Anim Jokes

Following is our collection of teacher humor and health one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. They include Anim puns for adults, dirty cat jokes or clean knock knock animal gags for kids.

There is an abundance of elephant jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 70 funniest jokes on anim. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any animal football witze you can hear about anim.

The Best jokes about Anim

How many animals can jump higher than a skyscraper?

All of them, skyscrapers can't jump.

Where do animals go when their tails fall off?

Retail store. I know I'm lame.

What animal has exactly 12 grams of carbon?

A mole

Animals: Winter is here, we need a plan to survive.

Goose: Wanna hear migrate idea?

What's the best dance to do on Thanksgiving?

The turkey trot.


What did the mother turkey say to her disobedient children?

If your father could see you now, he'd turn over in his gravy!

How many Anime characters does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only 1, but it takes them 15 episodes to do it.

As the animals left the ark, Noah told them to go forth and multiply. After some time, he came upon two snakes who were just lying there sunning themselves...

So Noah asked them, Why aren't you multiplying?

The snakes replied, We can't, we're adders.

Animals can sense disasters before they happen.

That's why the neighbors dog barks whenever I make a move on a girl.

Where do animals go when they lose their tails?

The retail store

what animal takes up the most land?

a groundhog.


Did you ever wonder...

how many animals our ancestors had to sit on before they learned that horses were the most capable?

What animal has two gray feet and two brown feet?

An elephant with diarrhea.

If an animal was little, blue and had leaves coming out of it you'd think it's odd

But if it was a Pokemon, you'd think it's just Oddish.

The animator had a birthday party.

Everyone brought gifs.

What animal has more lives than a cat?

A frog...because it croaks every night

I used to be in an animal rights group...

But that was before i screwed the pooch.

What animal spins around about 200 times after it dies?

A rotisserie chicken

What do animal poachers do in their spare time?

They go clubbing.


What if animals "were" injured in the making of a film. Do they list that in the credits?

Tim hurt one monkey. He is very sorry.

An animal lover talks to a turk

He asks the turk:"May I talk to your horse?"

"Horse not talk", he replies.

The animal lover asks the horse : "Hello horse how are you doing do you have enough food?"

"I'm doing fine and there is more than enough food too."

The animal lover asks the turk : "May I talk to your dog?"

"Dog not talk", he replies.

The animal lover now next to the dog asks him: "Hello Dog are you alright?'

"I can't complain, I have a warm place to sleep" he replies

The animal lover asks the turk : "May I talk to your goat?"

The turk slowly realising the ability the animal lover has answers:"Goat lies"

Where does an animal that lost its tail go?

To the retail store.

What animal has four legs and one arm?

A pit bull on a playground.

Animal Crackers

Please do not eat if the seal is broken.

What animal can be found in the unemployment line?

The poorqueuepine.

An animal rights advocate got really upset with me after I told them that I wash my dog with my own shampoo instead of pet shampoo...

...I reassured her that it had already been tested on animals.

Animals getting frisky

A father and son are standing on a hill looking out over a plain. Seeing a pair of animals getting intimate, the son turns to his father and says "Dad, why is that buffalo getting on top of another boy buffalo? Is it gay?"

The father turns to the son to admonish him.

"You shouldn't be judgemental of another person or animal for the sexuality!"

While he says this, the same buffalo mounts a female.

"Anyway, it's bison."

Animals missing legs.

What do you call a dog with no legs?

It Doesn't matter, it is not going to come anyways.

What do you do with a dog with no legs?

Take him for a drag.

What do you call a cat with no legs?

General Tso's chicken

What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground beef

What do you call a cow with no front legs?

Lean beef

So all the animals gathered and having a party,

Everybody is drinking and talking and having a good time,
suddenly a chameleon get to the middle of the room, say "check this out" and start changing color of his skin for a minute straight.
Once he done he say "Lets see any of you do the same".
Suddenly octopus appear from the crowd and says:
hold my beer, hold my beer, hold my beer, hold my beer, hold my beer, hold my beer, hold my beer, hold my beer.

