Apologise Jokes
48 apologise jokes and hilarious apologise puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about apologise that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Apologise Short Jokes
Short apologise jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The apologise humour may include short apologize jokes also.
- The Somalian Olympics team has just apologised The Somalian Olympics Team has just apologised to the Olympic Committee after realising that sailing and shooting were 2 separate events!!
- When I was a kid adults would use swear words then apologise by saying 'Excuse my French'. I still remember my first day at school when the teacher asked "Does anyone know any French?"
- What's the difference between a fruit and a vegetable? One likes men and the other is disabled.
EDIT 2: I apologise if this offends some people. In 2017, you cannot be too careful. - The most British thing I've ever heard? A lady who said, "Well I'm sorry, but I don't apologise".
- I apologise for the following joke, it's a long one... Oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooonnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnneeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
- Now that Will Smith has apologised for slapping Chris Rock, his conscience is clean. His wife on the other hand, is Mr Clean.
- In News Today, a fight was started downtown by a man wearing a suit completely made of mirrors..... The police said the man apologised once he had time to sit down and reflect.
- My wife hit me in the face with a frying pan and yelled, "That's for all the cheating!" She has a weird way of apologising.
- What happens when you come across a lion in the jungle? Wipe it off and politely apologise
- This man said to me "sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry" I said "that's really annoying".
He said "I know, I can only apologise."
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Apologise One Liners
Which apologise one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with apologise? I can suggest the ones about forgive and forgive me.
- What do you do if you come across a tiger in the jungle? Wipe it off and apologise.
- I'm pretty bad at apologising.. So I just say... "unfuck you".
- I never apologise, and I will never explain myself. I'm sorry, it's just the way I am.
- I just came across a tiger in a jungle. I immediately wiped it off and apologised.
- I came, I saw, I wiped it off and I apologised.
- What do you call an academic who apologises all the time? An anthropologist
- What do you do if you come across a camel? Wipe it off and apologise
- What do you say to a German coeliac? "Gluten Tag"
I apologise for nothing ;) - If Gal Gadot ever cheated on me I would apologise
- How does Schrödinger apologise? Sorry not sorry
- Ellen Pao has apologised...
- How did one Brain apologise to the other? I'm cerebro
- Never Apologise! Never Explain! Sorry, that's my motto.
- How muslim parents apologise Come eat
- What do you do if you come across a woman in the military? Wipe it off and apologise.
Laughter Apologise Jokes for Everyone for Fun and Frivolity
What funny jokes about apologise you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean confess jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make apologise pranks.
A girl promises to teach her boyfriend what 69ing is.
He lies down on the floor and she squats down over his face to assume the position and farts. Embarrassed she stands up and apologises. She squats down for another go but farts again, she gets up and apologises again.
Before she can have a third go, her boyfriend gets up and goes to walk out saying yeah this isn't really for me, I'm not having 67 more of those in my face
"I'm sorry" and "I apologise" mean the same thing.
Except at a f**...
I was sitting on a bus with a friend and he told me this joke...
What do you do if you see an Epileptic having a fit in the bath?
Throw in your laundry.
The guy behind us leaned over and said "I think that's disgusting. My son died in the bath whilst having a fit."
We both went white and apologised. The guy got up to get off and said, "he choked on a sock."
One day, a taxi cab passenger touched...
a new cab driver on his shoulder to ask him something. The driver squealed EEEEEEEEEE! , lost control of car, and screeched to a stop after mounting the sidewalk. The passenger apologised profusely & said: "I had no idea you would be startled by me tapping your shoulder!"
Driver replied: Im sorry it's not your fault; I used to be f**... driver for 25 years.
A man living in the Soviet union is queuing up for bread...
when he gets to the front he is told there is none left.
Annoyed, the man goes on a tirade, complaining about the poor conditions and the incompetence of the government.
A soldier, hearing this, says to him, "you better be careful. In the old days it would have been...", the soldier points his gun at the man's head, "...bang!"
The man apologises and shuffles off. When he gets back home his wife asks him, "husband, your hands are empty! Have they run out of bread again?"
To which the man replies, "it's even worse than that. They've run out of bullets!"
There is a difference between I'm sorry and I apologise...
Don't believe me?
Try saying I apologise at a f**...
"I'm sorry" and "I apologise" mean the same thing.
Unless you're at a f**....
The Queen was riding in an open carriage with the American Ambassador when one of the horses let out an enormous f**....
The Queen turns to the Ambassador and says "My goodness, I do apologise"
"That's OK Ma'am, I thought it was the horse"
A flight from Dublin to Boston
Shortly after I took off on an Aer Lingus flight from Dublin to Boston a few weeks ago, the air hostess nervously announced that the catering department had made a terrible mistake. A big mix up she said. Although 226 passengers were on board they received only 80 dinners. She apologised, but said that anybody kind enough to give up their meal would receive unlimited free drinks for the remainder of the flight. The next announcement came 2 hours later when she said, "If anybody is hungry, we still have 80 dinners available".
