Appearance Jokes

Following is our collection of complexion humor and shape one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. They include Appearance puns for adults, dirty presence jokes or clean hurriedly gags for kids.

There is an abundance of persona jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 36 funniest jokes on appearance. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any debut witze you can hear about appearance.

The Best jokes about Appearance

I greeted the mailman at the door naked

He freaked out. Not so much because of my appearance, more because I knew where he lived.

A mathematician wasn't too confident about his appearance...

So he asked his friend to compare his good looks in terms he could understand.
After little thought his friend says: "You're about as good looking as you are bad looking."
"Well that's just mean."

Why do most women pay more attention to their appearance than improving their minds?

Because most men are stupid but few are blind.

A bear is chasing a mouse through the woods..

When suddenly a genie appears. The mouse and bear stop dead in their tracks, perplexed at the genie's appearance. The genie offers to give both the bear and mouse three wishes. The bear, not hesitating, goes first; "I wish all the bears in these woods were female." The genie laughs and moves onto the mouse. "I wish for a motorcycle." The genie nods and moves back to the bear. "I wish all the bears in the world were female." The genie laughs again. The mouse asks for a motorcycle helmet. The genie gives it to the mouse and looks at the bear one last time. "I wish all the female bears wanted me." The genie goes, "My man!" and looks to the mouse for his final wish. The mouse gets on his motorcycle, starts it up, puts his helmet on and says, "I wish the bear was gay." and the mouse zooms off.

I've started wearing a stethoscope around my neck...

So, if there's a medical emergency I get to teach people a valuable lesson about making assumptions based on someone's appearance.


A plane crashes

There were 152 people on a plane. It gets hijacked and crashed, and everyone on it dies. God says they all get one wish because of how tragically they died. The first man wishes for himself not to be ugly, the second person wishes she was skinnier. They all wish for something that improves their appearance. Halfway through the line God notices a man in the back laughing hysterically. The closer he gets to the back the harder the man laughs. When he gets to the last man he asks whats so funny.

"I wish they were all ugly again!"

A woman is arrested for killing her guitar player husband

She is accused of bashing her husband's head in with his guitars because he never paid any attention to her.

In her first court appearance, the judge looks at the woman and asks: First offender?"

The woman replies: No. First it was a Gretsch, followed by a Gibson, and then a Fender."

I was at this bar once..

and the bartenders were identical twins. The only way to tell them apart was that one of the brothers had a freakishly small head. After talking for a while I finally asked him what was up with is appearance. He looks around, lowers his voice and says "once I was walking down a beach and found a lamp in the sand, I rubbed it and I'll be damned if a smoking hot genie didn't shoot up out of the lamp. The genie offers me one wish, the only thing off-limits is that she would not sleep with me, so I asked for a little head"

Kim Jong-Un has reportedly made a public appearance after opening a fertiliser factory.

I smell bullshit.

A Photographer Hears About a Ghost Appearance...

It was said to be appearing that night, in an abandoned house. This was said to only happen every one hundred years. So, the photographer packs his equipment and goes to the house. Around midnight, the ghost appears. It turns out to be quite friendly, and consents to have its picture taken. The photographer, delighted, takes the picture and rushes to get it developed, only to find out that it was underexposed, and nothing could be seen.
MORAL: The spirit is willing, but the flash is weak

One of the big themes in Sartre's philosophy is the idea of genuine choice versus just the appearance of having a choice.

So he can't meaningfully choose to have his coffee with no cream, because he could never have had it with cream to begin with, but he can meaningfully choose to have it with no milk.


People have silly hang ups about their personal appearance.

I worry that one of my balls is bigger than the other two.

Mark Zuckerberg refuses formal appearance before Parliament

Couldn't find a tux with a hoodie

The reason I check my hair and my general appearance so often, is because of this one bad day. I can't even say I remember it, but I am told my hair was a mess, I was covered with unspeakable fluids, had trouble breathing, couldn't even stand, and I cried in front of everyone.

