Annoyed Jokes
136 annoyed jokes and hilarious annoyed puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about annoyed that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Annoyed Short Jokes
Short annoyed jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The annoyed humour may include short annoying jokes also.
- Why was my post removed Can someone from admin please explain to me why my post was removed?
I'm really annoyed about this because now my fence has fallen over. - Why was my post removed? Can anyone tell me why my post was removed?
I'm a bit annoyed by this because my fence has fallen over. - My crush told me that I'm pretty. Well, the whole sentence was "you're pretty annoying", but I focus only on the positive things.
- As a woman it's annoying when men think they are better drivers When I'm trying to park I don't need you to offer help every 20 minutes
- Water can solve all your issues. Want to lose weight? Drink water. Need to wake up? Splash water on your face. Someone annoying you? Drown them.
- My mum got really annoyed when I tried to tickle my little sister's feet... she said something about 'waiting till she was born'.
- My friend keeps trying to annoy me by using bird puns But I soon realised that toucan play at that game.
- I really loved the Harry Potter books. But the Gryffindor ghost, "Nearly Headless Nick" has always annoyed me. I think it's because he really was poorly executed.
- When I was in college I met a girl at a bar and we exchanged phone numbers... But then every time the phone rang it was for her. It was very confusing and annoying
- I miss the days when the Annoying Orange was just a fictional youtube character And not the President of the United States.
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Annoyed One Liners
Which annoyed one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with annoyed? I can suggest the ones about annoyance and irritated.
- I was raised as an only child which really annoyed my sister
- I became a proud father today.... My son's 4 but he's been pretty annoying until now
- I lost my voice today I can't tell you how annoying it is.
- Someone stole my flashlight. I'm not annoyed. I'm delighted.
- Did you know if you rearrange all the letters in post office They get really annoyed
- I finally fixed that annoying noise in my car. I opened the door and pushed her out.
- What lives in the ocean and IS REALLY LOUD AND ANNOYING. A yellyfish.
- My brother started making terrible bird puns to annoy me... But toucan play at that game
- Friction annoys me. It's such a drag.
- What did tornado say to it's annoying twin? Sigh, clone.
- I used to be ugly, but then I bought an acoustic guitar Now I'm ugly and annoying
- Wish I could be ugly for just one day. Being ugly everyday is pretty annoying.
- My wife is a lot like Apple Always finding new and innovative ways to be annoying.
- Why are pediatricians always so annoyed? Because they have very little patients
- Girl, are you dial-up internet? Because you're really loud and annoying.
Charming Humor Annoyed Jokes with Loads of Fun
What funny jokes about annoyed you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean annoying people jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make annoyed pranks.
I took a poll recently
and 100% of people were annoyed with their tent falling down.
Returning on Investment
After being away on buisness, Tim thought it would be nice to bring his wife a little gift.
"How about some perfume?" he asked the cosmetics clerk.
She showed him a bottle costing $50. "That's a bit much," said Tim, so she returned with a smaller bottle for $30.
"That's still quite a bit," Tim complained.
Growing annoyed, the clerk brought out a tiny $15 bottle.
"What I mean," said Tim, "is I'd like to see something really cheap."
The clerk handed him a mirror.
A guy walks into a bar with a dog under his arm...
...he announces to everyone in the bar that his dog can talk and he will make a $1000 bet with anyone who doesn't believe him. The bartender saw this as a great opportunity so he took the man up on the wager.
The man looks at the dog and says, "What is the top of a house called?" The dog said, "Roof."
Quite annoyed the bartender vented his grief in defeat. "Well, how bout a different word, double or nothing?" the man said. The bartender begrudgingly accepted as the man asked, "Who was the greatest baseball player ever?"
In a muffled response the dog said, "Ruth."
Furious, the bartender grabbed the man and the dog and threw them out the bar. As they landed on the sidewalk, the dog looked at the man with a puzzled look. "DiMaggio?"
Pouring rain, New York City. A drunk hails a cab.
Cabbie rolls down the windo, the drunk man says "hey mister, do you gave room for half a chicken and a six-pack in here"?
