Anniversary Jokes
149 anniversary jokes and hilarious anniversary puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about anniversary that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
If you're looking for a good laugh, check out our collection of anniversary jokes. From funny one-liners to hilarious stories, we've got something for everyone.
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Funniest Anniversary Short Jokes
Short anniversary jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The anniversary humour may include short birthday celebration jokes also.
- My wife asked for something shiny that goes from 0 - 200 in five seconds or less for our anniversary... I bought her a scale. We're still not speaking.
- I bought my wife a fridge as an anniversary present. I can't wait to see her face light up when she opens it.
- Husband: "I'm getting you diamonds for our anniversary" - Wife: "Nothing would please me more" Husband: *Gets her nothing instead*
- My wife was giving a speech at her parents' wedding anniversary, and my phone battery ran out in the middle of recording it. Now I'll never hear the end of it.
- For our 25th anniversary, I took my wife to Hawaii... ...and for our 26th I plan to go back and get her.
- On the anniversary of Harambe's death... the Cincinnati Zoo should have special deals all day. Discounts for Harambe.
- I bought my wife a stripper pole for our anniversary and installed it in our bedroom. Whenever I ask her if she likes it, she just dances around the subject.
- My girlfriend is in a band My girlfriend is in a band, and for our anniversary I bought her a new drum kit.
It was a cymbal of my love.
I hope this is an original joke. - My grandpa was telling me about how his and my grandma's anniversary was coming up. He told me they'd been together so long, they were on their second bottle of tabasco.
- I asked my wife what she wants for our anniversary, she said a divorce. I said, I wasn't planning on spending that much.
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Anniversary One Liners
Which anniversary one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with anniversary? I can suggest the ones about honeymoon and celebration.
- Wife: "You always get the worst anniversary gifts." Husband: "You didn't say over. Over."
- How do you remember your wedding anniversary? Forget it once.
- Happy anniversary to the love of my life.. and her husband Jonathan.
- I want to get married on September 11th... That way I'll never forget my anniversary
- What does NASA stand for Need Another Seven Astronauts
- Bought my wife a clock for our anniversary Because, there's no present , like the time.
- I took out the trash the other night... She always insists we go out for our anniversary.
- How many people does it take to celebrate an anniversary in Reddit? Dozens
- As we observe the anniversary of 9/11 today, remember... All buildings matter.
- How do lesbian couples celebrate their anniversary? By eating out.
- Do you know what the gift theme is for the 27th anniversary of being married? Concrete.
- I took my wife to China for our 10th anniversary. I'm picking her up on our 20th
- A moment of silence in Europe because they think today is the anniversary of 9/11
- Today marks the 80th anniversary of the Hindenburg disaster. Next up: Led Zeppelin.
- What did Marie Antoinette say on my Reddit anniversary? Let them eat cake day!
Wedding Anniversary Jokes
Here is a list of funny wedding anniversary jokes and even better wedding anniversary puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- It was mine and my wife's 25th wedding anniversary the other day and she said to me "Did you know i wore this on our first date and it still fits me"... I said "Its a scarf"...
- It's Trump's wedding anniversary in a few days and in a rare tender moment, he described the first time he ever laid eyes on Melania... ..and clicked 'add to cart'
- My co-worker is getting married today, 2/29/2016. He figured this way he would only have to celebrate his wedding anniversary once every four years.
- Save money instantly by turning your sofa into a sofa bed simply by forgetting your wedding anniversary.
- Today is my parents 44th wedding anniversary! And all I can think it is… Why did they get married so many times?
- I set my alarm clock password to me and my wife's wedding anniversary Needless to say, I haven't slept in weeks.
- An old friend recently had his 62nd wedding anniversary... He told me it didn't last long enough. "Only 60 seconds", he said.
- My wife and I just celebrated our 30th Wedding Anniversary My wife says it's the best 10 years of her life...
- I just celebrated my 20th wedding anniversary today... Does this mean I'm eligible for parole now??
- Today my wife and I marked our twenty year wedding anniversary. If I would have killed her I would be out of jail by now.
10th Anniversary Jokes
Here is a list of funny 10th anniversary jokes and even better 10th anniversary puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I'm 40 and my girlfriend is 20. We were at a bar tonight and people kept giving us dirty looks. Totally ruined our 10th anniversary.
- I'm 31 and my girlfriend is 19. People make bad comments about it all the time and this is crazy Btw we are celebrating our 10th anniversary next week
- For our 10th wedding anniversary, my wife wanted me to surprise her. But when i introduced her to my mistress, she got very angry.
