Apparent Jokes

Following is our collection of cough humor and visible one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. They include Apparent puns for adults, dirty clear jokes or clean distasteful gags for kids.

There is an abundance of resurrection jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 63 funniest jokes on apparent. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any noticeable witze you can hear about apparent.

The Best jokes about Apparent

Apparently you can't use beefstew as a password.

It's not stroganoff.

Apparently as a 4-year old, Hitler was saved from drowning in the river Passau by a local priest.

Goes to show once more that a lot of problems would be solved if priests could just keep their hands off kids.

β€Œβ€ŒAfter sβ€Œβ€Œex wβ€Œβ€Œith mβ€Œβ€Œy nβ€Œβ€Œew gβ€Œβ€Œirlfriend lβ€Œβ€Œast nβ€Œβ€Œight sβ€Œβ€Œhe sβ€Œβ€Œnuggled uβ€Œβ€Œp nβ€Œβ€Œext tβ€Œβ€Œo mβ€Œβ€Œe aβ€Œβ€Œnd sβ€Œβ€Œaid, "β€Œβ€ŒYou aβ€Œβ€Œre dβ€Œβ€Œefinitely tβ€Œβ€Œhe bβ€Œβ€Œiggest Iβ€Œβ€Œ've eβ€Œβ€Œver hβ€Œβ€Œad."

Apparently "β€Œβ€Œditto" wβ€Œβ€Œasn't tβ€Œβ€Œhe cβ€Œβ€Œorrect rβ€Œβ€Œesponse.

Apparently, someone has been shot with a starter pistol at the athletics track.

Police think it was race related.

Apparently there is bi-partisan agreement in Congress that medicinal marijuana should be allowed for the purpose of relieving arthritic pain.

In other words, there is joint support for joint support for joint support.


There's a way of telling if an orange is male or female…

If it squirts you in your eye without warning, it's a male.

If it's bitter for no apparent reason, it's a female.

Apparently Monica Lewinsky won't be voting for Hillary Clinton this election

She says the last Clinton presidency left a bad taste in her mouth

Apparently someone in London gets stabbed every 90 seconds.

Poor guy.

Apparently I snore so loudly that

I scare everyone in the car I'm driving.

Apparently Bruce Willis is only going to concentrate on action films from now on...

because you know what they say about old habits...

Apparently saying "Black Paint" is not politically correct,

The right way to say it is "Tyrone, please paint the wall"


Apparently "I'm sorry" and "My bad" are same thing

unless you're at a funeral

[Demetri martin]

A couple is dining in a restaurant when suddenly the waitress catches the man slowly sliding under the table

She sees that the woman is not bothered by this and assumes the worst...
Thinking how to approach the situation, she slowly gets to the table and quietly tells the woman:
"Ma'am, I think your husband just slid under the table for no apparent reason"
The woman turns her head and whispers:
"You're wrong my dear, my husband just entered the restaurant..."

Apparently there was a mass shooting at the Gap.

There were a lot of casual tees.

Apparently 1 out of 3 people cheat in a relationship

I just don't know whether it's my wife, or girlfriend.

Apparently they're removing the essay section from the SAT

Now it's just going to be called the T.

Apparently there's a beef shortage on the rise.

Good news is fast food restaurants shouldn't be affected.

Why was the PTA meeting homicide difficult to solve?

Because it wasn't apparent who did it.

Apparently one in three people cheat.

I wonder if it's my wife or my girlfriend.


Apparently, even saying "black paint" is considered racist...

You're supposed to say, "Leeroy, would you please paint the fence."

Apparently the Dad jokes never stop...

I just told my wife I was going to go hop in the shower; my 66 year old father-in-law looks me straight in the face and says, "You know, it works better if you just stand in it"...

Apparently, you can only say "Look at you! You got so big!" to children...

Old girlfriends seem to get offended.

Dad joke alert: So when does a bad joke become a Dad joke?

When the punchline becomes apparent.

When does a joke become a Dad joke?

When the punch line becomes *apparent.*


My kids hate this one and I can't stop laughing at it...

Apparently, there's a new sex position called, "delivery man"...

You stay in all day and no-one comes...

Apparently people are getting paid now to mention products in their social media posts

That's as crazy as the discounts at Dave's furniture Emporium.

Ever ask yourself who, in a perfect world, would raise a child?

The answer should be apparent.

