Announcement Jokes
85 announcement jokes and hilarious announcement puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about announcement that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Get ready for some hilarious jokes about pregnancy announcements, school announcements, airport announcements, public service announcements, and more! From amusing morning announcements to entertaining church bulletins, these jokes are sure to bring out a few chuckles from your entourage during turbulence. Read on for some funny announcement jokes!
Quick Jump To
- Short Announcement Jokes
- Announcement One Liners
- Morning Announcement Jokes
- School Announcement Jokes
- Church Announcement Jokes
- Airport Announcement Jokes
- Pregnancy Announcement Jokes
- More Announcement Jokes
Funniest Announcement Short Jokes
Short announcement jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The announcement humour may include short invitation jokes also.
- As we landed in Saudi Arabia the pilot announced "Ladies and Gentlemen don't forget to adjust your watches to local time" I thought to myself how do I turn it back to the 7th century?
- Every morning at breakfast for the past 6 months, I announce loudly to my family that I'm going for a jog, and then I don't. It's my longest running joke of the year.
- The UK Prime Minister just announced her resignation. This is not surprising. It is the end of May, after all.
- I love dad jokes WIFE: I have a couple of important announcements... First: I'm pregnant.
HUSBAND: Hi Pregnant, I'm dad
WIFE: Second: No you're not - President Biden has announced water is now only legal in three states. Solid, liquid and gas.
- Justin Timberlake announces that he will be joining the war in Ukrain. Early reports suggest that he will be stationed somewhere along the Crimea river
- I'm pleased to announce Reddit has achieved its goal in becoming one of the top 10 green companies in the world! The front page is now made up of over 90% recycled content
- If you find $60-80 to be too expensive for ancestry DNA kits, I have a cheap alternative... Announce that you won the lottery and you'll quickly find relatives you never knew you had!
- Donald Trump has announced that he plan to extend his wall across the oceans... This news came after he discovered that a man named Jesus managed to walk on water.
- A Russian named Rudolf woke up one morning He looked out the window and announced, _"It's raining."_
His wife said, _"No dear, it's sleeting."_
He replied, _"Rudolf the Red knows rain, dear."_
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Announcement One Liners
Which announcement one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with announcement? I can suggest the ones about announces and advertisement.
- What did the bad soccer announcer get for Christmas? COOOAAAALLL!!!
- Why do golf announcers whisper? Because they don't want to wake up the people watching.
- ALDI grocery stores have announced their new store brand peanuts. ALDI's nuts
- Tide announced the new motto for their pods line. Cleaning the gene pool since 2017.
- QAnon has announced a beauty pageant The winner will be crowned Miss Information
- Demi Lovato announced they are non-binary today Congratulations Themi Lovato!
- They recently announced the title for Fast and furious 10 Fast 10:your seatbelts
- Apple Stock Apple's stock surges on announcement of two-child policy change in China
- My government recently announced they're phasing out Roman numerals... Not on my watch.
- A scientist announced he managed to cool something down to absolute zero. It was 0K.
- Apple just announced their next groundbreaking product The iShovel
- Walmart announced the closing of 175 stores in 2018 Putting 12 cashiers out of work
- The white Xbox One S was just announced. Of course it's 40% smaller than the black one.
- What did the bad soccer announcer get for Christmas? COOOOOAAAAALLLLLLLLL
- covid pi has just been announced I feel we are going around in circles.
Morning Announcement Jokes
Here is a list of funny morning announcement jokes and even better morning announcement puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Ever since the pandemic started, every morning I proudly announce to my family that I'm going for a jog and then I don't... It's my longest running joke of the year so far...
- This morning Alabama announced they have discovered a new use for sheep. Wool.
- A man goes to the doctor and announces, "Doctor! I have a bowel movement every morning at 7:00" "That's perfectly healthy", replies the doctor.
"But I wake up at 7:30!" - "Good morning ladies!" The blind man announced as he strolled through the fish market.
