Fun-Filled Apple Jokes to Boost Your Mood
What do Apple and Donald Trump have in common?
I would say that they both think de-porting is the answer when there's no more Jobs, but I shouldn't compare apples to oranges.
The oldest computer can be traced back to Adam and Eve.
It was an apple but with extremely limited memory. Just 1 byte. And then everything crashed.
Just saw on the news that Apple is suing Samsung:
They claim that the Galaxy S3 has copied concepts used on the iPhone 6.
The CEO of Apple came out gay...
Now we know why the iPhone 6 can't stay straight
How does an Apple Watch owner know that it's midday?
It's already run out of battery.
Why did Jon Snow stand in line for 6 hours at the Apple Store?
For the watch
A bear climbs a tree....
a bird sitting in the tree asks "Hey, Bear, why are you up in this tree?"
the bear says "I came up here to eat apples."
the bird says "But Bear, this isn't an apple tree. there are no apples up here."
the bear says "That's ok, I brought my own."
An Apple store I was at today just got robbed.
I guess that makes me an iWitness.
An Apple store got robbed last night and $250,000 worth of equipment was stolen.
Police are confident they can recover both the stolen machines.
A: Whats's worse than a worm in the apple?
B: The Holocaust.
A: What's worse than the Holocaust?
B: 5 Million Jews.
Apple, the FBI, and John McAfee are sitting in an office...
Only two were invited, but the third one got in through the backdoor.
You can explore apple macs reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean apple ipad dad jokes. There are also apple puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
A man is buying a banana, an apple and two eggs. The female cashier says: "You must be single."
The man answers: "Wow, how did you know?"
Cashier: "Because you're ugly."
A woman is buying a banana, an apple and two eggs. The male cashier says: "You must be single."
He got fired.
If you watch an Apple store get robbed,
Does that make you an iWitness?
An Apple store near where I live got robbed
$25k worth of merchandise was stolen. The police said that they will get both computers back.
Apple woke up their lead designer in the middle of the night
To ask him about ideas for the new iPhone.
The disgruntled designer told them "Jack off".
The marketing department found the idea fantastic.
Apple farmers who are too scared to diversify
should just grow a pear.
Let me tell you how I became a millionaire: First, I...
...bought one apple for a dollar with my savings. Then I went out on the street and sold it there for two dollars. With the two dollars I bought two apples for 1$ each and again sold them for 2 dollars each. Now I've had 4 dollars and was able to buy 4 apples, which, you may have guessed, I sold for 2 dollars each. Now I've had 8 dollars and I bought 8 apples and so on and so on...
A few days later my aunt died and I inherited her assets.
There was a computer dating back to Adam and Eve..
It was an apple, and a very bad one at that. It only took one byte for everything to crash.
An emo and an apple fall out of a tree. Which one hits the ground first?
The apple, the emo is stopped by the rope.ο»Ώ
God is watching
The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch.
At the head of the table was a large pile of apples.. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray: 'Take only ONE . God is watching.'
Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. A child had written a note, 'Take all you want. God is watching the apples
Adam & Eve
The first people to not read the Apple terms and conditions.
You know Apple is run by men...
when they call it an iPhone 6+ and it's only 5.5 inches.
Why do doctors recommend apple juice?
Cause OJ will kill you.
If adam and eve were Chinese
Then we would still be in paradise as they would eat the snake instead of the apple.
I watched two guys rob an Apple Store today. The police caught them.
I'm going to be an iWitness at the trial
How do you confuse an Apple user?
Give them options.
If apple released iphone 8 and 10 this year
Would it release nine eleven next year
Edit : my first 24 hours top 10 thanks all
A man using Apple maps walks into a bar
Or a pharmacy, or maybe a shoe store.
What do Apple and the NFL have in common?
The Chargers suck.
What does the apple user do when he wants to customize his device?
He adjusts the volume.
It's good that Apple released only 3 phones this year...
Another one would have been an XS
A Briton, a Frenchman, and a Russian are standing and staring at a portrait of Adam and Eve...
"Look at their calm, their reserve" says the Briton. "Surely they must be British!"
"Nonsense!" Replies the Frenchman. "They are beautiful. Surely they must be French!"
The Russian finally speaks, "they have no clothes, no shelter, only an apple to eat, and are being told this is paradise. They are Russian."
I just saw an apple store getting robbed
So later the police called me as an iwitness.
Why did the prostitute get angry after having sex in an apple orchard?
Because her client came in cider.
If A is for Apple and B is for Banana then what is C for?
Plastic Explosives.
1 slice of apple pie will cost you $2.45 in Jamaica. A slice of apple pie costs $3.75 in Trinidad and the same slice costs $4.45 in Barbados.
And those are the Pie-Rates of the Caribbean.
