The Best 65 Anytime Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Anytime jokes. There are some anytime discretion jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these anytime ever puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Anytime Jokes and Puns

I bet my friend $50 I could have sex with any girl anytime I wanted. Easy $50!

I named my dog 'any girl'.

So I have this friend who's addicted to drinking brake fluid...

but he tells me not to worry, he can stop anytime he wants.

Oh man, I've got this mate thats addicted to drinking brake fluid.

He thinks he can stop at anytime.

Anytime joke, Oh man, I've got this mate thats addicted to drinking brake fluid.

I just poked myself in the eyes...

I can't see myself doing that again anytime soon.

I have a friend that's a recovering kleptomaniac

anytime his symptoms start acting up, he takes something.

Did you hear about the mechanic who was addicted to brake fluid?

He said he could stop at anytime.

I work at a dealership, this guy there is addicted to brake fluid

but he says he can stop at anytime!

Anytime joke, I work at a dealership, this guy there is addicted to brake fluid

Have you heard about all the decapitations happening in the Middle East right now?

I certainty won't beheading their anytime soon!


Did you hear about all the students who are using brake fluid to get high?

The teachers aren't too worried about it. The students can stop anytime.

You know it's good when moan and your legs won't stop shaking.

Stretching, that is. You can do it anytime of the day and it still feels good.

Why aren't there any female butchers?

Because anytime they touch meat it turns to bone.

You can explore anytime intimacy reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean anytime whomever dad jokes. There are also anytime puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

Have you heard the joke about the guy addicted to brake fluid?

He says he can stop anytime.

Why will Church's chicken be losing money?

Because I don't see black people going to church's anytime soon

I'm afraid that my best friend is developing an addiction to brake fluid.

I've called him out on it, but he says he can stop anytime.

Making an analogy that references itself is like good word play.

You don't do it anytime you want. You have to have a good reason to go metaphor.

Screw anyone

A man walks into a bar. He sees a good looking, smartly dressed woman perched on a bar stool.

He walks up behind her and says: "Hi there good looking, how's it going?"

She turns around, faces him, looks him straight in the eye and says: "Listen, I'll screw anybody, anytime, anywhere, your place, my place, it doesn't matter. I've been doing it ever since I got out of college. I just flat out love it."

He says: "No kidding?, I'm a lawyer too! What firm are you with?"

Anytime joke, Screw anyone

I just met a guy addicted to brake fluid.

However, he was adamant that he could stop anytime.

I know this guy that's hooked on brake fluid

He said he could stop anytime.

So, my feminist cousin is diabetic and recently, her legs were amputated... to say, she won't be jumping to conclusions anytime soon.

I don't understand why Taylor Swift has removed all of her music from streaming services

You can stream Taylor Swift anytime you want just by turning on the radio

Girl, I'm like a pomegranate.

Cause you can eat my seeds anytime.

Husband: What would you do if i won the lottery?

Wife: I'd take half and leave.
Husband: Well here's $6 and you can start packing anytime now.

A man walks into a bar..

...and sees a gorgeous woman nursing a drink. Walking up behind her he says: "Hi there, good lookin'. How's it going?" Having already downed a few power drinks, she turns around, faces him, looks him straight in the eye and says: "Listen up, buddy. I screw anybody, anytime, anywhere, your place, my place, in the car, front door,back door, on the ground, standing up, sitting down, naked or with clothes on,dirty, clean... It just doesn't matter to me. I've been doing it ever since I got out of college and I just flat-ass love it." Eyes now wide with interest, he responds: "No kidding. I'm a lawyer too. What firm are you with?"

I think my friend is addicted to drinking brake fluid

He says he can stop anytime he wants

I was in bed with my wife when

I was in bed with my wife when she asked "I've been with you for 3 years. Can we discuss starting a family anytime soon?" I laughed and responded "Having a baby? At your age? That's impossible!" Obviously offended, she retorted "I'm not that old!" I chuckled. "Of course not sweetie, you haven't even hit puberty yet."

Doctor, doctor, I'm addicted to brake fluid!

Nonsense, you can stop anytime you want

I called the cops on two guys who were gonna start fighting anytime

Turns out they were just having a conversation in Italian

Anytime a man holds the car door open for a woman, one thing is for sure,

either the car is new, or the woman.

I know a guy addicted to drinking brake fluid...

I'm worried about him, but he insists he can stop anytime.

"Jimmy, I think you have a brake fluid problem."

"No I don't! I can stop anytime I want!"

