Anvil Jokes

Following is our collection of tongs humor and baits one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. They include Anvil puns for adults, dirty chisel jokes or clean sledgehammer gags for kids.

There is an abundance of ravine jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 21 funniest jokes on anvil. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any shovel witze you can hear about anvil.

The Best jokes about Anvil

The blacksmith hires an apprentice

He instructed the boy, When I take the shoe out of the fire, I'll lay it on the anvil. When I nod my head, you hit it with the hammer.

The apprentice did exactly as he was told, and now he's the new village blacksmith

An anvil walks into a bar..

The bartender asks him, would you like a beer? The anvil answers: "No thanks, I'm already hammered."

The village blacksmith hired an enthusiastic new apprentice

His new apprentice was willing to work long, hard hours.

One day he instructed the boy, When I take the shoe out of the fire, I'll lay it on the anvil. When I nod my head, you hit it with the hammer.

The apprentice did exactly as he was told, and now he's the new village blacksmith.

Two hunters are walking through a wooded farmland...

when they come across a giant hole they can't seem to find the bottom of. They wanna know how deep it is, so they see a rusted anvil close by, drag it over, and throw it down the hole. Seconds pass, and they never hear it hit the bottom.

A few seconds later, a goat comes sprinting by, and jumps right into the hole. The farmer comes walking by and asks the hunters "fellas, have you guys seen my goat around here?"

The hunters reply "well he just came running at us 80 mph and jumped down into that hole there!"

The farmer says "well that can't be! He was chained to an anvil!"

Two men are walking through the forest when they stumble upon a large sinkhole.

Guy says, "Woah! This thing looks deep; how deep down do you think it goes?" The two men search around for a long stick or branch to assess the depth, but find nothing of use. They continue their search and they stumble across an old, rusty anvil; and naturally, they haul the anvil over and toss it into the hole. They wait and wait, but they don't hear anything happen. Suddenly, a donkey comes running full speed ahead and just leaps into the sinkhole. The two men are shocked, "Did you see that donkey!? I've never seen an animal sprint like that!" Minutes later, a farmer comes sprinting into the scene and says, "Guys! Have you seen my donkey? He was just on the farm and completely took off!" One of the men answers back, "He was just here! He came sprinting through the woods and took a leap into this sink hole!" The farmer answers back, "No, that's absolutely impossible. He was tied to an anvil."


Two men walk up to a hole

One says to the other, "I wonder how deep this hole is" then picks up an anvil near them and throws it down the hole.

After about 20 seconds, the men hear a goat running behind them and it jumps in the hole. "Woah!" they both thought.

Then, a farmer walks up to them and asks them if they saw his goat. The first man says that it just jumped in the hole. Then the farmer said "Impossible! I tied him to my anvil!"

Once upon a time, there was a computer

Once upon a time, there was a village idiot. He excelled at doing precisely what he was told to do. However, being an idiot, he never questioned his orders.

His parents convinced the village blacksmith to apprentice the idiot.

The blacksmith explains to the idiot, "Grab a rod with these tongs, and put it on the anvil, and I'll hit it with this hammer." The idiot puts the rod on the anvil OK, but it's at the wrong angle. The blacksmith realizes his instructions were a little vague on that point, and he tries giving clearer directions. But it's no use -- he can't explain it precisely enough for the idiot to hold the rod just right.

So the blacksmith says, "Let's change jobs -- **I'll** position the rod and **you** hit it with the hammer." The instant the blacksmith touches the rod to the anvil, before even he has a chance to position it properly, the idiot starts hammering away at the rod.

Frustrated, the blacksmith thinks to himself -- how can he phrase this so there's NO POSSIBLE WAY the idiot can screw up? Aha!

The blacksmith says: "I am going to put the rod on the anvil -- **do not** hit it. When I nod my head, you hit it."

Two hunters were walking around in the woods around twilight

One of them grabs the other and pulls him back from a 6-foot diameter, perfectly smooth hole.

"You saved my life" says the hunter. "I wonder how far down that hole goes..."

So they find an old anvil and throw it in the hole. As they're listening for the anvil to hit, a goat comes running up behind them, about 20 miles per hour, and dives into the hole.

A farmer comes along and asks the hunters if they've seen a goat. One responds "We're so sorry, we saw your goat run up behind us and he dove into this hole."

The farmer responds "That's impossible, I had him chained to an anvil."

An old blacksmith ...

... realised that soon he would not be able to work so hard. He picked out a strong young man to become his apprentice. The old fellow was crabby and exacting. "Don't ask me a lot of questions," he told the boy. "Just do whatever I tell you to do." One day the old blacksmith took an iron out of the forge and laid it on the anvil. "Get the hammer over there," he said. "When I nod my head, hit it real good and hard."
Now the town is looking for a new blacksmith.

Two hunters walking through the forest...

As they're walking they see an anvil, sitting next to a massive hole in the ground with rope tied around it.

