Uproarious Apocalypse Jokes to Have a Laugh Out Loud Good Time
What do you call a stock market c**... in Japan?
The "My Yen" Apocalypse
GF said she wouldnt have s**... on the night of the Mayan Apocalypse...
...so I guess T. S. Eliot was right.
Zombie Apocalypse has begun...
Man, it's hectic out there. I've killed like 6 zombies already. How's everyone else holding up? Anyone know why they all have bags of candy?
In the event of a zombie apocalypse, how's first to lose his job?
a necromancer
I just watched a movie following a black man in a zombie apocalypse.
It was the shortest movie I've ever watched.
The Walking Dead
Even in the apocalypse black guys end up behind bars!
If there's ever a zombie apocalypse, I really hope it starts in Vegas
Because what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas.
What do you call a cripple in a zombie apocalypse?
Meals On Wheels!
After the apocalypse, in cannibalistic Germany,
"Kindergarten" takes on a new, darker meaning.
Apocalypse cheese
I bought some apocalypse cheese. It said best before the end.
Where do you go during a zombie apocalypse?
The living room.
You can explore apocalypse outbreak reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean apocalypse untreated dad jokes. There are also apocalypse puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
I met a horse who keeps talking about the apocalypse.
He told me the end is neigh.
Why are Biblical scholars nervous about Donald Trump's pick for VP?
Because according the Book of Revelations, the arrival of the apocalypse will first be signaled by Trump-Pence.
I just bought 4 years worth of popcorn
Because apocalypse or not i'll be Eating mouthfuls.
What do you call a disabled person during a zombie apocalypse?
Meals on wheels...
So what if I don't know what "apocalypse" means.
It's not like it's the end of the world
I bought a gun and a box of bullets just in case civilization collapses. I may not survive the apocalypse...
But I'll be d**... if my ex is going to.
Fred doesn't know what apocalypse means..
Fred: I don't know what apocalypse means.
Bob: What! That's crazy!
Fred: So what if I don't know what apocalypse means, it's not the end of the world.
What do you call a homogenous mixture formed immediately before the apocalypse?
The Final Solution.
As soon as the Zombie Apocalypse hits
I'm grabbing a sledgehammer and heading down to the local cemetery for the greatest game of Whack-A-Mole ever.
What is considered an apocalypse by a zombie?
A Necrophiliac outbreak
I have had it with apocalypse jokes with the eclipse.
They keep coming like there is no tomorrow.
I asked the hotel checkout girl, "Do you provide turndown service?"
She said, "Sure. I wouldn't go out with you if you were the last guy on earth after the zombie apocalypse and your saliva contained the antidote."
Back to the Drawing Board
(after the Apocalypse)
God: *sigh* "Ok. This time I'm going to make them all the same color.
Everyone was laughing at me yesterday for not knowing what apocalypse means
But I guess it's not the end of the world.
It's really easy to survive a zombie apocalypse
It's a no-brainer
Eclipse is when earth is between sun and moon, what is it called when sun is between earth and moon ?
Apocalypse
P.S . My 11 yr old nephew said this and I found it very funny
Imagine being in Walmart during the zombie apocalypse
On one side are lumbering, fat things with mucus coming out there nose dragging themselves across the ground and on the other side are zombies
After the apocalypse I went to the doctor and he told me I had a B12 deficiency.
Then he asked if I had any meat in my diet.
"Yeah, but I only eat vegans."
Where should you go in the event of a zombie apocalypse?
Old folks home. Nobody has teeth to bite you!
A lunar eclipse is when the earth is between the earth and moon. A solar eclipse is when the moon is between the earth and the sun
Apocalypse is when the sun is between the earth and the moon
Why aren't Hungarians worried about the prospect of starving in a Zombie apocalypse?
Well there will always be Ghoul hash.
I told my friend that he would probably survive a zombie apocalypse.
Only the dumbest zombies go for Brians.
I used to scoff at the people preparing for the zombie apocalypse, thinking they were irrational alarmists
but then I had an encounter with corporate management and I now fear it may be too late.
If a zombie apocalypse ever happened the world would end up having only zombies
and blondes
During a zombie apocalypse, where is the safest place to be?
Washington DC. There aren't any brains.
They really planned it all along... Cats are destroying the world. Their operation is called:
Apocalypse Meow
I survived a zombie apocalypse by wearing a MAGA hat
The zombies thought I had no brain to eat
TIL that the safest place during a massive zombie apocalypse is China.
Because they have a One-Zombie policy.
What is the name of the phenomenon where the Sun is between the Earth and the Moon?
Apocalypse
Why hasn't the zombie apocalypse happened already?
Someone's really been dragging their feet on that.
Did you hear about the marine veterinarian who stopped the zombie apocalypse and operated on a terminally ill sea cow?
People say she was Hugh manatee's only hope.
What do you call a zombie apocalypse in Wisconsin?
Parmageddon
What did the clock do to the ruler during the apocalypse?
Desperate times called for desperate measures.
Jesus is celebrating Father's Day in 2020 like
Hey Dad! Hope you like it, I got you the Apocalypse 2020!!!
My teacher asked me, "What is the meaning of Apocalypse"..
I didn't know what it meant, and she got really angry. I mean come one, it's not like it's the end of the world.
People are making apocalypse jokes...
like there's no tomorrow!!
During a zombie apocalypse
Normal Zombies: BRAAINNNNSSS!!
Vegetarian Zombies: GRAAINNNNSSS!!
Body Builder Zombies: GAAINNNNSSS!!
Plumber Zombies: DRAAINNNNSSS!!
Conductor Zombies: TRAAINNNNSSS!!
Weatherman Zombies: RAAINNNNSSS!!
Gamer Zombies: GAMMMMESSS!!
Depressed Zombies: PAINNNNSSS!!
Batman Zombie: BANNNNEEE!!
What do you call a r**... apocalypse?
Armagit-r-done
How do you kiss someone at the end of the world?
On the apocalypse.
What's the best state to be in during a nuclear apocalypse?
Vegetative
Woman is standing on the balcony rails
She is ready to jump as her husband is standing next to her. She says
-Im a sick of this world and you
The kids are horrible and do not let me sleep
I live in a horrible flat and everything is broken
I don't have any money for myself
And God d**... stop pushing me Carl!
(I again believe this might have been already seen by more people than*(edit thanks to @apocalypse) I would like to)
So what if I don't know what's an apocalypse?
It's not the end of the world
I used to fear the robot apocalypse
But now, after seeing how dangerous s**... people can be...
I'll take artificial intelligence over no intelligence any day.
Why is the deep south US the safest place to relocate during the zombie apocalypse?
Toothless zombies can't bite.
Got accosted by a bunch of guys proclaiming the end is nigh…
First one was positive for covid, the second one had laryngitis, next one a s**...'s cough and the last one had a sore t**...…
I think they were the Four hoarse men of the apocalypse.
You know why there's Four Horsemen in the Apocalypse?
Because they can't afford any gasoline!
Apparently I have catastrophically misunderstood what "apocalypse" means all this time. Oh well.
It's not the end of the world.
what kind of apocalypse would be best for the economy?
A zombie apocalypse, because zombies are great consumers!
I was watching a horror movie about the Apocalypse.
It took me 5 minutes to realise I was on the news channel.
Beware of BMW owners during the zombie apocalypse.
They'll never tell you when they're turning.
