Gather Around for Fun Applause Jokes and Laughter with Friends
My knock knock joke
You: Hey, wanna hear a joke?
Friend: Yeah, sure.
You: Say "Knock knock."
Friend: Knock knock
You: Who's there?
Friend: ...
[Awkward silence]
You: HA! Jokes on you!
[applause]
I wish I was invisible & could fly...
I'd then beat up a mime and see how much applause he gets.
What do you call a terrible performance of Han Solo: The Musical?
A rebel without applause.
What's the deal with dead people?
It's like, come on... Get a life!
(Applause)
Thank you.
Interruption of the speech of Comrade Stalin
Stalin reads his report to the Party Congress. Suddenly someone sneezes.
"Who sneezed?" (Silence.)
"First row! On your feet! Shoot them!" (Applause.)
"Who sneezed?" (Silence.) "Second row! On your feet! Shoot them!" (Long, loud applause.)
"Who sneezed?" (Silence.) ...
A dejected voice in the back: "It was me" (Sobs.)
Stalin leans forward: "Bless you, comrade!"
Thanks to allrussias for glorious joke!
They're not sure if Kim Jong Un is actually missing or is feeling under the weather...
.... so is Kim Jong *ill*?
*Applause applause*
Thank you. I'll be here all night, folks.
Old man at the hospital.
An old man comes to the doctor and says:
"I have this whistling sound in my ear after s**...!".
The doctor asks: "How old are you?"
"Seventy five"
"Well what do you want?! Applause?!"
What do you call a group of sorority girls/fraternity guys standing in a circle?
A round of applause
...because they all have the clap.
I've had the clap so much that it's turning into applause.
Do you know what they call it when you get Gonorrhea twice?
The Applause!
I did two tours in Afghanistan and one in Iraq
Thank you for the applause! Not enough people appreciate s**... tourists.
You can explore applause hugs reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean applause speech dad jokes. There are also applause puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
What do you call a group of Chlamydia bacteria?
An applause....
If you get the clap a bunch of times...
...does it just become applause?
Did to hear about the guy who pretended to wash his hair with e**...?
It was actually sham-p**....
*thunderous applause*
In the military what comes before "Bravo"?
Applause
What do you call Santa without both his arms?...
***Can't Applause...***
What do you call a c**... live performance of a James Dean movie?
Rebel without applause.
I didn't say he got out.
Santa: My dad was an extremely brave man. He once entered a lion's cage.
Banta: He probably got a lot of applause ven he got out.
Santa: I didn't say he got out.
Let's give a circle of applause for Pi day
No? Ok, sorry.
I wanted to give a round of applause to the most exciting person I'd ever slept with
But I thought a standing ovation was more appropriate
Think that at my mother-in-law's f**... they had to raise and lower the casket 3 times...
...before the applause died down.
A classic Soviet joke
(Setting: 1980 Olympics)
Leonid Ilyich Brezhnev began reading his opening speech.
"O!" - the crowd applauses.
"O!" - another round of applause and cheer comes from the audience.
"O!" - the entire audience body stands up and begins clapping.
A secretary comes to Brezhnev and says, "Dear Leonid Ilyich, these are Olympic logo rings; you don't need to read all of them!"
DPRK sends astronaut to the sun
Kim Jong Un is sitting in his office. He proudly tells his advisors:
North Korea will be the first country to send people to the sun!
His advisors break out in applause. Meanwhile Donald Trump is watching this live on TV. He calls Kim Jong Un and asks him:
How are you going to send people to the sun? It's too hot!
Kim Jong Un replies by saying to his advisors:
What an idiot! We can send them at night!
His advisors break out in applause. On hearing this Donald Trump says to his advisors:
What an idiot!…
There is no sun at night!
I heard Trump's staff holds up a big applause sign during his speeches...
He wants everyone to give him a big hand.
If someone receives social justice, but doesn't post about it on social media...
...does the applause make a sound?
What do you call it when someone gets gonorrhea multiple times
*Applause*
I just made this up, i know it's terrible but at least its not a repost (I think).
I've had the clap at least 12 times
At this point it should really be called the applause
A tough guy walks into a bar with an alligator on a leash.
When he has everyone's attention, he grabs the alligator by the mouth, opens it, and let's it chomp down on his c**.... He counts to ten, then hits the gator on the head with a beer bottle and it lets go. When the applause dies down, he offers $1,000 to anyone that can do that . The bar is dead quiet, and finally a little old lady raises her hand. I'll try it...but just don't hit me that hard on the head with the beer bottle .
What did the clouds do after seeing the light show?
They gave a thunderous applause.
A group of people, all of whom have the "clap", are sitting in a circle.
It was a round of applause.
Walking on stage to a round of applause is a lot like foreplay.
Both involve a warm hand on my entrance.
What do you call it when a bunch of elephants clap?
A huge round of Applause!
What do you call an o**... where everyone has gonorrhea?
A round of applause.
At a gender reveal party, a box is lifted to reveal a glass of water.
The crowd goes wild and break
into a thunderous applause.
The gender is fluid.
What do you call an o**... with people that have Gonorrhea?
A round of applause.
(Get Ready to be Blown Away) What Do You Call A Hospital Full Of Sick Doctors?
**A Staff Infection** *massive applause*
What do you call congratulatory s**...?
A pound of applause
Prime Minister Shinzo Abe gives an opening speech at the Tokyo Olympics.
He walks up to the microphone. "O!" he says, which is followed by applause.
"O!" he says again, as an ovation.
"O!" he says again, and the audience stands up and cheers. Suddenly, an aide runs up to the podium.
"Prime Minister Abe," the aide whispers, "those are the Olympic logo rings, you don't need to read all of them!"
3 Redditors walk into a bar...
The first one orders a beer. Five minutes later the second one orders a beer and the whole bar starts cheering, another five minutes later the third one orders a beer and the whole city erupts in applause.
A Reddit user, a Reddit user, and a Reddit user walk into a bar.
The first one orders a coke. Five minutes later the second one orders a coke and the whole bar starts cheering, another five minutes later the third one orders a coke and the whole city erupts in thunderous applause.
Kim Jong Un proudly tells his advisors: North Korea will be the first country to send people to the sun!
His advisors break out in applause. Meanwhile Donald Trump is watching this live on TV. He calls Kim Jong Un and asks him:
How are you going to send people to the sun? It's too hot!
Kim Jong Un replies by saying to his advisors:
What an idiot! We can send them at night!
His advisors break out in applause. On hearing this Donald Trump says to his advisors:
What an idiot!…
There is no sun at night!
I dated a s**... girl once who gave me the clap so many times...
I started referring to it as the applause.
If two people with clap have s**...,
Is it considered a round of applause?
What do you call applause after a b**...?
f**... recognition
Me: Why did the elephant paint his toenails red?
Them: Why?
Me: To hide in the strawberry patch
Them: ……..
Me: have you ever seen an elephant in a strawberry patch?
Them: no?
Me: then I guess it works
Cue applause.
(homemade) what did the frog do to the paper?
Veteran dad here, no applause required.
Why did the candle get a round of applause?
It was scent-sational
The greatest magic trick
A world famous Hispanic magician walked on stage to thunderous applause from a large crowd. He announced to the audience that he would disappear before their very eyes before the count of three. He begins the count Uno, Dos.. POOF! He disappeared without a Tres.
