Animal Zoo Jokes

A boy with a monkey on his shoulder was walking down the road when he passed a policeman who said, "Now, now young lad, I think you had better take that monkey the zoo." The next day, the boy was walking down the road with the monkey on his shoulder again, when he passed the same policeman. The policeman said, "Hey there, I thought I told you to take that money to the zoo!" The boy answered, "I did! Today I'm taking him to the cinema."

On his first visit to the zoo, a little boy stared at the caged stork for a long time and asked his dad, "Why doesn't the stork recognize me?"

Yo momma's so fat, when she went to the zoo, elephants began throwing peanuts at her.

I took my 7 year old son to the zoo today.
We were walking around and soon he said, “Look Dad! It's a frickin' Elephant!”
I was shocked and slightly angry, as everybody was looking at us.
“What did you just call it?” I asked.
“It's a frickin' Elephant, it says so on the picture!” he said, and so it did, A F R I C A N Elephant.

Little Johnny wanted to go to the zoo and pestered his parents for days.
Finally his mother talked his reluctant father into taking him.
"So how was it?" his mother asked when they returned home.
"Great," Little Johnny replied.
"Did you and daddy have a good time?" asked his mother.
"Yeah, daddy really liked it too," exclaimed Little Johnny, "especially when one of the animals came home at 30 to 1!"

Yo' Mama is so fat, the hippos at the zoo get jealous of her figure.

Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
faces like yours
belong in a zoo.
Don't worry I'll be there too,
not in the cage,
but laughing at you.

What do you get when you give away free m**... at a r**... zoo? Iced animal crackers!

Visitor: My favorite part of the zoo is the cage that says 'World's most dangerous animal' and it's just a mirror in it

Zookeeper: Yup, thought-provoking stuff. \*Whispering into phone\* The leopard's escaped again

The zoo

A man was walking around town when he noticed a billboard advertising the new zoo in town. He'd been hearing all about it, and since he had nothing better to do that day, he decided to check it out. Much to the man's surprise, when he got there, the only animal there was a single dog. It was a Shitzu.

I went to the zoo..

When I got to the zoo I saw there weren't many people at all, just me in fact, and there were only a few workers. I walked around for a while and saw nothing. On my way to the exit I asked one of the workers what was up. He directed me to the far corner of the zoo, this whole zoo, as vast as it was only had one animal. It was a shitzu.

I went to the zoo today, but it only had one animal!

It was a Shitzu
... I'll see myself out

A visit to the zoo.

Mother: Did you enjoy your visit to the zoo with Daddy today?
6-year-old: Yes and so did Daddy. Especially when one of the animals came in at 20-1.

I went to the zoo to see some wild animals, however they had only one animal

It was a shitzu.

A walk to the zoo.

A man walks for four days to visit a zoo.
The only animal in the entire zoo is a dog.
The dog looks like a St. Bernard, but the man is steadfast in his belief that it is, with certainty, a Shih Tzu.

A man goes to the zoo...

When he gets there he realizes that this particular zoo only has one animal. A dog..
It was a s**... tzu

I always thought a shih tzu was...

a zoo without animals.

What's the difference between an American zoo and a Chinese zoo?

An American zoo will only have a description of the animal. The Chinese zoo has the price and recipe of the animal.

I went to the zoo the other day...

It was just a really bad zoo overall, just a run down old place. It had only animal too, a dog.
It was a shih tzu.

I hide photos on my computer of me

I hide photos on my computer of me petting animals at the zoo in 
a file named Fireworks and vacuums so my dog won't find them.

My friend owns a zoo...

My friend owns a zoo but the only animal is a tiny dog...
Its a Shitzu

Today i learned that dolphins are the only animals other than humans that enjoy s**...!

I'm not sure if it was worth getting banned from all those zoo's to find out though

A woman walking down the city sidewalk with an adult lion is confronted by a police officer

He: "Lady, you must take that animal directly to the zoo!"
She: "I will do that right away, officer."
The next day, the officer is exasperated to see her and the lion walking down the sidewalk again.
He: "I told you to get that animal to the zoo!"
She: "That was yesterday. Today we are going to the beach."

There was only one animal at the zoo...

it was a Shihtzu

I work as a guide at a zoo. What's your favourite animal joke?

I give tours at a zoo. Each tour goes for a couple of hours so it is good to engage the guests and make the tour a bit more fun. What is your favourite animal joke I can use at work?

I went to a new zoo that has opened up in my area yesterday. Wasn't really worth it, they had one animal and it was a dog.

Turns out it was a Shih Tzu.

What is the difference between northern and southern zoos?

Southern zoos have a description of the animals along with a recipe.

How do you tell the difference between a Northern and a Southern zoo?

A Northern zoo has a large plaque in front of each animal cage. The plaque list the genus, species, common name, average life span, habitat and diet of the animal.

A Southern zoo has a recipe in from of each animal cage.

How to legalize animal poaching ?

Drop a kid in their zoo enclosure.

What's the difference between a monkey flinging p**... at the zoo and someone posting political memes on Facebook?

Answer: One is the sad, desparate attempt of a poor creature with little freedom to get attention from strangers, and the other is just something animals at the zoo do when they're bored.

There was only one animal at the zoo!

The only exhibit at the zoo was a lonely dog. It was a shitzu.

Was at a zoo in Shanghai this morning when several animals escaped...

Absolute pandamonium.

A man walks into a zoo

But he finds no animals, except a dog. He finds a zookeeper and asks him, "what's so special about this dog that you guys got rid of the other animals?"
The zookeeper replies, "Nothing, it's just a shitzu."

I took my niece to the zoo the other day...

The only animal there was a small, scruffy looking dog.
I called the zookeeper over.
"What's with the scruffy old dog? Why is that the only animal?"
"It's a Shih-Tzu"

I just went to the worst zoo I've ever visited.

The food was overpriced, there was hardly any shade, and to top it all off the only animal in the entire zoo was a dog in a cage. It was a shih-tzu.

Why are circus animals so much more exciting than zoo animals?

Becuase they are in tents.

A man walks into a zoo

A man walks into a zoo, but he finds that there is only one animal in the zoo, a dog. It is a shitzu.

My dad always said that real men have the heart of a lion.

So today I decided that it was finally time to be a real man. I succeeded but I have to go to court for animal cruelty and I received a life time ban from all zoos.

I went to the zoo to see the animals.

They were singing We Gotta Get Outta This Place .

A guy goes to the zoo, but there was only one animal...

It was a shiatsu.

I took my daughter to the local zoo,

It turns out the only animal they had was a dog. It was a shitzu.

Name a scam

A zoo charges us to see animals that they stole.

A truck on the way to the zoo was pulled of on suspicion of carrying i**... drugs.

The truck was carrying various animals including a few ducks. The driver was promptly arrested for trasporting large amounts of *quack* across state lines.

A zookeeper wishes to buy some new animals from another wildlife park.

She writes:
Dear sir, We are a recently opened zoo and are looking to purchase 2 mooses. "No that doesn't sound right." She thinks.
We are looking to purchase 2 meese. "No that can't be right either."
Dear sir, I wish to inquire about purchasing a moose. Kind Regards.
P.S. Please send another moose along with the first.

When i go to the zoo and i tell them i wanna look at my favorite animal you know what they do?

Give me a mirror.

I was at the zoo the other day and saw a sign that said, "Do not feed the animals."

Naturally, I obeyed the sign. So they fired me.

My trip to the zoo

I just went to this zoo while on a road trip and it was the worst. It only had 1 animal, a normal house dog.
It was a shitzu

Got sacked from my job as a zoo keeper.

But as I said in my disciplinary
"all the signs say DON'T feed the animals"

The worst zoo I ever visited with my kids had only one animal on display and it was a dog!

It was a Shih Tzu

I went to a zoo with only one animal in it.

It was a Shih Tzu

Who is the jazziest zoo animal?

Ella Phantzgerald

When Katy Perry has the eye of the tiger it's inspiring and motivational

But when I have it all of a sudden I'm endangering animals and have a lifetime ban from the zoo

A zoo's only gorilla dies...

so the zookeeper hires an actor to wear a gorilla costume until the zoo can get another one.
In the gorilla pen the actor makes faces, beats his chest, swings around, and soon draws a huge crowd. Encouraged, he then crawls atop a beam across the lion's enclosure, taunting the animal below. But, in horror, he lost his grip, falling into the lion's cage.
Terrified, the actor shouts, Help! Help me! Too late. The lion pounces, opens its massive jaws, and whispers urgently, Shut up! Do you want to get us both fired?!

I was unfairly fired from the zoo

What was I meant to do? There were signs everywhere saying 'don't feed the animals'

I met my wife at the zoo.

The moment I saw her there, dressed head to toe in khaki and covered in animal s**..., I knew she was a keeper.

Little Johnny wanted to go to the zoo and pestered his parents for days.

Finally, his mother talked his reluctant father into taking him. "So how was it?" his mother asked when they returned home. "Great," Little Johnny replied. "Did you and your father have a good time?" asked his mother. "Yeah, Daddy especially liked it," exclaimed Little Johnny excitedly, especially when one of the animals came racing home at 30 to 1!"

I brought my Arabic friend to the zoo to see Llamas for the first time.

Once we got near them I told him which of the animals was a Llama, and then asked if he thought they looked good.
He turned to me with a confused look on his face and said,
We've been talking for a while, why did you just greet me again?
Equally confused, I replied,
I didn't, I just said That's a Llama, Like 'em?

Physics joke

A physicist and his son go to a petting zoo. They come up on this animal and of course the physicist asks his son what it is. The son says "Daddy thats a rooster!", the physicist shakes his head "Son, its a lambda".

I went to the zoo today, but all of the animal pens were completely empty except for a single enclosure that had one little dog in it.

It was a shitzu.

One day, a zookeeper is walking around the zoo when he sees a man throwing $20 bills into all the exhibits he passes.

"Why are you throwing money into those cages?" asks the zookeeper.
"Because that sign says it's okay," says the man, pointing to a sign.
The zookeeper looks up at the sign. It says, "Do not feed animals. $20 fine."