Apocalypse Jokes

68 apocalypse jokes and hilarious apocalypse puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about apocalypse that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Make light of the zombie apocalypse with these hilarious apocalypse jokes! Get ready to laugh and chuckle at these puns and jokes about preppers, a totality outbreak and more. Perfect for any zombie lover looking for a chuckle.

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Funniest Apocalypse Short Jokes

Short apocalypse jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The apocalypse humour may include short end of the world jokes also.

  1. Why is the deep south US the safest place to relocate during the zombie apocalypse? Toothless zombies can't bite.
  2. Beware of BMW owners during the zombie apocalypse. They'll never tell you when they're turning.
  3. As soon as the Zombie Apocalypse hits I'm grabbing a sledgehammer and heading down to the local cemetery for the greatest game of Whack-A-Mole ever.
  4. If there's ever a zombie apocalypse, I really hope it starts in Vegas Because what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas.
  5. Back to the Drawing Board (after the Apocalypse)
    God: *sigh* "Ok. This time I'm going to make them all the same color.
  6. Apparently I have catastrophically misunderstood what "apocalypse" means all this time. Oh well. It's not the end of the world.
  7. Everyone was laughing at me yesterday for not knowing what apocalypse means But I guess it's not the end of the world.
  8. My friend was shocked when I told him I don't know what the word apocalypse means. I said Relax. It's not the end of the world.
  9. Zombie Apocalypse has begun... Man, it's hectic out there. I've killed like 6 zombies already. How's everyone else holding up? Anyone know why they all have bags of candy?
  10. You know why there's Four Horsemen in the Apocalypse? Because they can't afford any gasoline!

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Apocalypse One Liners

Which apocalypse one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with apocalypse? I can suggest the ones about climax and revelation.

  1. So what if I don't know what "apocalypse" means. It's not like it's the end of the world
  2. Where do you go during a zombie apocalypse? The living room.
  3. So what if I don't know what's an apocalypse? It's not the end of the world
  4. What do you call a cripple in a zombie apocalypse? Meals On Wheels!
  5. How do you kiss someone at the end of the world? On the apocalypse.
  6. What is considered an apocalypse by a zombie? A Necrophiliac outbreak
  7. I met a horse who keeps talking about the apocalypse. He told me the end is neigh.
  8. People are making apocalypse jokes... like there's no tomorrow!!
  9. What's the best state to be in during a nuclear apocalypse? Vegetative
  10. What do you call paraplegics in a post-apocalypse? meals on wheels
  11. It's really easy to survive a zombie apocalypse It's a no-brainer
  12. What do you call a zombie apocalypse in Wisconsin? Parmageddon
  13. Apocalypse cheese I bought some apocalypse cheese. It said best before the end.
  14. The Walking Dead Even in the apocalypse black guys end up behind bars!
  15. In the event of a zombie apocalypse, how's first to lose his job? a necromancer

Zombie Apocalypse Jokes

Here is a list of funny zombie apocalypse jokes and even better zombie apocalypse puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Imagine being in Walmart during the zombie apocalypse On one side are lumbering, fat things with mucus coming out there nose dragging themselves across the ground and on the other side are zombies
  • what kind of apocalypse would be best for the economy? A zombie apocalypse, because zombies are great consumers!
  • I survived a zombie apocalypse by wearing a maga hat The zombies thought I had no brain to eat
  • Why aren't Hungarians worried about the prospect of starving in a Zombie apocalypse? Well there will always be Ghoul hash.
  • Where should you go in the event of a zombie apocalypse? Old folks home. Nobody has teeth to bite you!
  • Why hasn't the zombie apocalypse happened already? Someone's really been dragging their feet on that.
  • Did you hear about the marine veterinarian who stopped the zombie apocalypse and operated on a terminally ill sea cow? People say she was Hugh manatee's only hope.
  • I told my friend that he would probably survive a zombie apocalypse. Only the dumbest zombies go for Brians.
  • I just watched a movie following a black man in a zombie apocalypse. It was the shortest movie I've ever watched.
  • TIL that the safest place during a massive zombie apocalypse is China. Because they have a One-Zombie policy.
Apocalypse joke, TIL that the safest place during a massive zombie apocalypse is China.

Uproarious Apocalypse Jokes to Have a Laugh Out Loud Good Time

What funny jokes about apocalypse you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean disaster jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make apocalypse pranks.

What do you call a stock market c**... in Japan?

The "My Yen" Apocalypse

GF said she wouldnt have s**... on the night of the Mayan Apocalypse... I guess T. S. Eliot was right.

After the apocalypse, in cannibalistic Germany,

"Kindergarten" takes on a new, darker meaning.

I bought a gun and a box of bullets just in case civilization collapses. I may not survive the apocalypse...

But I'll be d**... if my ex is going to.

I have had it with apocalypse jokes with the eclipse.

They keep coming like there is no tomorrow.

I asked the hotel checkout girl, "Do you provide turndown service?"

She said, "Sure. I wouldn't go out with you if you were the last guy on earth after the zombie apocalypse and your saliva contained the antidote."

Eclipse is when earth is between sun and moon, what is it called when sun is between earth and moon ?

P.S . My 11 yr old nephew said this and I found it very funny

What did the clock do to the ruler during the apocalypse?

Desperate times called for desperate measures.

My teacher asked me, "What is the meaning of Apocalypse"..

I didn't know what it meant, and she got really angry. I mean come one, it's not like it's the end of the world.

During a zombie apocalypse

Normal Zombies: BRAAINNNNSSS!!
Vegetarian Zombies: GRAAINNNNSSS!!
Body Builder Zombies: GAAINNNNSSS!!
Plumber Zombies: DRAAINNNNSSS!!
Conductor Zombies: TRAAINNNNSSS!!
Weatherman Zombies: RAAINNNNSSS!!
Gamer Zombies: GAMMMMESSS!!
Depressed Zombies: PAINNNNSSS!!
Batman Zombie: BANNNNEEE!!

What do you call a r**... apocalypse?


Woman is standing on the balcony rails

She is ready to jump as her husband is standing next to her. She says
-Im a sick of this world and you
The kids are horrible and do not let me sleep
I live in a horrible flat and everything is broken
I don't have any money for myself
And God d**... stop pushing me Carl!
(I again believe this might have been already seen by more people than*(edit thanks to @apocalypse) I would like to)

I used to fear the robot apocalypse

But now, after seeing how dangerous s**... people can be...
I'll take artificial intelligence over no intelligence any day.

Got accosted by a bunch of guys proclaiming the end is nigh…

First one was positive for covid, the second one had laryngitis, next one a s**...'s cough and the last one had a sore t**...…
I think they were the Four hoarse men of the apocalypse.

I was watching a horror movie about the Apocalypse.

It took me 5 minutes to realise I was on the news channel.

A _solar_eclipse is when the moon is between the Earth and the Sun. A _lunar_ eclipse is when the earth is between the Moon and the Sun. What's it called when the sun is between the moon and the earth?

The apocalypse…

Apocalypse joke, My friend was shocked when I told him I don't know what the word  apocalypse  means.

jokes about apocalypse