Announcement Jokes

Following is our collection of turbulence humor and mic one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. They include Announcement puns for adults, dirty overbooked jokes or clean notification gags for kids.

There is an abundance of announce jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 44 funniest jokes on announcement. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any proclamation witze you can hear about announcement.

The Best jokes about Announcement

An airline employee makes the final boarding call for a flight.

After she finished the announcement, she spots a man running down the concourse towards the gate. He runs through the boarding area, hurdles a row of empty chairs, and stops at the podium, almost out of breath.

"You just made it!" she says. "Do you have your boarding pass?"

"Oh, this isn't my flight," the man says. "I just wanted to tell you that I'm vegan."

Mod Announcement: Due to complaints from our fair-haired readers, blonde jokes are no longer allowed...

...because they couldn't read them.

Apple Stock

Apple's stock surges on announcement of two-child policy change in China

a husband is about to die...

he goes out with his friends to give them the bad news. he tells them he has an announcement to make

-" i wanted to thank you guys for being there for me, i want to inform you that i have AIDS and i will die in a week. "

everyone was devastated cried and left with their heart a little broken.

when the man arrived home, he told his wife everything. after finishing she screamed:

-"AIDS! why did you tell them you have AIDS? you have cancer, not aids!"

the man turns to his wife and says.

-"im going to die, but im going to make sure no one goes to bed with you too".

A pilot is making an announcement to his passengers

"We got some good news, and some bad news. The good news is you guys will be on TV tonight!"


The iPhone 8/10 unveiling was pretty great

But the 9/11 announcement will be pretty awkward and unforgettable next year

How did the angel get on top of the christmas tree?

So one year, Santa was having a bad time of it. The reindeer were threatening a strike, the elves had to recall 30% of their toys due to manufacturing defects, all in all, just a frustrating time.

So Santa stood up and made a very LOUD announcement.

"I am going to my study. I'm taking my boots off, having a cup of hot cider, and am going to read a good book. I want. to. finish. my. book."

About 5 minutes later, he hears a knock on the the door to his study. In a fury, he slams down his book, stomps over to the door, flings it open, and says "And just what do YOU want?"

An angel is standing there with a pine tree. "Where would you like me to put the christmas tree?"

A Frenchman, Englishman and a woman on a plane.

There was an Englishman, a Frenchman and a woman sitting together on a plane.

The pilot made an apologetic announcement that the passenger lighting was faulty and may go out for periods of time during their journey.

Right on cue, the lights went out and it was completely dark.
Then there was a kissing sound, followed by the sound of a really loud *SLAP*.

When the lights came back on, the woman and the Englishman were sitting as if nothing had happened, and the Frenchman had a nasty red slap mark on his face.

The Frenchman was thinking: "The English fella must have kissed the woman and she missed him and slapped me instead."

The woman was thinking: "The French fella must have tried to kiss me and actually kissed the English fella and got slapped for it."

The English guy was thinking: "This is great. The next time the power goes out, I'll make another kissing noise and slap that French guy again."

Gun loading announcement...

Apparently my local radio station had an announcement on how to load a gun.

But I never got the bulletin.

A pilot is flying a plane and shortly after mid-air announcement , forgets to turn off the mic.

He then mentions to his copilot : "I am dating that cute air hostess. After we land , we will go to the hotel and bang. "
The air hostess after hearing this runs towards the front of the plane at full speed to tell the pilot to turn off the mic and hits a blind man's stick and falls down.
The guy sitting on the other side says : "Why are you in such a hurry , we haven't even landed yet! "

Right before colliding with an iceberg...

The captain of the Titanic got ready to make an announcement:
"Good evening ladies and gentlemen. Fun fact, this ship weighs about 52 thousand kilograms. I'm gonna let that sink in..."


Did ABC purposefully mix up the Best Picture announcement in an effort to drive ratings?

After some careful research I've found nearly everybody on that stage to be a paid actor!

A blonde got tired of blonde jokes

One evening, she went home and memorized all the state capitals.

Back in the office the next day, some guy started telling a dumb blonde joke. She interrupted him with a shrill announcement, "I've had it up to here with these blonde jokes. I want you to know that this blonde went home last night and did something probably none of you could do. I memorized all the state capitals."

