The Best 48 Apologies Jokes

Following is our collection of Apologies jokes which are very funny. There are some apologies condolences jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud. Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these apologies forgive puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Funny Apologies Jokes and Puns

Wait, Cyber Monday is about shopping?

Apologies to my friends on my chat list...

Why can't you see a transgender who's a dad?

Because he's a transparent.

Apologies if I could've worded it different.

An American visiting the U.K .......

has had a little too much to drink one particular night. He noticed two larger females sitting in the corner of the pub so he walks over to spark up a conversation and he says, hello ladies, I couldn't help but notice your accents. ……Are you both from Ireland?
They sneer at him and the one says it's Wales!
So the man says my apologies. ….Are you whales from Ireland?

OC, What do you call an anorexic lesbian?

A skeleton in the closet.

Sincere apologies to everyone I've just horribly offended!

Did you know that beer contains female hormones?

It's true. You drink too much you get fat, get emotional, talk too much, cry, and you can't drive a car.

All apologies to the fairer sex.


Why did the police drop the charges against the man accused of being an olive branch?

Because the charges wooden stick.



My humblest apologies.
* The case! Drop the case! Ah fuckit.

I heard Playboy was a proper top shelf magazine, so I gave it a go.....

... I have to say, it isn't dishwasher safe *at all*.

(With apologies if this joke doesn't translate well - a top shelf magazine is one sold on the top shelf of the newsagent, out of sight of the kiddies.)

What do you call an orthodox jew that is prone to heartburn?

Acidic.

[My apologies]

Two drunk idiots are sitting on top of a building...

Staring at the moon, one of 'em says, "Give me your flashlight, I'll turn it on, aim it at the moon and then you go climb up to the moon using the beam."

"No! You idiot! What if you turn it off when I'm midway!"

(English, not my native language, apologies.)

What's the difference between cocaine and a baby? (Apologies in advance)

Eric Clapton won't let cocaine fall out of a window....

Near-immediate

My friend speaks Spanish fluently and he is great with numbers

so we were looking for cheap books when we came to the table that advertised, 5 books for the price of 3. I found the books we needed on another table and surprised when I saw the same offer.

"Oh Look, 5 for 3 too Juan."

You can explore apologies apologise reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean apologies apology accepted dad jokes. There are also apologies puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


What does Miley Cyrus have for Christmas Dinner?

Twerky!

I thought of that yesterday, apologies if you've heard it a thousand times already.

What's grey and comes in litres?

An elephant.

Apologies if this is a repost - heard it yesterday and had to share.

How do you start a rave in Africa?

Glue toast to the ceiling.

(Apologies if repost, I found it funny and wanted to share it with you guys. Have a great day! :D )

Biography written by Bob Dylan...

About Tottenham's Hotspurs' star striker
The title?
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..
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"Thats the Story of a Harry Kane"

With apologies

Three large girls walk into a bar...

They sit down at the bar and try to order a drink. The bartender clearly doesn't understand their heavy accents so a man comes over to try and help. The man says, "excuse me, but are you ladies from Scotland?"

They say, "No! Wales, Wales!"

"Oh my apologies! Are you whales from Scotland?"

I Am Using Your Wife.

A man received message from his neighbour.

Sorry sir I am using your wife.
I am using day and night.
I am using when u r not present at home.
In fact I am using more than U R using.
I confess this because now I feel very much guilt.
Hope U will accept my sincere apologies.

Man went home and had a big fight with his wife.

Few minutes later he received another massage.

Sorry Sir spelling / auto correct mistake ...
it's not wife but WIFI.

Ryan Lochte's first draft of his apology statement...

"Hi guys, my bad. Apologies to the people of Argentina. Jeah!"

Groaner I came up with, my apologies. Why did the dog go to the funeral?

Because he was a paw bearer.


What is a Canadian's favorite nirvana song?

All Apologies

What is matthew mcconaughey' least favorite part of interstellar?

"The girls get older, but he stays the same age"

-first attempt at a original joke (apologies if its a repost that I'm unaware of)

I bought a new crucifix-stand for my church but accidentally got the wrong cloth pattern

Apologies, cross-post from a different thread.

What's the difference between an encyclopedia and a Republican senator?

The encyclopedia has a spine.

(Apologies to Senators Collins and Murkowski)

I got a message from my local library today...

... that said I needed to return a book. It was duly noted.

*(Apologies in advance if this has been posted before, I swear I thought of it myself!)*

Did you hear about the Eye Doctor who changed professions to become a comedian?

He made a spectacle of himself.

.

ok its bad. Apologies in advance.

A blonde was walking down the street carrying a bag..

