Hilarious Ants Jokes for a Fun-Filled Night with Friends
If you have nine ants in your apartment, that's a problem.
But if you have ten ants, just ask them for rent.
How many ants does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A light bulb weighs about 50g and a single ant can lift about .2g, so it takes somewhere around 250 ants working together.
What did the pink panther have all over his house after he fumigated for insects?
dead ants... dead ants... dead ants, dead ants, dead ants, dead ants, dead aaaaantsss
How many ants are needed to fill an apartment?
Ten-ants
What do you call two ants that run away to get married?
Antelopes
Why were the ants dancing on top of the jar of jam?
It said "twist to open"
Went to the hardware store today...
I picked up a can of insecticide and asked the guy behind the counter if this was good for ants.
Old man says "nope, it'll kill em"
Do you know why consuming ants is good for your health?
It's because they have anty-bodies!
How to deal with an anthill
Next time you have an anthill problem, here is what you do;
Grab yourself a can of black spray paint and cover the entire anthill in it. Then grab a stick or something of the sort and stir the paint in. Once all the ants realize they now live in a black neighborhood, they stop working and start shooting each other.
What is worse than ants in your pants?
......... Uncles.
Why are all ants British?
Because they colonize.
You can explore ants antelopes reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean ants larvae dad jokes. There are also ants puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
How many ants does it take to rent a house?
Ten ants
How many ants does it take to own an apartment?
10 . It requires tenants to own an apartment.
How come ants don't go to the church?
They are in sects.
Friends are like ants
if you burn them, they die.
Patient: Doctor every night i see ants playing football
Doctor: It's okay take these pills
Patient: No way tomorrow is the final
Ladies and gentlemen
Ladies and gentlemen, hobos and tramps
Crosseyed mosquitos and bowlegged ants
I've come to tell you a lie that is true.
One fine day in the middle of the night
Two dead boys rose up to fight.
Back to back they faced each other
Pulled out knives and shot each other.
Two deaf policemen heard the noise
And ran to save the two dead boys.
If you don't believe this lie is true
Go ask the blind man, he saw it too.
Do you know why ants are so healthy?
Because they have little antibodies...
How can you tell male from female ants?
Throw them in a bucket of water; if it floats, it's buoyant.
An ant walks into a bar with his good friend Mister No, who is not an ant.
The bartender says, "I'm sorry. We only serve ants here."
The ant says, "But this is my good friend Mister No."
The bartender says, "Sorry, but I don't take No for an ant, sir."
Why don't ants get sick?
Because they have little anty-bodies
Why don't ants ever get sick?
They all have those anty-bodies.
I mistakenly thought there were 11 ants illegally squatting in an apartment
Turns out they were ten-ants.
How come ants don't get sick?
...because they have lil' anty-bodies
*runs away*
What's worse than ants in your pants?
Kevin Spacey.
You hear about bees being wiped out by the millions - why don't ants get sick?
Because they have little antybodies.
Who are the bookkeepers of the insect world?
Account ants.
Why did the ants wait until the bear's favourite song came on before stealing his jelly?
Because nobody would understand what was going on when he yelled "YO! THAT'S MY JAM!"
What do you call a bunch of ants on adderall?
Stimul-ants.
The Oxymoron poem
Ladies and Gentlemen; hobos and Tramps; bug eyed mosquitos and legged ants: I come here before you to stand behind you to tell you a story I know nothing of.
One cold dark day in the middle of the night two dead boys stood up to fight, back to back they face each other, drew their swords and shot each-other! The deaf policeman heard this noise and came and killed those two dead boys.
Now if you don't believe this lie is true, ask the blind man, he saw it to.
What do you call a couple of ants sharing a slice of pizza in Italy?
Romance
Do ants have dicks?
No.
Cuz then they would be uncles.
My Biology teacher told me ants are female
The males are called uncles
How many ants does it take to fill an apartment
Tenants
Why was the ant confused?
Because all his uncles were also ants.
Jungle animals started a softball league...
The teams are separated by species.
A colorful long beaked bird, not sure where to go, asked an old monkey umpire, where his team was playing.
He replied, "Mongoose vs snakes are on field 1, ants vs frogs play on field 2..."
"Quit monkeying around", the bird chuckled, "I just want to know which field I'm on."
"Species puns, huh?" he replied, "Well toucan play at that game."
What's worse than a million ants in your pants?
Uncles
Why do fish form schools, but ants form colonies?
Cause *truants* don't go to school!
(I came up with this right now)
10 ants were looking for a new place to live...
The 1 ant, 2 ant, and 3 ant bought houses in the country.
The 4 ant, 5 ant, and 6 ant bought houses in the city.
The 7 ant, 8 ant, and 9 ant bought houses at the beach.
The 10 ant decided to rent.
How can you tell female ants from male ants?
They're all females, otherwise they'd be called uncles
Why can't ants catch Covid-19?
Because they have tiny anty-bodies
Why don't ants get sick?
They have anty bodies.
Do you know what worse than ants in your pants?
Uncles in your pants
What do you call someone who has never paid attention to ants?
Ignorant.
Do you know why ants are never sick?
