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Anticipation Jokes

29 anticipation jokes and hilarious anticipation puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about anticipation that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Funniest Anticipation Short Jokes

Short anticipation jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The anticipation humour may include short expectations jokes also.

  1. I asked my doctor when we could anticipate an end to the coronavirus epidemic He said I don't know. I'm not really into politics.
  2. Saw "IT" last night Far less "computer networking" and so much more "murderous clowning" than anticipated
  3. No one is more excited for today than Michael J. Fox... He's been shaking with anticipation for the last 25 years.
  4. Why did Einstein stop seeing his mistress? She fell in love and he didn't anticipate entanglement
  5. Which franchise has the most anticipated final installment for their trilogy? Christianity, the return of Christ, coming to cinemas near you whenever god feels like it
  6. Fan's of Marvel should be happy with the election results. Looks like you'll be getting a Civil War sequel much earlier than anticipated.
  7. Brentry In anticipation of Brexit many British politicians have unfriended their EU counterparts on Facebook.
    I guess now they will have to referiend'em...
  8. There are two types of people in this world The first type of people are those, who leave other people in anticipation.
  9. My friend slept with an acrobat, but it wasn't as great as he anticipated. It was a Cirque du So So Lay.
  10. Me: *licks lips with anticipation* " I'm so excited! i've never bungee jumped before!!"
    Instructor: "Don't lick my lips again!"

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Anticipation One Liners

Which anticipation one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with anticipation? I can suggest the ones about suspense and excitement.

  1. How can we stop anticipating things? I do it a lot and I don't think it's healthy.
  2. I ordered a book on near death experiences. The anticipation almost killed me.
  3. The new Slenderman​ movie is coming out It's the most anticipated movie of 2011
  4. What's the best perfume for a woman to wear on her death bed? Ghost anticipation.....
  5. While everyone was busy talking about Brexit nobody anticipated the Mexit to come.
  6. The fall of communism could have been anticipated. There were red flags everywhere.
  7. Anticipation is the name of the game Everyone's waiting to hear the rules
  8. Love is... ... the anticipation of happiness.
  9. I bet you that Michael J. Fox was just shaking in anticipation for this day.

Anticipation joke, I bet you that Michael J. Fox was just shaking in anticipation for this day.

Hilarious Fun Anticipation Jokes That Will Have You Rolling with Laughter

What funny jokes about anticipation you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean predict jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make anticipation pranks.

Me: *l**... lips in anticipation* I'm nervous. I've never done a bungee jump before.

Instructor: don't lick my lips again.

A guy visits his favorite d**...

He puts his money on the bedside table and says I've been bad, mistress. I need to be punished.
She makes him s**... and bend over as she whips his quivering bottom.
Next she makes him crawl into bed and ties him securely to the bedposts.
She runs her whip over his flesh and, as he wriggles in anticipation, the bed posts break and his arms come free.
Don't worry, I can fix this he says, as he runs out to his car. He returns in a few minutes with some tools and gets to work.
In a few minutes the bedposts are fixed.
He looks admiringly at his handiwork and beams.
Good as new, mistress!
She says This sub really loves reposts.

Nescafe and the Pope

Nescafe manages to arrange a meeting with the Pope at the Vatican.
After receiving the Papal blessing, the Nescafe official whispers,
"Your Eminence, we have an offer for you. Nescafe is prepared to
donate $100 million to the church if you change the Lord's Prayer from
'give us this day our daily bread' to 'give us this day our daily
coffee."
The Pope responds, "That is impossible. The prayer is the word of the
Lord. It must not be changed."
"Well," said the Nescafe man, "we anticipated your reluctance. For
this reason we will increase our offer to $300 million."
"My son, it is impossible, for the prayer is the word of the Lord and
it must not be changed."
The Nescafe guy says, "Your Holiness, we at Nescafe respect your
adherence to the faith, but we do have one final offer.... We will
donate $500 million - that's half a billion dollars - to the great
Catholic Church if you would only change the Lord's Prayer from 'give
us this day our daily bread' to 'give us this day our daily coffee.'
Please consider it."
And he leaves.
The next day the Pope convenes the College of Cardinals.
"There is some good news," he announces, "and some bad news.The good
news is that the Church will come into $500 million.'"
"And the bad news, your Holiness?" asks a Cardinal.
"We're losing the Wonder-Bread account."

An Arab Sheik was admitted to Hospital for heart surgery.

