Animal Testing Jokes
44 animal testing jokes and hilarious animal testing puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about animal testing that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Animal Testing Short Jokes
Short animal testing jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The animal testing humour may include short animal rights jokes also.
- Testing products on animals Guy: We need to stop testing our products on animals
Boss: Why? Shampoo companies do that all the time.
Guy: Ya. But we make hammer. - Did you know they tested the mars rover against animal attacks? They had to switch to dogs because Curiosity killed the cat.
- My employer has recently started testing their products on animals. I guess it wouldn't be so bad if I didn't work for a hammer factory.
- A CEO and his board of directors gather for a meeting CEO: We need to stop testing our products on animals.
BOD: Why? Shampoo companies do it all the time.
CEO: Yeah but we make hammers - An animal rights advocate got really upset with me after I told them that I wash my dog with my own shampoo instead of pet shampoo... ...I reassured her that it had already been tested on animals.
- We should stop... Guy : We should testing our products on animal.
Boss : but why? Shampoo companies do it all the time.
Guy : but we manufacture washing machine. - A group of animal rights activists attempted to poison a barbecue However, the poison didn't work. Should have tested it on animals.
- Sir, we should stop testing our products on animals - Why? All the shampoo companies do it too.
- yeah, but we make power tools - Worker: Why don't we stop testing our peoducts on animals? Boss: What? Other companies test their shampoons on aninals.
Worker: Yeah, but we make hammers! - A company testing on animals just got sued for testing a chapstick on horses that made their lips burn off. They called it neigh-balm.
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Animal Testing One Liners
Which animal testing one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with animal testing? I can suggest the ones about animal fur and animal bad.
- Testing makeup on animals is WRONG... They are cute enough already.
- Why can't zoo animals take tests? There are too many cheetahs!
- Animal testing is wrong.... They get all nervous and give the wrong answers.
- Why did the animal always get a high mark on his test? Because he is a cheetah.
- Buys some condoms Er..Are these tested on animals?
- I don't always neuter my animals... But when I do...
I take dos t**...
Animal Testing Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about animal testing you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean animal shelter jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make animal testing pranks.
Why was the horseman fired from his job of saddle testing?
He was always standing up on the job!
My doctor wants to have me tested for lupus which is ridiculous, as I've never even seen a werewolf.
Cops
The LAPD, the FBI, & the CIA are all trying to prove that they are the best at apprehending criminals. The President decides to give them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest and each of them has to catch it.
The CIA goes in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations they conclude that rabbits do not exist.
The FBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit and they make no apologies. The rabbit had it coming.
The LAPD goes in. They come out two hours later with a badly beaten black bear. The bear is yelling: "Okay, okay, I'm a rabbit, I'm a rabbit."
The NYPD, The FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove that they are the best at apprehending criminals.
The President decides to give them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest and each of them has to catch it.
The CIA goes in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations they conclude that rabbits do not exist.
The FBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit, and they make no apologies. The rabbit had it coming.
The NYPD goes in. They come out two hours later with a badly beaten bear. The bear is yelling: "Okay! Okay! I'm a rabbit! I'm a rabbit!'
(My favorite joke)Who is best at apprehending criminals?
The CIA, the FBI, and the Los Angeles Police Department (LAPD) are all trying to prove that they are the best at apprehending criminals. The President decides to give them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest and each of them has to catch it.
The CIA goes in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations, they conclude that rabbits do not exist.
The FBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit and they make no apologies. The rabbit had it coming.
The LAPD goes in. They come out two hours later dragging a badly beaten bear. The bear is screaming, "Okay, okay! I'm a RABBIT!! I'm a RABBIT!!"
My teacher put these onto our Word of the Day test in class today.
What illness did everyone on the Enterprise catch? Chicken Spocks!
What animals are on legal documents? Seals!
What is a polygon? A dead parrot!
Scientists decide they don't need God.
Some time in the future, not to terribly long from now there is a big scientist convention. At this convention they decide that there is no need for God anymore, scientists can do everything that God can do. So they choose a delegate to find God and inform Him of their decision and kindly ask Him to go do something else.
The delegate sets out in search for God. For forty years he wanders the world exclaiming out loud, "God!! Where are you, we need to talk." Eventually God gets tired of this guy's haranguing, takes pity on him. He forms a body and goes before the scientist.
"God, " trembles the scientist, "I've been chosen to tell you that since people can do everything you can do, we don't need you anymore."
"Really," says God.
"Yes. We can make new animals from base materials, change matter to energy, control the weather, heal illnesses and injuries. I could even make a person."
"Okay," says God, "let's have a little test, Show me that you can make a man." God and the scientist are suddenly surrounded by all the apparatus of a modern laboratory.
The scientist agrees, and reaches down to pick up a handful of dirt.
"STOP." shouts the Lord. "You get your own dirt!"
The KGB, the FBI and the CIA are all trying to prove that they are the best at catching criminals
The Secretary General of the UN decides to give them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest and each of them has to catch it.
The CIA goes in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations they conclude that rabbits do not exist.
The FBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit, and they make no apologies. The rabbit had it coming.
The KGB goes in. They come out two hours later with a badly beaten bear. The bear is screaming: "Okay! Okay! I'm a rabbit! I'm a rabbit!"
Two animals taking a test were caught copying off each other...
When one accuses the other...
"He's the CHEETAH!"
"What? You're LION!"
Why God never got a PhD
1. He had only one major publication.
2. It was written in Aramaic, not in English.
3. It has no references.
4. It wasn't even published in a refereed journal.
5. There are serious doubts he wrote it himself.
6. It may be true that he created the world, but what has he done since
then?
7. His cooperative efforts have been quite limited.
8. The Scientific community has had a hard time replicating his results.
9. He unlawfully performed not only Animal, but *Human* testing.
10. When one experiment went awry, he tried to cover it by drowning his
subjects.
11. When subjects didn't behave as predicted, he deleted them from
the sample.
12. He rarely came to class, just told his students to read the book.
13. Some say he had his son to teach the class.
14. He expelled his first two students for learning.
15. Although there were only 10 requirements, most of his students
failed his tests.
16. His office hours were infrequent and usually held on a mountain top.
How do you get into Heaven?
When Tim was just a wee lad, he went regularly to Sunday School. One day, his teacher decided to test Tim to see if he understood the concept of getting to Heaven. She asked him, "If I sold my house and my car, had a big garage sale and gave all my money to the church, Would that get me into Heaven?"
"NO!" Tim answered.
"If I cleaned the church every day, mowed the yard, and kept everything neat and tidy, would that get me into Heaven?"
Again, the answer was, "NO!"
By now, the teacher was starting to smile. Hey, this was fun!
"Well, then, if I was kind to animals and gave candy to all the children, and loved my husband, would that get me into Heaven?"
Again, Tim answered, "NO!"
The Sunday School teacher was just bursting with pride for him.
Well, she continued, "then how can I get into Heaven?"
A very confident young Tim shouted out, "YOU GOTTA BE DEAD."
The CIA the FBI and the KGB hold a competition
The KGB, the FBI and the CIA are all trying to prove that they are the best at catching criminals. The Secretary General of the UN decides to give them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest and each of them has to catch it. The CIA goes in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations they conclude that the rabbit does not exist. The FBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit, and make no apologies: the rabbit had it coming. The KGB goes in. They come out two hours later with a badly beaten bear. The bear is yelling: Okay! Okay! I'm a rabbit! I'm a rabbit!
Humans are being tested against the new AI program
The robot beats the human in every category. It comes to one of the last ones: hunting. The robot again beats the human. However, someone working there sets the animals free again and tells them to try get them again. The robot doesn't move whilst the human wins because
ROBOTS CANT RECAPTCHA
Two employees are having a conversation about quality control
Employee 1: We need to stop testing our products on animals.
Employee 2: Why? Other shampoo companies do it all the time.
Employee 1: Cool. But we make hammers.
I asked my friend why animals stay in groups...
He replied, "There are several reasons. Name an animal and I'll tell you why."
Perplexed, I took the opportunity and asked him about why penguins stay in groups.
"That," he responded, "is because penguins often use eachother to test if something is safe. Penguins sometimes even push other penguins into the water to test for killer whales."
Amazed by his knowledge, I ask him about birds.
"There are several reasons for this, as well, but the major one is so that they have a much lower chance of being targetted by a predator, like an eagle."
At this point it was just for fun, but finally, I asked him about lions.
"Oh, that? It's just the pride of lions."
My girlfriend made me buy vegan condoms
Apparently regular condoms are tested on animals or something
At the company meeting, one of the managers came up with an idea.
- I think we should stop testing our products on animals, it's giving our brand a bad rep.
The CEO says:
- How come? The shampoo companies do it all the time!
- I understand, but, sir, we sell hammers.
My company has just decided we won't test our products on animals anymore
We make hammers.
So a boss walks into his business meeting
He sits at the head of the table and says
We need to stop testing our products on animals
One of his employees exclaim Why?! Makeup brands do it all the time!
He turns to her and says Susan? We make hammers, what do you not understand!
I just got hired at a company today, I also found out that they test products on animals.
They are a hammer testing company.
Two guys are in a meeting at work
The first guy says "Hey I think we should stop testing our products on animals."
The second guy tells him "look, I know it s**... but animal testing is an unfortunate necessity in saving human lives - look at the pharmaceutical industry.
The first guy goes "yeah, but we make hammers."
Fun guy helping daughter prep for her science test
Last night I pulled a classic dad joke on my daughter. Normally this would make anyone groan but because my daughter is cool like me she loved it.
We were studying for her science vocabulary test. When we came to the word organism
she said:
Any living thing. Like an animal, plant or fungi
I said:
You know people think I'm a fun guy (fungi)
(Pause) she looks at me….
Her:
Oh I get it! then we laugh as she explains the joke I made. She's 9.
Classic… My daughter is going to make a great dad one day…