There really is no pleasing some people. - At an awards function I asked a guest to give a shoutout to my magazine on its 10th anniversary. He looked at the camera, shouted out my magazine's name really loudly & walked away.
- President Bush's speech on the 10th Anniversary of Katrina Brownie did a heck of a job!
Anniversary Gift Jokes
Here is a list of funny anniversary gift jokes and even better anniversary gift puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- A man gifted his wife a diamond necklace for their anniversary and then his wife didn't speak to him for 6 months. It was part of the deal
- What is the best gift you can give your girlfriend for your anniversary? Nothing. It's a gift she will always remember.
- I got my wife a nice collection of themed gifts for our anniversary I just need to figure out how to present them
- Diamonds Could you gift me couple of diamonds, for our anniversary, girlfriend asked.
I gifted her a pack of playing cards.
50th Anniversary Jokes
Here is a list of funny 50th anniversary jokes and even better 50th anniversary puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Wife: Honey, what will you give me for our 25th anniversary? Husband: A trip to Paris. Wife: Wow! That's wonderful! How about for our 50th? I'll pick you back up.
- What did the Cookie Monster get on the 50th anniversary of the Muppets? diabetes.
Comical Anniversary Jokes to Spread Joy and Laughter
What funny jokes about anniversary you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean wedding jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make anniversary pranks.
A couple celebrating their 50th anniversary had many well wishers stop by to congratulate them.
After all of their guest had left, the two settled into recliners.
“Mother,” the man said, “our marriage is tried and true.”
“What’s that you say?” she asked. “You know I can’t hear without my hearing aid.”
“I said, our marriage is tried and true,” he repated, a little louder.
What's the best way to get a man to remember your anniversary? Get married on his birthday.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Folks in my hometown are so judgmental!
I(40) tried to take my wife(19) out for a nice dinner and everyone kept staring and calling me a p**...! It completely ruined our 10 year anniversary!
I have known my girlfriend, Edith, for three years now and today I finally bought her a gold ring for our anniversary.
Edith: wow thank you, that is my first gold!
wife: "is this really your idea of an anniversary present?"
me: \[on the other walkie talkie\] "you didn't say over, over"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
So i bought my girlfriend some new s**... l**... for our anniversary. She said, 'I think this is more a gift for you than it is for me'
I said, "Well, if you want to get technical, it was a gift for my last girlfriend"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I went to a party with my girlfriend.
I got quite upset because everyone called me a p**... because I was thirty and she was twenty. So finally,I said "That's it baby, we're leaving. I'm not going to let them ruin our tenth anniversary."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Larry was not a good gift giver.
Every time he gave his wife a gift for Christmas, her birthday, or their anniversary, she complained about what a sucky gift it was. She was starting to get angry.
"Larry, the next time you give me a bad gift, I will light it on fire!"
A week later was Larry's wife's birthday. She came down to see only one small box. She sighed and went to go get a lighter. She opened up the present. It was a candle.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man was asked for his secret to a long lasting marriage...
**"Well, i took my wife to Italy on our honeymoon."** *"so what are you guys doing for your 20th wedding anniversary?"*
**"Im going back to get her."**
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Happy Anniversary!
Husband- Happy Anniversary honey!
Husband- I was just remembering how happy we were 30 yrs ago.
Wife- You idiot, we did not know each other 30 years ago.
Husband- That's why we were so happy!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A husband and wife celebrate their 30th anniversary
That night, the wife comes out of the bathroom n**... and starts playing with her n**....
"What did you think the first time you saw these 30 years ago?"
"I wanna to s**... them dry," he says.
She crawls onto the bed, "What did you think when you saw all this 30 years ago?"
"I wanted to screw your brains out, baby," he says with a smile.
She giggles, teasingly, "What are you thinking now?"
"I think I did a pretty good job at both."
Husband and Wife 40th Anniversary
A husband and wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th anniversary. The husband yells, "When you die, I'm getting a headstone that reads: 'Here lies my wife, cold as ever'." "Yeah," she replies, "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone reading: 'Here lies my husband, stiff at last."
-Sacha Guitry
Dinner with my wife
I took my (now ex) wife to dinner to "celebrate" yet another anniversary. After drinking quite a bit I raised my glass and said:
"I love you and I can't imagine life without you"
She asked "Is that you or the wine talking?" and I told her
"That's me talking to the wine"
Reason for longevity - Ma and Pa are celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary.......
they are sitting on a bench side by side and Ma says: "I'm getting tired, are you?" And Pa replies: "That's okay, honey, I'm getting tired of you too."
A husband and wife...