It's because they have little anty bodies
So I was in my room and I saw a group of ten ants just running around frantically. I felt badly for them so I made a small house for them. out of a cardboard box.
This technically makes me their landlord and they are my.....
Tenants
Why can't ants get coronavirus
Because they have little anty-bodies
Two men are sitting at a table.
One guy says, "I have ants"
The second guy replies, "Yeah, but my ants are taller than yours."
So the first guy now says 'Well, I have a tube of glue!",
To which the second guy replies, "And... I have an entire tin of it."
Finally, the first guy says "I have bread."
Unable to beat the first guy any longer, the second guy says "I can't handle that with my glue tin 'n taller ants."
A joke originally told in Arabic
The doctor asks him what is that dreaming problem.
"Every night I go to sleep," the man says. "I dream of a soccer match between a team of elephants and a team of ants"
"Ok, take this medicine," the doctor says. "It will fix the problem."
The man refuses though and says:
"Can I take it tomorrow though? Today is the finals"
What's worst than ants in your pants?
Uncles.
Why were the ants unaffected by the covid virus?
They have lil anty bodies.
Went to the hardware store today. I picked up a can of insecticide and asked the assistant if it was any good for ants....
"Nope" said the man, "it will kill them."
It's been scientifically proven ants can't get Covid-19
They have little antibodies
Why do 9 ants get to live in an apartment for free?
Because they're not tenants
What rests on the ground between my feet and is covered in ants?
My ice cream cone. =(
*Inspired by actual events.
What do you call a group of rebellious ants?
Protestants
Which insect is the best at what it does?
Most people think ants or bees, but ya know...flies have really been on top of shit lately
Two friends are arguing...
"Look, I have a colony of ants!"
"Well, I have taller ants than you"
"Oh, well I have a tube of glue"
"Hah, I have an entire tin"
"I got bread!"
"Argh, you win! I can't handle that bread with my glue tin 'n' taller ants"
Did you know that ants can't contact COVID-19?
Because they have anty bodies.
The discriminatory ant colony banished all ants over 4 mm tall
They had no taller ants
Chuck Norris injected his blood into a monkey, a fish, and a lizard.
These are now known as King Kong, Jaws, and Godzilla.
What every athlete says after winning: "First of all, I'd like to thank Chuck Norris for not competing."
Chuck can eat Chinese food with one chopstick.
Chuck threw a few rocks into the Pacific Ocean. These are now known as Hawaii.
Chuck can light ants on fire with a magnifying glass..................at night.
When Chuck is in Rome, they do what HE does.
Chuck Norris crossed the road. No one questions why.
What's the worst thing about carpenter bees and carpenter ants?
They aren't union.
How many ants does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Two. Maybe three, if they're kinky.
Killed some ants in my house today
In my defense, they were breaking and antering.
Why aren't ants getting covid?
They have anty bodies.
Scientists have declared that ants are immune to COVID-19....
They think its probably because they have.... anty bodies
Leading entomologists experimenting with ant larvae have reported that while the introduction of milk-born disaccharides increased their height by 31%, it also inhibited tarsus growth by 47%.
The study concluded that the resulting specimens lack toes in taller ants.
Free Organic Pathologist Test
Go upto a tree and take a leak:
* If pee attracts ants, you've got diabetes.
* If it dries fast, your sodium is high.
* If it smells like meat, your cholesterol is high.
* If you forgot to unzip, it's Alzheimer's.
* If you missed the tree, Parkinson's.
* If you peed on your shoes, enlarged prostate.
* If you can't smell it, COVID 19.
Did you see that movie with the bugs living together in an apartment?
It's about ten ants.
What do you call 5 ants who move into an apartment with another 5 ants?
Tenants
My ant farm has 9 ants.
One more and I'll have to start collecting rent.
What do you have when adding 5 ants with another 5 ants?
Tenants
How come ants don't get sick?
Because they have little Anty bodies…
A friend of mine cut off the tip of ants feet and attached stilts to their legs.
Now he has lack toes and taller ants...
What kinds of Ants can make you happy?
ANTidepressANTS.
A guy goes to a psychiatrist to see about his strange dreaming...
"doctor I'm dreaming everynight about a soccer tournament for ants. It's on everynight. They went though a group stage, a knockout phase and its the only thing I'm dreaming about the last week, it's driving me nuts."
so the doctor says: "well, that's easy, just take this medicine before going to bed tonight and the dreams will be gone".
to which the guy replies: "no no no doctor, not tonight because it's the FINALS".
Five ants moved into an apartment. Then five more moved in.
Now the landlord is asking for rent.
What Has Six Legs and Eats Ants?
Three uncles
I saw a commercial for the Pink Panther's new Extermination business
The jingle was pretty catchy;
"dead ants.. dead ants..
dead ants, dead ants, dead ants, dead ants, dead aaaaaants.."
What's worse than 10 ants in your pants?
One uncle.
In my room
I was in my room when I saw ten ants running around frantically. I felt bad, so I made a house for them out of a cardboard box.
Technically, this makes me their landlord, which means they are my...
Tenants
How many ants does it take to fill an apartment building?
Ten ants.
