Apple Fruit Jokes
64 apple fruit jokes and hilarious apple fruit puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about apple fruit that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Apple Fruit Short Jokes
Short apple fruit jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The apple fruit humour may include short apple juice jokes also.
- An apple a day keeps the doctor away... An orange a day keeps the plumber away...
Basically if you throw fruit at people they go away. - Did you hear about the man who was using apples and oranges for flooring? He started to lay them down when he realized it was fruit-tile.
- Apples are a lot like oranges They're both fruit, they both grow on trees and you can't compare them to each other.
- My doctor told me I had to add more apples, pears, and berries to my diet It was a fruitful checkup.
- A major detergent manufacturer is to release a new range of fruit scents, including apple, tomato, orange, banana and mango They're going to call it "Tide Pods - Natural Selection"
- I walked up to a woman in a bar and said hey, baby, if you were a fruit you'd be a fine-apple. She responded and if you were a fruit, women would rejoice.
- What's the similarity between an apple and an orange beside that both are fruits? Both are not a banana.
- People say you can't compare apples to oranges... ... always seemed like a fruitful comparison to me though.
- Fruits Joke Apple: I look like a Human Heart ---
Mango: I look like a Stomach ---
Grapes: I look like Eyes ---
Banana: I Hate This Game - Comparing subjects that are apples to oranges isn't useless It can lead to a fruitful discussion
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Apple Fruit One Liners
Which apple fruit one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with apple fruit? I can suggest the ones about apple picking and apple and pear.
- Why is an apple a Dalek's favourite fruit? Because it keeps the Doctor away!
- Apples are my second favourite fruit. They're sublime!
- Why don't golddiggers eat fruit? An apple a day keeps the doctors away
- What do you call it when you drop an apple on the ground? A fruit by the foot
- What's a zombie's favorite fruit? The Adam's apple!
- An apple a day keeps the doctor away But if the doctor's cute, forget the fruit
- What fruit did Hillary grind up in her juicer? 13 blackberries and 5 apples
- Why can't fruit be compared? Apples and oranges cannot be peared.
- In which mountain range do fruit trees primarily grow? The Apple-achian mountains.
- Today I got my first paycheck from my fruit picking job. It was Apple Pay.
- did you hear about the new fruit powered motor? it runs on apples but it still mangoes
- What is a Norwegian Blues favourite fruit? A Pine-Apple!
- What kind of fruit do republicans hate? Dem Apples.
- A man walks into a fruit shop and goes to the apple section Then he buys an orange.
- If you saw a fruit that was half banana and half apple... you'd be bappled!
Giggle-Inducing Apple Fruit Jokes for Joyful Times with Friends
What funny jokes about apple fruit you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean apple jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make apple fruit pranks.
One day in class, the teacher brought a bag full of fruit and said, "Now class, I'm going to reach into the bag and describe a piece of fruit and you tell me which fruit I'm talking about. Alright, the first one is round, plump, and red. Little Johnny raised his hand high but the teacher ignored him and picked Deborah who promptly answered, "Apple." The teacher replied, "No Deborah, it's a beet, but I like your thinking. Now the second one is soft, fuzzy and colored red and brown." Johnny is hopping up and down in his seat trying to get the teacher to call on him but she calls on Billy. "Is it a peach?" Billy asks. "No, it's a potato, but I like your thinking," the teacher replies. "Okay the next one is long, yellow, and fairly hard." Johnny is about to explode as he waves his hand frantically but the teacher calls on Sally who say, "A banana." The teacher responds, "No, it's a squash, but I like your thinking." Johnny is irritated now so he speaks up loudly, "Hey, I've got one for you teacher. Let me put my hand in my pocket. Okay, I've got it. It's round, hard, and it's got a head on it." "Johnny!" she cries, "That's disgusting!" "Nope," answers Johnny, "It's a quarter, but I like your thinking!"
An elderly man in Saskatchewan.
