Following is our collection of Anniversary jokes which are very funny. There are some anniversary celebratory jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud. Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these anniversary celebrate puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
I said, "Well, if you want to get technical, it was a gift for my last girlfriend"
I got quite upset because everyone called me a pedo because I was thirty and she was twenty. So finally,I said "That's it baby, we're leaving. I'm not going to let them ruin our tenth anniversary."
Every time he gave his wife a gift for Christmas, her birthday, or their anniversary, she complained about what a sucky gift it was. She was starting to get angry.
"Larry, the next time you give me a bad gift, I will light it on fire!"
A week later was Larry's wife's birthday. She came down to see only one small box. She sighed and went to go get a lighter. She opened up the present. It was a candle.
My girlfriend and I walked into a local bar last night and everyone started calling me a pedophile and a criminal only because i'm 43 and she's 20. It completely ruined our 10th anniversary
**"Well, i took my wife to Italy on our honeymoon."** *"so what are you guys doing for your 20th wedding anniversary?"*
**"Im going back to get her."**
Husband- Happy Anniversary honey!
Husband- I was just remembering how happy we were 30 yrs ago.
Wife- You idiot, we did not know each other 30 years ago.
Husband- That's why we were so happy!
That night, the wife comes out of the bathroom naked and starts playing with her nipples.
"What did you think the first time you saw these 30 years ago?"
"I wanna to suck them dry," he says.
She crawls onto the bed, "What did you think when you saw all this 30 years ago?"
"I wanted to screw your brains out, baby," he says with a smile.
She giggles, teasingly, "What are you thinking now?"
"I think I did a pretty good job at both."
They called me a pedophile because I was 42. That totally ruined our 10 year anniversary.
A husband and wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th anniversary. The husband yells, "When you die, I'm getting a headstone that reads: 'Here lies my wife, cold as ever'." "Yeah," she replies, "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone reading: 'Here lies my husband, stiff at last."
-Sacha Guitry
I took my (now ex) wife to dinner to "celebrate" yet another anniversary. After drinking quite a bit I raised my glass and said:
"I love you and I can't imagine life without you"
She asked "Is that you or the wine talking?" and I told her
"That's me talking to the wine"
they are sitting on a bench side by side and Ma says: "I'm getting tired, are you?" And Pa replies: "That's okay, honey, I'm getting tired of you too."
You can explore anniversary wife reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean anniversary gift dad jokes. There are also anniversary puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
Forget it once.
A husband and wife are celebrating their 10th anniversary. The husband surprises her and takes her on a vacation to a tropical island, far away. Getting excited the wife says, "If this is for our 10th anniversary then what are you planning for our 25th?" The husband says back, "I'll send over a jet to pick you up."
Unfortunately, it was from Fendi, for a pair of shoes.
She said, "I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 200 in 3 seconds."
I bought her a bathroom scale.
Yes, I forgot our anniversary again.
I was at a job interview and the boss asked me where I saw myself in 5 years and I said celebrating the 5 year anniversary of you asking me this question.
R.I.P Mitch Hedberg
...can we still call it bison-tennial?
Nothing. It's a gift she will always remember.
flying to Hawaii on their 50th marriage anniversary.
She asks them how it feels to be married for so long.
The old man replies: "It all felt like 5 minutes..."
The air hostess was about to reply on the profoundness of what he said, when he earned a slap from the old lady for his next word:
"...underwater".
--Taken from All in a day's work; Reader's digest
Totally ruined our tenth anniversary.
...totally ruined our 10th anniversary.
It totally ruined our 10 year anniversary meal.
A husband was in big trouble when he forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife told him "Tomorrow there better be something in the driveway for me that goes zero to 200 in 2 seconds flat."
The next morning the wife found a small package in the driveway. She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.
Funeral arrangements for the husband have been set for Saturday.
Because she's 18 and I'm 30, but I'll be damned if I let them ruin our seven year anniversary.
Totally ruined our 10th anniversary.
He told me they'd been together so long, they were on their second bottle of tabasco.
Totally ruined our 10th anniversary.
It was part of the deal
An abstinent blonde and her boyfriend are about to celebrate their one year anniversary. She wants to do something special for him that night, and decides that she wants to go down on him, but alas has no experience. She asks her friend for advice, who then hands her a banana and says "Here, practice with this."
Sure enough, the blonde girls peels the banana and goes to town on it like a deepthroat professional. Her friend says "See, you're doing great! Don't change a thing!"
The next day the blonde's friend calls her up, eager to hear how everything went. "How did everything go?" She asks.
The blonde says "Pretty great. Didn't know there would be that much screaming and blood though."
"Blood?" Her friend asks, "Where did the blood come from?"
"The peeling."
For their 50th wedding anniversary a 70 year old man buys his wife a see through night gown
The next day he goes back to the store and returns it
Cashier: I'm sorry you were unsatisfied with our product. May I ask what was wrong with it?
70 Year Old Man: It was all wrinkled
I got her a bathroom scale.
