Apparently Jokes
124 apparently jokes and hilarious apparently puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about apparently that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Apparently Short Jokes
Short apparently jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The apparently humour may include short supposedly jokes also.
- Thanos' finger snap would have a greater impact if they found a way to make it seem like half the audience disappeared. Apparently only DC movies can do that.
- I called two girls hipsters and got slapped. Apparently the correct term is "conjoined twins".
- I got fired from my job because I kept asking my customers whether they would prefer Smoking or Non-smoking . Apparently the correct terms are Cremation and Burial .
- I angered two people by calling them hipsters... Apparently the correct term is conjoined twins.
- Do you ever wake up, kiss the person sleeping beside you, and be glad that you are alive? I did and apparently will not be allowed on this airline again...
- Apparently my family is racist I had them meet my new black girlfriend and they all started screaming at us. Especially my wife.
- My wife told me, If anything happens to me, I want you to meet someone new. Apparently, anything doesn't include getting stuck in traffic.
- So I told my wife she'd look sexier with her hair back Apparently that's not a nice thing to say to cancer patients.
- Did you hear that the US bobsled team put Donald Trump's picture on the front of the sled? Apparently nobody else can make America go downhill faster.
- I couldn't find the thingy that peels potatoes and carrots, so I asked my kids if they'd seen it... Apparently, she left me two days ago...
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Apparently One Liners
Which apparently one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with apparently? I can suggest the ones about reportedly and seemingly.
- Do you know how to avoid clickbait? Apparently not.
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- Apparently you can't use beefstew as a password. It's not stroganoff.
- I got banned from laser tag today. Apparently they frown on using a knife to save ammo.
- Does anyone know how to avoid click bait? Apparently not.
- There's a term for guys like Donald Trump. But apparently not 2 terms.
- What do you get when you try to crossbreed a human and a moose? Arrested apparently
- Apparently someone in London gets stabbed every 90 seconds. Poor guy.
- Apparently I snore so loudly that I scare everyone in the car I'm driving.
- How many guitarists does it take to play Wonderwall? Apparently, all of them.
- What's the toughest thing about being a vegan? Apparently, keeping it to yourself.
- How many pilots does it take to make good music? Apparently at least 22
- I asked a German girl for her number today. Apparently it is 999-999-9999. Weird right?
- Apparently there was a mass shooting at the Gap. There were a lot of casual tees.
- Apparently, there's a necrophiliac on the loose. Look alive, people!
- Apparently one in three people cheat. I wonder if it's my wife or my girlfriend.
Ridiculous Apparently Jokes to Spark Fun and Laughter
What funny jokes about apparently you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean allegedly jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make apparently pranks.
Did you hear Mary Poppins stopped wearing lipstick whilst giving head?
Apparently the super colour fragile lipstick makes the d**... atrocious.
I got fired from the s**... bank yesterday
Apparently you're not allowed to nudge the nearest co-worker and say, "get a load of this guy" every time someone walks in.
Apparently as a 4-year old, h**... was saved from drowning in the river Passau by a local priest.
Goes to show once more that a lot of problems would be solved if priests could just keep their hands off kids.
I was talking to a feminist today when she told me about the Dwayne Johnson Rule.
I'd never heard of it before but apparently in order to determine if a particular comment is appropriate to say to a woman, you should first ask yourself, Would I be comfortable saying this to Dwayne Johnson? If not, don't say it.
I thought this sounded like a great rule, so I told her, Your chest is epic.
My girlfriend asked me if I could have a t**..., which of her friends I would choose.
Apparently, I was only supposed to name one, not two.
After sex with my new girlfriend last night she snuggled up next to me and said, "You are definitely the biggest I've ever had."
Apparently "ditto" wasn't the correct response.
The coast guard fined my girlfriend and I for having s**... in the ocean.
Apparently off-shore drilling is prohibited.
i went to the liquor store on my bike.
i went to the liquor store on my bike and bought a bottle v**... and put it in the basket on the front...then it occoured to me that if i fall or something happens then the bottle might break. so i drank it all right there and its a good thing i did cause i fell 7 times on the way home
apparently this was posted before...i had no idea. a friend sent me a voice recording of someone telling it and i posted it ..sorry
The 13th Amendment makes it i**... to buy people.
Apparently, it doesn't apply to congressmen.
After s**... with my new girlfriend last night she snuggled up next to me and said, "You are definitely the biggest I've ever had."
Apparently "ditto" wasn't the correct response.
Thanks for the updates friends, I just don't know how people get those yellowish stars and would really like to learn.
[edit] Thank you for the gold kind stranger.
Apparently, someone has been shot with a starter p**... at the athletics track.
Police think it was race related.
Today my son threw a quarter in the well at the mall and said "I wish my dad was dead." And because of his attitide we went home without buying anything.
When we got to our house we saw an ambulance and the coroner at Jim's house, apparently he had a freak heart attack about thirty minutes before hand, it was odd because he was a personal trainer and in great shape, my wife seemed real upset by his passing. Though it was strange because I've never even seen them speak to eachother.
I got fired from my job as a masseur.
There wasn't any specific incident, apparently I just rub people the wrong way.
Apparently there is bi-partisan agreement in Congress that medicinal m**... should be allowed for the purpose of relieving arthritic pain.
In other words, there is joint support for joint support for joint support.
A Sunday school teacher posed a question to her class, "If I were to sell my house, car, donate my possessions to charity, and give all my money to the church, would I get into heaven?"
The children unanimously replied, "No."
The teacher then asked, "If I were to keep the church clean, mow the lawn, and keep everything neat and tidy, would I get into heaven?"
Once again, the answer was a resounding "No."