But prior to the surgery, the doctors needed to store his blood in case a need arose.
As the gentleman had a rare type of blood, it couldn't be found locally, so the call went out.
Finally a Scotsman was located who had a similar blood type. The Scot willingly donated his blood for the Arab.
After the surgery, the Arab sent the Scotsman as appreciation for giving his blood, a new BMW motorcycle, diamonds and a substantial sum of money.
A couple of days later, the Arab had to go through a corrective surgery.
His doctor telephoned the Scotsman who was more than happy to donate his blood again.
After the second surgery, the Arab sent the Scotsman a thank-you card and a box of Quality Street chocolates.
The Scotsman was shocked that the Arab did not reciprocate his kind gesture as he had anticipated.
He phoned the Arab and asked him: "I thought you would be generous again, that you would give me another motorcycle, diamonds & money... but you only gave me a thank-you card & a box of Quality Street chocolates."
To this the Arab replied: "Aye laddie, but I now have Scottish blood in ma veins".

India has decided to boycott Chinese products on all fronts to protest the latter's stand on disputed territories and their failure to inform India on the Coronavirus.

Meanwhile, Chinese textile mills are rolling out an all-new clothing line: "Boycott China" and are anticipating great demand from India.

The Justice League has a vacancy and the number 7 is interviewing to fill a superhero position...

Batman: Thank you for coming, 7. Its been rough since the Flash took off and we're having a hard time finding someone to replace him. Let's get right to it. What is your first power?
Number 7: Well, for my whole life I've been in prime condition and I don't anticipate that changing anytime soon.
Bathman: That's great to hear. What do you consider your second power to be?
Number 7: 49

An elderly man was on his deathbed.

A man is on home hospice, terminally ill and barely clinging to life. Well one afternoon he smells his absolute favorite thing in the whole world, peanut butter cookies, baking downstairs. After hours of anticipation the cookies don't come upstairs for him.
So he, against all odds, unhooks his IV's, creaks to his feet, and hobbles slowly down stairs where he beholds a platter of the cookies on the counter. He feebly reaches out for one and his wife slaps his hand away angrily.
"No! Those are for the f**...!"

A Priest And A Taxi Driver Arrive At The Pearly Gates

A Priest And A Taxi Driver Arrive At The Pearly Gates
St. Peter welcomes them and shows them to their homes.
For the taxi driver, a beautiful villa looking over a gorgeous field of clouds. "Thank you," the ecstatic taxi driver said.
Anticipating an even bigger mansion, the priest was dismayed when they arrived at a small 1-bedroom apartment.
"St. Peter, I'm a little puzzled," the priest began. "As a clergyman, I devoted decades of my life solely to serving the Lord. How come the taxi driver got a villa, and for me, only a small apartment?"
St. Peter smiled. "Up here, we go by results. While you preached, people slept; while he drove, people prayed."

You see that wall?

A group of vampire bats are hanging out in a cave. All the food in the area is gone and they are the brink of starving to death. One of the bats decides leave to look for food out of desperation. He comes back 30 minutes later and has blood on his face. The other bats are very curious and ask him repeatedly where he got the blood from. Each time, he tries to ignore them and says he doesn't want to talk about it. After 30 minutes of questioning, he breaks down and tells the others to follow him. He flies them to a huge mountainous wall 15 minutes away, and stops. He looks at the others and says,
'You see that wall?'
And they all exciteldy repeat, 'Yea yea, we see it!'
He says again, 'Do you really see that wall?'
They all say again in anticipation, 'Yea yea we see it!'
'Well I didn't!'

A very thirsty man was wandering the desert ...

... when suddenly he spotted a well. With the last of his strength, he neared himself, and started pulling the bucket upwards.
*Water! Water!* he shouted in anticipation
When suddenly, from the bottom of the well, a voice exclaimed
*Where?! Where?!*

Anticipation (may be offensive)

A man notices he is having some very strange medical symptoms, so he goes to the hospital. Tests are run, and he goes home. A few days later, he gets a call from his doctor.
"Doc, finally! Give me the news, this anticipation has been killing me."
"Actually, that's the cancer..."

My wife asks Alexa at least once a day - sometimes multiple times - what's the weather?

I just added a routine to make Alexa respond "you've got windows, don't you?"
And now we wait.
(Not really a joke but I'm giggling with anticipation)

Bill is sitting in the ladies beauty parlour waiting area....

A pretty woman came to him, pressed his shoulders gently & said: come let's go.
Bro Bill looked left & right, started sweating a bit & anticipating dire consequences said: I am married & waiting for my wife.
Lady: look carefully, it is me!

I found a joke recorded in an old book from my great great great great grandfather in 1881

A married woman said to her husband. You have never taken me to the cemetery. No dear, replied he. that is a pleasure I have yet in anticipation.

Discount Air Rides

Delta Airlines recently introduced a special half-fare rate for wives accompanying their husbands on business trips. Anticipating some valuable testimonials, the publicity department of the airline sent out letters to all the wives of businessmen who used the special rates, asking how they enjoyed their trip. Responses are still pouring in asking, 'What trip?'

First time bungee jumping...

ME: [l**... lips in anticipation] I'm nervous. I've never done a bungee jump before.
INSTRUCTOR: Don't lick my lips again.

Anticipation joke, No one is more excited for today than Michael J. Fox...