Apparently, over 80% of people...

Apparently, over 80% of people don't know the opposites the the following words...

1) Always

2) Coming

3) From

4) Take

5) Me

6) Down


It's even harder, I'm told, to read the opposites of those words out loud.

Apparently, men think about sex every seven seconds...

I make sure I eat my hotdogs within 6 seconds so it doesn't get weird.

Apparently Iron Man also did a tuxedo range...

But it wasn't his strong suit

So, apparently Rand Paul was sucker punched...

So Rand Paul, who happens to be an ophthalmologist, apparently got into a fight with his neighbor, an anesthesiologist. Paul claims he was sucker punched, but neither man was badly hurt.

Does make you wonder, though - an ophthalmologist who didn't see it coming and an anesthesiologist who failed to deliver a knockout - seems like both men let their professions down badly...

When does a Joke become a Dad Joke?

When the punchline becomes apparent

Apparently they're making a Middle Eastern version of 'The Flintstones'...

...and while Dubai doesn't like it, Abu Dhabi do.

Apparently you can't use "fortnight" as a password.

Two week.

Apparently Muslims invented the condom.

As it turns out, Muslims in the middle east one day came up with the brilliant idea to use goat intestines as a suitable condom. It wasn't, however, until in 1827 when the British perfected the idea by taking the intestines *out* of the goat first.

What is the difference between a prince, a bald headed man, a monkey and an orphan?

The first is an heir apparent, the second has no apparent hair, the third has hairy parent and the last has nary a parent.

Apparently my attempt at recreating authentic Middle Eastern recipes gave everyone food poisoning...

I falafel.

Apparently 1 in 3 households live next door to a pedophile

Not me though, I live next to two smoking hot 7 year olds.

Apparently saying "Black paint" is racist...

Now I have to say "Please paint the wall DeMarcus".

Apparently, people from Dubai don't like the Flintstones...

But people from Abu Dhabi do.

Apparently it's no longer politically correct to direct a joke at any racial or ethic minority, so...

An Englishman, a Scotsman, an Irishman, a Welshman, a Gurkha, a Latvian, a Turk, an Aussie, two Kiwis, a German, an American, a South African, a Cypriot, an Egyptian, a Japanese, a Mexican, a Spaniard, a Pole, a Lithuanian, a Swede, a Finn, a Dane, a Romani, a Bulgarian, a Swiss, a Greek, a Bulgarian, a Singaporean, a Norwegian, a Libyan, a Hindu, a Muslim, a Monk, an Italian, a Serb, a Russian and an Ethiopian went to a bar.

The bouncer said, "I'm sorry, you can't come in here without a Thai"

So apparently Justin Timberlake is going to write a song for all the people that have been devastated by the crisis in Ukraine.

It's going to be called 'Crimea River'.

Apparently Michael Jackson was also a gifted baseball player.

He was big in the minors.

Apparently Stephen Hawking is in hospital after he went on a date last night...

She stood him up.

Apparently, one in five people in the world are Chinese.

And there are five people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mum or my dad. Or my older brother, Colin. Or my younger brother, Ho-Chan-Chu. But I think it's Colin.

Baked Beans.

One day I met a sweet woman and fell in love. When it became apparent that we would marry, I made the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans.
Some months later, on my birthday, my car broke down on the way home from work. Since I lived in the countryside I called my wife and told her that I would be late because I had to walk home. On my way, I passed by a small diner and the odour of baked beans was more than I could stand. With miles to walk, I figured that I would walk off any ill effects by the time I reached home, so I stopped at the diner and before I knew it, I had consumed three large orders of baked beans. All the way home, I made sure that I released all the gas.
Upon my arrival, my wife seemed excited to see! me and exclaimed delightedly: "Darling I have a surprise for dinner tonight."
She then blindfolded me and led me to my chair at the dinner table. I took a seat and just as she was about to remove my blindfold, the telephone rang. She made me promise not to touch the blindfold until she returned and went to answer the call. The baked beans I had consumed were still affecting me and the pressure was becoming most unbearable, so while my wife was out of the room I seized the opportunity, shifted my weight to one leg and let one go. It was not only loud, but it smelled like a fertilizer truck running over a skunk in front of a pulpwood mill. I took my napkin from my lap and fanned the air around me vigorously. Then, shifting to the other cheek, I ripped off three more. The stink was worse than cooked cabbage. Keeping my ears carefully tuned to the conversation in the other room, I went on like this for another few minutes. The pleasure was indescribable. When eventually the telephone farewells signalled the end of my freedom, I quickly fanned the air a few more times with my napkin, placed it on my lap and folded my hands back on it feeling very relieved and pleased with myself. My face must have been the picture of innocence when my wife returned, apologizing for taking so long. She asked me if I had peeked through the blindfold, and I assured her I had not. At this point, she removed the blindfold, and twelve dinner guests seated around the table chorused: "Happy Birthday!"

