I had to shag a LOT of animals to find that out.
The Polar bear.
cancer.
when he come across a suitcase. Inside the suitcase he finds a fox and her cubs. He dials animal control to report his discovery. The woman on the other end exclaims, "That's horrible... are they moving? The man responds, "I don't know but that would explain the suitcase"
All of them, skyscrapers can't jump.
A live cat was found roaming the surface of Mars. Scientists planned to have the Mars Rover capture the animal to study it but unfortunately while attempting to capture the feline, Curiosity killed the cat.
The first blonde says, "Hey, look at that, deer tracks!"
The second blonde chimes in and responds, "No, Becky, those are moose tracks!"
The third blonde steps in and says, "You two are both wrong, those are obviously elk tracks!"
The three blondes kept arguing about what animal left the tracks until they were eventually hit by a train.
"Rhino!"
"We know you know the answer, Scooby, but it's not your turn."
She's single handedly ruining my balloon animal business.
Because they were Veteran Aryans.
Inside the suitcase he finds a fox and her cubs. He dials animal control to report his discovery. The woman on the other end exclaims, "That's horrible... are they moving? The man responds, "I don't know but that would explain the suitcase"
Joey gives Mary 1 stuffed animal and 2 flowers. Emma gives Mary 3 flowers and 2 stuffed animals. Sam gives Mary 2 stuffed animals and 1 flower. What does Mary have?
Cancer. Mary has cancer.
and said "I've found six kittens in a suitcase in the woods." They said ", are they moving?"
I replied "I don't know but that would explain the suitcase."
The polar bear.
A couple calves,
an ass,
ten little piggies,
a beaver,
a shit load of hares,
and a fish that no one can seem to find!
They had to switch to dogs because Curiosity killed the cat.
He had no friends at all though. Because even in the animal kingdom, nobody likes a smart-ass.
A cheetah.
Because it'll rip your fucking face off.
...her spirit animal is the swallow.
He: "Lady, you must take that animal directly to the zoo!"
She: "I will do that right away, officer."
The next day, the officer is exasperated to see her and the lion walking down the sidewalk again.
He: "I told you to get that animal to the zoo!"
She: "That was yesterday. Today we are going to the beach."
Three blondes were walking through a forest when they came across a set of tracks. They stopped, bewildered, wondering what animal could have made them. The first blonde says, "I know, those are moose tracks." The second blonde goes, "no, those are bear tracks." The third blonde says, "guys, those are definitely wolf tracks." They were still arguing when the train hit them.
A doctor
A high horse
As I get older, I never stop learning new things every day. I'm a new dad and the other day I was changing my baby when all of a sudden my kid rolls off of the changing table. As if animal instincts kicked into me in that split moment, or super powers of sorts, I swoop down with lightning speed and catch him INCHES off of the ground! Still to this day I'm amazed; I had no idea babies could bounce that high off of marbled flooring.
At the end of a great day on the slopes, he retired to the local tavern. After getting six whiskeys in him he stood up and turned around to discover a large, stuffed animal head with giant antlers hanging from the wall.
"Barkeep," he said, "what the hell is that?"
The bartender said, "Oh that's a moose!"
The Scotsman bugged out his eyes and cried, "Holy crap! How big are the cats?!"
10 little piggies, 2 calves, a beaver, an ass, some hares, and a fish that no one can seem to find.
Retail store. I know I'm lame.
A mole
More specifically a koala. I can sleep for 22 hours in a row.
Goose: Wanna hear migrate idea?
If I ever see him again I'll tear him apart with my bear hands.
2 calves, an ass, a beaver, a shit load of hares, and a fish nobody can find.
This Scottish bloke goes on a skiing holiday to Canada. After a hard day on the slopes he retires to a bar at the bottom of the mountain. After about five or six whiskeys, he looks up and notices a stuffed animal with antlers on the wall. He asks the barman, "What the fuck is that?".
The barman says, "It's a Moose." The Scottish chap says, "Fuck me! How big are the cats?"
A Trojan horse.
...it's so big in fact that if you laid it out on a basketball court, the game would be over and the whale would die.
Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Animal? Well, here are the best Animal dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Animal pick up lines to share with friends.