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Any Slower Jokes

60 any slower jokes and hilarious any slower puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about any slower that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Funniest Any Slower Short Jokes

Short any slower jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The any slower humour may include short slower jokes also.

  1. Who do Egyptians pray to when the public transportation breaks down? Anubis
    (If you don't get it, say it slower.)
  2. The speed of sound is much slower than the speed of light. This is why some people seem bright before you hear them talk.
  3. Studies have shown that married men live longer than single men... So if you want a longer life, and a slower death, just get married.
  4. If my Sky Internet gets any slower by the time this video has downloaded the girl in it will be legal.
  5. Ever noticed that anyone driving slower than you is an idiot…? …And everyone driving faster than you is a maniac?
  6. As technology gets lighter, thinner, and faster... People get heavier, thicker, and slower.
  7. Your momma is so fat.... Every time you walk around her your watch is three seconds slower.
  8. Who's faster than Christopher Walken? Christopher Runnen
    Who's slower?
    Christopher Crawlen
  9. I heard wired connections are faster... So I poured some coffee on my router and now it's even slower...Do I need a another java update?
  10. Sound is slower than light... That's why some people appear to be smart before they open their mouth

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Any Slower One Liners

Which any slower one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with any slower? I can suggest the ones about slow people and slower than.

  1. What country is slower than Iran? Iwalk.
  2. Why do Irish websites load slower than the others? ...
    Because their domain name is .ie
  3. what's 5 times slower than a blue van? a blue van with stilts
  4. You're slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter.
  5. There is nothing stronger than love... Except Rayleigh, Rayleigh is slower but stronger
  6. Why do photons travels slower through water? They having a float-on. it very good
  7. Pedophiles lobby for slower speed limits at school zones
  8. Why is Simba slower that his dad? Because his papa mufasa.
  9. I usually have s**... in the freezer. My daughter seems to decompose slower in there.

Any Slower Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.

What funny jokes about any slower you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean faster jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make any slower pranks.

A old woman took a package to the post office to mail and was told it would cost $3.

95 for fast delivery or $2.30 for slower service.
“There is no hurry,” she told the clerk, “just so the package is delivered in my lifetime.”
He glanced at her and said, “That will be $3.95, please.”

Never hypothetically ask yourself if the person in front of you can go any slower, because the answer is yes.

A priest, a doctor, and a mathematician...

are playing golf, and they notice that the group ahead of them is playing slower than any group they've seen before. So when the owner of the course walks by, they ask why the group ahead of them were going so slowly. The owner says, "Oh, this is a group of volunteer firemen who lost their sight while saving our course from a r**... fire last year; we let them play for free."
The priest says, "I'll have my congregation pray for them."
The doctor says, "I'll do my best to get them a good surgeon."
The mathematician says, "Why don't they play at night?"

A joke.

A man was driving when he saw the flash of a traffic camera. He figured that his picture had been taken for exceeding the limit, even though he knew that he was not speeding. Just to be sure, he went around the block and passed the same spot, driving even more slowly, but again the camera flashed. Now he began to think that this was quite funny, so he drove even slower as he passed the area again, but the traffic camera again flashed. He tried a fourth time with the same result. He did this a fifth time and was now laughing when the camera flashed as he rolled past, this time at a snail's pace. Two weeks later, he got five tickets in the mail for driving without a seat belt.

So a girl is stuck babysitting her little brother...

When she finally gets him to bed on the bottom bunk of his bunk-bed, she decides to invite her boyfriend over so that they can have a little fun together. To avoid her parents walking in on her, she takes her boyfriend and they get up on the top bunk of her little brothers bed, being careful to not wake him up. She says to her boyfriend
"I don't want my brother to hear us saying anything that may be inappropriate so when I want you to go faster I'll say 'lettuce' and when I want you to go slower I'll say 'tomato'"
So they're going at it-
"LETTUCE! TOMATO" LETTUCE LETTUCE LETTUCE! TOMATO LETTUCE"
When her little brother wakes up and says,
"HEY! Can you guys STOP! You're getting mayonnaise all over me!"

Sawing Wood

So a gentleman walks into a Sears store to buy a saw. The store employee recommends to the customer a smal entry level chainsaw insisting that it will make the man's job much easier. The customer is reluctant at first but upon being assured that anyone can use a chainsaw he decides to make the purchase. So he took his new saw home and started cutting wood. But it took forever and was much slower than his trusty old hand saw. Irate, the man took his saw back to the store to complain to the employee about how bad it was. The employee checks the saw out briefly, sets it down and starts it right up. The customer was flabbergasted. "You mean it turns on and makes noise!"

Camping!

John and his girlfriend were going to go camping for the week. On his way out of the the door, John's little brother yelled, "wait for me!" John told his brother to go back inside, but his girlfriend insisted on taking him. John turned to his brother and said, "OK, but we get top bunk when we get to the cabin." His little brother agreed and they left for the campground.
When night came John, his girlfriend and his little brother went to bed. While in bed John turned to his girlfriend and said, "I'm in the mood, do u want to do it?" his girlfriend replied "your little brother is right under us, he will hear us!" John than tells her "I have an idea, when you want me to go faster, say lettuce. And when you want me to go slower, say tomato." She agreed and started doing the dirty deed. All night night John's little brother kept hearing "lettuce, lettuce, tomato, lettuce, tomato, tomato, lettuce, lettuce!" After an hour John;s brother jumps up and screams "GUYS STOP MAKING SANDWICHES, YOU'RE GETTING MAYONNAISE ALL OVER ME!"

A man walks into a hardware store

A man walks into a hardware store and asks the clerk for a faster way to cut down trees. "My axe isn't cutting it anymore, it's just too slow," he says.
The clerk looks around for a bit and comes back with a chainsaw. "Here, this might be what you want." The man says, "Oh yeah, I've heard of those! I'll take it!" So the clerk rings him up.
The man comes back the next day, holding the same chainsaw. "Hey, I think there's something wrong with the saw you sold me yesterday," he says. "I tried it out last night and it's even slower than my axe!"
The clerk takes it from him and looks it over. "Well, there doesn't seem to be anything wrong with it..." He pulls the starter cord and the chainsaw starts running.
The man jumps a bit and says, "Wait, what's that noise?"

Five old ladies in a car . . .

Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding drivers, a State Police Officer sees a car puttering along at 22 MPH. He thinks to himself, this driver is just as dangerous as a speeder!" So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver over.
Approaching the car, he notices that there are five old ladies -- two in the front seat and three in the back -- wide eyed and white as ghosts.
The driver, obviously confused, says to him, "Officer, I don't understand, I was doing exactly the speed limit! What seems to be the problem?"
"Ma'am," the officer replies, "you weren't speeding, but you should know that driving slower than the speed limit can also be a danger to other drivers."
"Slower than the speed limit? No sir, I was doing the speed limit exactly... Twenty-two miles an hour! "The old woman says a bit proudly.
The State Police officer, trying to contain a chuckle explains to her that 22" was the route number, not the speed limit. A bit embarrassed, the woman grinned and thanked the officer for pointing out her error. But before I let you go, Ma'am, I have to ask... Is everyone in this car OK? These women seem awfully shaken and they haven't muttered a single peep this whole time," the officer asks.
"Oh, they'll be all right in a minute officer. We just got off Route 119."

Police and Old Women

Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding drivers, a State Police Officer sees a car puttering along at 22 MPH. He thinks to himself, this driver is just as dangerous as a speeder! So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver over.
Approaching the car, he notices that there are five old ladies -- two in the front seat and three in the back -- wide eyed and white as ghosts.
The driver, obviously confused, says to him, "Officer, I don't understand, I was doing exactly the speed limit! What seems to be the problem?"
"Ma'am," the officer replies, "you weren't speeding, but you should know that driving slower than the speed limit can also be a danger to other drivers."
"Slower than the speed limit? No sir, I was doing the speed limit exactly...twenty-two miles per hour!", the old woman says a bit proudly.
The State Police officer, trying to contain a chuckle explains to her that 22 was the route number, not the speed limit. A bit embarrassed, the woman grinned and thanked the officer for pointing out her error. "But before I let you go, Ma'am, I have to ask... is everyone in this car okay? These women seem awfully shaken and they haven't muttered a single peep this whole time," the officer asks.
"Oh, they'll be all right in a minute officer. We just got off Route 119."
**(I dont make this joke. One of my best friend made this)**

A blonde, brunette, and a red head...

