Experience Instant Grins & Giggles with Playful Apologize Jokes
Two pilots were accused of s**... harassment.
HR said a female pilot complained about the way they were joking and saying cockpit during the flight. Looking relieved they both got up to leave. HR quickly asks where there going when one pilots says "we don't have a problem, we'll apologize, and we'll never use the term cockpit again. That was totally insensitive of us. From here on out we'll just call it a sky box."
How do you stop an anti-vaxer from drowning?
Take your foot off his head.
**
What are the last four words a r**... says before he commits s**...?
Hey guys, watch this!
What do you do when you come across Santa on New Years Eve?
You wipe it off and apologize.
I don't know what you do when you come across a bear,
But I just wipe it off and apologize.
This is terrible, and I'd like to apologize in advance, but could anyone tell me why hipsters prefer corpses over zombies?
Corpses are still underground.
How does a woman apologize to a man?
I'm sorry, but it's your fault.
Made this up while laying in bed and yes it's bad. I apologize in advance
A 35 year old house painter walks out of his home on a snowy winter day but quickly scurries back inside and says with a grin on his face "It likes like I'M the one that needs another coat today"
A man walks into a bar and orders ten shots of whiskey.
As soon as the bartender pours them out, the man slams them down, one right after the other. Before the bartender can say anything, the man orders ten more shots.
"I don't know, maybe you should slow down," says the bartender.
The man replies, already slurring, "You'd be drinking like this too if you had what I have."
The bartender is taken aback and starts to apologize, "Oh I'm so sorry. What do you have?"
And the man says, "About $3."
What do you do when you come across an elephant?
Wipe it off and apologize.
What do you get when you cross a female tyrannosaur with a male tyrannosaur?
Tyrannosaurus s**...!
*I apologize deeply, I'm so...so sorry*
You can explore apologize regretful reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean apologize apologise dad jokes. There are also apologize puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
What's Bernie Sanders's favorite insurance company?
Progressive
*this just popped up in my head while in the shower. If already posted I apologize in advance*
How do telegraph operators apologize?
Remorse code
What do you call a dog with no legs?
It doesn't matter what you call it. It's not gonna come.
(Probably been posted before, but oh well I'm new and I apologize)
What's it called when you apologize using dots and dashes?
Remorse code
I'd like to apologize for all of my terrible chemistry jokes.
All of the good ones argon.
My neighbors caught me watching them have s**... through their bedroom window and told my parents.
My dad made me apologize and told the couple I was normally above that type of behavior. I took the advice and started watching through the skylight.
What's the difference between a Canadian oil mogul and an American one?
The Canadian will apologize for destroying the environment.
My wife and I were having an argument the other day.
She started name calling and not fighting fair, so I responded with "You're rubbish in bed" among other things.
A few hours later at work, I felt terrible about what i had said, so I called her to apologize and I asked her, "What are you doing?"
And she said, "I'm in bed."
So i said, "What are you doing this late in bed?"
And she said, "Getting a second opinion."
An Old Man and His Lake
An old man went down to his lake to clear brush from a recent storm. When he arrived he found 8 beautiful women skinny dipping in the water. Seeing him the women yelled "you get out of here old man. We're staying under the water until you're long gone so you don't see a thing." Quickly the old man replied "I apologize ladies. I'm not here to spy on you. I just came to feed the alligators."
Why does a Somalian baby cry?
It's having a mid life crisis.
I apologize for nothing.
I always considered myself a Canadian American in spirit
I apologize when I enter an empty room in case the NSA is listening.
In WW2 you could identify which nationality your opponent was from by observing their behaviors
If they respond to threats with precise rifle shots, they're British
If they respond with heavy machine gun fire, they're German
If they retreat, they're French
If they switch to your side, they're Italian
If they apologize, they're Canadian
If nothing happens for a few minutes then suddenly your camp is leveled to the ground, they're American
You don't want to get busy in an elevator.
Having s**... in an elevator is wrong on so many levels.
Note: I did check the sub for this joke. Couldn't find it (I admit I didn't search too deep but I hope you enjoy this one).
I apologize in advance if this has been reposted.
Why did the man in the stretcher apologize?
Because he got carried away.
Saying "I'm sorry" and "I apologize" means the same thing ...
Unless you're at a f**....
What do you call a male cow that keeps falling asleep?
A bulldozer.
I just made this up. I apologize for my self and my entire ancestory that led to this.
I'm gonna dress up as Forest Gump tonight and go to the movies and make a a scene.
Then I will have to apologize for ruining their Black Panther party
The latest report from Mars indicates the presence of large ring structures of precious stones and a dusting of glitter almost everywhere
Apparently, efforts are underway to tiara-form the planet.
(I do apologize for this. I happen to hear someone pronounce this word rather frequently and this is what I keep imagining they are meaning. Along with some deposits of sass, pageantry and frills.)
Why are giraffes so slow to apologize?
