Apparent Jokes
110 apparent jokes and hilarious apparent puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about apparent that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Apparent Short Jokes
Short apparent jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The apparent humour may include short seemingly jokes also.
- Thanos' finger snap would have a greater impact if they found a way to make it seem like half the audience disappeared. Apparently only DC movies can do that.
- I called two girls hipsters and got slapped. Apparently the correct term is "conjoined twins".
- I got fired from my job because I kept asking my customers whether they would prefer Smoking or Non-smoking . Apparently the correct terms are Cremation and Burial .
- Do you ever wake up, kiss the person sleeping beside you, and be glad that you are alive? I did and apparently will not be allowed on this airline again...
- My wife told me, If anything happens to me, I want you to meet someone new. Apparently, anything doesn't include getting stuck in traffic.
- So I told my wife she'd look sexier with her hair back Apparently that's not a nice thing to say to cancer patients.
- I couldn't find the thingy that peels potatoes and carrots, so I asked my kids if they'd seen it... Apparently, she left me two days ago...
- I got fired from my job as a masseur. There wasn't any specific incident, apparently I just rub people the wrong way.
- Today I was asked how I view lesbian relationships Apparently "in HD" wasn't the right answer
- Did you hear the shocking news about Yahoo this morning? Apparently they still have 500 million users.
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Apparent One Liners
Which apparent one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with apparent? I can suggest the ones about obvious and visibly.
- Do you know how to avoid clickbait? Apparently not.
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- Apparently you can't use beefstew as a password. It's not stroganoff.
- I got banned from laser tag today. Apparently they frown on using a knife to save ammo.
- What do you get when you try to crossbreed a human and a moose? Arrested apparently
- Apparently someone in London gets stabbed every 90 seconds. Poor guy.
- Apparently I snore so loudly that I scare everyone in the car I'm driving.
- How many guitarists does it take to play Wonderwall? Apparently, all of them.
- What's the toughest thing about being a vegan? Apparently, keeping it to yourself.
- How many pilots does it take to make good music? Apparently at least 22
- I asked a German girl for her number today. Apparently it is 999-999-9999. Weird right?
- Apparently there was a mass shooting at the Gap. There were a lot of casual tees.
- I tried rocking my newborn daughter to sleep. Apparently she isn't a big Zeppelin fan.
- "Dress for the job you want," they said. Apparently pornstar wasn't a valid option.
- Who cares if you pee in the shower? The bride and all her guests, apparently.
- Kid: What do condoms do? Dad: Nothing, apparently.
Heir Apparent Jokes
Here is a list of funny heir apparent jokes and even better heir apparent puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What the difference between a prince and Jada? One's an heir apparent, the other, no hair apparent
- I convinced my son if he didn't try to keep me cool during Summer he wouldn't be written into my will... Apparently I'm now a bad father simply for wanting some heir conditioning.
- What did the court jester call the balding crown prince? The Heir Apparent with no Hair Apparent.
- What is the difference between a chimpanzee with a baby, Prince Charles, and a person with alopecia? One is a hairy parent, one is an heir apparent, and the other has no hair apparent.
Howlingly Hilarious Apparent Jokes for All Ages to Enjoy
What funny jokes about apparent you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean supposedly jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make apparent pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Did you hear Mary Poppins stopped wearing lipstick whilst giving head?
Apparently the super colour fragile lipstick makes the d**... atrocious.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I got fired from the s**... bank yesterday
Apparently you're not allowed to nudge the nearest co-worker and say, "get a load of this guy" every time someone walks in.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Apparently as a 4-year old, h**... was saved from drowning in the river Passau by a local priest.
Goes to show once more that a lot of problems would be solved if priests could just keep their hands off kids.
I was talking to a feminist today when she told me about the Dwayne Johnson Rule.
I'd never heard of it before but apparently in order to determine if a particular comment is appropriate to say to a woman, you should first ask yourself, Would I be comfortable saying this to Dwayne Johnson? If not, don't say it.
I thought this sounded like a great rule, so I told her, Your chest is epic.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My girlfriend asked me if I could have a t**..., which of her friends I would choose.
