Animal Jokes
150 animal jokes and hilarious animal puns to laugh out loud. Read animal jokes about animal that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Check out our collection of jokes about animals ranging from corny to bad. We have funny jokes about Animal Crossing, Animal Kid, Animal Farm, Animal Zoo, and more! Laugh at animals in their enclosure or elk carcass.
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Funniest Animal Short Jokes
Short animal jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The animal humour may include short rabbit jokes also.
- I dont believe in hitting my children as punishment So i send them to school wearing crocs and anime shirts and let other kids beat them instead
- A kid came out as bisexual to his dad and the dad said they have to move "This apartment has a strict no-animal policy.", he says. "Wait until they find out I have a bison."
- Some people think filling animals with helium is wrong... I don't judge. Whatever floats your goat.
- Adam gave sally 3 flowers and 1 stuffed animal. Kristen gave Sally 5 flowers and 2 stuffed animals. What does Sally have? cancer.
- All groups of animals have unique names: a gaggle of geese, a pod of whales, a colony of ants… so what do you call a group of Karens? An HOA
- I lost my job at the zoo recently. There was a sign that said do not feed the animals. So I didn't.
- What happens if you you cross an angry cow with an angry sheep? You get two animals that are in a *baaaad moooood.*
- I'm sick of my wife blowing everything out of proportion. She's single handedly ruining my balloon animal business.
- Several of Hitlers Generals disappeared after the war, and became animal doctors. Because they were Veteran Aryans.
- At a First Date Conversation At a first date:
He: I work with animals every day!
She: Oh how sweet! What is it that you do?
He: I'm a butcher.
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Animal One Liners
Which animal one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with animal? I can suggest the ones about cats and dogs.
- What's the stupidest animal in the jungle? The Polar bear.
- How many animals can jump higher than a skyscraper? All of them, skyscrapers can't jump.
- Why did the anime girl eat too much? Because her eyes were bigger than her stomach.
- What is the most difficult animal to hunt in Africa? The Polar bear.
- What's a vegan's favorite animal? A high horse
- What animal has exactly 12 grams of carbon? A mole
- Animals: winter is here, we need a plan to survive. Goose: Wanna hear migrate idea?
- If God wanted us to be vegetarians… Why did he make the animals out of meat?
- Why did the vet turn away the injured sea animal? Do not accept if seal is broken.
- What type of animals are put on envelopes? Seals.
- Steve Irwin died the way he lived. With animals in his heart.
- What is a black dad's favorite animal? Bison
- What do you call an internet page dedicated to anime? A weebsite.
- Happy Greek Easter! Which Greek God loved to collect animals? Zoos
- what animal takes up the most land? a groundhog.
Animal Zoo Jokes
Here is a list of funny animal zoo jokes and even better animal zoo puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I got fired form the zoo. Apparently the sign "Don't feed the animals" was only meant for the visitors.
- What's the difference between a zoo in Louisiana and a zoo anywhere else? In Louisiana, next to the plaque with the animal's name, they've got a good recipe.
- What's the difference between a Yankee zoo and a Southern zoo? The Yankee zoo will have the name of the animal and its Latin name. The Southern zoo will have the name of the animal and a recipe.
- What do elephants in the zoo get for lunch? Half an hour, just like the rest of the animals.
- What kind of zoo has no animals except for a small, yappy dog? A shih tzu
- A visit to the zoo. Mother: Did you enjoy your visit to the zoo with Daddy today?
6-year-old: Yes and so did Daddy. Especially when one of the animals came in at 20-1. - I took my family to the zoo today… When we got there the only animal there was a dog…
It was a Shih Tzu - The pound is way more fun than the zoo They change out the animals every week!
- What's the difference between an American zoo and a Chinese zoo? An American zoo will only have a description of the animal. The Chinese zoo has the price and recipe of the animal.
- I went to the zoo today, but it only had one animal! It was a Shitzu
... I'll see myself out
Animal Farm Jokes
Here is a list of funny animal farm jokes and even better animal farm puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I tried to collect some wool and milk from my farm and the animals went crazy. It was shear and udder panic.
