The Best 70 Apparent Jokes
Following is our collection of funny Apparent jokes. There are some apparent visible jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these apparent distasteful puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Top 10 of the Funniest Apparent Jokes and Puns
Apparently you can't use beefstew as a password.
It's not stroganoff.
Apparently as a 4-year old, Hitler was saved from drowning in the river Passau by a local priest.
Goes to show once more that a lot of problems would be solved if priests could just keep their hands off kids.
Apparently Iron Man also did a tuxedo range...
But it wasn't his strong suit
Apparently Muslims invented the condom.
As it turns out, Muslims in the middle east one day came up with the brilliant idea to use goat intestines as a suitable condom. It wasn't, however, until in 1827 when the British perfected the idea by taking the intestines *out* of the goat first.
Apparently for every $1 a man makes, a woman makes 70 cents.
That's not fair. Why is the man only left with 30?
Credit to Bo Burnham.
Baked Beans.
One day I met a sweet woman and fell in love. When it became apparent that we would marry, I made the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans.
Some months later, on my birthday, my car broke down on the way home from work. Since I lived in the countryside I called my wife and told her that I would be late because I had to walk home. On my way, I passed by a small diner and the odour of baked beans was more than I could stand. With miles to walk, I figured that I would walk off any ill effects by the time I reached home, so I stopped at the diner and before I knew it, I had consumed three large orders of baked beans. All the way home, I made sure that I released all the gas.
Upon my arrival, my wife seemed excited to see! me and exclaimed delightedly: "Darling I have a surprise for dinner tonight."
She then blindfolded me and led me to my chair at the dinner table. I took a seat and just as she was about to remove my blindfold, the telephone rang. She made me promise not to touch the blindfold until she returned and went to answer the call. The baked beans I had consumed were still affecting me and the pressure was becoming most unbearable, so while my wife was out of the room I seized the opportunity, shifted my weight to one leg and let one go. It was not only loud, but it smelled like a fertilizer truck running over a skunk in front of a pulpwood mill. I took my napkin from my lap and fanned the air around me vigorously. Then, shifting to the other cheek, I ripped off three more. The stink was worse than cooked cabbage. Keeping my ears carefully tuned to the conversation in the other room, I went on like this for another few minutes. The pleasure was indescribable. When eventually the telephone farewells signalled the end of my freedom, I quickly fanned the air a few more times with my napkin, placed it on my lap and folded my hands back on it feeling very relieved and pleased with myself. My face must have been the picture of innocence when my wife returned, apologizing for taking so long. She asked me if I had peeked through the blindfold, and I assured her I had not. At this point, she removed the blindfold, and twelve dinner guests seated around the table chorused: "Happy Birthday!"
So apparently Justin Timberlake is going to write a song for all the people that have been devastated by the crisis in Ukraine.
It's going to be called 'Crimea River'.
Apparently Bruce Willis is only going to concentrate on action films from now on...
because you know what they say about old habits...
Apparently France wanted to change their name after WWII.
Unfortunately the name Iran was already taken.
Apparently they're removing the essay section from the SAT
Now it's just going to be called the T.
Apparently Stephen Hawking is in hospital after he went on a date last night...
She stood him up.
You can explore apparent cough reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean apparent clear dad jokes. There are also apparent puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
Ever ask yourself who, in a perfect world, would raise a child?
The answer should be apparent.
Apparently they're making a Middle Eastern version of 'The Flintstones'...
...and while Dubai doesn't like it, Abu Dhabi do.
Apparently, over 80% of people...
Apparently, over 80% of people don't know the opposites the the following words...
1) Always
2) Coming
3) From
4) Take
5) Me
6) Down
It's even harder, I'm told, to read the opposites of those words out loud.
Apparently it's no longer politically correct to direct a joke at any racial or ethic minority, so...
An Englishman, a Scotsman, an Irishman, a Welshman, a Gurkha, a Latvian, a Turk, an Aussie, two Kiwis, a German, an American, a South African, a Cypriot, an Egyptian, a Japanese, a Mexican, a Spaniard, a Pole, a Lithuanian, a Swede, a Finn, a Dane, a Romani, a Bulgarian, a Swiss, a Greek, a Bulgarian, a Singaporean, a Norwegian, a Libyan, a Hindu, a Muslim, a Monk, an Italian, a Serb, a Russian and an Ethiopian went to a bar.
The bouncer said, "I'm sorry, you can't come in here without a Thai"
Apparently Monica Lewinsky won't be voting for Hillary Clinton this election
She says the last Clinton presidency left a bad taste in her mouth
Apparently one in three people cheat.
I wonder if it's my wife or my girlfriend.
Apparently, exercise improves your decision making.
It's true. After going to the gym today I've decided I'm never going again.
Apparently there was a mass shooting at the Gap.
There were a lot of casual tees.
Apparently saying "Black Paint" is not politically correct,
The right way to say it is "Tyrone, please paint the wall"
Apparently 1 in 3 households live next door to a pedophile
Not me though, I live next to two smoking hot 7 year olds.
Apparently I snore so loudly that
I scare everyone in the car I'm driving.
Apparently Michael Jackson was also a gifted baseball player.
He was big in the minors.
Apparently there is bi-partisan agreement in Congress that medicinal marijuana should be allowed for the purpose of relieving arthritic pain.
In other words, there is joint support for joint support for joint support.
Apparently 1 out of 3 people cheat in a relationship
I just don't know whether it's my wife, or girlfriend.
