Annoying Jokes
150 annoying jokes and hilarious annoying puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about annoying that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Discover the funny and unexpected side of being annoyed! This article will highlight some of the most common and familiar annoying jokes that may be shared by your coworker, neighbor, husband, wife, or even your kid. Get to know what type of jokes are considered to be too incessant and tiresome. Learn to recognize those jokes and tackle them with a good sense of humor.
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Funniest Annoying Short Jokes
Short annoying jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The annoying humour may include short irritating jokes also.
- Why was my post removed Can someone from admin please explain to me why my post was removed?
I'm really annoyed about this because now my fence has fallen over. - My crush told me that I'm pretty. Well, the whole sentence was "you're pretty annoying", but I focus only on the positive things.
- My friend keeps trying to annoy me by using bird puns But I soon realised that toucan play at that game.
- When I was in college I met a girl at a bar and we exchanged phone numbers... But then every time the phone rang it was for her. It was very confusing and annoying
- I miss the days when the Annoying Orange was just a fictional youtube character And not the President of the United States.
- My Boyfriend said I'm starting to annoy him because I relate everything to Batman…. What a joker!!!
- Siri kept on calling me Shirley today I was beginning to get annoyed about it but then I realised I'd left my phone in Airplane mode.
- God making Adam Angel: What do you call it?
God: A human.
Angel: What does it do?
God: It doesn't annoy me, Jeff. That's what it does. - I broke up with my girlfriend, who is an Optometrist She meant well, but she was just too annoying in bed. She was always saying, "So, do you like it better like this.... or like this?"
- I'm really annoyed, my wifes sister sat on my glasses and broke them! to be fair, it was probably my fault for leaving them on
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Annoying One Liners
Which annoying one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with annoying? I can suggest the ones about obnoxious and frustrating.
- I was raised as an only child which really annoyed my sister
- I became a proud father today.... My son's 4 but he's been pretty annoying until now
- I lost my voice today I can't tell you how annoying it is.
- Someone stole my flashlight. I'm not annoyed. I'm delighted.
- Did you know if you rearrange all the letters in post office They get really annoyed
- I finally fixed that annoying noise in my car. I opened the door and pushed her out.
- What lives in the ocean and IS REALLY LOUD AND ANNOYING. A yellyfish.
- Friction annoys me. It's such a drag.
- What did tornado say to it's annoying twin? Sigh, clone.
- I used to be ugly, but then I bought an acoustic guitar Now I'm ugly and annoying
- Wish I could be ugly for just one day. Being ugly everyday is pretty annoying.
- My wife is a lot like Apple Always finding new and innovative ways to be annoying.
- I'm annoyed because my parrot is mocking me. I'm annoyed because my parrot is mocking me
- How do you annoy a Pink Floyd fan? Play their music on shuffle
- I'm annoyed with my loud obnoxious neighbour. Now I know how Canada feels.
Annoying People Jokes
Here is a list of funny annoying people jokes and even better annoying people puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I purchased some noise canceling headphones... I thought people would find them annoying but so far I haven't heard any complaints.
- I've come to learn that every groupchat has a separate, smaller groupchat, just without the annoying people. If you think yours doesn't, then i have some bad news.
- The people at my school are very PC and its so annoying I can't go five minutes without someone asking me if I'd like to update windows
- People keep saying drugs are dangerous, I abused lots of drugs and I'm fine. It's only the people watching me through power sockets that are annoying.
- Some random guy on the street turned me into a bottle of tequila which rather annoyed me. I hate when people Patrónize me
- I hear people from Illinois get mad when you pronounce the S, It really ill-annoys them
- I took a poll recently and 100% of people were annoyed with their tent falling down.
- That's preponderance. It's so annoying when people use big words, but not in the right context. They're just trying to be ambidextrous.
- I saw an article that said annoying people have a great sense of humor. I found that really funny because- oh.
- An annoying thing on reddit It annoys me when people don't proliferate on reddit.
Annoying Wife Jokes
Here is a list of funny annoying wife jokes and even better annoying wife puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- THERAPIST: What's the problem with your marriage? WIFE: He replaces words with animal names just to annoy me ME: I don't do it on porpoise
- My wife's really annoyed with me. I put a stick in a non-stick pan.
- The most annoying part about having my wife and daughter wearing a burka, is the confusion. Last night, I accidentally slept with my wife.
- My wife told me if I kept making puns about my dark yellow glove then she'd leave me. I told her I could see where she was coming from, even I found it annoying I mustard mitt.