Apparently, I was only supposed to name one, not two.
After sex with my new girlfriend last night she snuggled up next to me and said, "You are definitely the biggest I've ever had."
Apparently "ditto" wasn't the correct response.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The coast guard fined my girlfriend and I for having s**... in the ocean.
Apparently off-shore drilling is prohibited.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
i went to the liquor store on my bike.
i went to the liquor store on my bike and bought a bottle v**... and put it in the basket on the front...then it occoured to me that if i fall or something happens then the bottle might break. so i drank it all right there and its a good thing i did cause i fell 7 times on the way home
apparently this was posted before...i had no idea. a friend sent me a voice recording of someone telling it and i posted it ..sorry
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The 13th Amendment makes it i**... to buy people.
Apparently, it doesn't apply to congressmen.
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
After s**... with my new girlfriend last night she snuggled up next to me and said, "You are definitely the biggest I've ever had."
Apparently "ditto" wasn't the correct response.
Thanks for the updates friends, I just don't know how people get those yellowish stars and would really like to learn.
[edit] Thank you for the gold kind stranger.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Did you hear that the US bobsled team put Donald Trump's picture on the front of the sled?
Apparently nobody else can make America go downhill faster.
Today my son threw a quarter in the well at the mall and said "I wish my dad was dead." And because of his attitide we went home without buying anything.
When we got to our house we saw an ambulance and the coroner at Jim's house, apparently he had a freak heart attack about thirty minutes before hand, it was odd because he was a personal trainer and in great shape, my wife seemed real upset by his passing. Though it was strange because I've never even seen them speak to eachother.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Apparently there is bi-partisan agreement in Congress that medicinal m**... should be allowed for the purpose of relieving arthritic pain.
In other words, there is joint support for joint support for joint support.
A Sunday school teacher posed a question to her class, "If I were to sell my house, car, donate my possessions to charity, and give all my money to the church, would I get into heaven?"
The children unanimously replied, "No."
The teacher then asked, "If I were to keep the church clean, mow the lawn, and keep everything neat and tidy, would I get into heaven?"
Once again, the answer was a resounding "No."
Apparently perplexed, the teacher asked, "Well, then how can I get into heaven?"
A quick-witted five-year-old boy piped up and replied, "You have to be dead!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
There's a term for guys like Donald Trump.
But apparently not 2 terms.
Apparently Monica Lewinsky won't be voting for Hillary Clinton this election
She says the last Clinton presidency left a bad taste in her mouth
A man's wife doesn't come home one night.
The next morning, the wife tells her husband that she had slept over at a friends house. The husband then contacted all of his wife's friends asking about it: none of them said that she was staying the night.
A few nights later, the husband doesn't come home one night. Just like his wife, the next morning he tells her that he had slept over at a friends place. His wife then contacted all of the husbands friends to ask about: and apparently the husband was at 8 houses, 2 of which said he was still there!
So the American people's choices for President will apparently be either Donald Trump or Hillary Clinton.
That is the joke. There's no punchline here.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My joke was removed for comparing Trump to h**...
Apparently it's against the rules to make personal attacks on someone even after they've been dead for over 70 years.
In a safety meeting at work they asked me what steps I'd take in a fire
Apparently "Really big and fast ones" was the wrong answer.
What do you get when you cross an atheist with a Jehovah's Witness?
Someone who knocks on your door for no apparent reason.
I got kicked out of the library today...
Apparently putting the feminism books in the sci-fi section was not acceptable.
My girlfriend yelled at me because I apparently treat her like a child.
So I gave her a sticker for standing up for herself.
I've been reading 'Lord Of The Rings' and apparently, Gollum was once a normal man, but wearing the ring drained him of his youth, energy and any joy in life...
Must be the same ring I put on when I got married...
Someone called me racist for saying "black paint"
Apparently the politically correct term is "Tyrone, please paint the fence".
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I got fired from my last job for arranging the vegetables into s**... position
Apparently that's "misconduct" for a special needs teacher.
