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Angus Jokes

28 angus jokes and hilarious angus puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about angus that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Angus Jokes -- A collection of funny jokes and anecdotes about the Angus cow, Laddie, and the city of Glasgow. Whether you are looking for a good story to tell your friends or chuckle at over a pint of beer, these Angus cow jokes will have you laughing out loud. Be sure to keep your coat on in the cloakroom!

Funniest Angus Short Jokes

Short angus jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The angus humour may include short aye jokes also.

  1. A teacher asks her class what their favourite letter is A student puts up his hand and says 'G'. The teacher walks over to him and says, "Why is that, Angus"
  2. A teacher asks her class what their favourite letter is. One student replies "G"
    "Why's that Angus?"
  3. What is your favourite alphabet? A teacher asks her class what their favourite letter is. A student puts up his hand and says 'G'. The teacher walks over to him and says, "Why is that, Angus?"
  4. Teacher: "What's everyone's favorite letter?" Student: "The letter G!"
    Teacher: "Why is that, Angus?"
  5. A teacher asked her class what their favorite letter was. A student raised his hand and said "g"
    Why is that Angus??

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Angus One Liners

Which angus one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with angus? I can suggest the ones about plan and .

  1. What do you call a Scotsman who works in a cloakroom? Angus McCoatup
  2. It's hard when you work at Black Angus Your whole reputation is at steak.
  3. What was the name of the Mongolian warlord's favorite cow? Angus Khan
  4. What was the grumpy man's favourite food? Angus Burger.
  5. McDonald's beefburger sales set to double in Q2 2018 My Angus is ready.
  6. The waiter asked if I wanted any salt for my steak... I told him to pepper my angus ;)
  7. What do you call a Scottish cloakroom attendant? Angus McCoatup
  8. What did the gay cow say just before s**...? STICK IT IN MY ANGUS

Angus joke, What did the gay cow say just before s**...?

Quirky and Hilarious Angus Jokes to Let the Chuckles Begin.

What funny jokes about angus you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make angus pranks.

Three expatriates are drinking in a NY City bar

.
 "As good as this is," said the Scotsman, "I still prefer the pubs back home. In Glasgow, there's a wee place called McTavish's. The landlord goes out of his way for the locals. When you buy four drinks, he'll buy the fifth.
"Well, Angus," said the Englishman, "at my local pub in London, the Red Lion, the barman will buy you your third drink after you buy the first two."
"Ahhh, dat's nothin'," said the Irishman, "back home in my favorite pub, the moment you set foot in the place, they'll buy you a drink, then another, all the drinks you like, actually. Then, when you've had enough drinks, they'll take you upstairs and see dat you gets laid, all on the house!"
The Englishman and Scotsman were suspicious of the claims.
The Irishman swore every word was true.
"Did this actually happen to you?" they asked.
"No not meself, personally, no," admitted the Irishman,
"but it did happen to me sister quite a few times."

Irish pubs are the best

As good as this bar is," said the Scotsman, "I still prefer the pubs back home. In Glasgow, there's a wee place called McTavish's. The landlord goes out of his way for the locals. When you buy four drinks, he'll buy the fifth drink."

"Well, Angus," said the Englishman, "At my local in London, the Red Lion, the barman will buy you your third drink after you buy the first two."

"Ahhh, dat's nothin'," said the Irishman, "back home in Cork at my favourite pub, the moment you set foot in the place, they'll buy you a drink, then another, all the drinks you like. Then, when you've had enough drinks, they'll take you upstairs and see dat you gets laid, all on the house!"

The Englishman and Scotsman were suspicious of these claims. The Irishman swore every word was true, but they asked, "Did this actually happen to you?"

"Not meself, personally, no," admitted the Irishman, "but it did happen to me sister quite a few times

I go into a bar in scotland

The bartender looks rather angry so I go up to him and ask what's up
He says 'you see that bridge over there' pointing outside. I built that. But do they call me Angus the bridge builder. Nooo.
'You see this bar. I built it. Do they call me Angus the bar builder. No.'
'But ye get caught with one goat..."

I recently spent $6,500 on a young registered Black Angus bull...

I put him out with the herd but he just ate grass and wouldn't even look at a cow. I was beginning to think I had paid more for that bull than he was worth.
Anyhow, I had the Vet come and have a look at him. He said the bull was very healthy, but possibly just a little young, so he gave me some pills to feed him once per day.
The bull started to service the cows within two days, all my cows! He even broke through the fence and bred with all of my neighbor's cows! He's like a machine! I don't know what was in the pills the Vet gave him ........but they kind of taste like peppermint.

A lady walks into a restaurant

When she sits down she ask the waiter,
Excuse me, what is the food of the day?
Well ma'am we are serving a 250 gram Angus eye fillet steak.
Well I'll get that medium rare.
The waiter walks away and comes back 10 minutes later with the steak. He places it down and she bites into the steak. Furious she asks for the chef who cooked the steak steak to come over for a chat.
Good evening ma'am, what is the problem?
Well I asked for this steak to be medium rare but it is well done.
Why thank you ma'am.

p**... met Angus in a pub

Over their pints, Angus leaned in and said does ye know what I did last night, eh?
p**... had no idea, and Angus said I'm a very rich man. I robbed a shop full of expensive pictures!
p**... was impressed. He said to Angus wow, that's astonishing! When you sell 'em, give me some money!
Angus said yes, of course. But p**... thought for a bit, and he asked Angus how does ye know they were expensive?
Angus replied ah, well, they got price tags don't they? Cheapest one was €180,000, wasn't it? Picture of some house! 'Course they all were.
p**... thought for a minute, and then said Angus, ye didn't rob the estate agent did ye?

Two scotsmen are playing golf.

There are two Scotsmen out for a day of golf, Angus is ready to swing on the fifteenth hole. There is a country road that runs parallel to the course.
As Angus is about to swing a f**... procession comes around the corner. He stops and takes off his hat until the f**... procession passed and turned the corner.
His friend is clearly moved, "Aye Angus, that was a very nice thing to do. Very respectful of ye to do that for that family."
Angus gets ready to continue paying and nods, "Aye, she was a good wife."

The new bull

A farmer recently spent $6,500 on a young registered Black Angus bull. He put him out with the herd but he just ate grass and wouldn't even look at a cow. He was beginning to think he had paid more for that bull than he was worth.
Anyhow, he had the Vet come and have a look at him. He said the bull was very healthy, but possibly just a little young, so he gave him some pills to feed him once per day.
The bull started to service the cows within two days, all his cows! He even broke through the fence and bred with all of the neighbor's cows!
He was like a machine!
The farmer said he didn't know what was in the pills the Vet gave him .. but they kind of taste like peppermint.

Why Irish pubs are the best

"As good as this bar is," said the Scotsman, "I still prefer the pubs back home. In Glasgow, there's a wee place called McTavish's. The landlord goes out of his way for the locals. When you buy four drinks, he'll buy the fifth drink."
"Well, Angus," said the Englishman, "At my local in London, the Red Lion, the barman will buy you your third drink after you buy the first two."
"Ahhh, dat's nothin'," said the Patty Sheehan, then Irishman. "Back home in me favorite pub, the moment you set foot in the place, they'll buy you a drink, then another, all the drinks you like, actually. Then, when you've had enough drinks, they'll take you upstairs and see dat you gets laid, all on the house!"
The Englishman and Scotsman were suspicious of the claims.
"Did this actually happen to you?", the Pom said.
"Not meself, personally, no," admitted the Irishman, "but it did happen to me sister quite a few times."

Angus joke, Why Irish pubs are the best