Answer Jokes
194 answer jokes and hilarious answer puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about answer that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Discover witty and funny answers to jokes, questions, and riddles. Read examples of funny answers to questions like "How do you answer the phone?" and "Answer me this". Get some creative ideas for coming up with clever answers that are truthful, yet humorous.
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Funniest Answer Short Jokes
Short answer jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The answer humour may include short question jokes also.
- What do apple and Donald Trump have in common? I would say that they both think de-porting is the answer when there's no more Jobs, but I shouldn't compare apples to oranges.
- My girlfriend is so smart! I forgot to bring my phone, so I used my friend's phone to call her.
She answered: "What's up, honey?"
What a smart girl! She knew I was the one on the phone! - Every time I ask someone what the acronym LGBTQ stands for... I can never get a straight answer.
- I think my girlfriend's a secret drug dealer I just answered her phone, and this man said "is that dope still there?"
- 62% of Kentuckians pronounce their state capital "Loo-uh-vul", while 38% say "Loo-ee-ville". Unfortunately, the correct answer is Frankfort.
- Three logicians walk into a bar. The barkeeper asks: "Do you all want beer?"
The first one answers: "I don't know."
The second one answers: "I don't know."
The third one answers: "Yes!" - I always ask what LGBT stands for... But i never get a straight answer.
Ps: I'm very aware of its meaning(since im very gay). - Today I was asked how I view lesbian relationships Apparently "in HD" wasn't the right answer
- During my prostate exam I asked the doctor, "where should I put my pants"? "Over there by mine", was not the answer I was expecting.
- How many antivaxxers does it take to change a lightbulb? \-
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It's not my job to give you the answer. Do your own research.
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Answer One Liners
Which answer one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with answer? I can suggest the ones about wort and response.
- When you pull the pin on a grenade, how do you put it back in? Quick answers please.
- Alcohol is not always the answer… …but it's worth a shot.
- What's black and screams Stevie wonder answering the iron
- I've tried calling Stephen hawking many times I keep getting his answering machine
- Why are students allowed to have a bible during testing? It doesn't have any answers.
- God finally answer my prayers for winning the $15 million lottery. The answer is no.
- I asked my dad what it means to be gay. But he didn't give me a straight answer.
- I asked 10 people what LGBT stands for But I never got a straight answer
- Tequila may not be the answer... ...but it's worth a shot.
- Somebody said today that I'm lazy. I nearly answered him.
- Chuck Norris didn't dial the wrong number You answered the wrong phone
- Are we as a society going to reject clickbait journalism? The answer may surprise you!
- My sister asked me if I was gay I couldn't give her a straight answer.
- I asked my friend if he was gay He didn't give me a straight answer
- Which crayon at the Crayola factory is in charge of answering the phones? Yellow?
Question Answer Jokes
Here is a list of funny question answer jokes and even better question answer puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Interviewer: What's your greatest weakness? Me: Answering the semantics of a question but ignoring the pragmatics
Interviewer: Could you give me an example?
Me: Yes I could - TIL Calaway's Law states that "the best way to get the right answer on the internet is not to ask a question, it's to post the wrong answer." Now we wait.
- I went to a halloween party dressed as a chicken. Met a girl dressed as an egg. A question as old as time was answered The chicken
- Don't you hate it when people ask you a question just so they can answer it themselves? Because I do
- If you watch Jeopardy backwards, it's about rich people paying money for answers to questions. That is all.
- Student: I've been writing my exam for 2 hours but haven't answered a single question!!! Politics Teacher: Well done, that's an A.
- A true work question I texted my boss, "What's the difference between this morning and your daughter?"
He answered, "I don't know."
I replied, "I'm not coming in this morning." - As the teacher marked my quiz answers, she said, "This is wrong." "Question 2 ?" I asked.
"No, the way your hand is resting between my thighs." - Why did the high school girl only answer questions 1, 3, 5 and 7 on her exam? Because she literally can't even.
- The teacher says "If you answer my question, you can go home." One student throws a pen at him. The teacher asks "Who did that?"
"It was me, goodbye."
Answer The Phone Jokes
Here is a list of funny answer the phone jokes and even better answer the phone puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I called my wife's phone using my best friend's phone. She answered with "Hey baby"... She knew it was me before I even spoke. True love at it's finest.
- A man is buying a banana, an apple and two eggs. The female cashier says: "You must be single." The man answers: "Wow, how did you know that?" "I saw you browsing reddit on your phone" she replied.
- Do you know if Stephen Hawking still has his old phone number? Everytime I call, a machine answers.