A passenger in a taxi tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him something.
The driver screamed, lost control of the cab, nearly hit a bus, drove up over the curb, and stopped just inches from a large plate glass window.
For a few moments everything was silent in the cab, then the driver said "Please, don't ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me." The passenger, who was also frightened, apologised and said he didn't realise that a tap on the shoulder could frighten him so much, to which the driver replied: "I'm sorry, it's really not your fault at all. Today is my first day driving a cab. I have been driving a hearse for the last 25 years."
A man lives on the 15th floor of an apartment.
One rainy Saturday afternoon he walks out onto his balcony and sticks his hand out over the edge to see if it's raining or not, and a glass eye falls into his hand. He looks up, and there is a gorgeous woman standing on the balcony above him, who apologises and says she was just leaning out to check the rain and her glass eye fell out. She asks him to bring it up the stairs to her, which he does immediately. To say thanks, she kisses him on the mouth. Mildly surprised, he asks, "Do you do that to every guy you meet?"
And she replies, "Only the ones that catch my eye."
I've just taken my sausages back to the butchers...
There was only a tiny bit of pork in the middle, the left and right sides were just pure breadcrumbs.
The butcher apologised and said that he was suffering financially, business was tough and he was finding it increasingly difficult to make ends meat.
Usually, "I'm sorry" and "I apologise" are used synonymously...
But I wouldn't recommend it at a f**....
A man is sitting on a train with a baby, who is very ugly.
In fact, the baby is so ugly that a nearby passenger says,
What a hideous baby.
I've never been so insulted in my whole life, the man says, and
hurries to the train conductor to complain.
I'm so sorry, sir, the train conductor says, when the man tells her
he was insulted so terribly. I apologise on behalf of the railway
company.
Please allow me to move you to the first-class cabin, where you
can enjoy a free glass of champagne and I will try to find some cheese for your pet rat.
A woman promises to teach her boyfriend what 69ing is.
A woman promises to teach her boyfriend what 69ing is.
He lies on the floor and she squats down over his face to assume the position and farts. Embarrassed she stands up and apologises. She squats down for another go but farts again, she gets up and apologises again.
Before she can have a third go, her boyfriend gets up and goes to walk out saying yeah this isn't really for me, I'm not having 67 more of those in my face
A man walks into a library...
...The man walks up to the librarian and says "Can I have a burger and fries please." The librarian, confused, replies with "Sir, this is a library."
The man apologises, leans in closely and whispers "Can I have a burger and fries please."
An american and Canadian are having a conversation
The american asks: Is it true that Canadians apologise a lot?
The Canadian thought about it for a while, shook his head, and replied:
I'm sorry, I don't know
I'll just apologise right now...
A man goes to the doctor. He says, "Doc, I think there may be something wrong with the pills you gave me last time."
The doctor peered over his glasses, "Why do you think that, Mr Jones?"
"I keep veering to the left, then to the right."
"I shouldn't worry about that," replies the doctor. "Those are just side effects..."
A plane is sitting at the terminal and is supposed to leave shortly
Departure seems to be taking ages, and the passengers are growing restless. Eventually a staff member says on the PA system:
"Ladies and gentlemen, we apologise for the delay to your journey today. During preflight checks the pilot wasn't happy with the noise coming from the left engine, so we've had to delay departure until we can locate a new pilot."
A wife his her husband with a rolling pin
A wife hits her Husband with a rolling pin, the husband says ouch! What was that for?
The wife then tells him I found a piece of paper with the name Jenny on it
The husband then tells her that Jenny was the name of the horse he put a bet on last week.
The wife apologises to him.
The next the wife hits her husband with a rolling pin.
The husband says ouch! What was that for?
The wife then says your horse is on the phone
Three Nurses working in a morgue discover a man with a hard on.
The first nurse says, "I can't let that go to waste!" and rides him.
The second nurse does the same thing.
The third nurse, who was on her period, hesitates but does it anyways.
Then the man wakes up, and in complete shock, the nurses apologise, saying they thought he was dead. The man replies, "I was! But after two jump-starts and a blood transfusion, I feel great!"
Generally, the phrases "I'm sorry" and "I apologise" are used synonymously...
But not at a f**....
What do you call a group of disabled people in a pool?
Vegetable soup.
I apologise to those offended by my terrible joke. Have another;
Whats the hardest part of cooking a vegetable?
Getting the wheelchair into the oven
I've always thought that the phrases 'I'm sorry' and 'I apologise' meant the same thing
Until I went to a f**...
