Answer Jokes

194 answer jokes and hilarious answer puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about answer that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Discover witty and funny answers to jokes, questions, and riddles. Read examples of funny answers to questions like "How do you answer the phone?" and "Answer me this". Get some creative ideas for coming up with clever answers that are truthful, yet humorous.

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Funniest Answer Short Jokes

Short answer jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The answer humour may include short question jokes also.

  1. As an Aussie, Americans are always asking me where in Australia there *isn't* something trying to kill you... School is my answer
  2. What do apple and Donald Trump have in common? I would say that they both think de-porting is the answer when there's no more Jobs, but I shouldn't compare apples to oranges.
  3. What does gay mean? asked a son to his father.
    "It means 'happy,'" the father answered.
    "Oh," replied the son, "so are you gay, then?"
    "No, son, I have a wife."
  4. What do donald trump & the iPhone 7 have in common? They both think de-porting is the answer when there's no more Jobs.
  5. My girlfriend is so smart! I forgot to bring my phone, so I used my friend's phone to call her.
    She answered: "What's up, honey?"
    What a smart girl! She knew I was the one on the phone!
  6. My wife asked me why I carry around a gun in the house. And I answered, because of the decepticons!
    She laughed, I laughed, Alexa laughed, I shot Alexa.
    It was a good time.
  7. Every time I ask someone what the acronym LGBTQ stands for... I can never get a straight answer.
  8. I think my girlfriend's a secret drug dealer I just answered her phone, and this man said "is that dope still there?"
  9. 62% of Kentuckians pronounce their state capital "Loo-uh-vul", while 38% say "Loo-ee-ville". Unfortunately, the correct answer is Frankfort.
  10. Three logicians walk into a bar. The barkeeper asks: "Do you all want beer?"
    The first one answers: "I don't know."
    The second one answers: "I don't know."
    The third one answers: "Yes!"

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Answer One Liners

Which answer one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with answer? I can suggest the ones about wort and response.

  1. When you pull the pin on a grenade, how do you put it back in? Quick answers please.
  2. I usually ask people what LGBTQ means. I never get a straight answer.
  3. Can someone please tell me what LGBTQ+ stands for? Nobody is giving me a straight answer.
  4. can someone tell me what LGBTQ means? I can't get a straight answer
  5. Do you know what LGBTQ stands for? Every time I ask I can never get a straight answer
  6. Alcohol is not always the answer… …but it's worth a shot.
  7. What's black and screams Stevie wonder answering the iron
  8. I've tried calling Stephen hawking many times I keep getting his answering machine
  9. Why are students allowed to have a bible during testing? It doesn't have any answers.
  10. God finally answer my prayers for winning the $15 million lottery. The answer is no.
  11. I asked my dad what it means to be gay. But he didn't give me a straight answer.
  12. I asked 10 people what LGBT stands for But I never got a straight answer
  13. Tequila may not be the answer... ...but it's worth a shot.
  14. Somebody said today that I'm lazy. I nearly answered him.
  15. I researched about LGBT on internet today Just couldn't get a straight answer.

Question Answer Jokes

Here is a list of funny question answer jokes and even better question answer puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Interviewer: What's your greatest weakness? Me: Answering the semantics of a question but ignoring the pragmatics
    Interviewer: Could you give me an example?
    Me: Yes I could
  • TIL Calaway's Law states that "the best way to get the right answer on the internet is not to ask a question, it's to post the wrong answer." Now we wait.
  • I went to a halloween party dressed as a chicken. Met a girl dressed as an egg. A question as old as time was answered The chicken
  • School joke Teacher: Whoever answers my next question, can go home.
    One boy throws his bag out the window.
    Teacher: Who just threw that?!
    Boy: Me! I'm going home now.
  • Don't you hate it when people ask you a question just so they can answer it themselves? Because I do
  • If you watch Jeopardy backwards, it's about rich people paying money for answers to questions. That is all.
  • Went out last night dressed as a chicken and got with a girl dressed as an egg A life long question was answered. It was the chicken
  • I failed my biology test today. Apparently, "black guys" isn't the answer to the question "What is found in cells."
  • Student: I've been writing my exam for 2 hours but haven't answered a single question!!! Politics Teacher: Well done, that's an A.
  • Is it possible to stop a grenade from exploding by putting the pin back in? I need a quick answer to this question

Answer The Phone Jokes

Here is a list of funny answer the phone jokes and even better answer the phone puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Why did the Muslim take his Note 7 onto an airplane? Do I really have to answer that? Who doesn't bring their phone with them when they travel?
  • I called my wife's phone using my best friend's phone. She answered with "Hey baby"... She knew it was me before I even spoke. True love at it's finest.
  • Chuck Norris didn't dial the wrong number You answered the wrong phone
  • A man is buying a banana, an apple and two eggs. The female cashier says: "You must be single." The man answers: "Wow, how did you know that?" "I saw you browsing reddit on your phone" she replied.
  • Which crayon at the Crayola factory is in charge of answering the phones? Yellow?
  • The phone rings, and Dad asks: What does the caller ID say? Mom: It's a private caller.
    Dad: Don't answer that. We only pick up for ranks Lieutenant Caller and higher.
  • Do you know if Stephen Hawking still has his old phone number? Everytime I call, a machine answers.
  • How do they answer the phone at the burn center? Aloe
  • My girlfriend is so smart I called her from my friends phone and when she answered she said hey babe what's up? How did she know it was me?
  • Notice at a religious place Do not leave your cell phone,wallet,hand bags,gifts, un-attended; others may think they found an answer to their prayers!
Answer joke, Notice at a religious place

Wrong Answer Jokes

Here is a list of funny wrong answer jokes and even better wrong answer puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • In a safety meeting at work they asked me what steps I'd take in a fire Apparently "Really big and fast ones" was the wrong answer.
  • I was recently asked if I believed faith could move mountains. Apparently "No, but I've seen what it can do to buildings," is the wrong answer.
  • If your girlfriend's dad ever angrily asks "where do you get off" "In your daughter" is the wrong answer
  • In my day, schooling was so severe. If we got answers wrong in class, teachers would hit us with unbreakable metal rulers.
    Tough measures.
  • I was recently asked how I view lesbian relationships. Apparently "in 4K" was the wrong answer
  • As the teacher marked my quiz answers, she said, "This is wrong." "Question 2 ?" I asked.
    "No, the way your hand is resting between my thighs."
  • A feminist asked me how I view lesbian relationships. She slapped me when I answered I guess "In HD" is the wrong answer
  • I was asked on a biology test "what is most commonly found in cells" Black people was the wrong answer...
  • The doctor told me to rate my pain. Apparently "zero stars, would not recommend" was the wrong answer.
  • My biology teacher asked me what was the ugliest vegetable IMO. Apparently, Stephen Hawking was the wrong answer.

Correct Answer Jokes

Here is a list of funny correct answer jokes and even better correct answer puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • So I was in math class when the teacher asked me what comes after 69. Apparently, "I do." is not the correct answer.
  • So, my lesbian friend asked how I view lesbian relationships. In Hd was not the correct answer.
  • My wife once asked me if I would ever sleep with her sister if we split up. Which sister? is not the correct answer.
  • My wife asked me what I thought the sexiest thing was about her. Apparently, "how much you look like your sister" was not the correct answer.
  • My girlfriend just asked how mature I was on a scale of 1 to 100.. ..apparently 69 was not the correct answer.
  • I failed my Health and Safety Test today apparently when they ask what steps you should take in case of a fire, large ones was not the correct answer
  • I failed my AP Biology test... They asked; "what is something commonly found in cells?"
    Apparently black people wasn't the correct answer
  • I failed my biology test today. The question was: "What is commonly found in cells?"
    Apparently, "African Americans" wasn't the correct answer.
  • Today I Failed my Biology Test. One of the questions asked. What are normally found inside cells?
    Apparently, 'Black People' was not the correct answer.
  • My wife asked what I'd do without her. Apparently "live happily ever after" wasn't the correct answer.

Answer Me This Jokes

Here is a list of funny answer me this jokes and even better answer me this puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • I always ask what LGBT stands for... But i never get a straight answer.
    Ps: I'm very aware of its meaning(since im very gay).
  • Today I was asked how I view lesbian relationships Apparently "in HD" wasn't the right answer
  • A man is buying a banana, an apple and two eggs. The female cashier says: "You must be single." The man answers: "Wow, how did you know?"
    Cashier: "Because you're ugly."
  • During my prostate exam I asked the doctor, "where should I put my pants"? "Over there by mine", was not the answer I was expecting.
  • How many antivaxxers does it take to change a lightbulb? \-
    It's not my job to give you the answer. Do your own research.
  • "Daddy," a little girl asked her father, "do all fairy tales begin with 'Once upon a time'? " "No, sweetheart," he answered. "Some begin with 'If I am elected.'"
  • My little sister made a face at my mom and said "Guess who I am?" My mom answered "Who?"
    "Your daughter"
    courtesy of my 4 year old sister about 20 minutes ago
  • I asked my Australian friend where in Australia there ISN'T something trying to kill you. School was his answer.
  • I've asked thousands of people what LGBTQ+ stands for. Nobody has given me a straight answer.
  • I've asked so many people what LGBTQ stands for So far no one has given me a straight answer.
Answer joke, I've asked so many people what LGBTQ stands for

Quirky and Hilarious Answer Jokes to Let the Chuckles Begin.

What funny jokes about answer you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean poll jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make answer pranks.

A blonde mom is cooking dinner when her blonde daughter walks in

The daughter asks, "Mom, why do people think we blondes are s**...?"
Her mother replies, "I'll show you", and taps hard on the kitchen counter.
Somewhat confused, the blonde daughter says, "Someone's at the door!".
The blonde mother laughs. "This is why people think we're s**.... Now watch over the stove for me while I answer the door."

How Long is a Chinese name

* That's the joke.
* You have people thinking about how to answer how long the name is. When the actual joke is that the Chinese person is named How Long.
* It's pretty funny to see peoples reactions to this joke and to see how they reply to it when all you're really making is a statement.

little Johnny

Was sitting in class doing maths problems when his teacher picked him to answer a question.
"Johnny, if there were five birds sitting on a fence and you shot one with your gun how many would be left?"
"None," replied Johnny, "'Cause the rest would fly away."
"Well, the answer is four," said the teacher, "But I like the way you are thinking."
Little Johnny says, "I have a question for you now; If there were three women eating ice cream cones in a shop: one was l**... her cone, the second was biting the cone, and the third was s**... the cone, which one is married?"
"Well," said the teacher nervously, "I guess the one s**... the cone?"
"No," said Little Johnny, "The one with the wedding ring on her finger, but I like the way you are thinking."

My new vegetarian girlfriend cooked me a meal.....

My new vegetarian girlfriend cooked me one of her favourite dishes last night.
"What are these little round things", I asked.
"Have you never seen a chick-pea before?", she said.
"Of course I have, my last girlfriend was up for anything, but that doesn't answer my question".

Little Johnny at it again...

Little Johnny walked into class every morning with a black eye.
After a few days of this happening, the teacher became very worried and asked him about it.
Johnny's answer was: "Our house is very small Miss. Me, my mum and my dad, we sleep on the same bed. Every night my dad asks, 'Johnny are you sleeping?' Then I say 'No' and then he slaps my face and gives me a black eye."
So the teacher says to him, "Tonight when your dad asks again, keep dead quiet and don't say a word".
The following morning Little Johnny comes to school and no black eye, so the teacher breathes a sigh of relief. The day after that, Johnny comes back with a massive black eye again.
"My goodness Johnny, another black eye? What happened?"
Johnny explains: "Miss, Dad asked me again, 'Johnny are you sleeping?.... and I shut up and kept very still. Then my dad and my mum started moving {you know} at the same time. Mum was breathing heavy and k**... her legs all over the place.....
Then my dad asks me mum: 'Are you coming?' Then my mum says, 'Yes I'm coming, are you coming too?' and my dad answered 'Yes'.
They don't usually go anywhere without me, so i said 'Wait for me..."

So I took a biology test the other day...

One of the questions was, "name two things commonly found in cells."
Apparently, young b**... and latinos was not the right answer.

Someone asked me how we usually view l**... in this country.

Apparently, "usually in HD" wasn't the answer he was looking for.

I missed a question on my biology exam today.

The question was "what are commonly found in cells?" I guess "black people" wasn't the right answer.

A philosopher, a linguist, and a physicist were asked, "Which of your three fields is the most useful?"

The philosopher said, "What do we mean when we use the word 'useful'?"
The linguist said, "What do *you* mean when you use the word 'useful'?"
The physicist laughed and said, "The answer can be inferred by the uselessness of the other answers."

Ever ask yourself who, in a perfect world, would raise a child?

The answer should be apparent.

When my employer asked if I had a criminal record...

...I guess "highest number of robberies in an hour" wasn't the answer he was looking for.

I got my family banned from playing Family Feud today.

The category was "Describe your s**... life with a Spongebob quote"
and apparently "ARE YOU READY KIDS?" was not the right answer.

How many dead h**... do you need to change a light bulb?

Dunno. Seven's not the answer though, my basement is still dark

A kindergarten teacher asks her students what animals provide us...

She said, "What does a chicken give us?" and the students replied, "Eggs". She then asked, "What does a pig give us?" and the students replied a joyous "Bacon". Finally she asked "What does a cow give us?" and before anyone could answer little Johnny said "Homework".
Joke provided by my ten year old son.

I had a job interview...

...the interviewer slid his laptop across the table and said "sell this to me."
I closed the screen, unplugged it, and left.
I ignored his calls for about three hours. When I did answer, he said "Where is my laptop?!"
"You wanna buy it?"

A young priest asked his bishop, May I smoke while praying? ...

The answer was an emphatic No!
Later, when he sees an older priest puffing on a cigarette while praying, the younger priest scolded him, You shouldn't be smoking while praying! I asked the bishop, and he said I couldn't do it!
That's odd, the old priest replied. I asked the bishop if I could pray while I'm smoking, and he told me that it was okay to pray at any time!


An old man walks up to a kid waiting at a bus stop. He says to the boy h-how d-d-do I g-get t-to high st-street? The boy looks at him but doesn't answer. The old man asks the boy a second time, and no answer. By this time, another man came by the bus stop, and gave the directions. Knowing the boy as being a local kid, he says to him "why didn't you give that man directions? Your local you know where it is." The boy replied "d-did you t-think I-I w-wanted m-m-my a-a**... k-k-kicked?

One, day little Johnny asks his father,

"Daddy where do i come from?"
The mother and father, had been preparing for this, for a very long time.
"Well son, when a Man and a Woman love each-other very much..."
After explaining the details and science to his Son, who had a puzzled look on his face the Father turned to his child,
"Well son, does that answer your question?"
"Not really Susan from school told me she came from Italy."

A drunk walks up to two priests.

He says "I'm Jesus Christ." The priest shakes his head. "No son, you're not." The drunk goes up to the second priest. "I'm Jesus Christ."
The second priest gives the same answer.
The drunk glares at them for a second. "Look I can prove it. Follow me." He leads them to a bar and walks inside. The bartender takes one look at him and says "Jesus Christ, you're here again?!"

My girlfriend's dad asked me what I do...

Apparently "your daughter" wasn't the right answer.

A teacher asks her class to use 'contagious' in a sentence

A teacher asks her class to use the word 'contagious' in a sentence. Sally, the class genius, raises her hand and says, "Last year I got the mumps, and my mom said it was contagious."
"Very good," says the teacher. "Would anyone else like to try?"
Little Johnny raises his hand and stands to give his answer.
"Our mean next door neighbor was painting her house by hand, and my dad said it would take the contagious.

Little Johnny is back

In the class the teacher said: "the first person to answer my question will go home early".
Little Johnny threw his bag outside.
Teacher asked: "Whose bag is that???"
Johnny answered: "It's mine....
bye bye!"

My girlfriend asked me how do i see lesbian relationships

Apparently 'In HD' wasn't the right answer.

I was asked by a feminist how I viewed lesbian relationships

I guess in HD was not the answer she was expecting.

My sister asked me if I was gay

I couldn't give her a straight answer.

My wife asked me how I was going to feel when our son started dating...

Apparently jealous was not the right answer.

Are we as a society going to reject clickbait journalism?

The answer may surprise you!

Today my wife asked, "would you still love me if I was ugly and fat?"

Turns out "Yes I do" was not the right answer.

o**... Bin Laden's son comes home from school crying...

He asks him: "What's wrong son, what happened?"
"The teacher asked the class what the tallest building in New York is, and I got the answer wrong."
"Why, what did you answer?"
"The Empire State Building."
"Don't worry son, daddy will take care of it."

A guy dressed as a Chicken for Halloween finds a girl dressed as an egg.

Apparently the answer is Chicken.

In biology class my teacher asked "What is most commonly found in cells?"

Apparently "black people" was not the right answer

So, I asked my grandfather why he doesn't have a life insurance

His answer? "Because I want you to be truly sad when I'm gone" :(

Today a Gender Studies student asked me how our society viewed l**...

Apparently, in HD wasn't the correct answer.
Time to update my display to 4K.

So doctor, do I have rabies?

Doc: Short answer. Yes.
Patient: What's the long answer?
Doc: Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeessssssssssss.

During an argument with my wife, she dropped the old "why did you even marry me?" line.

Apparently "Your sister was already taken" was not the right answer.

Three old men

Three elderly men were at the doctor for a memory test. The doctor asked the first man, "What is three times three?" "274," was his reply.
The doctor said to the second man, "It's your turn. What is three times three?" "Tuesday", he replied.
Then the doctor asked the third man, "Okay, your turn. What's three times three"? "Nine", he answered. "That's great!" said the doctor. "How did you get that answer?
"Easy," said the third man. "I subtracted 274 from Tuesday."

What time is it?

A blonde asked someone what time it was, and they told her it was 4:45. The blonde, with a puzzled look on her face replied,
"You know, it's the weirdest thing, I have been asking that question all day, and each time I get a different answer."

How many vegans does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to screw in the light bulb and one to tell you they are vegans.
Well apparently the correct answer is three. The extra one is needed to post whiny replies when they all get triggered by this joke.

My crush told me that I was like a brother to her while we were in the car...

We were driving to New York at the time, and about halfway up the east coast she told me I was like a brother to her. She was surprised when I proceeded to turn the car around and drive the other way without even acting phased. She asked "where are we going now?" My only answer was "Alabama."

The girl I'm dating likes to answer the phone during s**...

I think I'm going to stop calling her...

Roll call on the first day of school in London, England....

Ahmed Al Sheriah ............................."Here."
Mustafa Al Sheriah ............................"Here."
Fatima El Bindihiri ............................."Here."
Ali Acmah Shabeeb ............................."Here."
Ali Sun Al En ..........................No answer.
Ali Sun Al En?
A little girl at the back stands up and yells .... "It's pronounced Alison Allen, for Christ's sake!"

I doubt v**... is the answer....

But it's worth a shot

I failed a biology test today, they had asked me what was commonly found in cells

Apparently black people was not the answer.

I got fired from PC World today.

A guy came in the store and asked me what was the best thing for finding your ancestors.
Probably a shovel was not the right answer.

"Okay Fred, Shaggy and Daphne, can you name an animal that lives in Africa and has a large horn on its face?"

"We know you know the answer, s**..., but it's not your turn."

s**... education

Dave's wife said to him, "If our kids are old enough to ask a question about s**..., then they are old enough to be told a truthful answer."
Just then his son came home from school and asked him what a b**... was.
"Son," said Dave, "I can't remember."

My wife asked me which of her friends I want to have a t**... with

Now she's mad at my answer.
I guess I was suppose to only say one name, not two,

Today in church they asked what a Bishop does

Apparently move diagonally wasn't the answer they were looking for.

One day, a teacher said "Whoever can answer my next question can get dismissed now".

Tom threw his bag outside the window.
The teacher asked angrily "Who threw the bag?"
Tom answered "It's me! "
Tom got dismissed early.

My father always told me son if you want to succeed in life never take no for an answer

Terrible father, great r**...

A man goes to a Halloween party dressed up as a chicken and he meets a girl dressed up as an egg.

The answer is the chicken.

Why did the high school girl only answer questions 1, 3, 5 and 7 on her exam?

Because she literally can't even.

I asked my veteran friend what the first ranking is in the military, but I couldn't get a straight answer.

He just kept telling me it's private.

I had a prostate exam the other day...

When I entered the examination room and asked the doctor where I should put my trousers, I have to say, "over there with mine" was not the answer I was expecting.

I was going through airport security and I got asked "Do you have any firearms?"

Apparently, "What do you need?" wasn't the right answer.

During my job interview I was asked: After a long week how do you normally recharge your batteries

Apparently through high voltage n**... c**... wasn't the answer they were expecting.

From my 8 year old son

Why can't you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom? Answer: Cause the Pee is silent

Brett Kavanaugh has stated that he will not be pressured into withdrawing his Supreme Court bid by the allegations made against him.

He sounds like the kind of guy who just won't take 'no' for an answer.

Whenever I'm asked "What happened in 1492?", people are always surprised by my answer.

Nobody expects "The Spanish Inquisition".

A flat-Earther died, and to his surprise found himself standing on a cloud in front of the gates of heaven

A flat-Earther died, and to his surprise found himself standing on a cloud in front of the gates of heaven. God himself was there and told him he would be happy to answer any questions the man might have - about anything across the entirety of Space and Time.
So of course the man said - "Was I right? Is the earth actually flat?" and God chuckled and said "Of course not".
The man shook his head in disbelief, shaken to his very core, before murmuring "...this goes even higher than I thought..."

Answer joke, A flat-Earther died, and to his surprise found himself standing on a cloud in front of the gates of

jokes about answer