- How do they answer the phone at the burn center? Aloe
- Notice at a religious place Do not leave your cell phone,wallet,hand bags,gifts, un-attended; others may think they found an answer to their prayers!
- How does Yo-Yo Ma answer the phone? Cello?
- My Pastor shouted "Jesus is the answer!" I looked back to my phone, he was wrong, it was "lapse." Gave me the E and the S, though.
- I was about to win a race but my phone went off and I stopped to answer it, in the end I finished last. I shouldn't have done it in the first place.
- Why didn't the dog answer his phone? It was ringing with no collar ID.
- My iPhone screen went black but I can still hear my ringtone and answer phone calls It's just an earPhone now.
Wrong Answer Jokes
Here is a list of funny wrong answer jokes and even better wrong answer puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- In a safety meeting at work they asked me what steps I'd take in a fire Apparently "Really big and fast ones" was the wrong answer.
- I was recently asked if I believed faith could move mountains. Apparently "No, but I've seen what it can do to buildings," is the wrong answer.
- If your girlfriend's dad ever angrily asks "where do you get off" "In your daughter" is the wrong answer
- In my day, schooling was so severe. If we got answers wrong in class, teachers would hit us with unbreakable metal rulers.
Tough measures. - The doctor told me to rate my pain. Apparently "zero stars, would not recommend" was the wrong answer.
- My biology teacher asked me what was the ugliest vegetable IMO. Apparently, Stephen Hawking was the wrong answer.
- A feminist asked me how I see lesbian relationships. "In HD" was apparently the wrong answer.
- My wife got angry when I said "Samsung"... Apparently that was the wrong answer to: "What oven should I buy to match my cooking style?"
- An art museum robber is caught when he tries to get away.... A reporter asks him what went wrong with the robbery. He answers " I didn't have the Monet to buy Degas to make the Van Gogh.
- My teacher asked me what a main feature of a greek tragedy was.... Apparently Bankruptcy was the wrong answer.
Correct Answer Jokes
Here is a list of funny correct answer jokes and even better correct answer puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- So I was in math class when the teacher asked me what comes after 69. Apparently, "I do." is not the correct answer.
- My wife once asked me if I would ever sleep with her sister if we split up. Which sister? is not the correct answer.
- My wife asked me what I thought the sexiest thing was about her. Apparently, "how much you look like your sister" was not the correct answer.
- My girlfriend just asked how mature I was on a scale of 1 to 100.. ..apparently 69 was not the correct answer.
- I failed my Health and Safety Test today apparently when they ask what steps you should take in case of a fire, large ones was not the correct answer
- I failed my AP Biology test... They asked; "what is something commonly found in cells?"
Apparently black people wasn't the correct answer - My wife asked what I'd do without her. Apparently "live happily ever after" wasn't the correct answer.
- Is there a word to describe answers that are completely correct but entirely useless? Yes, there is.
- My wife asked me what her favorite type of flower was. Apparently "All-Purpose" wasn't the correct answer.
- My teacher asked me how I view gay marriage. Apparently, "in full HD" wasn't the correct answer
Answer Me This Jokes
Here is a list of funny answer me this jokes and even better answer me this puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- "Daddy," a little girl asked her father, "do all fairy tales begin with 'Once upon a time'? " "No, sweetheart," he answered. "Some begin with 'If I am elected.'"
- My little sister made a face at my mom and said "Guess who I am?" My mom answered "Who?"
"Your daughter"
courtesy of my 4 year old sister about 20 minutes ago - I asked my Australian friend where in Australia there ISN'T something trying to kill you. School was his answer.
- A man goes to a Halloween party dressed up as a chicken and he meets a girl dressed up as an egg. The answer is the chicken.
- I have the worst parents ever. I asked them how they felt on abortion, and they told me to ask my sister. Not only did they not give a straight answer, I don't even have a sister.
- My son asked me, "Daddy, why do bees stay in the hive in the winter?" I smiled and answered... "Swarm."
- Today in church they asked what a Bishop does Apparently move diagonally wasn't the answer they were looking for.
- A wife was dying. A wife was dying. She called her husband and said, "Gary, I've been unfaithful."
Gary answered, "I know. That's why I poisoned you." - I went to the store and said to the worker, "I need a battery so I can tell the time." He asked, "Is it for a clock?" I answered... "I don't know! That's why I need the battery!"
- During an argument with my wife, she dropped the old "why did you even marry me?" line. Apparently "Your sister was already taken" was not the right answer.
Quirky and Hilarious Answer Jokes to Let the Chuckles Begin.
What funny jokes about answer you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean poll jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make answer pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
As an Aussie, Americans are always asking me where in Australia there *isn't* something trying to kill you...