Annoyed, the cabbie says "sure"
the drunk says BLUGHHHHHH
Annoyed by the professor of anatomy
who liked to tell "naughty" stories during class, a group of female students decided that the next time he started to tell one, they would all rise and leave the room in protest. The professor, however, got wind of their scheme just before class the following day, so he bided his time. Then, halfway through the lecture, he began. "They say there is quite a shortage of prostitutes in France." The girls looked at one another, arose and started for the door. "Young ladies," said the professor with a broad smile, "the next plane doesn't leave till tomorrow afternoon."
People keep telling me that they are annoyed by all my Linkin Park references...
but in the end, it doesn't even matter...
What did the Frenchman say to the Englishman
An Englishman is telling a joke to a Frenchman, he says what did the Frenchman say to the Englishman. The Frenchman says he doesn't know, but the Englishman insists that he guesses.
After a few frustrated guesses the Frenchman eventually caves in, annoyed that the Englishman doesn't seem to understand how jokes work.
'I give up'
The Englishman smiles and walks off.
[original joke I just made up, [f]irst time]
Our neighbors got really annoyed at me after I played catch with their son yesterday.
But in fairness, I couldn't find a ball, and the kid actually seemed to enjoy getting tossed back and forth. So I don't know what the big deal is.
My interviewer kept getting annoyed at me...
...when I kept responding to each question with the same question - only in a really sarcastic way.
Apparently, I don't know what a "mock interview" means.
A blonde's house catches on fire..
She starts freaking out and finally calls 911. She exclaims, "my house is on fire come as fast as you can!" The operated says, "Okay, calm down and tell me how do we get to your house?", the blonde then replies arrogantly and annoyed, "Well duh, in the big red truck!"
A Chinese couple named Mr. and Mrs. Wong went to the hospital to have a baby...
Mrs. Wong had the baby soon after they arrived, and after they got to see their child, a nurse took it away for medical examinations. When she returned, she was carrying a white baby, not an Asian one. Mr. Wong was surprised and a little annoyed at the mistake and curtly told the nurse to go back and get their actual baby. The nurse insisted that it was the correct child, but Mr. Wong was positive that a mistake had been made, because, as he put it, "Two Wongs don't make a white."
The excited blonde .
A blonde went to Brisbane for first time.. She was very excited and as soon as the plane landed in brisbane, she began shouting ''Brisbane Brisbane''
The air hostess being annoyed said '' Please mam , Be silent''
The blonde then shouted ''Risane Risane''
A pirate walks into a bar...
... with a steering wheel coming out of his zipper. The bartender notices, and says to the pirate, "Hey, buddy. You know you got a steering wheel coming out of your pants?" The pirate looks at the bartender with an annoyed stare and says, "Arrrrr! I know. It's driving me nuts."
Breakfast Wife
(Overheard at work)
I was eating breakfast at a dinner with the old lady when the man at the next booth says to his wife, "Please pass the sugar, sugar".
A short time later at the booth on the opposite side of me, the man says to his wife, "Please pass the honey, honey".
Annoyed, my wife says to me "How come you never talk sweet to me like that?"
"Ok", I say, "Please pass the bacon, pig."
An old Jewish couple is going to bed
The husband can't fall asleep, so his wife asks him:
- Abraham, why can't you fall asleep?
The husband responds:
- I owe Binyamin a lot of money, and I don't think I can give it back in time.
The wife is annoyed, picks up a phone and dials a number on it:
-Hello, Binyamin? Abraham is not going to give the money back!
Then she abruptly hangs the phone, and says:
- If we are not sleeping, he is not sleeping!
A woman decides to call her friend in a foreign language while waiting in line at a grocery store.
When she finishes, a racist American man gets annoyed.
The man says, "You have to speak English in God's forsaken land of America! If you want to speak Spanish, go back to Mexico!"
The woman says, "I was speaking Navajo. If you want to speak English, go back to England."
Drunk a grocery store
Drunk guy standing in line at a grocery store looks at the woman in front of him then down at her items at the register.
