The Best 78 Annual Jokes

Following is our collection of Annual jokes which are very funny. There are some annual annual check up jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud. Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these annual attend puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Funny Annual Jokes and Puns

Seminar topic at the annual vampire conference

"How to Deal with Stakeholders"

Not for your health.

A man walks into the doctor's office for his annual check up. The doctor starts to look him over and says, "you need to stop masturbating"

The man looks up at the doctor concerned and asks, "why?"

And the doctor replies, "because i'm trying to examine you."

An 85 year old man goes to his doctor for his annual checkup...

... Doc says, Mr. Jones, I have bad news and worse news.

"Whats the worse news?"

"You have a relatively large brain tumor that is very aggressive and the treatment options are almost nonexistent, so I'm afraid you have about 6 months to live."

Mr. Jones hangs his head for a couple moments and looks up to ask, "And the bad news?"

"you have Alzheimers."

Mr. Jones frowns and says, "well, at least I don't have cancer."

I went to an extremely attractive female doctor today for my annual checkup.

She told me that I had to quit masturbating. I asked why and she said, "Because I'm trying to examine you."

Skip a Day

During an annual physical, a doctor tells his overweight patient, "You need to lose some weight, so try this diet. I want you to eat regularly for two days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for two weeks. The next time I see you, I expect you will have lost five to ten pounds."

When the man returns, he's lost over 20 pounds. The doctor says. "Great job, did you follow my instructions?"

The man nods "I did, but I thought was going to drop dead every third day."

"From hunger?" asked the doctor.

"No, from skipping."


Why did Pee Wee Herman win the annual bass fishing contest?

Experts say it's because he was a master baiter.

The Titanic and mayonnaise

What a lot of people don't know about the Titanic was that it was carrying a large shipment of mayonnaise to Mexico. In fact, the Mexican people were overjoyed to be receiving this fine delicacy.

Sadly, as we all know, the Titanic tragically sank, sending its many tons of mayonnaise to the bottom of the ocean. The Mexican people were saddened by this event, and dedicated an annual event to the remembrance of the mayonnaise

We call it Cinco de Mayo

My kinda Dr.

a woman goes to a new gynocologist for the first time, for her annual pap smear. as the dr.is getting everything ready, and the woman is in the usual position, the dr. explains that there will be some discomfort. he then asks if she would like to numb the area first so she is more comfortable. she tells the dr. *yes please* and he then proceeds to bury his face between her legs and says...num num numnum...

What rock star is headlining at the annual Fanfiction Convention?

Slash

Too Shy!!!

During her annual checkup, the well-constructed miss was asked to disrobe and climb onto the examining table.

"Doctor," she replied shyly, "I just can't undress in front of you."

"All right," said the physician, "I'll flick off the lights. You undress and tell me when you're through."

In a few moments, her voice rang out in the darkness: "Doctor, I've undressed. What shall I do with my clothes?"

"Put them on the chair, on top of mine.

An elderly couple go to the doctor......

for the husbands annual physical. The husband is hard of hearing and he and the wife sit at the doctors desk after his exam. The doctor starts talking and tells the husband he is ordering some tests, and he'll need to provide a urine sample, a stool sample, and a blood sample.
The husband looks over to his wife and asks: "what did he just say?" The wife replies "give him your underwear".

You can explore annual fest reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean annual hosts dad jokes. There are also annual puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


I went to see the nurse this morning for my annual check-up...

I went to see the nurse this morning for my annual check-up. She told me that I have to stop masturbating.

I asked, "Why?"

She replied, "Because I'm trying to examine you."

Here's the good news (OC)

A guy goes to the doctor for his regular checkup. The doctor finishes up and invites him into the office.

"So, which first? The bad news or the good news?"

"Good news, doc", says the guy.

To which the doctor replies, "Well, you won't be needing any more annual prostate exams."

An older man was asked how he had stayed married so long...

