Anxiety Jokes

114 anxiety jokes and hilarious anxiety puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about anxiety that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Anxiety Jokes: 15 Funny One-Liners to Help Ease Your Stress If you're looking for a laugh to help ease your anxiety, look no further than these 15 funny one-liners.

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Funniest Anxiety Short Jokes

Short anxiety jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The anxiety humour may include short anxious jokes also.

  1. My boyfriend left me because of my anxiety issues... Oh, wait. He just went to the kitchen to grab some coffee.
  2. Why did the mexican start taking anti anxiety meds? He was taking them for hispanic attacks
  3. I used to suffer from depression but through hard work, persistence, and never giving up I now suffer from anxiety and depression
  4. I've been trying to put a finger on what's causing my anxiety... But my boss doesn't like to be touched.
  5. Being a comedian is really bad for my anxiety Whenever I'm on stage people keep laughing at me
  6. A man with anxiety accidentally annoyed the cartel He began seeing a psychiatrist because of hispanic attacks.
  7. I carry a notice with me to let other people know about my anxiety disorder. It's my social insecurity card
  8. Some people drink right before flying to deal with preflight anxiety. [I drink ALOT the night before. I'm so hungover, dying doesn't seem that bad of an idea.]
  9. My wife just left me because of my anxiety and paranoia. Nevermind, she just returned from the shops.
  10. What do you call the anxiety you feel when you're in a maze of buildings? A complex complex complex

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Anxiety One Liners

Which anxiety one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with anxiety? I can suggest the ones about depression and fear.

  1. My Mexican uncle takes anti-anxiety medication It's for Hispanic attacks
  2. Do you suffer from anxiety that an intruder may be hiding in your room? You're not alone.
  3. Maybe if I fall in love with my anxiety it'll leave me too.
  4. My Mexican friend takes anti-anxiety medication Its for Hispanic attacks.
  5. My boyfriend just left me because I have anxiety attacks.
  6. I actually overdosed on anxiety pills a few minutes ago I'm not too worried about it
  7. My boyfriend left me for my anxiety issues....
  8. What do you call an English teacher who used to have anxiety? Past tense.
  9. Why did the dumpling refuse to go on a date? It was “filled” with anxiety!
  10. My Mexican uncle takes anti anxiety pills. They're to stop Hispanic attacks
  11. My boyfriend just left me because of my anxiety disorder!
  12. Why did the Mexican take anti-anxiety medication? For Hispanic attacks.
  13. I want to join an anxiety club... But I'm afraid they won't accept me.
  14. Whoever took my anxiety medication I'm worried about you
  15. "The only thing we have to fear is fear itself." -FDR "Exactly." -everyone with anxiety

Social Anxiety Jokes

Here is a list of funny social anxiety jokes and even better social anxiety puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • As someone with social anxiety, I must say ... Er, uhm ... Uuuh, I'll send you a text later.
  • What game do two strangers with Social Anxiety play? Don't Break the Ice
  • There was a social anxiety convention No one showed up.
  • What animal do psychiatrists bring in to mental hospitals to help patients with social anxiety? Squirrels; they're the best at getting nuts out of their shells.
  • Because of my social anxiety, I prefer to do things with very little people around me. It makes me feel better being taller than everyone else.
  • Only 90's kids will get this! Crippling depression and social anxiety
  • Social anxiety is tough when you're trying to flirt with your ceramics teacher. I can't help but think I make a bad first impression.
  • There was a massive social anxiety awareness rally recently Nobody showed up
  • "Hello everyone to social anxiety anonymous" "I see no one has come and I have to say I am very disappointed."
  • If you have social anxiety... You see the world through fear goggles

Anxiety Attacks Jokes

Here is a list of funny anxiety attacks jokes and even better anxiety attacks puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Why did the Mexican start taking anti anxiety medicine Because of his panic attacks
  • Why did the spanish take his anti-anxiety pills ? For hispanic attacks.
  • Why does Donald Trump take anxiety medication? For Hispanic attacks
  • How to get revenge on your dangerous mexican boss Steal his anxiety medication that stops hispanic attacks
  • What do you call a Spanish guy having an anxiety attack? Hispanic.
  • What happens to a girl with anxiety when she sees a Spanish person? She has a hispanic attack
  • My sister is always having anxiety attacks. She's a total crisis.
  • What happens when a p**... has an anxiety attack? He gets uncontrollable thots.
Anxiety joke, What happens when a p**... has an anxiety attack?

Anxiety And Depression Jokes

Here is a list of funny anxiety and depression jokes and even better anxiety and depression puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • I have the three D's Depression, anxiety, and dyslexia.
  • What kind of pastry is known to cause depression and anxiety?
  • What's the emotional equivalent of speed balling Anxiety and depression.
  • A Russian doctor is treating his patient. *"Take this for insomnia... take this for depression... and take this for anxiety."*
    *"Thank you Doctor, but do you have any other medicine besides v**...?"*
Anxiety joke, A Russian doctor is treating his patient.

Witty Anxiety Jokes for Laughter-Filled Fun with Friends

What funny jokes about anxiety you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean distress jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make anxiety pranks.

My collection of meta knock knock jokes (on mobile so bad formatting)

Knock knock|who's there|hallucinations| hallucinations who? | (Walk away)
|||knock knock|who's there|sudden anxiety attack|sudden anxiety attack who?|Sorry am I talking too much?
||| Knock knock|Who's there|Your inability to focus|your inability to focus who|(mouth the words your inability to focus making me quiet but don't actually say it)

I got my medical m**... card because I have terrible anxiety

over where I'm going to get my next bag of w**...

Are you ready kids? AYE AYE CAPTAIN! I can't hear youuuu! AYE AYE CAPTAIN! Ohhhhhh, who lives with a GPA under a C?

Who's living with stress induced anxiety? CO-LLEGE STU-DENTS!
If wanting to drop out is something you wish...CO-LLEGE STU-DENTS
Then take a long nap and watch some Netflix!

I get really bad anxiety when driving over bridges.

My therapist says I have truss issues.

I always wanted to tell jokes...

I always wanted to tell jokes, but I had pretty severe social anxiety. So, I wrote the jokes down on pieces of paper and taped the paper to frisbees. Then I threw the frisbees at passers by so they could read my jokes.
The trouble was, most of them flew right over their heads.

People who use drugs are pathetic. I'm high on life!

Side effects of life are include depression, anxiety, pain both emotional and physical, shortness of breath, physical and mental deterioration, weariness, sleepiness, insomnia, thought of s**..., and misery. Prolonged use may result in death.

Studies show the effects of divorce on young children are complex.

Sadness and anxiety are common, but many are just happy to be single again.

I have 6 mental illnesses

Schizophrenia, OCD, ADHD, dislexia, anxiety, and hypochondria.

Life has never given me lemons

It has given me anger issues, anxiety, stress, a love for alcohol, and a serious dislike for s**... people

Whenever I get high with friends, my anxiety kicks in

I hate rock climbing

I live in the state of CA

Constant Anxiety

A tree with anxiety.

A tree had been filled with anxiety and decides to see a psychologist.
"I just don't know what to do," the tree said. "Every year I feel very anxious during fall and winter."
"Hmm, interesting," the psychologist said, "And how do you feel when spring comes?"
The tree smiles, "Releaved!""

If you are having difficulty explaining your repressed anxiety regarding overengineered buildings..

you might have a complex complex complex complex.

I deal with my anxiety disorder the same way I study for tests.

I don't

What do you call it when a commander becomes nervous?

General anxiety

What do you call a date between someone with ADHD and someone with anxiety?


The doctor diagnosed me with anxiety and constipation.

I was worried shitless.

Now that w**... is legal in California, I don't need my Xanax prescription anymore.

I was always suffering from chronic anxiety I was about to be arrested for i**... possession.

Hey cutie, are you the economy?

Because you're almost as crippling as my student loans and anxiety.

I was born with performance anxiety and fear of failure.

All babies come out crying. I came out like, Am I doing this right?

Last year I founded a Anxiety Society at uni

It ended after the first week when no one showed up

Who is he?

After returning home from their honeymoon, the husband notices a photo of a man on his new wife's bedside table.
At first, he really doesn't give it much thought. But after a month or so he begins to stress about it. It was causing him so much anxiety that he finally decides to ask her about it.
"Is this your ex-husband?" he nervously asks.
"No, silly," she replies, snuggling up to him.
"Another boyfriend, then?" he continues.
"No, not at all," she says, nibbling away at his ear.
"Is it your dad or your brother?" he inquires, hoping to be reassured.
"No, no, no," she answers.
"Well, who in the heck is he, then?" he demands.
"That's me before the surgery."

I heard you like reposts, so here's one from 114 years ago.

The young woman who was boarding at the farmhouse expressed to the farmer her anxiety at the savage way in which the cow regarded her.
It must be on account of that red blouse you've got on, miss, answered the farmer.
Dear me! exclaimed the girl. Of course, it's out of fashion; but I had no idea a country cow would notice it.
(From the London Journal, July 2nd, 1904)

Hey girl, are you a rickety bridge?

Cause youre giving me anxiety.

What do you call a man with a sword and severe anxiety?

A worrier.

My dyslexic brother-in-law eats shellfish for anxiety...

He says it clams him down.

Why Did The Mexican Immigrant Take Xanax?

He Had Borderline Anxiety.

My roommate couldn't remember whether he took his anti anxiety medication or not.

I said, Are you worried about it?

A cop see's a suspicious teenager driving erratically,and pulls him over

The policeman notices the drivers red eyes, and the smell of cannabis on his breath, so asks him if he's been smoking p**...
The teenager says "Yeah, but I've got a prescription for it"
"What's the prescription for? inquires the officer
"Anxiety, but I only get it when a cop pulls me over"

Why do you have anxiety all the time

I'm basically a walking NERVOUS system

A recent survey found that most men prefer eating a fine meal in a restaurant to having s**....

Presumably because they get performance anxiety when diners are watching.

So my friend said she thinks she took too many anxiety pills today

I told her she should worry if she's not feeling anxious about it

Why does the brain experience so much anxiety?

Because it's part of the nervous system

Alcohol Addiction

My anxiety has been in overdrive since the start of the Pandemic. I feel like I need more and more alcohol everyday.
I am going through at least a liter of the hard stuff everyday.
I start using as soon as I wake up and don't stop until I go to bed each night.
My Dr. says I need to slow down now. Even in the short term my addiction is affecting my fertility, damaging my immune system, and dehydrating my skin.
Before the start of the Pandemic, I never would have thought my hands could consume more alcohol than my mouth.

The Felony laws are rediculous...

Three guys were talking about how they ended up in an Arizona prison.
Guy 1: what are you in for?
Guy 2: selling w**... to my 23 year old cousin with anxiety.
Guy 1: I can beat that, I was playing bioshock and the radio in game played some 1950s s**.... I got a copy right strike and here I am.
Guy 3: I got you both beat. I'm in here because my a**... fall asleep in the bathtub.

Why does Satan have social anxiety?

Because he goes through h**... just to say hello

the inventor of the revolving door looked at a perfectly normal door and boldly asked "what if i added social anxiety?"

if i go too slow? surely everyone behind me hates me.
too fast? everyone behind me is in danger.
perfect invention.
let's put them in the busiest buildings.

What's the best way to trigger someone's anxiety?

What? You thought I was going to answer?

I'm writing a book to help surgeons to use Eastern meditation to overcome anxiety in the operating theatre...

I'm going to call it *The Calmer Suture.*

I think I have anxiety, but I don't want to be diagnosed by a doctor

I'm worried if they tell me I don't have it, I would've wasted their time.

Yesterday I was on a Edible Plants and Folk Medicine Nature Walk

The guide noted that St. John's Wort is believed to be useful for mood, including anxiety and depression.
Older woman who keeps asking questions: "There seems to be a lot here, don't the deer eat it?"
Me: "If they did, they might jump in front of cars less."
The naturalist was able to mostly hold back his smile.

What do you call a dinosaur with anxiety?

Nervous Rex

Anxiety joke, What do you call a dinosaur with anxiety?

jokes about anxiety