Appearance Jokes

54 appearance jokes and hilarious appearance puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about appearance that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Are you curious about jokes related to appearance and how a person may appear in court? This article explores the comedic aspects of the words "appearance", “spectacle”, “demeanor”, and “complexion” and what they imply in a court setting. Read on to learn more about the humor behind court appearances.

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Funniest Appearance Short Jokes

Short appearance jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The appearance humour may include short appeared jokes also.

  1. I'm starting to hate the U.S. government The NSA appears to be the only department which listens
  2. I just received a chain letter and if I don't re-send it a dead woman will appear in my closet.... Guess who's getting laid tonight.
  3. A tip for Snowden. Apparently he is traveling all of the world but if you never want to appear in front of an American judge there is only one place to go...
    Guantanomo bay
  4. What does Yoda say when he is drunk? Dear me it appears I have imbibed alcohol in sufficient quantitiy to impair my speech
  5. A strange man appeared at the door and offered me 100k, but 200k would be given to the person I hate most. Terrific I said, I would love 300k.
  6. I thought my snail's shell was weighing him down, but after I removed it he appeared even more sluggish.
  7. I got arrested at the airport last week. Appearently security doesn't like it when you call shotgun before boarding the plane.
  8. You can tell the speed of light is much faster than the speed of sound. Some people appear bright until you hear them talk.
  9. Why's the leader of Russia always late? Is trick question. If Comerad Stalin appears late, it is only because we were early. All glory to mother Russia.
  10. The angel of death appears before a lawyer and says "Your time has come". The lawyer starts crying and wailing "But I'm only forty" Angel of death says "Not according to your billable hours"

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Appearance One Liners

Which appearance one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with appearance? I can suggest the ones about presentation and presence.

  1. I was the knight no one expected to appear on battlefield, Sir Prise.
  2. Light travels faster than sound! That's why some people appear bright until they talk.
  3. A hole appeared in the wall around the local nudist colony. Police are looking into it.
  4. A woman will appear on the $10 bill!! It will be the first $10 bill to be worth $7.50
  5. A large hole appeared outside the local police station. They're looking into it.
  6. I noticed something about the letter "B" Sometimes it makes subtle appearances
  7. Why is the Invisible Man the worst lawyer? He can never appear in court.
  8. since light moves faster then sound.. People may appear bright until you hear them speak.
  9. I told my wife that I think our lawn is in trouble. It appears to always be grounded.
  10. Where does baseball appear in the Bible? Genesis
    In the Big Inning.
  11. I was wondering, why does a frisbee appear larger the closer it gets… then it hit me.
  12. did you hear about the wine they made from a tire? appearantly it was a goodyear
  13. How can a letter appear 3 times in a 5-letter word? Must be an error.
  14. Which planet appears largest in a telescope? Earth
  15. I took a sip of what appears to be some sort of poisonous ink... I dyed a little inside..

Court Appearance Jokes

Here is a list of funny court appearance jokes and even better court appearance puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • The DJ played the Cha Cha Slide, so I did the Cha Cha Slide, The DJ played Macarena, so I did the Macarena,
    The DJ played Come On Eileen, and now I have an upcoming court appearance.
  • Crikey, more sad news from the world of technology: Anti-virus developer John McAfee is appearing in court for manslaughter... They estimate the trial could last for 30 days.
  • Former police officers are offering their services to appear in court for you. It's a form of copper recycling.
  • I had the court appearance for my encounter with the grammar police today... The judge gave me a run on sentence!
Appearance joke, I had the court appearance for my encounter with the grammar police today...

Amusing Appearance Jokes to Make You Laugh with Friends

What funny jokes about appearance you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean aspect jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make appearance pranks.

An angel appears in a puff of smoke to a man and says to him, "Because you have lived a good and virtuous life, I can offer you a gift: you can be the most handsome man in the world, or you can have infinite wisdom, or you can have limitless wealth." Reflecting, the man says, "I'll take the wisdom"

"Wisdom is yours," says the angel, disappearing in another puff.
The smoke is barely clear before the man thinks, "I should have taken the money."

Kim Jong Un decided to send donald trump a letter in his own handwriting to let him know he was still alive.

Trump opened the letter which appeared to contain a single-line coded message:
370HSSV - 0773H
Trump was baffled, so he emailed it to the his aides, who had no clue either, so they sent it to the FBI
No one could solve it at FBI, so it went to the CIA. With no clue as to its meaning, FBI finally asked MSS (Ministry of State Security in China for help.
Within a few seconds MSS cabled back with this reply:
"Tell The President he's holding the message upside down."

Isn't it weird when sometimes you're thinking about someone and then they suddenly appear?

Anyway, my dad just caught me m**...