Apparently someone in London gets stabbed every 90 seconds.
Poor guy.
Apparently saying "Black paint" is racist...
Now I have to say "Please paint the wall DeMarcus".
There's a way of telling if an orange is male or female…
If it squirts you in your eye without warning, it's a male.
If it's bitter for no apparent reason, it's a female.
The letters T and G are very close to each other on a keyboard.
This recently became all too apparent to me and consequently I will never be ending an email with the phrase "Regards" again.
Apparently the Dad jokes never stop...
I just told my wife I was going to go hop in the shower; my 66 year old father-in-law looks me straight in the face and says, "You know, it works better if you just stand in it"...
Apparently, someone has been shot with a starter pistol at the athletics track.
Police think it was race related.
Apparently my attempt at recreating authentic Middle Eastern recipes gave everyone food poisoning...
I falafel.
So, apparently Rand Paul was sucker punched...
So Rand Paul, who happens to be an ophthalmologist, apparently got into a fight with his neighbor, an anesthesiologist. Paul claims he was sucker punched, but neither man was badly hurt.
Does make you wonder, though - an ophthalmologist who didn't see it coming and an anesthesiologist who failed to deliver a knockout - seems like both men let their professions down badly...
Apparently, there's a new sex position called, "delivery man"...
You stay in all day and no-one comes...
Apparently, even saying "black paint" is considered racist...
You're supposed to say, "Leeroy, would you please paint the fence."
Apparently you can't use "fortnight" as a password.
Two week.
Apparently, you can only say "Look at you! You got so big!" to children...
Old girlfriends seem to get offended.
A couple is dining in a restaurant when suddenly the waitress catches the man slowly sliding under the table
She sees that the woman is not bothered by this and assumes the worst...
Thinking how to approach the situation, she slowly gets to the table and quietly tells the woman:
"Ma'am, I think your husband just slid under the table for no apparent reason"
The woman turns her head and whispers:
"You're wrong my dear, my husband just entered the restaurant..."
Apparently people are getting paid now to mention products in their social media posts
That's as crazy as the discounts at Dave's furniture Emporium.
Apparently Steve Irwin had his own line of sunscreen but it was taken off the market when he died.
It wasn't protecting against harmful rays.
Apparently, one in five people in the world are Chinese.
And there are five people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mum or my dad. Or my older brother, Colin. Or my younger brother, Ho-Chan-Chu. But I think it's Colin.
Apparently Canada banned trans fats today...
I don't really mind, but I wonder what my Aunt John is gonna do...
Why was the PTA meeting homicide difficult to solve?
Because it wasn't apparent who did it.
When does a joke become a Dad joke?
When the punch line becomes *apparent.*
My kids hate this one and I can't stop laughing at it...
Dad joke alert: So when does a bad joke become a Dad joke?
When the punchline becomes apparent.
Apparently, men think about sex every seven seconds...
I make sure I eat my hotdogs within 6 seconds so it doesn't get weird.
Apparently there's a beef shortage on the rise.
Good news is fast food restaurants shouldn't be affected.
When does a Joke become a Dad Joke?
When the punchline becomes apparent
Apparently "I'm sorry" and "My bad" are same thing
unless you're at a funeral
[Demetri martin]
Apparently, people from Dubai don't like the Flintstones...
But people from Abu Dhabi do.
After sex with my new girlfriend last night she snuggled up next to me and said, "You are definitely the biggest I've ever had."
Apparently "ditto" wasn't the correct response.
What is the difference between a prince, a bald headed man, a monkey and an orphan?
The first is an heir apparent, the second has no apparent hair, the third has hairy parent and the last has nary a parent.
When do jokes become dad jokes?
When they become apparent.
Apparently 1/3 of people in a relationship are unfaithful
I've just gotta figure out if it's my wife or my girlfriend
When does a joke become a dad joke?
Can't say, it will just be apparent
Apparently the British hated rows,
which was why they columnised so many places
Apparently, drinking a pint of beer shortens your lifespan by nine minutes.
According to my calculations I died some time in 1829.
Apparently my family is racist
I had them meet my new black girlfriend and they all started screaming at us. Especially my wife.
Apparently, there's a necrophiliac on the loose.
Look alive, people!
Apparently the man was smothered to death between a pair of breasts.
There was no sign of a struggle.
What do you get when you cross an atheist with a Jehovah's Witness?
Someone who knocks on your door for no apparent reason.
Apparently Tucker Carlson is starting a new band
Rage sponsored by the machine
Apparently women really care about belly buttons
I told this girl I had an outtie and her eyes lit up
Apparently, France still leads the US in total executions performed.
However, I don't think that's a fair comparison as France got a head start.
Apparently I execute commands badly....
Wife sent me to the supermarket with a simple request:
#
Go to the supermarket and buy a loaf of bread
#
If they have eggs get a dozen.
#
Came home with 12 loafs of bread,
#
Still don't get why she's mad?
Apparently, I spend too much time on reddit
My wife told me she'll slam my head on the keyboard if I don't get off. I'm not too worried, I think she's jokinlkjhfakljn m,.nbziyoao78yv87dfaoyuofaytdf
Apparently, people in Dubai don't believe in the Flintstones.
But Abu Dhabi do!
Apparently most people lean slightly forward when they nod their head.
Must say, I'm inclined to agree.
Apparently most people in The Vatican make their purchases online
Makes sense. I mean, they are a PayPal state
Know why dad jokes are obvious?
The punch line is apparent.
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the apparent resurrection jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working apparent noticeable piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.