I've been to Amsterdam... There are signs pointing to her house everywhere.
Frantic, she asks her mom what's going on.
Her mother replies, "Don't worry sweetie, the part where the hair grows is called the Monkey. Be proud that your Monkey is growing hair."
The girl sighs in relief, and later at the dinner table she smiled and told her older sister Beth, "I've got hair growing on my Monkey."
The sister laughs and replies back, "That's nothing, mine is already eating bananas."
Anne Hathaway
It could have been a real game changer.
Two years rent free.
She had her diary published for all the world to read, which is every girl's worst nightmare!
And she didn't get paid for it, which is every Jew's worst nightmare.
Sisters Anne, Mary, and Teresa are driving across the country when they are in a car crash and all die tragically.
In heaven, the three of them are standing in front of the pearly gates and St. Peter is standing before them. He says to them, "Sisters, I understand that you are all women of faith, and I would be more than happy to let you into heaven without hesitation, but as it is the rules, I must ask you each one question that you must answer correctly before I can let you enter"
The nuns all agree and Sister Anne steps forward first.
"Sister Anne, what was the name of the first man?"
She barely misses a beat before announcing happily "Adam!"
*Gong!*
The gates open and she enters.
Sister Mary then steps forward and St. Peter asks her, "Sister Mary, what is the name of the first woman?"
"Eve!"
*Gong!*
The gates open and Sister Mary enters heaven.
St. Peter then addresses Sister Teresa, "Teresa, what is the first thing that Eve said when she saw Adam?"
Sister Teresa thinks for a minute... two minutes... three minutes.. then mutters to herself "That's a hard one..."
*Gong!*
and tells the local priest, "Father, forgive me, for I have slept with a loose woman."
The priest thinks for a moment and says, "Well, son, was it Mary?"
"No Father."
"Hmm," the priest continues, "was it Fiona?"
"No, no father," the man replies.
"And was it Anne?"
"No, father."
After a pause, the priest says, "Give me one our fathers and two hail marys, and all will be forgiven."
The man exits the confessional and slides in next to his friend on a pew.
"So," the friend asks, "what'd the father give you?"
"Well, I got one our fathers, two hail marys, and three good leads."
**source**: Prairie Home Companion
First she gets her diary published, which is every girl's worst nightmare, but on top of that she doesn't get any money from it, which is every Jew's worst nightmare.
anne frankly, I think they're tasteless.
Anne Frank's drumset
Dave and his wife, Anne, were driving home one very cold night in Wisconsin, when Anne yells at him to stop the car. Anne jumps out and picks up a little bundle that was laying in the road. She brings it back to the car and it turns out it was a baby skunk. It was barely alive, but very cold.
Anne says, "It's nearly frozen to death. Can we take it with us, get it warm, and let it go in the morning?"
Dave says, "Okay, get in the car with it."
"Where shall I put it to keep it warm?
"Put it between your legs. It ought to be nice and warm there."
Anne says, "But what about the smell?"
"Just hold his little nose."
That the scene where the Nazis entered the stage and said "where is she" the audience shouted "she's in the attic".
Because the Holo-cost a lot of money. Anne Frankly, it wasn't worth it.
I'm sorry. That joke was really out of mein kampfort zone.
Anne Frankly, it was just bad.
out of Mein Kamf-ort zone, Anne Frank-ly I find them offensive.
The Diarrhea of Anne Frank
We pray you Saint Anne...
The devil appears: Oh, it's you guys again. For Pete's sake stop calling me if you don't mean it and at least pronounce my name right.
(Made this up myself, still giggling...)
Amble in
(Anne Boyeyn)
I made this joke up and am very proud of it :)
She kept sitting on Pinocchio's face and screaming "Lie to me! Lie to me!!!"
A Dutch Oven
Anne Frank's
Anne Frankly They're childish and offensive
Anne Frank's diarrhea.
While pointing a gun and taking their valuables, he asked the them:
Mugger: What's your name?
Woman: My name is Donna.
Mugger: You have a name like my mother. I will not kill you then. And you? (Asking the other)
Man: My name is Dave, but my friends call me Anne.
And call it Anne Franks...
All the children inn school were asked to write on the chalkboard something significant that happened over the summer.
Anne gets up and writes the word puppies on the board, and says our dog had puppies this summer. Very nice says the teacher. George gets up and writes promotion on the board, acc says my dad got a promotion. Excellent! Very significant goes the teacher. Little Johnny gets up and puts a dot on the board. The treachery looks at out and says Johnny what's that dot why is it significant? He good it's not a dot, it's a period, I'm not sure why it's significant but my sister missed hers and my dad shot our neighbor and went to jail!
Anne Frankly, I'm surprised they didn't do it already. I hope they step on the gas and burn the place down.
Mr Frank - "Shhhh Quiet everybody ... the Germans are coming".
Anne Frank - "I am too"
He chipped away and mined the ore while she maintained the camp and washed and organized anything he found.
They had a system where any time she found something special, she would light a special red lantern to let him know.
She wasn't very good at identifying gold though, and often misinterpreted the shine from mica or quartz as the gleam of a gold nugget.
After the third time in a day that she lit up the red lantern to falsely notify him of a newly found nugget, he grew angry and yelled at her.
"God dammit! They're rocks, Anne. You don't have to put on the red light!"
They're going to be serving Sausages, Brats, Anne Franks.
The devil appears: Whazzzzup homie, why you pronounce my name so funny?
Anne Frank
Anne Atomy
...I pray you Saint Anne...
Suddenly the devil appears: Oh, it's you again. For Pete's sake stop calling me if you don't mean it and at least pronounce my name right.
The priest shouts: Go away satan.
St. Anne appears: You want me to leave you? Gees, at least you could pronounce my name right.
The priest takes a piece of paper and writes using the sacramental wine:
I command you Satan, leave my church.
Dyslexic Santa appears:
Stop wasting the good wine! And what the heck you have against me?
(I modified the joke I wrote here earlier, I hope you like it)
The diarrhea of Anne Frank.
On a side note, Mary Anne MacLeod illegally migrated to the US in 1929. A few years later she gave birth to Donald Trump.
So he may have a point.
And there was a round on Literature. The question was "Name the book where the characters all lived behind a wardrobe". Imagine the disgust when I shouted "The diary of Anne Frank"!
I don't know Anne Frankly I don't care.
The Diarrhea of Anne Frank
Brb, door
Anne Frank's drum kit.
Anne Frank's drum set.
Otter space.
[credit goes to Anne Carson, or wherever she heard it]
It's called *"The Diarrhea of Anne Frank."*
The diarrhea of Anne Frank
So how does getting Anne Frank a drum set for her birthday stack up?
In his little niece Anne.
They're usually unoriginal, Anne Frankly, I don't find them funny.
...I really do not find it very funny, Anne Frankly you shouldn't either!
Anne Frank's drumkit
Anne Frankly, none of them are even that good.
Anne Tenna
"Anne hath a way."
Anne Frank's Diary
They stuck a plunger in the toilet.
Why didn't Anne Frank have any kids?
The plunger went all the way through.
...she fainted.
The Daiquiri of Anne Frank.
Anne Franks
I saw her on the street on day and, on random impulse, i punch her in the face and steal her shoes. A passerby sees this and with a shocked expression asks why i did that. I have to explain to him that i have Anne-Geri's Shoes.
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