Quirky and Hilarious Answer Jokes to Let the Chuckles Begin.
As an Aussie, Americans are always asking me where in Australia there *isn't* something trying to kill you...
School is my answer
What do Apple and Donald Trump have in common?
I would say that they both think de-porting is the answer when there's no more Jobs, but I shouldn't compare apples to oranges.
What do Donald Trump & the iPhone 7 have in common?
They both think de-porting is the answer when there's no more Jobs.
A blonde mom is cooking dinner when her blonde daughter walks in
The daughter asks, "Mom, why do people think we blondes are s**...?"
Her mother replies, "I'll show you", and taps hard on the kitchen counter.
Somewhat confused, the blonde daughter says, "Someone's at the door!".
The blonde mother laughs. "This is why people think we're s**.... Now watch over the stove for me while I answer the door."
During my prostate exam I asked the doctor, "where should I put my pants"?
"Over there by mine", was not the answer I was expecting.
Today I was asked how I view lesbian relationships
Apparently "in HD" wasn't the right answer
So, my lesbian friend asked how I view lesbian relationships.
In Hd was not the correct answer.
I got my family banned from playing Family Feud today.
The category was "Describe your s**... life with a Spongebob quote"
and apparently "ARE YOU READY KIDS?" was not the right answer.
How many dead h**... do you need to change a light bulb?
Dunno. Seven's not the answer though, my basement is still dark
I had a job interview...
...the interviewer slid his laptop across the table and said "sell this to me."
I closed the screen, unplugged it, and left.
I ignored his calls for about three hours. When I did answer, he said "Where is my laptop?!"
"You wanna buy it?"
TIL Calaway's Law states that "the best way to get the right answer on the Internet is not to ask a question, it's to post the wrong answer."
Now we wait.
You can explore answer truthfully reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean answer prayers answered dad jokes. There are also answer puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
I failed my biology test today.
Apparently, "black guys" isn't the answer to the question "What is found in cells."
A drunk walks up to two priests.
He says "I'm Jesus Christ." The priest shakes his head. "No son, you're not." The drunk goes up to the second priest. "I'm Jesus Christ."
The second priest gives the same answer.
The drunk glares at them for a second. "Look I can prove it. Follow me." He leads them to a bar and walks inside. The bartender takes one look at him and says "Jesus Christ, you're here again?!"
A teacher asks her class to use 'contagious' in a sentence
A teacher asks her class to use the word 'contagious' in a sentence. Sally, the class genius, raises her hand and says, "Last year I got the mumps, and my mom said it was contagious."
"Very good," says the teacher. "Would anyone else like to try?"
Little Johnny raises his hand and stands to give his answer.
"Our mean next door neighbor was painting her house by hand, and my dad said it would take the contagious.
God finally answer my prayers for winning the $15 million lottery.
The answer is no.
o**... Bin Laden's son comes home from school crying...
He asks him: "What's wrong son, what happened?"
"The teacher asked the class what the tallest building in New York is, and I got the answer wrong."
"Why, what did you answer?"
"The Empire State Building."
"Don't worry son, daddy will take care of it."
Why did the Muslim take his Note 7 onto an airplane?
Do I really have to answer that? Who doesn't bring their phone with them when they travel?
A guy dressed as a Chicken for Halloween finds a girl dressed as an egg.
Apparently the answer is Chicken.
Today a Gender Studies student asked me how our society viewed l**...
Apparently, in HD wasn't the correct answer.
Time to update my display to 4K.
So I was in math class when the teacher asked me what comes after 69.
Apparently, "I do." is not the correct answer.
During an argument with my wife, she dropped the old "why did you even marry me?" line.
Apparently "Your sister was already taken" was not the right answer.
Is it possible to stop a grenade from exploding by putting the pin back in?
I need a quick answer to this question
How many vegans does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Two. One to screw in the light bulb and one to tell you they are vegans.
.......
Well apparently the correct answer is three. The extra one is needed to post whiny replies when they all get triggered by this joke.
If your girlfriend's dad ever angrily asks "where do you get off"
"In your daughter" is the wrong answer
I doubt v**... is the answer....
But it's worth a shot
I was recently asked if I believed faith could move mountains.
Apparently "No, but I've seen what it can do to buildings," is the wrong answer.
