Giggle-Inducing Apple Fruit Jokes for Joyful Times with Friends
An apple a day keeps the doctor away...
An orange a day keeps the plumber away...
Basically if you throw fruit at people they go away.
The old Man's Pond
An elderly man in Louisiana had owned a large farm for several years.
He had a large pond in the back. It was properly shaped for swimming, so he fixed it up nice with picnic tables, horseshoe courts, and some apple and peach trees.
One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn't been there for a while, and look it over.
He grabbed a five-gallon bucket to bring back some fruit.
As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee.
As he came closer, he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his pond.
He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end.
One of the women shouted to him, 'we're not coming out until you leave!'
The old man frowned, 'I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim naked or make you get out of the pond naked.'
Holding the bucket up he said,
'I'm here to feed the alligator...'
An elderly man in Saskatchewan.
An elderly man in Saskatchewan had owned a large farm for several years. He had a large pond in the back, fixed up nice; picnic tables, horseshoe courts, and some apple and peach trees. The pond was properly shaped and fixed up for swimming. One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn't been there for a while, and look it over. He grabbed a five gallon bucket to bring back some fruit. As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee. As he came closer he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his pond. He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end. One of the women shouted to him, "We're not coming out until you leave!" The old man frowned, "I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim naked, or make you get out of the pond naked." Holding the bucket up he said, "I'm here to feed the alligator."
Why is an apple a Dalek's favourite fruit?
Because it keeps the Doctor away!
Did you hear about the man who was using apples and oranges for flooring?
He started to lay them down when he realized it was fruit-tile.
Apples are my second favourite fruit.
They're sublime!
Why don't golddiggers eat fruit?
An apple a day keeps the doctors away
What do you call it when you drop an apple on the ground?
A fruit by the foot
A new supermarket opened near me a few weeks ago.
They're trying a new thing: immersion! For example, when you stop by the deli you can smell fresh grass and hear cows mooing, at the fish section you smell sea salt and feel a small bit of spray on your face, and at the fruit stall you can see mist on the apples, and smell fields of oranges and pears.
I don't get toilet roll there anymore.
Apples are a lot like oranges
They're both fruit, they both grow on trees and you can't compare them to each other.
What's a zombie's favorite fruit?
The Adam's apple!
You can explore apple fruit apples reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean apple fruit apricot dad jokes. There are also apple fruit puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
My doctor told me I had to add more apples, pears, and berries to my diet
It was a fruitful checkup.
Why did Eve eating the forbidden fruit cause a lump in Adams throat?
Because she was eating Adam's apple.
An apple a day keeps the doctor away
But if the doctor's cute, forget the fruit
A major detergent manufacturer is to release a new range of fruit scents, including apple, tomato, orange, banana and mango
They're going to call it "Tide Pods - Natural Selection"
What fruit did Hillary grind up in her juicer?
13 blackberries and 5 apples
I walked up to a woman in a bar and said hey, baby, if you were a fruit you'd be a fine-apple.
She responded and if you were a fruit, women would rejoice.
A Philosopher, a Physicist and a Common Man
A Philosopher, a Physicist and a Common Man stand around a piece of fruit.
When asked what the fruit is, the philosopher says We can never know what this piece of fruit truly is. We assume, through wisdom, that the form of the fruit is closest to our perceptions of the fruit .
The physicist states: Truly there is no fruit. The fruit is simply the interaction of fundamental forces and unseeable particles colliding through time until the fruit is formed .
The Common Man replies: It's an apple.
Take only one
A boy was at a church dinner. They approached the fruit table. A nun, who was refilling the apple tray, instructed them, "We need to feed many people, so be nice and take only one. Remember, God is watching." He took one apple and moved along.
When he got to the dessert table, he took as many cookies as he could put on his plate. When a nun asked why he was doing that, he said, "Don't worry, God is busy watching the apples."
What's the similarity between an apple and an orange beside that both are fruits?
Both are not a banana.
People say you can't compare apples to oranges...
... always seemed like a fruitful comparison to me though.
Fruits Joke
Apple: I look like a Human Heart ---
Mango: I look like a Stomach ---
Grapes: I look like Eyes ---
Banana: I Hate This Game
A group of criminals decide to rob an apple farm
They leave with hundreds of apples in the back of their truck. The owner calls the cops and they quickly set up spike strips further along the path. The criminals hit the strips and their tires are shredded instantly. However they make it back to their safe house and unload the cargo. It was truly a tireless effort, but the results were extremely fruitful.
Comparing subjects that are apples to oranges isn't useless
It can lead to a fruitful discussion
Why can't fruit be compared?
Apples and oranges cannot be peared.
I went to buy some fruit yesterday...
I walked into the store intending to buy an apple. So I asked the cashier "How much do apples cost?"
He said that they were 50p each, but bananas and pears were only 30p each.
So I said "Oh ok then, I'll take a pear".
He gave me two apples and charged me £1.
In which mountain range do fruit trees primarily grow?
The Apple-achian mountains.
Baby if you were a fruit - you'd be a fine-apple.
But if you were a vegetable, I'd visit you in hospital.
What did the apple say to the pear?
No idea. I figured if anyone knew what fruits talked about it would be you.
Aaaannnd here come the downvotes...
Don't be foolish, the forbidden fruit in the Garden of Eden was obviously not an apple.
It was an orange. Haven't you heard of oranginal sin?
Today I got my first paycheck from my fruit picking job.
It was Apple Pay.
Teacher: If you have 52 watermelons in one hand, and 43 apples in the other, you give 7 fruits to your friend, what do you have?
Student: A friend
My 5-year old cousin asked if he can have a mini-apple...
If he could learn the names of fruits, that would be grape
did you hear about the new fruit powered motor?
it runs on apples but it still mangoes
People laugh at me when I tell them I've never heard a fruit lie.
Guess they've never heard of candid apples.