An irish man frees a genie

and happy to be released from his confinement, the genie grants him 3 wishes.
The Irishman thinks about it, and says "I want me a pint of Guinness that is never empty."
So *p**...* a pint appears, filled to the rim with the rich brown drink. The man drinks it down, and when he places it back on the bar, it's filled up again.
"So, what would you like for your other two wishes, sir?"
"I want two more of these, then!"

A woman was caught with drugs in her hand by a cop while in the bathroom of a nightclub

The woman swears that the drugs are not hers and promises that, "They aren't mine - I found them here and I tried to flush them down the toilet. However, every single time I flush the drugs down the drain they just keep re-appearing magically in my hands or my pockets!"
The cop, obviously in disbelief, tells the woman, "Show me."
So the woman tosses the bag of drugs into the toilet, then flushes it. The bag swishes down. The cop then stares at the woman's empty hand as the bag is flushed down.
"Well," says the cop, "where are the drugs now?"
"What drugs?"

Three dinosaurs are running across the desert when they stumble across a magic lamp.

They rub it, and a genie appears.
"I have three wishes, so I'll give one to each of you," the genie announces.
The first dinosaur thinks hard.
"Alright," he says, "I'll have a big, juicy, piece of meat."
Instantly, the biggest, juiciest piece of meat he'd ever seen appears in front of him.
Not to be outdone, the second dinosaur thinks even harder.
"I know! I'll have a shower of meat!"
Immediately, huge pieces of meat rain down around him.
The third dinosaur, certainly not to be outdone, thinks harder than the previous dinosaurs.
"I've got it!" he cries, "I want a MEATIER shower!"

At a university there was a dean who cared about others and showed exemplary behavior. One day an angel appeared at a faculty conference.

The angel said as a reward for his good deeds that God would give him his choice of eternal riches, eternal wisdom, or eternal beauty.
The dean chose eternal wisdom without hesitation.
"Good," said the angel, disappearing into a cloud of smoke.
Everyone present turned their gazes to the dean, who was illuminated by a faint halo.
A colleague whispered, "Tell me something."
The dean, who had gained eternal wisdom, sighed and said, "I should have chosen eternal riches."

A man has lost his wife in a supermarket...

And while looking for her, he sees a stunning brunette. The man approached the very beautiful woman in the large supermarket and asked,
You know, I've lost my wife here in the supermarket. Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?
Because every time I talk to a beautiful woman my wife appears out of nowhere.

One alien says to another, The dominant life forms on the planet earth appear to have developed satellite-based nuclear weapons.

The second alien replies, Are they an emerging intelligence?
The first alien says, I don't think so, they have them aimed at themselves.

An attorney was working late one night in his office when, suddenly, Satan appeared before him.

The Devil made him an offer. I will make it so you win every case that you try for the rest of your life. Your clients will worship you, your colleagues will be in awe, and you will make enormous amounts of money. But, in return, you must give me your soul, your wife's soul, the souls of your children, your parents, grandparents, and those of all the your friends. The lawyer thought about it for a moment, then asked, But what's the catch?

Looking for his wife...

The man approached the very beautiful woman in the large supermarket and asked,
You know, I've lost my wife here in the supermarket.
Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?
Because every time I talk to a beautiful woman my wife appears out of nowhere.

An angel appears and says, "I'll grant you whichever of three blessings you choose. Wisdom, beauty, or ten million dollars."

Immediately, the man chooses wisdom. There is a flash of lightning, he is transformed, but then he just sits there, staring down at the table.
One of his colleagues whispers, "You have great wisdom. Say something!"
The man says, "I should have taken the money."

Pedro was driving down a street when...

Pedro was driving down the Panjim street in a swift because he had an important meeting and couldn't find a parking place.
Looking up to heaven he said, "Lord take pity on me. If you find me a parking place I will go to Mass every Sunday for the rest of my life and give up my whiskey. I will give up gambling and womanising too!!"
Miraculously, a parking place appeared.
Pedro looked up again and said," Never mind, I found one ! Sorry I bothered you !!"

A man approached a very beautiful woman

A man approached a very beautiful woman in a large supermarket and said, "I've lost my wife here in the supermarket. Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?" "Why do you want to talk to me?" she asked puzzled. "Because every time I talk to a beautiful woman, my wife appears out of nowhere."

Two men are playing golf. One of them is about to take a swing when a f**... procession appears on the road next to the course. He stops mid-swing, takes off his cap, closes his eyes, and bows his head in respect.

His golfing buddy says "That must be the most touching thing I've ever seen. You are a very compassionate and kind man."
The man, recovering himself, replies, "Yeah, well we were married 25 years."

A man was dumping toxic waste into a river.

