Following is our collection of wouldnt humor and now one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. They include Anymore puns for adults, dirty ads jokes or clean nope gags for kids.
There is an abundance of girlfriend jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 73 funniest jokes on anymore. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any critism witze you can hear about anymore.
A reptile dysfunction.
I would not have to sell cocaine anymore.
On the floor was a note saying, "I can't stand the critism anymore."
I quickly cut him down, gave him CPR and he started to breathe.
As he lay in my arms I saw his eyes slowly open and I said, "That's not how you spell criticism."
It's almost as if they have become trans-parent.
She replied, "don't feel bad, it's not your fault!"
Guess that's what I get for buying a pure bread dog...
1. Steve
Son: Well would you talk to someone who is stupid, uses drugs and is an alchocolic?
Mom: Of course not.
Son: Well neither would he.
just dim down the lights and put on a couple horror movies. After a while, you won't feel like you are alone anymore.
Well he said I should not have McDonalds anymore, but I know what he meant.
Guess who's not allowed in my tree house anymore.
Terrorist: "Say your last words!"
Dad: "Your last words!"
Terrorist: "What? ugh, you Americans. Be serious!"
Dad: "Okay, I'll be Sirius. Who are you going to be?"
Terrorist: "Stop. Why isn't this scaring your?"
Dad: "Nothing really scares me anymore; not since I saw that monster henway."
Terrorist: "What's a 'henway'"?
Dad: "About a pound and a half."
Terrorist: "Stop! I'm serious!"
Dad: "Hi Sirius! I'm Dad!"
Guess I won't be needing those anymore.
You understand it better, but it dies in the process.
See what I did there was use the frog as an analogy to show that exposing the inner workings of a joke would essentially deprive it of its life in that it's not funny anymore. I'm drawing a parallel (and so is E. B. White) to how you basically kill a frog when dissecting it to better understand the functioning of its inner body parts, since there is now little left in the joke to laugh at.
*
A woman playing Golf hit a man nearby. He put his hands together between his legs. Fell on the ground & rolled around in pain. She rushed to him & offered to relieve his pain as she was a Doctor.
Reluctantly he agreed.
She gently took his hands away. Unzipped his pants & put her hands inside.
She massaged him tenderly for a few minutes & asked: "How does it feel?"
He replied: "Feels great but I still think my thumb is broken"
Son: Well, would you be friends with someone who was stupid, took drugs and was drunk all the time?
Mom: No, Never!
Son: Well neither would he!
My insanely witty five-year-old, ladies and gentlemen:
Step-daughter: "I'm hungry."
Me: "Nice to meet you, hungry, I'm dad."
Her: "Ahhhhgh could you not say that anymore?"
Me: "Aw why not, sweets?"
Her: "Because I don't like it when you call me names like hungry or thirsty or anything!"
Me: "Alright, I'm not going to say that anymore."
Her: "Nice to meet you, not going to say that anymore."
I had just been out-dad-joked by my five-year-old. It was so unexpected, and was the first time I think I recognized how hilarious she was with her wit. I really miss her (because of a divorce, not a funeral).
I'm a 26 year old one.
...you'll just get called a racist for supporting him.
Wife: "I got a bag full of clothes i don't wear anymore. I want to donate them."
Husband: "Why do you want to donate them? Just throw them away."
Wife: "There are poor starving people, who might need some clothes that weren't worn a lot."
Husband: "Women who fit in your clothes are not starving."
Guess I can't go on tumblr anymore.
The second one says, "I'll also have a glass of water. Why are you referring to it so strangely. We're not at work anymore."
The first scientist goes into the bathroom and cries. His assassination attempt has failed.
She was busted for conch-traband.
Won't beheading there anymore
Well now that I'm older I don't fall for that rubbish anymore, thank God.
...I'm not really sure how I feel about it
I mean, I have no idea where pizzas live in the wild
After a week of this she can't stand it anymore, takes her complaint to a Supervisor in the personnel department and asks to file a sexual harassment grievance against him.
The Human Resources supervisor is puzzled, and asks: What's threatening about a co-worker telling you your hair smells nice?
The woman replies: It's Frank, the midget.
Prostitute: "it's too wide, the guys don't like it anymore, I wanna make it tighter"
Doctor: "no problem, but I have to see it first"
She undresses and shows him.
Doctor: "What's this?" "What's this?" "What's this?"
Prostitute: "Why'd you say it 3 times?"
Doctor: "I said it once but the rest echoed"
Because days of fuchsia passed
I bought a second hand time machine next Tuesday. They don't make them like they're going to anymore.
Like me, who just yesterday beat up a volcano
They wouldn't turn me down anymore.
An auto worker storms into his union leader's office. "I have a really pesky booger in my nostril, and management won't get us anymore tissue boxes!!" he shouts.
The union manager calmly responds: "Maybe you should picket."
Because we're not allowed to own people anymore.
and all of a sudden she is not your friend anymore.
I can't see an end.
I have no control.
I don't think there's any escape.
I don't even have a home anymore.
Time for a new keyboard.
I had to put my foot down
I won't smoke any less either though.
A scientist yelled at a crab and it ran away. Then he cut of its legs and yelled at it again. And suddenly the crab didn't run away anymore.
A dead epileptic
Except for my lamp. It won't talk to me anymore.
Therapist: So, what seems to be the problem?
Wife: I can't take it anymore. I can't live with him making Star Wars puns all the time.
Me: Divorce is strong with this one.
...finds his seat and sees an elderly fellow in the next row with an empty seat beside him. They get to chatting and he asks if the seat is taken:
"Not anymore. My wife and I used to go to all the games together, but she died. This is the first game I've been to since!"
"Oh, I'm so sorry. Couldn't you give the ticket to a friend, or a family member?"
"Nah. They're all at the funeral."
and he says, "God, we can now clone humans, make life, and take care of ourselves and we don't need you anymore."
God laughed and said: "You think? So show me, how you can make humans and life!"
The scientist agreed, reached down, grabbed a full hand of soil to start making his human, when God promptly stops him and says, "Whoa not so fast, use your own dirt."
Wife: What did he say?
Bob: You're fired
I keep seeing the same jokes on here
It is one job where....
Either i'm right.
Or suddenly its not my problem anymore.
Is that my mistakes pile up until the point I cant do anything about them anymore
Last night she said she doesn't think we should see each other anymore.
So the sharks aren't hungry anymore.
You can't even say "black paint" anymore.
You have to say "Tyrone, paint that wall".
I didn't even know it was her birthday!
Apparently parking zones disease is a real thing.
...so I sent him a card, "Get well soon."
Now I have to say "Tyrone please paint the fence."
I'm moving the fridge to my room.
...until he found a way to overcome this problem.
His friends noticed the dramatic change.
"You don't seem to be worried about anything anymore."
"I hired a professional worrier for $1000.00 a week, Tom replied.
'I haven't had a single problem since."
"A thousand a week," said Doug. "You can't afford that, how are you going to pay him?"
"Tom replied, "That's his problem."
You can't even say black paint anymore, instead you have to say "Lamar can you please paint the fence".
An old man is walking in the hospital and talks to himself:
-aquarius?... no, no no... was it gemini?... naaah...
young doctor cant stand it anymore and walks to him:
-cancer grandpa, you got cancer!
I told him to grow a pear.
Because I couldn't raise them anymore.
It's like beating a dead horse and i don't want to give him anymore video ideas.
On one hand, it's pretty good. On the other hand, it's a little awkward.
Soon thereafter, they had a baby Transformer. But at that moment when they had a baby, they suddenly could not be seen anymore.
They had become Transparents.
You can't even say "Black paint" anymore, you have to say "Jamal would you please kindly help me paint my fence."
Because his wife won't let him use socks anymore.
I guess that's the last time I buy a pure bread dog.
A blonde was tired of all the abuse she received because she was blond so she decided to hang herself on a tree in a field.
A man walked by and saw what was happening, approached her he asked, "What are you doing?"
She replied, "I'm going to kill myself because I can't take the abuse anymore."
The man, confused, said, "Why are you hanging by your feet? Aren't you supposed to tie the rope around your neck."
She said, "I tried that but I couldn't breathe."
Now I have to say "Leroy can you please paint the fence?"
...when suddenly he started laughing vigorously.
"What's so funny?" Asked the co-pilot.
The captain answered: "I'm just imagining their faces when they realize I'm not there anymore"
Unfortunately, they're a bunch of sore losers and won't play it with me anymore.
The politically correct term is: "Jamal, get on my ship."
Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.