Ridiculous Apparently Jokes to Spark Fun and Laughter
Thanos' finger snap would have a greater impact if they found a way to make it seem like half the audience disappeared.
Apparently only DC movies can do that.
Did you hear Mary Poppins stopped wearing lipstick whilst giving head?
Apparently the super colour fragile lipstick makes the d**... atrocious.
I called two girls hipsters and got slapped.
Apparently the correct term is "conjoined twins".
I got fired from my job because I kept asking my customers whether they would prefer Smoking or Non-smoking .
Apparently the correct terms are Cremation and Burial .
Do you know how to avoid clickbait?
Apparently not.
-
I got fired from the s**... bank yesterday
Apparently you're not allowed to nudge the nearest co-worker and say, "get a load of this guy" every time someone walks in.
My wife told me, If anything happens to me, I want you to meet someone new.
Apparently, anything doesn't include getting stuck in traffic.
Apparently you can't use beefstew as a password.
It's not stroganoff.
Apparently as a 4-year old, h**... was saved from drowning in the river Passau by a local priest.
Goes to show once more that a lot of problems would be solved if priests could just keep their hands off kids.
My girlfriend asked me if I could have a t**..., which of her friends I would choose.
Apparently, I was only supposed to name one, not two.
Apparently Bruce Willis is only going to concentrate on action films from now on...
because you know what they say about old habits...
You can explore apparently understandably reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean apparently seemingly dad jokes. There are also apparently puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
Today I was asked how I view lesbian relationships
Apparently "in HD" wasn't the right answer
I thought my vasectomy would keep my wife from getting pregnant
But apparently it just changes the colour of the baby
Hipsters
I had the joy of meeting a couple of hipsters today, and they yelled at me for making fun of them. Apparently the politically correct term is "conjoined twins".
I thought vasectomies were supposed to keep me from getting my wife pregnant??
Apparently, it just changes the color of the baby. Go figure.
I wanted to marry my English teacher when she got out of prison...
...but apparently you can't end a sentence with a proposition.
Someone called me racist for saying "black paint"
Apparently the politically correct term is "Tyrone, please paint the fence".
So the American people's choices for President will apparently be either Donald Trump or Hillary Clinton.
That is the joke. There's no punchline here.
Apparently Monica Lewinsky won't be voting for Hillary Clinton this election
She says the last Clinton presidency left a bad taste in her mouth
My joke was removed for comparing Trump to h**...
Apparently it's against the rules to make personal attacks on someone even after they've been dead for over 70 years.
How many dead h**... does it take to change a light bulb?
Apparently not three. It's still dark in my basement.
I couldn't find the thingy that peels the potatoes and the carrots, so I asked the kids...
Apparently she left me two days ago.
Apparently saying "Black Paint" is not politically correct,
The right way to say it is "Tyrone, please paint the wall"
Did you hear the shocking news about Yahoo this morning?
Apparently they still have 500 million users.
Apparently I snore so loudly that
I scare everyone in the car I'm driving.
I got fired from my last job for arranging the vegetables into s**... position
Apparently that's "misconduct" for a special needs teacher.
Apparently there is bi-partisan agreement in Congress that medicinal m**... should be allowed for the purpose of relieving arthritic pain.
In other words, there is joint support for joint support for joint support.
Apparently someone in London gets stabbed every 90 seconds.
Poor guy.
Does anyone know how to avoid click bait?
Apparently not.
So I told my wife she'd look sexier with her hair back
Apparently that's not a nice thing to say to cancer patients.
I got banned from laser tag today.
Apparently they frown on using a knife to save ammo.
I got kicked out of the library today...
Apparently putting the feminism books in the sci-fi section was not acceptable.
After s**... with my new girlfriend last night she snuggled up next to me and said, "You are definitely the biggest I've ever had."
Apparently "ditto" wasn't the correct response.
Thanks for the updates friends, I just don't know how people get those yellowish stars and would really like to learn.
[edit] Thank you for the gold kind stranger.
Apparently, someone has been shot with a starter p**... at the athletics track.
Police think it was race related.
i went to the liquor store on my bike.
i went to the liquor store on my bike and bought a bottle v**... and put it in the basket on the front...then it occoured to me that if i fall or something happens then the bottle might break. so i drank it all right there and its a good thing i did cause i fell 7 times on the way home
apparently this was posted before...i had no idea. a friend sent me a voice recording of someone telling it and i posted it ..sorry
Do you ever wake up, kiss the person sleeping beside you, and be glad that you are alive?
I did and apparently will not be allowed on this airline again...
The 13th Amendment makes it i**... to buy people.
Apparently, it doesn't apply to congressmen.
Today in church they asked what a Bishop does
Apparently move diagonally wasn't the answer they were looking for.
After winning the game, I threw the ball into the crowd just like they do on TV.
Apparently that's unacceptable in bowling.
I've been reading 'Lord Of The Rings' and apparently, Gollum was once a normal man, but wearing the ring drained him of his youth, energy and any joy in life...
Must be the same ring I put on when I got married...
My girlfriend yelled at me because I apparently treat her like a child.
So I gave her a sticker for standing up for herself.
Today my son threw a quarter in the well at the mall and said "I wish my dad was dead." And because of his attitide we went home without buying anything.
When we got to our house we saw an ambulance and the coroner at Jim's house, apparently he had a freak heart attack about thirty minutes before hand, it was odd because he was a personal trainer and in great shape, my wife seemed real upset by his passing. Though it was strange because I've never even seen them speak to eachother.
I was talking to a feminist today when she told me about the Dwayne Johnson Rule.
I'd never heard of it before but apparently in order to determine if a particular comment is appropriate to say to a woman, you should first ask yourself, Would I be comfortable saying this to Dwayne Johnson? If not, don't say it.
I thought this sounded like a great rule, so I told her, Your chest is epic.
The coast guard fined my girlfriend and I for having s**... in the ocean.
Apparently off-shore drilling is prohibited.
I couldn't find the thingy that peels potatoes and carrots, so I asked my kids if they'd seen it...
Apparently, she left me two days ago...
After sex with my new girlfriend last night she snuggled up next to me and said, "You are definitely the biggest I've ever had."
Apparently "ditto" wasn't the correct response.
TIL Steve Irwin had a failed "Crocodile Hunter" sunscreen brand.
Apparently it didn't protect you from harmful rays
I angered two people by calling them hipsters...
Apparently the correct term is conjoined twins.
Apparently my family is racist
I had them meet my new black girlfriend and they all started screaming at us. Especially my wife.
There's a term for guys like Donald Trump.
But apparently not 2 terms.
I got fired from my job as a masseur.
There wasn't any specific incident, apparently I just rub people the wrong way.
What do you call a wolf that is woke?
Awarewolf
(credit goes to my GF, who's apparently practicing her dad humor. *sigh* please, don't wreck my karma)
How many guitarists does it take to play Wonderwall?
Apparently, all of them.
Did you hear that the US bobsled team put Donald Trump's picture on the front of the sled?
Apparently nobody else can make America go downhill faster.
Astronaut found out he won the lottery while he was in space
Apparently when he found out he was over the moon
In a safety meeting at work they asked me what steps I'd take in a fire
Apparently "Really big and fast ones" was the wrong answer.
What do you get when you try to crossbreed a human and a moose?
Arrested apparently
A man's wife doesn't come home one night.
The next morning, the wife tells her husband that she had slept over at a friends house. The husband then contacted all of his wife's friends asking about it: none of them said that she was staying the night.
A few nights later, the husband doesn't come home one night. Just like his wife, the next morning he tells her that he had slept over at a friends place. His wife then contacted all of the husbands friends to ask about: and apparently the husband was at 8 houses, 2 of which said he was still there!
Did you hear that the devil got arrested?
Apparently, they got him on possession.
Apparently, Stradivarius's are so rare people will literally kill for a chance to get one
Violins begets violence
I was a taxi driver for a while, but recently I got fired.
Apparently they didn't like it when I went the extra mile during my job.
Apparently the Republican party are considering banning coffee...
Part of their war on woke.
Apparently the company that makes Tupperware is going bust, which is a surprise.
I thought their finances would have been airtight.
My wife said she's leaving me because I keep making coffee without the filter. The judge agreed
Apparently it's grounds for a divorce
Apparently, Elton John owns a pygmy rabbit that is super hyper and runs all the time.
It's a little, fit bunny.
My teacher asked me how I view gay marriage.
Apparently, "in full HD" wasn't the correct answer