- Recent research shows that horses tend to have much better mental health than other farm animals Due to their stable environment
- People who drug their farm animals should get off their high horse.
- Whats the difference between a chicken and a turkey a chicken is a common farm animal
and a turkey commits genocide against armenians. - I got spit on by a farm animal and thought it was the end of the world. It was just the alpaca lips.
- What are the two sexiest farm animals? Brown chicken brown cow.
- Soviets are vegans They have no animal farms.
- Did you hear about the deal between the animals of Animal Farm and Farmer Jones? They agreed to a farmistice.
- What's the smartest animal on the farm? The farmer
(this killed my 12yo brothers) - All the other animals on the farm accused the horse of being too negative. After all, he is a neigh sayer
Animal Rights Jokes
Here is a list of funny animal rights jokes and even better animal rights puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What do you call an animal rights' activist that never grows old? PETA Pan
- Two big, strong, grey animals are talking to each other... Animal 1: Hey, you realize we have horns on the top of our heads right?
Animal 2: Rhino - An animal rights advocate got really upset with me after I told them that I wash my dog with my own shampoo instead of pet shampoo... ...I reassured her that it had already been tested on animals.
- What did the picture on the computer say right before it was put through animation? Be back in a .gif
- I got fired from my job as an animal rights activist All I said was that sometimes it feels like you're beating a dead horse when you try to get people to donate
- Why yes I'm also a member of PETA and an animal rights person Yup I'm a Preferred Eater of Tasty Animals and all animals have a right to be served on my plate.
- What animals say The cow goes moo
The horse goes neigh
The dog goes woof
The pig goes "you have the right to remain silent" - What kind of meat comes from an animal whose left legs are shorter than their right legs? Lean.
- What do you call someone who sticks his right hand in shark's mouths?
Lefty. - I've been trying to find the right time to tell my pet hes adopted...
Farm Animal Jokes
Here is a list of funny farm animal jokes and even better farm animal puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What farm animal makes the best cook? Pigs. They are always bakin'
- What do you call a promiscuous farm animal A Horse
- The most addictive thing aren't Games, Drugs or Anime it's Farming karma for bragging rights
- What's the most smelly animal on the farm? The Toilet Duck.
- Irish animal rights activists have broken into a turkey farm. They say they are going to release thousands of turkeys into the wild...
as soon as they've defrosted - China banning animal farm sounds ironic
- Did you hear about the farm that got taken over by animals? I herd it was a mootiny
- I was chewing on a copy of Animal Farm the other day... I enjoy biting satire
- What do you call a farm animal that gets hurt? A Cow!
(Ow!!) - What is Biz Markies favorite farm animal? Ewe, ewe got what I neeeeeed.
Animal Crossing Jokes
Here is a list of funny animal crossing jokes and even better animal crossing puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What do you get when you cross a sheep with a porcupine? An animal that knits its own sweaters.
- What do you get if you cross an angry sheep and an angry cow? You get two animals in a baaaaaad moooood.
- What do you get when you cross an automobile with a household animal? A very upset child.
- What do you get if you cross a skunk and a dinosaur?
A stinkasaurus. - What kind of phone does an animal crossing character have A nookia
- One I made up..... What do you call a cross between a dog and a turtle?
A cross. The animals around it have no effect on its name duh. - What do you get if you cross a skunk and a balloon?
A creature that stinks to high heaven. - What do you get when you cross an elephant and a fish? Two very unhappy animals.
- Q: What do you get if you cross a bear with a toilet?
A: Winnie the Pooh. - Why do millennials love Animal Crossing? Because it allows them to fulfil the dream of buying a house.
Humorous Animal Jokes to Bring Fun and Laughter to Your Life
What funny jokes about animal you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean unicorn jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make animal pranks.
What did the mother turkey say to her disobedient children?
If your father could see you now, he'd turn over in his gravy!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Panda and a p**...
