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Animal Kid Jokes

36 animal kid jokes and hilarious animal kid puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about animal kid that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Funniest Animal Kid Short Jokes

Short animal kid jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The animal kid humour may include short kid animal jokes also.

  1. I dont believe in hitting my children as punishment So i send them to school wearing crocs and anime shirts and let other kids beat them instead
  2. A kid came out as bisexual to his dad and the dad said they have to move "This apartment has a strict no-animal policy.", he says. "Wait until they find out I have a bison."
  3. I lost my kid at the zoo the other day.... I couldn't find him, so they just shot all the animals.
  4. What did the mother turkey say to her disobedient children? If your father could see you now, he'd turn over in his gravy!
  5. When I was a kid I pretended I was doing surgery on a stuffed animal inside a blanket fort I guess you could say they were undercover operations
  6. As a kid my favorite superhero was The Flash and my favorite animal was the cheetah, I guess that explains why I'm now addicted to speed
  7. Growing up, my kid always had lots of stuffed animals.... ...but he never appreciated them. Everything we went to the taxidermist he'd start crying.
  8. Teacher: "Who can tell me 5 wild animals?"
    Little Johnny: "2 lions & 3 wolves."
  9. The worst zoo I ever visited with my kids had only one animal on display and it was a dog! It was a Shih Tzu
  10. Teaching a kid about animals and asked her: "Which animal is the largest animal in the world?" She replied: "You."
    (True story, just happened minutes ago while tutoring a kid. *Cries*)

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Animal Kid One Liners

Which animal kid one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with animal kid? I can suggest the ones about kids animal and baby animal.

  1. How to legalize animal poaching ? Drop a kid in their zoo enclosure.
  2. Q: Why did the blonde want to become a veterinarian? 
    A: She liked kids...
  3. When I was a kid I really liked animals. I still have all the skins.
  4. Red meat is not bad for you. Fuzzy green meat is bad for you.
  5. Mothers with teenagers know why animals eat their young.
  6. How should you treat a baby goat?
    Like a kid.
  7. Q: What animal has the most kids.
    A: A s**... whale.

Comical Animal Kid Jokes to Spread Joy and Laughter

What funny jokes about animal kid you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean flower kid jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make animal kid pranks.

I was amazed

As I get older, I never stop learning new things every day. I'm a new dad and the other day I was changing my baby when all of a sudden my kid rolls off of the changing table. As if animal instincts kicked into me in that split moment, or super powers of sorts, I swoop down with lightning speed and catch him INCHES off of the ground! Still to this day I'm amazed; I had no idea babies could bounce that high off of marbled flooring.

When I was 6 years old my priest took me aside and gave me a lesson about the birds and the bees.

He did this to many other kids. It went on for about 2 years. Until he left the church to pursue his career in zoology. He just loved teaching kids about animals. What a great man.

Woman buys parrot

A woman walks into a pet store, and is perusing through the various animals when she comes across one of the most beautiful parrots she has ever seen. She's taken aback by the tropical beauty of this bird, and when she looks on the price tag on the cage it says 50$. The woman turns to the man at the front counter and asks "Why is a bird this beautiful being sold for this little?" The man looks up and says "Oh, that bird was originally kept in a house of prostitution, and boy does he have a mouth". The woman takes the words to heart but buys the bird anyway. She buys it, and takes it home with her. She puts the bird in the living room. Suddenly the bird squawks "NEW HOUSE NEW MADAME!" The woman is put off by this but she figures that in a few days the bird will get over it. Her daughters come home from school and the bird speaks again "NEW HOUSE, NEW MADAME, NEW GIRLS!" Again the woman is off put but she assures her kids that the bird will grow out of its old habits. The woman's husband gets back in from a day at work. The parrot takes one look at him and squawks:
"HI GARY!!"

How do you put an elephant in a fridge joke

A plane carries 500 bricks. 1 falls out. How many bricks are left?
499.
How do you put an elephant in a fridge in 3 steps?
Open the fridge, put in the elephant, and close the fridge.
How do you put a deer in a fridge in 4 steps?
Open the fridge, take out the elephant, put in the deer, then close the fridge.
The Lion King is having a party. All the animals are there except for one; who is it?
The deer: He is still in the fridge.
An old lady is crossing a swamp, but it is a crocodile swamp. How does she cross? Normally, all the crocodiles are at the Lion King's party
Mary dies at the edge of the swamp. How?
A brick falls from the sky and kills her.
Knock knock Who's there?
Not Mary

A British girl meets a guy...

And they hit it off immediately. The girl goes to her dad the next day to tell him about it.
"Oh, dad, he's just the sweetest! He loves dancing and photography, he's great with kids, and he volunteers at an animal shelter. He's funny, handsome, a great listener, oh! and he's a goalie for a local football team. Oh dad, what do you think?"
Her dad looked at her with an odd expression and said "Oh honey...
... *he's a keeper*"

Did you hear about what happened when the anime studio tried to make a s**...-ed video?

Kids kept getting confused about why the octopus was showing up.

Snakes are the fastest growing animals, said a kid to his father.

The father: how did you know ?
The kid: my old brother killed a 40-inch-long snake, and everytime he tells the story the snake's length increases by 20 inches.

Teamster jokes

Why is there a horse on the Teamster logo?
It's the only animal that sleeps standing up.
What do Teamster's kide do at the playground do?
Sit on folding chairs and watch other kids play.
What do you call a Teamster in a 3 piece suit?
Defendant
Two teamsters are standing around. Suddenly on of them crushes a snail under is his boot.
The other one asks "why did you do that"?
"that son of a b**... has been following me around all day"

An elementary teacher is talking about animals to her students...

Teacher: What does the chicken give you?
Kids: Meat!
Teacher: Very good. What does the pig give you?
Kids: Meat!
Teacher: Great! What does the cow give you?
Kids: Homework!

That's nothing

A father, mother and a small kid go to see a circus. There, among many animals the kid sees the elephant and its long thing hanging between his legs. The kid asks dad "What's that". Ashamed to answer, father says "Ask mother".
The kid asks mom, and she too is ashamed and says, "Oh, that's nothing". The kid goes back to father, and father asks, "What did mom say". Kid says she told "That's nothing".
Father replies sighing, "Yeah for your mother even that's nothing".

A kid doctor is called a pediatrician, and an animal lover is a z**..., what do you call someone who loves kids.

A Priest

I cooked Pancakes this morning. I was thrilled but my kids weren't. Apparently, he was their favorite rabbit.

Q: What do the mosquito parents say to their small children, when they see people lying on the sandy beach during a hot summer day more than 15 minutes?
A: "Kids, prepare the cutlery and your chin-straps.
Our lunch is already heated up and ready for the consumption!"

A farmer brought his daughter a little p**...-belly pet pig.
She called it "Stinky" when she played with it out in the yard, but she called it "Ballpoint" when it was in the sty.
"Tell me," asked her father, "Why do you have two names for your pig?"
"That’s easy," she replied, "Ballpoint is just his pen name."

Why wouldn't the dad take his kids to see the animals at the park?

He heard it was a zoo there

I told my niece that I saw a moose on the way to work this morning. She said, "How do you know he was on his way to work?"