An elderly man in Saskatchewan had owned a large farm for several years. He had a large pond in the back, fixed up nice; picnic tables, horseshoe courts, and some apple and peach trees. The pond was properly shaped and fixed up for swimming. One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn't been there for a while, and look it over. He grabbed a five gallon bucket to bring back some fruit. As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee. As he came closer he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his pond. He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end. One of the women shouted to him, "We're not coming out until you leave!" The old man frowned, "I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim n**..., or make you get out of the pond n**...." Holding the bucket up he said, "I'm here to feed the alligator."
The Watering Hole
An elderly man in Louisiana had owned a large farm for several years.
He had a large pond in the back. It was properly shaped for swimming, so he fixed it up nice with picnic tables, horseshoe courts, and some apple and peach trees.
One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn't been there for a while, and look it over.
He grabbed a five-gallon bucket to bring back some fruit.
As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee.
As he came closer, he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his pond.
He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end.
One of the women shouted to him, 'we're not coming out until you leave!'
The old man frowned, 'I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim n**... or make you get out of the pond n**....'
Holding the bucket up he said,
'I'm here to feed the alligator...'
Skinny dipping in your neighbors pond
An elderly man in Louisiana had owned a large farm for several years.
He had a large pond in the back. It was properly shaped for swimming, so he fixed
it up nice with picnic tables, horseshoe courts, and some apple and peach trees.
One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn't been there for a while, and look it over.
He grabbed a five-gallon bucket to bring back some fruit.
As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee.
As he came closer, he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his pond.
He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end.
One of the women shouted to him, 'we're not coming out until you leave!'
The old man frowned, 'I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim n**... or make you get out of the pond n**....'
Holding the bucket up he said,
'I'm here to feed the alligator...'
Some old men can still think fast.
Fast thinking old man
The old farmer had a large pond in the back, fixed up nicely with picnic tables, a barbecue pit, horseshoe courts, and some apple and peach trees. The pond was properly shaped and fixed up for swimming when it was built.
One evening, the old guy decided to go down to the pond and look it over. He hadn't been there for a while. He grabbed a five gallon bucket to bring back some fruit.
As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee. As he came closer, he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny dipping in his pond. As he approached, he made the women aware of his presence.
At once, they all went to the deep end.
One of the women shouted to him, "We're not coming out until you leave."
The old man frowned, "I did not come down here to watch you young ladies swim n**..., or to make you get out of the pond n**...."
Holding up the bucket, he said, "I'm here to feed the alligator."
Moral: Old men can still think fast!
The Farmer and The Skinny Dippers
An elderly man in Louisiana had owned a large farm for several years. He had a large pond in the back. It was properly shaped for swimming, so he fixed it up nice with picnic tables, horseshoe courts, and some apple and peach trees. One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn't been there for a while, and look it over. He grabbed a five-gallon bucket to bring back some fruit. As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee. As he came closer, he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his pond. He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end. One of the women shouted to him, "We're not coming out until you leave!" The old man frowned, "I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim n**... or make you get out of the pond n**...." Holding the bucket up he said, "I'm here to feed the alligator…"
Old men think fast
An elderly man in Louisiana had owned a large farm for several years. He had a large pond in the back. It was properly shaped for swimming, so he fixed it up nice with picnic tables, horseshoe courts, and some apple and peach trees.
One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn't been there for a while, and look it over. He grabbed a five-gallon bucket to bring back some fruit. As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee.
As he came closer, he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his pond. He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end.
One of the women shouted to him, We're not coming out until you leave!'
The old man frowned, I didn't come down here
to watch you ladies swim n**... or make you
get out of the pond n**....
Holding the bucket up he said, I'm here to feed the alligator…
The old Man's Pond
An elderly man in Louisiana had owned a large farm for several years.
He had a large pond in the back. It was properly shaped for swimming, so he fixed it up nice with picnic tables, horseshoe courts, and some apple and peach trees.
