Apple Jokes
181 apple jokes and hilarious apple puns to laugh out loud. Read food jokes about apple that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Check out this hilarious collection of apple jokes for teachers, kindergarteners, and everyone else! From classic jokes about Ringo to puns about patents and Macs, you'll be rolling with laughter!
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Funniest Apple Short Jokes
Short apple jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The apple humour may include short fruit jokes also.
- Steve Jobs would've been a better president than Trump. But I guess comparing apples to orange is unfair.
- Steve jobs would have been a better president than Donald Trump. But it's a silly comparison really, it's like comparing apples to oranges.
- Steve Jobs would have made a better president than Donald Trump... But that's comparing apples to oranges.
- What do Apple and Donald Trump have in common? I would say that they both think de-porting is the answer when there's no more Jobs, but I shouldn't compare apples to oranges.
- The oldest computer can be traced back to Adam and Eve. It was an apple but with extremely limited memory. Just 1 byte. And then everything crashed.
- China has now banned any military personnel to use apple watches due to security reasons. One soldier says with tears in his eyes but but my daughter made it for me .
- How many Apple engineers does it take to change a lightbulb? None. They no longer make that socket, you just buy a new house.
- 1 slice of apple pie will cost you $2.45 in Jamaica. A slice of apple pie costs $3.75 in Trinidad and the same slice costs $4.45 in Barbados. And those are the Pie-Rates of the Caribbean.
- Why do chinese people love IPhones and Apple products? Because the greatest gifts are the ones your children made.
(inspired by u/lorenzomofo 's comment on a
r/nextfuckinglevel post) - A man is buying a banana, an apple and two eggs. The female cashier says: "You must be single." The man answers: "Wow, how did you know?"
cashier: "Because you're ugly."
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Apple One Liners
Which apple one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with apple? I can suggest the ones about banana and android.
- How many apples grow on a tree? All of them.
- We all know where the Big Apple is but does anyone know where the… Minneapolis
- If A is for Apple and B is for Banana then what is C for? Plastic Explosives.
- What do you call a person who saw an apple store getting robed? An iWitness.
- Why did Jon Snow stand in line for 6 hours at the Apple Store? For the watch
- An Apple fan walks into a bar.... Orders the same drink as yesterday, but pays more.
- How does an Apple watch owner know that it's midday? It's already run out of battery.
- If you watch an Apple store get robbed, Does that make you an iWitness?
- If you see a crime at an Apple store, are you an iWitness?
- A man using Apple map walks into a bar Or a pharmacy, or maybe a shoe store.
- A friend told me that all apples were yellow... I was like, "that's banana"
- What does the apple user do when he wants to customize his device? He adjusts the volume.
- The ceo of Apple came out gay... Now we know why the iPhone 6 can't stay straight
- You know Apple is run by men... when they call it an iPhone 6+ and it's only 5.5 inches.
- Why do Adam and Eve use Android? Because Eve violated the apple terms and conditions.
Apple Store Jokes
Here is a list of funny apple store jokes and even better apple store puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- An Apple store near where I live got robbed $25k worth of merchandise was stolen. The police said that they will get both computers back.
- An Apple store got robbed last night and $250,000 worth of equipment was stolen. Police are confident they can recover both the stolen machines.
- My 11 son asked me If you see an Apple store getting robbed.... Does that make you an Iwitness?
- I watched two guys rob an Apple Store today. The police caught them. I'm going to be an iWitness at the trial
- An Apple store I was at today just got robbed. I guess that makes me an iWitness.
- I just saw an apple store getting robbed So later the police called me as an iwitness.
- An Apple Store in Minneapolis reported losing $200,000 in inventory to riot-related theft. 'Thankfully the looters took nothing but two iPhones' the store's associate manager said.
- I was at the apple store the other day, and saw someone shoplifting. Now I'm an iWitness
- I saw a robbery at an Apple store I'm the only iWitness
- If you see a robbery at the Apple store... ... does that make you an iWitness?
