Apple Watch Jokes
77 apple watch jokes and hilarious apple watch puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about apple watch that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Apple Watch Short Jokes
Short apple watch jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The apple watch humour may include short smart watch jokes also.
- China has now banned any military personnel to use apple watches due to security reasons. One soldier says with tears in his eyes but but my daughter made it for me .
- I watched two guys rob an Apple Store today. The police caught them. I'm going to be an iWitness at the trial
- An Apple Watch is an amazing way of keeping healthy Just got mine and I already lost 400 pounds!
- I took my wife to an orchard and we stood there staring at trees for more than an hour. Apparently this was NOT the Apple Watch she was expecting for her birthday.
- China banned their soldiers from using the Apple watch due to security concerns One soldier submitted a formal complaint. "My daughter made this for me!"
- For her birthday, i took my girlfriend to an orchard we stood there looking at the trees for about an hour. Not the apple watch she wanted apparently...
- Apple Watch now comes with a new app... It estimates how long you will have to wait in line for the Apple Watch 2.0.
- Technology.( Based on true events) My apple watch reminded me to take a minute to breathe right after my grandfather let one rip.
- How do you know its noon on an Apple Watch? The screen stays black when you check the time.
- Makes sense Apple fans would buy a MacBook candle... ...They're already used to the smell of burning synthetic materials and watching their money go up in flames.
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Apple Watch One Liners
Which apple watch one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with apple watch? I can suggest the ones about apple device and wrist watch.
- Why did Jon Snow stand in line for 6 hours at the Apple Store? For the watch
- How does an Apple Watch owner know that it's midday? It's already run out of battery.
- If you watch an Apple store get robbed, Does that make you an iWitness?
- There's iPod, iMac, iPhone... and Apple watch, because iWatch sounds way too creepy.
- How do you know if someone owns an Apple Watch? Don't worry, they will tell you.
- I just watched an Apple store get robbed... The police have called me as a iWitness
- Why did Jon Snow go to The Apple Store? For the Watch.
- Why did Jon snow wait outside he Apple Store for 3 days? For the watch
- I asked my Apple Watch "what's the time?" It said "an 80s funk band."
- I heard that Bruno Mars helped design the Apple Watch Dont believe me? Just watch
- Apple's next big product is going to be a total fail Just watch
- Did you hear about Jon Snow dropping his new Apple product? And now his watch has ended.
- Why can't you have two Apple watches? Because then it would be a pair (pear)!
- Hey did you guys hear about the new Apple Watch? They're making one for kids.
- How to insult a nerd "Is rhat an Apple Watch?"
Apple Watch Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about apple watch you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean wristwatch jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make apple watch pranks.
In a Catholic school cafeteria, a nun places a note in front of a pile of apples, "Only take one. God is watching." Further down the line is a pile of cookies. A little boy makes his own note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples."
In a Catholic school cafeteria, a nun places a note in front of a pile of apples, "Only take one. God is watching." Further down the line is a pile of cookies. A little boy makes his own note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples."
There was once a man from the city who was visiting a small farm, and during this visit he saw a farmer feeding pigs in a most extraordinary manner.
The farmer would lift a pig up to a nearby apple tree, and the pig would eat the apples off the tree directly.
The farmer would move the pig from one apple to another until the pig was satisfied, then he would start again with another pig.
The city man watched this activity for some time with great astonishment.
Finally, he could not resist saying to the farmer, “This is the most inefficient method of feeding pigs that I can imagine. Just think of the time that would be saved if you simply shook the apples off the tree and let the pigs eat them from the ground!”
The farmer looked puzzled and replied, “What’s time to a pig?”
A snail starts a slow climb up the trunk of an apple tree.
He is watched by a sparrow who can't help laughing and eventually says "Don't you know there aren't any apples on the tree yet?"
"Yes," said the snail, "but there will be by the time I get up there."
An elderly man in Saskatchewan.
An elderly man in Saskatchewan had owned a large farm for several years. He had a large pond in the back, fixed up nice; picnic tables, horseshoe courts, and some apple and peach trees. The pond was properly shaped and fixed up for swimming. One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn't been there for a while, and look it over. He grabbed a five gallon bucket to bring back some fruit. As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee. As he came closer he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his pond. He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end. One of the women shouted to him, "We're not coming out until you leave!" The old man frowned, "I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim n**..., or make you get out of the pond n**...." Holding the bucket up he said, "I'm here to feed the alligator."