- Annoying husband Wife: Ugh, you only hear what you want to hear!
Husband: Sure, I'd love a beer! - I get so annoyed when my wife reminds me to fix something. If I said I'm going to fix it, I'll fix it.
There's no need to remind me about it every three months. - My wife kept telling me, "You could use some real friends, Tom. People you could count on." "I didn't ask for your advice, Linda!" I shouted.
It got so annoying I had to unimagine her. - I've been secretly tossing pears at my neighbor for a couple weeks now I can hear him talking to his wife about government drones trying to drive him crazy, but he's just pear annoyed.
- What did the annoyed husband tell his wife after she saw elk falling from the sky? *Sigh* That's not elk... That's just reindeer.
- The most annoying part about being part of a Muslim family is that it gets very confusing. Like last night I accidentally slept with my wife.
Annoying Kid Jokes
Here is a list of funny annoying kid jokes and even better annoying kid puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Some kid was being annoying so I hit him on the face with a baseball bat. He started crying and I didn't even bat an eye.
- I hate when parents say their kids age in months It's annoyed me for about 36 months now
- My friend told me that I need to stop singing I'm a believer because it was getting annoying and I laughed because I thought she was kidding Then I saw her face
- There is only one thing more annoying than the 877-kars-4-kids commercials.... Any Patriots fan this morning.
- I've been sober for 14 years now I'm not an alcoholic, just an annoying kid on the Internet
- The carbon monoxide detector is really annoying. But hey, at least the kids are quiet.
- My girlfriend asked me to stop singing I'm a believer by The Monkees, because she found it annoying. At first I thought she was kidding. But then I saw her face.
- What do flight attendants and priests have in common? They both get annoyed when the kid starts screaming.
- Although I have to repeat myself several times for my children to listen, I take great comfort knowing that one day nothing will annoy them more than me repeating myself.
Annoying Husband Jokes
Here is a list of funny annoying husband jokes and even better annoying husband puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- How does Mrs. Claus describe her husband's annoying laugh? Ha ha ha
Annoying Orange Jokes
Here is a list of funny annoying orange jokes and even better annoying orange puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Does anyone else remember seeing the Annoying Orange on YouTube? I sure do.
He was in the white house for four years. - What do you call it when the Annoying Orange tells lies? Pulp Fiction
- Annoying Orange has 5 million subscribers, but has long since reached its peak. Now he's president of the United States.
- My son asked me what happened to "Annoying Orange"? I said , "He became President"
- Everyone said that the Annoying Orange wouldn't get anywhere You were all wrong! He somehow became the president of the USA.
- I never understood why people liked the Annoying Orange But they really must have liked it, because it's a president now.
- What's orange and is annoying on the internet Annoying orange
- How do you turn an orange into a less annoying fruit? Impeach it.
- what's called smart annoying orange a knowing orange
- What did the apple tell the annoying orange? Citrus down.
Entertaining Annoying Jokes to Laugh Out Loud Fun with Everyone
What funny jokes about annoying you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean nagging jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make annoying pranks.
A professor, a CEO, and a janitor are in a forest when they discover a magic fairy.
The fairy says "I will give you what you most desire if you do someone else's job for a day."
The professor says "I'll be an elementary school teacher. What can be so hard about teaching a bunch of 6-year-olds how to read?" so he is teleported into a classroom. After a few minutes, all the kids' screaming gets to his nerves, so he throws all his supplies and gives up.
The C.E.O says "I'll be a waiter. All you do is carry food back and forth. This'll be a breeze" so he is teleported to a restaurant. After about an hour, all the annoying customers drive him insane, so he smashes his plates on the ground and gives up.
The janitor says "I'll be an artist" so he is transported to an art facility. He glues all the classroom supplies and shattered plates to a canvas, then sells it for a billion dollars. The fairy asks the janitor how he was so clever.
The janitor says "I got a masters degree in art."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
h**...
Bubba was walking home late at night and sees a woman in the shadows.
"Twenty dollars", she whispers.
Bubba had never been with a h**... before, but decides what the heck, it's only twenty bucks, so they hide in the bushes.
They're in there for only a minute when all of a sudden a light flashes on them. It's a police officer. "What's going on here, people?", asks the officer.
"I'm making love to my wife!", Bubba answers sounding annoyed.
"Oh, I'm sorry", says the cop, "I didn't know."
Bubba says, "Well, neither did I, till ya shined that light in her face."
Returning on Investment
After being away on buisness, Tim thought it would be nice to bring his wife a little gift.