Apple Iphone Jokes
Here is a list of funny apple iphone jokes and even better apple iphone puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- If apple released iphone 8 and 10 this year Would it release nine eleven next year
Edit : my first 24 hours top 10 thanks all - Just saw on the news that Apple is suing Samsung: They claim that the Galaxy S3 has copied concepts used on the iPhone 6.
- There's iPod, iMac, iPhone... and Apple watch, because iWatch sounds way too creepy.
- Apple is advertising the new iPhone as "The most powerful four inches ever." I can't believe they stole my slogan.
- When is an Iphone not an Apple? When there's two of them. Then it's a pear.
- Apple's new iphone sold over 13M units this past weekend I guess you can say it was a 6S
- What has everyone been doing at Apple since the problems with the iPhone 6 started? Looking for Jobs.
- Did you hear that Apple is coming out with YET ANOTHER new iPhone model? Critics are calling it the iPhone Xs.
( - I asked my kids, "Why isn't an iPhone charger...?" "...called Apple Juice?!"
- Why didn't Adam buy Eve the new iPhone? Because Apple products are really expensive.
Apple Product Jokes
Here is a list of funny apple product jokes and even better apple product puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Apple fitness products don't work. I tried the iHop and it only made me gain weight.
- <
> Apple has decided to cancel the children's iPod. Apparently iTouch kids isn't a good product name. - Me- Alexa check my bank balance and tell me which apple product can I buy? Alexa- apple juice
- Apple came up with a tablet computer with touch screen, geared toward children. They cancelled the product when they realized nobody wants to buy something called iTouch Kids.
- When Microsoft and Apple ship faulty products Microsoft: We will fix that faulty battery timer through a software update. *never fixes it though*
Apple: *quietly removes the battery timer* - Apple is releasing a new product called the iKnife. It's cutting edge technology.
- Apple just announced their next groundbreaking product The iShovel
- What is the best Apple product ? Apple juice
- How can you tell if someone uses Apple products? Just wait and they'll tell you.
- Very bad product name Did you guys hear that Apple scrapped its idea for an iPod touch for children when they realized that iTouch Kids would be a bad product name?
Windows And Apple Jokes
Here is a list of funny windows and apple jokes and even better windows and apple puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I heard Apple is trying to develop a new car. But they're having trouble installing windows.
- Apple and Google are both working on self driving cars. Personally I don't think I want to ride in a car without Windows.
- Apple's cars will not be that popular... Because they don't support windows
- Apple is designing a car.. Everything was going great until they tried to install windows.
- Why wont Apple ever make a car? Because it can't have windows in it!!!!
- If apple made a car would it have windows?
- Apple has successfully created a self driving car However, they are having problems installing windows.
- Apple is set to release their new electric smart car in 2024... It will be the first apple product with windows.
- If Apple builds a car Will it come with Windows?
- Why is it so dark in the apple headquarters? Because they haven't installed any Windows.
Fun-Filled Apple Jokes to Boost Your Mood
What funny jokes about apple you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean berry jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make apple pranks.
4 out of 5 urologists...
...smell their apple juice before they drink it.
An Englishman, a Frenchman and an American
were arguing about the nationality of Adam and Eve.
"They must have been English,' declares the Englishman. 'Only a gentleman would share his last apple with a woman.'
'They were undoubtedly French,' says the Frenchman. 'Who else could s**... a woman so easily?'
'I think they were Russian,' says the American.
'After all, who else could walk around stark n**..., feed on one apple between the two of them and think they were in paradise?'
How do you make apple jelly?
google maps.
An apple
A sudden desert storm had made a traveler lost his direction. The only thing he had was an apple. It was so precious, whenever he was thirsty or hungry, he would only look at the apple, then he would walk again full of hope.
Unfortunately, he still died in the desert. It was written on the police report: He would have walked out of the desert if he had had a Samsung or Nokia.
An old man is lying on his death bed...
... when he smells the delicious aroma of freshly baked apple pie. He calls over his grandson and whispers, "Boy, go ask your grandma for a slice of that pie."
The boy scampers off and returns a minute later, replying, "Grandma says no, it's for after the f**...."
Why did Isaac Newton's son know so much about gravity?
