A reptile dysfunction.
I would not have to sell cocaine anymore.
I just did and apparently I'm not allowed on this airline anymore...
On the floor was a note saying, "I can't stand the critism anymore."
I quickly cut him down, gave him CPR and he started to breathe.
As he lay in my arms I saw his eyes slowly open and I said, "That's not how you spell criticism."
It's almost as if they have become trans-parent.
Guess that's what I get for buying a pure bread dog...
1. Steve
Son: Well would you talk to someone who is stupid, uses drugs and is an alchocolic?
Mom: Of course not.
Son: Well neither would he.
Employee : Sir, you called me?
Boss : Yeah, I need you to go to the rest room and masturbate.
Employee : (After a few minutes) Done, sir. Anything else that you'd like me to do?
Boss : Do it again.
Employee : (after a few minutes) Done again, sir. Anything else?
Boss : Do it once more.
Employee : I'm really sorry sir, but I don't have any stamina left now. I can't do it anymore.
Boss : Very good, here are my car
keys, drop my daughter home.
just dim down the lights and put on a couple horror movies. After a while, you won't feel like you are alone anymore.
Well he said I should not have McDonalds anymore, but I know what he meant.
Guess who's not allowed in my tree house anymore.
Terrorist: "Say your last words!"
Dad: "Your last words!"
Terrorist: "What? ugh, you Americans. Be serious!"
Dad: "Okay, I'll be Sirius. Who are you going to be?"
Terrorist: "Stop. Why isn't this scaring your?"
Dad: "Nothing really scares me anymore; not since I saw that monster henway."
Terrorist: "What's a 'henway'"?
Dad: "About a pound and a half."
Terrorist: "Stop! I'm serious!"
Dad: "Hi Sirius! I'm Dad!"
I opened the fridge. The light came on, the beer was cold.
What the hell is she talking about?
"It's not working. I can't take it anymore. I am going to my mom's place."
I opened the fridge.
The light came on.
The beer was cold...
What the hell did she mean?
Guess I won't be needing those anymore.
You understand it better, but it dies in the process.
See what I did there was use the frog as an analogy to show that exposing the inner workings of a joke would essentially deprive it of its life in that it's not funny anymore. I'm drawing a parallel (and so is E. B. White) to how you basically kill a frog when dissecting it to better understand the functioning of its inner body parts, since there is now little left in the joke to laugh at.
*
On the floor he had left a note saying, "I can't stand the critism anymore."
I quickly cut him down, gave him CPR and he started to breathe.
Laying in my arms, his eyes slowly opening, I said:
"You spelled criticism wrong."
Me: I've been playing poker with some blokes.
Wife: Playing poker with some blokes? You can pack your bags and fucking leave.
Me: So can you sweetheart; this ain't our fucking house anymore!
A woman playing Golf hit a man nearby. He put his hands together between his legs. Fell on the ground & rolled around in pain. She rushed to him & offered to relieve his pain as she was a Doctor.
Reluctantly he agreed.
She gently took his hands away. Unzipped his pants & put her hands inside.
She massaged him tenderly for a few minutes & asked: "How does it feel?"
He replied: "Feels great but I still think my thumb is broken"
i will never fall asleep with my mouth open anymore.
Son: Well, would you be friends with someone who was stupid, took drugs and was drunk all the time?
Mom: No, Never!
Son: Well neither would he!
But I don't have the balls to do that anymore.
I'm a 26 year old one.
...you'll just get called a racist for supporting him.
They can't do money shots anymore
Wife: "I got a bag full of clothes i don't wear anymore. I want to donate them."
Husband: "Why do you want to donate them? Just throw them away."
Wife: "There are poor starving people, who might need some clothes that weren't worn a lot."
Husband: "Women who fit in your clothes are not starving."
Guess I can't go on tumblr anymore.
The second one says, "I'll also have a glass of water. Why are you referring to it so strangely. We're not at work anymore."
The first scientist goes into the bathroom and cries. His assassination attempt has failed.
She was busted for conch-traband.
It's not working. I can't take it anymore. I'm going to mum's. it said.
I opened the fridge. The light came on. The beer was cold. What the fuck is she talking about?
My girlfriend left a note on the fridge: "It's not working. I can't take it anymore. I am going to my mom's place."
I opened the fridge. The light came on. The beer was cold... What the hell is she talking about?
Won't beheading there anymore
Well now that I'm older I don't fall for that rubbish anymore, thank God.
...I'm not really sure how I feel about it
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