Following is our collection of osx humor and marxist one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. They include Anti puns for adults, dirty slogans jokes or clean syn gags for kids.
There is an abundance of vaccine jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 57 funniest jokes on anti. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any antivirus witze you can hear about anti.
Measles
He was having a midlife crisis
He's dead
They prefer the term "mid-life crisis"
If you want a trial version of a kid why don't you borrow your friend's and babysit it instead of letting your own expire?
If they catch him, they estimate the trial could last 30 days.
Marco-Polio
...and finds herself in heaven. God himself greets her, shows her around and asks if she has any questions.
She says "Not about heaven, but was I right about vaccines?"
God laughed and said "No, vaccines are perfectly safe and should be administered to everyone".
The woman just can't believe it. She's absolutely distraught, until it finally dawns on her: this conspiracy must go even higher than I thought!"
Now my computer has autism
They both die in new.
"Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? [pause while smiling] Because it looks like you landed on your face"
I'd love to hear some of yours.
Edit : was.
She demands to speak to the manager
I definitely remember something about Jesus getting nailed
Young Isaac knocks on his boss's door.
Boss: "come in!, yes Isaac what can i do for you?"
Isaac: "I can't work here anymore! I quit! Everyone who work here is anti-semite!"
Boss: "What? What are you talking about? I guess there might be one or two, but everyone? come on, it's ridiculous!"
Isaac " I am telling you! They are! I asked all of them one question, and they all gave me the same answer."
Boss: "But... what was that question?"
Isaac: " I asked waht would they think if we exterminate all the jews and all the hairdressers"
Boss: "Hairdressers? Why the hairdressers?"
Isaac: "See? You're all the same"
Anything but shots
Down With the Sickness
But I don't smoke any less, either.
Trycoxagin
They'll go viral in no time.
The hardcore players of the 10 year challenge.
it's called Trycoxagain
I miss you.
They were great for a year or two, but they should be dead by now.
They help me eliminate future competition that my kid will go against. From fortnite to Harvard.
They don't approve of shots.
Science is amazing. Some european scientists made a breakthrough and invented an Anti-Thieves Machine. It detects and catches the thieves in the streets of various cities through the world with an accuracy of 99,9%! Of course that various countries were interested. Germany got 2, France got 3, Greece got 4, Italy got 5 and Portugal, true to its *showoff* image, got 10.
After one hour, in Germany, 100 hundred thieves got caught. In France more than 250 thieves got caught. In Greece more than 350 thieves were caught. In Italy, more than 500 thieves were caught. In Portugal, after 30 minutes, all the machines were stolen.
Because he was having a mid-life crisis
Wall-E
They are against having shots
Because his wine always turns into water.
Because autism isn't detected until age 3
Dyson
Marco!
Polio!
An anti-semite is drinking in a bar. He notices a Jew sitting at a table nearby and doesn't like it.
"Bartender!" he says, nodding at the Jew, "A round of the good stuff for everyone except him!"
Everyone happily receives a glass of premium scotch.
The anti-semite looks over at the Jew with a smug grin.
The Jew smiles back.
The anti-semite loses his satisfied expression.
"Bartender! Give everyone a drink of your finest, plus an appetizer!"
He looks directly at the Jew and adds, "Everyone except the Jew."
The Jewish man looks at the anti-semite, and smiles again.
Furious, the anti-semite says, "Is that Jew just stupid or pretending to be?"
"Oh no, sir, he's the owner."
An anti-semite is drinking in a bar. He notices a Jew sitting at a table nearby and doesn't like it. "Bartender!" he says, nodding at the Jew, "A round of the good stuff for everyone except him!" Everyone happily receives a glass of premium scotch. The anti-semite! looks over at the Jew with a smug grin. The Jew smiles back. The anti-semite loses his satisfied expression. "Bartender! Give everyone a drink of your finest, plus an appetizer!" He looks directly at the Jew and adds, "Everyone except the Jew." The Jewish man looks at the anti-semite, and smiles again. Furious, the anti-semite says, "Is that Jew just stupid or pretending to be?" "Oh no, sir, he's the owner."
So I reply "Oh, so you've gotten vaccinated, then?"
~~Sorry if it's a terrible joke.~~
No regrets
I guess it wouldn't be a challenge if it wasn't hard
Dating a girl with an unvaccinated kid is like adopting an old dog. You feel like you're being a good person for accepting it, then you get attached and they die when they're 12.
it's impossible to put down.
It's fantastic - can't beat it
We should be fascinated in the way anti-vaxxers cling to the phrase the research . It must be something they all pass around to each other.
You know, like measles.
A man notices he is having some very strange medical symptoms, so he goes to the hospital. Tests are run, and he goes home. A few days later, he gets a call from his doctor.
"Doc, finally! Give me the news, this anticipation has been killing me."
"Actually, that's the cancer..."
I stole it off a fat ginger kid
Don't worry, they won't be here long
Would you be erasist?
Or they would, if my parents were imbeciles
It likes to stick to itself.
Albert Einstein used to go to dinners where he was invited to give a speech. One day, on his way to one of those dinners, he told his chauffeur (who looked exactly like him) that he was dead tired of giving the same speech, dinner after dinner.
"Well," said the chaffeur, "I've got a good idea. Why don't I give the speech since I've heard it so many times?'' So Albert's chauffeur gave the speech perfectly and even answered a few questions. Then, a professor stood up and asked him a really tough question about anti-matter which the chauffeur couldn't answer
"Sir, the answer to your question is so easy that I'll let my chauffeur answer it!"
they don't go above 7
An unclehistamines wife
-updoots for groan.
Sucks because I stayed up all night studying.
It's the one being held in the cemetery.
'cause they just get everything.
Yeah, me neither
I was just walking through the subway when I saw 2 homeless people vaccinating themselves.
An anti-semite is drinking in a bar. He notices a Jew sitting at a table nearby and doesn't like it.
"Bartender!" he says, nodding at the Jew, "A round of the good stuff for everyone except him!"
Everyone happily receives a glass of premium scotch.
The anti-semite looks over at the Jew with a smug grin.
The Jew smiles back.
The anti-semite loses his satisfied expression.
"Bartender! Give everyone a drink of your finest, plus an appetizer!"
He looks directly at the Jew and adds, "Everyone except the Jew."
The Jewish man looks at the anti-semite, and smiles again.
Furious, the anti-semite says, "Is that Jew just stupid or pretending to be?"
"Oh no, sir, he's the owner."
Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.