The apple didn't fall far from the tree.
We would all be living in paradise if Adam & Eve were Chinese..
Because they would've eaten the snake and not the apple.
A Doctor and engineer
A doctor and an engineer loved the same girl.
Doctor used to give her a rose daily
and engineer used to give the girl an apple.
Girl got confused and asked engineer : There is a meaning of giving rose in Love,
Why are you giving apple ?
Engineer answered : Because
"An apple a day keeps the doctor away".
A bear climbs a tree....
a bird sitting in the tree asks "Hey, Bear, why are you up in this tree?"
the bear says "I came up here to eat apples."
the bird says "But Bear, this isn't an apple tree. there are no apples up here."
the bear says "That's ok, I brought my own."
Apple Stock
Apple's stock surges on announcement of two-child policy change in China
The Garden of Eden
A Brit, a Frenchman and a Russian are viewing a painting of Adam and Eve frolicking in the Garden of Eden.
"Look at their reserve, their calm," muses the Brit. "They must be British."
"Nonsense," the Frenchman disagrees. "They're n**..., and so beautiful. Clearly, they are French."
"No clothes, no shelter," the Russian points out, "they have only an apple to eat, and they're being told this is paradise. Clearly, they are Russian."
A: Whats's worse than a worm in the apple?
B: The Holocaust.
A: What's worse than the Holocaust?
B: 5 Million Jews.
Apple, the FBI, and John McAfee are sitting in an office...
Only two were invited, but the third one got in through the b**....
Yesterday I f**... in a Apple Store and everyone got mad at me
It's not my fault they don't have Windows
One of everything.
A man walks into a grocery store and grabs a shopping cart. He grabs one egg, one tomato, one head of lettuce, one steak, one banana, one apple, and one of everything else in the store.
He walks up to the counter and starts putting his items on the belt. After the cashier gives him a weird look, she says, "You must be single."
He says, "I am. How did you know?"
She says, "Because you're extremely ugly."
A woman is buying a banana, an apple and two eggs. The male cashier says: "You must be single."
He got fired.
Apple woke up their lead designer in the middle of the night
To ask him about ideas for the new iPhone.
The disgruntled designer told them "j**...".
The marketing department found the idea fantastic.
Apple farmers who are too scared to diversify
should just grow a pear.
What did the Apple Phone designer do when he got home?
j**...
Let me tell you how I became a millionaire: First, I...
...bought one apple for a dollar with my savings. Then I went out on the street and sold it there for two dollars. With the two dollars I bought two apples for 1$ each and again sold them for 2 dollars each. Now I've had 4 dollars and was able to buy 4 apples, which, you may have guessed, I sold for 2 dollars each. Now I've had 8 dollars and I bought 8 apples and so on and so on...
A few days later my aunt died and I inherited her assets.
There was a computer dating back to Adam and Eve..
It was an apple, and a very bad one at that. It only took one byte for everything to c**....
What's worse than finding half a worm in your apple?
The holocaust
Why couldn't the apple speak to the orange ?
because he didn't know Mandarin
What do you call an Apple update you don't see coming?
An iPatch... I'm sorry...
Did you hear that Apple Guy died?
R.I.P. Isaac Newton
An emo and an apple fall out of a tree. Which one hits the ground first?
The apple, the emo is stopped by the rope.
God is watching
The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch.
At the head of the table was a large pile of apples.. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray: 'Take only ONE . God is watching.'
Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. A child had written a note, 'Take all you want. God is watching the apples
My wife is a lot like Apple
Always finding new and innovative ways to be annoying.
Adam & Eve
The first people to not read the Apple terms and conditions.
Grandma's Apple Pie
An old man is dying, with his young grandson by his bedside. He asks his grandson to lean over and whispers "Johnny, I smell your grandma's apple pie. Looks like she took it of the oven. Go to the kitchen and bring me a piece. It's my favorite."
Johnny gets up and leaves. 2 minutes later he comes back empty handed and says "Sorry, grandpa, but grandma says its for after the f**...."
The Apple Doesn't Fall Far From The Tree
Son: "Dad where did I come from?"
