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Applause Jokes

57 applause jokes and hilarious applause puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about applause that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Funniest Applause Short Jokes

Short applause jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The applause humour may include short clapping jokes also.

  1. At a gender reveal party, a box is lifted to reveal a glass of water. The crowd goes wild and break
    into a thunderous applause.
    The gender is fluid.
  2. What do you call it when one Star Wars character gives you a round of applause? a hand solo
  3. I heard Trump's staff holds up a big applause sign during his speeches... He wants everyone to give him a big hand.
  4. Walking on stage to a round of applause is a lot like foreplay. Both involve a warm hand on my entrance.
  5. What do you call it when someone gets gonorrhea multiple times *Applause*
    I just made this up, i know it's terrible but at least its not a repost (I think).
  6. What's the deal with dead people? It's like, come on... Get a life!
    (Applause)
    Thank you.
  7. What do you call a terrible performance of Han Solo: The Musical? A rebel without applause.
  8. I wanted to give a round of applause to the most exciting person I'd ever slept with But I thought a standing ovation was more appropriate
  9. They're not sure if Kim Jong Un is actually missing or is feeling under the weather... .... so is Kim Jong *ill*?
    *Applause applause*
    Thank you. I'll be here all night, folks.
  10. If someone receives social justice, but doesn't post about it on social media... ...does the applause make a sound?

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Applause One Liners

Which applause one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with applause? I can suggest the ones about standing ovation and praise.

  1. Why did the candle get a round of applause? It was scent-sational
  2. I've had the clap at least 12 times At this point it should really be called the applause
  3. (homemade) what did the frog do to the paper? Veteran dad here, no applause required.
  4. I've had the clap so much that it's turning into applause.
  5. Why do people clap at benefits? They have applausable cause.
  6. What did the clouds do after seeing the light show? They gave a thunderous applause.
  7. What do you call a group of Chlamydia bacteria? An applause....
  8. Let's give a circle of applause for Pi day No? Ok, sorry.
  9. What do you call it when a bunch of elephants clap? A huge round of Applause!
  10. In the military what comes before "Bravo"? Applause
  11. If you get the clap a bunch of times... ...does it just become applause?
  12. Do you know what they call it when you get Gonorrhea twice? The Applause!
  13. Me: Finished PowerPoint presentation Class: applause
  14. What do you call applause after a b**...? f**... recognition
  15. What do you call Santa without both his arms?... ***Can't Applause...***

Applause joke, What do you call Santa without both his arms?...

Gather Around for Fun Applause Jokes and Laughter with Friends

What funny jokes about applause you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean claps jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make applause pranks.

The Vicar's Salary

At Sunday church the local Vicar explains that he must move on to
a larger congregation that will pay him more.
There is a hush within the congregation.
No one wants him to leave because he is so popular.
Fred Smith, who owns several car dealerships in Glasgow, stands up and
proclaims:
'If the Vicar stays, I will provide him with a new Mercedes every
year, and his wife with a Volkswagen mini-van to transport their
children!'
The congregation sighs in appreciation and applauds.
Sam Brown, a successful entrepreneur and publican, stands and says, if
the Vicar will stay on here, I'll personally double his salary
and establish a foundation to guarantee private secondary school
education for all of his children!'
More sighs and loud applause.
Agnes Jones, age 88, stands and announces with a smile,
'If the Vicar stays, I will give him free s**....'
There is total silence.
The Preacher, blushing, asks her:
'Mrs. Jones, you're a wonderful and holy lady, whatever possessed you
to say that?'
Agnes's 90-year old husband, Joe, is now trying to hide, holding his
forehead with the palm of his hand and shaking
his head from side to side, while his wife replies:
'Well, I just asked my husband how we could help, and he said, 'Fuck him'.

