apparently Jokes

funny jokes and hilarious apparently stories

What are the best apparently puns and pranks?

Did you ever wanted to prank someone about Apparently? Well here is a complete list of the top apparently jokes:

The only two white actors in Black Panther are Martin Freeman, who played Bilbo Baggins, and Andy Serkis who played Gollum.

They're the Tolkien white guys.

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Thanos' finger snap would have a greater impact if they found a way to make it seem like half the audience disappeared.

Apparently only DC movies can do that.

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Did you hear Mary Poppins stopped wearing lipstick whilst giving head?

Apparently the super colour fragile lipstick makes the dicks atrocious.

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I called two girls hipsters and got slapped.

Apparently the correct term is "conjoined twins".

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I wasn't allowed in a fraternity in college because I was circumcised.

Apparently you need to be a complete dick.

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I got fired from my job because I kept asking my customers whether they would prefer Smoking or Non-smoking .

Apparently the correct terms are Cremation and Burial .

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Do you know how to avoid clickbait?

Apparently not.


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I got fired from the sperm bank yesterday

Apparently you're not allowed to nudge the nearest co-worker and say, "get a load of this guy" every time someone walks in.

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I got thrown out of math class today.

The teacher asked me "If I gave you $20 and you gave $5 to Katie, $5 to Claire and $5 to Laura, what would you have?"

Apparently, 3 blowjobs and enough left for a kebab wasn't the answer...


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My wife told me, If anything happens to me, I want you to meet someone new.

Apparently, anything doesn't include getting stuck in traffic.

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Apparently you can't use beefstew as a password.

It's not stroganoff.

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Do you ever just wake up and kiss the person sleeping beside you and feel glad that you are alive?

I just did and apparently I'm not allowed on this airline anymore...

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Apparently as a 4-year old, Hitler was saved from drowning in the river Passau by a local priest.

Goes to show once more that a lot of problems would be solved if priests could just keep their hands off kids.

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My girlfriend asked me if I could have a threesome, which of her friends I would choose.

Apparently, I was only supposed to name one, not two.

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I've got a meeting with the guy that invented the progress bar during the era of dialup internet. He's going to be here in 2 hours and 13 minutes.

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A friend of mine has been rushed to hospital, after eating a horse-burger.

Apparently he is now in a stable condition.

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I got fired today, because my boss caught me masturbating with a vegetable

Apparently nursing homes have strict rules about what you can do with patients.

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So to celebrate the Halloween season...

... I was going to go to a 200 year old building that was apparently set up with shriveled up old corpses, dangerous bandits, bloodsucking vampires, hellbent soulless demons, and the like. But it turns out the Capitol Building is closed for tours until a budget resolution is reached.

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So Katie Holmes is divorcing Tom Cruise...

Apparently she found out that he'd been in A Few Good Men.

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Today in sex ed our teacher asked what's the difference between a male reproductive system and the female reproductive system.

Apparently there's a vas deferens

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A tip for Snowden.

Apparently he is traveling all of the world but if you never want to appear in front of an American judge there is only one place to go...



Guantanomo bay

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<> Apple has decided to cancel the children's iPod.

Apparently iTouch kids isn't a good product name.

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Chinese 69

As told to me by the father of the groom at a wedding last weekend; he apparently offended the parents of the bride with the same joke the night before. He was getting my opinion as to whether it was really all that offensive.

> A Chinese guy is having trouble falling asleep. Finally at 2am he shakes his wife and asks her for a 69. She replies, "Who eats beef with broccoli at this hour?"

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Did you hear about the gangsta proctologist?

Apparently he busted a capillary in someone's ass.

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How many of my ex-girlfriends does it take to change a lightbulb?

One. Apparently she will screw anything.

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My interviewer kept getting annoyed at me...

...when I kept responding to each question with the same question - only in a really sarcastic way.

Apparently, I don't know what a "mock interview" means.

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I took my Biology exam last Friday

I was asked to name two things commonly found in cells. Apparently "Blacks" and "Mexicans" were NOT the correct answers.