An older man was asked how he had stayed married so long. So he said that the secret to a long, happy relationship was to put a dollar in a jar everytime he looked lustfully at another woman. That way, he could afford to take his wife on an annual vacation.

Adolf Hitler banned 5k races but sponsored an annual marathon...

...Because Marathons are the master race.

The Annual Urology vs Proctology Basketball Tournament ended predictably...

Urology is #1

Proctology is #2

A man goes to the doctor

Not sure if this is a repost. Haven't seen it here yet.

A man goes to his doctor for his annual check up. The doctor does all the usual tests, and comes back into the room. "I'm afraid I have some bad news. You don't have much longer left to live."

"What do you mean I don't have much longer left to live? How long have I got?"

"10."

"10 what?! Months? Weeks?!"

"9..."

Went to our annual work party last night...

They played 'The Twist' so I twisted. They played 'Jump' so I jumped. Then they played 'Come on Eileen'...I was asked to leave shortly after that.

Campbell's Soup annual business meeting

Current products are selling fine...See everyone next year.


The only day of the year that gives an order

March 4th

Sorry this was one of my dear departed mother's favorite annual jokes. Just had to share the love!

Annual "How to Avoid Array Overflowing" seminar will be held

at Febuary'29

The annual Procrastination meeting

Has been postponed...

A girl went to a doctor for a checkup....

During her annual checkup, the attractive woman was asked to disrobe and climb onto the examining table. Doctor… she replied shyly, I feel uncomfortable undressing in front of you. All right, said the physician, I'll flick off the lights. You undress and tell me when you're done. A few moments later her voice called out from the darkness, Doctor, I've undressed. What should I do with all my clothes? Put them on the chair, on top of mine.

Village Competition

Tomorrow our village is having it's annual Innuendo competition

I might enter my friend's sister.

During his annual checkup, a man tells his doctor he is thinking about getting a vasectomy

The doctor tells him that it's a very important decision and asks if he has had a chance to discuss it with his family. The man says,"Yeah, and they are in favor of it 15 to 7."

A guy went to the doctor for his annual physical...

Doctor says to him "you need to stop masturbating."

Man says, "but why doc!?"

Doctor says, "Because I'm trying to give you an examination."

Did you see the 75th annual ninja parade in downtown Tokyo?

Neither did anyone else...

I went to see the nurse this morning for my annual check-up. She told me that I have to stop jerking off.

I asked, "Why?"

She replied, "Because I'm trying to examine you."

Santa's annual check ride

As the sled rotated off the runway, the examiner pulled a double-barreled shotgun from under his cloak and blasted one of the raindeer. He then turned to the perplexed Santa and said "Engine failure on take-off!"

It's the final day of the annual pirate convention, and the debate over the site of next years convention begins...

One pirate says, "how about ARRRbys!", many pirates nod in agreement.

Another pirate says, "how about ARRRkansas", even more pirates are pleased at that suggestion.

A third pirate says, "how about Boston!", a confused murmur spreads across the room, "stay with me here" says the pirate, "so we can pARRRk ARRRR cARRR in the hARRRRvard yARRRd!"

The Islamic State is hosting a music festival in Iraq.

The first annual Allahpalooza is sure to go off with a bang.

My city is holding their annual incest competition...

I've entered my sister...

A guy goes to the doctor

A guy goes to the doctor for his annual checkup, and the doctor says, "You need to stop masturbating."

"Why?" the man asks.

The doctor replies, "Because I'm trying to examine you."

The presidential footrace

Recently, Obama completed the annual race around the White House grounds to attempt to beat the previous president's record. After his stunning performance, he ended up with a time of 9:52, narrowly missing the record. Unfortunately, he soon learned that Bush did 9:11.

Innuendo

My girlfriend couldn't go to the annual innuendo congress, so I had to fill her slot.

I cheated in the annual rabbit racing contest.....

I won by a hare

Life on earth is expensive,

but it does include an annual free trip around the sun

Great Scot!

