Animal Farm Jokes

69 animal farm jokes and hilarious animal farm puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about animal farm that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Funniest Animal Farm Short Jokes

Short animal farm jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The animal farm humour may include short farm animal jokes also.

  1. If Snapchat has taught me anything .... .... it's that a lot of today's teens look better as farm animals.
  2. I tried to collect some wool and milk from my farm and the animals went crazy. It was shear and udder panic.
  3. Recent research shows that horses tend to have much better mental health than other farm animals Due to their stable environment
  4. Whats the difference between a chicken and a turkey a chicken is a common farm animal
    and a turkey commits genocide against armenians.
  5. I got spit on by a farm animal and thought it was the end of the world. It was just the alpaca lips.
  6. Tyson Chicken Factory Farm Caught On Hidden Camera Torturing And Neglecting Animals I guess they were caught choking the chicken?
  7. Did you hear about the deal between the animals of Animal Farm and Farmer Jones? They agreed to a farmistice.
  8. What's the difference between a singer and a farm animal that wants plastic surgery? One's Iggy Pop. The other's piggy op.
  9. All the other animals on the farm accused the horse of being too negative. After all, he is a neigh sayer
  10. "I can't decide whether to buy a bicycle or a cow for my farm."
    "Well, wouldn't you look silly riding a cow?"
    "I d look a darn sight sillier trying to milk a bicycle!"

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Animal Farm One Liners

Which animal farm one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with animal farm? I can suggest the ones about kids farm and animal zoo.

  1. People who drug their farm animals should get off their high horse.
  2. What are the two sexiest farm animals? Brown chicken brown cow.
  3. Where do farm animals get their groceries? The pharmacy.
  4. What type of math can farm animals do? Cowculus
  5. Soviets are vegans They have no animal farms.
  6. What's the smartest animal on the farm? The farmer
    (this killed my 12yo brothers)
  7. What farm animal makes the best cook? Pigs. They are always bakin'
  8. What do you call a promiscuous farm animal A Horse
  9. What's the most smelly animal on the farm? The Toilet Duck.
  10. China banning animal farm sounds ironic
  11. Which two animals are the coolest on the farm? Brown-chicken brown-cow
  12. Did you hear about the farm that got taken over by animals? I herd it was a mootiny
  13. I was chewing on a copy of Animal Farm the other day... I enjoy biting satire
  14. What do you call a farm animal that gets hurt? A Cow!
  15. What is Biz Markies favorite farm animal? Ewe, ewe got what I neeeeeed.

Animal Farm Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.

What funny jokes about animal farm you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean farm equipment jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make animal farm pranks.

There are five cows on a farm, one mamma cow and four baby calves.

The first baby walks up to the mom and asks, "Momma, why is my name Rose?" The mommy cow replies, "Well honey, a rose petal fell on your head when you were born." The next calf comes up and asks, "Momma, why is my name Lily?" The mother replies, "Because honey, a lily petal fell on your head when you were born." The third baby comes up and asks, "Momma, why is my name Daisy?" The momma cow again replieds" Well, when you were born a daisy petal fell on your head." The final baby walks over and says, "Duh huh guh nuh!" The momma cow says, "Shut up, Cinderblock."

Q: How does a cow sneak off a farm?
A: Right pasteurize.

A blonde desserts her home town out of shame, and colors her hair brown.

She drives past a farm and sees all the sheep.
She goes up to the farmer and ask, "If I guess how many sheep you have can I have one?"
The farmer nodded. She continued. "159" The farmer is surprised. "How did you know?"
"Lucky guess" She grabs one and gets in her car.
The farmer comes up and says, "If I can guess your real hair color can I get my dog back?"

There was once a man from the city who was visiting a small farm, and during this visit he saw a farmer feeding pigs in a most extraordinary manner.
The farmer would lift a pig up to a nearby apple tree, and the pig would eat the apples off the tree directly.
The farmer would move the pig from one apple to another until the pig was satisfied, then he would start again with another pig.
The city man watched this activity for some time with great astonishment.
Finally, he could not resist saying to the farmer, “This is the most inefficient method of feeding pigs that I can imagine. Just think of the time that would be saved if you simply shook the apples off the tree and let the pigs eat them from the ground!”
The farmer looked puzzled and replied, “What’s time to a pig?”