Pilot Choice

As the crowded airliner is about to take off, the peace is shattered by a five-year-old boy who picks that moment to throw a wild temper tantrum. No matter what his frustrated, embarrassed mother does to try to calm him down, the boy continues to scream furiously and kick the seats around him. Suddenly, from the rear of the plane, an elderly man in the uniform of an Air Force General is seen slowly walking forward up the aisle. Stopping the flustered mother with an upraised hand, the white-haired, courtly, soft-spoken General leans down and, motioning toward his chest, whispers something into the boy's ear.
Instantly, the boy calms down, gently takes his mother's hand, and quietly fastens his seat belt.
All the other passengers burst into spontaneous applause. As the General slowly makes his way back to his seat, one of the cabin attendants touches his sleeve.
"Excuse me, General," she asks quietly, "but could I ask you what magic words you used on that little boy?"
The old man smiles serenely and gently confides, "I showed him my pilot's wings, service stars, and battle ribbons, and explained that they entitle me to throw one passenger out the plane door, on any flight I choose."

A man out of work...

...sees an opening at the zoo. The head zookeeper says to him "Our ape just died and it's too expensive to replace him. Can you dress up in an ape suit and run around the ape pen? The man, desperate for a job, agrees. The next day, he does his thing as the ape, but while hopping from tree to tree, falls in the lion pen. The lion chases him around for a while, to thunderous applause from the crowd. The lion finally tackles the man and says "Do you want to get us both fired?"

Interruption of the speech of Comrade Stalin

Stalin reads his report to the Party Congress. Suddenly someone sneezes.
"Who sneezed?" (Silence.)
"First row! On your feet! Shoot them!" (Applause.)
"Who sneezed?" (Silence.) "Second row! On your feet! Shoot them!" (Long, loud applause.)
"Who sneezed?" (Silence.) ...
A dejected voice in the back: "It was me" (Sobs.)
Stalin leans forward: "Bless you, comrade!"
Thanks to allrussias for glorious joke!

Old man at the hospital.

An old man comes to the doctor and says:
"I have this whistling sound in my ear after s**...!".
The doctor asks: "How old are you?"
"Seventy five"
"Well what do you want?! Applause?!"

Was walking by a mental hospital when.....

I was walking down the street in front of a mental hospital when I heard a large group of people chanting 6, 6, 6, 6. My curiosity got the better of me thinking I was about to witness some sort of satanic ritual, so I peered through a small hole in the fence at which point a finger immediately poked me in the eye. After a short round of celebration and applause from inside, I then heard the people start chanting 7, 7, 7, 7.

I did two tours in Afghanistan and one in Iraq

Thank you for the applause! Not enough people appreciate s**... tourists.

Did to hear about the guy who pretended to wash his hair with e**...?

It was actually sham-p**....
*thunderous applause*

The Sun Mission

Kim Jong-un announced in a news conference that North Korea would be sending a man to the sun within ten years!
A reporter said - "But the sun is very hot. How can your man land on the sun?"
There was a stunned silence. Nobody knew how to react. Then Kim Jong-un quietly answered "We will land at night". The entire audience broke out in thunderous applause !
Back in the White House, Donald Trump and his entourage were watching the news conference on TV. When Trump heard what Kim had said, he sneered - "What an idiot. There is no sun at night time !"
Now, his cabinet broke up in thunderous applause !!

A classic Soviet joke

(Setting: 1980 Olympics)
Leonid Ilyich Brezhnev began reading his opening speech.
"O!" - the crowd applauses.
"O!" - another round of applause and cheer comes from the audience.
"O!" - the entire audience body stands up and begins clapping.
A secretary comes to Brezhnev and says, "Dear Leonid Ilyich, these are Olympic logo rings; you don't need to read all of them!"

DPRK sends astronaut to the sun

Kim Jong Un is sitting in his office. He proudly tells his advisors:
North Korea will be the first country to send people to the sun!
His advisors break out in applause. Meanwhile Donald Trump is watching this live on TV. He calls Kim Jong Un and asks him:
How are you going to send people to the sun? It's too hot!
Kim Jong Un replies by saying to his advisors:
What an idiot! We can send them at night!
His advisors break out in applause. On hearing this Donald Trump says to his advisors:
What an idiot!…
There is no sun at night!

