The Best 49 Anxiety Jokes

My collection of meta knock knock jokes (on mobile so bad formatting)

Knock knock|who's there|hallucinations| hallucinations who? | (Walk away)
|||knock knock|who's there|sudden anxiety attack|sudden anxiety attack who?|Sorry am I talking too much?
||| Knock knock|Who's there|Your inability to focus|your inability to focus who|(mouth the words your inability to focus making me quiet but don't actually say it)

I got my medical marijuana card because I have terrible anxiety

over where I'm going to get my next bag of weed

What game do two strangers with Social Anxiety play?

Don't Break the Ice

Are you ready kids? AYE AYE CAPTAIN! I can't hear youuuu! AYE AYE CAPTAIN! Ohhhhhh, who lives with a GPA under a C?

CO-LLEGE STU-DENTS

Who's living with stress induced anxiety? CO-LLEGE STU-DENTS!

If wanting to drop out is something you wish...CO-LLEGE STU-DENTS

Then take a long nap and watch some Netflix!

COLLEGE STUDENTS, COLLEGE STUDENTS, COLLEGE STUDENTS, COLLEEEEGGEEEEE STUUUDEEEEEEEENTSSSSSS!

I get really bad anxiety when driving over bridges.

My therapist says I have truss issues.

I always wanted to tell jokes...

I always wanted to tell jokes, but I had pretty severe social anxiety. So, I wrote the jokes down on pieces of paper and taped the paper to frisbees. Then I threw the frisbees at passers by so they could read my jokes.

The trouble was, most of them flew right over their heads.

A man with anxiety accidentally annoyed the cartel

He began seeing a psychiatrist because of hispanic attacks.

People who use drugs are pathetic. I'm high on life!

Side effects of life are include depression, anxiety, pain both emotional and physical, shortness of breath, physical and mental deterioration, weariness, sleepiness, insomnia, thought of suicide, and misery. Prolonged use may result in death.

What do you call an English teacher who used to have anxiety?

Past tense.

Life has never given me lemons

It has given me anger issues, anxiety, stress, a love for alcohol, and a serious dislike for stupid people

"The only thing we have to fear is fear itself." -FDR

"Exactly." -everyone with anxiety

A Russian doctor is treating his patient.

*"Take this for insomnia... take this for depression... and take this for anxiety."*

*"Thank you Doctor, but do you have any other medicine besides Vodka?"*

Whenever I get high with friends, my anxiety kicks in

I hate rock climbing

Maybe if I fall in love with my anxiety

it'll leave me too.

I've been trying to put a finger on what's causing my anxiety...

But my boss doesn't like to be touched.

I want to join an anxiety club...

But I'm afraid they won't accept me.

A tree with anxiety.

A tree had been filled with anxiety and decides to see a psychologist.

"I just don't know what to do," the tree said. "Every year I feel very anxious during fall and winter."

"Hmm, interesting," the psychologist said, "And how do you feel when spring comes?"

The tree smiles, "Releaved!""

I deal with my anxiety disorder the same way I study for tests.

I don't

The doctor diagnosed me with anxiety and constipation.

I was worried shitless.

Being a comedian is really bad for my anxiety

Whenever I'm on stage people keep laughing at me

As someone with social anxiety, I must say ...

Er, uhm ... Uuuh, I'll send you a text later.

Now that weed is legal in California, I don't need my Xanax prescription anymore.

I was always suffering from chronic anxiety I was about to be arrested for illegal possession.

My boyfriend left me because of my anxiety issues...

Oh, wait. He just went to the kitchen to grab some coffee.

Some people drink right before flying to deal with preflight anxiety.

[I drink ALOT the night before. I'm so hungover, dying doesn't seem that bad of an idea.]

I heard you like reposts, so here's one from 114 years ago.

**TOWN AND COUNTRY**

The young woman who was boarding at the farmhouse expressed to the farmer her anxiety at the savage way in which the cow regarded her.

It must be on account of that red blouse you've got on, miss, answered the farmer.

Dear me! exclaimed the girl. Of course, it's out of fashion; but I had no idea a country cow would notice it.

(From the London Journal, July 2nd, 1904)

My wife just left me because of my anxiety and paranoia.

Nevermind, she just returned from the shops.

What do you call a man with a sword and severe anxiety?

A worrier.

Why Did The Mexican Immigrant Take Xanax?

He Had Borderline Anxiety.

Do you suffer from anxiety that an intruder may be hiding in your room?

You're not alone.

So my friend said she thinks she took too many anxiety pills today

I told her she should worry if she's not feeling anxious about it

My boyfriend just left me because I have anxiety attacks.

Why does the brain experience so much anxiety?

Because it's part of the nervous system

My boyfriend left me for my anxiety issues....

My Mexican uncle takes anti anxiety pills.

They're to stop Hispanic attacks

My boyfriend just left me because of my anxiety disorder!

Why does Donald Trump take anxiety medication?

For Hispanic attacks

Alcohol Addiction

My anxiety has been in overdrive since the start of the Pandemic. I feel like I need more and more alcohol everyday.

I am going through at least a liter of the hard stuff everyday.
I start using as soon as I wake up and don't stop until I go to bed each night.

My Dr. says I need to slow down now. Even in the short term my addiction is affecting my fertility, damaging my immune system, and dehydrating my skin.

Before the start of the Pandemic, I never would have thought my hands could consume more alcohol than my mouth.

I used to suffer from depression but through hard work, persistence, and never giving up

I now suffer from anxiety and depression

Why does Satan have social anxiety?

Because he goes through hell just to say hello

Whoever took my anxiety medication

I'm worried about you

the inventor of the revolving door looked at a perfectly normal door and boldly asked "what if i added social anxiety?"

if i go too slow? surely everyone behind me hates me.

too fast? everyone behind me is in danger.

perfect invention.

let's put them in the busiest buildings.

I actually overdosed on anxiety pills a few minutes ago

I'm not too worried about it

What do you call the anxiety you feel when you're in a maze of buildings?

A complex complex complex

What's the best way to trigger someone's anxiety?

What? You thought I was going to answer?

I'm writing a book to help surgeons to use Eastern meditation to overcome anxiety in the operating theatre...

I'm going to call it *The Calmer Suture.*

I think I have anxiety, but I don't want to be diagnosed by a doctor

I'm worried if they tell me I don't have it, I would've wasted their time.

Why did the Mexican start taking anti anxiety medicine

Because of his panic attacks

Why did the mexican start taking anti anxiety meds?

He was taking them for hispanic attacks

I carry a notice with me to let other people know about my anxiety disorder.

It's my social insecurity card