Annual Jokes
120 annual jokes and hilarious annual puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about annual that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Looking for some annual jokes to lighten up the annual leave, annual general meeting, annual enrollment, or annual meeting ceremony? Check out our list of finalists from this year's festive season!
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Funniest Annual Short Jokes
Short annual jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The annual humour may include short monthly jokes also.
- My annual cake day joke repost - how can you tell the difference between a plumber and a chemist? Ask them to pronounce unionized
- The only day of the year that gives an order March 4th
Sorry this was one of my dear departed mother's favorite annual jokes. Just had to share the love! - Terrorists have taken >500 hostages at the Bar Association annual conference Unless their demands are met, they'll release one lawyer every hour.
- In the annual gay vs straight basketball game, the gay team has prevailed, in what was a come from behind victory.
- Village Competition Tomorrow our village is having it's annual Innuendo competition
I might enter my friend's sister. - Why did Pheobe beat Ross in the annual Friends nautical race? David's a good Schwimmer but Lisa Kudrow.
- I just got back from the annual alarm clock convention, and I'm never going again It was a total snooze-fest
- A man is asked by his colleagues why he never goes on their annual bungee-jumping trips. He says, "A broken rubber brought me into this world. I'm not letting one take me out of it."
- A group of physicists held a beach party. They had fun so made it an annual event. It's becoming a really popular wave function.
- Found a news article saying that millions of people die annually from doing yoga. I think that's a stretch.
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Annual One Liners
Which annual one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with annual? I can suggest the ones about yearly and semester.
- How do schools of fish meet their annual goals? They call in a-fish-in-sea experts.
- The 4th of July is an annual reminder of how useless my dog would be in a war.
- What rock star is headlining at the annual Fanfiction Convention? Slash
- Seminar topic at the annual vampire conference "How to Deal with Stakeholders"
- I went to the annual stargazing conference yesterday.... ...the turnout was astronomical.
- The annual Procrastination meeting Has been postponed...
- There's an annual event for Peeping Toms this month It's just around the corner
- Where do Peeping Toms with foot fetishes hold their annual conference? Topeka, KS
- I cheated in the annual rabbit racing contest..... I won by a hare
- Annual "How to Avoid Array Overflowing" seminar will be held at Febuary'29
- Life on earth is expensive, but it does include an annual free trip around the sun
- Did you see the 75th annual ninja parade in downtown Tokyo? Neither did anyone else...
- Where is the annual no arms and no legs baseball game held? Wriggly Field
- Time for the annual 'Why is Santa's sack so big?'
- I narrowly escaped the Annual Kleptomaniac Convention with my life...
Annual Meeting Jokes
Here is a list of funny annual meeting jokes and even better annual meeting puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- The first annual meeting of the camouflage club was disastrous. It looked like nobody showed up.
- "Welcome to the 41st Annual meeting of the Ohio Parasites Club" "I'm Andrew Smith, and I'll be your host for the day"
- I can't see... I really can't see why I accompanied my blind friend to the annual meeting of the blind
- Have you heard of the annual ginger meeting? It's petty unknown, last time not a single soul came.
- Campbell's Soup annual business meeting Current products are selling fine...See everyone next year.
- I went to a meeting to decide the title for a yearly book on hills and mountains. Annual: Summit
Annual Check Up Jokes
Here is a list of funny annual check up jokes and even better annual check up puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- My new mower says I need to check the oil before each use and change it annually. I think I'd rather change it the old fashioned way.
Annual Salary Jokes
Here is a list of funny annual salary jokes and even better annual salary puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Steven Seagal calls to Putin - Vladymir . I love your country. Somebody just wire by mistake 73 $ on my account in Sbierbank.
- This is not a mistake Steven. This is your annual salary here. - Fun Presidential Trivia The annual salary of Commander-in-Chief is legally set at $400,000 per year. Except for our next one, who will only make $316,000 (or 79% to every man's dollar).
Unearthly Funniest Annual Jokes to Tickle Your Sides
What funny jokes about annual you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean season jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make annual pranks.
An 85 year old man goes to his doctor for his annual checkup...
