Anticipation Jokes

Following is our collection of shyly humor and playfully one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. They include Anticipation puns for adults, dirty foresee jokes or clean anxiously gags for kids.

There is an abundance of sensual jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 20 funniest jokes on anticipation. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any hopes witze you can hear about anticipation.

The Best jokes about Anticipation

Me: *licking lips in anticipation* I'm nervous. I've never done a bungee jump before.

Instructor: don't lick my lips again.

An elderly man was on his deathbed.

A man is on home hospice, terminally ill and barely clinging to life. Well one afternoon he smells his absolute favorite thing in the whole world, peanut butter cookies, baking downstairs. After hours of anticipation the cookies don't come upstairs for him.

So he, against all odds, unhooks his IV's, creaks to his feet, and hobbles slowly down stairs where he beholds a platter of the cookies on the counter. He feebly reaches out for one and his wife slaps his hand away angrily.

"No! Those are for the funeral!"

At a fabric store

At a fabric store, a pretty girl spots a nice material for a dress and asks the male clerk, "How much does it costs?"
Only one kiss per yard, replied the male clerk with a smirk.
That's fine, said the girl. I'll take ten yards. With expectation and anticipation written all over his face, the clerk quickly measured out the cloth, wrapped it up, and then teasingly held it out.
The girl took the bag and pointed to the old man standing beside her, and smiled, Grandpa will pay the bill.

A very thirsty man was wandering the desert ...

... when suddenly he spotted a well. With the last of his strength, he neared himself, and started pulling the bucket upwards.
*Water! Water!* he shouted in anticipation

When suddenly, from the bottom of the well, a voice exclaimed

*Where?! Where?!*

Two drunks

Two drunks were drinking on the roof of their trailer late one night in Texas. The first drunk looks up at the night sky and says to the other "The moon is so big, I been wonderin... Whad'ya think is closer, the Moon, or Florida?"

The second drunk gives his friend an amused look. "You can't be serious.." He slurs

The first drunk looks back at his friend in confused anticipation "Well?" he asks.

The second drunk then rolls his eyes and laughs. "Well.. Think about it. Can you see Florida from here?"

My wife asks Alexa at least once a day - sometimes multiple times - what's the weather?

I just added a routine to make Alexa respond "you've got windows, don't you?"

And now we wait.

(Not really a joke but I'm giggling with anticipation)

I found a joke recorded in an old book from my great great great great grandfather in 1881

A married woman said to her husband. You have never taken me to the cemetery. No dear, replied he. that is a pleasure I have yet in anticipation.

Anticipation (may be offensive)

A man notices he is having some very strange medical symptoms, so he goes to the hospital. Tests are run, and he goes home. A few days later, he gets a call from his doctor.
"Doc, finally! Give me the news, this anticipation has been killing me."
"Actually, that's the cancer..."

First time bungee jumping...

ME: [licking lips in anticipation] I'm nervous. I've never done a bungee jump before.

INSTRUCTOR: Don't lick my lips again.

No one is more excited for today than Michael J. Fox...

He's been shaking with anticipation for the last 25 years.

I ordered a book on near death experiences.

The anticipation almost killed me.

Me: *licks lips in anticipation*

I'm nervous, I've never bungee jumped before.

Instructor: Please stop licking my lips.

A guy picked up an amazing red-head.

She was the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen. Things were getting hot and heavy and he whispered in her ear, "So, does the carpet match the drapes?"

She whispered back, "It's laminate, see for yourself."

So in anticipation he slid his hand up her thigh and past her skirt. Sure enough she had wood.


In anticipation of Brexit many British politicians have unfriended their EU counterparts on Facebook.

I guess now they will have to referiend'em...

"Can we have sex today" asks a poor husband, in anticipation!

Wife : No!!My gynecologist told me not to have sex for 2 weeks.

Husband: Yeah! But your dentist didn't!!

Two old timers were playing chess in the park. The first one says: "know what I did yesterday? I went to the girls..."

"At your old age?" Says the second one as he cuts him off. "How was it?" He asks in anticipation

"Much nicer than the boys"

What's the best perfume for a woman to wear on her death bed?

Ghost anticipation.....

There are two types of people in this world

The first type of people are those, who leave other people in anticipation.

Me: *licks lips with anticipation*

" I'm so excited! i've never bungee jumped before!!"

Instructor: "Don't lick my lips again!"

After years of trying a Chinese couple, the Wong's, finally get pregnant. With much anticipation Mrs. Wong delivers a beautiful Hispanic baby boy..

Mr. Wong names him Sum Ting.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

Joko Jokes