Waiter: Are you here for a special occasion?
Campbell: Aye, we won the third prize in the annual Robert Burns contest... A haggis dinner for two.
Waiter: What were the other prizes?
Campbell: Second prize was a single haggis dinner, and if you won the first prize, you didnae have to eat the haggis.

Why could nobody win a dance off at the annual African American ball?

Because it was a black tie event

So I went to the doctor for my annual prostate exam today....

I asked the doctor "Where I should put my pants?"

He replied "Over there next to mine."

Welcome to the first annual hunger games America.

Thank you to all the married cousins that voted for president snow.

A policeman pulls over a driver and starts writing out a ticket

The driver says to the policeman 'I didn't realise the local policeman department were selling tickets to their annual ball'

The policeman responds 'What are you talking about, we don't have any balls'

The driver replies 'yeah didn't think so'

Well, it's getting to that time of year when my wife gets drunk and gives her annual blow job.

I hope it's me this year!

David calls up his brother Mike to schedule their annual family trip.

He tells him they're leaving Saturday to go to Detroit. Mike asks, "wait a minute, why Detroit?"

David answers, "Well, you know that thing old ladies do, where they set up a map on a dart board, and wherever it lands is where they go?"

Mike couldn't resist a chuckle, and says back to him "Yeah, i know that one."

"Well, I missed and hit the trash can."

I love February because it contains two of my favorite annual events

Groundhog Day, and the State of the Union Address.

One involves a meaningless ritual in which we look to a notoriously unreliable mammal for prognostication with no basis in reality. The other involves a groundhog.

My wife recently won the Annual Women's Golf Meet in our district

Needless to say, I have started calling her the "Intercourse Champion of the County "

Old age

An old man went to the doctor for his annual check up.
The doctor asks the old man to show him his sex organs.

The old man sticks out his tongue and shows him two fingers.

Important Announcement to the members of the Flat Earth Society

Annual Global Conference will be held this year 12th of May 2017 in Sydney (down under)

Drugs?

So the other day I went to the doctors for an annual checkup, before we started he asked "have you been doing any drugs?", I replied with "does love count as a drug?", he said "love is the strongest drug out there!", I then said "that's good cause I'm in love with cocaine!".

In the annual gay vs straight basketball game, the gay team has prevailed,

in what was a come from behind victory.

Terrorists have taken >500 hostages at the Bar Association annual conference

Unless their demands are met, they'll release one lawyer every hour.

The White House has cancelled their annual Christmas Pageant

In an official statement, they said the reason was because they couldn't find three wise men.

I ran into a complete stranger at my mom's annual New Years party.

I had never seen him before, so I asked him how he knew my mom. He said he had met her earlier in the day. Apparently, my mom was worried that the overall environment of the party wouldn't be as cool as she had hoped for, so she hired a professional to gauge the room.

I was absolutely disgusted.

I had found my mom's vibe rater.

How do schools of fish meet their annual goals?

They call in a-fish-in-sea experts.

I went to the annual stargazing conference yesterday....

...the turnout was astronomical.

During my annual physical, my doctor was going over the results of my blood work with me. After analyzing the results he looked up and told me I was going to need to quit masturbating.

I asked, *Why??*

He said, Because. I'm trying to complete your examination and you're making things really awkward right now.

There's an annual event for Peeping Toms this month

It's just around the corner

Annual medical check

A man went in for his annual medical checkup and the doctor said "dont eat anything fatty"

The man sighed and said "does that include burgers and fries?"

"No, fatty, I mean dont eat anything!" Replied the doctor

Where do Peeping Toms with foot fetishes hold their annual conference?

Topeka, KS

During the annual cavemen conference ...

Greg : so I kept rubbing this rock against another rock until it became very thin and now I can cut vegetables,meat using this . I call this "The Knife" .