So a blonde, brunette,and a red head are each forced to kill their husbands and dispose of the corpse. They all kill their victim and have the responsibility of disposing of the body so they all throw the body in the trunks of their cars. Now, they each have to drive to the location where they can safely dispose of the body. The red head gets in her car and decides she'll drive in the left lane since that's the fast lane, so she can go fast, get to the location quickly, and dispose of the body. A cop pulls her over for going too fast, she gets a ticket but gets back on her way to get rid of the body, no problem. Brunette gets into her car decides she'll drive in the right lane since that's the lane with slower traffic, to not look suspicious. Cop pulls her over for driving too slow and impeding traffic, gives her a ticket but she continues on her way, no problem. Blonde gets into her car decides to drive in the HOV lane since she never sees anyone there it'll be a smooth ride to the location. Cop pulls her over for driving in the HOV lane with only person. Cop writes her a ticket for that, blonde reads the ticket and says "No, officer, I'm not the only person in the car I have my husband in the trunk.
Made it up myself not the best but I think it is OC

A fancy sports car gets pulled over by a cop

-You've exceeded the speed limit by driving 75 mph!
-Officer, here, take these 300 bucks and buy yourself a decent radar. I never drive slower than 100 mph!

Sitting on the highway waiting to catch speeders, a state police officer saw a car puttering along at 22 MPH.

Sitting on the highway waiting to catch speeders, a state police officer saw a car puttering along at 22 MPH. He thinks to himself, that car is just as dangerous as a speeder. So, he turns his lights on and pulls the car over. Approaching the car, he notices there are 5 old ladies, two at the front and 3 at the back, wide eyed and looking like ghosts.
The driver obviously confused said, "Officer, I don't understand, I wasn't doing over the speed limit!, What seems to be the problem?" "Ma'am," the officer said, "you should know that driving slower than the speed limit can also be dangerous". "Slower than the speed limit? NO SIR! I was doing exactly 22 miles an hour", the old woman said proudly.
The officer containing a chuckle explains that 22 was the route number, not the speed limit. A bit embarrassed, the woman grinned, thanking the officer for pointing out her error. "Before I go Ma'am, I have to ask, is everyone OK?
These women seem badly shaken and haven't uttered a word all this time" "Oh! they will be alright in a minute, Officer, we just got off Route 142."

Speeding Drivers

Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding drivers, a State Police Officer see's a car puttering along at 22 MPH.
He thinks to himself, "This driver is just as dangerous as a speeder!"So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver over.
Approaching the car, he notices that there are five old ladies, two in the front seat and three in the back, wide eyed and white as ghosts.
The driver, obviously confused, says to him, "Officer, I don't understand, I was doing exactly the speed limit! What seems to be the problem?"
"Ma'am," the officer replies, "You weren't speeding, but you should know that driving slower than the speed limit can also be a danger to other drivers."
"Slower than the speed limit? No sir, I was doing the speed limit exactly twenty-two miles an hour!" the old woman says a bit proudly.
The State Police officer, trying to contain a chuckle explains to her that "22" was the route number, not the speed limit.
A bit embarrassed, the woman grinned and thanked the officer for pointing out her error.
"But before I let you go, Ma'am, I have to ask... Is everyone in this car OK? These women seem awfully shaken and they haven't muttered a single peep this whole time," the officer asks.
"Oh, they'll be all right in a minute officer. We just got off Route 142."

Making a sandwhich

So one day a family are checking into a hotel. There is a lack of rooms so they have to make do with one with a bunkbed. The mum and dad are on the top bunk and their son, the bottom
So late at night, the son wakes up to his parents saying things. They had code words for s**... and the mum said tomato for faster and lettuce for slower. Eventually the boy shouts up to his parents
"mum dad, stop making sandwichs, you're getting mayonnaise all over me"^(I'm Sorry)

What's the difference between a h**..., a lover and a housewife?

A h**... says "Faster! faster!"

A lover says "Slower....slooower..."

A housewife says "Beige. I think I'll paint the ceiling beige."