... Doc says, Mr. Jones, I have bad news and worse news.
"Whats the worse news?"
"You have a relatively large brain tumor that is very aggressive and the treatment options are almost nonexistent, so I'm afraid you have about 6 months to live."
Mr. Jones hangs his head for a couple moments and looks up to ask, "And the bad news?"
"you have Alzheimers."
Mr. Jones frowns and says, "well, at least I don't have cancer."
Skip a Day
During an annual physical, a doctor tells his overweight patient, "You need to lose some weight, so try this diet. I want you to eat regularly for two days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for two weeks. The next time I see you, I expect you will have lost five to ten pounds."
When the man returns, he's lost over 20 pounds. The doctor says. "Great job, did you follow my instructions?"
The man nods "I did, but I thought was going to drop dead every third day."
"From hunger?" asked the doctor.
"No, from skipping."
Why did Pee Wee Herman win the annual bass fishing contest?
Experts say it's because he was a master baiter.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My kinda Dr.
a woman goes to a new gynocologist for the first time, for her annual pap smear. as the dr.is getting everything ready, and the woman is in the usual position, the dr. explains that there will be some discomfort. he then asks if she would like to numb the area first so she is more comfortable. she tells the dr. *yes please* and he then proceeds to bury his face between her legs and says...num num numnum...
Too Shy!!!
During her annual checkup, the well-constructed miss was asked to disrobe and climb onto the examining table.
"Doctor," she replied shyly, "I just can't undress in front of you."
"All right," said the physician, "I'll flick off the lights. You undress and tell me when you're through."
In a few moments, her voice rang out in the darkness: "Doctor, I've undressed. What shall I do with my clothes?"
"Put them on the chair, on top of mine.
Here's the good news
A guy goes to the doctor for his regular checkup. The doctor finishes up and invites him into the office.
"So, which first? The bad news or the good news?"
"Good news, doc", says the guy.
To which the doctor replies, "Well, you won't be needing any more annual prostate exams."
An older man was asked how he had stayed married so long...
An older man was asked how he had stayed married so long. So he said that the secret to a long, happy relationship was to put a dollar in a jar everytime he looked lustfully at another woman. That way, he could afford to take his wife on an annual vacation.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Adolf h**... banned 5k races but sponsored an annual marathon...
...Because Marathons are the master race.
The Annual Urology vs Proctology Basketball Tournament ended predictably...
Urology is #1
Proctology is #2
A man goes to the doctor
Not sure if this is a repost. Haven't seen it here yet.
A man goes to his doctor for his annual check up. The doctor does all the usual tests, and comes back into the room. "I'm afraid I have some bad news. You don't have much longer left to live."
"What do you mean I don't have much longer left to live? How long have I got?"
"10."
"10 what?! Months? Weeks?!"
"9..."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Annual s**...
An elderly couple went to the clinic and asked to be tested for h**.... When the counselor asked why they felt that they should be tested at their age.
The old man responded, Well, we heard on TV that people should be tested after annual s**...!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The successful entrepreneur was constantly in demand for after-dinner speeches and could never find the time to prepare his own material.
His assistant always wrote the speech. It was at the annual conference that he was called upon to give encouragement to small businesses.
After the meal, the entrepreneur stood up to address the audience. "Ladies and gentleman. There are three main areas of tension in today's small businesses. The first is the problem of not paying competitive salaries ..."
He then turned to the next page and read out, "From now on, you unappreciative pig, you're on your own ..."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I went to see the nurse this morning for my annual check-up. She told me that I have to stop jerking off.
I asked, "Why?"
She replied, "Because I'm trying to examine you."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Annual Checkup
Kenneth is visiting his doctor for his annual physical.
DOC: I strongly recommend you quit m**....
KEN: Why?
DOC: I'm trying to perform a prostate exam.
Santa's annual check ride
As the sled rotated off the runway, the examiner pulled a double-barreled shotgun from under his cloak and blasted one of the raindeer. He then turned to the perplexed Santa and said "Engine failure on take-off!"
It's the final day of the annual pirate convention, and the debate over the site of next years convention begins...
One pirate says, "how about ARRRbys!", many pirates nod in agreement.