A panda spent the night in bed with a p**.... The following morning as he is about ready to leave, the p**... yells after him, "Hey, aren't you going to pay me?"
The panda appears confused, so she throws a dictionary at him and tells him to look up p**....'
The definition reads: 'A woman who engages in promiscuous s**... activity for pay. '
The panda throws the dictionary back at the p**... and tells her to look up 'panda.'
The definition reads: 'An animal that eats bushes, shoots, and leaves'
What's something a kangaroo has that no other animal has?
Baby kangaroos.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Guy can tell how any animal was killed
Guy walks into a bar and says: While I am blindfolded, I can feel the pelt of any animal and tell you how it was killed.
People start betting, the guy is blindfolded and given the first pelt (this bar has them for some reason).
the man holds the pelt and fingers the bullet hole, then says: this is a polar bear and it was killed .30-06! He is correct!
the next pelt is handed to him. He feels it and finds the bullet hole. then he says: This is a muskrat and it was killed by a .22! He is correct! Everyone cheers, beers are bought and a good time is had by all.
the next morning, the man wakes up in his own bed next to his wife but he now has a black eye and a headache. He wakes his wife and asks what happened with his new shiner. she says that she gave it to him. he asks why. well, she says, last night you came home drunk, and stuck your hand down my pants. then you yelled in my ear: **SKUNK, KILLED BY AX.**
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are lost in the wilderness...
...and they become very excited when they come across tracks. As they are following the tracks, the three of them take a guess on what animal could have possibly left them.
"Obviously, it must have been a horse," said the Blonde.
"No no no, we're in the forest, it must have been a deer," said the Brunette.
"You're both idiots. Obviously it's a dog!" said the Redhead.
They debated until the train came and hit them.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How do you bid farewell to a s**... open Arctic animal with a mental disorder.
"Bye bye bi bipolar polar bear!"
The zoo
A man was walking around town when he noticed a billboard advertising the new zoo in town. He'd been hearing all about it, and since he had nothing better to do that day, he decided to check it out. Much to the man's surprise, when he got there, the only animal there was a single dog. It was a Shitzu.
What grows when you squeeze it, explodes if you rub it too hard, and children love it?
A balloon animal!
A guy found his dog lying in a puddle of blood behind his house
He rang the number for the emergency animal rescue.
'Is it moving?' they asked.
'Yes', he replied. 'It's quite emotional.'
What kind of animal lives in a triangle
Hippotenuse
What do animal poachers do in their spare time?
They go clubbing.
A Rabbi, a Priest, and a Pastor make a bet.
They say, "Whoever goes into the woods and converts the most dangerous animal, wins". So a week goes by and they all return. The Pastor comes back with a rattlesnake and says "He goes to church every week!". The priest comes back with cougar and says "His first he's getting confirmed next month!". The Rabbi comes back in a full body cast and says " You know, I probably shouldn't have tried to circumcise a bear."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A donkey had an IQ of 186.
He had no friends at all though. Because even in the animal kingdom, nobody likes a smart-a**....
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I used to be in an animal rights group...
But that was before i s**... the pooch.
Girls say I'm an animal in bed.
More specifically a koala. I can sleep for 22 hours in a row.
An elephant escaped from the circus...
...and ended up in a little old lady's back garden. The lady had never seen an elephant before, so she rang the police.
"Please come quickly," she said to the policeman who answered the phone. "There's a strange looking animal in my garden picking up cabbages with its tail."
"What's it doing with them?" asked the policeman.
"If I told you," said the old lady, "you'd never beleive me!"
There are 500 bricks on a plane...
- There are 500 bricks on a plane. One falls off. How many are left?
499
- What are the three steps to putting an elephant in a refrigerator?
Open fridge, put elephant in, close fridge
- What are the four steps to putting a giraffe in a refrigerator?
Open fridge, take elephant out, put giraffe in, close fridge
- The Lion king is having a birthday party. All the animals attend but one. Which animal is it and why?
Giraffe. He's stuck in a refrigerator.