A tough guy walks into a bar with an alligator on a leash.

When he has everyone's attention, he grabs the alligator by the mouth, opens it, and let's it chomp down on his c**.... He counts to ten, then hits the gator on the head with a beer bottle and it lets go. When the applause dies down, he offers $1,000 to anyone that can do that . The bar is dead quiet, and finally a little old lady raises her hand. I'll try it...but just don't hit me that hard on the head with the beer bottle .

What do you call an o**... where everyone has gonorrhea?

A round of applause.

What do you call an o**... with people that have Gonorrhea?

A round of applause.

(Get Ready to be Blown Away) What Do You Call A Hospital Full Of Sick Doctors?

**A Staff Infection** *massive applause*

A bus full of cheerleaders went off a cliff

Miraculously, all twenty of them managed to grab onto the same branch sticking out of the cliffside. There were nineteen beautiful blondes and one brunette. The brunette saw the branch was starting to break, so she made a decision.
"Listen ladies," she said. "As skinny as we are, this branch can't hold all our weight. You're all so beautiful and talented, so I'm going to let go in hopes that it's enough to save your lives. Tell my family I love them."
The blondes were so moved by her selfless sacrifice that they gave her a round of applause.

What do you call congratulatory s**...?

A pound of applause

Prime Minister Shinzo Abe gives an opening speech at the Tokyo Olympics.

He walks up to the microphone. "O!" he says, which is followed by applause.
"O!" he says again, as an ovation.
"O!" he says again, and the audience stands up and cheers. Suddenly, an aide runs up to the podium.
"Prime Minister Abe," the aide whispers, "those are the Olympic logo rings, you don't need to read all of them!"

3 Redditors walk into a bar...

The first one orders a beer. Five minutes later the second one orders a beer and the whole bar starts cheering, another five minutes later the third one orders a beer and the whole city erupts in applause.

A Reddit user, a Reddit user, and a Reddit user walk into a bar.

The first one orders a coke. Five minutes later the second one orders a coke and the whole bar starts cheering, another five minutes later the third one orders a coke and the whole city erupts in thunderous applause.

Kim Jong Un proudly tells his advisors: North Korea will be the first country to send people to the sun!

His advisors break out in applause. Meanwhile Donald Trump is watching this live on TV. He calls Kim Jong Un and asks him:
How are you going to send people to the sun? It's too hot!
Kim Jong Un replies by saying to his advisors:
What an idiot! We can send them at night!
His advisors break out in applause. On hearing this Donald Trump says to his advisors:
What an idiot!…
There is no sun at night!

I dated a s**... girl once who gave me the clap so many times...

I started referring to it as the applause.

If two people with clap have s**...,

Is it considered a round of applause?

Kim Jong-Un walks into a school in North Korea.

He asks a student "Who is your father?
The student replies "The Supreme Leader, infinite in wisdom and kindness, provider and protector of the Koreans, he is our only father."
Kim Jong beams. "Excellent. Now tell me who is your mother?"
The student doesn't hesitate. "The Land of True Korea, outstanding in her beauty, international superpower, and redeemer of all civilisations, she is our only mother."
Kim Jong applauses. "What a diligent student you are. What do you want to be when you're older?"
The student replies "An orphan."

Me: Why did the elephant paint his toenails red?

Them: Why?
Me: To hide in the strawberry patch
Them: ……..
Me: have you ever seen an elephant in a strawberry patch?
Them: no?
Me: then I guess it works
Cue applause.

The greatest magic trick

A world famous Hispanic magician walked on stage to thunderous applause from a large crowd. He announced to the audience that he would disappear before their very eyes before the count of three. He begins the count Uno, Dos.. p**...! He disappeared without a Tres.

Applause joke, What do you call it when one Star Wars character gives you a round of applause?

jokes about applause