Apple Picking Jokes
19 apple picking jokes and hilarious apple picking puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about apple picking that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Apple Picking Short Jokes
Short apple picking jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The apple picking humour may include short apple fruit jokes also.
- Apple employee pick-up lines. "Are you a play button? Because I'd zero-length swipe that."
- A man and a woman are on a date.............. Man: What is your job?
Woman: I'm a doctor
Man: Guess I won't be needing this \*picks up apple and throws it across room\* - Chuck Norris can pick oranges from an apple tree and make the best lemonade youve ever tasted.
- When ever I'm given the chance between apple juice or orange juice, I always pick apple. My friends ask me why and I say Cause oj will kill ya
- I tried to pick up a girl at the Apple space bar. To bad she was in between commands at the time.
Share These Apple Picking Jokes With Friends
Apple Picking One Liners
Which apple picking one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with apple picking? I can suggest the ones about apple and pear and apple cider.
- What's the difference between apples and orphans? Apples get picked
- So a guy went apple-picking in the dead of winter It was a fruitless effort
- Today I got my first paycheck from my fruit picking job. It was Apple Pay.
- Going apple picking would be cool if you don't know grocery stores exist.
Cheeky Apple Picking Jokes that Will Make You and Your Friends Chuckle
What funny jokes about apple picking you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean apple turnover jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make apple picking pranks.
An old farmer was picking apples. After filling up a bucket and walking back to the farm, he saw a group of beautiful women swimming in his pond
As he got closer, he realized they were skinny dipping. When the group noticed the old farmer approaching them, one girl shouts to him "we are not coming out until you turn away". The farmer, thinking quick, holds up the bucket of apples and says "I'm just here to feed the gator anyway"
A man is sitting in a train
and watches the guy on the other side of the aisle take an apple out of his pocket, cutting it open, picking out the seeds and chewing them.
Why are you chewing the seeds?
They make me smarter
Really? Could I have some?
Sure, dollar a piece
The man agrees and gets three apple seeds for three bucks. He chews them for a while, then says Wait a minute, for three bucks I could've bought two pounds of apples!
See, it's already working
A man calls the National Security Agency...
Man: Hello, I heard you record all our phone conversations, is that correct?
Agent: No sir, we don't do that
Man: Oh shoot. I was just talking to my wife and she gave me a list of things to do and I can't remember! I thought I would check with you rather than call her back and let her know I wasn't listening!
Agent: I'm sorry to hear that sir, but as I said, we don't listen to civilian conversations. However, you should:
1. Pick up a gallon of milk
2. 2 dozen eggs
3. 4 Macintosh apples
4. Help Sofia with her math homework
....
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two women visit a pond...
Two women visit a pond on an old man's property. They figure he won't mind if they use his pond and decide to go skinny dipping. Meanwhile, the old man is headed to the pond with a bucket to pick apples from a tree near the pond. When he reaches the pond he notices clothes on the dock, walks over and picks them up. He then notices the two girls who cover themselves and yell to him. "We're not getting out until you leave, you creeper!". He chuckles to himself and motions to the bucket, "I'm not here to spy on anyone. I'm just here to feed the gators." That day, the old man proved he was still sharp.
My Personal Favorite Little Johnny Joke
One day in class the teacher brought a bag. "Now class, I'm going to reach into the bag and describe something, and you tell what I'm talking about. Okay, first: it's round, plump and red."
Of course, Johnny raised his hand high, but the teacher, wisely ignored him and picked Deborah, who promptly answered "An apple." The teacher replied, "No Deborah, it's a beet, but I like your thinking." Now for the second. It's soft, fuzzy, and colored red and brownish."
Well, Johnny is hopping up and down in his seat trying to get the teacher to call on him. But she skips him again and calls on Billy."Is it a peach?"Billy asks."No, Billy, I'm afraid it's a potato. But I like your thinking,"the teacher replies. Here's another: it's long, yellow, and fairly hard."
By now Johnny is about to explode as he waves his hand frantically. The teacher skips him again and calls on Sally. "A banana," she says. "No," the teacher replies, "it's a squash, but I like your thinking."
Johnny is kind of irritated now, so he speaks up loudly. "Hey, I've got one for you teacher; let me put my hand in my pocket. Okay, I've got it: it's round, hard, and it's got a head on it." "Johnny!" she cries. "That's disgusting!" "Nope," answers Johnny, "it's a quarter, but I like your thinking!"
One day in class, the teacher brought a bag full of fruit and said, "Now class, I'm going to reach into the bag and describe a piece of fruit and you tell me which fruit I'm talking about. Alright, the first one is round, plump, and red. Little Johnny raised his hand high but the teacher ignored him and picked Deborah who promptly answered, "Apple." The teacher replied, "No Deborah, it's a beet, but I like your thinking. Now the second one is soft, fuzzy and colored red and brown." Johnny is hopping up and down in his seat trying to get the teacher to call on him but she calls on Billy. "Is it a peach?" Billy asks. "No, it's a potato, but I like your thinking," the teacher replies. "Okay the next one is long, yellow, and fairly hard." Johnny is about to explode as he waves his hand frantically but the teacher calls on Sally who say, "A banana." The teacher responds, "No, it's a squash, but I like your thinking." Johnny is irritated now so he speaks up loudly, "Hey, I've got one for you teacher. Let me put my hand in my pocket. Okay, I've got it. It's round, hard, and it's got a head on it." "Johnny!" she cries, "That's disgusting!" "Nope," answers Johnny, "It's a quarter, but I like your thinking!"