School is my answer
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A blonde mom is cooking dinner when her blonde daughter walks in
The daughter asks, "Mom, why do people think we blondes are s**...?"
Her mother replies, "I'll show you", and taps hard on the kitchen counter.
Somewhat confused, the blonde daughter says, "Someone's at the door!".
The blonde mother laughs. "This is why people think we're s**.... Now watch over the stove for me while I answer the door."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A riddle for the day
A riddle for the day
Arnold Schwarzenegger has a big one.
Michael J. Fox has a small one.
Madonna doesn't have one.
The Pope has one but doesn't use it.
Clinton uses his all the time.
Mickey Mouse has an unusual one.
Liberace never used his on women.
j**... Seinfeld is very, very proud of his.
Cher claims that she took on 3.
We never saw Lucy use Desi's.
What is it? Answer below! (this is pretty good )
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The answer is: "A Last Name."
Sorry Folks...No Dirty Jokes Here!
Other students come by train
A student to his father:
Dear father,
Berlin is a fantastic city, people are nice and I really like that city. But, I am a bit ashamed to come to school with my golden plated Ferrari whereas professors and other students come by train.
Love,
Your son
Next day, an answer comes:
My dear son,
I transferred 20M€ to your bank account. Please buy your train quickly.
Your loving father.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A funny joke indeed
A new pastor was visiting the homes of his parishioners.
At one house it seemed obvious that someone was at home, but no answer came to his repeated knocks at the door. Therefore, he took out a card and wrote "Revelation 3:20" on the back of it and stuck it in the door.
When the offering was processed the following Sunday, he found that his card had been returned. Added to it was this cryptic message, Genesis 3:10."
Reaching for his Bible to check out the citation, he broke up in gales of laughter.
Revelation 3:20 begins "Behold, I stand at the door and knock." Genesis 3:10 reads, "I heard your voice in the garden and I was afraid, for I was n**...."
How Long is a Chinese name
* That's the joke.
* You have people thinking about how to answer how long the name is. When the actual joke is that the Chinese person is named How Long.
* It's pretty funny to see peoples reactions to this joke and to see how they reply to it when all you're really making is a statement.
100 camels
A man and his wife are traveling in the Middle East. An Arab approaches the husband, saying, "I'll give you for your woman."
After a long silence, the husband says, "She's not for sale."
The indignant wife says, "What took you so long to answer?"
The husband replied, "I was trying to figure out how to get back home.
Three nuns die in a car accident. They arrive at the pearly gates...
...and St. Peter greets them, "welcome to heaven sisters! Before I let you in I have to ask you each a question that you must answer to be accepted into heaven."
The first nun steps up, and St. Peter asks, "who is the son of god?" The nun says, "that's easy. Jesus." The gates open, and she strolls into heaven.
The second one steps up. "Who is Jesus' mother?" She answers, "Mary," and the gates open.
The third nun steps up, and he asks, "What was the first thing Eve said to Adam?" The nun looks flustered, and she says, "that's a really hard one..." And the gates open.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
little Johnny
Was sitting in class doing maths problems when his teacher picked him to answer a question.
"Johnny, if there were five birds sitting on a fence and you shot one with your gun how many would be left?"
"None," replied Johnny, "'Cause the rest would fly away."
"Well, the answer is four," said the teacher, "But I like the way you are thinking."
Little Johnny says, "I have a question for you now; If there were three women eating ice cream cones in a shop: one was l**... her cone, the second was biting the cone, and the third was s**... the cone, which one is married?"
"Well," said the teacher nervously, "I guess the one s**... the cone?"
"No," said Little Johnny, "The one with the wedding ring on her finger, but I like the way you are thinking."
My new vegetarian girlfriend cooked me a meal.....
My new vegetarian girlfriend cooked me one of her favourite dishes last night.
"What are these little round things", I asked.
"Have you never seen a chick-pea before?", she said.
"Of course I have, my last girlfriend was up for anything, but that doesn't answer my question".
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Little Johnny at it again...
Little Johnny walked into class every morning with a black eye.
After a few days of this happening, the teacher became very worried and asked him about it.
Johnny's answer was: "Our house is very small Miss. Me, my mum and my dad, we sleep on the same bed. Every night my dad asks, 'Johnny are you sleeping?' Then I say 'No' and then he slaps my face and gives me a black eye."
So the teacher says to him, "Tonight when your dad asks again, keep dead quiet and don't say a word".
The following morning Little Johnny comes to school and no black eye, so the teacher breathes a sigh of relief. The day after that, Johnny comes back with a massive black eye again.
