Apple Jokes

Following is our collection of macs humor and airpods one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. They include Apple puns for adults, dirty ipad jokes or clean ipatch gags for kids.

There is an abundance of ios jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 62 funniest jokes on apple. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any magical apples witze you can hear about apple.

The Best jokes about Apple

What do Apple and Donald Trump have in common?

I would say that they both think de-porting is the answer when there's no more Jobs, but I shouldn't compare apples to oranges.

The oldest computer can be traced back to Adam and Eve.

It was an apple but with extremely limited memory. Just 1 byte. And then everything crashed.

We all know where the Big Apple is but does anyone know where the…

Minneapolis

If A is for Apple and B is for Banana then what is C for?

Plastic Explosives.

1 slice of apple pie will cost you $2.45 in Jamaica. A slice of apple pie costs $3.75 in Trinidad and the same slice costs $4.45 in Barbados.

And those are the Pie-Rates of the Caribbean.


A Briton, a Frenchman, and a Russian are standing and staring at a portrait of Adam and Eve...

"Look at their calm, their reserve" says the Briton. "Surely they must be British!"

"Nonsense!" Replies the Frenchman. "They are beautiful. Surely they must be French!"

The Russian finally speaks, "they have no clothes, no shelter, only an apple to eat, and are being told this is paradise. They are Russian."

A man is buying a banana, an apple and two eggs. The female cashier says: "You must be single."

The man answers: "Wow, how did you know?"

Cashier: "Because you're ugly."

Why did Jon Snow stand in line for 6 hours at the Apple Store?

For the watch

How does an Apple Watch owner know that it's midday?

It's already run out of battery.

If you watch an Apple store get robbed,

Does that make you an iWitness?

A truck driver stopped at a roadside diner for lunch and ordered a cheeseburger, coffee and a slice of apple pie. As he was about to eat, three bikers walked in.

One grabbed the trucker's cheeseburger and took a huge bite from it. The second one drank the trucker's coffee, and the third wolfed down his apple pie. The truck driver didn't say a word as he paid the waitress and left.

As the waitress walked up, one of the motorcyclists growled, "He ain't much of a man, is he?"

"He's not much of a driver, either," the waitress replied. "He just backed his 18-wheeler over three motorcycles."


A man using Apple maps walks into a bar

Or a pharmacy, or maybe a shoe store.

Let me tell you how I became a millionaire: First, I...

...bought one apple for a dollar with my savings. Then I went out on the street and sold it there for two dollars. With the two dollars I bought two apples for 1$ each and again sold them for 2 dollars each. Now I've had 4 dollars and was able to buy 4 apples, which, you may have guessed, I sold for 2 dollars each. Now I've had 8 dollars and I bought 8 apples and so on and so on...

A few days later my aunt died and I inherited her assets.

Apple woke up their lead designer in the middle of the night

To ask him about ideas for the new iPhone.
The disgruntled designer told them "Jack off".
The marketing department found the idea fantastic.

What does the apple user do when he wants to customize his device?

He adjusts the volume.

The CEO of Apple came out gay...

Now we know why the iPhone 6 can't stay straight

What do Apple and the NFL have in common?

The Chargers suck.

An Apple store near where I live got robbed

$25k worth of merchandise was stolen. The police said that they will get both computers back.

An emo and an apple fall out of a tree. Which one hits the ground first?

The apple, the emo is stopped by the rope.ο»Ώ


If apple released iphone 8 and 10 this year

Would it release nine eleven next year

Edit : my first 24 hours top 10 thanks all

You know Apple is run by men...

when they call it an iPhone 6+ and it's only 5.5 inches.

There was a computer dating back to Adam and Eve..

It was an apple, and a very bad one at that. It only took one byte for everything to crash.

An Apple store got robbed last night and $250,000 worth of equipment was stolen.

Police are confident they can recover both the stolen machines.

Just saw on the news that Apple is suing Samsung:

They claim that the Galaxy S3 has copied concepts used on the iPhone 6.

It's good that Apple released only 3 phones this year...

Another one would have been an XS

A woman is buying a banana, an apple and two eggs. The male cashier says: "You must be single."

He got fired.

Adam & Eve

The first people to not read the Apple terms and conditions.

Why do doctors recommend apple juice?

Cause OJ will kill you.

How do you confuse an Apple user?

Give them options.

I watched two guys rob an Apple Store today. The police caught them.

I'm going to be an iWitness at the trial

Apple farmers who are too scared to diversify

should just grow a pear.

If adam and eve were Chinese

Then we would still be in paradise as they would eat the snake instead of the apple.