Chief Gogo : wow , I thought no-one can beat Gorg's invention of using wheat flour and water to create a new food called "bread" but yours is a worthy contender

Greg " that's not it ,chief "

And then places a piece of bread on the stone and takes the knife in his hand

" What I'm about to do will blow your mind " .

The Flat Earth Society held it's annual conference in Antarctica this year...

... but attendance fell off.

New York City just published its annual index of the death rates caused by plunging from balconies

Sadly, they're still falling

A man goes to the doctor for an annual checkup

When the doctor walks in he looks at the man's chart and says although it is awkward, I believe you are the right age for a prostate exam.
The man sighs, bends over the table and drops his drawers.
Now just to let you know this may cause an erection, warns the doctor.
I think I'll be fine, the man replied
I wasn't talking about you.

An old man goes in for his annual checkup...

After some tests, the doctor comes in and tells him "I've got some bad news and some worse news, which do you want first?". The old man says "Gimme the worse news". Doc says "You've got cancer". Old man shakes his head and asks for the bad news. Doc says "You've got Alzheimer's". Old man hangs his head low for a moment, looks up at the doctor and says "At least I don't have cancer".

A man goes to his doctor for an annual checkup

"Doc, I feel great, my headaches are gone, my hearing is better and I can finally stand uo straight."

"That's good to hear, here your test results say that your body has miraculously improved. For a 50 year old man like you, you have the physical abilities of a 30 year old."

"Thanks doc."

"Tell me, how did you make such a recovery."

"My wife's been giving me the silent treatment for a month"

I can't see...

I really can't see why I accompanied my blind friend to the annual meeting of the blind

Don and his son

Big time gangster Don Vito Corleone picked up his son Santino after his annual exams. 'How was it?' he asked.

'They questioned me for three hours, papa. But I told them nothing.'

John goes to the doctor for his routine annual physical, along with another person.

Doctor : have you stopped drinking?

John : Yes doc, i have stopped drinking. However if someone "really, really" insists, i do have a drink.

Doctor : it's fine. I am glad you made progress. Who is this person? A dear friend of yours?

John : he is the guy I have hired, to keep on "really really" insisting!!

Congratulations to the class of 2020

You are the first class that will have a 100% participation in the annual senior skip day championship.

A woman visited her doctor for her annual exam. The doctor asked, Are you and your husband sexually active? Yes, we have verbal sex everyday. the woman answered. Verbal sex? I think you mean oral sex! the doctor laughed. No, I mean verbal sex. the woman persisted.

Every morning my husband and I pass each other in the hall and say, 'Fuck you!'"

The Italian government has cancelled the town of Ferno's annual fiesta

This year there'll be no disco in ferno

After coming in a close second in the annual Historical Composers Halloween Costume Contest, the terminator vowed to win the next year..

"I'll be Bach"

The 4th of July is an annual reminder

of how useless my dog would be in a war.

A man goes to the doctor for his annual check-up.

The doctor tells him he needs to stop masturbating.
The man asks, "Why?"
The doctor replies, "Because I'm trying to examine you."

[gun goes off]

[every runner pretends to be wounded, then laughs and starts the race]

ANNOUNCER: and the annual Dad 5k is underway

A guy goes to the doctor for his annual checkup. The doctor comes out and says You have to stop masturbating. The guy says, Really? Why?

The doctor says, Because I'm just trying to examine you.

A Woman goes to the Optician

for her annual eye test. The Optician puts a contraption her face and asks her what can she see.
"I see empty airports, I see empty football grounds. I see closed theatres, closed pubs and closed restaurants"

"That's perfect" says the Optician "You've got 2020 vision"

Dan went to his physician for his annual check-up.

However, he was shocked when his doctor said to him, I'm afraid you've only got three weeks to live.

Are you sure? said Dan, I feel fine. Isn't there anything that can be done?

Well, said his doctor, you could try taking a mud bath each day.

Will that cure me? asked Dan.

No, but it'll get you used to the dirt , responded the physician.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the annual year jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working annual convention piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes