Ants Jokes
119 ants jokes and hilarious ants puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about ants that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Make your friends laugh with these hilarious jokes about ants, elephant, mosquitos, anthills, and antelopes! These jokes will be sure to leave your audience in stitches!
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Funniest Ants Short Jokes
Short ants jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The ants humour may include short ante jokes also.
- You can tell the gender of an ant by dropping it in water. If it sinks it's girl ant, If it floats it's boy ant.
- My granddaughter just hit me with this one: what is the biggest kind of ant ? A gi-ant!
I am so proud right now! - All groups of animals have unique names: a gaggle of geese, a pod of whales, a colony of ants… so what do you call a group of Karens? An HOA
- How does an ant put on a tie? With a considerable deal of practice and skill and the correct combination of knots in the tie so it can properly be secured on the neck. It's an ant-tie joke.
- Went to the hardware store today... I picked up a can of insecticide and asked the guy behind the counter if this was good for ants.
Old man says "nope, it'll kill em" - I used to hang out with a guy who crossbred insects... But I got sick of his crazy ant ticks.
- How do you tell the difference between a boy ant and a girl ant? Drop the ant in a glass of water. If it sinks, it's a girl ant.
If it floats, it's buoyant. - Why do fish form schools, but ants form colonies? Cause *truants* don't go to school!
(I came up with this right now) - Whenever an ant gets injured, instead of helping, the rest of the colony just leaves it to die. It's like the old saying goes: If an ant broke, dont fix it
- Five ants moved into an apartment. Then five more moved in. Now the landlord is asking for rent.
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Ants One Liners
Which ants one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with ants? I can suggest the ones about anti and anger.
- How come ants don't get sick? ...because they have lil' anty-bodies
*runs away* - How many ants does it take to rent a house? Ten ants
- Why don't ants get sick? Because they have little anty-bodies
- Why don't The Ants catch COVID? They've got little Antibodies.
- What do you get if you give growth hormones to an ant? Tolerance
- How many ants does it take to fill an apartment Tenants
- all ants are female because if they were male, they would be called uncles
- What's worse than 10 ants in your pants? One uncle.
- What do you call an old ant? An antique
- What do you call a group of rebellious ants? Protestants
- What is worse than ants in your pants? ......... Uncles.
- Why did Antman stop talking when he joined the x men?? He became a mute ant.
- Ant Man? Why don't they just call him uncle?
- An ant walks into this Reddit sub. The bar is set really low here.
- Why can't ants catch Covid-19? Because they have tiny anty-bodies
Fire Ants Jokes
Here is a list of funny fire ants jokes and even better fire ants puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What do you call a confident and stylish young fire ant? Flamboyant
- What is the difference between a non vaccinated child and a fire ant? A fire ant can live up to 6 years
- I tried publishing my novel... in which I stress the danger of global warming by describing my experience battling encroaching fire ant colonies. Every publisher called it ant-I-climatic.
- Chuck Norris lights campfires with fire ants.
- Chuck Norris can set magnifying glasses on fire...using ants.
- Chuck Norris can light ants on fire with a magnifying glass.
At Night.
Ants And Elephant Jokes
Here is a list of funny ants and elephant jokes and even better ants and elephant puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- If it's not about elephants, it's irrelephant. But what if it's about ants? Pertinant.
- Which ant is the biggest? Elephant
- Once an elephant and an ant walks into a bar. And the ant got crushed under the elephant's feet.
- How do you make an ant huge Add "eleph"
Hilarious Ants Jokes for a Fun-Filled Night with Friends
What funny jokes about ants you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean dent jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make ants pranks.
If you have nine ants in your apartment, that's a problem.
But if you have ten ants, just ask them for rent.
What was the aardvark's favorite Lady Gaga song?
Just Ants.
Cr
How many ants does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A light bulb weighs about 50g and a single ant can lift about .2g, so it takes somewhere around 250 ants working together.
What do you call two ants that run away to get married?
Antelopes
What did the ant say when he walked into the insurance office?
Insure ants?
An anteater named Jack was persuading a frog named Webby to eat the ants from the anthill.
Why were the ants dancing on top of the jar of jam?
It said "twist to open"
What kind of medicine do Ants use when they have eye problems?
