Ants Jokes

Following is our collection of antelopes humor and anty one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. They include Ants puns for adults, dirty larvae jokes or clean buoyant gags for kids.

There is an abundance of honeybees jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 79 funniest jokes on ants. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any bees witze you can hear about ants.

The Best jokes about Ants

How come ants don't get sick?

...because they have lil' anty-bodies

*runs away*

How many ants does it take to rent a house?

Ten ants

Why don't ants get sick?

Because they have little anty-bodies

Went to the hardware store today...

I picked up a can of insecticide and asked the guy behind the counter if this was good for ants.

Old man says "nope, it'll kill em"

How many ants does it take to fill an apartment

Tenants


How many ants are needed to fill an apartment?

Ten-ants

Why do fish form schools, but ants form colonies?

Cause *truants* don't go to school!

(I came up with this right now)

What is worse than ants in your pants?

......... Uncles.

Why can't ants catch Covid-19?

Because they have tiny anty-bodies

How many ants does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A light bulb weighs about 50g and a single ant can lift about .2g, so it takes somewhere around 250 ants working together.

I mistakenly thought there were 11 ants illegally squatting in an apartment

Turns out they were ten-ants.


Do you know why consuming ants is good for your health?

It's because they have anty-bodies!

Why did the ants wait until the bear's favourite song came on before stealing his jelly?

Because nobody would understand what was going on when he yelled "YO! THAT'S MY JAM!"

Why don't ants ever get sick?

They all have those anty-bodies.

How can you tell female ants from male ants?

They're all females, otherwise they'd be called uncles

What do you call two ants that run away to get married?

Antelopes

Ladies and gentlemen

Ladies and gentlemen, hobos and tramps

Crosseyed mosquitos and bowlegged ants

I've come to tell you a lie that is true.


One fine day in the middle of the night

Two dead boys rose up to fight.

Back to back they faced each other

Pulled out knives and shot each other.

Two deaf policemen heard the noise

And ran to save the two dead boys.

If you don't believe this lie is true

Go ask the blind man, he saw it too.

HOW TO GET RID OF ANTS

HOW TO GET RID OF ANTS

My buddy from Atlanta Georgia swears this works.

Go to Home Depot or Walmart and buy a can of black spray paint.

Stir up each ant mound as you go and the area around them with a stick.

The ants will emerge by the hundreds to defend the mounds.

Spray each mound and the surrounding area, making sure you get plenty of paint on the ants as well.

Once the ants realize they live in a black neighborhood, they quit working and start killing each other.

How can you tell male from female ants?

Throw them in a bucket of water; if it floats, it's buoyant.


What do you call a bunch of ants on adderall?

Stimul-ants.

How many ants does it take to own an apartment?

10 . It requires tenants to own an apartment.

What did the pink panther have all over his house after he fumigated for insects?

dead ants... dead ants... dead ants, dead ants, dead ants, dead ants, dead aaaaantsss

How come ants don't go to the church?

They are in sects.

You hear about bees being wiped out by the millions - why don't ants get sick?

Because they have little antybodies.

Patient: Doctor every night i see ants playing football

Doctor: It's okay take these pills
Patient: No way tomorrow is the final

Why were the ants dancing on top of the jar of jam?

It said "twist to open"

10 ants were looking for a new place to live...

The 1 ant, 2 ant, and 3 ant bought houses in the country.

The 4 ant, 5 ant, and 6 ant bought houses in the city.

The 7 ant, 8 ant, and 9 ant bought houses at the beach.

The 10 ant decided to rent.

Do ants have dicks?

No.

Cuz then they would be uncles.

Friends are like ants

if you burn them, they die.

An ant walks into a bar with his good friend Mister No, who is not an ant.

The bartender says, "I'm sorry. We only serve ants here."

The ant says, "But this is my good friend Mister No."

The bartender says, "Sorry, but I don't take No for an ant, sir."

Jungle animals started a softball league...

The teams are separated by species.

A colorful long beaked bird, not sure where to go, asked an old monkey umpire, where his team was playing.

He replied, "Mongoose vs snakes are on field 1, ants vs frogs play on field 2..."

"Quit monkeying around", the bird chuckled, "I just want to know which field I'm on."

"Species puns, huh?" he replied, "Well toucan play at that game."

The Oxymoron poem

Ladies and Gentlemen; hobos and Tramps; bug eyed mosquitos and legged ants: I come here before you to stand behind you to tell you a story I know nothing of.

One cold dark day in the middle of the night two dead boys stood up to fight, back to back they face each other, drew their swords and shot each-other! The deaf policeman heard this noise and came and killed those two dead boys.

Now if you don't believe this lie is true, ask the blind man, he saw it to.

What's worse than ants in your pants?

Kevin Spacey.

Why are all ants British?

Because they colonize.

10 ants were applying for a joint rental application...

