Apostles Jokes
27 apostles jokes and hilarious apostles puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about apostles that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Discover the best jokes about the 12 apostles and their role in the Trinity and salvation. Laugh along with these witty and clever disciples!
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Funniest Apostles Short Jokes
Short apostles jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The apostles humour may include short disciples jokes also.
- Jesus and the 12 apostles walk into a restaurant and Jesus says to the waiter:
-- Table for 26 please.
-- But there's only 13 of you?
-- Yeah, but we wanna sit all on one side. - What do Paul the Apostle and Jack the Ripper have in common? They have the same middle name.
- I told my wife I'm going to start calling her Peter the Apostle. After she denied me three times.
- At church in Russia they have Communionism. Jesus broke bread and said "This is my body..." The Russian apostle cuts him off and says "Nyet, it is 'our' body".
- So, Jesus and the Apostles walk into a Bar... Jesus motions to the bartender, says "13 waters, please," and winks at the apostles.
- At the Last Supper... [At Last Supper]
*Jesus raises bread*
"This is my body!"
*Jesus raises wine*
"And this is my blood!"
*Pulls out 9 of Clubs*
"And this is your card"
*Apostles go nuts* - The apostles are at the last supper... Jesus is eating like a slob and spilling wine everywhere and Judas says to him "Were you born in a barn?"
- Jesus was talking with the 12 apostles.. He said Hey Guys, I can walk on water!
They responded No way
And he said back Yahweh! - I'm painting a still life version of The Last Supper with all the apostles as vegetables Judas is carrot.
- Did you hear the one about the Atheist who played hide and seek with the Apostles? He found Jesus.
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Apostles One Liners
Which apostles one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with apostles? I can suggest the ones about popes and monks.
- Jesus was able to hold the 12 apostles together... He acted as a crossmemeber.
- What type of car did the apostles drive? A Honda, because they were all in one Accord.
- How Jesus able to change Peter from a tax collector to an apostle? Peter was non-prophet.
- Why did Jesus and his apostles had perfect body?? Cross fit
- What do you call a Nard scented body spray? The AXE of the Apostles.
- What car did the Apostles drive? (Hint:Acts 2:1 KJV)
- What do you call a Sith m**...? [OC by my 7yr old son] The Apostle Maul.
![Apostles joke, What do you call a Sith m**...? [OC by my 7yr old son]](/images/jokes/apostles-jokes-im-painting-a-still-life-version-of-the-last-suppe.jpg "Apostles joke, What do you call a Sith m**...? [OC by my 7yr old son]")
Rib-Tickling Apostles Jokes that Bring Friends Together
What funny jokes about apostles you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean saint jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make apostles pranks.
So, Jesus is going over the bill for the Last Supper...
So Jesus is going over the bill for the Last Supper when the apostles notice he has closed his eyes, and is rubbing the bridge of his nose. Exasperated, he asks: "Why... WHY would anyone order wine?"
Jesus walks into a restaurant with his Apostles...
and says to the host, "Table for 26 please". The host, confused said, "but Jesus, it's just you and your 12 Apostles, that only makes 13". To this Jesus replied, "Yeah, but we're only going to sit on one side of the table."
The new priest
A new priest was nervous before his first sermon, so the monseigneur told him to have a bit of a drink before mass to take off the edge.
The new priest took the advice. After the sermon he returned to the rectory to find a note. It read:
Good sermon today, but a few small points:
- There are 10 commandments, not 12
- There are 12 apostles, not 10
- David was struck with a rock and knocked off his donkey, he was not "s**... off his a**..."
- Next weekend there's a taffy pulling contest at St. Peter's, not a peter-pulling contest at St. Taffy's
Jesus and his apostles go to a restaurant...
"Table for 26, please," Jesus tells the hostess.
"But there are only 13 of you."
"Yeah, but we're all going to sit on one side of the table."
Jesus' apostles were Mexican...
...Because there were twelve of them who traveled in an accord.
According to the Bible, what company was the first car manufacturer?
Honda. Because Jesus and his apostles were in one accord.
Jesus and the Apostles walk into a bar.
"How many?" the hostess asks.
Jesus replies: "Table for 26 please. It's our Last Supper and we all want to sit on the same side."