Dad: "One day your mother and I were walking through an apple orchard..."
Son *rolls eyes*: "And you grabbed an apple not far from a tr..."
Dad: "I slipped in cider."
A man is buying a bananas, an apple and two eggs.
A man is buying a bananas, an apple and two eggs.
The female cashier says: "You must be single."
The man replied: " Wow, how did you know?"
Cashier: "Because you're ugly."
Why do doctors recommend apple juice?
Cause OJ will kill you.
A doctor and a programmer both like the same woman
Every day, the doctor brings her a flower, while the programmer brings her an apple.
Eventually, she chooses to go out with the programmer.
Outraged, the doctor asks the programmer why he brought her apples.
The programmer responded An Apple a day keeps the doctor away
If adam and eve were Chinese
Then we would still be in paradise as they would eat the snake instead of the apple.
Eve gets an apple
Eve: I got an Apple.
Adam: ...
Eve: ...
Adam: ...
Eve: What?
Adam: I thought we'd decided on Android.
Eve: The serpent said this was better.
How do you confuse an Apple user?
Give them options.
Jokes are like Apple
The best stuff has already been been done better by someone else.
What do Apple and the NFL have in common?
The Chargers s**....
In Soviet Russia...
A man asks a Russian: What nationality were Adam and Eve?
The Russian replies: Soviet of course!
The man asks: How do you know?
To which the Russian replies: Well they were both n**..., had only an apple to eat, and thought they were in paradise.
It's good that Apple released only 3 phones this year...
Another one would have been an XS
A Briton, a Frenchman, and a Russian are standing and staring at a portrait of Adam and Eve...
"Look at their calm, their reserve" says the Briton. "Surely they must be British!"
"Nonsense!" Replies the Frenchman. "They are beautiful. Surely they must be French!"
The Russian finally speaks, "they have no clothes, no shelter, only an apple to eat, and are being told this is paradise. They are Russian."
Apple is reportedly buying Shazam for some $400m.
Couldn't they just download it from the App Store for free?
If you see a robbery happen at an Apple store, what are you?
An iWitness
Why did the p**... get angry after having s**... in an apple orchard?
Because her client came in cider.
An apple a day keeps the doctor away...
An orange a day keeps the plumber away...
Basically if you throw fruit at people they go away.
A Russian, a Frenchman, and an Englishman are in an art museum admiring a painting of Adam and Eve in the gardens of Eden.
The Englishman takes a look at the painting and says "They look so calm, they must be British!" The Frenchmen responds "no no! They're n**..., so beautiful, they must be French!" The Russian says "They have no food, no shelter, nothing but an apple to eat, and they are being told this is paradise? ...They're clearly Russian!"
(Whole thing done in thick fake accents)
A guy using Apple maps walks into a bar
...or maybe a hospital....or possibly a church
A truck driver stopped at a roadside diner for lunch and ordered a cheeseburger, coffee and a slice of apple pie. As he was about to eat, three bikers walked in.
One grabbed the trucker's cheeseburger and took a huge bite from it. The second one drank the trucker's coffee, and the third wolfed down his apple pie. The truck driver didn't say a word as he paid the waitress and left.
As the waitress walked up, one of the motorcyclists growled, "He ain't much of a man, is he?"
"He's not much of a driver, either," the waitress replied. "He just backed his 18-wheeler over three motorcycles."
HOW i got rich
One rich man is asked how he got rich. He answers: I bought one unwashed apple in the market for a dollar, washed it and sold it for 2, then bought 2 unwashed apples, washed it and sold it for 4. -And so gradually you got rich? - No, after 2 years, my grandmother died and left me a legacy of 4 billion dollars, and I stopped doing nonsense
What's blue and would kill you if it fell out of a tree?
A really fast apple.
My 2 year old just told me his first joke
My 2 year old is eating an apple and asked me: what does the apple say?
Me: I don't know
2 year old: yummy!
I don't know if this is the right place for it but the pride on his face for making me laugh was the best part of my day!
The oldest computer can be traced back to Adam & Eve.
It was an apple with extremely limited memory. Just 1 byte & then everything crashed.