- Sally wants to cross an alligator infested river. There is no bridge and the only way she can get across is by swimming. She swims across and makes it to the other side safely. Why?
The alligators are all at the birthday party.
- Sally dies anyways. Why?
She got hit in the head by a flying brick
Rules for wearing animal print yoga pants:
1. Weigh less than the animals they represent
2.
3.
A woman walking down the city sidewalk with an adult lion is confronted by a police officer
He: "Lady, you must take that animal directly to the zoo!"
She: "I will do that right away, officer."
The next day, the officer is exasperated to see her and the lion walking down the sidewalk again.
He: "I told you to get that animal to the zoo!"
She: "That was yesterday. Today we are going to the beach."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Genius
A proud and confident genius makes a bet with an idiot. The genius says, "Hey idiot, every question I ask you that you don't know the answer, you have to give me $5. And if you ask me a question and I can't answer yours I will give you $5,000." The idiot says, "Okay." The genius then asks, "How many continents are there in the world?" The idiot doesn't know and hands over the $5. The idiot says, "Now me ask: what animal stands with two legs but sleeps with three?" The genius tries and searches very hard for the answer but gives up and hands over the $5000. The genius says, "Dang it, I lost. By the way, what was the answer to your question?" The idiot hands over $5.
A man is walking through the woods...
when he come across a suitcase. Inside the suitcase he finds a fox and her cubs. He dials animal control to report his discovery. The woman on the other end exclaims, "That's horrible... are they moving? The man responds, "I don't know but that would explain the suitcase"
Why couldn't Moses adopt a kitten from the animal shelter?
Because the shelter was non prophet.
What animal has more lives than a cat?
A frog...because it croaks every night
Animals can sense disasters before they happen.
That's why the neighbors dog barks whenever I make a move on a girl.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call a balloon animal made out of a c**...?
A t**... horse.
which is the most negative animal in the barnyard?
the horse, because its a naysayer.
THERAPIST: What's the problem with your marriage? WIFE: He replaces words with animal names just to annoy me
ME: I don't do it on porpoise
What if animals "were" injured in the making of a film. Do they list that in the credits?
Tim hurt one monkey. He is very sorry.
A woman was trying on her new fur coat.
Her teenage daughter walked up to her and said.
"Mother, do you realize that this coat is the result of the suffering of a poor, defenseless animal?"
The woman looked strictly at her daughter.
"Young lady, don't you dare talk about your father like that."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Your momma so s**......
...her spirit animal is the s**....
A British girl meets a guy...
And they hit it off immediately. The girl goes to her dad the next day to tell him about it.
"Oh, dad, he's just the sweetest! He loves dancing and photography, he's great with kids, and he volunteers at an animal shelter. He's funny, handsome, a great listener, oh! and he's a goalie for a local football team. Oh dad, what do you think?"
Her dad looked at her with an odd expression and said "Oh honey...
... *he's a keeper*"
What animal spins around about 200 times after it dies?
A rotisserie chicken
Joey gives Mary 1 stuffed animal and 2 flowers.
Joey gives Mary 1 stuffed animal and 2 flowers. Emma gives Mary 3 flowers and 2 stuffed animals. Sam gives Mary 2 stuffed animals and 1 flower. What does Mary have?
Cancer. Mary has cancer.
I was amazed
As I get older, I never stop learning new things every day. I'm a new dad and the other day I was changing my baby when all of a sudden my kid rolls off of the changing table. As if animal instincts kicked into me in that split moment, or super powers of sorts, I swoop down with lightning speed and catch him INCHES off of the ground! Still to this day I'm amazed; I had no idea babies could bounce that high off of marbled flooring.
Mother and son in Grocery store.
A mother and her young son returned from the grocery store and began putting away the groceries. The boy opened the box of animal crackers and spread them all over the table.
"What are you doing?" his mother asked.
"The box says you can't eat them if the seal is broken," the boy explained.
"I'm looking for the seal." - collected
In 1939, an unusual farm animal named Gertrude became the first cow to climb to the peak of Everest carrying gear for the climbers, setting a world record that still stands unbroken.