Ant-Eye Biotics
(Dad joke, I know)
Do you know why consuming ants is good for your health?
It's because they have anty-bodies!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How to deal with an anthill
Next time you have an anthill problem, here is what you do;
Grab yourself a can of black spray paint and cover the entire anthill in it. Then grab a stick or something of the sort and stir the paint in. Once all the ants realize they now live in a black neighborhood, they stop working and start shooting each other.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why are all ants British?
Because they colonize.
Friends are like ants
if you burn them, they die.
What did the aardvark say to Noah?
What do you mean you only brought two ants!?
Patient: Doctor every night i see ants playing football
Doctor: It's okay take these pills
Patient: No way tomorrow is the final
Ants can carry twenty times their own body weight, which is a very useful information..
If you're moving and you need help carrying a potato chip across town.
Banks have been using insects to adjust customers' balances and deal with financial issues.
They're the account ants
What's an ants favourite collectible item
Antiques
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do army ants have in common with m**... dolphins?
Both come in waves...
Ladies and gentlemen
Ladies and gentlemen, hobos and tramps
crosseyed mosquitos and bowlegged ants
I've come to tell you a lie that is true.
One fine day in the middle of the night
Two dead boys rose up to fight.
Back to back they faced each other
Pulled out knives and shot each other.
Two deaf policemen heard the noise
And ran to save the two dead boys.
If you don't believe this lie is true
Go ask the blind man, he saw it too.
I'm tired of people talking about how strong ants are.
I can pick up a leaf too, who cares.
An ant walks into a bar with his good friend Mister No, who is not an ant.
The bartender says, "I'm sorry. We only serve ants here."
The ant says, "But this is my good friend Mister No."
The bartender says, "Sorry, but I don't take No for an ant, sir."
Why don't ants ever get sick?
They all have those anty-bodies.
What toothpaste do ants use?
MicroScope
What do you call bugs that handle your money?
Fine ants.
Scientists are testing new mind reading methods with ants
It sounds like a cool psy-ants project
I mistakenly thought there were 11 ants illegally squatting in an apartment
Turns out they were ten-ants.
There were three ants in a queue. The first ant said "there are 2 ants behind me". The second ant said "there's one ant behind me". The third ant said "there are 2 ants behind me". How is this possible ?
The 3rd ant lied.
What's worse than ants in your pants?
Kevin Spacey.
For everyone college I apply to, I also send them an ant farm.
That way, if I don't get an acceptance letter, I can still hope for an accept ants letter.
Who are the bookkeepers of the insect world?
Account ants.
Why did the ants wait until the bear's favourite song came on before stealing his jelly?
Because nobody would understand what was going on when he yelled "YO! THAT'S MY jam!"
What do you call a bunch of ants on adderall?
Stimul-ants.
Ants can float on water using their toes. But why can't larger ants float on milk?
Because they lack toes in taller ants.
The Oxymoron poem
Ladies and Gentlemen; hobos and Tramps; bug eyed mosquitos and legged ants: I come here before you to stand behind you to tell you a story I know nothing of.
One cold dark day in the middle of the night two dead boys stood up to fight, back to back they face each other, drew their swords and shot each-other! The deaf policeman heard this noise and came and killed those two dead boys.
Now if you don't believe this lie is true, ask the blind man, he saw it to.
What do you call a couple of ants sharing a slice of pizza in Italy?
Romance
What medication are ants prescribed to deal with their low moods?
Anty depressants.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Do ants have d**...?
No.
Cuz then they would be uncles.
My Biology teacher told me ants are female
The males are called uncles
Why was the ant confused?
Because all his uncles were also ants.
Jungle animals started a softball league...
The teams are separated by species.
A colorful long beaked bird, not sure where to go, asked an old monkey umpire, where his team was playing.
He replied, "Mongoose vs snakes are on field 1, ants vs frogs play on field 2..."
"Quit monkeying around", the bird chuckled, "I just want to know which field I'm on."
"Species puns, huh?" he replied, "Well toucan play at that game."
(91 year old grandfather told me this one) why don't ants freeze in the winter?
because they have ANTi-freeze
What do you call a bunch of carpenter ants?
A construction site.
