Anonymous Jokes

Following is our collection of secure humor and unnamed one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. They include Anonymous puns for adults, dirty awomen jokes or clean 4chan gags for kids.

There is an abundance of unknown jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 59 funniest jokes on anonymous. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any moto witze you can hear about anonymous.

The Best jokes about Anonymous

So I heard that the hackers "Anonymous" are waging war on ISIS and al-Qaeda...

Quite ironic that 72 virgins will be attacking the terrorists!

So, Anonymous has declared war on ISIS

... ironic that 72 virgins are now attacking the terrorists

"Hello, is this anonymous NSA hotline?"

"Yes, David, how can we help you?"

"Hello everyone, welcome to Plastic Surgery Addicts Anonymous."

"I see a lot of new faces here tonight, and I have to say I'm pretty disappointed."

Welcome to Masturbation Addicts Anonymous!

I see everyone came today, which is disappointing.


Welcome to Masturbators Anonymous.

I'm disappointed that you all came today.

Plastic surgery anonymous

"Hello everyone, welcome to plastic surgery addicts anonymous, I see a lot of new faces here today and I have to say I'm really disappointed with you all..."

Welcome to plastic surgery anonymous

I'm seeing a lot of new faces in the crowd this week and I have to say i'm really disappointed.

I didn't know what to wear to my first Masturbaters Anonymous meeting the other day...

So I just came in my pants

Welcome back to plastic surgery anonymous

I see a lot of new faces today.

Welcome to plastic surgery addicts anonymous

I see some new faces with us today so I must say I'm disappointed.


If you're thinking about joining Hypochondriacs Anonymous remember...

The first step is admitting you don't have a problem.

Write a wise saying and your name will live on.

----Anonymous

I went to Premature Ejaculators Anonymous but nobody was there.

I guess I came too soon.

Well... Well... Well...

Welcome to stutterers anonymous

My favorite quote.

"Deep down, every human being just wants to be remembered." – *anonymous*

Welcome to Plastic Surgery Addicts Anonymous...

... I see a few new faces here and I have to admit, I'm disappointed.

The reason men aren't allowed to run advice in "Love Columns" in magazines and newspapers..

Anonymous:
Hi! I'm a lady aged 26 married with one kid. Last week my husband was off duty and I had to drive alone to work. I left my husband with the maid and my baby at home. I drove for just about two miles from home and my car engine started to overheat so I had to turn back to get another car. When I got home I found my husband in bed with our maid. I don't know what to do now. Please help!

Reply:
Dear Anonymous,
Overheating of engine after such short distance can be caused by problems associated with the carburettor. You need to check your oil and water level in your engine before you start your journey. You must also make sure your car is serviced regularly to avoid problems in future.
Hope this helped you.

Welcome to plastic surgery addicts anonymous

I see a lot of new faces here this week, and I just want you to know I'm disappointed.


Tried to go to my first premature ejaculators anonymous meeting today

Turns out its tomorrow.

At Hypochondriacs Anonymous....

The first step is admitting you don't have a problem.

I called Masturbators Anonymous to let them know I wouldn't be at the meeting...

...because I'm just not feeling myself today.

I told my buddy we should go to a gambling anonymous meeting. He said 'Why? We don't have gambling problems!'

I replied, 'You wanna bet?'

So the Hacker group Anonymous just declared war on ISIS and Al-Queida

Quite ironic that terrorists will be killed by 72 virgins.

"Hello, Police? I'd like to report an anonymous tip."

Me: Hello, Police? I'd like to report an anonymous tip.

Dispatcher: Go ahead.

Me: Flossing daily reduces your risk of tooth decay.

An American an Russian were arguing about whose country is the best...

The American said, "Look, in America I can walk into the Oval Office, I can pound the President's desk and say Mr President, I don't like the way you're running our country."

The Russian said, "I can do that."

The American asked, "You can?"

The Russian replied, "Yes, in my country I can go to the Kremlin, to President Putin's office, pound his desk and say Mr. President, I don't like the way President Trump is running his country."

Joke by: Anonymous Source (Definitely not Comey)

What's the best place to find anonymous tips?

A glory hole.

"Hello, is this the anonymous FBI tip line?"

"Yes, Dave."

Minimum Wage

The Montana Department of Employment, Division of Labor Standards got an anonymous tip that a small rancher was not paying proper wages to his help. They immediately sent an official agent out to investigate him.

GOVT AGENT: I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them.

RANCHER: Well, there's my hired hand who's been with me for 3 years. I pay him $350 a week plus free room and board.

GOVT AGENT: Well, those payments and conditions are within the law. Anybody else work here?