"How about some perfume?" he asked the cosmetics clerk.
She showed him a bottle costing $50. "That's a bit much," said Tim, so she returned with a smaller bottle for $30.
"That's still quite a bit," Tim complained.
Growing annoyed, the clerk brought out a tiny $15 bottle.
"What I mean," said Tim, "is I'd like to see something really cheap."
The clerk handed him a mirror.
A guy walks into a bar with a dog under his arm...
...he announces to everyone in the bar that his dog can talk and he will make a $1000 bet with anyone who doesn't believe him. The bartender saw this as a great opportunity so he took the man up on the wager.
The man looks at the dog and says, "What is the top of a house called?" The dog said, "Roof."
Quite annoyed the bartender vented his grief in defeat. "Well, how bout a different word, double or nothing?" the man said. The bartender begrudgingly accepted as the man asked, "Who was the greatest baseball player ever?"
In a muffled response the dog said, "Ruth."
Furious, the bartender grabbed the man and the dog and threw them out the bar. As they landed on the sidewalk, the dog looked at the man with a puzzled look. "DiMaggio?"
Pouring rain, New York City. A drunk hails a cab.
Cabbie rolls down the windo, the drunk man says "hey mister, do you gave room for half a chicken and a six-pack in here"?
Annoyed, the cabbie says "sure"
the drunk says BLUGHHHHHH
Annoyed by the professor of anatomy
who liked to tell "naughty" stories during class, a group of female students decided that the next time he started to tell one, they would all rise and leave the room in protest. The professor, however, got wind of their scheme just before class the following day, so he bided his time. Then, halfway through the lecture, he began. "They say there is quite a shortage of prostitutes in France." The girls looked at one another, arose and started for the door. "Young ladies," said the professor with a broad smile, "the next plane doesn't leave till tomorrow afternoon."
Marylou
One day, as a husband was reading the Sunday paper, his wife smacked him upside the head with a frying pan.
"What was that for?" cried the husband.
"I was doing your laundry when I found a piece of paper with the name of Marylou on it!" screamed the wife. "Who is she? Are you cheating on me?"
"Honey don't worry. Remember when I went to the horse race three weeks ago with my friends? Marylou was the name of the horse I was betting on.
Satisfied, the wife continued doing the laundry. A few hours later, the wife smacked the husband with a frying pan again.
"What was that for?" said the annoyed husband.
"Your horse called."
What did the Frenchman say to the Englishman
An Englishman is telling a joke to a Frenchman, he says what did the Frenchman say to the Englishman. The Frenchman says he doesn't know, but the Englishman insists that he guesses.
After a few frustrated guesses the Frenchman eventually caves in, annoyed that the Englishman doesn't seem to understand how jokes work.
'I give up'
The Englishman smiles and walks off.
[original joke I just made up, [f]irst time]
Our neighbors got really annoyed at me after I played catch with their son yesterday.
But in fairness, I couldn't find a ball, and the kid actually seemed to enjoy getting tossed back and forth. So I don't know what the big deal is.
My interviewer kept getting annoyed at me...
...when I kept responding to each question with the same question - only in a really sarcastic way.
Apparently, I don't know what a "mock interview" means.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Chinese couple named Mr. and Mrs. Wong went to the hospital to have a baby...
Mrs. Wong had the baby soon after they arrived, and after they got to see their child, a nurse took it away for medical examinations. When she returned, she was carrying a white baby, not an Asian one. Mr. Wong was surprised and a little annoyed at the mistake and curtly told the nurse to go back and get their actual baby. The nurse insisted that it was the correct child, but Mr. Wong was positive that a mistake had been made, because, as he put it, "Two Wongs don't make a white."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
49ers Fan
On the first day of school, a first grade teacher explains to her class that she's a Seahawks fan. She asks her students to raise their hands if they, too, are Seahawks fans. Wanting to impress their teacher, everyone in the class raises their hand except one little girl. The teacher looks at the girl with surprise, 'Janie, why didn't you raise your hand? 'Because I'm not a Seahawks fan' she replied. The teacher, still shocked, asked, 'Well, if you aren't a Seahawks fan, then who are you a fan of?' 'I'm a 49ers fan, and proud of it,' Janie replied. The teacher could not believe her ears. 'Janie please tell us why you're a 49ers fan?' "Because my mom's a 49ers fan, and my dad's a 49ers fan, so I'm a 49ers fan too!" "Well" said the teacher in a obviously annoyed tone, 'that's no reason for you to be a 49ers fan. You don't have to be like your parents all of the time. What if your mom was an idiot and your dad was a m**..., what would you be?' Janie smiled and said 'I'd be a Seahawks fan.'
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I recently met up with an old girlfriend of mine and we immediately started having s**......
...The police got annoyed, however - they only wanted me to identify the body.
A Texan was taking a taxi tour of London...
As they went past the Tower of London the cabbie explained what the building was and provided a brief history. Upon hearing that its construction started in 1346 and was completed in 1412, the Texan stated, "Really? A little ol' tower like that? In Houston we'd have that thing up in two weeks!"
Next they passed the House of Parliament, and the cabbie again gave a brief history, omitting the construction dates this time. However, being eager to brag, the Texan questioned its construction too. The cabbie replied that it was built in 1544 and completed in 1618.
"Well, boy, we put up a bigger one than that in Dallas and it only took a month!"
As they passed Westminister Abbey the cabbie was silent.
"Well? What's that over there?" asked the Texan.
The annoyed cabbie scratches his head and replied "I haven't the foggiest idea, Sir. It wasn't there yesterday!"
Guy tip:
If your girlfriend has a really annoying friend, don't tell her how bothersome she is or to stop being friends with her. Just casually mention how attractive she is.
Annoying husband
Husband says: When I get mad at you, you never fight back. How do you control your anger?
Wife says: I clean the toilet...
Husband says: How does that help?
Wife says: I use your Toothbrush.....
A man with anxiety accidentally annoyed the cartel
He began seeing a psychiatrist because of hispanic attacks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A drunk man approaches two overweight women after overhearing their conversation...
and says to them:
"Hey! I recognize that accent! Which part of England are you two lovely women from?"
Annoyed at the man's ignorance, they exclaim: "It's Wales!"
"Oh I'm so sorry! Which part of England are you two lovely *whales* from?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Blonde and the pervert.
Who's really annoyed because a pervert keeps peeping through the keyhole while shes in the bathroom. One day she has a brilliant idea though. So the next day the pervert sees the blonde going to the bathroom, as the pervert approaches the bathroom he notices something odd.... the door isn't there anymore and he can see the blonde completely n**... changing her clothes. The blonde laughs at the pervert and says "Can't peep through the keyhole anymore!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I was in the public toilets today and as I sat down, a voice from the next cubicle said "Hi, how are you?".
Embarrassed, I said, "I'm doing fine".
The voice said "So what are you up to?".
I said, "Just doing the same as you - sitting here!
He said "Can I come over?".
Annoyed, I say "I'm rather busy right now".
Then the voice said, "Listen, I'll have to call you back, there's an i.d.i.o.t in the cubicle next to me answering all my questions".
I finally stopped the annoying noise in my car.
I just opened the door and shoved her out.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why did the midget get kicked off a n**... beach?
People got seriously annoyed with him sticking his nose into everybody's business.
I found a new way to stop my girlfriend from picking up bad habits or doing anything that annoys me, I just have to say..
..."this is turning me on"
The most annoying thing about being a necrophiliac...
Is that your girlfriend never returns your calls.
Interviewer: How much milk do these cows give?
Farmer: Which one? The Black one or the brown one?
Interviewer: Brown one.
Farmer: A couple of litres per day.
Interviewer: And the black one?
Farmer: A couple of litres per day.
Interviewer(naturally a bit flummoxed): I see. What do you give them to eat?
Farmer: Which one? Black or brown?
Interviewer: Black.
Farmer: It eats grass.
Interviewer: And the other one?
Farmer: Grass.
Interviewer(now annoyed) : Why do you keep asking which one when the answers are the same?!
Farmer: Because the black one's mine.
Interviewer: Oh, and the brown one?
Farmer: It's also mine.
My son came home from school and I immediately asked him:
"Hey son, what has 4 legs but isn't alive?"
"Dad, you told me that one yesterday" he said, looking annoyed. "It's a chair."
"Not this time son...the mailman ran over your dog today."
A rabbit walks into a men's clothing store...
And the clerk says,"May I help you, sir?"
"Yes", says the rabbit. "I'd like a BLT with some coleslaw please."
"I'm sorry sir", says the clerk," but we don't have that here."
"Oh, ok.", says the slightly deflated rabbit. "I guess I'll have a house salad."
"Sir," replies the slightly annoyed clerk," we don't have that. Is there something else I can help you with?"
"Well," says the rabbit," in that case I'll just have a bowl of tomato soup."