Since then, the steaks have never been higher.
They found a cat on mars...
A live cat was found roaming the surface of Mars. Scientists planned to have the Mars Rover capture the animal to study it but unfortunately while attempting to capture the feline, Curiosity killed the cat.
Three blondes are walking through the forest when they come across a set of tracks.
The first blonde says, "Hey, look at that, deer tracks!"
The second blonde chimes in and responds, "No, Becky, those are moose tracks!"
The third blonde steps in and says, "You two are both wrong, those are obviously elk tracks!"
The three blondes kept arguing about what animal left the tracks until they were eventually hit by a train.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What's an i**... lover's favorite animal?
Aunt-eater.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
"Okay Fred, Shaggy and Daphne, can you name an animal that lives in Africa and has a large horn on its face?"
"Rhino!"
"We know you know the answer, s**..., but it's not your turn."
A professor makes a bet with a student
A professor makes a bet with a student. Every question the professor asks that the student can't answer the student will owe him $1, every question the student asks that the professor can't answer he owes the student $100.
Professor: What element has the atomic number 45?
The student having no idea hands the professor $1.
Student: What animal walks on 2 legs, sleeps on 4 legs, and runs on 3 legs?
The professor is stumped, so he gives the student $100.
Professor: Ok you win, but on earth was the answer to your question?
The student gives the professor $1 and goes home.
I'm like a wild animal in bed.
More afraid of you than you are of me.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
So Velma and Shaggy, your in the final round and this is the £10000 question, name a animal that has a single horn
"RHINO!"
Yes s**... Doo, I know you know but you were knocked out in the last round.
I phoned the animal shelter today
and said "I've found six kittens in a suitcase in the woods." They said ", are they moving?"
I replied "I don't know but that would explain the suitcase."
The teacher tells little Jack, "I'm going to describe an animal and you have to guess what it is."
"It lives on a farm and gives milk"
"A cow?"
"That's correct too, but I meant a goat. What lives on a farm, has feathers and lays eggs?"
"A chicken"
"That's correct too but I meant a duck."
Little Jack, getting annoyed, asks the teacher: "What goes into your mouth hard, and comes out soft and wet?"
The teacher starts blushing.
"That's correct too but I meant chewing gum."
Zoology Tip
You can distinguish an alligator from a crocodile by paying attention to whether the animal sees you later or in a while.
*Fantastic Ocean Life Facts* The Blue Whale is by far the world's largest animal...
...it's so big in fact that if you laid it out on a basketball court, the game would be over and the whale would die.
If an animal was little, blue and had leaves coming out of it you'd think it's odd
But if it was a Pokemon, you'd think it's just Oddish.
Did you know they tested the Mars rover against animal attacks?
They had to switch to dogs because Curiosity killed the cat.
Did you ever wonder...
how many animals our ancestors had to sit on before they learned that horses were the most capable?
What kind of aquatic animal thinks you did a good job?
The seal of approval.
Albert Einstein challenged Mr. Bean
Einstein said to Mr. Bean: "I'll ask you a question.If you can't answer correctly, you'll give me one dollar. Then you ask me a question. If I can't answer correctly, I'll give you 1000 dollars.
Einstein: asks a question.
Mr. Bean after a little while: gives Einstein one dollar.
Einstein says: Okay, it's your turn.
Mr. Bean asks: What's an animal that has four legs, but when it's crossing a street, it has three legs and when it's on the other side of the street, it has only two?
Einstein: Thinks hard for a while.
Einstein says: I give up. *Gives 1000 dollars to Mr. Bean*
Einstein asks: What is it?
Mr. Bean: gives a dollar to Einstein.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A panda spent the night in bed with a p**...
The following morning as he is about ready to leave, the p**... yells after him, "Hey, aren't you going to pay me?"
The panda appears confused, so she throws a dictionary at him and tells him to look up p**....' The definition reads: 'A woman who engages in promiscuous s**... activity for pay. '
The panda throws the dictionary back at the p**... and tells her to look up 'panda.'