One of the guys, of course, said, "I don't believe you. What is the capital of Nevada?"

"N," she answered.

A joke my grandfather told me as a kid.

After the passengers loaded on, the plane flew out of the airport. As they were getting airborn, an announcement came over the speakers: "Welcome to the first fully-automated flight. There are no pilots operating this plane, it's being operated entirely by a computer. Rest assured that rigorous testing has been run to ensure that the trip will be completely safe. Nothing can go wrong.
Nothing can go wrong.
Nothing can go wrong.
Nothing can go wrong..."

An Israeli Joke

An El Al plane lands at Ben Gurion Airport in Tel Aviv the morning of December 25. As they land, the pilot makes the following announcement: "Please remain seated with your seatbelts securely fastened while we taxi to the terminal. To those of you seated with your seatbelts securely fastened, Merry Christmas. To those of you in the aisles getting your suitcases from the overhead bins, welcome home."

Russian Elections

Ministry of Russian election announcement: Elections of Vladimir Putin will commence as planned in 2018.

Latest news from the FIFA corruption scandal:

Shock announcement from FIFA's Ethics Committee:

"FIFA has an Ethics Committee"

Once all the engineering professors were sitting on one plane...

Before the take off an announcement came over the fanboy.
"This plane is made by your students"
Then all professors stood up, ran and went outside, but the principal was sitting.
One professor came and asked "Are you not afraid?"
The principal replied " I trust my students very well and I am sure the plane won't even start"

A young woman was so excited to find out she was pregnant, she had to phone all her friends right away and tell them the big news....

It was close to midnight before she finally got around to calling up her very last girlfriend with the big announcement.

"I can't believe I have a person inside me right now!" she said.

"So do I," her friend replied. "Can you call me back in an hour?"


Plane engine emergency

While on a flight the captain makes an announcement "Ladies and gentlemen we have had to turn off engine 1 and reduced speed. We will be delayed by 1 hour". A few minutes later the captain makes another announcement "Ladies and gentlemen we have had to turn off engine 2 and reduced speed, we will be delayed by another hour and have 2 engines operational". A few minutes later "Ladies and gentlemen we have had to turn off engine 3 and reduced speed, we will be delayed by another hour and have only 1 engine remaining". At this point a passenger shouts out "Oh come one, if we lose the last engine we will be up here all day!"

So I was on a plane when the pilot makes his announcement..

"We will be arriving at our destination in 3 hours..." But he forgot to turn off the microphone and says to his co-pilot "Ahhh, I could really do with a BJ and a coffee right now!". So a flight attendant runs to the front of the plane and as she ran past I then said "HEY! Don't forget the coffee!"

A man walks up to the information desk at a mall and says, I seem to have lost my kids. Can I make an announcement on the PA system?

Mall guy: Oh sure.

Man, grabbing the mike: I'm vegan.

Little Johnny wasn't getting good marks in school

One day he surprised his teacher with an announcement. He tapped her on the shoulder and said, "I don't want to scare you, but my daddy says if I don't start getting betterΒ grades, somebody is going to get a spanking!"

In the vein of today's Star Wars announcement, a topical joke

In a deleted scene from Return of the Jedi, Luke Skywalker and Darth Vader are fighting a duel to the death when suddenly Darth says to Luke: "Not only am I your Father, but I also know what you're getting for Christmas!"

Taken aback by the change of subject and suspecting a trap, Luke replies cautiously: "How could you possibly know what I'm getting for Christmas?"

Darth Vader: "Because I've felt your presents..."

A plane is on a transatlantic flight when the pilot begins to speak.

"Folks, this is your captain speaking, our number engine one has developed some trouble. We'll make it, but they'll be an hour delay."

10 minutes later, the pilot makes another announcement: "Our number two engine just quit. We'll be fine, but they'll be 2 hours late."

5 minutes go by and the pilot speaks up again: "Our number three engine is gone, we'll have a 4 hour delay now."

One minute later, the pilot begins to speak "We just lost our number four engine..."

At this moment, a passenger yells out: "At this rate, we'll be stuck here the rest of our lives!"