A farmer and a son live on a farm.
The farmer is sitting in the kitchen when his son comes in from the barn with a large glass of white liquid.
He is so excited because he's just milked a cow.
Then he takes a big drink from the glass.
His father just stares at him.
"Son, we don't have a cow. We have a bull."

A tourist on a farm asked the farmer why one pig had a wooden leg.

The farmer said, "That pig is the bravest pig I ever saw."
"So why does he have a wooden leg?" the tourist asked.
"One night, our house caught on fire, and he came inside and woke us all up."
The tourist asked again, "So, why does that pig have a wooden leg?"
"You can't eat a pig that brave all at once!"

Why couldn't the cow leave the farm?
She was pasteurized.

One day a traveling salesman was driving down a back country road at about 30 mph when he noticed that there was a three-legged chicken running alongside his car.
He stepped on the gas but at 50 miles per hour.
The chicken was still keeping up.
After about a mile of running the chicken ran up a farm lane and into a barn behind an old farm house.
The salesman had some time to kill so he turned around and drove up the farm lane.
He knocked at the door and when the farmer answered he told him what he had just seen.
The farmer said that he was a geneticist and had developed this breed of chicken because he, his wife and his son each like a drumstick when they have chicken and this way they only have to kill one chicken.
"That"s the most fantastic thing I've ever heard," said the salesman.
"How do they taste?"
"I don't know," said the farmer.
"We've never caught one."

A group of Americans were traveling by tour bus through Holland.

As they stopped at a cheese farm, a young guide led them through the process of cheese making, explaining that goat's milk was used.
She showed the group a lively hillside where many goats were grazing.
"These," she explained, "are the older goats put out to pasture when they no longer produce."
She then asked, "What do you do in America with your old goats?"
A spry old gentleman answered, "They send us on bus tours!"

Animal puns.

Animal puns are not funny in any neigh, sheep or farm.

Why did the single man buy a farm animal and name it relation?

So he could have a relation-sheep

Meet your newest employee. My salary shall be 5000 bucks.

(TKZS = a state-run c**... collective farm.)
A man walks in the TKZS' boss office and says: "Meet your newest employee. My salary shall be 5000 bucks."
The boss laughs straight at his face: "Comrade, the average salary here is 150 bucks. I don't make 500. Why would I pay you 5000?"
„Cuz I can talk to animals. Don't believe me? Let's walk around the farm.
They reach the cow, she says "Moo!" and boss asks cockily "What'd she say?"
„She said she gives 30 litres of milk daily. She also says you and the mayor split 10 litres between you and book only 20. The boss looks a bit worried now and says „Come with me, I wanna show you the pigsty. They get there, the sow says „Oink! and boss waits for our guy's answer.
„Piggy says she gave birth to 6 piglets, but you and the mayor got one each, and booked only 4.
TKZS boss sizes up our guy and then says „Welcome aboard, let's go sign the papers.
They make their way to the office building and while they pass the goat, the goat goes „Meeh!
Boss says „Don't listen to her. Me and the mayor were a bit drunk.

3 guys are lost and stumble upon a farm.

There was a indian, a jew, and a mexican. They asked if they could sleep there for the night. The man says "sure but one of you will have to sleep in the barn" the indian says "it is fine I will sleep in the barn" about a minute later there's a knock on the door, it's the Indian and he says "im sorry but I can not sleep in the barn there is a cow and it is a sacred animal" so the jew says "its fine I can sleep in the barn" about a minute later there's a knock on the door, its the jew. He says "im sorry but I can't sleep in the barn, there's a pig and it's not Kosher" so the mexican says " it is okay, I will sleep in the barn" about a minute later there's a knock on the door. It's the donkey.

3 Vampires join a blood-s**... competition..

Whoever is able to drink the most blood in the fastest time, would be declared the winner.
The 1st Vampire runs down the hill and comes back a minute afterwards. He points down the hill and said: "You guys see that village over there? I drank all of the people blood there!"
The 2nd Vampire runs down the hill and comes back in 30 seconds. He points down the hill and said: "You guys see that farm over there? I drank all of the animals and humans blood there!"
The 3rd Vampire runs down the hill and comes back in less than 5 seconds! His face is covered in blood and he seems out of breath. The other 2 vampires are shocked with this view. The 3rd Vampire said: "You see that telephone post?? I didn't...."