...They meet with the rental agent and are discussing details of the property. One of the ants says "so this ant next to me is Dave, we met in university - great guy. Sarah, Jack and Bobby over there I met through work at the ant hill two trees over, we used to go out leaf hunting together - so much fun. Jackson over here I met at my Cousin's birthday where he got up on a table and started dancing. Amanda here came from interstate to stay wi...."

"ENOUGH!" shouts the rental agent. "What has any of this got to do with your rental application??"

"Oh" the ant replied "I was just giving you our ten ant history"

What's worse than a million ants in your pants?

Uncles

What do you call a couple of ants sharing a slice of pizza in Italy?

Romance

Why was the ant confused?

Because all his uncles were also ants.

Who are the bookkeepers of the insect world?

Account ants.

How to deal with an anthill

Next time you have an anthill problem, here is what you do;

Grab yourself a can of black spray paint and cover the entire anthill in it. Then grab a stick or something of the sort and stir the paint in. Once all the ants realize they now live in a black neighborhood, they stop working and start shooting each other.

If you have nine ants in your apartment, that's a problem.

But if you have ten ants, just ask them for rent.

My Biology teacher told me ants are female

The males are called uncles

Do you know why ants are so healthy?

Because they have little antibodies...

How many ants do you need to rent out a place?

Tenants

Banks have been using insects to adjust customers' balances and deal with financial issues.

They're the account ants

How many ants can you fit inside an apartment ?

Ten-ants !

What's worse then ants in ur pants?

... uncle's

Ants Dancing

Q: Why did the ants dance on the jam jar?

A: The lid said, "Twist to open."

Ants can carry twenty times their own body weight, which is a very useful information..

If you're moving and you need help carrying a potato chip across town.

What kind of medicine do Ants use when they have eye problems?

Ant-Eye Biotics

(Dad joke, I know)

Scientists are testing new mind reading methods with ants

It sounds like a cool psy-ants project

I'm tired of people talking about how strong ants are.

I can pick up a leaf too, who cares.

Why are all the ant larvae confused?

Because all their uncles are ants!

Anthill Golfing

Once there was a golfer whose drive landed on an anthill. Rather than move the ball, he decided to hit it where it lay. He gave a mighty swing. Clouds of dirt and sand and ants exploded from the spot. Everything but the golfball. It sat in the same spot.

So he lined up and tried another shot. Clouds of dirt and sand and ants went flying again. The golf ball didn't even wiggle.

Two ants survived. One dazed ant said to the other, "Whoa! What are we going to do?"

Said the other ant: "I don't know about you, but I'm going to get on the ball."

Ants can float on water using their toes. But why can't larger ants float on milk?

Because they lack toes in taller ants.

Why don't ants get the virus

Because they have antibodys

What's an ants favourite collectible item

Antiques

What did the aardvark say to Noah?

What do you mean you only brought two ants!?

For everyone college I apply to, I also send them an ant farm.

That way, if I don't get an acceptance letter, I can still hope for an accept ants letter.

There were three ants in a queue. The first ant said "there are 2 ants behind me". The second ant said "there's one ant behind me". The third ant said "there are 2 ants behind me". How is this possible ?

The 3rd ant lied.

What do army ants have in common with masturbating dolphins?

Both come in waves...

What do you call a bunch of carpenter ants?

A construction site.

What do you call bugs that handle your money?

Fine ants.

What did the ant say when he walked into the insurance office?

Insure ants?

Two ants, Jack and Rose, are sitting on a leaf on water. Suddenly, a small tide comes and upturns the leaf. Only the girl ant sinks…

…because the other is a buoy ant

"Boy, those people look like ants!"

A man, riddled with fear, is in the middle of his first flying lesson. With a shaky voice, weak knees and pants that once were dry he shudders to the instructor "Boy, those people look like ants!!" and the instructor reluctantly replies "That's because they are. We haven't left yet Carl."

3 Ants

3 Ants are competing in a race. Ant #1 wins and exclaims, "I'm in 1st place". Shortly after ant #2 ends the race and says, "I finished in 2nd place". Eventually ant #3 finishes the race and states "I won the race".
How is this possible?

Ant #3 is a liar.

What medication are ants prescribed to deal with their low moods?

Anty depressants.

What toothpaste do ants use?

MicroScope

What's worse then having ants in your pants?

Uncles

An anteater named Jack was persuading a frog named Webby to eat the ants from the anthill.

What was the aardvark's favorite Lady Gaga song?

Just Ants.

Cr

How do you maintain a healthy ant colony?

Ensure ants

The ants are my friends

They're blowing in the wind.

What kinda ants do software developers like?

A constANT.

What has two arms,two legs and eats ants?

Uncles

How do you deal with basic ants?

Give them an antacid

I seem to have this constant stream of bugs trying to hang me.

They're really quite the noose ants.

(91 year old grandfather told me this one) why don't ants freeze in the winter?

because they have ANTi-freeze

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

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