appetite Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious appetite puns

A doctor goes to confession...

"Forgive me father for I have sinned."

The priest replies, "Tell me your sins my child."

The doctor says, "I slept with five of my patients. I know it was wrong, not mention unethical. Since it happened, I've barely been able to sleep and I have no appetite. I feel so guilty."

The priest consoles him saying, "You must learn to forgive yourself."

The man replies, "But how can I? How can I return from this sin?"

The priest says, "You're not the first doctor to sleep with a patient and you won't be last."

The man nods in consent while the priest absolves him. As they exit the confessional, the priest looks at the doctor and says, "I hate to ask, but seeing as you're a doctor, do you think that you could take a look at my throat, it's been sore for days."

The man replies, "I'd love to father, but I'm not that type of doctor. I'm a veterinarian."


Three mice walk into a bar...

After a few drinks, they get into a heated argument about how tough they are.

The first mouse says, When I see a mousetrap, I lay on my back and set it off with my foot. Then, I catch the bar with my teeth and bench press it twenty times to work up an appetite. Only then do I make off with the cheese!

The second mouse says, Oh yeah? Well, whenever I see rat poison, I take it all and grind it into powder. Then when morning comes, I use it to flavor my coffee! It helps me get a nice buzz going for the rest of the day!

The third mouse, checking his watch, sighs, stands up and says I've gotta go. I have a date with a cat.


A woman asks her husband at breakfast..

"Would you like some bacon and eggs, a slice of toast, and maybe some grapefruit juice and coffee?"

He declines. "Thanks for asking, but I'm not hungry right now. It's this Viagra," he says. "It's really taken the edge off my appetite.

At lunchtime, she asks him if he'd like something. "How about a bowl of soup, homemade muffins, or a cheese sandwich?"

He declines. "The Viagra," he says, "really trashes my desire for food.

Come dinner time, she asks if he wants anything to eat. "Would you like a juicy rib eye steak and some scrumptious apple pie? Or maybe a rotisserie chicken or tasty stir fry?"

He declines again. "No," he says, "it's got to be the Viagra. I'm still not hungry."

"Well," she says: "Would you mind getting off me? I'm bloody starving".


Sexual Appetite

The banker saw his old friend Harry, an eighty-year-old rancher, in town one day. Harry had lost his wife a year or so before and rumor had it that he was marrying again.

Being a good friend, the banker asked Harry if the rumor was true. Harry assured him that it was.

The banker then asked Harry the age of his new bride to be.

Harry proudly said, "She'll be twenty-one in this December."

Now the banker, being the wise man that he was, could see that the sexual appetite of a young woman could not be satisfied by an eighty-year-old man.

Wanting his old friend's later years to be happy ones, the banker tactfully suggested that Harry should consider getting a hired hand to help him out on the ranch, knowing nature would take its own course.

Harry thought this was a good idea and said he would look for one that afternoon.

About four months later, the banker ran into Harry in town again.

"How's the new wife?" asked the banker.

Harry proudly said, "Oh, she's pregnant."

The banker, happy that his sage advise had worked out, continued, "And how's the hired hand?"

Without hesitating, Harry said, "She's pregnant too!"


105 Year Old Mae

Her granddaughter asked her how she lived so long, Mae replied "For better digestion, I drink beer. In the case of appetite loss, I drink white wine. In the case of low blood pressure, I drink red wine. In the case of high blood pressure, I drink Scotch. And when I have a cold, I drink Schnapps."

"When do you drink water?" the granddaughter asked

"I've never been that sick."


What did the skeleton say before they ate their meal?

Bone appetite.

(7 year old told me this today).


Viagra and Appetitie

A woman asks her husband if he'd like some breakfast, Bacon and eggs, perhaps a slice of toast? Maybe a nice sectioned grapefruit, and a cup of fresh coffee?

He declines saying, It's this Viagra, he says, it's really taken the edge off my appetite.

At lunch time, she asks if he would like something, A bowl of home made soup, maybe, with a cheese sandwich? Or how about a plate of snacks and a glass of milk? Again he declines. No, thanks. It's this Viagra, he says, It's really taken the edge off my appetite.

At dinner time, she asks if he wants anything to eat, offering to go to the cafe and buy him a burger supper. Or would you rather I make you a pizza from scratch? Or, how about a tasty stir fry? That'll only take a couple of minutes…?

Once more, he declined saying, Again, thanks, but it's this Viagra. It's really taken the edge off my appetite.

Well, then, she says, Would you mind getting off me? I'm fucking STARVING!"


Insatiable sexual appetite.

A man with an insatiable appetite for prostitutes is walking down the street with $10 left to his name. He passes a place with blacked out windows offering three X's of entertainment. Thinking "what the hell" he walks in and asks what he can get for a five. The clerk points him to a room and tells him to "do whatever the sign says". The man walks into the room and is surprised to see a chicken on a table. As you could guess the sign above the chicken says "fuck the chicken". A little put off he still decides he's pretty horny and starts going to town on the chicken. Slowly realizing its doing nothing for him he zips up and leaves.

The next day the man decides to give it another shot and return to the store. He tells the clerk yesterday didn't do anything for him and asks what else he could get for a five. The clerk points him to a set of peepholes and tells him to look through. Seeing two other men looking through other sets he sits down in between them. The man looks through the peephole to see men butt fucking. He recoils yelling "why the fuck would I want to see that"... To which the gentleman beside him responds "shoulda been here yesterday, there was a guy fucking a chicken".


I started two diet plans today

Because one wasn't enough to fill my appetite.


Q.What do Skeletons say before eating? A: Bone Appetite.

Q.What do Skeletons say before eating?

A: Bone Appetite.


Which country has the biggest appetite?



The King of Slaveria fancied himself quite the Casanova

He was renowned throughout the lands for his voracious sexual appetite, and never travelled anywhere without at least a half a dozen concubines in his royal entourage. It so happened that on a voyage to survey his lands across the sea that his royal ship ran into a hurricane and sank. All were lost save the King and his Royal Jester who managed to make it to a small desert island. Well, it wasn't long before the King was at his wit's end.....


Q: What sex increases a woman's appetite for food by 90 %?

A: Honeymoon sex


I keep my weight down by getting McDonalds.

One bite, and my appetite is gone


Why did the smart phone eat a lot?

It had a big APPetite


What's Pink, has a big appetite, and squeaks

Kirby. You were expecting a pig, but I didn't mention a snout , ears, or a curly pink tail.


What are the most funny Appetite jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Appetite? Well, here are the best Appetite dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Appetite pick up lines to share with friends.


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