The clerk is now incensed. "Sir, we don't have food! The sign outside clearly says 'men's clothing store'! Can't you read?"
"Listen, buddy", says the rabbit,"if I could read, I would have asked you for a menu!"
A German and a Swiss are arguing about who's country is better...
The German, clearly annoyed, asks the Swiss
"So what's so great about Switzerland?" The Swiss shrugs, simply saying.
"Well, the flag is a big plus."
When Noah reached land, he threw open the ark doors and said, "Go forth and multiply".
When all the animals cleared out, only a pair of confused looking snakes remained.
"Didn't you hear me? Go forth and multiply!" Said Noah, annoyed.
"We can't" replied one of the snakes. "We're adders".
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My wife is an English teacher
She always corrects my grammar while having s**.... I'll go "s**... it good" and she'll reply "it's s**... it well!". I'll say "Who's your daddy" and she'll correct "who's your dad".
She gets particularly annoyed about my improper use of colon.
I keep making racist jokes about my dad and his Thai bride. He finds it very annoying…
..and so does my dad.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I caught my sister m**... with a carrot
I was annoyed because I was gonna eat that later...
And now it's gonna taste like carrot....
I was playing grand theft auto 5 when all of a sudden it crashes and an error message pops up
It read unfortunately the game is corrupted and the data will be deleted feeling sad and annoying with my 100s of hours lost I looked up online as to why it happened. I found a guide that said if you restart the game on the same console and go to the nearest garage and talk to the guy who's working on the car it can fix it. I did just that and it restored my old saves!
Thank god for that game mechanic
The teacher tells little Jack, "I'm going to describe an animal and you have to guess what it is."
"It lives on a farm and gives milk"
"A cow?"
"That's correct too, but I meant a goat. What lives on a farm, has feathers and lays eggs?"
"A chicken"
"That's correct too but I meant a duck."
Little Jack, getting annoyed, asks the teacher: "What goes into your mouth hard, and comes out soft and wet?"
The teacher starts blushing.
"That's correct too but I meant chewing gum."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
On the base a Private First Class (PFC) was working in the car repair shop. The phone rang.
He answered. The man on the phone asked, "When will my car be fixed?"
PFC: "Can't talk now I am working on some annoying General's car."
General: "Do you know who this is?"
PFC: "No."
General: "This is the ANNOYING GENERAL!"
PFC: "Well, do you know who this is?"
General: "No."
PFC: "Good, goodbye!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Jack goes to his friend Mike
Jack goes to his friend Mike and says ...
"I'm sleeping with the pastor's wife. Can you hold him in church for an hour after mass for me?"
The friend doesn't like it but being a friend, he agrees.
After mass, he starts talking to the pastor, asking him all sorts of s**... questions, just to keep him occupied.
Finally the pastor gets annoyed and asks Mike what he's really up to.
Mike, feeling guilty, finally confesses to the pastor...
"My friend is sleeping with your wife right now, so he asked me to keep you occupied."
The pastor smiles, puts a brotherly hand on Mike's shoulder and says...
"You better hurry home now. My wife died a year ago"
Little Johnny and His Baby Sister
Little Johnny's newborn baby sister just wouldn't stop crying one day.
Annoyed, Little Johnny asked his mom where they had got her from.
"From Heaven," replied his mom.
"Well, I can see why they threw her out!"
I'm so annoyed at how much Microsoft tries to make me use their browser...
It's pushing me to the Edge
The Librarian
What time does the library open? the man on the phone asked.
Annoyed, the librarian composed himself before he answered.
9 am, came the reply. And what's the idea of calling me at home in the middle of the night to ask a question like that?
Not until 9 am? the man asked in a disappointed voice.
The librarian began to get angry.
No, not until 9 am, said the librarian. Why do you want to get in before 9 am?
Who said I wanted to get in? the man sighed sadly. I want to get o
Once I got annoyed with my Nokia and threw it at the wall
Now I'm in jail for murdering my neighbour
After 10 years of marriage, wife manage to discover 5 eggs and 5.000 euros on the cabinet.
\-Darling, I'm sorry, but I went to your office and found 5 eggs and 5.000 euros , what's the deal with it?
\-Well, how can I explain it... Since the beginning of our marriage, I would store one egg for each time you annoyed me.
\-Oh, that's so sweet! And what the 5.000 euros are for?
\-I usually wait when I have a dozen of eggs before selling then.
My Girlfriend has been repeatedly asking me Are you a character from Alice in Wonderland? and it's getting really annoying
My Friend asked me Are you mad at her?