The definition reads: 'An animal that eats bushes, shoots, and leaves.'
A man enters an animal shop, and sees a parrot with ropes tied to each of it's legs...
The man asks the shopkeeper about the parrot and the shopkeeper replies:
- If you pull the right leg rope, he's gonna greet you in French, and if you pull the left leg rope, he'll greet you in German
- And what about, if i pull both simultaneously? - asks the man.
- Well, he...
Suddenly the parrot interrupts him:
- I will fall down, you idiot!
A zoo's only gorilla dies...
so the zookeeper hires an actor to wear a gorilla costume until the zoo can get another one.
In the gorilla pen the actor makes faces, beats his chest, swings around, and soon draws a huge crowd. Encouraged, he then crawls atop a beam across the lion's enclosure, taunting the animal below. But, in horror, he lost his grip, falling into the lion's cage.
Terrified, the actor shouts, Help! Help me! Too late. The lion pounces, opens its massive jaws, and whispers urgently, Shut up! Do you want to get us both fired?!
I bought a pack of those animal shaped biscuits,
but had to take them back as the seal was broken...
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A teacher was teaching her class about whales.
She said that it was physically impossible for a whale to s**... a human being as even though it was a gigantic animal, its stomach was very small. A little girl put up her hand and said that Jonah was swallowed by a whale. Irritated, the teacher insisted that a whale couldn't possibly s**... a human. The little girl said, When I get to Heaven, I'll ask Jonah.
The teacher replied, What if Jonah went to h**...?
The girl said: Then you ask him.
What's a Robots favorite animal?
A cowculator.
From my 7 year old.
Three blondes are on a walk
While on this walk, they come across an interesting set of tracks. Taking interest in it, each of the girls have a guess as to what animal it could be.
The first blond said "I bet those are bear tracks", to which the other two scoff and say there were no bears around.
The second blond says "they might be raccoon tracks", but the others point out they have never seen raccoon tracks that big before.
The third one, joking, says "I bet those are elephant footprints" and they have a good laugh about it.
Then the train hit them.
How is a joke like an animal?
When you dissect it, it dies.
Get it? Because just like when you take apart an animal to see how it works, it obviously can't be alive anymore, by the same logic, picking apart the inner workings of a joke by over-explaining the punchline is going to kill the humorous spirit it carries; it would be ridiculous to expect a cat with its stomach contents spread out across a table to get up and catch a rat, and it would be similarly unfathomable to expect a joke with its punchline spelled out over a dozen lines of text to still produce a guffaw. How anyone...
If animal organs were compatible with humans...
Your dog would offer you his kidney even if he only had one that worked.
Your cat would show up one morning with 37 kidneys in a sack and tell you to pick one.
I saw a car with a bumper sticker saying "I am a vet, therefore I can drive like an animal."
Suddenly, I realized how many proctologists there are on the roads.
What's the only animal unaffected by climate change?
Egyptian Crocodiles.
Because they live in the Nile.
My ex told me her spiritual animal was the tiger...
but it turned out it was the cheetah.
Three archaeologists met in a seminar.
The British said: we dug very deep and found sculpted animal bones. This proves that my ancestors invented art.
The German said: we dug very deep and found a plate-size disk showing the solar system. This proves that my ancestors invented astronomy.
The Italian said: we dug very deep and didn't find any wires. This proves that my ancestors invented wifi communication.
Animals in the jungle played hide and seek, and always…
the leopard was spotted!
A man was walking through the desert and passed a group of vultures feasting on a dead animal.
The vultures stopped eating and looked at him, obviously disturbed.
The man casually commented "Carrion."
Chillin'
While you are reading jokes on reddit, I am sitting here in a chair that costs $2,000, hugging a stuffed animal that costs $150 and watching the Ant Man Quantumania movie on a 100" full HD 8k TV that costs $8,000 and nothing bothers me, not even the look of the furniture store employees who apparently want me to leave the store.