Curious as to how deep the hole is they push the anvil in and wait for the splash or thud... nothing. Thinking the hole is too deep they start to walk off. Then, out of no where a goat comes zipping past them screaming at the top of its voice and leaps down the hole.

Confused they walk on and bump into a farmer... he turns and asks if they've seen his goat, they say no, the farmer replies 'That's unbelievable I had him tied to an anvil'

A farmer goes to town...

and buys an anvil, a bucket, two chickens and a goose.

He looks at his purchases and says "How am I gonna carry all this home?"

The clerk says "Put the anvil in the bucket, carry the bucket in one hand, put a chicken under each arm and carry the goose in your free hand."

The farmer sets off. He meets an attractive woman who says "Can you tell me how to get to Mockingbird Lane?"

"Well, I live just down the road from there. Let's take my short cut down this alley."

"I'm a lonely widow. How do I know that when we get in the alley, you won't hold me up against the wall and ravish me?"

"Holy smokes lady! I'm carrying a bucket, an anvil, two chickens and a goose. How in the world could I possibly do that?"

"Set the goose down, cover him with the bucket, put the anvil on top of the bucket ... and I'll hold the chickens".

edit=added quote marks


Oh my goat!

Two guys are walking through the forest, and they stumble across a giant hole. They wonder how far down it goes, and try to find something to throw into the hole. One man finds an anvil, and throws it down. They wait for a few seconds and don't hear anything. Suddenly they see a goat running towards them at full speed, and it jumps into the hole. They stand there confused, when someone comes out of nowhere. The stranger asks if they saw his goat, they told him that the goat jumped into the giant hole. Then the stranger explains that that would be impossible, because the goat was attached to an anvil.

Two hunters are in a forest.

They come across a very deep hole and one hunter says to the other "How deep is that?" They both find a rusty anvil and throw it in. The anvil falls so far that the hunters don't hear it hit the bottom but then they see a goat sprinting past them and jump into the hole. They stand by the hole thinking about what just happened until a farmer comes along. The farmer says "Have you seen my goat Becky?" The hunters reply, "Yeah, it ran passed us and jumped into that hole." The farmer says, "That's impossible. She couldn't have done that, she was chained to an anvil."

The goat

Two hunters are walking through the woods and one of them says " whoa whoa! Watch out for that hole!"
So the other guy says " I wonder how deep it is" and picks up a rusty anvil laying on the ground and throws it down the hole.
They don't hear a sound and three seconds later, they see a goat running really fast at them and jump down the hole.
So then they see a farmer calling out "Becky! Becky" and approaches the hunters and ask " Have you seen a goat around here?"
The hunters reply " yeah it was running real fast and jumped down that hole "
The farmer replies " that's impossible! I had it tied to an anvil"

Why did the anvil hit the blacksmith instead?

Because it was irony.

Instruction

The village blacksmith finally found an apprentice willing to work hard for long hours. The blacksmith immediately began his instructions to the lad: When I take the shoe out of the fire, I'll lay it on the anvil, and when I nod my head, you hit it with this hammer.

The apprentice did just as he was told. Now he's the village blacksmith.

What's the hardest part about blacksmithing?

The anvil.

Two friends were on a hike through the woods when they found a giant hole in the ground...

They couldn't see a bottom to the hole, so they dropped a rock down to listen for when it hit the bottom. They waited for 30 seconds but never heard the rock. They looked around for something heavier to drop down. After a few minutes of searching around, they found an anvil. They dragged the anvil and dropped it down the hole, when suddenly a goat flew out from the trees and went straight down the hole. The two friends were trying to figure out what had just happened when a farmer approached them and asked if they had seen his goat. When they told him what happened he said:

"That's impossible! It was chained to an anvil!"

Hit it on the head

The village blacksmith finally found an apprentice willing to work hard for long hours. The blacksmith instructed the boy, When I take the shoe out of the fire, I'll lay it on the anvil; and when I nod my head, you hit it with this hammer.

The apprentice did just as he was told. Now he's the village blacksmith.


Two hunters and a hole

Two guys are hunting, one guy says "Whoa, big hole. How deep is that?"

Other guy says "Let's throw something in the hole and see."

They see a rusty old anvil and drag it to the hole, throw it in and hear no sound of it hitting the bottom. Suddenly they hear something galloping and a goat is coming at them at a blistering speed, almost knocking them down as it flies past the two and dives into the hole.

"Becky? Becky!!" Yells a farmer running toward them. He stops near the two hunters and asks them "You guys seen a goat?"

"Yes, we did! A goat ran by us about 80 miles an hour down into that hole!"

"That's impossible," says the farmer. "I had him chained to an anvil."


(Have heard versions in the past, this one is told by Jay Leno on his recent Comedians In Cars Getting Coffee episode, S03E03.)

Did you hear about the time an anvil fell on Dr. Pepper?

He was sodapressed.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

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