"My goodness Johnny, another black eye? What happened?"
Johnny explains: "Miss, Dad asked me again, 'Johnny are you sleeping?.... and I shut up and kept very still. Then my dad and my mum started moving {you know} at the same time. Mum was breathing heavy and k**... her legs all over the place.....
Then my dad asks me mum: 'Are you coming?' Then my mum says, 'Yes I'm coming, are you coming too?' and my dad answered 'Yes'.
They don't usually go anywhere without me, so i said 'Wait for me..."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The other day my European friend ask me about our views on l**... in this country.
Apparently, "usually in HD" was not the answer she was looking for
P.S sorry english not my native language
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I missed a question on my biology exam today.
The question was "what are commonly found in cells?" I guess "black people" wasn't the right answer.
A philosopher, a linguist, and a physicist were asked, "Which of your three fields is the most useful?"
The philosopher said, "What do we mean when we use the word 'useful'?"
The linguist said, "What do *you* mean when you use the word 'useful'?"
The physicist laughed and said, "The answer can be inferred by the uselessness of the other answers."
Ever ask yourself who, in a perfect world, would raise a child?
The answer should be apparent.
When my employer asked if I had a criminal record...
...I guess "highest number of robberies in an hour" wasn't the answer he was looking for.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I got my family banned from playing Family Feud today.
The category was "Describe your s**... life with a Spongebob quote"
and apparently "ARE YOU READY KIDS?" was not the right answer.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do we want? CLICKBAIT!
When do we want it? The answer will shock you...
*****
A young priest asked his bishop, May I smoke while praying? ...
The answer was an emphatic No!
Later, when he sees an older priest puffing on a cigarette while praying, the younger priest scolded him, You shouldn't be smoking while praying! I asked the bishop, and he said I couldn't do it!
That's odd, the old priest replied. I asked the bishop if I could pray while I'm smoking, and he told me that it was okay to pray at any time!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Stutter
An old man walks up to a kid waiting at a bus stop. He says to the boy h-how d-d-do I g-get t-to high st-street? The boy looks at him but doesn't answer. The old man asks the boy a second time, and no answer. By this time, another man came by the bus stop, and gave the directions. Knowing the boy as being a local kid, he says to him "why didn't you give that man directions? Your local you know where it is." The boy replied "d-did you t-think I-I w-wanted m-m-my a-a**... k-k-kicked?
One, day little Johnny asks his father,
"Daddy where do i come from?"
The mother and father, had been preparing for this, for a very long time.
"Well son, when a Man and a Woman love each-other very much..."
After explaining the details and science to his Son, who had a puzzled look on his face the Father turned to his child,
"Well son, does that answer your question?"
"Not really Susan from school told me she came from Italy."
What is a catchy Girl's name?
Answer: Annette
My girlfriend's dad asked me what I do...
Apparently "your daughter" wasn't the right answer.
A teacher asks her class to use 'contagious' in a sentence
A teacher asks her class to use the word 'contagious' in a sentence. Sally, the class genius, raises her hand and says, "Last year I got the mumps, and my mom said it was contagious."
"Very good," says the teacher. "Would anyone else like to try?"
Little Johnny raises his hand and stands to give his answer.
"Our mean next door neighbor was painting her house by hand, and my dad said it would take the contagious.
Little Johnny is back
In the class the teacher said: "the first person to answer my question will go home early".
Little Johnny threw his bag outside.
Teacher asked: "Whose bag is that???"
Johnny answered: "It's mine....
bye bye!"
Discrimination
Three first-graders are flunking their class. The teacher calls them in and tells them: "I will ask you one question each, if you can answer it, you pass."
"Jim, how do you spell 'Cow'?"
"Jack, how do you spell 'Car'?"
"Muhammad, how do you spell 'Racial discrimination'?"
My wife asked me how I was going to feel when our son started dating...
Apparently jealous was not the right answer.
Today my wife asked, "would you still love me if I was ugly and fat?"
Turns out "Yes I do" was not the right answer.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
o**... Bin Laden's son comes home from school crying...
He asks him: "What's wrong son, what happened?"
"The teacher asked the class what the tallest building in New York is, and I got the answer wrong."
"Why, what did you answer?"
"The Empire State Building."
"Don't worry son, daddy will take care of it."
A teacher asks a student..
Teacher: I'm gonna ask you a question and I want you to answer fast. Got it?
Student: Yes teacher.
Teacher: What is 2+2?
Student: FAST!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why did the Muslim take his Note 7 onto an airplane?
Do I really have to answer that? Who doesn't bring their phone with them when they travel?