- This morning, 50 Cent announced he's filing for bankruptcy. He also announced he'll be touring with Nickelback to recoup 10% of his losses.
- The White House Announced A New Environmental Initiative This Morning They will now recycle the same b**... everyday instead of buying it fresh.
School Announcement Jokes
Here is a list of funny school announcement jokes and even better school announcement puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- My daughter came home from her first day at school and announced that she "learned how to make babies" You drop the "y" and add "ies".
- Bill Cosby University of Michigan is pleased to announce a gift from the Cosby family for the new school to be names in his honor.
The Sleep Studies Center for women. - How are 4chan and Tumblr alike? They usually announce a trigger warning before mentioning a school shooting
- My school announced that they had fixed the elevator today. Now that's what I call uplifting news.
Church Announcement Jokes
Here is a list of funny church announcement jokes and even better church announcement puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- "We're happy to announce NASA's newest mission will allow us to LITERALLY touch our own Sun!" "Before we continue, please welcome our strangely-excited sponsors, the Catholic Church!"
Airport Announcement Jokes
Here is a list of funny airport announcement jokes and even better airport announcement puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- TIL that you can fly from any airport .
.
.
Without announcing on facebook!
Pregnancy Announcement Jokes
Here is a list of funny pregnancy announcement jokes and even better pregnancy announcement puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- To all the women who are going to be making pregnancy announcements today... You aren't fooling anyone, you've been showing for months.
- Doctors are amazed and shocked at the announcement of Amy Schumers pregnancy... 'We know we share a lot of DNA with pigs but we didn't think a male human could get one pregnant!'
- Wife nixed my rabbit tandoori pregnancy announcement photos. I wanted to let everyone know we have a bun in the oven.
Giggle-Inducing Announcement Jokes for Joyful Times with Friends
What funny jokes about announcement you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean headline jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make announcement pranks.
My 93 year old grandfather FTW
We were at a family gathering and out of nowhere my 93 year old grandfather announces ''Well, now I have to sit down now when I pee..."
All conversation grinds to a halt and everyone looks at him.
"My doctor told me no more heavy lifting."
My grandpa's favorite joke
This works better in my native language, but I am going to do my best to try to translate it effectively.
At the end of a good day's work, an accountant goes home and announces proudly to his wife "Honey, I missed the bus today but I saved $2 by chasing after it all the way home! "
His wife fixes him with a look of pure contempt and says "You fool!! You could have saved $75 if you'd only chased after a cab."
As airplanes about to c**......
As an airplane is about to c**..., a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, "If I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman."
She removes all her clothing and asks, "Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?"
A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, "Here, iron this!".
Boris Johnson, Justin Trudeau and Emmanuel Macron at NATO meeting joking about Trump:
Macron: Is that why he was late?
Trudeau: He was late because he takes a 40-minute press conference off the top !
Trudeau: Oh, yeah, yeah yeah. He announced ...
An airline employee makes the final boarding call for a flight.
After she finished the announcement, she spots a man running down the concourse towards the gate. He runs through the boarding area, hurdles a row of empty chairs, and stops at the podium, almost out of breath.
"You just made it!" she says. "Do you have your boarding pass?"
"Oh, this isn't my flight," the man says. "I just wanted to tell you that I'm vegan."
Bill pulled up a stool at his favorite bar and announced...
My wife Suzie must love me more than any woman has ever loved any man!
What makes you say that? the bartender inquired.
Last week, Bill explained, I had to take a couple of sick days from work. Suzie was so thrilled to have me around that every time the milkman or mailman came by, she'd run down the driveway waving her arms and hollering, 'My husband's home! My husband's home!'
A Texas farmer was touring England. He happened to meet an English farmer and asked him, "What size farm do you have?"
The Englishman proudly announced, "Thirty-five acres!"
"Thirty-five acres?" the Texan scoffed. "Why, I can get in my truck at 8:00 AM and start driving and at noon, I am still on my farm. I can eat lunch and start driving again and at 5:00 PM I am still on my farm.
