Apocalypse Jokes

Following is our collection of outbreak humor and mayan one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. They include Apocalypse puns for adults, dirty untreated jokes or clean catastrophe gags for kids.

There is an abundance of revelation jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 43 funniest jokes on apocalypse. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any armageddon witze you can hear about apocalypse.

The Best jokes about Apocalypse

So what if I don't know what "apocalypse" means.

It's not like it's the end of the world

Where do you go during a zombie apocalypse?

The living room.

What do you call a stock market crash in Japan?

The "My Yen" Apocalypse

If there's ever a zombie apocalypse, I really hope it starts in Vegas

Because what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas.

As soon as the Zombie Apocalypse hits

I'm grabbing a sledgehammer and heading down to the local cemetery for the greatest game of Whack-A-Mole ever.


Back to the Drawing Board

(after the Apocalypse)

God: *sigh* "Ok. This time I'm going to make them all the same color.

Everyone was laughing at me yesterday for not knowing what apocalypse means

But I guess it's not the end of the world.

Zombie Apocalypse has begun...

Man, it's hectic out there. I've killed like 6 zombies already. How's everyone else holding up? Anyone know why they all have bags of candy?

I met a horse who keeps talking about the apocalypse.

He told me the end is neigh.

What is considered an apocalypse by a zombie?

A Necrophiliac outbreak

Eclipse is when earth is between sun and moon, what is it called when sun is between earth and moon ?

Apocalypse

P.S . My 11 yr old nephew said this and I found it very funny


Imagine being in Walmart during the zombie apocalypse

On one side are lumbering, fat things with mucus coming out there nose dragging themselves across the ground and on the other side are zombies

After the apocalypse, in cannibalistic Germany,

"Kindergarten" takes on a new, darker meaning.

What did the clock do to the ruler during the apocalypse?

Desperate times called for desperate measures.

It's really easy to survive a zombie apocalypse

It's a no-brainer

What do you call a cripple in a zombie apocalypse?

Meals On Wheels!

I have had it with apocalypse jokes with the eclipse.

They keep coming like there is no tomorrow.

I asked the hotel checkout girl, "Do you provide turndown service?"

She said, "Sure. I wouldn't go out with you if you were the last guy on earth after the zombie apocalypse and your saliva contained the antidote."

What do you call a zombie apocalypse in Wisconsin?

Parmageddon


Where should you go in the event of a zombie apocalypse?

Old folks home. Nobody has teeth to bite you!

I bought a gun and a box of bullets just in case civilization collapses. I may not survive the apocalypse...

But I'll be damned if my ex is going to.

Why aren't Hungarians worried about the prospect of starving in a Zombie apocalypse?

Well there will always be Ghoul hash.

What do you call a homogenous mixture formed immediately before the apocalypse?

The Final Solution.

After the apocalypse I went to the doctor and he told me I had a B12 deficiency.

Then he asked if I had any meat in my diet.

"Yeah, but I only eat vegans."

Why are Biblical scholars nervous about Donald Trump's pick for VP?

Because according the Book of Revelations, the arrival of the apocalypse will first be signaled by Trump-Pence.

GF said she wouldnt have sex on the night of the Mayan Apocalypse...

...so I guess T. S. Eliot was right.

What is the name of the phenomenon where the Sun is between the Earth and the Moon?

Apocalypse

Why hasn't the zombie apocalypse happened already?

Someone's really been dragging their feet on that.

I just watched a movie following a black man in a zombie apocalypse.

It was the shortest movie I've ever watched.

Fred doesn't know what apocalypse means..

Fred: I don't know what apocalypse means.

Bob: What! That's crazy!

Fred: So what if I don't know what apocalypse means, it's not the end of the world.

Jesus is celebrating Father's Day in 2020 like

Hey Dad! Hope you like it, I got you the Apocalypse 2020!!!

In the event of a zombie apocalypse, how's first to lose his job?

a necromancer

I told my friend that he would probably survive a zombie apocalypse.

Only the dumbest zombies go for Brians.

Did you hear about the marine veterinarian who stopped the zombie apocalypse and operated on a terminally ill sea cow?

People say she was Hugh manatee's only hope.

The Walking Dead

Even in the apocalypse black guys end up behind bars!

A lunar eclipse is when the earth is between the earth and moon. A solar eclipse is when the moon is between the earth and the sun

Apocalypse is when the sun is between the earth and the moon

They really planned it all along... Cats are destroying the world. Their operation is called:

Apocalypse Meow

During a zombie apocalypse, where is the safest place to be?

Washington DC. There aren't any brains.

If a zombie apocalypse ever happened the world would end up having only zombies

and blondes

TIL that the safest place during a massive zombie apocalypse is China.

Because they have a One-Zombie policy.

I used to scoff at the people preparing for the zombie apocalypse, thinking they were irrational alarmists

but then I had an encounter with corporate management and I now fear it may be too late.

The one place to should head to straight away during a zombie apocalypse on a cruise ship.

A salad bar.

I survived a zombie apocalypse by wearing a MAGA hat

The zombies thought I had no brain to eat

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

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