Playful Anthony Jeselnik Jokes to Add Joy and Laughter to Your Group
My neighbor is a 90 year old with Alzheimer's, I see him every morning and he asks me If I've seen his wife. Every day I have to tell this poor man that his wife died 20 years ago. I could have moved to another house or even ignore his question.
But the look of joy in his eyes when I tell him this is worth a world.
OG: Anthony Jeselnik
Careful what you wish for!
I don't think I ever got over
my grandmother's death when I was a kid.
My grandmother died from a heart attack
during my ninth birthday party.
Literally while she was eating cake.
And I guess that must have screwed me up a little bit.
I mean, I still have birthday parties.
But now I'm just careful what I wish for.
—Anthony Jeselnik
Who do you think was smarter, Jesus or Buddha?
I mean, just in terms of not letting themselves get crucified.
*-Anthony Jeselnik, Shakespeare*
When I graduated high school I wanted to buy a motorcycle..
When I finished high school I wanted to take all my graduation money and buy myself a motorcycle. But my mom said no. See, she had an uncle who died in a horrible motorcycle accident when he was 18. And I could just have his motorcycle. - Anthony Jeselnik
Its not easy Making Fun of Retarded People
You Really have to explain it to them
--- Anthony Jeselnik
My dad doesnt trust anyone, in fact he has a saying about it
But he wouldnt tell me
Credits: Anthony Jeselnik
Just heard my ex just moved in with her boyfriend and he's abusive. Makes me wanna go over there with a baseball bat...
... and then blame it on the boyfriend
Credits ~ Anthony Jeselnik
I just found out my grandmother only has one day left to live. And I know this might sound cruel...
...but I'm not paying the ransom. -Anthony Jeselnik
I spend 2 years looking for my ex-girlfriends killer...
But so far no one will do it..
Credit to Anthony Jeselnik.
Segura's favorite Jeselnik
When I finished high school I wanted to take all my graduation money and buy myself a motorcycle.
But my mom said no.
See, she had an uncle who died in a horrible motorcycle accident when he was 18.
And I could just have his motorcycle.
- Anthony Jeselnik
(Segura asked him to tell this one on Your Mom's House, and he did.)
I saw some horrible comedian making jokes about the Boston Marathon...
Some lines must not be crossed.
(Source: Anthony Jeselnik I think)
You can explore anthony jeselnik quinn reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean anthony jeselnik sherwood dad jokes. There are also anthony jeselnik puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
My parenrs were very principled people...
When I was young, they caught me smoking one Newport. They proceeded to force me to smoke the whole pack, just to teach me a valuable lesson..
..about brand loyalty.
_ credits to Anthony Jeselnik
You don't know anything about pain until you've seen your own baby drowned in a tub...
And you definitely don't know anything about how to wash a baby.
.
.
(Anthony Jeselnik)
I never know what to say to something after they've lost their baby.
"Oh I'm sorry for your loss," doesn't cut it.
That's why I keep my mouth shut and let my lawyer do the talking.
*
*Source: Anthony Jeselnik*
"One of my friends has gotten so many DUI's.....
that he had to go to jail for a year. And his only concern was getting raped. So he didn't shower for an entire year...... because he was so busy getting raped."
- Anthony Jeselnik
Can someone please explain this joke to me? I really don't get it.
So I was watching this stand-up comic named Anthony Jeselnik and while the rest of his show is hilarious, there was one joke I just don't get at all.
"I once mowed the lawn at a battered woman's shelter... if you know what I mean".
Yea; I'm seriously stumped.
The day of the Boston massacre as soon I heard about I said that some lines just shouldn't be crossed especially not the finish line
I will give credit where credit is to : Anthony Jeselnik
I found this website that tells you how many sex offenders are in your area. Apparently, there are 34 sex offenders in my area.
So why do we always have to meet at my place?
- Anthony Jeselnik
Smelly Roommate (Anthony Jeselnik)
I once had this Eastern European roommate who never showered or used deodorant. He smelled awful and after a while it got unbearable. I didn't have the heart to tell him that he smelled bad, so I left him a note one morning in the bathroom, "Dear Olaf, get out of my country"
-Anthony Jeselnik
Superpower
One friend to another:
Friend 1: Hey, if you could have any superpower, which would you choose?
Friend 2: I'd want super strength.
Friend 1: Well I'd want Cold War Russia.
Source: Anthony Jeselnik?