My wife once asked me if I would ever sleep with her sister if we split up.
Which sister? is not the correct answer.
I got fired from PC World today.
A guy came in the store and asked me what was the best thing for finding your ancestors.
Probably a shovel was not the right answer.
"Okay Fred, Shaggy and Daphne, can you name an animal that lives in Africa and has a large horn on its face?"
"Rhino!"
"We know you know the answer, s**..., but it's not your turn."
Today in church they asked what a Bishop does
Apparently move diagonally wasn't the answer they were looking for.
I asked my dad what it means to be gay.
But he didn't give me a straight answer.
A man goes to a Halloween party dressed up as a chicken and he meets a girl dressed up as an egg.
The answer is the chicken.
Don't you hate it when people ask you a question just so they can answer it themselves?
Because I do
During my job interview I was asked: After a long week how do you normally recharge your batteries
Apparently through high voltage n**... c**... wasn't the answer they were expecting.
62% of Kentuckians pronounce their state capital "Loo-uh-vul", while 38% say "Loo-ee-ville".
Unfortunately, the correct answer is Frankfort.
Brett Kavanaugh has stated that he will not be pressured into withdrawing his Supreme Court bid by the allegations made against him.
He sounds like the kind of guy who just won't take 'no' for an answer.
Every time I ask someone what the acronym LGBTQ stands for...
I can never get a straight answer.
A flat-Earther died, and to his surprise found himself standing on a cloud in front of the gates of heaven
A flat-Earther died, and to his surprise found himself standing on a cloud in front of the gates of heaven. God himself was there and told him he would be happy to answer any questions the man might have - about anything across the entirety of Space and Time.
So of course the man said - "Was I right? Is the earth actually flat?" and God chuckled and said "Of course not".
The man shook his head in disbelief, shaken to his very core, before murmuring "...this goes even higher than I thought..."
My wife asked me "Is it just me or is the cat getting fat?"
Apparently "No it's just you" wasn't the right answer.
How many seconds in a year joke
a person died and reached the gates of heaven. An angel was guarding the gates. The Angel said "to enter the heaven, you need to answer 3 questions". The person agreed.
A : name 2 days of a week, that starts with letter T.
P : Today and tomorrow
A: ok, I can accept that. How many seconds are there in a year?
P: 12 seconds
A: (shocked) how come?
P: Jan 2nd, Feb 2nd, March 2nd ...
A: you can go in
While testing a newly installed computer, an Army officer asked the machine to predict the probability of World War Three and promptly received a one-word answer: "Yes."
Annoyed at the lack of detail, the officer
barked, "Yes, what?" Instantly the machine
replied, "Yes, sir!"
A fellow was walking along a country road when he came upon a farmer working in his field. The man called out to the farmer "How long will it take me to get to the next town?"
The farmer didn't answer. The guy waited a bit and then started walking again. After the man had gone about a hundred yards, the farmer yelled out "About 20 minutes.
Thank you. But why didn't you tell me that when I asked you?"
Didn't know how fast you could walk".
I asked the doctor where I should put my pants during my prostate examination.
Over there next to mine, was not the answer I was expecting.
Albert Einstein challenged Mr. Bean
Einstein said to Mr. Bean: "I'll ask you a question.If you can't answer correctly, you'll give me one dollar. Then you ask me a question. If I can't answer correctly, I'll give you 1000 dollars.
Einstein: asks a question.
Mr. Bean after a little while: gives Einstein one dollar.
Einstein says: Okay, it's your turn.
Mr. Bean asks: What's an animal that has four legs, but when it's crossing a street, it has three legs and when it's on the other side of the street, it has only two?
Einstein: Thinks hard for a while.
Einstein says: I give up. *Gives 1000 dollars to Mr. Bean*
Einstein asks: What is it?
Mr. Bean: gives a dollar to Einstein.
I usually ask people what LGBTQ means.
I never get a straight answer.
Today, my teacher asked me how I view lesbian relationships
Apparently, in Full HD was not the right answer
*Phone rings at work*
Boss: Why don't you answer it?
Me: I'll let it ring for a while. That way they'll think I have other stuff to do than talk on the phone.
Boss: ANSWER IT g**...!
Me: 911, what's the emergency?
I always ask what LGBT stands for...
