The Best 65 Anytime Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Anytime jokes. There are some anytime discretion jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these anytime ever puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 Funniest Anytime Jokes and Puns

I bet my friend $50 I could have sex with any girl anytime I wanted. Easy $50!

I named my dog 'any girl'.

So I have this friend who's addicted to drinking brake fluid...

but he tells me not to worry, he can stop anytime he wants.

Oh man, I've got this mate thats addicted to drinking brake fluid.

He thinks he can stop at anytime.

I just poked myself in the eyes...

I can't see myself doing that again anytime soon.

jokes about anytime

I have a friend that's a recovering kleptomaniac

anytime his symptoms start acting up, he takes something.

Did you hear about the mechanic who was addicted to brake fluid?

He said he could stop at anytime.

I work at a dealership, this guy there is addicted to brake fluid

but he says he can stop at anytime!

Anytime joke, I work at a dealership, this guy there is addicted to brake fluid

Did you hear about all the students who are using brake fluid to get high?

The teachers aren't too worried about it. The students can stop anytime.

You know it's good when moan and your legs won't stop shaking.

Stretching, that is. You can do it anytime of the day and it still feels good.

Why aren't there any female butchers?

Because anytime they touch meat it turns to bone.

Have you heard the joke about the guy addicted to brake fluid?

He says he can stop anytime.

You can explore anytime intimacy reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean anytime whomever dad jokes. There are also anytime puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

Making an analogy that references itself is like good word play.

You don't do it anytime you want. You have to have a good reason to go metaphor.

Screw anyone

A man walks into a bar. He sees a good looking, smartly dressed woman perched on a bar stool.

He walks up behind her and says: "Hi there good looking, how's it going?"

She turns around, faces him, looks him straight in the eye and says: "Listen, I'll screw anybody, anytime, anywhere, your place, my place, it doesn't matter. I've been doing it ever since I got out of college. I just flat out love it."

He says: "No kidding?, I'm a lawyer too! What firm are you with?"

I just met a guy addicted to brake fluid.

However, he was adamant that he could stop anytime.

I know this guy that's hooked on brake fluid

He said he could stop anytime.

Husband: What would you do if i won the lottery?

Wife: I'd take half and leave.
Husband: Well here's $6 and you can start packing anytime now.

Anytime joke, Husband: What would you do if i won the lottery?

A man walks into a bar..

...and sees a gorgeous woman nursing a drink. Walking up behind her he says: "Hi there, good lookin'. How's it going?" Having already downed a few power drinks, she turns around, faces him, looks him straight in the eye and says: "Listen up, buddy. I screw anybody, anytime, anywhere, your place, my place, in the car, front door,back door, on the ground, standing up, sitting down, naked or with clothes on,dirty, clean... It just doesn't matter to me. I've been doing it ever since I got out of college and I just flat-ass love it." Eyes now wide with interest, he responds: "No kidding. I'm a lawyer too. What firm are you with?"

I think my friend is addicted to drinking brake fluid

He says he can stop anytime he wants

I was in bed with my wife when

I was in bed with my wife when she asked "I've been with you for 3 years. Can we discuss starting a family anytime soon?" I laughed and responded "Having a baby? At your age? That's impossible!" Obviously offended, she retorted "I'm not that old!" I chuckled. "Of course not sweetie, you haven't even hit puberty yet."

Doctor, doctor, I'm addicted to brake fluid!

Nonsense, you can stop anytime you want

I called the cops on two guys who were gonna start fighting anytime

Turns out they were just having a conversation in Italian

Anytime a man holds the car door open for a woman, one thing is for sure,

either the car is new, or the woman.

I know a guy addicted to drinking brake fluid...

I'm worried about him, but he insists he can stop anytime.

"Jimmy, I think you have a brake fluid problem."

"No I don't! I can stop anytime I want!"

Dear God,

If you want us to impeach Trump, just give us a sign. Like blot out the sun. Anytime in the next week.

Thanks,

America.

So I'm in a bar the other day and the guy next to me was drinking brake fluid, I said "you know that stuffs no good for you?!"

He said, "its fine, I can stop anytime"

Anytime joke, So I'm in a bar the other day and the guy next to me was drinking brake fluid, I said "you know that

The Justice League has a vacancy and the number 7 is interviewing to fill a superhero position...

Batman: Thank you for coming, 7. Its been rough since the Flash took off and we're having a hard time finding someone to replace him. Let's get right to it. What is your first power?

Number 7: Well, for my whole life I've been in prime condition and I don't anticipate that changing anytime soon.

Bathman: That's great to hear. What do you consider your second power to be?

Number 7: 49

an employee asked me if they could clock out

i replied "you can clock out anytime you like, but you can never leave!"