When another blonde rounds a corner and runs into her.
"My apologies! But what is in the bag, may I ask?"
"Oh, just carrying home some chickens for dinner for me and my husband!"
"If I guess how many chickens are in there, may I have one?"
"Hah ! If you can guess how many chickens I have in my bag, you can have *both* of them!" chuckles the blonde

"Umm.. seven?"

In my family they didn't say "dont forget to wash behind your ears!"

They said "Dont forget to wash inside your flaps"

My apologies to the Jewish men who dont understand.

A problem at the restaurant

Waiter!" shouted the furious diner. "How dare you serve me this! There's a TWIG in my soup!"

"My apologies," said the waiter. "I'll inform the branch manager."

What kind of poultry is good at dancing?

A twerkey!

Apologies for the awful joke. Thought of it this morning and it made me laugh for an unreasonable length of time.

Mr.Bates gets a butler

(My dad told me this joke)
Butler:Good Morning Mr. Bates.
Bates: Please address me as master from now on
Butler: My sincere apologies Master Bates...

Police Station Intelligence Test

Apologies if this has been posted before \(I searched, albeit not a lot\). My physics teacher in college told me this one:

They gave a basic intelligence test at the local police station. The kind where you have to stick the geometric shapes in the corresponding holes.

It turns out we have two kinds of cops: Very stupid ones and very strong ones.

Customer: WAITER! There's one hair in my soul!

Waiter: My apologies, we cannot provide a wig at this price.

Hi, I'd like to reserve a table for 5 O'Clock?

Employee: Sir... this is... McDonald's

Me: Oh apologies, my bad... I'd like to McReserve a table for 5 O'Clock

I was watching a movie where the acting was so bad

that it turned into a football (soccer to us yanks) game.

I called my repairman to complain about a faulty icemaker that had been leaking ...

When he came back out to the house, he discovered it was just some ice that had fallen and melted on the floor. I offered my apologies for the mistake. The repairman told me not to worry, as far as he was concerned, it was water under the fridge.

Hey Guys!

First time posting here.
I'm not a native speaker so apologies if I made a mistake.
Also on phone, so pardon the format.

Second time reposting here.

Prostate and apologies if its a repost

A man went though his Prostate exam with stoicism and thought good, thats done with, as the doctor walked out. Then the nurse walked in and muttered those three words no man wants to hear.



"Who was that?"

What did the vampire say to his girlfriend?

See you next month.

What did the Frenchman with bad allergies say when he had to leave the dinner party?

My sincerest apologies but I bid you all ACHOO.

What do you call a dyslexic, agnostic insomniac?

A man who lies awake all night wondering if there really is a dog.

My dad told me this joke, my apologies if it came from somewhere else.

Man walks into a library

... says to the librarian in a loud voice, 'please can I have fish chips and mushy peas twice'. The librarian says 'this is a library'. The man apologies and whispers 'sorry, Please can I have fish chips and mushy pease twice'.

Why should you never argue with a decimal?

It's because they always have a point.

After 18 years of raising our teenage daughter as a proud Republican she has decided that she wants to become a Communist.

Well if that's the way she wants to be, then Soviet.

(Apologies if this has been posted before, I either thought of it or remembered it this morning on the toilet.)

What do you call cold Mexican food?

A Brrrr-rito.

Guess what I had for breakfast. Apologies if repost.

An Englishman, an American and an Irishman are lined up against the wall to be executed by the Nazis.

The Englishman is first, they put him against the wall, ready, aim …. The Englishman yells out earthquake earthquake!!! The Germans panic and he manages to run away.

The american is next and having seen what happened, as the Germans go ready, aim …. He yells out flood, flood. Again the Germans panic and he manages to run away.

The Irishman is next the Germans line him up and go ready, aim…. The Irishman confidently yells out Fire fire ….....

Apologies to any Irish offended. And Germans too.

A Geologist from Alabama could tell you the chronological order of Sandstone Layers, but not their exact ages

You could see they're into Relative Dating.

...

*Sigh*

I know you expected that punchline. My apologies, when I'm under pressure my sediment jokes turn a little schist.

Please stay gneiss in the comments.

For my first cake day I want to share a joke my dad told me when I was probably too young to really understand it. How does an elephant hide in the jungle?

Climbs to the top of a cherry tree and paints his balls red.

What's the loudest sound in the jungle?

Giraffes eating cherries!

(Apologies if you've heard it before fellow Redditors! Maybe by next cake day I'll get better material)

A man receives a message from a neighbour....

Sorry sir I am using your wife...day and night... When you are not present at home...In fact , much more than you do. I confess this now because I am feeling very guilty. Hope you will accept my sincere apologies."

The man is down with a heart attack and admitted to hospital

The next day he receives another message:

"Sorry sir spelling mistake, it's not wife but wifi".

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the apologies share jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working apologies sympathy piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes