The Best 49 Anxiety Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Anxiety jokes. There are some anxiety severe jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these anxiety anxious puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Anxiety Jokes and Puns

My collection of meta knock knock jokes (on mobile so bad formatting)

Knock knock|who's there|hallucinations| hallucinations who? | (Walk away)
|||knock knock|who's there|sudden anxiety attack|sudden anxiety attack who?|Sorry am I talking too much?
||| Knock knock|Who's there|Your inability to focus|your inability to focus who|(mouth the words your inability to focus making me quiet but don't actually say it)

I got my medical marijuana card because I have terrible anxiety

over where I'm going to get my next bag of weed

Why do pedophiles have social anxiety?

Because they have a hard time fitting in

Anxiety joke, Why do pedophiles have social anxiety?

What game do two strangers with Social Anxiety play?

Don't Break the Ice

Are you ready kids? AYE AYE CAPTAIN! I can't hear youuuu! AYE AYE CAPTAIN! Ohhhhhh, who lives with a GPA under a C?


Who's living with stress induced anxiety? CO-LLEGE STU-DENTS!

If wanting to drop out is something you wish...CO-LLEGE STU-DENTS

Then take a long nap and watch some Netflix!


I get really bad anxiety when driving over bridges.

My therapist says I have truss issues.

I always wanted to tell jokes...

I always wanted to tell jokes, but I had pretty severe social anxiety. So, I wrote the jokes down on pieces of paper and taped the paper to frisbees. Then I threw the frisbees at passers by so they could read my jokes.

The trouble was, most of them flew right over their heads.

Anxiety joke, I always wanted to tell jokes...

A man with anxiety accidentally annoyed the cartel

He began seeing a psychiatrist because of hispanic attacks.

People who use drugs are pathetic. I'm high on life!

Side effects of life are include depression, anxiety, pain both emotional and physical, shortness of breath, physical and mental deterioration, weariness, sleepiness, insomnia, thought of suicide, and misery. Prolonged use may result in death.

What do you call an English teacher who used to have anxiety?

Past tense.

Life has never given me lemons

It has given me anger issues, anxiety, stress, a love for alcohol, and a serious dislike for stupid people

You can explore anxiety anguish reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean anxiety concern dad jokes. There are also anxiety puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

"The only thing we have to fear is fear itself." -FDR

"Exactly." -everyone with anxiety

There was a social anxiety convention

No one showed up.

A Russian doctor is treating his patient.

*"Take this for insomnia... take this for depression... and take this for anxiety."*

*"Thank you Doctor, but do you have any other medicine besides Vodka?"*

Whenever I get high with friends, my anxiety kicks in

I hate rock climbing

Maybe if I fall in love with my anxiety

it'll leave me too.

Anxiety joke, Maybe if I fall in love with my anxiety

I've been trying to put a finger on what's causing my anxiety...

But my boss doesn't like to be touched.

I want to join an anxiety club...

But I'm afraid they won't accept me.

A tree with anxiety.

A tree had been filled with anxiety and decides to see a psychologist.

"I just don't know what to do," the tree said. "Every year I feel very anxious during fall and winter."

"Hmm, interesting," the psychologist said, "And how do you feel when spring comes?"

The tree smiles, "Releaved!""

I deal with my anxiety disorder the same way I study for tests.

I don't

The doctor diagnosed me with anxiety and constipation.

I was worried shitless.

Being a comedian is really bad for my anxiety

Whenever I'm on stage people keep laughing at me

As someone with social anxiety, I must say ...

Er, uhm ... Uuuh, I'll send you a text later.

Now that weed is legal in California, I don't need my Xanax prescription anymore.

I was always suffering from chronic anxiety I was about to be arrested for illegal possession.

My boyfriend left me because of my anxiety issues...

Oh, wait. He just went to the kitchen to grab some coffee.

Some people drink right before flying to deal with preflight anxiety.

[I drink ALOT the night before. I'm so hungover, dying doesn't seem that bad of an idea.]

I heard you like reposts, so here's one from 114 years ago.


The young woman who was boarding at the farmhouse expressed to the farmer her anxiety at the savage way in which the cow regarded her.

It must be on account of that red blouse you've got on, miss, answered the farmer.

Dear me! exclaimed the girl. Of course, it's out of fashion; but I had no idea a country cow would notice it.

(From the London Journal, July 2nd, 1904)

My wife just left me because of my anxiety and paranoia.

Nevermind, she just returned from the shops.

What do you call a man with a sword and severe anxiety?

A worrier.

My dyslexic brother-in-law eats shellfish for anxiety...

He says it clams him down.

Why Did The Mexican Immigrant Take Xanax?

He Had Borderline Anxiety.

My roommate couldn't remember whether he took his anti anxiety medication or not.

I said, Are you worried about it?

I have the three D's

Depression, anxiety, and dyslexia.

A cop see's a suspicious teenager driving erratically,and pulls him over

The policeman notices the drivers red eyes, and the smell of cannabis on his breath, so asks him if he's been smoking pot

The teenager says "Yeah, but I've got a prescription for it"

"What's the prescription for? inquires the officer

"Anxiety, but I only get it when a cop pulls me over"

Do you suffer from anxiety that an intruder may be hiding in your room?

You're not alone.

Why do you have anxiety all the time

I'm basically a walking NERVOUS system

So my friend said she thinks she took too many anxiety pills today

I told her she should worry if she's not feeling anxious about it

My boyfriend just left me because I have anxiety attacks.

Why does the brain experience so much anxiety?

Because it's part of the nervous system

My boyfriend left me for my anxiety issues....

My Mexican uncle takes anti anxiety pills.

They're to stop Hispanic attacks

My boyfriend just left me because of my anxiety disorder!

Why does Donald Trump take anxiety medication?

For Hispanic attacks

Alcohol Addiction

My anxiety has been in overdrive since the start of the Pandemic. I feel like I need more and more alcohol everyday.

I am going through at least a liter of the hard stuff everyday.
I start using as soon as I wake up and don't stop until I go to bed each night.

My Dr. says I need to slow down now. Even in the short term my addiction is affecting my fertility, damaging my immune system, and dehydrating my skin.

Before the start of the Pandemic, I never would have thought my hands could consume more alcohol than my mouth.

The Felony laws are rediculous...

Three guys were talking about how they ended up in an Arizona prison.

Guy 1: what are you in for?

Guy 2: selling weed to my 23 year old cousin with anxiety.

Guy 1: I can beat that, I was playing bioshock and the radio in game played some 1950s shit. I got a copy right strike and here I am.

Guy 3: I got you both beat. I'm in here because my ass fall asleep in the bathtub.

I used to suffer from depression but through hard work, persistence, and never giving up

I now suffer from anxiety and depression

Why does Satan have social anxiety?

Because he goes through hell just to say hello

Whoever took my anxiety medication

I'm worried about you

the inventor of the revolving door looked at a perfectly normal door and boldly asked "what if i added social anxiety?"

if i go too slow? surely everyone behind me hates me.

too fast? everyone behind me is in danger.

perfect invention.

let's put them in the busiest buildings.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the anxiety hypochondria jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working anxiety worry piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes