Antique Jokes
67 antique jokes and hilarious antique puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about antique that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Discover hilarious antique jokes from antiquity to today. These jokes touch on all sorts of antique topics from cars and dealers to roads shows and tractors. Explore a collection of the oldest, funniest jokes passed down over generations about heirlooms and ancient artifacts.
Quick Jump To
- Short Antique Jokes
- Antique One Liners
- Antique Dealer Jokes
- Antique Roadshow Jokes
- More Antique Jokes
Funniest Antique Short Jokes
Short antique jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The antique humour may include short vintage jokes also.
- My grandfather handed me an antique clock, but it was missing its minute hand and hour hand I guess that's what happens when you get a second hand clock
- I took my metal detector to the beach today expecting to find antiques of great value. Beach better have my money
- My black girlfriend told me this on our first date. What do you call 200 black people in a barn?
Antique farm equipment. - So I was shopping online for antique guns..... and I got to the World War II section. I selected guns of French origin. They were all in mint condition.
- I think my wife is putting glue on my antique gun collection. She denies it, but I'm sticking to my guns.
- My friend just told me, Going to antique stores is gay. I said, No. It makes you buy curios.
- A communist and his friend walk into an antique store His friend said:
Woah,look at this really fancy cone glass thing with the sand!,its mine!
The communist said:
no
Its Hourglass - Did you hear about the Irish guy who was assasinated at the antique store? It was a knick knack paddywhack!
- You know you're getting old when when you go to an antique auction and three people bid on you.
Happy Cake Day to me! - What do you call..... What do you call dead black people in a barn?
Antique farm equipment!
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Antique One Liners
Which antique one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with antique? I can suggest the ones about ancient and old car.
- I inherited my great-grandfather's antique wig-making equipment. It's a family hairloom.
- What do you call an old ant? An antique
- shopping for antiques won't make you gay... ...but it will make you buy curios.
- What do you call a connoisseur of ancient humor? Antique-witty
- What do you call a black guy in a museum? Antique farm equipment
- I walked into the antique shop And I asked the clerk, what's new?
- Guy walks into an antique shop And asks "what's new?"
- I just bought an antique clock with missing hands. I think it's a timeless treasure.
- You should check out that Egyptian antiquities store. They have a mummy-back guarantee!
- Antique shop owners in the middle east have one rule Dubreak, Dubai.
- What do you call the corpses of slaves from the 1700s? Antique farm equipment
- You know you're old when you walk into a antique store And they start bidding on you.
- I recently bumped into the guy who sold me an antique globe. It's a small world.
- What do you get when u age an ant? An antique!
- What do you call a disney movie about antique cooking wares pewter pan
Antique Dealer Jokes
Here is a list of funny antique dealer jokes and even better antique dealer puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- My dad wants me to help him buy a tablet, but I'm not gonna do it. There's no way I'm getting tangled up with these black-market antiquities dealers.
- Why was the antique dealer considered a p**...? She was selling one night stand
Antique Roadshow Jokes
Here is a list of funny antique roadshow jokes and even better antique roadshow puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I wish the Antique Roadshow guy just told me how much my antique sword is worth. Instead of being all nosy about where all the blood came from.
Hilarious Antique Jokes to Make Your Friends Roar with Laughter
What funny jokes about antique you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean old fashioned jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make antique pranks.
Yet another genie in the lamp joke
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and their manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.
They rub it and a Genie comes out. The Genie says, 'I'll give each of you just one wish.'
'Me first! Me first!' says the admin clerk. 'I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.' p**...! She's gone.
'Me next! Me next!' says the sales rep. 'I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas, and the love of my life.' p**...! He's gone.
'OK, you're up,' the Genie says to the manager. The manager says, 'I want those two back in the office after lunch.'
You're walking down the street when you find an old antique lamp. You give it a shine, and a robotic genie pops out. What do you do?
You mech a wish
What does the rest of the colony call an old ant?
An antique.
How many hipsters dose it take to change a light bulb?
A: None they have a guy for that comes on Tuesdays only uses reproductions of antique bulbs
Some friends, a lesbian couple...
bought me an antique gold fob timepiece for my birthday. I think they mistook me when I said "I wanna watch".
I heard it took at least two elephants to make the keys on my antique piano
I had no idea they were capable of such delicate work.
Do you know anything about antiques?
Cause I found a t**... in my backyard and I wanted to know what period it was from.
One of my most prized possessions is an antique globe,
it means the world to me.
Your mama's so dumb ...
... she walked into the antique store and asked, "What's new?"
My brother-in-law, a retired farmer, collects antique tractors.
He has an entire barn full of them, absolutely amazing, not even any room to walk, and all in perfect working order. He confided in me the other day what his worst fear is. "A barn fire?" I asked. "No, not at all. I'm afraid that when I am gone, my wife will sell all my tractors for what I told her I paid for them."
I came walking in from the kitchen, and asked my niece for the phone book.
She laughed and called me an antique, then proceeded to give me her phone.
Long story short, the spider's dead, and she's in the living room crying.
Yo mama so s**...
She went to an antique store and said what's new?
I bought an antique and rare yo-yo and promised myself that I wouldn't use it
But that quickly got out of hand.
What's the worst part about visiting the grandparents?
The only thing to watch is antique robeshow.
s**... pun ive ever heard fml
What do you call a really old ant, an ANTique
My mother doesn't say much, but she always looks on the bright side
They say "it's cold", she says "...or fresh"
They say "it's old" , she says "...or antique"
They say "it's over" , she says "...or beginning"
They say "your son is a bit weird" , she says "...or tissed"
whatever that means.
I suspect my roommate stole my antique measuring scale.
He is not going to get a weigh with this.
What do my dad and an antique door have in common?
They're both worth more than they used to be, even though they're unhinged and their knobs don't work.
Ten years ago bought a rare antique flute for $1,000...
It was a sound investment.
What do you call an antique comb used to make braids, buns, and Celtic knots passed from generation to generation
Hair loom.
When you pay a lot for an "antique" chair and then find out that it's just a cheap modern chair that the seller roughed up,
that's distressing.
I have a friend who writes ballads about antique sewing machines...
He's a Singer songwriter it seams...
What do you call your mother's mother's mother's sister?
Your great antique.
Follow up Joke: what do call your father's father's father? Old as h**....
Both jokes courtesy of the 10 year old comedian in my house.
I found an old violin and a painting in the attic.
The antique dealer said, "The good news is you've got a Stradivarius and a Picasso. The bad news is Stradivarius was a terrible painter and Picasso made c**... violins."
Mary and Jane are old friends.
They have both been married to their husbands for a long time; Mary is upset because she thinks her husband doesn't find her attractive anymore.
"As I get older he doesn't bother to look at me!" Mary cries.
"I'm so sorry for you, as I get older my husband says I get more beautiful every day." replies Jane.
"Yes, but your husband's an antique dealer!"
A knight
A guy walks into his usual bar and orders a beer. He notices a full suit of armor standing on display by the bar. "Where did you get that?" the guy asks the bartender. "I picked it up at an antique store downtown," the bartender says. "It only cost $2,500." "Geez, all that money for a knight?" the guy exclaims. "Oh, no," the bartender hastens to reassure him. "You get to keep it forever."
