Laughable Anxiously Jokes for Instant Grins & Giggles
"Am I mentioned in the will?" the nephew asked anxiously.
"You certainly are" , replied the lawyer.
Right here in the third paragraph your uncle says:
To my niece Sarah I bequeath a hundred thousand dollars,
to my cousin Janice fifty thousand dollars,
and to my nephew Charles, who was always curious to know if he was mentioned in my will, I say "Hi, Charles"
Graveyard shortcut
A man's car breaks down in the middle of the night. He knows the area well and realizes that the quickest way to the nearest service station is through an old graveyard.
He's walking along the headstones when in the distance he hears a faint tapping noise. As he gets deeper into the graveyard, the eerie tapping gets louder and louder. He very anxiously turns a corner and sees the source of the tapping is an old man with a hammer and chisel, hunched over a headstone.
Relief washes over him and he says, "I was beginning to freak out because of that noise. I thought this place might have been haunted. What on earth are you doing here so late at night anyway?"
The old man merely continues chiseling and says "They spelled my name wrong."
A woman is pregnant with twins.
A woman is pregnant with twins. During her last month of pregnancy, she falls into a coma. When she wakes up, the doctor tells her that she had a girl and a boy, and that her brother claimed them until she came to. Immediately, she panics at the thought of her brother supervising her newborns.
"What did he name them?" She asks anxiously.
"He named the girl Denise", the doctor says.
That's not too bad, she thought, relieved. "What did he name my son?"
"Denephew."
A woman is at the doctor's office, anxiously awaiting the results of a test.
The doctor says, "You appear to have vasovagal syncope."
She fainted.
Family members anxiously await news outside of the ICU
Dr Schrodinger :" there's good news and there's bad news."
"What do you mean by that?" Asks the wife.
Dr Schrodinger *takes a look inside* : " I'm afraid your husband is dead."
wife *sobbing* : "But then what's the good news?"
Dr Schrodinger: "What good news?"
The Marriage,,,
Paula, a mother was anxiously awaiting her daughter
Janet's plane to land. Janet had just come back from abroad trying to find
adventure during her gap year. As Janet was exiting the plane, Paula
noticed a man directly behind her daughter dressed in feathers with exotic
markings all over his body and carrying a shrunken head.
Janet introduced this man as her new husband.
Paula gasped out loud in disbelief and disappointment and screamed, "I
said for you to marry a rich Doctor .... a rich Doctor!"
Higgs Boson walks into a church during Sunday services...
...and the priest immediately stops preaching and says "We dont like your kind around here. You are not welcome in this church.". The whole church, already silent, waits anxiously when Higgs replies "Why not? You can't have mass without me!"
Homecomeback
It was the annual homecoming dance at the local high school gym. Most of the young folk were out on the dance floor but a few young men and women lined the sides of the gym, hoping for a dance partner to ask them out onto the dance floor. After waiting anxiously for quite a while, a rather awkward freshman finally got up the nerve to ask a pretty junior for a dance at the homecoming. She gave him the once-over and said, "Sorry, I won't dance with a child." "Please forgive me," responded the underclassman. "I didn't realize you were pregnant."
A woman sees the news, and anxiously calls her husband.
He picks it up,
Matthew, are you driving home from work?
Yes! At least I'm trying!
Well be careful out there. There's some idiot on the interstate going in the wrong direction.
Honey... everyone's going in the wrong direction!"
When Joe, a nice man married for over 50 years died, his wife, Myrtle was devastated.
A couple of months later, Myrtle also died
Once in heaven, Myrtle anxiously looked for Joe. Suddenly, behind a Cloud, she could clearly see him with another woman.
She ran towards him, calling his name, "Joe. Darling, Joe"
Joe said, "Hold your horses woman, and don't give me that 'darling' s\*\*t. The deal was very clear: 'Until death do us part'."
A Man Goes to the Doctor
A cancer patient anxiously awaits his doctor, who enters with his test results.
Give it to me straight, doc, he pleads. How long have I got?
Ten, says the doctor.
Ten what? Months? Days? Years? The patient cries.
Oh, I'm sorry, the doctor continues. That was my wife on Bluetooth, asking how many eggs we need. Your cancer is in remission and you should lead a long healthy life.
The patient, ecstatic, runs out into the street, where he is promptly hit by a bus and killed.
You can explore anxiously cautiously reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean anxiously eagerly dad jokes. There are also anxiously puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
Knock Knock
A man is sitting at home watching TV when he hears a knock at the door. Begrudgingly, he hits pause on the remote and makes his way to the door. Once at the door, he hears a woman's voice from outside.
Woman: Knock knock!
Man: Who's there?
Woman: Cliffhanger.
Man: Cliffhanger who?
The man stood at the door for hours, anxiously awaiting a response, but there was none.
4 men sit anxiously outside the maternity unit ...
... as they await news on their wives' who are having babies
The English one says, "My first son was born on St George's Day, so I named him George."
The Scotsman added, "My first son was born on St Andrew's Day, and I decided to name him Andrew."
The Welshman said, "My boy was born on St David's Day, and I just had to call him David!"
The Irishman spoke up, "Ah, sure, it was just the same with our Pancake!"
A reverend assembles the whole neighborhood for a meeting. After everyone has sat anxiously, he says "You are probably wondering what I'm going to be speaking on"
"Im going to be speaking on a stage."
A man is sitting in the doctor's office...
A man is anxiously waiting in the doctor's office.
When the doctor arrives, he looks at the patient's chart and says " Sir, you need to stop m**...".
Confused the man asks "why?"
The doctor replies..."I need to examine you".
A thirsty vampire is walking along in a deserted town...
when he sees another vampire with blood all over his mouth and yells:
"Hey! where did you get that blood?!!"
The other vampire replies:
"See that traffic light over there?"
"Yes I do!" he exclaims anxiously
"Well, I didn't" says the other vampire
A black piece of tarmac is having a quiet drink at the pub...
...when the door bursts open and a red piece of tarmac comes storming in loud and aggressively.
The piece of black tarmac turns to the barman anxiously: *"Don't even think about serving him!"*
*"Why not?"*, the barman asks.
*"Isn't it obvious? He's a freaking cycle path!"*
I was diagnosed with cancer today.
Anxiously, I asked the doctor if I needed a chemo. "No worries," he calmed me down, "it's terminal."
You can tune a piano...
But you can't tuna fish!
sorry to disappoint the people that were anxiously waiting for an i**... joke.....