Silly Russian joke

Flight attendant is making an announcement:
*-Is there an anesthesiologist on board?*
Some bloke says:
*-I am anesthesiologist!*
The flight attended tells him to come to seat 12A. He comes to the seat 12A and there is another bloke pouring vodka into plastic cups. He says:
*-Hey, mate. I am a surgeon. Not used to drinking without my anesthesiologist.*

Are there any iOS developers reading this that can help me with something?

Just kidding, I know they're all too busy for Reddit after today's announcement, and are struggling to update their apps for tomorrows iOS 14 release.

A man comes to the infodesk in a mall

And says: "Sorry, I seem to have lost my son in the mall, can I make an announcement on your PA system?"
"Oh, sure"
The man leans towards the mike: "I'm vegan"

What announcement most people are still expecting to hear from Donald Trump?

"Live from New York, it's Saturday Night!"

Obama's announcement

Today, President Obama announced that, after January 20th, the official title of "U.S. Government" will be changed to include quotation marks around Government.

The captain of a cruise ship tells to the passengers and the crew..

- Dear ones, I have a good and a bad announcement to make.
Which one do you want to hear first?

- "The good one".

- We're going for 14 Oscars!

Flight Attendant on the Airplane

The other day I was on a red eye flight from Logan Airport in Boston to SeaTac in Seattle. The pilot got on the intercom and did his courtesy remarks: "welcome aboard, our flight will be 5 and a 1/2 hours... please relax and enjoy the rest of your flight."

After making the announcement he proceeds to talk to the co-pilot without turning off the intercom: "man, I sure could use a cup of coffee and a good lay right now."

The stewardess comes running up from the back of the plane to tell the pilot that the intercom is still on when the guy sitting behind me yells: "hey hun! Don't forget the coffee!"

The UK's response to COVID 19 is fairly confused after tonight's announcement.

We don't know our R's from our elbows

Train accident..

There was an accident at this train station and 20 people were dead or badly wounded after a train had hit them. Surprisingly all victims were blonde. However, there was one blonde who was intact.

A TV reporter asks the blonde, "It was a very unfortunate accident. What do you think was cause?"

Blonde replies with excitement and anger, "It happened because of wrong announcement at the station when the train arrived!"

TV Reporter is surprised, "Wrong announcement?"

Blonde says, "Yeah! The announcer said the train was coming on the platform no. 2. All these people waiting for the train on platform number 2 rushed off platform and came on the tracks."

TV Reporter is speechless, "Ummm... well... fortunately you stayed at the platform and now you are safe."

Blonde replies, "What fortunately? I came here to commit suicide!"

The flat earth movement have a proud announcement to make:

We now have followers all around the globe.

The FCC has just made a formal announcement

If anyone keeps complaining about Net Neutrality they'll pay for it.

Asked my co-worker if saw the big news report...

He said which one, The Mac 'n Cheetos announcement or the UK doing something?


True story, from 3 min ago... 'Murica

Tommy Wiseau made a quick announcement today

He said " oh hi March"!

I was travelling in a train when I heard an announcement on PA.

The announcement was "If you observe anything or anyone looking suspicious or dangerous, please report to us at 555-5555."

At that time I looked over at the female passenger seating besides me. Then I remove my phone and dialed the number 555-5555. She started looking at me suspiciously.

As soon as the line connected, I said,"Hello, I want report a suspicious looking female who is seating next to me. She seems to be dangerous as well."



At that point, the suspicious and dangerous looking female snatched my phone and shouts ,"Stop doing that John. I am your wife!".

Samsung announcement

Galaxy Note 8 batteries will NOT be manufactured in Afghanistan.

(NSFW)ish ...A boy and his mother are standing on a train platform when an announcement on the tannoy plays attention the next train on platform 2 will not be stopping

The boy shuffles closer to the edge and his mother calls out billy stand away from the edge of the platform or the train will suck you off. The boy stops for a second, looks at his mother then back at the tracks. The boy then pelvic thrusts and announces come onnnnn train

The Jackson estate recently made an announcement...

That upon his death, they'd had Michael's body melted down and cast into pieces of LEGO.

So now it's finally safe for the kids to play with Michael.

With the recent announcement of microbial life found on Mars...

We're finding out how gullible people can be.

Meanwhile at Walmart....

As I shopped, the following announcement came over the store's PA system...


"If someone here has a convertible with the top down, it just started raining... Towels are located in aisle five."

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

Joko Jokes