Animal Zoo Jokes
103 animal zoo jokes and hilarious animal zoo puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about animal zoo that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Animal Zoo Short Jokes
Short animal zoo jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The animal zoo humour may include short zoo exhibit jokes also.
- I lost my job at the zoo recently. There was a sign that said do not feed the animals. So I didn't.
- I got fired form the zoo. Apparently the sign "Don't feed the animals" was only meant for the visitors.
- What's the difference between a zoo in Louisiana and a zoo anywhere else? In louisiana, next to the plaque with the animal's name, they've got a good recipe.
- What's the difference between a Yankee zoo and a Southern zoo? The Yankee zoo will have the name of the animal and its Latin name. The Southern zoo will have the name of the animal and a recipe.
- What do elephants in the zoo get for lunch? Half an hour, just like the rest of the animals.
- A visit to the zoo. Mother: Did you enjoy your visit to the zoo with Daddy today?
6-year-old: Yes and so did Daddy. Especially when one of the animals came in at 20-1. - I took my family to the zoo today… When we got there the only animal there was a dog…
It was a Shih Tzu - What's the difference between an American zoo and a Chinese zoo? An American zoo will only have a description of the animal. The Chinese zoo has the price and recipe of the animal.
- I went to the zoo today, but it only had one animal! It was a Shitzu
... I'll see myself out
- Did you hear about the animals protesting their zoo that didn't include any Australian animals? They were fighting for e-koala-ty.
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Animal Zoo One Liners
Which animal zoo one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with animal zoo? I can suggest the ones about petting zoo and zoo keeper.
- Happy Greek Easter! Which Greek God loved to collect animals? Zoos
- What kind of zoo has no animals except for a small, yappy dog? A shih tzu
- The pound is way more fun than the zoo They change out the animals every week!
- when to the zoo yesterday It has only one animal, a dog
It was a shih tsu - What did the animal say when it was told to leave the zoo? Fine! Alpaca my bags.
- Who is the jazziest zoo animal? Ella Phantzgerald
- I went to the zoo to see the animals. They were singing We Gotta Get Outta This Place .
- Why are circus animals so much more exciting than zoo animals? Becuase they are in tents.
- Name a scam A zoo charges us to see animals that they stole.
- I went to the zoo and the animals were loose It was off the chain
- A guy goes to the zoo, but there was only one animal... It was a shiatsu.
- Went there a zoo that only had one animal, a single dog.
- What is a two-piece bath suit with wild animals motive? Zoo-Chini
- Why didn't the lion cross the road? Because It was in a zoo that caged its animals.
- Girl, we can play zoo..and you can tame my monkey
Animal Zoo Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about animal zoo you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean zookeeper jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make animal zoo pranks.
A boy with a monkey on his shoulder was walking down the road when he passed a policeman who said, "Now, now young lad, I think you had better take that monkey the zoo." The next day, the boy was walking down the road with the monkey on his shoulder again, when he passed the same policeman. The policeman said, "Hey there, I thought I told you to take that money to the zoo!" The boy answered, "I did! Today I'm taking him to the cinema."
A man was driving and saw a truck stalled on the side of the highway that had ten penguins standing next to it. The man pulled over and asked the truck driver if he needed any help. The truck driver replied, "If you can take these penguins to the zoo while I wait for AAA that will be great!" The man agreed and the penguins hopped into the back of his car. Two hours later, the trucker was back on the road again and decided to check on the penguins. He showed up at the zoo and they weren't there! He headed back into his truck and started driving around the town, looking for any sign of the penguins, the man, or his car. While driving past a movie theater, the truck driver spotted the guy walking out with the ten penguins. The truck driver yelled, "What are you doing? You were supposed to take them to the zoo!" The man replied, "I did and then I had some extra money so I took them to go see a movie."