He says "You must be single"
The woman kinda annoyed but amazed says " OK I'll bite, how did you know that?"
Drunk man looks at her and slurs " Cause you're ugly"
I recently met up with an old girlfriend of mine and we immediately started having s**......
...The police got annoyed, however - they only wanted me to identify the body.
A Jew is stuck in a well.
A Jew is stuck in a well. Three men pass by at different times and notice this.
The first one, a Christian, says, "Hey! Give me your hand!". The Jew refuses, and the perplexed Christian man leaves.
The second one, a Hindu, says, "You seem to be in trouble! Give me your hand!". The Jew refuses again, and the Hindu man is annoyed and confused, so he leaves without another word.
Then, a Muslim man arrives and says, "Take my hand!", and the Jew accepts.
A man walks into a bar and notices two fat women.
They had obviously been drinking a lot, and were speaking loudly with heavy accents. After an hour he becomes annoyed with the noise, walks over to them and asks, "I'm sorry to interrupt, but are you two ladies from Scotland?"
"Wales, you idiot!", shouts the fattest one.
"I'm sorry," he says. "Are you two whales from Scotland?"
I'm really annoyed, my wifes sister sat on my glasses and broke them!
to be fair, it was probably my fault for leaving them on
A man with anxiety accidentally annoyed the cartel
He began seeing a psychiatrist because of hispanic attacks.
A drunk man approaches two overweight women after overhearing their conversation...
and says to them:
"Hey! I recognize that accent! Which part of England are you two lovely women from?"
Annoyed at the man's ignorance, they exclaim: "It's Wales!"
"Oh I'm so sorry! Which part of England are you two lovely *whales* from?"
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar...
The first mathematician orders a beer. The second mathematician orders half a beer. The third mathematician orders a quarter of a beer. The fourth mathematician orders an eighth of a beer. Before the next one can speak, the rather annoyed bartender slams two beers down on the bar and says, "You guys really need to learn your limits!"
Blonde and the pervert.
Who's really annoyed because a pervert keeps peeping through the keyhole while shes in the bathroom. One day she has a brilliant idea though. So the next day the pervert sees the blonde going to the bathroom, as the pervert approaches the bathroom he notices something odd.... the door isn't there anymore and he can see the blonde completely n**... changing her clothes. The blonde laughs at the pervert and says "Can't peep through the keyhole anymore!"
I was in the public toilets today and as I sat down, a voice from the next cubicle said "Hi, how are you?".
Embarrassed, I said, "I'm doing fine".
The voice said "So what are you up to?".
I said, "Just doing the same as you - sitting here!
He said "Can I come over?".
Annoyed, I say "I'm rather busy right now".
Then the voice said, "Listen, I'll have to call you back, there's an i.d.i.o.t in the cubicle next to me answering all my questions".
I can't believe this happened
I was on the toilet, and shortly after I sat down I heard from the stall next door, "Hi, how are you?". Embarrassed but not wanting to be rude I said "doing fine?" Then I hear them ask "So what are you up to?". ?!?! "Um..." I said "Same as you I'd guess. Just sitting here." Then I'm completely caught off guard when asked "Can I come over?" "I'm kind of busy at the moment" Annoyed I responded. Then I hear "Listen, I'll call you back later, the idiot in the next stall is answering all of my questions."
Why did the midget get kicked off a n**... beach?
People got seriously annoyed with him sticking his nose into everybody's business.
Interviewer: How much milk do these cows give?
Farmer: Which one? The Black one or the brown one?
Interviewer: Brown one.
Farmer: A couple of litres per day.
Interviewer: And the black one?
Farmer: A couple of litres per day.
Interviewer(naturally a bit flummoxed): I see. What do you give them to eat?
Farmer: Which one? Black or brown?
Interviewer: Black.
Farmer: It eats grass.
Interviewer: And the other one?
Farmer: Grass.
Interviewer(now annoyed) : Why do you keep asking which one when the answers are the same?!
Farmer: Because the black one's mine.