A bear climbs a tree....

a bird sitting in the tree asks "Hey, Bear, why are you up in this tree?"

the bear says "I came up here to eat apples."

the bird says "But Bear, this isn't an apple tree. there are no apples up here."

the bear says "That's ok, I brought my own."

Why did the prostitute get angry after having sex in an apple orchard?

Because her client came in cider.

God is watching

The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch.

At the head of the table was a large pile of apples.. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray: 'Take only ONE . God is watching.'

Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. A child had written a note, 'Take all you want. God is watching the apples

What's blue and would kill you if it fell out of a tree?

A really fast apple.

An Apple store I was at today just got robbed.

I guess that makes me an iWitness.

I just saw an apple store getting robbed

So later the police called me as an iwitness.

Apple, the FBI, and John McAfee are sitting in an office...

Only two were invited, but the third one got in through the backdoor.

What do you call an Apple update you don't see coming?

An iPatch... I'm sorry...

Apple fitness products don't work.

I tried the iHop and it only made me gain weight.

<> Apple has decided to cancel the children's iPod.

Apparently iTouch kids isn't a good product name.

Eve gets an apple

Eve: I got an Apple.

Adam: ...

Eve: ...

Adam: ...

Eve: What?

Adam: I thought we'd decided on Android.

Eve: The serpent said this was better.ο»Ώ

An Apple Store in Minneapolis reported losing $200,000 in inventory to riot-related theft.

'Thankfully the looters took nothing but two iPhones' the store's associate manager said.

Why did Isaac Newton's son know so much about gravity?

The apple didn't fall far from the tree.

Yesterday I farted in a Apple Store and everyone got mad at me

It's not my fault they don't have Windowsο»Ώ

Why couldn't the apple speak to the orange ?

because he didn't know Mandarin

In Soviet Russia...

A man asks a Russian: What nationality were Adam and Eve?
The Russian replies: Soviet of course!
The man asks: How do you know?
To which the Russian replies: Well they were both naked, had only an apple to eat, and thought they were in paradise.

I saw a robbery at an Apple store

I'm the only iWitness

If you see a robbery at the Apple store...

... does that make you an iWitness?

HOW i got rich

One rich man is asked how he got rich. He answers: I bought one unwashed apple in the market for a dollar, washed it and sold it for 2, then bought 2 unwashed apples, washed it and sold it for 4. -And so gradually you got rich? - No, after 2 years, my grandmother died and left me a legacy of 4 billion dollars, and I stopped doing nonsense

4 out of 5 urologists...

...smell their apple juice before they drink it.

Apple is reportedly buying Shazam for some $400m.

Couldn't they just download it from the App Store for free?

A doctor and a programmer both like the same woman

Every day, the doctor brings her a flower, while the programmer brings her an apple.

Eventually, she chooses to go out with the programmer.

Outraged, the doctor asks the programmer why he brought her apples.

The programmer responded An Apple a day keeps the doctor away

An apple

A sudden desert storm had made a traveler lost his direction. The only thing he had was an apple. It was so precious, whenever he was thirsty or hungry, he would only look at the apple, then he would walk again full of hope.

Unfortunately, he still died in the desert. It was written on the police report: He would have walked out of the desert if he had had a Samsung or Nokia.

Grandma's Apple Pie

An old man is dying, with his young grandson by his bedside. He asks his grandson to lean over and whispers "Johnny, I smell your grandma's apple pie. Looks like she took it of the oven. Go to the kitchen and bring me a piece. It's my favorite."

Johnny gets up and leaves. 2 minutes later he comes back empty handed and says "Sorry, grandpa, but grandma says its for after the funeral."

An apple a day keeps the doctor away...

An orange a day keeps the plumber away...

Basically if you throw fruit at people they go away.

A Doctor and engineer

A doctor and an engineer loved the same girl.
Doctor used to give her a rose daily
and engineer used to give the girl an apple.
Girl got confused and asked engineer : There is a meaning of giving rose in Love,
Why are you giving apple ?
Engineer answered : Because
"An apple a day keeps the doctor away".

Did you hear that Apple Guy died?

R.I.P. Isaac Newton

The Garden of Eden

A Brit, a Frenchman and a Russian are viewing a painting of Adam and Eve frolicking in the Garden of Eden.

"Look at their reserve, their calm," muses the Brit. "They must be British."

"Nonsense," the Frenchman disagrees. "They're naked, and so beautiful. Clearly, they are French."

"No clothes, no shelter," the Russian points out, "they have only an apple to eat, and they're being told this is paradise. Clearly, they are Russian."

Jokes are like Apple

The best stuff has already been been done better by someone else.

A guy using Apple maps walks into a bar

...or maybe a hospital....or possibly a church

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

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