apple Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious apple puns

What do Apple and Donald Trump have in common?

I would say that they both think de-porting is the answer when there's no more Jobs, but I shouldn't compare apples to oranges.

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The oldest computer can be traced back to Adam and Eve.

It was an apple but with extremely limited memory. Just 1 byte. And then everything crashed.

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If A is for Apple and B is for Banana then what is C for?

Plastic Explosives.

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The oldest computer...

The oldest computer can be traced to Adam and Eve.

Yes, it was an Apple.

But with an extremely limited memory.

Just one byte.

Then everything crashed.

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1 slice of apple pie will cost you $2.45 in Jamaica. A slice of apple pie costs $3.75 in Trinidad and the same slice costs $4.45 in Barbados.

And those are the Pie-Rates of the Caribbean.

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A Briton, a Frenchman, and a Russian are standing and staring at a portrait of Adam and Eve...

"Look at their calm, their reserve" says the Briton. "Surely they must be British!"

"Nonsense!" Replies the Frenchman. "They are beautiful. Surely they must be French!"

The Russian finally speaks, "they have no clothes, no shelter, only an apple to eat, and are being told this is paradise. They are Russian."

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A man is buying a banana, an apple and two eggs. The female cashier says: "You must be single."

The man answers: "Wow, how did you know?"

Cashier: "Because you're ugly."

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Why did Jon Snow stand in line for 6 hours at the Apple Store?

For the watch

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How does an Apple Watch owner know that it's midday?

It's already run out of battery.

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If you watch an Apple store get robbed,

Does that make you an iWitness?

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I once farted in the Apple Store and everybody got pissed

It's not my fault they don't have Windows

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A slice of apple pie in Jamaica is $2.00. It is $2.50 in the Bahamas.

These are the pie rates of the Caribbean.

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A man using Apple maps walks into a bar

Or a pharmacy, or maybe a shoe store.

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Let me tell you how I became a millionaire: First, I...

...bought one apple for a dollar with my savings. Then I went out on the street and sold it there for two dollars. With the two dollars I bought two apples for 1$ each and again sold them for 2 dollars each. Now I've had 4 dollars and was able to buy 4 apples, which, you may have guessed, I sold for 2 dollars each. Now I've had 8 dollars and I bought 8 apples and so on and so on...

A few days later my aunt died and I inherited her assets.

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Apple woke up their lead designer in the middle of the night

To ask him about ideas for the new iPhone.
The disgruntled designer told them "Jack off".
The marketing department found the idea fantastic.

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What does the apple user do when he wants to customize his device?

He adjusts the volume.

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The CEO of Apple came out gay...

Now we know why the iPhone 6 can't stay straight

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What do Apple and the NFL have in common?

The Chargers suck.

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An Apple store near where I live got robbed

$25k worth of merchandise was stolen. The police said that they will get both computers back.

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An emo and an apple fall out of a tree. Which one hits the ground first?

The apple, the emo is stopped by the rope.

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Apple announced a breast implant that plays music...

The iTit is considered a major social break through since women have always complained that men stare at their breasts but never listen to them.

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If apple released iphone 8 and 10 this year

Would it release nine eleven next year

Edit : my first 24 hours top 10 thanks all

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You know Apple is run by men...

when they call it an iPhone 6+ and it's only 5.5 inches.

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iBoob

Apple Computer announced today that it has developed a computer chip that can store and play high fidelity music in women's breast implants. The iBoob will cost between $499 and $699, depending on the speaker size. This is considered to be a major breakthrough because women have always complained about men staring at their breasts and not listening to them.

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If you see an Apple store getting robbed....

Does that make you an iWitness?

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Why do Apples new headphones look like tampons?

Because they're made exclusively for cunts.

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There was a computer dating back to Adam and Eve..

It was an apple, and a very bad one at that. It only took one byte for everything to crash.

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What do you call it when you get your dick stuck in an Apple product?

A Steve Job

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I tried to submit a patent for a gold-plated buttplug

But it looks like apple beat me to it.
Turns out they are already making overpriced toys for assholes

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How do you get an apple pregnant?

You cum in cider.

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An Apple store got robbed last night and $250,000 worth of equipment was stolen.

Police are confident they can recover both the stolen machines.

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I wanted to start a business selling premium dildos,

but I think I can't compete with Apple selling overpriced stuff for assholes.

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Just saw on the news that Apple is suing Samsung:

They claim that the Galaxy S3 has copied concepts used on the iPhone 6.

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It's good that Apple released only 3 phones this year...

Another one would have been an XS

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A woman is buying a banana, an apple and two eggs. The male cashier says: "You must be single."

He got fired.

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What are the most funny Apple jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Apple? Well, here are the best Apple dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Apple pick up lines to share with friends.

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