Interviewer: Oh, and the brown one?
Farmer: It's also mine.
Some random guy on the street turned me into a bottle of tequila which rather annoyed me.
I hate when people Patrónize me
My son came home from school and I immediately asked him:
"Hey son, what has 4 legs but isn't alive?"
"Dad, you told me that one yesterday" he said, looking annoyed. "It's a chair."
"Not this time son...the mailman ran over your dog today."
A rabbit walks into a men's clothing store...
And the clerk says,"May I help you, sir?"
"Yes", says the rabbit. "I'd like a BLT with some coleslaw please."
"I'm sorry sir", says the clerk," but we don't have that here."
"Oh, ok.", says the slightly deflated rabbit. "I guess I'll have a house salad."
"Sir," replies the slightly annoyed clerk," we don't have that. Is there something else I can help you with?"
"Well," says the rabbit," in that case I'll just have a bowl of tomato soup."
The clerk is now incensed. "Sir, we don't have food! The sign outside clearly says 'men's clothing store'! Can't you read?"
"Listen, buddy", says the rabbit,"if I could read, I would have asked you for a menu!"
A German and a Swiss are arguing about who's country is better...
The German, clearly annoyed, asks the Swiss
"So what's so great about Switzerland?" The Swiss shrugs, simply saying.
"Well, the flag is a big plus."
I hate when parents say their kids age in months
It's annoyed me for about 36 months now
Interrogation
A police officer came to my house and asked me where I was between 5 and 6. He seemed annoyed when I answered, "kindergarten!"
When Noah reached land, he threw open the ark doors and said, "Go forth and multiply".
When all the animals cleared out, only a pair of confused looking snakes remained.
"Didn't you hear me? Go forth and multiply!" Said Noah, annoyed.
"We can't" replied one of the snakes. "We're adders".
A foreign man walks into a bar...
He sees a group of hot women, and asks them, "Where are you from?" in a thick accent.
Somewhat annoyed, they reply, "Go away, we're l**...!"
Determined to get one of them, he says, "but I'm from Lesbia too!"
A Bass Teacher is excited about getting a new, young student.
The kid is comes in for his first lesson and learns all the notes on the E string.
Next week he comes in and the instructor shows him all of the notes on the A string.
The third week comes, the teacher is waiting, but the kid never shows up. Annoyed, he calls him to see where he is.
The kid picks up and says,
"Oh, sorry man, I got a gig..."
A soldier's revenge after his SO broke up
A soldier serving in Afghanistan was annoyed and upset when his girl wrote breaking off their engagement and asking for her photograph back.
He went out and collected from his friends all the unwanted photographs of women that he could find, bundled them all together and sent them back with a note saying,
"I regret to inform you that I cannot remember which one is you -- please keep your photo and return the others."
My wife is an English teacher
She always corrects my grammar while having s**.... I'll go "s**... it good" and she'll reply "it's s**... it well!". I'll say "Who's your daddy" and she'll correct "who's your dad".
She gets particularly annoyed about my improper use of colon.
I caught my sister m**... with a carrot
I was annoyed because I was gonna eat that later...
And now it's gonna taste like carrot....
I was tailgated going 15 over
I was going 15 over the limit in the fast lane and being tailgated so I moved to the slow lane. The car behind continued to stay on my bumper. I couldn't shake him and was becoming very annoyed.
He looked so ridiculous with his flashing lights and his annoying siren.
The teacher tells little Jack, "I'm going to describe an animal and you have to guess what it is."
"It lives on a farm and gives milk"
"A cow?"
"That's correct too, but I meant a goat. What lives on a farm, has feathers and lays eggs?"
"A chicken"
"That's correct too but I meant a duck."
Little Jack, getting annoyed, asks the teacher: "What goes into your mouth hard, and comes out soft and wet?"
The teacher starts blushing.
"That's correct too but I meant chewing gum."
Why was the parenthesis annoyed?
Because of the crying childrenthesis.
At Munich Airport
A young man approaches an Olympic athlete carrying a long pole and asks are you a pole vaulter?