Bad Zoo
1. When no one else is looking, you swear that the monkeys are mocking you.
2. The Bears exhibit is nothing more than the guys cut from the football team during training camp.
3. The stripes on the zebra tend to peel away in the heat.
4. The Zookeeper always wants to take the Rhino for a walk.
5. The Lion in the lion cage closely resembles the one from The Lion King.
6. The alligator in the Reptiles exhibit is nothing more than the University of Florida's Mascot.
7. If you deposit 50 cents, the giraffe will magically appear and talk to you.
8. Ask the Tour Guide too many questions and you're suddenly dipped in some sort of sauce and placed in the Tigers den.
9. The Elephant appear to be two guys in a two part Elephant suit.
10. Two words: Hippo Dogs!
I took my 7 year old son to the zoo today.
We were walking around and soon he said, “Look Dad! It's a frickin' Elephant!”
I was shocked and slightly angry, as everybody was looking at us.
“What did you just call it?” I asked.
“It's a frickin' Elephant, it says so on the picture!” he said, and so it did, A F R I C A N Elephant.
A mother and baby camel are talking one day when the baby camel asks, "Mom why have I got these huge three-toed feet?"
The mother replies, "Well son, when we trek across the desert your toes will help you to stay on top of the soft sand."
"Okay," said the son. A few minutes later the son asks, "Mom, why have I got these great long eyelashes?"
"They are there to keep the sand out of your eyes on the trips through the desert," "Thanks Mom," replies the son.
After a short while, the son returns and asks, "Mom, why have I got these great big humps on my back?"
The mother, now a little impatient with the boy replies, "They are there to help us store fat for our long treks across the desert, so we can go without water for long periods."
"That's great mom, so we have huge feet to stop us sinking, and long eyelashes to keep the sand from our eyes and these humps to store water, but Mom ..." "Yes son?"
"What good does all that do us here in the San Diego Zoo?"
A honeymooning couple had purchased a talking parrot and taken it to their room, where much to the groom's annoyance, the bird kept up a running commentary on their love making.
Finally the groom threw a large towel over the cage and threatened to give the parrot to the zoo if he didn't quit it.
The next morning, packing to return home, the couple couldn't close a large suitcase.
The groom said, "Darling, you get on top and I'll try." That didn't work.
Figuring they needed more weight on the lid, she said, "Sweetheart, you get on top and I'll try."
Still no success.
So, he said, "Look. Let's both get on top."
At that point the parrot pulled away the towel with his beak and said: "Zoo or no zoo.
I just gotta see this."
A man went to work for a zoo veterinarian.
"Look in the lion's mouth," the vet told him.
"How do I do that?" he asked.
"Carefully," replied the vet.
A guy was walking along the street when he saw a crowd of people running towards him.
He stopped one of the runners and asked, "What’s happening?"
The runner replied breathlessly, "A lion has escaped from the zoo."
"Oh my, which way is it heading?"
"Well you don’t think we are chasing it, do you?"
Two guys meet:
"Where were you lost my friend? says one of them."
"Well, I took my kids to the zoo..."
"And what kind of animals did you see there?"
"The tiger... Huge and Scary! Full of stripes... Slowly walking inside the cage. She was “ahgrrr...”
"Are you kidding me men? The tiger doesn’t go “ahgrrr..” … She “grrrrsss..”!
"Right, ok.. But when you get too close to her face... !"
A police officer sees a man driving around with a pickup truck full of penguins.
He pulls the guy over and says: “You can’t drive around with penguins in this town! Take them to the zoo immediately.”
The guy says OK, and drives away.
The next day, the officer sees the guy still driving around with the truck full of penguins, and they’re all wearing sun glasses.
He pulls the guy over and demands: “I thought I told you to take these penguins to the zoo yesterday?”
The guy replies: “I did . . . today I’m taking them to the beach!”
Don't feed the animals at the zoo! You should better feed the security guard!
An ad at the zoo: ‘Don't scare the ostriches! The floors are concrete!'
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you get when you give away free m**... at a r**... zoo? Iced animal crackers!
Visitor: My favorite part of the zoo is the cage that says 'World's most dangerous animal' and it's just a mirror in it
Zookeeper: Yup, thought-provoking stuff. \*Whispering into phone\* The leopard's escaped again
Zoos are a ripoff
They don't even let you kill the animals
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A fun joke to tell your friends.
