Animal Rights Jokes
64 animal rights jokes and hilarious animal rights puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about animal rights that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Animal Rights Short Jokes
Short animal rights jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The animal rights humour may include short animal testing jokes also.
- Two big, strong, grey animals are talking to each other... Animal 1: Hey, you realize we have horns on the top of our heads right?
Animal 2: Rhino - An animal rights advocate got really upset with me after I told them that I wash my dog with my own shampoo instead of pet shampoo... ...I reassured her that it had already been tested on animals.
- What did the picture on the computer say right before it was put through animation? Be back in a .gif
- I got fired from my job as an animal rights activist All I said was that sometimes it feels like you're beating a dead horse when you try to get people to donate
- Why yes I'm also a member of PETA and an animal rights person Yup I'm a Preferred Eater of Tasty Animals and all animals have a right to be served on my plate.
- What animals say The cow goes moo
The horse goes neigh
The dog goes woof
The pig goes "you have the right to remain silent" - A group of animal rights activists attempted to poison a barbecue However, the poison didn't work. Should have tested it on animals.
- What kind of meat comes from an animal whose left legs are shorter than their right legs? Lean.
- The pope gives a speech on materialism and reminds us to think of the children. Next week michael vick gives a speech on nonviolence and the importance of animal rights.
- I am looking for two Chinese people to help me improve legislation for animals in Asia. That way, two wongs can make a right.
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Animal Rights One Liners
Which animal rights one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with animal rights? I can suggest the ones about human rights and animal lover.
- What do you call an animal rights' activist that never grows old? PETA Pan
- Where do you find a no-legged dog? Right where you left him.
- what do you call an animal rights activist that loves children? a peta-phile
- What do you call someone who sticks his right hand in shark's mouths?
Lefty. - I've been trying to find the right time to tell my pet hes adopted...
- What's the most influental animal rights philosopher? Karl Barx
- Why do animal rights activists hate NASA? Because curiosity killed the cat.
- Hey baby, wanna play lion? OK. You go kneel right there and I'll throw you my meat.
- Q: How does a cow sneak off a farm?
A: Right pasteurize. - Animals do have rights To be eaten.
- I used to be in an animal rights group... But that was before i s**... the pooch.
- I'm the flower, you're the bee. Why don't you s**... the sweet pollen right out of me?
Ridiculous Animal Rights Jokes to Spark Fun and Laughter
What funny jokes about animal rights you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean animal bar jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make animal rights pranks.
Two guys meet:
"Where were you lost my friend? says one of them.
"
"Well, I took my kids to the zoo..."
"And what kind of animals did you see there?"
"The tiger... Huge and Scary! Full of stripes... Slowly walking inside the cage. She was “ahgrrr...”
"Are you kidding me men? The tiger doesn’t go “ahgrrr..” … She “grrrrsss..”!
"Right, ok.. But when you get too close to her face... !"
Customer: "Waiter, there’s a fly in my soup.
"
Waiter: "That’s all right sir, he won’t drink much."
I hear you take milk baths.
That's right.
Why?
I can't find a cow tall enough for a shower.
A man climbed over a fence into a field to pick some flowers.
He noticed a bull nearby.
Say, farmer "Is that bull safe?"
"Well, he's a lot safer than you are right now!"
You know Chuck Norris' pet lizard, right?
Last I heard, he was in the movie "
Godzilla".
Oh, and his pet turtle starred in "Gamera" as well.
A man received a phone call one day, and the caller asked if he had lost a parrot.
He said that he had indeed lost the bird, but wanted to know how the caller located him.
The called said that the bird had landed on his balcony and kept repeating, "Hi, you have reached 555-1234. I can't come to the phone right now, please leave a message at the tone."
An old lady was considering buying a squirrel fur coat.
"But will it be all right in the rain?" she asked anxiously.
"Oh certainly, ma am," said the manager smoothly.
"After all, you've never seen a squirrel with an umbrella have you?"
One day there was a tortoise walking on the road.
Along came the hare that had once been defeated by the tortoise in a race.
The hare was so angry from what had happened to him so he challenged him to another race.
The tortoise gladly accepted his challenge.
It ended up that the tortoise and the hare never finished the race because they both took a nap right before the finish line.
So the tortoise is still the champion of the race.
So remember this you snooze you loose!
Two snakes were crawling along when one snake asked the other, "
Are we poisonous?"