I relied with Don't you start too
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A blonde joke
A blonde gets an opportunity to fly to a nearby country. She has never been on an airplane anywhere and was very excited and tense. As soon as she boarded the plane, a Boeing-747, she started jumping in excitement, running over seat to seat and starts shouting, "BOEING! BOEING!! BOEING!!! BO....."
She sort of forgets where she is, even the pilot in the c**...-pit hears the noise. Annoyed by the goings on, the Pilot comes out and shouts "BE SILENT!"
There was pin-drop silence everywhere and everybody is looking at the blonde and the angry Pilot. She stared at the pilot in silence for a moment, concentrated really hard, and all of a sudden started shouting,"OEING! OEING! OEING! OE...."
I once met a guy named Bien. He was a bit annoying but...
I think he meant well
My little daughter came to me all excited, saying, Daddy! Daddy! Guess how old I'll be in August! I said, Oh I don't know princess, why don't you tell me? She gave me a huge smile and held up four fingers...
It's now three hours later, the police are annoyed and she *still* won't say where she got them...
While testing a newly installed computer, an Army officer asked the machine to predict the probability of World War Three and promptly received a one-word answer: "Yes."
Annoyed at the lack of detail, the officer
barked, "Yes, what?" Instantly the machine
replied, "Yes, sir!"
Pain is so annoying.
It really gets on my nerves.
How many nice guys does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, they'll just compliment it and get annoyed it won't screw
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A captain notices a light in the distance, on a collision course with his ship.
He turns on his signal lamp and sends, Change your course, 10 degrees west.
The light signals back, Change yours, 10 degrees east.
The captain gets a little annoyed. He signals, I'm a US Navy captain. You must change your course, sir.
The light signals back, I'm a s**... First Class. You must change your course, sir.
Now the captain is mad. He signals, I'm an aircraft carrier. I'm not changing my course.
The light signals back a final message: I'm a lighthouse. Your call.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A woman and her 10 year old son are driving in a taxi at night in Detroit…
It's raining hard and and all the prostitutes are huddled under an awning. The young boy asks his mom, what are those ladies doing? The mom responds, they're all waiting for their husbands to get off work.
The taxi driver is annoyed and responds, Lady, just tell your son the truth! They are prostitutes and they have s**... with random men for money! The boy asks, mom, is this true? She responds, yes son, it's true.
The boy then asks, what happens to their babies? Mom responds, they grow up to be taxi drivers!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The entire neighborhood got together to discuss what to do about that crazy guy on our street ...
... I'm a bit annoyed that I was the only one not invited.
A husband was sleeping next to his blind wife…
He woke up feeling his wife's hands touching all over his face. Annoyed he asked, What are you doing?
In a sweet voice she said, I just love watching you sleep.
A man living in the Soviet union is queuing up for bread...
when he gets to the front he is told there is none left.
Annoyed, the man goes on a tirade, complaining about the poor conditions and the incompetence of the government.
A soldier, hearing this, says to him, "you better be careful. In the old days it would have been...", the soldier points his gun at the man's head, "...bang!"
The man apologises and shuffles off. When he gets back home his wife asks him, "husband, your hands are empty! Have they run out of bread again?"
To which the man replies, "it's even worse than that. They've run out of bullets!"
I'm getting fed up with my wife! She's always stopping my perfect animal impressions just because she finds them annoying.
If she yells at me one more time for impersonating a flamingo, I'm going to have to put my foot down.
We went to see a movie the other night.
I sat in an aisle seat as I usually do, as it feels a little roomier.
Just as the movie was about to start, a blonde from the centre of the row got up and started making her way out, saying, "Excuse me, sorry, oops, excuse me, pardon me, got to hurry, oops, excuse me."
By the time she got to me, I was pretty annoyed with her and asked, "Could you have not done this a little earlier?"
"No", she whispered loudly to me, "The 'TURN OFF YOUR CELL PHONE PLEASE' message just came up on the screen, and mine is in the car."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
«I'm sleeping with the minister's wife. Can you keep him busy in church for an hour after service for me?»
Mike doesn't like it, but being a friend, he agrees. After the service, Mike asks the minister all sorts of s**... questions, just to keep him occupied.
Finally the minister gets annoyed and asks Mike what he's really up to. Mike, feeling guilty, finally confesses, "My friend is sleeping with your wife right now, and he asked me to keep you occupied."
The minister thinks for a minute, smiles, puts a fatherly hand on Mike's shoulder and says, "You should hurry home now. My wife died a year ago."