Two men were being led to the gallows in the public square...

The square was packed with people, wagons, vendor's stalls, children and farm animals.
Suddenly, a large bull bellowed loudly and broke loose from it's enclosure. It began rampaging through the crowd, knocking over stalls, running down people, goring anyone who got in it's way. People started screaming and stampeding everywhere.
One of the condemned men turned to the other and said, "I say - it's a good thing we're not down there, eh?"

A farmer caught in his farm vomiting animals (Very funny video)

What did the animal killer scream as he attacked the alpaca farm in Tibet?


Two men are walking through the forest when they stumble upon a large sinkhole.

Guy says, "Woah! This thing looks deep; how deep down do you think it goes?" The two men search around for a long stick or branch to assess the depth, but find nothing of use. They continue their search and they stumble across an old, rusty anvil; and naturally, they haul the anvil over and toss it into the hole. They wait and wait, but they don't hear anything happen. Suddenly, a donkey comes running full speed ahead and just leaps into the sinkhole. The two men are shocked, "Did you see that donkey!? I've never seen an animal sprint like that!" Minutes later, a farmer comes sprinting into the scene and says, "Guys! Have you seen my donkey? He was just on the farm and completely took off!" One of the men answers back, "He was just here! He came sprinting through the woods and took a leap into this sink hole!" The farmer answers back, "No, that's absolutely impossible. He was tied to an anvil."

In 1939, an unusual farm animal named Gertrude became the first cow to climb to the peak of Everest carrying gear for the climbers, setting a world record that still stands unbroken.

Since then, the steaks have never been higher.

A teacher was quizzing Johnny on farm animals

Teacher: "Johnny, what does the chicken give you?"
Johnny: "Meat!"
Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?"
Johnny: "Bacon!"
Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?"
Johnny: "Homework!"

The teacher tells little Jack, "I'm going to describe an animal and you have to guess what it is."

"It lives on a farm and gives milk"
"A cow?"
"That's correct too, but I meant a goat. What lives on a farm, has feathers and lays eggs?"
"A chicken"
"That's correct too but I meant a duck."
Little Jack, getting annoyed, asks the teacher: "What goes into your mouth hard, and comes out soft and wet?"
The teacher starts blushing.
"That's correct too but I meant chewing gum."

How do farm animals enter a hospital?

Through the check in

Irish animal rights activists have broken into a turkey farm.

They say they are going to release thousands of turkeys into the wild...
as soon as they've defrosted

The most addictive thing aren't Games, Drugs or Anime it's

Farming karma for bragging rights

What kind of animals live on the s**... farm?


Everybody g**... till

Animal crossing becomes animal farm

The farmer, the hired hand, and the pig

A farmer hired a mentally challenged youth to perform tasks around the farm. The young man excelled at the tasks he was given and soon earned the farmer's trust.
One day the farmer told him to take the truck and go to town and buy some feed for the animals. He told him that If he had any problems to give him a call.
The young man soon called and said, " I hit a pig with the truck, what should I do?" The farmer said, "Take the shotgun off the gun rack in the truck, put the pig out of its misery, and toss it off in the ditch."
The young man called back and said, "Okay, now what do I do with his bike?"

A redhead, a brunette and a blonde are escaping prison...

They come across a farm and decide to hide among the animals in a desperate attempt to conceal themselves.
The police show up and find the redhead within the chicken coop. Squawk, c**...-a-doodle-do, she cries.
Next, they find the brunette hiding among the cows in their pens. Moo! She lows, and is caught as well.
Last they find the Blonde. She happens to be disguised in the potato patch. She yells PO-TAY-TOE with a very convincing face.

A blonde is walking past a pasture

Being curious about various farm animals and seeing a farmer nearby she asks him "How come those cows don't have horns? I thought cows have horns." Farmer, happy to explain the situation to polite woman nods and says "You see miss, we often remove horns from cows. That way they don't get into accidents, don't hurt each other, don't get tangled into branches or fences or simialr. We do that by either sawing them off of putting a drop of acid on the horns when they are still young so they don't grow. But those particular cows don't have horns because they are horses."