The Best 68 Apple Jokes
Following is our collection of funny Apple jokes. There are some apple airpods jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these apple apple cider puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Top 10 of the Funniest Apple Jokes and Puns
What do Apple and Donald Trump have in common?
I would say that they both think de-porting is the answer when there's no more Jobs, but I shouldn't compare apples to oranges.
The oldest computer can be traced back to Adam and Eve.
It was an apple but with extremely limited memory. Just 1 byte. And then everything crashed.
<> Apple has decided to cancel the children's iPod.
Apparently iTouch kids isn't a good product name.
Why did Isaac Newton's son know so much about gravity?
The apple didn't fall far from the tree.
Just saw on the news that Apple is suing Samsung:
They claim that the Galaxy S3 has copied concepts used on the iPhone 6.
The CEO of Apple came out gay...
Now we know why the iPhone 6 can't stay straight
How does an Apple Watch owner know that it's midday?
It's already run out of battery.
Why did Jon Snow stand in line for 6 hours at the Apple Store?
For the watch
A bear climbs a tree....
a bird sitting in the tree asks "Hey, Bear, why are you up in this tree?"
the bear says "I came up here to eat apples."
the bird says "But Bear, this isn't an apple tree. there are no apples up here."
the bear says "That's ok, I brought my own."
An Apple store I was at today just got robbed.
I guess that makes me an iWitness.
An Apple store got robbed last night and $250,000 worth of equipment was stolen.
Police are confident they can recover both the stolen machines.
You can explore apple macs reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean apple ipad dad jokes. There are also apple puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
A: Whats's worse than a worm in the apple?
B: The Holocaust.
A: What's worse than the Holocaust?
B: 5 Million Jews.
Apple, the FBI, and John McAfee are sitting in an office...
Only two were invited, but the third one got in through the backdoor.
Yesterday I farted in a Apple Store and everyone got mad at me
It's not my fault they don't have Windowsο»Ώ
A man is buying a banana, an apple and two eggs. The female cashier says: "You must be single."
The man answers: "Wow, how did you know?"
Cashier: "Because you're ugly."
A woman is buying a banana, an apple and two eggs. The male cashier says: "You must be single."
He got fired.
If you watch an Apple store get robbed,
Does that make you an iWitness?
An Apple store near where I live got robbed
$25k worth of merchandise was stolen. The police said that they will get both computers back.
Apple woke up their lead designer in the middle of the night
To ask him about ideas for the new iPhone.
The disgruntled designer told them "Jack off".
The marketing department found the idea fantastic.
Apple farmers who are too scared to diversify
should just grow a pear.
Apple fitness products don't work.
I tried the iHop and it only made me gain weight.
Let me tell you how I became a millionaire: First, I...
...bought one apple for a dollar with my savings. Then I went out on the street and sold it there for two dollars. With the two dollars I bought two apples for 1$ each and again sold them for 2 dollars each. Now I've had 4 dollars and was able to buy 4 apples, which, you may have guessed, I sold for 2 dollars each. Now I've had 8 dollars and I bought 8 apples and so on and so on...
A few days later my aunt died and I inherited her assets.
There was a computer dating back to Adam and Eve..
It was an apple, and a very bad one at that. It only took one byte for everything to crash.
Why couldn't the apple speak to the orange ?
because he didn't know Mandarin
What do you call an Apple update you don't see coming?
An iPatch... I'm sorry...
An emo and an apple fall out of a tree. Which one hits the ground first?
The apple, the emo is stopped by the rope.ο»Ώ
God is watching
The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch.
At the head of the table was a large pile of apples.. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray: 'Take only ONE . God is watching.'
Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. A child had written a note, 'Take all you want. God is watching the apples
Adam & Eve
The first people to not read the Apple terms and conditions.
You know Apple is run by men...
when they call it an iPhone 6+ and it's only 5.5 inches.
Why do doctors recommend apple juice?
Cause OJ will kill you.
If adam and eve were Chinese
Then we would still be in paradise as they would eat the snake instead of the apple.
I watched two guys rob an Apple Store today. The police caught them.
I'm going to be an iWitness at the trial
Eve gets an apple
Eve: I got an Apple.
Adam: ...
Eve: ...
Adam: ...
Eve: What?
Adam: I thought we'd decided on Android.
Eve: The serpent said this was better.ο»Ώ
How do you confuse an Apple user?
Give them options.
If apple released iphone 8 and 10 this year
Would it release nine eleven next year
Edit : my first 24 hours top 10 thanks all
A man using Apple maps walks into a bar
Or a pharmacy, or maybe a shoe store.
What do Apple and the NFL have in common?
The Chargers suck.
In Soviet Russia...
A man asks a Russian: What nationality were Adam and Eve?
The Russian replies: Soviet of course!
The man asks: How do you know?
To which the Russian replies: Well they were both naked, had only an apple to eat, and thought they were in paradise.
What does the apple user do when he wants to customize his device?
He adjusts the volume.