What's the only animal that can't get hit in the head?

Duck.

What animal has five legs?

A pitbull returning from a playground.

3 Animals Feast

A duck, a skunk, and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night. When it came time to pay;
The skunk didn't have a scent,
The deer didn't have a buck,
So they put the meal on the duck's bill

Animals in Australia

There are 2 kinds of animals in Australia:

* Those that want to eat you
* Sheeps

How do snails get their shells all shiny?
They use snail polish.

What is the only animal with a c*nt halfway up its back?

A police horse.

I wonder why animals have only two genders.

Probably because they don't use social media.

What animal satisfies it's females until they are so pleased they can take no more?

Macaque

Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
faces like yours
belong in a zoo.


Don't worry I'll be there too,
not in the cage,
but laughing at you.

You know the animal that kills the most people in the world?

The Hepatitis Bee

Why do animals make boring storytellers?

They only have one tail.

An animal with big antlers jumped into my car and drove it off...

I mistook it for a reindeer, then realized it was just a commandeer.

which animal has the smallest genitals?

a peacock...

What is a cow's favorite lunch meat?
Bullogna.

Why did the turtle cross the road? To get to the shell station!

Animal Crackers

A woman's daughter kept begging for a box of animal crackers at the grocery store. The mother finally caved in and bought them.

Later, at home, the mother saw her daughter meticulously going through all the crackers.

"What're you doing?" asked the mother.

"The box says not to eat if the seal is broken! So I'm trying to find the seal to make sure it's not broken."

What animal rotates at least 200 times after it dies?

A rotisserie chicken.

What does an anime firetruck sound like?

owo owo owo owo owo owo owo

What animal can only survive in temperate climates?

A lukeworm.

Q: How do you capture a polar bear? A: You dig a hole in the snow and set peas around it.

When the bear comes to take a pea you kick it in the ice hole

All of the animals went on a picnic and they discovered they forgot the salt. The animals sent the turtle to get them the salt. After 3 days of waiting, the animals decided to start eating

And then the turtle jumps from the bush and says:"Aha! I knew you wouldn't wait for me"

Which animal is not faithful in a relationship?

Cheetah

How did cows feel when the branding iron was invented?
They were very impressed.

Tennis would be way more exciting if they used dogs for ball boys.

Which are the best animals at football?

A score-pion

What do you call a dog on the beach in the Summer? A hot dog!

What do cows like to do at amoosement parks?
Ride on the roller cowster.

Go to the animal shelter for a dog and you're a saint

Go to the woman's shelter for a new girlfriend d and everyone looses their minds

What do you get if you cross a skunk and a dinosaur?
A stinkasaurus.

What is a snowman's least favorite yoga position? Downward-facing dog pee.

Name an animal that begins with "E"

The class teacher asks students to name an animal that begins with an E . One boy says, Elephant. Then the teacher asks for an animal that begins with a T . The same boy says, Two elephants. The teacher sends the boy out of the class for bad behavior. After that she asks for an animal beginning with M .The boy shouts from the other side of the wall: Maybe an elephant!

I think my anime jigsaw puzzle was too simple. It was...

...One Piece

Why did the duck go to rehab? Because he was a quack addict!

What did the animal say when it was told to leave the zoo?

Fine! Alpaca my bags.

Why do some animals eat with their tail?

Because they can't take it off when they eat.

What animal is prone to both manic and depressive episodes?

A bipolar bear.

Where do frogs deposit their money? In a river bank.

Can I borrow your cellphone? I need to call animal control cause I just saw a fox!

Most animals don't like gore.

But leeches are suckers for blood.

What do cows do when they re introduced?
They give each other a milk shake.

What is an astronaut's favorite key on a keyboard? Space!

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

Joko Jokes