So, I asked my grandfather why he doesn't have a life insurance
His answer? "Because I want you to be truly sad when I'm gone" :(
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Today a Gender Studies student asked me how our society viewed l**...
Apparently, in HD wasn't the correct answer.
Time to update my display to 4K.
So doctor, do I have rabies?
Doc: Short answer. Yes.
Patient: What's the long answer?
Doc: Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeessssssssssss.
Three old men
Three elderly men were at the doctor for a memory test. The doctor asked the first man, "What is three times three?" "274," was his reply.
The doctor said to the second man, "It's your turn. What is three times three?" "Tuesday", he replied.
Then the doctor asked the third man, "Okay, your turn. What's three times three"? "Nine", he answered. "That's great!" said the doctor. "How did you get that answer?
"Easy," said the third man. "I subtracted 274 from Tuesday."
I went to a party dressed as an egg
and I hooked up with a guy dressed as a chicken.
I guess we have an answer to that age old question.
It was the chicken.
My crush told me that I was like a brother to her while we were in the car...
We were driving to New York at the time, and about halfway up the east coast she told me I was like a brother to her. She was surprised when I proceeded to turn the car around and drive the other way without even acting phased. She asked "where are we going now?" My only answer was "Alabama."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The girl I'm dating likes to answer the phone during s**...
I think I'm going to stop calling her...
Roll call on the first day of school in London, England....
Ahmed Al Sheriah ............................."Here."
Mustafa Al Sheriah ............................"Here."
Fatima El Bindihiri ............................."Here."
Ali Acmah Shabeeb ............................."Here."
Ali Sun Al En ..........................No answer.
Ali Sun Al En?
A little girl at the back stands up and yells .... "It's pronounced Alison Allen, for Christ's sake!"
I failed a biology test today, they had asked me what was commonly found in cells
Apparently black people was not the answer.
I got fired from PC World today.
A guy came in the store and asked me what was the best thing for finding your ancestors.
Probably a shovel was not the right answer.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I recently failed out of military school when I was asked what steps I would take to ensure my safety during a t**... attack.
Apparently, 'Fucking large ones' wasn't the right answer.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
"Okay Fred, Shaggy and Daphne, can you name an animal that lives in Africa and has a large horn on its face?"
"Rhino!"
"We know you know the answer, s**..., but it's not your turn."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
s**... education
Dave's wife said to him, "If our kids are old enough to ask a question about s**..., then they are old enough to be told a truthful answer."
Just then his son came home from school and asked him what a b**... was.
"Son," said Dave, "I can't remember."
My brother asked me which super power I'd like
Apparently the united states wasn't a good answer.
You know you're old when...
...your wife says, "Honey, let's run upstairs and make love" and your answer is, "I cannot do both."
One day, a teacher said "Whoever can answer my next question can get dismissed now".
Tom threw his bag outside the window.
The teacher asked angrily "Who threw the bag?"
Tom answered "It's me! "
Tom got dismissed early.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My father always told me son if you want to succeed in life never take no for an answer
Terrible father, great r**...
A man walks into a lawyer's office...
The man says, "I can't afford your hourly rate, but if I give you $200 will you answer two questions for me?"
The lawyer says, "Absolutely - what is your second question?"
I asked my veteran friend what the first ranking is in the military, but I couldn't get a straight answer.
He just kept telling me it's private.
What's the best thing about dating 26 year olds?
Honestly I'm looking for a persuasive answer, I need to tell my wife something convincing or she's going to straight up kill me.
I was going through airport security and I got asked "Do you have any firearms?"
Apparently, "What do you need?" wasn't the right answer.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
During my job interview I was asked: After a long week how do you normally recharge your batteries
Apparently through high voltage n**... c**... wasn't the answer they were expecting.
Brett Kavanaugh has stated that he will not be pressured into withdrawing his Supreme Court bid by the allegations made against him.
He sounds like the kind of guy who just won't take 'no' for an answer.
I was trying to pull a girl in a bar, so I asked her 'What part of my body is as long as your thigh, contains over 120 muscles, and is an anagram of "pensi"?'
It was as she pulled my pants down in the bedroom five minutes later that I revealed the answer was my spine.
The teacher asks, "Flora, what part of the human body increases ten times when excited?"
Flora blushes and says, "That's disgusting, I won't even answer that question." The teacher calls on Johnny: "What part of the human body increases ten times when excited?" "That's easy," says Johnny. "It's the pupil of the eye." "Very good, Johnny," responds the teacher. "That's correct." She then turns to Flora and says, "First, you didn't do your homework. Second, you have a dirty mind. And third, you're in for a BIG disappointment."