"Ah, yes," the Englishman nodded in understanding. "I had a truck like that once."
I hope Joe Biden will run for president in 2020
Because when he announces it he's able to say that he's been Biden his time.....
I'm sorry
It was announced yesterday that the 2020 Summer Olympics in Tokyo will make all of its medals from recycled cellphones.
Well, they're going to make the Olympic torch out of a Samsung Galaxy.
Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?
As an airplane is about to c**..., a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, "If I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman." She removes all her clothing and asks, "Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?" A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, "Here, iron this!".
So they just announced the title to the tenth fast and furious movie..
Fast10: Your Seatbelts.
Congress has finally made a decision and just announced that if Roy Moore wins the senate...
They will be ending their 'take your daughter to work' program.
A Soviet newspaper announces:
"Last night, the Chernobyl Nuclear Power Station fulfilled the Five Year Plan for heat energy generation..."
"...in four microseconds."
Japanese Banking Crisis
Uncertainty has hit the Japanese banking industry.
In the past week, Origami bank has folded, Sumo bank has gone belly up and Bonsai bank announced plans to cut some of its branches.
Last week it was announced that Karaoke bank is up for sale and will likely go for a song while shares in Kamikaze bank were suspended after they nosedived.
Samurai bank is soldiering on following sharp cutbacks, Ninja bank is reported to have taken a hit, but it remains in the black.
Furthermore 500 staff at Karate bank got the chop and analysts report there is something fishy going on at Sushi bank where it's feared staff may get a raw deal.
I love how Pit Bull announces himself at the beginning of every song
giving us time to change the song.
The best in town!
Three guys are drinking in a bar when a drunk comes in, staggers up to the counter, and points at the guy in the middle, shouting, "Your mom's the best s**... in town!" Everyone expects a fight, but the guy ignores him, so the drunk wanders off and bellies up to the bar at the far end. Ten minutes later, the drunk comes back, points at the same guy, and says, "I just did your mom, and it was sw-eeeeet!" Again, the guy refuses to take the bait, and the drunk goes back to the far end of the bar. Ten minutes later, he comes back and announces, "Your mom liked it!" Finally, the guy interrupts. "Go home, dad, you're drunk.
I'm happy to announce that I've been sober for 40 days!
Not in a row or anything. Just total.
Three dinosaurs are running across the desert when they stumble across a magic lamp.
They rub it, and a genie appears.
"I have three wishes, so I'll give one to each of you," the genie announces.
The first dinosaur thinks hard.
"Alright," he says, "I'll have a big, juicy, piece of meat."
Instantly, the biggest, juiciest piece of meat he'd ever seen appears in front of him.
Not to be outdone, the second dinosaur thinks even harder.
"I know! I'll have a shower of meat!"
Immediately, huge pieces of meat rain down around him.
The third dinosaur, certainly not to be outdone, thinks harder than the previous dinosaurs.
"I've got it!" he cries, "I want a MEATIER shower!"
It was just announced that William Shatner's womens' l**... company has been discontinued.
Apparently "Shatner p**..." isn't a great name for an underwear brand.
In 1999, in the midst of the Y2K panic, the k**... Jelly company announced it was now Y2K compliant:
Known as 'Y2KY Jelly, it now allowed you to put all four digits in your date
The ad in the paper said, "You think you're funny? Tell us your best pun, and you'll win a $200 Amazon gift card!"
Well, I just couldn't resist. I sat down and wrote not one, but 10 of my best knee-slappers, rib-ticklers, and witty turns-of-phrase. I sent my list of comedy gold to the paper, and then began daydreaming about what I would do with $200.
The day on which the paper announced the contest winner finally arrived! I scanned, and then carefully read the full-page of submissions, but the truth stared me in the face. Of my submissions that should have won, no pun in ten did.
President Joe Biden announced that he would give a free bottle of Bud Light to anyone who got a vaccine.