One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn't been there for a while, and look it over.
He grabbed a five-gallon bucket to bring back some fruit.
As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee.
As he came closer, he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his pond.
He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end.
One of the women shouted to him, 'we're not coming out until you leave!'
The old man frowned, 'I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim n**... or make you get out of the pond n**....'
Holding the bucket up he said,
'I'm here to feed the alligator...'
What did the banana say to the apple?
Nothing. Fruits can't talk. Idiot.
I'm so baked,
That I'm two apples and three tablespoons of sugar away from a fruit pie.
Why doesn't Ebola harm fruit?
Because if it affected an Apple it'd be called I-Bola.
Baby if you were a fruit - you'd be a fine-apple.
But if you were a vegetable, I'd visit you in hospital.
My 5-year old cousin asked if he can have a mini-apple...
If he could learn the names of fruits, that would be grape
Snow White just ate an apple and got a love life
And here I am eating a fruit salad and still got nothing
Teacher: If you have 52 watermelons in one hand, and 43 apples in the other, you give 7 fruits to your friend, what do you have?
Student: A friend
What did the apple say to the pear?
No idea. I figured if anyone knew what fruits talked about it would be you.
Aaaannnd here come the downvotes...
I went to buy some fruit yesterday...
I walked into the store intending to buy an apple. So I asked the cashier "How much do apples cost?"
He said that they were 50p each, but bananas and pears were only 30p each.
So I said "Oh ok then, I'll take a pear".
He gave me two apples and charged me £1.
Why did Eve eating the forbidden fruit cause a lump in Adams t**...?
Because she was eating Adam's apple.
A group of criminals decide to rob an apple farm
They leave with hundreds of apples in the back of their truck. The owner calls the cops and they quickly set up spike strips further along the path. The criminals hit the strips and their tires are shredded instantly. However they make it back to their safe house and unload the cargo. It was truly a tireless effort, but the results were extremely fruitful.
Don't be foolish, the forbidden fruit in the Garden of Eden was obviously not an apple.
It was an orange. Haven't you heard of oranginal sin?
Take only one
A boy was at a church dinner. They approached the fruit table. A nun, who was refilling the apple tray, instructed them, "We need to feed many people, so be nice and take only one. Remember, God is watching." He took one apple and moved along.
When he got to the dessert table, he took as many cookies as he could put on his plate. When a nun asked why he was doing that, he said, "Don't worry, God is busy watching the apples."
People laugh at me when I tell them I've never heard a fruit lie.
Guess they've never heard of candid apples.
Four sailors in the middle of the ocean had their ship crashed on an island
The villagers captured them and brought them to the leader. He looked at them ordering everyone of the 4 to bring a different kind of fruit.
Once they arrived he told them : "Put your fruit in your a**... and if you cry or laugh you are dead"
The first one had a small apple so it was smooth and easy for him.
The second one had a small banana and didn't laugh too.
The third had grape and had put it in his a**... but laughed heavily.
His friends asked him : "Why're you laughing, you have grapes, should be the easiest"
He replied : "While I was putting the grape in my b**... I saw the 4th guy holding a sugar cane"
A new supermarket opened near me a few weeks ago.
They're trying a new thing: immersion! For example, when you stop by the deli you can smell fresh grass and hear cows mooing, at the fish section you smell sea salt and feel a small bit of spray on your face, and at the fruit stall you can see mist on the apples, and smell fields of oranges and pears.
I don't get toilet roll there anymore.
A Philosopher, a Physicist and a Common Man
A Philosopher, a Physicist and a Common Man stand around a piece of fruit.
When asked what the fruit is, the philosopher says We can never know what this piece of fruit truly is. We assume, through wisdom, that the form of the fruit is closest to our perceptions of the fruit .
The physicist states: Truly there is no fruit. The fruit is simply the interaction of fundamental forces and unseeable particles colliding through time until the fruit is formed .
The Common Man replies: It's an apple.