Why don't ants get the virus
Because they have antibodys
10 ants were looking for a new place to live...
The 1 ant, 2 ant, and 3 ant bought houses in the country.
The 4 ant, 5 ant, and 6 ant bought houses in the city.
The 7 ant, 8 ant, and 9 ant bought houses at the beach.
The 10 ant decided to rent.
How can you tell female ants from male ants?
They're all females, otherwise they'd be called uncles
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Do you know what worse than ants in your pants?
Uncles in your pants
What do you call someone who has never paid attention to ants?
Ignorant.
Do you know why ants are never sick?
It's because they have little anty bodies
So I was in my room and I saw a group of ten ants just running around frantically. I felt badly for them so I made a small house for them. out of a cardboard box.
This technically makes me their landlord and they are my.....
Tenants
What's worst than ants in your pants?
Uncles.
Went to the hardware store today. I picked up a can of insecticide and asked the assistant if it was any good for ants....
"Nope" said the man, "it will kill them."
It's been scientifically proven ants can't get Covid-19
They have little antibodies
Why do 9 ants get to live in an apartment for free?
Because they're not tenants
My friend stepped in a mound of fire ants as he was dropping off his ballot last night...
He was telling me how his vision got blurry and he could hardly walk.
I first asked him if he was ok. Then I said, "that sounds like voterinterfireants to me".
What rests on the ground between my feet and is covered in ants?
My ice cream cone. =(
*Inspired by actual events.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Which insect is the best at what it does?
Most people think ants or bees, but ya know...flies have really been on top of s**... lately
Two friends are arguing...
"Look, I have a colony of ants!"
"Well, I have taller ants than you"
"Oh, well I have a tube of glue"
"Hah, I have an entire tin"
"I got bread!"
"Argh, you win! I can't handle that bread with my glue tin 'n' taller ants"
The discriminatory ant colony banished all ants over 4 mm tall
They had no taller ants
Chuck Norris injected his blood into a monkey, a fish, and a lizard.
These are now known as King Kong, Jaws, and Godzilla.
What every athlete says after winning: "First of all, I'd like to thank Chuck Norris for not competing."
Chuck can eat Chinese food with one chopstick.
Chuck threw a few rocks into the Pacific Ocean. These are now known as Hawaii.
Chuck can light ants on fire with a magnifying glass..................at night.
When Chuck is in Rome, they do what HE does.
Chuck Norris crossed the road. No one questions why.
What's the worst thing about carpenter bees and carpenter ants?
They aren't union.
BBC study finds Covid common in pet cats and dogs, but not ants.
Because ants have antibodies.
Ill see myself out.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How many ants does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Two. Maybe three, if they're k**....
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Killed some ants in my house today
In my defense, they were breaking and antering.
Scientists have declared that ants are immune to COVID-19....
They think its probably because they have.... anty bodies
Three ants take shelter from the rain in somebodies bathroom.
The first ant says, I'm going to sleep in the sink
The second ant says, I'll sleep in the tub
The third ant says, I'll get the best sleep of all and sleep in the toilet!
The next morning, the three ants wake up.
The first ant says, I slept great last night!
The second ant says, I also had a great sleep!
The third ant says, I hardly slept at all! It rained, thundered, and a log fell on my head!
Leading entomologists experimenting with ant larvae have reported that while the introduction of milk-born disaccharides increased their height by 31%, it also inhibited tarsus growth by 47%.
The study concluded that the resulting specimens lack toes in taller ants.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Free Organic Pathologist Test
Go upto a tree and take a leak:
* If pee attracts ants, you've got diabetes.
* If it dries fast, your sodium is high.
* If it smells like meat, your cholesterol is high.
* If you forgot to unzip, it's Alzheimer's.
* If you missed the tree, Parkinson's.
* If you peed on your shoes, enlarged prostate.
* If you can't smell it, COVID 19.
Did you see that movie with the bugs living together in an apartment?
It's about ten ants.
My ant farm has 9 ants.
One more and I'll have to start collecting rent.
What do you have when adding 5 ants with another 5 ants?
Tenants
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A friend of mine cut off the tip of ants feet and attached stilts to their legs.
Now he has lack toes and taller ants...
What kinds of Ants can make you happy?
ANTidepressANTS.