Apparently perplexed, the teacher asked, "Well, then how can I get into heaven?"
A quick-witted five-year-old boy piped up and replied, "You have to be dead!"
Today I was asked how I view lesbian relationships
Apparently "in HD" wasn't the right answer
Did you hear the shocking news about Yahoo this morning?
Apparently they still have 500 million users.
I couldn't find the thingy that peels the potatoes and the carrots, so I asked the kids...
Apparently she left me two days ago.
Hipsters
I had the joy of meeting a couple of hipsters today, and they yelled at me for making fun of them. Apparently the politically correct term is "conjoined twins".
Apparently Monica Lewinsky won't be voting for Hillary Clinton this election
She says the last Clinton presidency left a bad taste in her mouth
I thought my vasectomy would keep my wife from getting pregnant
But apparently it just changes the colour of the baby
A man's wife doesn't come home one night.
The next morning, the wife tells her husband that she had slept over at a friends house. The husband then contacted all of his wife's friends asking about it: none of them said that she was staying the night.
A few nights later, the husband doesn't come home one night. Just like his wife, the next morning he tells her that he had slept over at a friends place. His wife then contacted all of the husbands friends to ask about: and apparently the husband was at 8 houses, 2 of which said he was still there!
So the American people's choices for President will apparently be either Donald Trump or Hillary Clinton.
That is the joke. There's no punchline here.
My joke was removed for comparing Trump to h**...
Apparently it's against the rules to make personal attacks on someone even after they've been dead for over 70 years.
In a safety meeting at work they asked me what steps I'd take in a fire
Apparently "Really big and fast ones" was the wrong answer.
I thought vasectomies were supposed to keep me from getting my wife pregnant??
Apparently, it just changes the color of the baby. Go figure.
I got kicked out of the library today...
Apparently putting the feminism books in the sci-fi section was not acceptable.
My girlfriend yelled at me because I apparently treat her like a child.
So I gave her a sticker for standing up for herself.
I've been reading 'Lord Of The Rings' and apparently, Gollum was once a normal man, but wearing the ring drained him of his youth, energy and any joy in life...
Must be the same ring I put on when I got married...
Eminem Coronavirus joke
Apparently, Eminem is rumored to be diagnosed with Coronavirus
In a statement released by doctors, it has been revealed that his palms were sweaty, knees weak and arms were heavy. He presented with v**... on his sweater already. Initial testing has revealed it was mums spaghetti
Someone called me racist for saying "black paint"
Apparently the politically correct term is "Tyrone, please paint the fence".
I got fired from my last job for arranging the vegetables into s**... position
Apparently that's "misconduct" for a special needs teacher.
Astronaut found out he won the lottery while he was in space
Apparently when he found out he was over the moon
How many dead h**... does it take to change a light bulb?
Apparently not three. It's still dark in my basement.
Today in church they asked what a Bishop does
Apparently move diagonally wasn't the answer they were looking for.
I wanted to marry my English teacher when she got out of prison...
...but apparently you can't end a sentence with a proposition.
What do you call a wolf that is woke?
Awarewolf
(credit goes to my GF, who's apparently practicing her dad humor. *sigh* please, don't wreck my karma)
After winning the game, I threw the ball into the crowd just like they do on TV.
Apparently that's unacceptable in bowling.
TIL Steve Irwin had a failed "Crocodile Hunter" sunscreen brand.
Apparently it didn't protect you from harmful rays
Apparently Bruce Willis is only going to concentrate on action films from now on...
because you know what they say about old habits...
Apparently saying "Black Paint" is not politically correct,
The right way to say it is "Tyrone, please paint the wall"
Just been banned from a Christian dating website.
Apparently "Hung_Like_Jesus" isn't an appropriate user name!
I was recently asked if I believed faith could move mountains.
Apparently "No, but I've seen what it can do to buildings," is the wrong answer.
A guy dressed as a Chicken for Halloween finds a girl dressed as an egg.
Apparently the answer is Chicken.
Apparently "I'm sorry" and "My bad" are same thing
unless you're at a f**...
[Demetri martin]
I got my family banned from playing Family Feud today.
The category was "Describe your s**... life with a Spongebob quote"
and apparently "ARE YOU READY KIDS?" was not the right answer.
How many dead babies does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Apparently more than 40, because my basement's still dark
During an argument with my wife, she dropped the old "why did you even marry me?" line.
Apparently "Your sister was already taken" was not the right answer.
So I was in math class when the teacher asked me what comes after 69.
Apparently, "I do." is not the correct answer.
I got fired on the first day of my new job for asking customers if they would prefer "Smoking or Non-Smoking."
Apparently, the correct phrase is, "Cremation or Burial."
I asked to switch seats on a plane because I was sat next to a screaming baby.
Apparently that's not allowed if the baby is yours.
How many dead people does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Apparently not 17, cause my basement is still dark.
So Kim Jong Un is apparently in a coma...
...Which is weird, because I thought his dad was the Il one.
I said to my girlfriend that I think she'd look sexier with her hair back…
Which is apparently an insensitive thing to say to a cancer patient.
My wife asked me which of her friends I want to have a t**... with.
Apparently, I wasn't supposed to pick two of them.
I told my wife we had a pest problem.
But, apparently we have to wait until it's 18 years old to move out.
TIL if Steve Irwin had worn sunscreen that fateful day, he would have survived.
Apparently it protects against harmful rays.
Apparently the man was smothered to death between a pair of b**....
There was no sign of a struggle.
I got kicked out of the hospital.
Apparently, the sign "s**... patients here" meant something totally different.
I got fired from my job at the library...
Apparently the book on women's rights doesn't belong in the fiction section.