This joke is pretty fun to tell, but you need a friend to make it work.
You: A class went on a field trip to the zoo. The teacher stopped by the gorilla cage and said "Can anyone tell me what animal this is?" the r**... kid raised his hand and said "It's a gorilla." Everyone said "Yay for the little r**... kid!" They continue and the teacher stops by the flamingos and asks the same question. The r**... kid raised his hand and said "They're flamingos!" everyone said "Yay for the little r**... kid!" They stopped at another pen with white and striped horses in it. They're white, and they have black stripes... I can't remember what they are. (Act like you really don't know)
Your friend: Zebra.
You: *claps* Yay for the little r**... kid!
The zoo
A man was walking around town when he noticed a billboard advertising the new zoo in town. He'd been hearing all about it, and since he had nothing better to do that day, he decided to check it out. Much to the man's surprise, when he got there, the only animal there was a single dog. It was a Shitzu.
The Penguin Joke
So a police officer is parked by the side of the road. He sees a pickup truck drive by and it's full of penguins. The officer flips his siren on and pulls the truck over.
He approaches the window and asks the man, "Sir, what are you doing with these penguins?"
"Well they're my pets, officer," the man replies.
"I'm afraid you'll have to take these animals to the zoo," the officer says, and leaves.
The next day, the police officer is parked in the same spot. He sees the same truck drive by. Now all the penguins are wearing sunglasses. He flips the siren on and pulls the truck over.
Upon reaching the window he says, "Sir, I told you to take these animals to the zoo."
"Yes officer, I did," replies the man. "And today I'm taking them to the beach."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The Gorilla and the r**...
A small zoo in Georgia obtained a very rare species of gorilla. Within a few weeks the gorilla, a female, became impossible to handle. Upon examination, the veterinarian determined the gorilla was in heat, and her aggressive behavior could only be relieved with s**... interaction with a male counterpart. To make matters worse, there was no male gorilla available.
After considering nearly all possible options, the Zoo Keeper thought of Bobby Lee Walton, a r**... part-time worker responsible for cleaning the animal cages. Bobby Lee, a very strong physical man, had little sense but was always bragging about his h**... tonk women. The Zoo Keeper thought they might have a solution. Bobby Lee was approached with a proposition. Would he be willing to mate with the gorilla for $500.00?
Bobby Lee showed some interest, but said he would have to think the matter over carefully. The following day, he announced that he would accept their offer, but only under four conditions:
"First", Bobby Lee said, "I ain't gonna kiss her on the lips." The Keeper quickly agreed to this condition.
"Second", he said, "you can't never tell no one about this, and I mean no one." The keeper again readily agreed to this condition.
"Third", Bobby Lee said, "In the event that there are offspring, I want all the children raised Southern Baptist." Once again it was agreed.
And last," Bobby Lee said, "I'm gonna need another week to come up with the $500.00."
One of my favorite jokes to this day.
There once was a zoo with only one animal.
It was a Shih Tzu.
A walk to the zoo.
A man walks for four days to visit a zoo.
The only animal in the entire zoo is a dog.
The dog looks like a St. Bernard, but the man is steadfast in his belief that it is, with certainty, a Shih Tzu.
A stranger and two penguins.
A man was walking down the street with two penguins following behind him. A police man sees this, thinks it's a bit strange, pulls over and says to the guy.
Cop 'hey, where did you get those two penguins from'?
Guy 'they aren't mine, they have just been following me all day'.
Cop 'those are exotic animals. Do me a favour take them both up to the zoo'.
The man agrees he will. The next day the cop is driving down the same street and he sees the same guy, still with two penguins following behind him. He pulls over again and says.
Cop 'hey! I thought I told you yesterday to take those two penguins to the zoo'!
Guy 'I did. I'm taking them to the cinema today'.
The zoo inspector and the monkey
Once upon a time, an inspector planned to come to a zoo, as it wasn't doing well and didn't make profit. That became a problem to the managers who didn't want him to find out that they sold the monkey.
So they approached bill, a janitor and a faithful worker there and gave him a monkey suit and told him how to act like a monkey, and it will only last until the inspector leaves.
Came the inspector, the worker was in the cage and started acting like a monkey. The inspector wasn't pleased with the animal and thought that it was sick and old, so he told throw the monkey to the lion and get a new one, and the managers agreed.
Bill lied there still and overwhelmed with shock, because, after all these years working faithfully, they agreed to throw him just like that! He was paralyzed with shock when they threw him in the lion's cage. The lion came slowly and Bill was afraid and lost, when the lion whispered to him : "Don't worry, I'm Joe the cotton candy guy"
A guy finds a crocodile in his backyard...
So he calls up an animal control center and asks, "I found a crocodile in my yard and I managed to get it in my truck...what should I do with it?" So the person from the animal control center says, "Well, your best bet now would be to take it to the zoo." The following day, the animal control center employee figures he would call and check back with the guy to see what happened to the crocodile. He asks, "So, what did you do with the crocodile?" and the guy responds, "Well, I took it to the zoo yesterday like you suggested...and tonight I'm taking it to a movie.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I always thought a shih tzu was...
a zoo without animals.
I went to the zoo the other day...
It was just a really bad zoo overall, just a run down old place. It had only animal too, a dog.
It was a shih tzu.
I hide photos on my computer of me
I hide photos on my computer of me petting animals at the zoo in a file named Fireworks and vacuums so my dog won't find them.
My friend owns a zoo...
My friend owns a zoo but the only animal is a tiny dog...
Its a Shitzu
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Today i learned that dolphins are the only animals other than humans that enjoy s**...!
I'm not sure if it was worth getting banned from all those zoo's to find out though
A woman walking down the city sidewalk with an adult lion is confronted by a police officer
He: "Lady, you must take that animal directly to the zoo!"
She: "I will do that right away, officer."
The next day, the officer is exasperated to see her and the lion walking down the sidewalk again.
He: "I told you to get that animal to the zoo!"
She: "That was yesterday. Today we are going to the beach."
I went to a zoo that only had no animals in it.
I exclaimed, "Doggone!"
I work as a guide at a zoo. What's your favourite animal joke?
I give tours at a zoo. Each tour goes for a couple of hours so it is good to engage the guests and make the tour a bit more fun. What is your favourite animal joke I can use at work?
What is the difference between northern and southern zoos?
Southern zoos have a description of the animals along with a recipe.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How to legalize animal poaching ?
Drop a kid in their zoo enclosure.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I lost my kid at the zoo the other day....
I couldn't find him, so they just shot all the animals.
I believe zoos are prisons.
But I also believe the animals inside are criminals.
a guy goes to the zoo
A guy goes to the zoo, but he can't find any animals. At the end of his trip he sees one dog in the zoo. It's a Shih Tzu.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What's the difference between a monkey flinging p**... at the zoo and someone posting political memes on Facebook?
Answer: One is the sad, desparate attempt of a poor creature with little freedom to get attention from strangers, and the other is just something animals at the zoo do when they're bored.
Why don't zoo animals get depressed?
Because they're all on Zooloft.
Was at a zoo in Shanghai this morning when several animals escaped...
Absolute pandamonium.
I took my niece to the zoo the other day...
The only animal there was a small, scruffy looking dog.
I called the zookeeper over.
"What's with the scruffy old dog? Why is that the only animal?"
"It's a Shih-Tzu"
A man tells his colleague about his day at the zoo.
Colleague: What animals did you see there?
Man: You know, the one with the pocket that can jump really far.
Colleague: A kangaroo?
Man: That's right, a dangerou.
Colleague: Okay... what else did you see?
Man: You know the fluffy one with the big ears?
Colleague: A bunny?
Man: No, it was a dangerou.
Colleague: Okay... Uh, anything else?
Man: Oh yes, the big grey one with the trunk?
Colleague: An elephant?
Man: No, a dangerou.
Colleague: All the animals can't have been "dangerous"?
Man: No, it said on a sign "All animals are dangerous".
I just went to the worst zoo I've ever visited.
The food was overpriced, there was hardly any shade, and to top it all off the only animal in the entire zoo was a dog in a cage. It was a shih-tzu.
Why wouldn't the dad take his kids to see the animals at the park?
He heard it was a zoo there
My dad always said that real men have the heart of a lion.
So today I decided that it was finally time to be a real man. I succeeded but I have to go to court for animal cruelty and I received a life time ban from all zoos.
Sean Connery walks into a zoo in Scotland. The only animal there on exhibit was a dog.
It was a shitzu.
Went to the zoo
Went to the zoo the other day. They only had one animal there. It was a dog.
It was a shih tzu.
Heard this on fallout.
Things are so bad in Venezuela that people are eating zoo animals.
The only restaurant still open is Buffalo Wild Things.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A truck on the way to the zoo was pulled of on suspicion of carrying i**... drugs.
The truck was carrying various animals including a few ducks. The driver was promptly arrested for trasporting large amounts of *quack* across state lines.
A zookeeper wishes to buy some new animals from another wildlife park.
She writes:
Dear sir, We are a recently opened zoo and are looking to purchase 2 mooses. "No that doesn't sound right." She thinks.
We are looking to purchase 2 meese. "No that can't be right either."
Dear sir, I wish to inquire about purchasing a moose. Kind Regards.
P.S. Please send another moose along with the first.
When i go to the zoo and i tell them i wanna look at my favorite animal you know what they do?
Give me a mirror.
I was at the zoo the other day and saw a sign that said, "Do not feed the animals."
Naturally, I obeyed the sign. So they fired me.
My trip to the zoo
I just went to this zoo while on a road trip and it was the worst. It only had 1 animal, a normal house dog.
It was a shitzu
Got sacked from my job as a zoo keeper.
But as I said in my disciplinary
"all the signs say DON'T feed the animals"
The worst zoo I ever visited with my kids had only one animal on display and it was a dog!
It was a Shih Tzu
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
intelligent monkey
A Grandmother buys a bag of peanuts so her Grandson can feed the monkeys at the Zoo. Upon receiving a peanut one monkey inserted the hull rectally, nodded, then extracted and devoured it. The Grandmother informed the Head Zookeeper of the animals' aberrant behavior, saying " That monkey is either profoundly disturbed or extremely s**...". The Zookeeper explained that the animal was neither, saying , " Last week someone fed him a peach and he couldn't pass the pit. Now he measures everything first!".
When Katy Perry has the eye of the tiger it's inspiring and motivational
But when I have it all of a sudden I'm endangering animals and have a lifetime ban from the zoo
A zoo's only gorilla dies...
so the zookeeper hires an actor to wear a gorilla costume until the zoo can get another one.
In the gorilla pen the actor makes faces, beats his chest, swings around, and soon draws a huge crowd. Encouraged, he then crawls atop a beam across the lion's enclosure, taunting the animal below. But, in horror, he lost his grip, falling into the lion's cage.
Terrified, the actor shouts, Help! Help me! Too late. The lion pounces, opens its massive jaws, and whispers urgently, Shut up! Do you want to get us both fired?!
I brought my Arabic friend to the zoo to see Llamas for the first time.
Once we got near them I told him which of the animals was a Llama, and then asked if he thought they looked good.
He turned to me with a confused look on his face and said,
We've been talking for a while, why did you just greet me again?
Equally confused, I replied,
I didn't, I just said That's a Llama, Like 'em?
Physics joke
A physicist and his son go to a petting zoo. They come up on this animal and of course the physicist asks his son what it is. The son says "Daddy thats a rooster!", the physicist shakes his head "Son, its a lambda".
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The animals in the zoo are bored.
The snake says "I know, we can play billiards" The elephant scoffs "How. we don't have a table?" The snake explains they can do tricks, and the other animals judge them as to how many b**... they have sunk. So each animal does their best and the snake is winning, showing off he says to the elephant "Bet i can slither through your guts and out your a**..." With that he shoots up the elephant's trunk. The elephant quickly jams his trunk up his own a**... and says "Ha!.. You're snookered."