Astronaut found out he won the lottery while he was in space
Apparently when he found out he was over the moon
Today in church they asked what a Bishop does
Apparently move diagonally wasn't the answer they were looking for.
I wanted to marry my English teacher when she got out of prison...
...but apparently you can't end a sentence with a proposition.
After winning the game, I threw the ball into the crowd just like they do on TV.
Apparently that's unacceptable in bowling.
TIL Steve Irwin had a failed "Crocodile Hunter" sunscreen brand.
Apparently it didn't protect you from harmful rays
Apparently Bruce Willis is only going to concentrate on action films from now on...
because you know what they say about old habits...
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Just been banned from a Christian dating website.
Apparently "Hung_Like_Jesus" isn't an appropriate user name!
I was recently asked if I believed faith could move mountains.
Apparently "No, but I've seen what it can do to buildings," is the wrong answer.
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This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Apparently "I'm sorry" and "My bad" are same thing
unless you're at a f**...
[Demetri martin]
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I got my family banned from playing Family Feud today.
The category was "Describe your s**... life with a Spongebob quote"
and apparently "ARE YOU READY KIDS?" was not the right answer.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How many dead babies does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Apparently more than 40, because my basement's still dark
During an argument with my wife, she dropped the old "why did you even marry me?" line.
Apparently "Your sister was already taken" was not the right answer.
So I was in math class when the teacher asked me what comes after 69.
Apparently, "I do." is not the correct answer.
I asked to switch seats on a plane because I was sat next to a screaming baby.
Apparently that's not allowed if the baby is yours.
How many dead people does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Apparently not 17, cause my basement is still dark.
A couple is dining in a restaurant when suddenly the waitress catches the man slowly sliding under the table
She sees that the woman is not bothered by this and assumes the worst...
Thinking how to approach the situation, she slowly gets to the table and quietly tells the woman:
"Ma'am, I think your husband just slid under the table for no apparent reason"
The woman turns her head and whispers:
"You're wrong my dear, my husband just entered the restaurant..."
So Kim Jong Un is apparently in a coma...
...Which is weird, because I thought his dad was the Il one.
I told my wife we had a pest problem.
But, apparently we have to wait until it's 18 years old to move out.
TIL if Steve Irwin had worn sunscreen that fateful day, he would have survived.
Apparently it protects against harmful rays.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Apparently the man was smothered to death between a pair of b**....
There was no sign of a struggle.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I got kicked out of the hospital.
Apparently, the sign "s**... patients here" meant something totally different.
I got fired from my job at the library...
Apparently the book on women's rights doesn't belong in the fiction section.
I had to break up with my cross-eyed girlfriend...
Apparently, she was seeing someone else on the side.
Apparently the company that makes Tupperware is going bust, which is a surprise.
I thought their finances would have been airtight.
A friend of mine has been rushed to hospital, after eating a horse-burger.
Apparently he is now in a stable condition.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
During my job interview I was asked: After a long week how do you normally recharge your batteries
Apparently through high voltage n**... c**... wasn't the answer they were expecting.
I got a vasectomy but my girlfriend still had a baby...
...apparently all a vasectomy does is change the colour of the baby.
I've just applied for a job in a salad packing factory.
The hours are terrible, but apparently the celery is good.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I got fired today, because my boss caught me m**... with a vegetable
Apparently nursing homes have strict rules about what you can do with patients.
So to celebrate the Halloween season...
... I was going to go to a 200 year old building that was apparently set up with shriveled up old corpses, dangerous bandits, bloodsucking vampires, hellbent soulless demons, and the like. But it turns out the Capitol Building is closed for tours until a budget resolution is reached.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My son was frustrated because apparently he just doesn't understand girls. I assured him saying that that'll change one day.
Yes, when you get older, you won't understand women.
Apparently they're removing the essay section from the SAT
Now it's just going to be called the T.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Did you hear about the surgeon who branded his initials on a patient's o**...?
Apparently it was an inside joke
So Katie Holmes is divorcing Tom Cruise...
Apparently she found out that he'd been in A Few Good Men.
"Hand me downs"
Apparently not the right way to ask the wife to hand me our disabled baby.