Another pirate says, "how about ARRRkansas", even more pirates are pleased at that suggestion.
A third pirate says, "how about Boston!", a confused murmur spreads across the room, "stay with me here" says the pirate, "so we can pARRRk ARRRR cARRR in the hARRRRvard yARRRd!"
The Islamic State is hosting a music festival in Iraq.
The first annual Allahpalooza is sure to go off with a bang.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My city is holding their annual i**... competition...
I've entered my sister...
The presidential footrace
Recently, Obama completed the annual race around the White House grounds to attempt to beat the previous president's record. After his stunning performance, he ended up with a time of 9:52, narrowly missing the record. Unfortunately, he soon learned that Bush did 9:11.
The National Association for the Depressed decided to up their annual due.
The reaction was as expected. The members weren't happy.
Innuendo
My girlfriend couldn't go to the annual innuendo congress, so I had to fill her slot.
Great Scot!
Waiter: Are you here for a special occasion?
Campbell: Aye, we won the third prize in the annual Robert Burns contest... A haggis dinner for two.
Waiter: What were the other prizes?
Campbell: Second prize was a single haggis dinner, and if you won the first prize, you didnae have to eat the haggis.
What do you call Pharaoh's annual Christmas Eve waffle dinner?
Yule Brinner.
Why could nobody win a dance off at the annual African American ball?
Because it was a black tie event
Welcome to the first annual hunger games America.
Thank you to all the married cousins that voted for president snow.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A policeman pulls over a driver and starts writing out a ticket
The driver says to the policeman 'I didn't realise the local policeman department were selling tickets to their annual ball'
The policeman responds 'What are you talking about, we don't have any b**...'
The driver replies 'yeah didn't think so'
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Well, it's getting to that time of year when my wife gets drunk and gives her annual b**....
I hope it's me this year!
David calls up his brother Mike to schedule their annual family trip.
He tells him they're leaving Saturday to go to Detroit. Mike asks, "wait a minute, why Detroit?"
David answers, "Well, you know that thing old ladies do, where they set up a map on a dart board, and wherever it lands is where they go?"
Mike couldn't resist a chuckle, and says back to him "Yeah, i know that one."
"Well, I missed and hit the trash can."
I love February because it contains two of my favorite annual events
Groundhog Day, and the State of the Union Address.
One involves a meaningless ritual in which we look to a notoriously unreliable mammal for prognostication with no basis in reality. The other involves a groundhog.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My wife recently won the Annual Women's Golf Meet in our district
Needless to say, I have started calling her the "i**... Champion of the County "
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Old age
An old man went to the doctor for his annual check up.
The doctor asks the old man to show him his s**... organs.
The old man sticks out his tongue and shows him two fingers.
Important Announcement to the members of the Flat Earth Society
Annual Global Conference will be held this year 12th of May 2017 in Sydney (down under)
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Drugs?
So the other day I went to the doctors for an annual checkup, before we started he asked "have you been doing any drugs?", I replied with "does love count as a drug?", he said "love is the strongest drug out there!", I then said "that's good cause I'm in love with c**...!".
I love participating in the annual wind generation competition.
I'm a big fan.
I met the winner of the Annual Girls' Eidetic Memory Contest ...
...Though I'm skeptic 'bout it, as when I asked for her number, she said, "I can't remember it right now."
The White House has cancelled their annual Christmas Pageant
In an official statement, they said the reason was because they couldn't find three wise men.
This is the actual "joke" Vladimir Putin made at his annual press conference when asked about military funding.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I ran into a complete stranger at my mom's annual New Years party.
I had never seen him before, so I asked him how he knew my mom. He said he had met her earlier in the day. Apparently, my mom was worried that the overall environment of the party wouldn't be as cool as she had hoped for, so she hired a professional to gauge the room.
I was absolutely disgusted.
I had found my mom's v**... rater.
Annual medical check
A man went in for his annual medical checkup and the doctor said "dont eat anything fatty"
The man sighed and said "does that include burgers and fries?"
"No, fatty, I mean dont eat anything!" Replied the doctor
During the annual cavemen conference ...