The Watering Hole
An elderly man in Louisiana had owned a large farm for several years.
He had a large pond in the back. It was properly shaped for swimming, so he fixed it up nice with picnic tables, horseshoe courts, and some apple and peach trees.
One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn't been there for a while, and look it over.
He grabbed a five-gallon bucket to bring back some fruit.
As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee.
As he came closer, he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his pond.
He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end.
One of the women shouted to him, 'we're not coming out until you leave!'
The old man frowned, 'I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim n**... or make you get out of the pond n**....'
Holding the bucket up he said,
'I'm here to feed the alligator...'
Skinny dipping in your neighbors pond
An elderly man in Louisiana had owned a large farm for several years.
He had a large pond in the back. It was properly shaped for swimming, so he fixed
it up nice with picnic tables, horseshoe courts, and some apple and peach trees.
One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn't been there for a while, and look it over.
He grabbed a five-gallon bucket to bring back some fruit.
As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee.
As he came closer, he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his pond.
He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end.
One of the women shouted to him, 'we're not coming out until you leave!'
The old man frowned, 'I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim n**... or make you get out of the pond n**....'
Holding the bucket up he said,
'I'm here to feed the alligator...'
Some old men can still think fast.
Fast thinking old man
The old farmer had a large pond in the back, fixed up nicely with picnic tables, a barbecue pit, horseshoe courts, and some apple and peach trees. The pond was properly shaped and fixed up for swimming when it was built.
One evening, the old guy decided to go down to the pond and look it over. He hadn't been there for a while. He grabbed a five gallon bucket to bring back some fruit.
As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee. As he came closer, he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny dipping in his pond. As he approached, he made the women aware of his presence.
At once, they all went to the deep end.
One of the women shouted to him, "We're not coming out until you leave."
The old man frowned, "I did not come down here to watch you young ladies swim n**..., or to make you get out of the pond n**...."
Holding up the bucket, he said, "I'm here to feed the alligator."
Moral: Old men can still think fast!
The Farmer and The Skinny Dippers
An elderly man in Louisiana had owned a large farm for several years. He had a large pond in the back. It was properly shaped for swimming, so he fixed it up nice with picnic tables, horseshoe courts, and some apple and peach trees. One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn't been there for a while, and look it over. He grabbed a five-gallon bucket to bring back some fruit. As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee. As he came closer, he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his pond. He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end. One of the women shouted to him, "We're not coming out until you leave!" The old man frowned, "I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim n**... or make you get out of the pond n**...." Holding the bucket up he said, "I'm here to feed the alligator…"
Old men think fast
An elderly man in Louisiana had owned a large farm for several years. He had a large pond in the back. It was properly shaped for swimming, so he fixed it up nice with picnic tables, horseshoe courts, and some apple and peach trees.
One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn't been there for a while, and look it over. He grabbed a five-gallon bucket to bring back some fruit. As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee.
As he came closer, he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his pond. He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end.
One of the women shouted to him, We're not coming out until you leave!'
The old man frowned, I didn't come down here
to watch you ladies swim n**... or make you
get out of the pond n**....
Holding the bucket up he said, I'm here to feed the alligator…
The old Man's Pond
An elderly man in Louisiana had owned a large farm for several years.
He had a large pond in the back. It was properly shaped for swimming, so he fixed it up nice with picnic tables, horseshoe courts, and some apple and peach trees.
One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn't been there for a while, and look it over.
He grabbed a five-gallon bucket to bring back some fruit.
As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee.
As he came closer, he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his pond.
He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end.
One of the women shouted to him, 'we're not coming out until you leave!'
The old man frowned, 'I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim n**... or make you get out of the pond n**....'
Holding the bucket up he said,
'I'm here to feed the alligator...'
Tech Companies are getting into Showers.
A Google shower would make you sign in to Google+, track how many times per day you shower, then sell it to advertisers.
A Facebook shower would have a camera watch you so you can share it with your friends
An Apple shower would only work with an obscure showerhead that uses a non-standard connection, would be no longer supported after 5 years, and would force you to buy a new home to upgrade.
A Linux shower would require that you first spend 40 years becoming a master plumber, carpenter, engineer, and electrician, renovate your entire house from the ground up to install it, and would not be compatible with your utility company's water.
I talked to my mom about the Apple Watch today.
Mom: "What does the Apple Watch do?"
Me: "Well, it tells you when to stand up."
Mom: "We used to use our brains to do that."
Did you hear the Apple watch almost went to prison??
