Anxiety Jokes

Following is our collection of anguish humor and severe one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. They include Anxiety puns for adults, dirty concern jokes or clean anxious gags for kids.

There is an abundance of hypochondria jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 49 funniest jokes on anxiety. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any worry witze you can hear about anxiety.

The Best jokes about Anxiety

I always wanted to tell jokes...

I always wanted to tell jokes, but I had pretty severe social anxiety. So, I wrote the jokes down on pieces of paper and taped the paper to frisbees. Then I threw the frisbees at passers by so they could read my jokes.

The trouble was, most of them flew right over their heads.

Do you suffer from anxiety that an intruder may be hiding in your room?

You're not alone.

My boyfriend left me because of my anxiety issues...

Oh, wait. He just went to the kitchen to grab some coffee.

Maybe if I fall in love with my anxiety

it'll leave me too.

My boyfriend just left me because I have anxiety attacks.

I've been trying to put a finger on what's causing my anxiety...

But my boss doesn't like to be touched.

Being a comedian is really bad for my anxiety

Whenever I'm on stage people keep laughing at me

My boyfriend left me for my anxiety issues....

What do you call an English teacher who used to have anxiety?

Past tense.

I heard you like reposts, so here's one from 114 years ago.


The young woman who was boarding at the farmhouse expressed to the farmer her anxiety at the savage way in which the cow regarded her.

It must be on account of that red blouse you've got on, miss, answered the farmer.

Dear me! exclaimed the girl. Of course, it's out of fashion; but I had no idea a country cow would notice it.

(From the London Journal, July 2nd, 1904)

A Russian doctor is treating his patient.

*"Take this for insomnia... take this for depression... and take this for anxiety."*

*"Thank you Doctor, but do you have any other medicine besides Vodka?"*

A man with anxiety accidentally annoyed the cartel

He began seeing a psychiatrist because of hispanic attacks.

Now that weed is legal in California, I don't need my Xanax prescription anymore.

I was always suffering from chronic anxiety I was about to be arrested for illegal possession.

a guy has a crippling anxiety: he believes himself to be a kernel of corn

he seeks out the help of a therapist, who eventually has the man committed to an asylum. at the asylum, they work with him for months, until finally they have convinced him that he is NOT a kernel of corn, but in fact a man. they sign him out and he walks out the door, but not more than five minutes go by before he comes running back in.

"help! help!" he's screaming, "there's a flock of pigeons in the parking lot - they're going to eat me!"

exasperated, the shrink says to him, "but you have nothing to fear - don't you know you're a man, not a kernel of corn?"

"well of course I know that," he says, "but do the pigeons?"

A tree with anxiety.

A tree had been filled with anxiety and decides to see a psychologist.

"I just don't know what to do," the tree said. "Every year I feel very anxious during fall and winter."

"Hmm, interesting," the psychologist said, "And how do you feel when spring comes?"

The tree smiles, "Releaved!""

I want to join an anxiety club...

But I'm afraid they won't accept me.

Life has never given me lemons

It has given me anger issues, anxiety, stress, a love for alcohol, and a serious dislike for stupid people

Some people drink right before flying to deal with preflight anxiety.

[I drink ALOT the night before. I'm so hungover, dying doesn't seem that bad of an idea.]

My wife just left me because of my anxiety and paranoia.

Nevermind, she just returned from the shops.

Are you ready kids? AYE AYE CAPTAIN! I can't hear youuuu! AYE AYE CAPTAIN! Ohhhhhh, who lives with a GPA under a C?


Who's living with stress induced anxiety? CO-LLEGE STU-DENTS!

If wanting to drop out is something you wish...CO-LLEGE STU-DENTS

Then take a long nap and watch some Netflix!


"The only thing we have to fear is fear itself." -FDR

"Exactly." -everyone with anxiety

I got my medical marijuana card because I have terrible anxiety

over where I'm going to get my next bag of weed

Safety in Snowplows

A blond gets into her car while an incredibly powerful winter storm surrounds her. She starts the car and puts it in drive when suddenly her anxiety sets in. The horrible weather begins to worry her; she fears that she won't ever get home in it.

It's at this time (and through a stroke of luck) she notices a snowplow in the distance up ahead. After a huge sigh of relief she keeps pace with the plow feeling it's safety as it clears the snow in front of her.

Multiple hours pass by when eventually the plow truck pulls over. The driver gets out and approaches her car window. When she rolls it down, he asks: "Why have you been following me for so long? Are you okay?" She replies: "My dad had always told me to follow a snowplow in a blizzard when the roads feel unsafe."
The snowplow driver shrugs his shoulders and replies: "Okay... well I'm finished with this parking lot, I'm heading over to doΒ the one across the street next."

Why do pedophiles have social anxiety?

Because they have a hard time fitting in

Why does the brain experience so much anxiety?

Because it's part of the nervous system

People who use drugs are pathetic. I'm high on life!

Side effects of life are include depression, anxiety, pain both emotional and physical, shortness of breath, physical and mental deterioration, weariness, sleepiness, insomnia, thought of suicide, and misery. Prolonged use may result in death.

I deal with my anxiety disorder the same way I study for tests.

I don't

As someone with social anxiety, I must say ...

Er, uhm ... Uuuh, I'll send you a text later.

So my friend said she thinks she took too many anxiety pills today

I told her she should worry if she's not feeling anxious about it

The doctor diagnosed me with anxiety and constipation.

I was worried shitless.

Why Did The Mexican Immigrant Take Xanax?

He Had Borderline Anxiety.

What game do two strangers with Social Anxiety play?

Don't Break the Ice

Whenever I get high with friends, my anxiety kicks in

I hate rock climbing

What do you call a man with a sword and severe anxiety?

A worrier.

My roommate couldn't remember whether he took his anti anxiety medication or not.

I said, Are you worried about it?

Who is he?

After returning home from their honeymoon, the husband notices a photo of a man on his new wife's bedside table.

At first, he really doesn't give it much thought. But after a month or so he begins to stress about it. It was causing him so much anxiety that he finally decides to ask her about it.

"Is this your ex-husband?" he nervously asks.

"No, silly," she replies, snuggling up to him.

"Another boyfriend, then?" he continues.

"No, not at all," she says, nibbling away at his ear.

"Is it your dad or your brother?" he inquires, hoping to be reassured.

"No, no, no," she answers.

"Well, who in the heck is he, then?" he demands.

"That's me before the surgery."

My dyslexic brother-in-law eats shellfish for anxiety...

He says it clams him down.

There was a social anxiety convention

No one showed up.

I get really bad anxiety when driving over bridges.

My therapist says I have truss issues.

I have the three D's

Depression, anxiety, and dyslexia.

A cop see's a suspicious teenager driving erratically,and pulls him over

The policeman notices the drivers red eyes, and the smell of cannabis on his breath, so asks him if he's been smoking pot

The teenager says "Yeah, but I've got a prescription for it"

"What's the prescription for? inquires the officer

"Anxiety, but I only get it when a cop pulls me over"

Why do you have anxiety all the time

I'm basically a walking NERVOUS system

What animal do psychiatrists bring in to mental hospitals to help patients with social anxiety?

Squirrels; they're the best at getting nuts out of their shells.

A recent survey found that most men prefer eating a fine meal in a restaurant to having sex.

Presumably because they get performance anxiety when diners are watching.

How to get revenge on your dangerous mexican boss

Steal his anxiety medication that stops hispanic attacks

What do you call it when a commander becomes nervous?

General anxiety

I live in the state of CA

Constant Anxiety

Hey cutie, are you the economy?

Because you're almost as crippling as my student loans and anxiety.

Because of my social anxiety, I prefer to do things with very little people around me.

It makes me feel better being taller than everyone else.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

Joko Jokes