Greg : so I kept rubbing this rock against another rock until it became very thin and now I can cut vegetables,meat using this . I call this "The Knife" .
Chief Gogo : wow , I thought no-one can beat Gorg's invention of using wheat flour and water to create a new food called "bread" but yours is a worthy contender
Greg " that's not it ,chief "
And then places a piece of bread on the stone and takes the knife in his hand
" What I'm about to do will blow your mind " .
The Flat Earth Society held it's annual conference in Antarctica this year...
... but attendance fell off.
New York City just published its annual index of the death rates caused by plunging from balconies
Sadly, they're still falling
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I have s**... 24/7
It's my annual birthday wish. My wife doesn't let me smash her the other 364 days of the year.
My vehicle failed the annual inspection because the horn is too loud.
I've got too much jonk in my honk.
A man goes to his doctor for an annual checkup
"Doc, I feel great, my headaches are gone, my hearing is better and I can finally stand uo straight."
"That's good to hear, here your test results say that your body has miraculously improved. For a 50 year old man like you, you have the physical abilities of a 30 year old."
"Thanks doc."
"Tell me, how did you make such a recovery."
"My wife's been giving me the silent treatment for a month"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Welcome to the 23rd annual l**... Colony marathon! We now go down to our racers at the start of the first leg.
Aaaaaand they're off!
Prince Harry will skip the royal family's annual pheasant shoot due to his wife Meghan's love of animals
Said the Queen, "You misunderstood, we're shooting peasants."
Don and his son
Big time gangster Don Vito Corleone picked up his son Santino after his annual exams. 'How was it?' he asked.
'They questioned me for three hours, papa. But I told them nothing.'
John goes to the doctor for his routine annual physical, along with another person.
Doctor : have you stopped drinking?
John : Yes doc, i have stopped drinking. However if someone "really, really" insists, i do have a drink.
Doctor : it's fine. I am glad you made progress. Who is this person? A dear friend of yours?
John : he is the guy I have hired, to keep on "really really" insisting!!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
At the annual s**... donor conference, the president takes the mic and says
Good morning and thank for coming, everyone
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A woman visited her doctor for her annual exam. The doctor asked, Are you and your husband s**... active? Yes, we have verbal s**... everyday. the woman answered. Verbal s**...? I think you mean o**... s**...! the doctor laughed. No, I mean verbal s**.... the woman persisted.
Every morning my husband and I pass each other in the hall and say, 'Fuck you!'"
The Italian government has cancelled the town of Ferno's annual fiesta
This year there'll be no disco in ferno
After coming in a close second in the annual Historical Composers Halloween Costume Contest, the terminator vowed to win the next year..
"I'll be Bach"
Annual Brewers Convention
The CEOs of Budweiser, Heineken and Guinness meet at the annual Brewers Convention. They decide to go for drinks afterwards.
They go to a bar and sit down at a table. The CEO of Budweiser says, "First round is on me!" and orders three Budweisers. They drink and chat, and after a while the CEO of Heineken says, "My turn!" and orders three Heineken.
They drink and talk a bit more, until the CEO of Guinness says, "My turn!" and orders three Dr. Pepper. The others look at him, surprised, and ask him if he doesn't want to drink beer. He replies, "Well, YOU didn't order any beer either, so I thought YOU didn't want to..."
[gun goes off]
[every runner pretends to be wounded, then laughs and starts the race]
ANNOUNCER: and the annual Dad 5k is underway
A Woman goes to the Optician
for her annual eye test. The Optician puts a contraption her face and asks her what can she see.
"I see empty airports, I see empty football grounds. I see closed theatres, closed pubs and closed restaurants"
"That's perfect" says the Optician "You've got 2020 vision"
A group of old friends met at a resort for their annual vacation.
They had a long-standing tradition of sharing jokes with each other. They'd been doing this so long that they just assigned numbers to the jokes to make it easier to tell them.
Someone would shout out 24 or 13 and everyone would laugh.
This went on for a long and then one person yelled 52 and they all laughed harder than normal. One of the newbies to the group, who was completely lost, asked why that joke was so funny.
Oh, that was a new one.