RANCHER: Well, I wasn't going to say. But there's also a mentally challenged guy. He works about 18 hours every day and does about 90% of all the work on the ranch. He makes about $10 per week, sometimes less. He pays his own room and board. I do buy him a bottle of bourbon every Saturday night so he can cope with life, but then sometimes he tries to make love to my wife.

GOVT AGENT: Okay, yes, then THAT's the guy I heard about, and need to talk to -- the mentally challenged one.

RANCHER: That would be me.

Why do Canadians call alcohol anonymous triple A?

AA, Eh

Hello and welcome to Contradictions Anonymous.

What's your name?

What is the hardest thing about being in Hypochondriacs Anonymous?

Admitting that you don't have a problem.

I hosted an Erectile Dysfunction Anonymous meeting

Nobody came

Did you hear about the undercover cop who uncovered a glory hole in a public toilet?

Turns out he received an anonymous tip.

I'm happy to invite you to tomorrow's "Masturbaters Anonymous" meeting.

Please come alone

What do you call a nine-sided polygon that wishes to remain anonymous?

anonagon.

Thank you for calling the anonymous NSA hotline

What would you like to report, Peter?

Books Never Written

Hey guys, don't know if you're familiar with these kind of jokes, but they were my favorite growing up, so I thought I'd post a bunch of the here. They're pretty corny, but I hope you enjoy!

*Take A Breather* by Justin Hale

*How to Become Famous* by Anonymous

*Living Long* by Diane Perish

*How to Get Rich* by Robin A. Bank

*I'm So Greedy* by Jenna Russ

*How to Drive a Manual Transmission* by Otto Matic

*How to be a Great Pilot* by Mae Day

*Where to Find Wildebeests* By Sara N. Getti

*Raising Kids* by Bill E. Goat

*Warriors of Feudal Japan* by Sam A. Rye

*Woodwind Instruments* by Clara Net

*Tragedy at the Grand Canyon* by Eileen Dover

*The Human Brain* by Sir E. Brum and Sara Bellum

*Deep in Debt* by Owen A. Lott

*The World is a Big Place* by Mike Robe

*Confessions of a Mental Patient* by Justin Sane

Did you hear anonymous declared war on ISIS?

A: Kind of ironic that they're now being attacked by 72 virgins

What do you call an anonymous psychic?

A 4chan teller


...I'll see myself out

Finally made the call to Gamblers Anonymous

Bet them 3:1 they couldn't help me

Kleptomaniacs Anonymous

Yesterday, I attended a meeting for people suffering from kleptomania. When I walked in the room, a man greeted me and told me to take a seat, so I did. As I was leaving, he told me to put it back or he was gonna call the cops.

I can finally scratch "murdering an anonymous vagrant" off my bucket list.

I didn't do it, it just doesn't seem all that appealing anymore I guess.

I just arrived at my "Premature Ejaculators Anonymous" when I noticed...

... no else was there. I came too early, again.

I skipped my meeting of "Erectile Dysfunction Anonymous"

No one else came either.

I just joined a support group.

Hokey Pokey Anonymous

With their help, I turned myself around.

I've been getting anonymous texts from someone telling me to shower, comb my hair & brush my teeth.

I think they may be trying to groom me.

I went to my plastic surgery addicts anonymous meeting today.

I saw a lot of new faces.

Why shouldn't you join Alcoholics Anonymous on Thanksgiving?

Because all they serve is cold turkey.

alcoholic alzheimer's anonymous.

No one knows who they are, or what they're drinking.

Why do people who like bondage shy away from anonymous one-night stands?

There's no strings attached.

What did the Cannibals Anonymous group say to Dave when he showed up an hour late to their weekly meeting?

Nothing. They just gave him the cold shoulder.

Jesus returned to earth...

And stayed anonymous for a while, but eventually a priest discovered who he was. He was discreet, but insisted that he take a solid gold cross. Before he took it, he prayed to his father and said,

"Father, should I accept this gift?"

God replies, "The solid gold cross?"

"Yes."

"What would you do with a solid gold cross? You could hardly carry a wooden one!"

A friend told me about Procrastination Anonymous

I said I'll go later

New study shows procrastination is as harmful to mental health as alcohol abuse

To combat this, I've decided to form Procrastinators anonymous, please consider joining it!

So my wife and I need to go to Gamblers Anonymous because of our money problems

I bet her twenty bucks I could finish all the steps before her. What are my odds?

"Welcome to Cheapskates Anonymous, would anybody like to start?"

"I'd like to say that I'm not a cheapskate. I'm just here for the free coffee."

I would go to alcoholics anonymous

But everyone already knows

Hello and welcome to Hypocrite's Anonymous.

What's your name?

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

Joko Jokes