A husband and wife are celebrating their 10th anniversary. The husband surprises her and takes her on a vacation to a tropical island, far away. Getting excited the wife says, "If this is for our 10th anniversary then what are you planning for our 25th?" The husband says back, "I'll send over a jet to pick you up."
I collect coins and old paper money. For our anniversary, my wife surprised me with a $1,000 bill!
Unfortunately, it was from Fendi, for a pair of shoes.
Winds of 108mph, structural damage, flying debris, massive depression, icy blasts, communication difficulties, untold misery and suffering...
Yes, I forgot our anniversary again.
I was at a job interview...
I was at a job interview and the boss asked me where I saw myself in 5 years and I said celebrating the 5 year anniversary of you asking me this question.
R.I.P Mitch Hedberg
Even though we're nearing the 100th year anniversary of Buffalo Bill's death...
...can we still call it bison-tennial?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Choices and Consequences
A man and his wife are having dinner for their tenth wedding anniversary. Suddenly the man bursts into tears.
"What's wrong?" the wife asks.
"I was just thinking," the man says, "about when I asked you to marry me. Your father came to me and said 'I know about all that money you embezzled from work. If you don't marry that ugly daughter of mine, I'm turning you in." The man cries harder as he says "And if I'd turned him down I'd be a free man now!"
A husband and wife, both 86 years old, get interviewed by the local paper
for the occasion of their 60th wedding anniversary. The journalist asks the woman what she hopes their future might hold, and she says
"Oh, I'd like for us to live to 100 together."
The journalist asks the man, who says
"I hope to live to 101."
"Why's that?" asks the journalist.
"All I want is to have one year of peace and quiet."
The air hostess comes to know that the old married couple is...
flying to Hawaii on their 50th marriage anniversary.
She asks them how it feels to be married for so long.
The old man replies: "It all felt like 5 minutes..."
The air hostess was about to reply on the profoundness of what he said, when he earned a slap from the old lady for his next word:
"...underwater".
--Taken from All in a day's work; Reader's digest
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
So I went to the bar with my wife and...
people were calling me "freak" and "p**..." because I'm 29 and she's 18.
Really ruined our 10th anniversary.
My girlfriend and I went out to a restaurant last night, and some of the other diners started calling me a 'paedo' and a 'cradle snatcher.' All because I'm a 52 year old man with a 21 year old girlfriend.
It totally ruined our 10 year anniversary meal.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My Friends Call Me A p**...
Because she's 18 and I'm 30, but I'll be d**... if I let them ruin our seven year anniversary.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An abstinent blonde and her boyfriend...
An abstinent blonde and her boyfriend are about to celebrate their one year anniversary. She wants to do something special for him that night, and decides that she wants to go down on him, but alas has no experience. She asks her friend for advice, who then hands her a banana and says "Here, practice with this."
Sure enough, the blonde girls peels the banana and goes to town on it like a d**... professional. Her friend says "See, you're doing great! Don't change a thing!"
The next day the blonde's friend calls her up, eager to hear how everything went. "How did everything go?" She asks.
The blonde says "Pretty great. Didn't know there would be that much screaming and blood though."
"Blood?" Her friend asks, "Where did the blood come from?"
"The peeling."
A man grows tired of his relationship with his wife
On their 25th anniversary, the man planned a vacation trip.
Man: Let's go on a vacation, just the two of us.
Wife: (gets exited) Really? Where are we going?
Man: How about an adventure in the jungles of Africa?
Wife: That would be really nice! What about on our 50th?
Man: I'll come back for you.
A 70 year old man buys his wife a present
For their 50th wedding anniversary a 70 year old man buys his wife a see through night gown
The next day he goes back to the store and returns it
Cashier: I'm sorry you were unsatisfied with our product. May I ask what was wrong with it?
70 Year Old Man: It was all wrinkled
For our 25 year anniversary, my wife asked me for a present that goes from 0-200 in seconds.
I got her a bathroom scale.
My wife says I never take out the trash. I disagree.
We just had our anniversary dinner last week.
So I'm 30 and Charlotte is 21. Went out last night and we kept getting funny looks like I was some sort of peadophile. Does anyone else think that age is just a number?
It's completely ruined our 10 year anniversary
Bob had forgotten his wedding anniversary and was in trouble.
His wife was really angry.
She told him, Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE!
The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.
Confused, the wife put on her robe, ran out to the driveway and brought the box back in the house.
She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.