I was thinking of doing yoga

So I rang the local leisure centre and they asked me "are you flexible?"
I said "yes I can do anytime except for Tuesday's"

Dear God,

If you want us to impeach Trump, just give us a sign. Like blot out the sun. Anytime in the next week.



So I'm in a bar the other day and the guy next to me was drinking brake fluid, I said "you know that stuffs no good for you?!"

He said, "its fine, I can stop anytime"

A man is on his way home from work...

He gets stuck in traffic. So he calls his wife and says "Honey, im stuck in traffic right now, and it doesn't look like it wil be clearing up anytime soon. Im probably gonna be late." So the wife says, "Ok, baby, but be careful. I heard on the news that there is a crazy driver driving on the wrong side of the freeway." The man replies: "One driver? There are hundreds of them!"

The Justice League has a vacancy and the number 7 is interviewing to fill a superhero position...

Batman: Thank you for coming, 7. Its been rough since the Flash took off and we're having a hard time finding someone to replace him. Let's get right to it. What is your first power?

Number 7: Well, for my whole life I've been in prime condition and I don't anticipate that changing anytime soon.

Bathman: That's great to hear. What do you consider your second power to be?

Number 7: 49

an employee asked me if they could clock out

i replied "you can clock out anytime you like, but you can never leave!"

As a young man, I used to love my birthday parties

, but now anytime my birthday candles are lit state law requires that a fire extinguisher be present.

I've decided to join Anytime Fitness

Because I like to dress up as a 12th century Viking Warrior when I work out.

I really don't like Saudi Arabia's human rights record.

I won't beheading there anytime soon.

I'm addicted to brake fluid

But it's not so bad, i can stop anytime!

How not to forget your girlfriend's birthday gift. Ever.

BF: Babe, look what I have got you! Spotify premium, now you can listen to our favourite love songs, anywhere, anytime, without ads!

GF: Yay! Is it for my birthday this year ?

BF: No, it's for your birthday every year!

My friend has become addicted to brake fluid ...

He claims he can stop anytime.

Anytime I bring something new in the house my dog always has to sniff and inspect what it is..

And I realized that dogs can be pretty nosy.

What do we want?

"Time machines!"

When do we want them?

"Well, anytime is fine."

When you throw away your receipt before leaving Costco

You can check out anytime you like, but you can never leave

Would you guys mind if I made anime jokes?

Good, cause I'm not stopping my danganron-puns anytime soon!

I learned from experience that the thing girls want most from life is security.

Anytime I approach one of them, they usually yell, Security!

Im addicted to brake fluid

I thought I could stop anytime

I once knew someone addicted to drinking breaking fluid

He insisted he could stop anytime

My dad's religious

Anytime he sees my mom's cooking, he looks up at the sky and moans "Oh my god, not again!"

Anytime I hear a mean joke about Canadians, I immediately go to the hospital to get my feelings checked.

For free.

The cute Verizon wireless girl asked if I was married

I said I was on the upgrade anytime plan.

I can quit gambling anytime

I made a bet with my friends about it

A yoga instructor ends every class with a mediation, allowing people lay down and relax before slowly filing out for the night. A half hour passes and the instructor is surprised to see one man remain in her studio.

Annoyed, she walks over to him and asks if he plans on leaving anytime soon .
The man takes a deep, meditative breath and calmly replies, Nah, Imma stay .

"Dad, can you help me with my homework?"

"Sure son"

"What are 5 animals that live in the ocean?"

"3 whales and two dolphins"

"Thanks dad"


Seeing all these drivers looking at their phones is so infuriating, how irresponsible can you be while driving?

Anytime I see one of them in traffic it totally kills my high.

I got addicted to brake fluid...

... but I can stop anytime I want.

There are 3 phases of sex in a marriage.

1. First 5 years - House sex (Anytime / Anywhere)
2. 5 to 15 years - Bedroom sex (only in the bedroom)
3. 15 years plus - Hallway sex (You walk past your partner in the hallway and say 'Fuck you')

It may strike anytime now

I threw a boomerang several years ago.
Now I live in constant fear

I'm addicted to procrastination

But I can start anytime I want

I got asked during a job interview if I was responsible.

I yes.

When asked to provide examples, I said anytime something broke, or a shipment went out late, I told them I was responsible.

A joke I made for my fellow Nick's out there :

Don't ask me for 5 cents anytime soon...

because I'm Nicholas.

What do you call a table whose design can be changed at anytime?


A mate of mine just told me that he has been drinking brake fluid!

I told him how dangerous that is and how it could kill him if he keeps it up, but he said he can stop anytime he likes.

I'm addicted to brake fluid

It's ok I can stop anytime I want

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the anytime easily jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working anytime anticipate piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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