Suddenly, the sky darkened, lightning flashed, and a glowing woman appeared, hovering above the river.
**"For your crimes, I curse you to only speak in words related to water!",** she intoned, and then vanished in another flash of lightning.
The man stood, shocked, before gathering his wits and muttering, "Well dam".

One day Stalin decides to go to the cinema in disguise and hear what people are really saying about him.

When the newsreel comes on the audience stands up and applauds each time he appears on the screen. Stalin is pleased. Modestly, he himself remains seated. After a few moments the man next to him leans over and whispers
Most people feel the same way you do Comrade, but you'll be safer if you stand up.

A priest was hiking in the woods when suddenly a mountain lion appeared…..

…. readyto devour the man whole.
The priest quickly falls to his knees, looks up to the heavens and prays, "Dear God, please teach this lion mercy and give him religion." A chorus of angels is heard as a beam of light shines down on the mountain lion.
The lion then drops to his knees, looks up to heavens and prays, "Dear God, bless you for this food I'm about to receive."

A man was out on a fishing trip

When suddenly, he dropped one of his oars into the water, frustrated that he couldn't get the boat moving, he decided to seek help.
He saw someone with two beautiful women on his boat who also had a spare oar. "Excuse me, may I borrow one of your oars?" he yelled.
The man appeared offended, "thems ain't 'ores, thems me sisters!"

So a doctor has s**... with one of his patients...

And is feeling pretty down about it. On his left shoulder appears a devil. The devil consoles him saying "Hey man, don't even worry about it. Doctors have s**... with their patients all the time. You are definitely not the only one." Then on his right shoulder appears an angel who says "Come on man! You're a vet!!"

A man walked up to the most beautiful woman in the supermarket and asked, "You know, I have lost my wife here in the supermarket?" "Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?"

The woman is intrigued and asks him, "Why?"
The man replies, "Because every time I start talking to a beautiful woman, my wife appears out of nowhere".

The Wisdom of an Older Man

An older man approached an attractive younger woman at a shopping mall.
''Excuse me; I can't seem to find my wife. Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?''
The woman, feeling a bit of compassion for the old fellow, said, ''Of course, sir. Do you know where your wife might be?''
''I have no idea, but every time I talk to a pretty woman, she seems to appear out of nowhere.''

An atheist is walking along the bank of Loch Ness, suddenly, out of the depths appears Nessie.

She snatched the atheist up in her jaws and threw her head back, throwing thim up in the air. Just before the atheist fell into Nessie's jaws he cries out
"Oh god help me!"
Amazingly, time froze and God appeared next to the atheist. God asked:
"My son, all your life you have forsaken me, why now do you call upon me?"
The atheist responded with: "Give me a break, I didn't believe in the Loch Ness monster five minutes ago either!"

I greeted the mailman at the door n**...

He freaked out. Not so much because of my appearance, more because I knew where he lived.

A taxi driver and a priest go to heaven.

Both appear at roughly the same time at the pearly gates. The priest is given some wine and cheese. The taxi driver is given a yacht, a boat, a mansion and a box of diamonds.
The priest looks at St. Peter and says: "I was a priest for many years but all I get is a little house and some food. This guy gets all this stuff and he drove a taxi."
St. Peter says "Yes, but we go by results. When you gave sermons people slept, when he drove people prayed."

*rubs a lamp*

*rubs a lamp*
Genie appears and asks for a wish
"I don't wanna die v**..."
*Genie grants immortality

The other night I overheard three very hefty women talking

Their accent appeared to be Scottish, so I approached them and asked: "Hello, are you three lassies from Scotland?"
One of them angrily screeched: "It's Wales, Wales you b**... idiot!"
So I apologized and replied: "I am so sorry. Are you three whales from Scotland?"
And that's the last thing I remember.

Stalin appears to Putin in a dream

He says to Putin: "I have two bits of advice for you: kill off all your opponents and paint the Kremlin blue."
Putin asks, "Why blue?"
Stalin replies, "I knew you would not object to the first one."

A little dwarf is sitting in a bar. He stares at his beer with a sad look in his eyes.

A strong guy appears, punches the dwarfs shoulder and drinks his beer. The dwarf starts crying.
The guy: "Come on, you wimp. A real man does not cry because of a beer."
The dwarf: "Listen. My wife left me today and my bank account was robbed. After that I lost my job. I didn't want to live anymore, so I laid down on the railroad track. The train did not come. Wanted to hang myself - the rope teared. Wanted to shot myself - I ran out of ammo.
From my remaining money I brought a beer, tipped some poison into it, and now you drank it."

Appearance joke, A little dwarf is sitting in a bar. He stares at his beer with a sad look in his eyes.

jokes about appearance