The man clearly annoyed responds no, I'm German, and how did you know my name is Walter?!
Jack goes to his friend Mike
Jack goes to his friend Mike and says ...
"I'm sleeping with the pastor's wife. Can you hold him in church for an hour after mass for me?"
The friend doesn't like it but being a friend, he agrees.
After mass, he starts talking to the pastor, asking him all sorts of s**... questions, just to keep him occupied.
Finally the pastor gets annoyed and asks Mike what he's really up to.
Mike, feeling guilty, finally confesses to the pastor...
"My friend is sleeping with your wife right now, so he asked me to keep you occupied."
The pastor smiles, puts a brotherly hand on Mike's shoulder and says...
"You better hurry home now. My wife died a year ago"
I wouldn't make a joke about any letter of the alphabet, because they could get annoyed...
Especially about X. He is really gon give it to ya.
I spent 15 years suffering from chronic procrastination....
And I still can't decide if I prefer sativa or indica.
P.s I am getting really annoyed by that persistent promoted post!
Little Johnny and His Baby Sister
Little Johnny's newborn baby sister just wouldn't stop crying one day.
Annoyed, Little Johnny asked his mom where they had got her from.
"From Heaven," replied his mom.
"Well, I can see why they threw her out!"
I'm so annoyed at how much Microsoft tries to make me use their browser...
It's pushing me to the Edge
My girlfriend said she was getting annoyed with all my fish puns
So I told her if she wanted me to stop making them to let minnow.
The Librarian
What time does the library open? the man on the phone asked.
Annoyed, the librarian composed himself before he answered.
9 am, came the reply. And what's the idea of calling me at home in the middle of the night to ask a question like that?
Not until 9 am? the man asked in a disappointed voice.
The librarian began to get angry.
No, not until 9 am, said the librarian. Why do you want to get in before 9 am?
Who said I wanted to get in? the man sighed sadly. I want to get o
What did the annoyed doctor say to the radiologist?
You're testing my patients.
Once I got annoyed with my Nokia and threw it at the wall
Now I'm in jail for murdering my neighbour
I'm dating an English teacher who keeps correcting my grammar during s**....
She gets particularly annoyed about my improper use of the colon.
Currency trading
I used to trade currency. this asian guy came in and wanted to exchange 10,000yen - I gave him $120.
a week later he came in with another 10,000yen - I gave him $105.
a week after that he came in with another 10,000yen - I gave him $135.
the guy said to me in an annoyed voice " why one week $120, then $105, then $135! - why the difference?!!?"
I says to him "fluctuations"
He responds "fluck you white people"
After 10 years of marriage, wife manage to discover 5 eggs and 5.000 euros on the cabinet.
\-Darling, I'm sorry, but I went to your office and found 5 eggs and 5.000 euros , what's the deal with it?
\-Well, how can I explain it... Since the beginning of our marriage, I would store one egg for each time you annoyed me.
\-Oh, that's so sweet! And what the 5.000 euros are for?
\-I usually wait when I have a dozen of eggs before selling then.
Siri kept on calling me Shirley today
I was beginning to get annoyed about it but then I realised I'd left my phone in Airplane mode.
My little daughter came to me all excited, saying, Daddy! Daddy! Guess how old I'll be in August! I said, Oh I don't know princess, why don't you tell me? She gave me a huge smile and held up four fingers...
It's now three hours later, the police are annoyed and she *still* won't say where she got them...
While testing a newly installed computer, an Army officer asked the machine to predict the probability of World War Three and promptly received a one-word answer: "Yes."
Annoyed at the lack of detail, the officer
barked, "Yes, what?" Instantly the machine
replied, "Yes, sir!"
The operator got annoyed at me for whispering..
but I don't get it, they said themselves they're 'experiencing unsually high call volume'
A duck goes to a green grocer
He asks ya got any grapes? The shopkeeper says no the duck asks ya got any grapes? The shopkeeper says no and the duck asks you got any grapes? The shopkeeper is very annoyed at him and says If you ask if I have any grapes one more time I'll nail your head to my counter! The duck asks ya got any nails? And the shopkeeper says no so the duck asks ya got any grapes
A man has a booth at a fair with a talking cat...