The other replied, "You're darn right we are! We're rattlesnakes. Why do you ask?"
To which the first replied, "Because I just bit my tongue"
Imagine that you are in the forest where there is a tiger in front of you right about to eat you.
What do you do? U stop imagining...
Three ladies meet up for a drink
Three ladies meet up for a drink once a week.
The first lady says: "The other night, when my boyfriend got in from work, I surprised him. I was standing in the hallway, wearing these tall leather boots, a corset, long black silk gloves, and lots of makeup. I looked him in the eye and said 'Hello there, big boy.' He grabbed me, flung me to the floor and we made love right there and then and it was AMAZING."
Next week they meet up again.
The second lady says to the first one: "I took a tip from you. The other night my fiance came home from work, and I was standing in the bedroom wearing high heels, a tiny skirt, a see-through top and heavy makeup. I said 'Hello there. Big Boy.' and he flung me on the bed and it was unbelievable! He was like a wild animal!"
The third lady, married for ten years and seeing things get a bit stale in the bedroom, decides she needs a piece of the action.
She dresses up in thigh high leather boots, a tiny black skirt, a cleavage-tastic corset, long black gloves and she puts on the sluttiest makeup job in the history of s**... makeup jobs. She waits in the kitchen, thinking that when hubby gets home he may do something really sordid like make love to her right there on the kitchen table.
Sure enough, he comes home and walks into the kitchen.
She looks him in the eye and says: "Hello there. Big Boy."
He looks back at her and says: "Hey Batman, what's for dinner?"
The homeless man and the farmer
A homeless man comes up to a farmers house and knocks on the door, when the farmer answers, the homeless man asks "May i spend the night?" to which the farmer replies, "Sure, but you're going to have to sleep in the stable." So the homeless man agrees and sleeps in the stable with all the animals.
In the morning the farmer comes in and asks "How did you sleep?" and the homeless man says "I slept good. And I talked to your animals too." the farmer says, "Really?"
"Yes, I talked to the chickens," he responded, "and they said that you come in every morning at 4am to collect the eggs."
"Wow," the farmer says, "That's right!"
"I also talked to the cows," the homeless man continued, "And they told me every morning at 5am, you milk them"
"That's amazing!" the farmer responds.
"I also talked to the sheep, and they said-"
"THOSE SHEEP ARE LIARS!!!!"
Billy at school
The teacher asks Billy, the first grader, questions about animals:
T: Billy, what do we get from pigs?
B: Meat
T: That's right! And what do we get from sheep?
B: Wool
T: Correct! And what do we get from cows?
B: Homework
A woman walking down the city sidewalk with an adult lion is confronted by a police officer
He: "Lady, you must take that animal directly to the zoo!"
She: "I will do that right away, officer."
The next day, the officer is exasperated to see her and the lion walking down the sidewalk again.
He: "I told you to get that animal to the zoo!"
She: "That was yesterday. Today we are going to the beach."
A man's dog dies
A fine elderly Catholic gentleman lived alone in Southwest Florida in an upscale gated community except for his beloved dog that he had for a long time.
The dog finally died and the gent went to the parish priest, saying "Father, my dear dog is dead. Could you possibly be saying a Mass for the poor creature?"
Father Patrick told the grief stricken man "No, we can't have services for an animal in the church, but I'll tell you what, there's a Baptist church down the road, and no telling what they believe in, but maybe they'll do something for the animal."
The old fellow said "I'll go right now. Thank you Father...By the way, do you think $50,000 is enough to donate for the service?"
Father Patrick replied
"Why didn't you tell me the dog was Catholic."
Born Too Late To Explore The Earth,
Born too early to explore the galaxy,
Born at just the right time to have s**... with virtual reality anime chicks.
I thought we had the right to bear arms
but when I got them I was arrested for animal a**...
An American patriot with amputated arms decides to replace them.
He obtains a pair of grizzly bear arms from a black market, and attaches them on his own, with the help of a friend.
He is arrested for contribution to animal cruelty and performing medical procedures unlicensed.
When taken to court, he gives a speech defending his right to bear arms.
My vegetarian friend
My vegetarian friend believes that animals don't deserve to just die for our food, and she always lectures everybody about it. One day, I caught her having a Carribean takeaway, which was clearly chicken, so I did what she would've done and started going on about how that chicken didn't deserve to die just for her dinner.
She then said,
"If the menu said 'kind chicken' or 'loving chicken', then I wouldn't be eating it, but it says right here- j**... chicken'".
How do you reply when a vegan asks you "Do you love animals?"
I love them when they are on a plate, especially if they are cooked right.
Irish animal rights activists have broken into a turkey farm.
They say they are going to release thousands of turkeys into the wild...
as soon as they've defrosted
The most addictive thing aren't Games, Drugs or Anime it's
Farming karma for bragging rights
A zookeeper wishes to buy some new animals from another wildlife park.
She writes:
Dear sir, We are a recently opened zoo and are looking to purchase 2 mooses. "No that doesn't sound right." She thinks.
We are looking to purchase 2 meese. "No that can't be right either."
Dear sir, I wish to inquire about purchasing a moose. Kind Regards.
P.S. Please send another moose along with the first.
Steer clear if you don't like cow puns
Why are cows the most forgiving animals?
Because forgiveness is bovine.
Alternatively: because they're always ready to turn the udder cheek.
Why is it best to hug a cow right after it eats?
Because then it's extra cuddly.
I knew this guy whose favorite thing was to cover a cow's eyes. He just loved to make them low and behold.
You know what makes cow puns so great?
You can always come up with an udder one.
Below is an ad that appeared in The Atalanta Journal.
Single black female seeks male companionship, ethnicity unimportant. I'm a very good looking girl who loves to play. I love long walks in the woods, riding in your pickup truck, hunting, camping and fishing trips; cozy winter nights lying by the fire. Candlelight dinners will have me eating out of your hand. Rub me the right way and watch me respond. I'll be at the front door when you get home from work, wearing only what nature gave me. Kiss me and I'm yours. Call this number and ask for Dixie.
(Over 15,000 men found themselves talking to the local Humane Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals about an 8-week old black Labrador retriever)
A man enters an animal shop, and sees a parrot with ropes tied to each of it's legs...
The man asks the shopkeeper about the parrot and the shopkeeper replies:
- If you pull the right leg rope, he's gonna greet you in French, and if you pull the left leg rope, he'll greet you in German
- And what about, if i pull both simultaneously? - asks the man.
- Well, he...
Suddenly the parrot interrupts him:
- I will fall down, you idiot!
A black Christian man and a white Jewish man walk into a bar...
"That's racist!"
Okay, so a Christian man and a Jewish man walk into a bar...
"That's religionist!"
Okay, so two men walk into a bar...
"That's sexist!"
Okay, so a man and a woman walk into a bar...
"That's homophobic!"
Okay, so two people walk into a bar...
"That's ableist!"
Okay, so two people enter a bar...
"That promotes alcoholism!"
Okay, so two people enter a place...
"Animals have rights too!"
Okay, so two animals, which may or may not be human, enter a place...
"I've heard this one before!"
I saw a man with a penguin on a leash
I saw a man walking with a penguin on a leash
I said to him "That penguin is a wild animal. You need to take it to the zoo."
The man thought for a moment and said "You are absolutely right. I'll take him now."
The next day I saw the man again. He was still walking the penguin on a lead.
I said "I thought you were taking that penguin to the zoo?"
He replied "I did, he loved it. Now we're going to the movies."
God: Noah, it's time to build another boat.
Noah: Oh, so soon! But hey, you are the boss. So the same, animals, two by two?
God: Actually no. We forgot the fish last time so this time this will be just for the fish.
God (again): Also, build it with more than one deck.
Noah: Big boat, only fish and several levels. Got it boss!
God: And another thing. Not just any fish. I want only Carp on the new boat.
Noah: So, let me get this right God.
You want a "Multi Storey
Carp Ark!"....
A biologist, a physicist and a statistician went hunting
After a good, long while, they found a deer.
The physicist lifted his rifle, took aim, fired, and hit three feet to the left of the animal.
The biologist fired too, and sent the bullet three feet to the right of the deer.
The statistician lifted his rifle triumphantly in the air, and exclaimed: 'We got it!'
A family go to the zoo
They're excited to see all the exotic animals, birds & reptiles. The first enclosure is empty, totally deserted. Unperturbed they carry on to the next one.. again it's empty!
Every single enclosure, cage, run and avery they encounter is empty, deserted and unkempt..
Except, right beside the exit is the last one; a single small solitary cage.
And in it sat a small furry creature.. a dog!
The father looked at it and it occurred to him,
"This is a shih tzu!"