...and for our 26th I plan to go back and get her.
completely ruined our 10th anniversary
His wife was mad. She said "Tomorrow morning there better be a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in under 6 seconds!" The next morning there was a box, gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway. She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale. Bob's been missing since Friday.
They completely ruined our 10th anniversary.
Need Another Seven Astronauts
It completely ruined our ten year anniversary dinner.
He figured this way he would only have to celebrate his wedding anniversary once every four years.
Completely ruined our 10-year anniversary.
We just had our anniversary dinner last week.
the Cincinnati Zoo should have special deals all day. Discounts for Harambe.
Bob forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was mad. She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE!!!" The next morning when his wife woke up, she looked out the window to find a box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway. She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale. Bob has been missing since Friday!
It's completely ruined our 10 year anniversary
and her husband Jonathan.
Went back and got her.
I know it wasn't a great gift, but I loved seeing her face light up when she opened it.
She will love this pack of playing cards.
His wife was really angry.
She told him, Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE!
The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.
Confused, the wife put on her robe, ran out to the driveway and brought the box back in the house.
She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.
Bob has been missing since Friday
but every time we have sex I put $1 in an envelope. I save that money, and plan on getting her something special for our anniversary.
So far she's getting a McChicken
we mutually decided to each select that one person who we'd most like to have sex with and, if by some miracle, it happened, the other wouldn't get angry. She picked Brad Pitt and I went with Uma Thurman (Uma!!). For our 20th anniversary, I thought it would be fun to change things up and she agreed. So, she picked George Clooney and I chose the next door neighbor.
Locals were shouting "pehopile" and other names at me,just because my girlfriend is 21 and I'm 50.
It completely spoiled our 10th anniversary.
That really ruined our 10 year anniversary.
That way I'll never forget my anniversary
Husband: *Gets her nothing instead*
I replied, "Sounds good to me! What're you going to tell your wife though!?"
Tonight we'll have a romantic dinner celebrating our 5th year anniversary
I bought her a scale. We're still not speaking.
But of course no one remembered.
My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.
She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 100 in about 3 seconds.'
I bought her a weighing scale.
And then the fight started....
My girlfriend is in a band, and for our anniversary I bought her a new drum kit.
It was a cymbal of my love.
I hope this is an original joke.
Let me start by saying my girlfriend is 20 years younger than me. I am 39 and my girlfriend is 19, the amount of abuse I got from a group of teenagers inside the restaurant was nothing short of vile.....comments like PEADO NONCE KIDDY FIDDLER
It totally ruined our 10 year anniversary.
I was having dinner with my girlfriend, and she called me a peedo. Sure, she's 18 and I'm 31, but that's not a big age gap right? Totally ruined our 10 year anniversary...
His wife was irate. She told him, "Tomorrow morning, I expect to see a gift in the driveway that goes 0-100 in two seconds.. AND IT BETTER BE THERE"
The next morning when she woke up, she looked out the window to find a box gift wrapped in the middle of the driveway. She opened it, and found a brand new pair of bathroom scales.
My wife and I just had our 10th anniversary. We had some friends over to celebrate with and they asked us to talk about how we met. On our first 8 dates we just went out to different restaurants, but the next time we got tickets to see the premiere of The Dark Knight.
So I guess we could summarize our dating history as dinner, dinner, dinner, dinner, dinner, dinner, dinner, dinner, BATMAN!
I wrote that she can have great sex anyway she wants it.
She jumped up kissed me on the forehead and said she'll be back in a couple of hours.
..and clicked 'add to cart'
They went out to dinner and kept getting harassed by the locals.
They we're shouting 'Peado' and 'Cradle snatcher' and all sorts of horrible names.
It completely ruined their 10 year anniversary.
Wife: what do you plan to give me on our silver wedding anniversary?
Husband: Surprise! I'm taking you to Europe!
Wife: Wow! How are you going to top that on our golden anniversary?
Husband: Well, I suppose I'll pick you up!
husband: sure , why not
wife: can you give it to me like a surprise when i'm at work, i want everyone to know.
husband: sure
wife: on Friday morning we have a huge meeting and everyone at work will be there. i think that would be a good time .
husband: sure. keep your phone in full volume
I know he is in a better place. He is following my every step, watching my every move and listening to my every word. Congratulations dad for you 10 year work anniversary at Google.
It completely ruined their 10 year anniversary.
Whenever I ask her if she likes it, she just dances around the subject.
Now I'll never hear the end of it.
Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really angry.
She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE!!"
The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.
Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway and brought the box back in the house.
She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.
Bob has been missing since Friday.
Because, there's no present , like the time.
*Two old friends were talking*
"When I and my wife made 25 years of marriage I took her on a trip to Japan"
"Really? And what are you going to do to celebrate your 50 years wedding anniversary?"
"I'm bringing her back"
I bought her a scale.
All buildings matter.
I said "Its a scarf"...
Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really angry. She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE!" The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway. Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought the box back in the house. She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale. Bob has been missing since Friday.
It's me. I'm the joke
Dozens
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