I'm still trying to live down the day I was born.

*HAPPY FATHER'S DAY...*

A new teacher Joins school... She finds two boys looking very similar in appearance...

Teacher asks:- " Twins...???"

Boy:- No... *"NEIGHBOURS"*

Old lady thief....

An 80 year old women was caught shoplifting a can of peaches.

During her court appearance the judge asked the lady "So tell me why did you steal the peaches?" to which the old lady replied, "Your honor I was very hungry because my husband and I have no money to eat".

The judge then asked the old lady "How many peaches were in the tin?"

"Six" she replied.

"Ok i'm going to give you one day in prison for each peach."

All of a sudden, the wife's husband stood up and objected the judge's ruling.

"Your honor I have to admit, last week she stole a can of peas".

What show did John Cena and his pregnant wife make an appearance on?

I Didn't Know I was Pregnant

Funny Courtroom Transcript

Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.

I had the court appearance for my encounter with the grammar police today...

The judge gave me a run on sentence!


Quick, Short, Funny Court Appearance

Jerry Bartle was arrested and put on trial for robbing a local shop at gunpoint. In his wisdom he decided that he would represent himself in court. He appeared to be doing reasonably well until the shop's owner took the stand to give his evidence.

She had identified him immediately as the robber, when Bartle jumped up and yelled, 'You're lying! I should have blown your head off!' He paused, then added, 'If I had been the one that was there.'

The jury found him guilty and Jerry Bartle was sentenced to thirty years imprisonment.

I hear the new Star was movie will include a Hispanic Jedi Knight.

I can't wait to see Obi Juan Kenobi make his first on-screen appearance.

Young Forever

Nutritionists say people who eat less tend to be younger in appearance. It is true. One of my friends hadn't eaten for 10 days, he's forever 25 years old now.

If a penis/vagina was asked to judge your appearance it would probably say....

Urinate

I'm all for women who get plastic surgery. Because plastic surgery allows you to make your outer appearance resemble your inner appearance.

Fake.

Credit - Daniel Tosh

Buttox surgery

A woman goes into work and receives a bunch of compliments regarding her appearance. Another woman asks what her secret was and the first woman said she had buttox surgery. Confused the second woman asks "Do you mean botox?" The first said "No, buttox. I sat down really fast and hard then all the fat in my ass went to my face."

VA Governor Northam has not made a public appearance since Saturday

This is partly thanks to a tunnel system that connects his residence to his office. It is predicted that when he does resurface & sees his shadow, we are guaranteed 6 more weeks of scandals.

In the last interview, Mick Jagger revealed the secret of his young appearance.

He said, 'Just stand by Keith.'

What do you call a musical gnome that cares a lot about its appearance?

A metrognome

How does an overweight girl feel better about her own appearance?

Googles "Pictures of Ellen Pao"

I guess ISIS didn't need to make an appearance in Times Square....

Especially since Mariah Carey already bombed

I think it is important to be self-aware of one's appearance...

For example, my mother says that I'm very thin.

I say that I'm just regular skinny.

And my father says that I'm a complete loser.

Almost all scientists agree that people get their pants from monkeys and what's even worse

is that they also say that our jeans are responsible for the vast majority of our physical appearance!

A leper walks into a restaurant

He sits down to have dinner. His oozing sores and appearance make him nervous. He later notices a woman look at him and throw up. He walks over to apologize for his appearance ruining her dinner. She says "oh, it's not you. It's the guy behind you dipping his shrimp in your neck."

How many countries' flags make an appearance at every auto race in the world?

Two. Libya's to start the race, and France's to signal there's one lap to go.

A rockslide wiped out a concert not long ago.

The Rolling Stones made quite an appearance.

New announcement about Stan Lee's funeral

It will feature a cameo appearance by Stan Lee.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

Joko Jokes