It takes a long time for them to s**... their pride.
The other night I got really drunk at a bar. I started telling some very racist jokes and when I looked up a good friend of mine who is black happened to be there. I felt awful about it and called him up to apologize first thing the next morning.
He said he wasn't even at the bar.
Why wouldn't the ref apologize to Serena Williams?
It wasn't his fault
An obese man wants to lose a few pounds, goes to see a specialist...
An Obese man wants to lose a few pounds, goes to see a specialist...
He's in the lobby for an hour before the doc calls him in.
Doc: I apologize for your wait.
Man: Don't, *I'm* the one that can't stop eating.
"I'm sorry" and "I apologize" are synonyms
Unless you're at a f**...
In Roman Catholicism who invented Cheese?
Cheesus
(I'm really high so I apologize if this joke makes no sense)
What do you call the place where bad noodles live?
The Spaghetto
What do you call noodles who can't remember anything?
Forgetti
I'd like to apologize for wasting your time with these terrible jokes, just trying to get pasta really boring morning.
I hope my internet points don't take a hit too, that would cost me a pretty penne.
Why did so many German officers flee to Argentina after WW2?
Because they heard there was an entire town for Buenos Arians
(I hope this hasn't been posted before, if so I apologize)
I apologize to all the people I told they were only average persons.
I didn't mean it.
I was always told "I'm sorry" and "I apologize" mean the same thing.
Turns out this doesn't apply to funerals, though.
I'm trying to learn English. They told me "I'm sorry" and "I apologize" mean the same thing, but I'm still confused.
Can anybody please tell me why the widow got mad at me at the f**...?
I'd like to apologize to all my fellow Californians for the recent forest fires.
Apparently I'm the only one that could've prevented them.
My friend told this to me the other day, so I apologize if this is a repost or anything like that.
A man is pulled over for speeding.
Police Officer: Sir, were you aware you were going 68 MPH on a 45?
Man: No sir.
Officer: Well, you were, and that's far too high. You'll have to be in court.
Man: Well, can you at least raise the number a bit so we can get the judge to say it?
Officer: I guess I can.
\*In the courtroom
Judge: How were you going 420 on a 45?!?
I had to apologize to my friend for making fun of his erectile dysfunction.
I said, Hope there are no hard feelings.
What's Admiral Akbar's Favorite Shape? It's a Trapezoid!
I apologize if this has been posted before. It came to me sitting in a first grade class today (I'm a substitute teacher, not a 7 year old).
The Nigerian football team apologize for their poor performance in yesterday's match.
They will be issuing refunds for anyone who purchased tickets. Just send in your bank details and pin number...
How do you know a redditor is not a native english speaker?
They'll apologize for potential mistakes after 10 paragraphs of perfect english
How do you know someone with excellent English isn't a native speaker?
They apologize for their bad English.
(Inspired by seeing an example on this sub.)
(This is a bit of a dark joke, I apologize)
A drag queen from TV said this joke ages ago (Darienne Lake) and it's still one of my favorites.
I asked my mom why I was so weird, was I dropped on my head as a baby?
She said 'oh honey…you have to be HELD in order to be dropped.'
A man buys a parrot and brings him home.
But the parrot starts insulting him and gets really n**..., so the man picks up the parrot and tosses him into the freezer to teach him a lesson. He hears the bird squawking for a few minutes, but all of a sudden the parrot is quiet. The man opens the freezer door, the parrot walks out, looks up at him, and says, "I apologize for offending you, and I humbly ask your forgiveness."
The man says, "Well, thank you. I forgive you."
The parrot then says, "If you don't mind my asking, what did the chicken do?"
Just made this up, and apologize in advance... What did the Doctor give the weatherman after his skiing accident?
4 casts
Apology
(an old Yiddish joke)
The court jester argued with the king about whether an apology could be worse than the crime.
Later that day the king was going up the stairs when he felt a hand on his behind. He turned around to see the jester.
"I'm sorry your Highness, I apologize. I thought you were the Queen.
Not sure if that one has already been here, if so - I apologize
A man drives his car on the highway, when he hears the following traffic warning on the radio "Drivers, be careful there is a wrong way driver coming on the highway 9 in the direction of Berlin."
"Whaat?", shouts out the man to himself. "One?? More like a thousand of them!!"
Why are there so few Jim Jones jokes?
Because the punch line would be too long.
I apologize in advance.
for the longest time I've been told that we canadians apologize for a lot of things that aren't even our fault in the slightest
So in the name of all canadians I'd like to apologize for that
I was auditioning for a play today, and the director yelled at me. He said my acting reminded him of a female reproductive o**...! Needless to say I stormed off…
But after I thought about it, I went back. I had to apologize for o**... acting.
Why did the old witch in the woods get removed from the Grimm's fairy tales?
Hansel Culture.
\-- Late Night with Seth Meyers
(I apologize for this)