Bob has been missing since Friday
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
When my wife and I got married,
we mutually decided to each select that one person who we'd most like to have s**... with and, if by some miracle, it happened, the other wouldn't get angry. She picked Brad Pitt and I went with Uma Thurman (Uma!!). For our 20th anniversary, I thought it would be fun to change things up and she agreed. So, she picked George Clooney and I chose the next door neighbor.
My girlfriend dumped me 5 days before our one year anniversary
I guess you could say we made it full circle
I asked my wife what she wants for our anniversary…
Where the heck am I supposed to get the last 10 years of her life back?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
last weekend was my grandparents 50th wedding anniversary
So we threw them a g**....
My buddy said, "It's me and my wife's tenth wedding anniversary next weekend, so I thought we could go somewhere really nice together."
I replied, "Sounds good to me! What're you going to tell your wife though!?"
My wife left me because she believes I live in constant denial
Tonight we'll have a romantic dinner celebrating our 5th year anniversary
December 19 was the 102nd anniversary of the death of Alois Alzheimer.
But of course no one remembered.
Why do couples fight?
My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.
She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 100 in about 3 seconds.'
I bought her a weighing scale.
And then the fight started....
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I am disgusted by the youth of today....
Let me start by saying my girlfriend is 20 years younger than me. I am 39 and my girlfriend is 19, the amount of a**... I got from a group of teenagers inside the restaurant was nothing short of vile.....comments like PEADO NONCE KIDDY FIDDLER
It totally ruined our 10 year anniversary.
My girlfriend called me a peedo
I was having dinner with my girlfriend, and she called me a peedo. Sure, she's 18 and I'm 31, but that's not a big age gap right? Totally ruined our 10 year anniversary...
A husband and wife decide to relive their first date on their 10th anniversary.
They come to the fence that they first made love up against. The man looks at his wife "For old time's sake?" She nods and they begin to make love.
He pushes her up against the fence and says "You're even tighter than when we first started to date!"
She replies "The fence wasn't electric 10 years ago."
Reminiscing on our anniversary
My wife and I just had our 10th anniversary. We had some friends over to celebrate with and they asked us to talk about how we met. On our first 8 dates we just went out to different restaurants, but the next time we got tickets to see the premiere of The Dark Knight.
So I guess we could summarize our dating history as dinner, dinner, dinner, dinner, dinner, dinner, dinner, dinner, BATMAN!
A couple celebrated their 25th wedding anniversary.
When they were asked what their secret was to a long lasting marriage they said:
"We take the time to go out to a restaurant two times a week. A candlelight dinner, soft music and a slow walk home. She goes on Tuesdays, and I go on Fridays."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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I tried to be romantic and gave my wife a certificate for our anniversary
I wrote that she can have great s**... anyway she wants it.
She jumped up kissed me on the forehead and said she'll be back in a couple of hours.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My 33 year old friend is dating a 19 year old.
They went out to dinner and kept getting harassed by the locals.
They we're shouting 'Peado' and 'Cradle snatcher' and all sorts of horrible names.
It completely ruined their 10 year anniversary.
I never tell my blind wife what I'm planning for our anniversary.
She's used to being left in the dark.
wife: can you to give me a ring for our wedding anniversary
husband: sure , why not
wife: can you give it to me like a surprise when i'm at work, i want everyone to know.
husband: sure
wife: on Friday morning we have a huge meeting and everyone at work will be there. i think that would be a good time .
husband: sure. keep your phone in full volume
Today is my dad's anniversary
I know he is in a better place. He is following my every step, watching my every move and listening to my every word. Congratulations dad for you 10 year work anniversary at Google.
My 35 year old friend and his 22 year old girlfriend had their meal out completely ruined by strangers judging them for their age gap.
It completely ruined their 10 year anniversary.
Yesterday was my Irish Uncle second anniversary being sober.
Yeah he's been in a coma for 2 years.
My wife said she wanted new kitchen appliances or some new bath bombs for our anniversary.
I compromised and bought her a toaster.
Due to covid-19, I am not able to have a wonderful wagyu steak dinner at a restaurant for my anniversary
Usually it's due to the lack of money.
Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary
Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really angry.
She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE!!"
The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.
Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway and brought the box back in the house.
She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.
Bob has been missing since Friday.
Wedding Anniversary
*Two old friends were talking*
"When I and my wife made 25 years of marriage I took her on a trip to Japan"
"Really? And what are you going to do to celebrate your 50 years wedding anniversary?"
"I'm bringing her back"
Bob was in trouble...
Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really angry. She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE!" The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway. Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought the box back in the house. She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale. Bob has been missing since Friday.
I actually just realized that cake day is your reddit anniversary and not your birthday because of a notification I just got
It's me. I'm the joke