A woman walks up and asks, "Can your cat really talk?"
The man turns to the cat and asks, "Which leader is attributed to the most deaths in human history?"
The cat says, "Mao."
The woman, who is annoyed by this ruse, walks away.
The cat turns to the man and asks, "Should I have said Genghis Khan?"
How many nice guys does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, they'll just compliment it and get annoyed it won't screw
My little daughter came to me all excited, shrieking, Daddy! Daddy! Guess how old I'll be in October! Playing along, I laughed, Oh I don't know princess, why don't you tell me? She gave me a huge smile and held up four fingers...
It's now three hours later, the police are annoyed and she *still* won't say where she got them...
Can one of the Mods please explain to me why my post was removed?
I'm really annoyed about this because now my fence has fallen over....
A Man Sees a Therapist Because He Isn't Getting Enough Sleep
(Go easy on me, I'm new to the sub)
Upon hearing this the therapist asks: "So when was your last s**... encounter?"
Clearly annoyed, the man responds: "Why does everything come back to s**... with you psychologists? My sleep has absolutely nothing to do with s**...!!"
And the therapist says: "How would YOU know? You're not getting any of either."
My boyfriend is always annoyed that I always mix up my directions, and he finally told me to leave,
So I packed my bags and I right left away
My parents raised me as an only child...
...which really annoyed my younger brother.
Annoyed at my constant reminders to stop eating her own body parts,
my wife threw up her hands in frustration.
A cop was patrolling a neighborhood after receiving a call from dispatch about suspicious activity.
He stopped a man walking past and asked, "Seen anything unusual?"
"I saw a dolphin wearing a hat once," said the man.
"I meant around here," the cop said annoyed.
*"Nah man, they live in the water."*
A captain notices a light in the distance, on a collision course with his ship.
He turns on his signal lamp and sends, Change your course, 10 degrees west.
The light signals back, Change yours, 10 degrees east.
The captain gets a little annoyed. He signals, I'm a US Navy captain. You must change your course, sir.
The light signals back, I'm a s**... First Class. You must change your course, sir.
Now the captain is mad. He signals, I'm an aircraft carrier. I'm not changing my course.
The light signals back a final message: I'm a lighthouse. Your call.
So my friend got annoyed that I kept singing Pompeii by Bastille, so they told me to stop.
How am I gonna be an optimist about this?
A drunk stumbled to a church to ask a priest a question. He drunkenly asked "Father, what causes arthritis?"
The priest, annoyed by the drunk, angrily replies:
"Arthritis? That's caused by drinking! Drinking too much!" The priest declared.
"Oh really father?" The drunk slurred.
However, the father wanted to really teach this man a lesson, and he said:
"Having un-wed s**... also causes arthritis! And smoking! And gambling! All of it!" The priest shouted.
"Oh really father?" The drunk mumbled. "Because I read in the news that people in the clergy suffer from arthritis."
A nurse goes to make a note on a chart, but when she reaches into her pocket, she pulls out a r**... thermometer.
Annoyed, she mutters to herself, "d**..., some a**... has got my pen."
An patient is heard laughing to himself at night in an asylum
'Why are you laughing?' Asks his neighbour after being woken from his sleep
I just told myself a joke replies the patient, before falling back asleep.
A couple of hours later the patient begins laughing again, even louder than before.
'Why are you laughing now?' Asks the neighbour annoyed after being disturbed from his sleep the second time.
The patient replies I told myself another joke, but I didn't know it this time.
A guy calls a law office and says, "I want to talk to my lawyer."
The receptionist replies, "I'm sorry, but he died last week."
The next day he phones again and asks the same question. The receptionist replies, "I told you yesterday, he died last week."
The next day the guy calls again and asks to speak to his lawyer. By this time the receptionist is getting a little annoyed and says, "I keep telling you, your lawyer died last week. Why do you keep calling?"
The guy says, "Because I just love hearing it."
