Anthem Jokes

Following is our collection of parody humor and ode one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. They include Anthem puns for adults, dirty salin jokes or clean indie gags for kids.

There is an abundance of opera jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 51 funniest jokes on anthem. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any sing witze you can hear about anthem.

The Best jokes about Anthem

Have you heard of the Saudi Arabia gay pride anthem?

We will, we will rock you!

How do you get a football player to stop resisting arrest?

Sing the national anthem

The national anthem is under attack

And I won't stand for it!

How do you stop all the protests and riots?

Play the national anthem. They'll all sit down

Did you see Mike Pence left the Colts game because the players knelt for the national anthem?

He was quoted as saying "I won't stand for this" on the way out

A guy walks into a bar, sits down and orders a drink...

The bartender looks at him and says" See that woman over there, she will give you a blow job and sing the National Anthem at the same time".

"No way" the guy says.

"Oh yeah, and she only charges $20".

So he walks over and hands her a $20. She takes him into a back room and shuts off the light.

As she starts to give him head, she also starts to sing. He couldn't believe it, the words came out so clear that it was impossible.

Just after he finished, he quickly flicked on the light and saw her popping in her glass eye.

What's the Cuban national anthem?

"Row, Row, Row Your Boat..."

7 mildly offensive jokes

**What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other? **

A speech impediment.

**What's the Cuban National Anthem? **

Row row row your boat.

**What's the fastest way to a man's heart? **

Through his chest with a sharp knife.

**Did you hear about the Chinese couple who had a retarded baby? **

They named him Sum Ting Wong.

**Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good looking? **

Because those men already have boyfriends.

**What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog? **

After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.

**What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying? **

The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.

What was the anthem of Saudi Arabia's first LGBT pride parade?

We Will Rock You.

I know how to stop all these riots.

Play the national anthem, they'll all sit down.

I went to the doctors today

told him "I've got a problem, every time I finish masturbating I sing the American national anthem".

The doctor said, "Don't worry, a lot of wankers sing that".

I read that Logic's touching performance at the Grammys tripled calls to the suicide prevention line,

Apparently Fergie's national anthem more than quintupled them

What does the NFL season and the national anthem have in common?

Kaepernick is gonna sit through them both.

While I was on the bus, the person standing next to me played the national anthem

While I was sitting on the bus, the person standing next to me played the national anthem,

I stood up and he took my seat.

What genre is the National Anthem?

Country Music

How do you stop the protests in Charlotte?

Sing the nation anthem they will sit down

I don't get what this whole NFL anthem controversy is about...

I thought the right-wingers *WANTED* to see black people on their knees.

What is the Puerto Rican national anthem?

Partly in the USA

What does U.S.A. stand for?

The national anthem.

These national anthem protests are getting out of hand.

Even the U.S. paralympics team won't stand up for the national anthem.

What song is the anthem of Anti-Vaxxers?

Down With The Sickness

Fergie sang that anthem so bad

Kaepernick stood up and told her not to disrespect the anthem like that

A drunk guy goes up to a lady dressed in black

A drunk guy goes up to a lady dressed in black and says:
- Will you dance with me, lady?
- No and for three reasons.
- And what are the reasons?

With a very serious look on her face she says:

- Firstly you're drunk in a funeral, secondly you don't dance during the Nacional anthem and lastly I'm not a lady, I'm the priest.

How does the Mexican national anthem start?

Jose can you see.....

The Catholic Church has chosen its anthem

Concerto for organ in a minor.

I played the USSR anthem at my private school

And now its a public school.

In the middle of the night...

...a frustrated wife starts singing the national anthem loudly. What are you doing, darling? inquires the husband. Well, I was giving it one last shot, honey, replied the wife, the whole nation stands erect when this song is heard.

How do you stop a crowd of black men from rioting, breaking windows and looting?

Play the American national anthem.

What does the GOP stand for?

The Russian national anthem.

How did the dyslexic American mathematician sing the first line of his national anthem?

"Oh secant, you say?"

What does ET stand for?

His national anthem

American great

I had to go see my doctor today because I'm having an unusual problem. I say to him, I've got a problem, every time I finish masturbating I sing the American national anthem .

The doctor said, Don't worry, a lot of wankers sing that .

What did Zeus pick as Mount Olympus' national anthem?

Greeced Lightning.

What does ET stand for?

The alien national anthem

I hear that everyone loves it when you share your political views, so this is what I stand for...

the national anthem, old people on the bus and if someone yells "your chair is on fire"

Fergie is so patriotic

Even her voice kneeled for the National anthem.

South Africa's new National Anthem.

Sounds of silence:

Hello, darkness,
my old friend.
I've come to talk
with you again.
Because a darkness
softly creeping.
Silos crack while I
was sleeping.
And the power is
off once again,
This is South Africa,
my friend.

I'm gonna pick up Anthem today and see what shuts down first.

My PS4 or BioWare?

Want to know how to stop the "Not My President" Riots?

Play the National Anthem and they'll all kneel.

When do NFL players propose to their girlfriends?

During the playing of the National Anthem.

The Chili's theme song from the late nineties would make a far better anthem for the 'Amber Alert'.

*sings* I want my baby back, baby back, baby back...

Americans, don't hate on illegal Mexican immigrants so much ...

For fuck's sake, even your national anthem welcomes them.

"JosΓ© can you see ..."

The inauguration ceremony should be like the olympics.

They can play the US national anthem, then the Russian one.

Fergie's rendition of the national anthem was so bad.......

that even Colin Kaepernick had to stand up and walk out on this one.

This kneeling during the national anthem thing is getting really out of hand.

Now even the competitors of the Paralympics are doing it.

The real fight of the century was between,

Jamie Foxx and the national anthem

What is the national anthem of South Korea?

Heart and Seoul.

I used to know a crippled guy who had a serious hatred for the National Anthem...

Just couldn't stand for it.

The Third Reich did bad things, and their anthem is good. The Soviets did bad things, and their anthem is good...

So why isn't the American anthem good?


The Canadians are considering changing the name of their national anthem to 'O Cannabis'

A guy in Texas was sitting in my favorite seat on the bus.

So I looked up the National Anthem and played it on speaker.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

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