It's good that Apple released only 3 phones this year...
Another one would have been an XS
A Briton, a Frenchman, and a Russian are standing and staring at a portrait of Adam and Eve...
"Look at their calm, their reserve" says the Briton. "Surely they must be British!"
"Nonsense!" Replies the Frenchman. "They are beautiful. Surely they must be French!"
The Russian finally speaks, "they have no clothes, no shelter, only an apple to eat, and are being told this is paradise. They are Russian."
I just saw an apple store getting robbed
So later the police called me as an iwitness.
Why did the prostitute get angry after having sex in an apple orchard?
Because her client came in cider.
I saw a robbery at an Apple store
I'm the only iWitness
If A is for Apple and B is for Banana then what is C for?
Plastic Explosives.
1 slice of apple pie will cost you $2.45 in Jamaica. A slice of apple pie costs $3.75 in Trinidad and the same slice costs $4.45 in Barbados.
And those are the Pie-Rates of the Caribbean.
If you see a robbery at the Apple store...
... does that make you an iWitness?
We all know where the Big Apple is but does anyone know where theβ¦
Minneapolis
A truck driver stopped at a roadside diner for lunch and ordered a cheeseburger, coffee and a slice of apple pie. As he was about to eat, three bikers walked in.
One grabbed the trucker's cheeseburger and took a huge bite from it. The second one drank the trucker's coffee, and the third wolfed down his apple pie. The truck driver didn't say a word as he paid the waitress and left.
As the waitress walked up, one of the motorcyclists growled, "He ain't much of a man, is he?"
"He's not much of a driver, either," the waitress replied. "He just backed his 18-wheeler over three motorcycles."
An Apple Store in Minneapolis reported losing $200,000 in inventory to riot-related theft.
'Thankfully the looters took nothing but two iPhones' the store's associate manager said.
What's blue and would kill you if it fell out of a tree?
A really fast apple.
Why do Chinese people love IPhones and Apple products?
Because the greatest gifts are the ones your children made.
(inspired by u/lorenzomofo 's comment on a
r/nextfuckinglevel post)
The oldest computer can be traced back to Adam & Eve.
It was an apple with extremely limited memory. Just 1 byte & then everything crashed.
An Englishman, a Frenchman, and a Russian are in an art gallery
They are looking at a painting of Adam and Eve in the garden of Eden.
"Look at how reserved and calm they are," the Englishman says, "they would definitely be English."
"They are naked and beautiful, they would have to be French." The Frenchmen counters.
The Russian speaks up, "no clothes, no shelter, no bed, they have only an apple between them, and they're told this is paradise. They are certainly Russian."
A policeman walks by a street vendor
Policeman: What are you selling?
Vendor: Apple seeds... $5 a pop!
Policeman: What???Why would anyone want to eat apple seed?
Vendor: They make you smarter!
Policeman: OK, give me one (swallows it)... wait a minute? For $5 I could have bought a pound of apples and got myself at least 20 seeds!
Vendor: See!!! You're smarter already!
Policeman: WOW, you're right... Give me two more, quick!
Don't fart in an Apple Store...
They don't have windows. :)
My grandma always used to say, "An apple a day keeps the doctor away. "
I don't know if that's true, or just one of Granny's myths?
Do you know the oldest computer was owned by Adam and Eve?
It was an apple, with very limited memory, one byte and everything crashed!
What do you call a person who saw an apple store getting robed?
An iWitness.
If you have 13 apples in one hand and 10 oranges in the other, what do you have?
**Big hands.**
They're teaching apple juicing down the road from me, but it got cancelled before I could go.
It was a pressing issue.
Apple should be commended for using recycled materials in their products. Recycled plastics, recycled aluminum...
...even their phone designs are recycled
Apple have come up with a new revolutionary eye patch for pirates.
It's called the iEye patch.
(I'm sorry)
Pricey Pies
Did you know a pork pie in Aruba costs $1.50? A cheese and spinach pie will cost you $2.60 in Barbados. An apple pie is only $1.30 in Jamaica whereas a pecan pie will set you back $3.50 in Grenada.
And those are the pie rates of the Carribean.
Young David asked his wealthy grandfather, Sol, how he had made his money.
Sol said, "Well, David, it was 1955, and I was down to my last five cents. I went to the local market and invested that five cents in a large apple. I spent the entire day polishing the apple and, at the end of the day, I sold the apple for ten cents."
"The next morning, I invested the ten cents in two large apples. I spent the entire day polishing them and I sold them at the end of the day for twenty cents. I continued this system for a month. Then Bubbie died and left us five million dollars."
What nationality were Adam and Eve?
Soviet, of course. Who else would walk around barefoot and naked, have one apple to share between them, and think they were in Paradise?
What's worse than finding a worm in your apple?
Finding half a worm.
Am eating an apple with a wormhole in it and remembered my mom telling this joke.
What type of apple grows on a tree?
All of them.
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the apple apple picking jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working apple knock knock apple piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.