But i never get a straight answer.
Ps: I'm very aware of its meaning(since im very gay).
I've asked thousands of people what LGBTQ+ stands for.
Nobody has given me a straight answer.
How many antivaxxers does it take to change a lightbulb?
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It's not my job to give you the answer. Do your own research.
I have the worst parents ever. I asked them how they felt on abortion, and they told me to ask my sister.
Not only did they not give a straight answer, I don't even have a sister.
I asked my Australian friend where in Australia there ISN'T something trying to kill you.
School was his answer.
I've asked so many people what LGBTQ stands for
So far no one has given me a straight answer.
Boxers or Briefs, Mr. President?
In 1992 while being interviewed by MTV, Bill Clinton was asked if he wore boxers or briefs? Clinton replied, "Boxers"
In 2008 US magazine asked Obama, "Boxers or briefs"? Obama declined to answer the question.
Last week AARP asked Joe Biden, "Boxers or briefs"? Biden responded, "Depends".
Do you know what LGBTQ stands for?
Every time I ask I can never get a straight answer
(My 6 year old's first homemade joke) What kind of clothes do cats wear to bed?
Answer: Paw-jamas
My daughter, 10, won tonight
My wife and I were stepping out to the neighbors for a get together and she is staying home tonight, so I reviewed the ground rules - don't answer the door, let the dog out the back door, call us if you need, etc.
She looked at me and said You know the rules, and so do I
Rickrolled as a dad joke.
Later, called to remind her to let the dog, who is a white goldendoodle, out. Speech to text s**... up and put make sure Ginger isn't at the door into make sure Ginger isn't at the bar
The reply?
Too late, she's white dog wasted
We have a natural here…
Can someone please tell me what LGBTQ+ stands for?
Nobody is giving me a straight answer.
In a safety meeting at work they asked me what steps I'd take in a fire
Apparently "Really big and fast ones" was the wrong answer.
A man asked a lawyer what his cheapest service was
"For $100 I answer three questions," the lawyer replied.
"Don't you think that's a bit ridiculous?" the man asked.
"Yes. What's your last question"
A man is convinced is wife is going deaf, but she won't admit it. So he decides to test his theory once and for all.
While she's standing at the sink, he stands about six steps behind her and says, "What's for dinner, dear?"
When there's no answer, he steps a few steps closer and repeats the question.
Again there's no response, so he moves right to his wife's shoulder and asks: "What's for dinner, dear?"
At this his wife turns around angrily and says, "For the third time, sausages!"
can someone tell me what LGBTQ means?
I can't get a straight answer
Three Questions
Guy goes to a lawyer. "I've got some trouble. What is your lowest rate?"
"I'll answer three questions for $100."
"That's nuts! How can you charge that?"
"Quite easily, sir. Now, what is your third and final question?"
It took a long time to teach my nephew that violence is never ever the answer.
I think I finally beat it into him.
A drunk walks up to two priests...
A drunk walks up to two priests...
He says "I'm Jesus Christ."
The priest shakes his head. "No son, you're not."
The drunk goes up to the second priest. "I'm Jesus Christ."
The second priest gives the same answer.
The drunk glares at them for a second. "Look I can prove it. Follow me." ....
He leads them to a bar and walks inside.
The bartender takes one look at him and says, "Jesus Christ, you're here AGAIN?!"
Why is it never frustrating to teach mushrooms?
Because even if they don't have the correct answer, they always have a *fun-guess.*
*dad-joke collaboration with a 7-year old*
Why did Dracula always fail job interviews?
He could never answer, "Where do you see yourself in five years?"
A Sunday school teacher posed a question to her class, "If I were to sell my house, car, donate my possessions to charity, and give all my money to the church, would I get into heaven?"
The children unanimously replied, "No."
The teacher then asked, "If I were to keep the church clean, mow the lawn, and keep everything neat and tidy, would I get into heaven?"
Once again, the answer was a resounding "No."
Apparently perplexed, the teacher asked, "Well, then how can I get into heaven?"
A quick-witted five-year-old boy piped up and replied, "You have to be dead!"
My teacher asked me how I view gay marriage.
Apparently, "in full HD" wasn't the correct answer
The new Russian AI application
ChatKGB - it's asking all the questions, and you are obligated to answer them