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So did you hear about the Angry composer?

Apparently, he had a few scores to settle.

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Apparently Iron Man also did a tuxedo range...

But it wasn't his strong suit

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I was watching the Dyslexic news channel earlier.


Apparently North Korea are making unclear threats to the US.

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Apparently Muslims invented the condom.

As it turns out, Muslims in the middle east one day came up with the brilliant idea to use goat intestines as a suitable condom. It wasn't, however, until in 1827 when the British perfected the idea by taking the intestines *out* of the goat first.

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That half man, half horse...

Did you hear about the half man, half horse causing a ruckus downtown last night? He was kicking over trash cans, yelling at people, just going crazy. The cops finally showed up, calmed him down, and asked "Why are you doing this?" Apparently he wanted to be the centaur of attention.

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I thought getting a vasectomy would prevent my wife from getting pregnant

I thought getting a vasectomy would prevent my wife from getting pregnant.

Apparently, all it does is change the color of the baby.

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Fire safety

I was at the Senior Center today and failed a Health and Safety course that was put on for us old folks...

One of the questions was: "In the event of a fire, what steps
would you take?"

"Fuckin' big ones" was apparently the wrong answer.

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My girlfriend just caught me blow drying my penis...

...and asked what I was doing. Apparently "heating your dinner" was not the correct answer.

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Me and a friend..

Walk into a pet store and the employee asks "Anything that I can help you find?" and then proceeded to kick us out. apparently dinner wasn't the right answer.

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The Pope is sick.

Apparently the Pope resigned because he was sick with bird flu. He got it from a Cardinal.

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Today I called the rape help line...

But apparently it's just meant for the victims.

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Apparently for every $1 a man makes, a woman makes 70 cents.

That's not fair. Why is the man only left with 30?

Credit to Bo Burnham.

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At a contest, I was asked to name one thing that is found in cells

Apparently 'Mexicans' was not the right answer

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So I told a premature baby joke at an open mic night but I don't think the crowd liked it.

Apparently it was too soon

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My mate Paddy called me last night.



He said, "My dog had nine puppies 12 weeks ago and now apparently they are worth £600 each."

"Fucking hell, mate." I said, "Drinks are on you then!"

He said, "I'm not selling them."

"Why not?" I asked.

"Well," he said, "If they're worth £600 each now, can you imagine what they'll be worth in 10 years?"

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Did you hear about the butcher who backed up into a meat grinder?

Apparently he got a little behind in his orders.

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I was asked if I preferred legs or breasts...

I said a shaved vagina is better, But apparently that wasn't really appropriate in KFC.

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My Friend Told Me His Girlfriend Talks a lot in Her Sleep..

..Apparently "I Know" wasn't the right answer.

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I was thinking of buying the black iPad mini..

Apparently, it runs faster.

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At the drop of a hat

I recently had sex with my woman for the first time, and apparently she was impressed. She said, "You last so much longer than the last guy I was with! He would come at the drop of a hat!" I just smiled and said thanks but all I could think was "That's a really weird fetish."

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Apparently Oscar Pistorius wanted a new bathroom door...

But his girlfriend was dead against it.

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Apparently the most common surname In China is Chang.

...correct me if you think that's Wong.

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My friend had asked me for tips that may help his erectile dysfunction

Apparently, a hotter wife wasn't a good answer.

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CONCLUSION

You've red some of the best apparently jokes of all time. We hope you had fun with this collection of 50 puns about apparently. Most of the stories are suitable for kids with good sense of humor, children or teens boys and girls, of course dads. You must supervise your chidlren not to read pranks for adults. Note that some jokes are disgusting, filled with black humor so don't tell dirty apparently gags to your kids. So please respect and be a good joking daddy !

How do I make my girlfriend or boyfriend laugh? How do you make someone laugh? Well, this list of funny stories will make you cry in laughter just like dad jokes. Some of these apparently jokes are funny and some are hilarious. With this collection it's easy to be a joker. Have fun and dig deeper into our archive.

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