We all know where the Big Apple is but does anyone know where theβ¦
Minneapolis
A truck driver stopped at a roadside diner for lunch and ordered a cheeseburger, coffee and a slice of apple pie. As he was about to eat, three bikers walked in.
One grabbed the trucker's cheeseburger and took a huge bite from it. The second one drank the trucker's coffee, and the third wolfed down his apple pie. The truck driver didn't say a word as he paid the waitress and left.
As the waitress walked up, one of the motorcyclists growled, "He ain't much of a man, is he?"
"He's not much of a driver, either," the waitress replied. "He just backed his 18-wheeler over three motorcycles."
What's blue and would kill you if it fell out of a tree?
A really fast apple.
Why do Chinese people love IPhones and Apple products?
Because the greatest gifts are the ones your children made.
(inspired by u/lorenzomofo 's comment on a
r/nextfuckinglevel post)
The oldest computer can be traced back to Adam & Eve.
It was an apple with extremely limited memory. Just 1 byte & then everything crashed.
Don't fart in an Apple Store...
They don't have windows. :)
Do you know the oldest computer was owned by Adam and Eve?
It was an apple, with very limited memory, one byte and everything crashed!
What do you call a person who saw an apple store getting robed?
An iWitness.
Apple have come up with a new revolutionary eye patch for pirates.
It's called the iEye patch.
(I'm sorry)
What nationality were Adam and Eve?
Soviet, of course. Who else would walk around barefoot and naked, have one apple to share between them, and think they were in Paradise?
Top Biblical experts have reached the conclusion that Adam and Eve were Soviet citizens
They had no clothes, one apple between the two of them and they thought they were in paradise.
How many Apple engineers does it take to change a lightbulb?
None. They no longer make that socket, you just buy a new house.
I told my neighbor I was too scared to grow an apple tree.
He said grow a pear.
Gave my daughter an apple for breakfast this morning π
She said she only likes pears!
So I gave her another apple. ππ
Apple started their own clothing line for pirates...
Their best seller so far is the iPatch.
A Russian, a Frenchman, and an Englishman are in an art museum admiring a painting of Adam and Eve in the gardens of Eden.
The Englishman takes a look at the painting and says "They look so calm, they must be British!" The Frenchmen responds "no no! They're naked, so beautiful, they must be French!" The Russian says "They have no food, no shelter, nothing but an apple to eat, and they are being told this is paradise? They're clearly Russian!"
If you see a crime at an Apple store,
are you an iWitness?
China has now banned any military personnel to use apple watches due to security reasons.
One soldier says with tears in his eyes but but my daughter made it for me .
An Englishman, Frenchman, and Russian are looking at a painting of Adam and Eve.
"They are so calm and contemplative. They would surely be English." The Englishman says.
"No," the Frenchman says, "they are naked and beautiful, they would be French."
"My friends," the Russian begins, "no clothes, no shelter, they are sharing an apple between two, they're being watched, and they're told this is paradise. They are definitely Russian."
What's the worst part of an apple addiction?
You can't see a doctor about it.
The worst part about an apple addictionβ¦
Is that you can't go and see a doctor about it
An Apple fan walks into a bar....
Orders the same drink as yesterday, but pays more.
There's iPod, iMac, iPhone...
and Apple watch, because iWatch sounds way too creepy.
Elon Musk has come up with a fool proof plan of destroying Apple because they refuse to advertise on Twitter.
He plans to buy it.
An apple and a poo were floating down the river.
The poo yells: "Apple, apple, come play with me." The apple says: "No! Ew! Stay away from me!"
A little further down the river the poo yells again, "Apple, apple, come play with me." The apple disgustingly replies, "No! Ew! Stay away from me!"
Suddenly a man grabs the apple out the river and takes a bite. The poo shouts to apple, "See you tomorrow!"
Two men are in love with a woman
One of the men is a doctor, and the other a deaf man
Every day, the doctor brings the woman a flower as a sign of his affection.
Every day, the deaf man brings the woman an apple.
She asks him, Why do you bring me an apple? A flower I understand, but what is the purpose of the apple?
The deaf man replies, WHAT?
I asked my Apple Watch "what's the time?"
It said "an 80s funk band."
Did you hear that Apple is developing a robotic service dog?
It's called the iChihuahua.
Why do Adam and Eve use Android?
Because Eve violated the apple terms and conditions.
If you see a crime at an Apple Storeβ¦
Does that make you an iWitness?
A woman has two admirers.
One of them is a doctor, and the other is a deaf guy.
Every day, the doctor gives the woman a rose.
And every day, the deaf guy gives her an apple.
One day, the woman says to the the deaf guy: "Hey, that doctor gives me a rose every day, and I get the symbolism of that. But why do you give me an apple a day?"
To which the deaf guy responds: "WHAT?"