Yo momma so fat,

the closer you get to her, the slower time passes for you in relation to an observer outside her gravitational pull.

Valve time slower than thought

Researchers have calculated that it takes longer than expected for radioactive fluids with a half-life of 3 years to pass through valves. Reason unknown.

A priest, a doctor, and an engineer go golfing

They get stuck behind a group of golfers who seemed to be moving slower than usual.
One of the country club members explains to them that this is a group of blind men who lost their eyesight as firefighters. The country club allows them to use the course once a year free of charge.
The priest immediately chimes in and says, "I am going to pray for these men everyday in my church to help their well being."
The doctor then exclaims, "I am going to get the best medical care in the country to research a possible way to help these men."
The engineer then says, "Why don't they just golf at night?"

Yo Momma's so fat...

she moves slower than her metabolism.
(Just an insult that popped into my head a while ago)

What did the Tomatodad say to the Tomatoson when he was slower than him when crossing the road?

"Son, you're like dogshit, always in the middle of the road.

s**... with me is like a ferris wheel:

Slower Than You Hoped, Full Of Clunky Stops And A Carny Watches To Make Sure You Don't Get Off.

Speeder

A man was driving when he saw the flash of a traffic camera. He figured that his picture had been taken for exceeding the limit, even though he knew that he was not speeding. Just to be sure, he went around the block and passed the same spot, driving even more slowly, but again the camera flashed. Now he began to think that this was quite funny, so he drove even slower as he passed the area again, but the traffic camera again flashed. He tried a fourth time with the same result. He did this a fifth time and was now laughing when the camera flashed as he rolled past, this time at a snail's pace.
Two weeks later, he got five tickets in the mail for Driving without a seat belt.

Politics is like driving

No matter which lane you're in, anyone moving faster than you is a maniac and anyone going slower is a m**....

My boyfriend wanted a t**... with Dwayne Johnson.

It was fun, but I wish we had gone a little slower with it, because I found myself between a Rock and a hard place pretty quickly.

The difference between a Lover,a h**... and a Wife?

During s**..., h**... scream faster, faster! Lover screams slower, slower!
A wife looks at the ceiling and says BLUE! I'll paint the ceiling blue.

A guy takes a girl back to his parents house to have s**......

The only problem is, he shares a bunk-bed with his younger brother. Reluctantly, they decide to proceed -- but he gives her the code words "lettuce" for faster, and "tomato" for slower.
As the two get into it, the boy hears "lettuce! tomato! lettuce! tomato!" coming from the top bunk. He yells out, "Guys! Stop making sandwiches, the mayo is getting all over me!"

An officer pulls over a car with 5 elder women on the freeway.

Approaching the car he notices the women in the back of the car are pale white and wide eyed.
The women was visibly confused about being pulled over and asked, Why was I pulled over I was going exactly 22 mph?
The officer tells her she wasn't speeding but she was going a lot slower than the speed limit.
She responds I was going the exact speed limit 22 MPH.
He laughs and says the that was the route number and not the speed limit.
The women smiled out of embarrassment and thanked the officer.
Just before the officer walked off he asked if everyone is ok in the car.
The women responds, They will be in a minute. We just got off route 119.

The president is walking down a narrow hallway

Mitch McConnell was walking down the hallway in the same direction but, being half-tortoise, was moving far slower.
Trump pushes past him, shouting, "Get outta my way!"
McConnell says, "Pardon me, Mr. President."
Trump stops and turns around. "I didn't know you worked on my campaign. What did they get you for?"

After hearing repeated complaints from the schoolkids that the bus driver drove too fast and recklessly, the teachers decide to investigate.

The next morning two of the teachers sit in the bus the bus throughout its entire route, dropping off the kids to school and back. They found that the bus driver actually drove at a reasonable speed, perhaps a bit on the fast side but nothing complaint worthy.
As the last kid is dropped off home from school, she asks, "How come you drove slower today?"
"I lost my glasses," the bus driver replied. "I can't see a thing without them."

Why do s**... offenders never get speeding tickets?

Because they always drive slower in school zones

What's the difference between an idiot and a m**...?

An idiot is someone who drives faster than you... a m**... is someone who drives slower.