The crime was first degree battery.
It got off with no charge.
Why is john snow visiting apple store?
for the watch!!!
Why does John Snow go to the apple store?
FOR THE WATCH!!!
Why is it called the Apple Watch Edition?
Because it will cost you an Editionnal $10k to buy one!
After watching today's Apple event, I can confirm the new iPhone will not be a failure.
In fact, it'll be a huge 6S.
Apple made an app for their watch, called i-Bro, which lets you connect to all your homies
Feminists were upset they didn't name an app similarly for women.
At snack time at a Catholic elementary school there was a tray of apples. A note beside them read "Take only ONE. God is watching." At the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. A child had written a note,
"Take all you want. God is watching the apples."
God is watching
The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch.
At the head of the table was a large pile of apples.. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray: 'Take only ONE . God is watching.'
Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. A child had written a note, 'Take all you want. God is watching the apples
I watched a documentary on the hidden life of apple poachers
I'm not sure if it's legit, but it shook me to my core.
Church line
A man was waiting in line of a church. He saw an apple tree next to him, which also displayed a sign saying, "Take one only, God is watching..." He took one and waited once again.
By the end of the line, another sign was displayed near a basket of cookies that said, "Take as many as you like, God is busy watching the apples."
I've been trying to exercise more lately...
Today, my Apple Watch told me I m**... three miles!
Take only one
A boy was at a church dinner. They approached the fruit table. A nun, who was refilling the apple tray, instructed them, "We need to feed many people, so be nice and take only one. Remember, God is watching." He took one apple and moved along.
When he got to the dessert table, he took as many cookies as he could put on his plate. When a nun asked why he was doing that, he said, "Don't worry, God is busy watching the apples."
Apple watch
Apple watch features
2018 : ECG
2019 : Angioplasty
2020 : Bypass Surgery
2021: f**... arrangements
#AppleEvent
Apple's stock quote has fallen a bit
If it would wear a new Apple Watch Series 4, it would surely detect the fall!
I moved into the mountains and stopped carrying a phone with me everywhere.
My Apple Watch has LTE up there.
Apple just announced a new $500 velcro wristband for the apple watch
Sounds like a rip-off to me
A business is at a hotel in NYC.
Ah the Big Apple! He is excited and goes down to get breakfast at the hotel restaurant before his meeting. He looks over the menu and the waiter comes after an slightly extended wait.
I'll have the short stack of pancakes the business man says with interest.
Very good remarked the waiter.
Oh ... glancing at his watch the business asks will they be long?
The waiter quickly responds No sir , they'll be round ...
I just m**... while wearing my new Apple Watch.
Apparently I burned as many calories as if I walked 8 steps.
George loved to eat watches
Every day for breakfast, lunch, and dinner George would eat his favorite brand of watch.
Feeling fancy? A Rolex does the job better than any restaurant.
Special occasion? A grandfather clock would fit any event perfectly.
Going on a diet? Apple watches are the way to go!
His family didn't see it though, they thought he was crazy for his bizarre choice of food. They decided to stage in intervention in order to help him quit.
We're worried about you, George his wife said, you need to stop. This isn't good!
Well, I don't see what that problem is, George defended, tell me what's wrong with them!
Well, George, his sister interceded
They're just too time consuming
A man is sitting in a train
and watches the guy on the other side of the aisle take an apple out of his pocket, cutting it open, picking out the seeds and chewing them.
Why are you chewing the seeds?
They make me smarter
Really? Could I have some?
Sure, dollar a piece
The man agrees and gets three apple seeds for three bucks. He chews them for a while, then says Wait a minute, for three bucks I could've bought two pounds of apples!
See, it's already working
Why is it awkward to have s**... in an Apple Store?
Because, Apple Watches.
At the canteen of a Catholic school...
The nun places a note in front of a pile of apples: Take just one. God is watching . Beyond there is a stack of biscuits. A student writes a note and puts it in plain sight in front of the cookies: Take whatever you want. God is watching the apples".
The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch
At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray, "Take only one. God is watching." Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. One child whispered to another, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples.
An Englishman, Frenchman, and Russian are looking at a painting of Adam and Eve.
"They are so calm and contemplative. They would surely be English." The Englishman says.
"No," the Frenchman says, "they are n**... and beautiful, they would be French."
"My friends," the Russian begins, "no clothes, no shelter, they are sharing an apple between two, they're being watched, and they're told this is paradise. They are definitely Russian."