Apparently for every $1 a man makes, a woman makes 70 cents.

That's not fair. Why is the man only left with 30?

Credit to Bo Burnham.

Thrifty therapy...

A couple, both aged 70, went to a sex therapist's office. The doctor asked, "What can I do for you?" The man said, "Will you watch us have sexual intercourse?" The doctor looked puzzled, but agreed. When the couple finished, the doctor said, "There's nothing wrong with the way you have intercourse." The doctor charged them $82 for the session. This happened several weeks in a row: the couple would make an appointment, have intercourse with no apparent problems, pay the doctor, and then leave. Finally the doctor asked, "Just exactly what are you trying to find out?" The old man replied, "We're not trying to find anything out. She's married and we can't go to her house. I'm married and we can't go to my house. The Sheraton charges $90 and the Hilton charges $108. We do it here for $82, and I get $68 back from Medicare."

Apparently, exercise improves your decision making.

It's true. After going to the gym today I've decided I'm never going again.

Apparently France wanted to change their name after WWII.

Unfortunately the name Iran was already taken.

Apparently Steve Irwin had his own line of sunscreen but it was taken off the market when he died.

It wasn't protecting against harmful rays.

A woman was walking down the street with her blouse open and her right breast hanging out.

A cop was approaching from about a block away, thinking to himself, "Boy, my eyes must be going. It looks like that woman is hanging out of her blouse."

But, as he got closer, it became apparent that she really was hanging out her blouse.

When the officer got face to face with the woman, he said, "Miss, are you aware that I could cite you for indecent exposure?"

"Why, officer?" the woman asked.

"Well," said the officer, "Your right breast is hanging out of your blouse."

The woman quickly looked down and screamed, "Oh my God! I left my baby on the bus!"

The letters T and G are very close to each other on a keyboard.

This recently became all too apparent to me and consequently I will never be ending an email with the phrase "Regards" again.

Apparently Canada banned trans fats today...

I don't really mind, but I wonder what my Aunt John is gonna do...

Apparently the most common surname In China is Chang.

...correct me if you think that's Wong.

The distinction between a sibling and a half-sibling

is apparent.

Apparently mime on mime violence is a real problem, you just don't hear about it.

So apparently a gorilla got shot at the zoo for grabbing a kid that had wandered into its enclosure..

And social media went apeshit.

Apparently I'm still lost....

As a bagpiper, I play many places. Recently I was asked by a funeral director to play at a graveside service for a homeless man. He had no family or friends, so the service was to be at a pauper's cemetery in the Kentucky back country.

As I was not familiar with the backwoods, I got lost and, being a typical man, I didn't stop for directions.

I finally arrived an hour late and saw the funeral guy had evidently gone and the hearse was nowhere in sight. There were only the diggers and crew left and they were eating lunch.

I felt bad and apologized to the men for being late. I went to the side of the grave and looked down and the vault lid was already in place. I didn't know what else to do, so I started to play.

The workers put down their lunches and began to gather around. I played out my heart and soul for this man with no family and friends. I played like I've never played before for this homeless man.

And as I played 'Amazing Grace,' the workers began to weep. They wept, I wept, we all wept together. When I finished I packed up my bagpipes and started for my car. Though my head hung low, my heart was full.

As I opened the door to my car, I heard one of the workers say, "I never seen nothin' like that before and I've been putting in septic tanks for twenty years."

Apparently I'm still lost....

Apparently OJ Simpson is interested in dating again.

He's ready to have another stab at a relationship.

What do I call my dad?

Shouldn't it be apparent?

Apparently the US government has to choose between supporting ISIS and the al-Assad regime...

I think that's called getting caught between Iraq and a hard place.

Apparently you can survive just by eating plants.

That's something I haven't herbivore.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

Joko Jokes