As a young man, I used to love my birthday parties

, but now anytime my birthday candles are lit state law requires that a fire extinguisher be present.

I've decided to join Anytime Fitness

Because I like to dress up as a 12th century Viking Warrior when I work out.

I really don't like Saudi Arabia's human rights record.

I won't beheading there anytime soon.

I'm addicted to brake fluid

But it's not so bad, i can stop anytime!

How not to forget your girlfriend's birthday gift. Ever.

BF: Babe, look what I have got you! Spotify premium, now you can listen to our favourite love songs, anywhere, anytime, without ads!

GF: Yay! Is it for my birthday this year ?

BF: No, it's for your birthday every year!

My friend has become addicted to brake fluid ...

He claims he can stop anytime.

When you throw away your receipt before leaving Costco

You can check out anytime you like, but you can never leave

I learned from experience that the thing girls want most from life is security.

Anytime I approach one of them, they usually yell, Security!

I once knew someone addicted to drinking breaking fluid

He insisted he could stop anytime

Anytime I hear a mean joke about Canadians, I immediately go to the hospital to get my feelings checked.

For free.

The cute Verizon wireless girl asked if I was married

I said I was on the upgrade anytime plan.

I can quit gambling anytime

I made a bet with my friends about it

A yoga instructor ends every class with a mediation, allowing people lay down and relax before slowly filing out for the night. A half hour passes and the instructor is surprised to see one man remain in her studio.

Annoyed, she walks over to him and asks if he plans on leaving anytime soon .
The man takes a deep, meditative breath and calmly replies, Nah, Imma stay .

"Dad, can you help me with my homework?"

"Sure son"

"What are 5 animals that live in the ocean?"

"3 whales and two dolphins"

"Thanks dad"

"Anytime"

I got addicted to brake fluid...

... but I can stop anytime I want.

There are 3 phases of sex in a marriage.

1. First 5 years - House sex (Anytime / Anywhere)
2. 5 to 15 years - Bedroom sex (only in the bedroom)
3. 15 years plus - Hallway sex (You walk past your partner in the hallway and say 'Fuck you')

It may strike anytime now

I threw a boomerang several years ago.
Now I live in constant fear

I'm addicted to procrastination

But I can start anytime I want

I got asked during a job interview if I was responsible.

I yes.

When asked to provide examples, I said anytime something broke, or a shipment went out late, I told them I was responsible.

A joke I made for my fellow Nick's out there :

Don't ask me for 5 cents anytime soon...

because I'm Nicholas.

What do you call a table whose design can be changed at anytime?

Editable.

A mate of mine just told me that he has been drinking brake fluid!

I told him how dangerous that is and how it could kill him if he keeps it up, but he said he can stop anytime he likes.

I'm addicted to brake fluid

It's ok I can stop anytime I want

The doctors said I could touch myself anytime I wanted to.

The dr, you could have a stroke any time.

I have an addiction to brake fluid.

The good news is I can stop anytime I want.

The doctor said I can touch myself whenever I want.

That's what "You can have a stroke at anytime" means, right?

I got some black and white tattoos done in shapes a few years ago, and anytime my wife gets upset she just lies on me and colours them in...

I guess sometimes, she just needs a shoulder to crayon.

Credit u/HugoZHackenbush2

a professional pickup line

A guy walks into a bar and sees a beautiful woman sitting by herself at the bar. He sits next to her and, before he can say a word, she turns to him and says, "I'll screw anybody, anytime, anywhere, for any reason." "What a coincidence," he replies. "I'm a lawyer, too."

Sean Connery had his dog trained

He got the dog to do all kinds of tricks. Roll over, do a flip, fetch certain items, but anytime he tried to get the dog to sit, it would defecate on the floor.

My kid throws the linen off his bed anytime he has a nightmare.

He's scared sheetless.

When my kids were toddler age anytime we went outside they would always tell me to put their shoes on for them.

Every single time my response was, "I can't put your shoes on. They don't fit me."

I would laugh, they would glare. It was good times. Hopefully some of you with toddlers get as much mileage out of this one as I did.

I told my mate he should cut down on drinking brake fluid

He said: 'I can stop anytime I like'

My friend thinks I am addicted to hydraulic fluid

But I know I can stop anytime.

I'm sorry, I won't be buying ingredients for soup anytime soon

The stock market is terrible

My wife doesnt like that i drink brake fluid, i tell her

I can stop anytime

Did you hear about the guy who was addicted to running red lights?

He knew he had a problem, but he told me he could *stop anytime*.

My wife and I have decided we don't want kids, after all.

If somebody out there does, we can bring them by tomorrow, anytime after 3 PM.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the anytime easily puns are supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working anytime anticipate piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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