Not to be outdone, the next day, the President Obrador of Mexico announced that he would give a bottle of Corona to anyone who got a vaccine.
The day after, the President Higgins of Ireland announced that he'd be giving out free bottles of water.
Biden and Obrador were confused and gave the Irish President a Zoom call. "We kinda expected you to give out free Guiness, being from Ireland and all"
The Irish President replied: "Well, if you guys aren't giving out beer, then neither am I."
I couldn't afford an Ancestry DNA kit...
So I just announced that I had won the lottery. I soon found out to all my relatives are.
Two women were fighting for the last available seat on the bus.
No amount of reasoning was helping the bus driver resolve the issue. In desperation he grabbed his training manual and announced:
'The policy is to allow the seat to go to the uglier one.'
Both women stood for the remainder of the trip.
Wine
A gal walks into a bar and orders a bottle of wine. After she downs most of the bottle she tries to get the bartender's attention. "I used to be grapes!" she announces loudly. "What?" the confused bartender asks. "I'm sorry," she apologizes. "That must have been the wine talking."
Two engineers were standing at the base of a flagpole, looking at its top. A blonde walked by and asked what they were doing.
"We're supposed to find the height of this flagpole," said Sven, "but we don't have a ladder."
The woman took a wrench from her purse, loosened a couple of bolts, and laid the pole down on the ground. Then she took a tape measure from her handbag, took a measurement and announced, "Twenty one feet, six inches," and walked away.
One engineer shook his head and laughed, "Typical blonde! We ask for the height and she gives us the length!"
JUST ANNOUNCED: Disney in talks of a Star Wars - Back to the Future crossover where Marty flies so far back in time (long, long ago) that he fuses with his car
He becomes the ManDeLorean
BREAKING: Singapore announces plans to decriminalize gay s**....
Bangkok to follow.
A group of engineering students and their professor were given free airline tickets to go on a holiday...
Once they boarded the plane, the captain announced that they would be flying on a plane that the students had built.
Every one of the students panicked and left the plane, except for the professor. When the flight attendant asked the professor why he hadn't left the plane too he responded "I know the abilities of my students quite well... this s**... won't even start".
(True joke) In 1960, after winning his olympic gold medal, Muhammad Ali went to eat at a fancy downtown resteraunt.
When the waiter came over Ali asked for a cheeseburger.
Shocked to see a black man sitting in the resteraunt, the waiter announced "We don't serve n**...".
Ali: "Well I don't eat them either, just give me my d**... cheeseburger".
Fellow redditors, I am pleased to announce that I am clean and sober.
So I'm going to finish this shower and head to the liquor store
In a surprising announcement, Head & Shoulders have decided to discontinue their popular anti dandruff shampoo line.
The decision left many scratching their heads.
Russia has announced early results from the election
The election isn't until tomorrow, but they've already announced that Putin has won.
Today SpaceX announced plans to launch several Guernsey cows into low earth orbit
They shall be known as "The Herd Shot Round The World."
BREAKING NEWS: 50 Cent are changing their name!
50 Cent announced today that he would be rebranding to 75 cent to keep up with inflation.
On day six of the Creation, God announced to his archangel underlings, "Today we're creating a place called Canada.
"Today we're creating a place called Canada. Pull out all the stops. Give it beautiful mountains, lakes, plains, forests, and sandy beaches. Underground, give it oil, gold, etc. Oh, and plenty of fish and wildlife."
"Sir," interjected an archangel, "aren't you being overly generous to these Canadians?"
"Don't worry, I'll balance it out," said God. "Wait 'till you see the neighbours I'm giving them."
A cat owner invited their neighbor over for dinner and introduced their four cats. "That's Alogue, Aract, Erpillar, and Astrophe," they announced. The neighbor was surprised and asked, Where on Earth did you get those names?
Oh, those are their last names, the owner said. Their first names are Cat.
Ukraine has announced plans to open Chernobyl as a theme park.
They say It's just like Disneyland. Except the 6-foot mouse is real...
