The Best 35 Angry Wife Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Angry Wife jokes. There are some angry wife wife jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these angry wife daughter puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Angry Wife Jokes and Puns

I want to try translating an Iraqi joke to English and see if it works. A man is sitting in a cafe...

A man is sitting in a cafe when suddenly someone he knows comes running to him in panic shouting "Quick, your wife is cheating on you with your best friend in the forest". The man runs out of the cafe angry and furious to see for himself and returns after a short while and sits back down on his chair. The people in the cafe and the guy that told him are confused and ask what happened. The man says "this son of a bitch was just exaggerating, firstly, it was just a couple of trees he made it out like it was a forest, secondly, best friend he says?! It turns out I don't even know the guy". Thank you

10 years ago today, I married my best friend

My wife's still really angry about it but me and Dave were drunk and thought it was a great idea

My wife was surprised to hear that I actually enjoyed her punishment of making me sleeping on the sofa. I said that it made me feel manly, like I was camping...

...with a really angry bear somewhere close by...

I caught my wife cheating with my best friend.

She was upset that I was always beating her, and he was jealous of how much money and property I had.

I was so angry when I caught them that I flipped the game board over and left them to pick up all the pieces.

The next time your wife gets angry...

put a cape (or bath towel) over her shoulders then tell her: "Now, you're Super Angry!"

Maybe she'll laugh...or maybe you'll die.


Do you look at your wife's face when you are having sex?

I did once and she looked really angry.

Why angry?

Because she was watching from the window!

An angry man with a gun walks into a bar and yells WHO HAD SEX WITH MY WIFE

A man sitting in the corner replies,

You won't have enough bullets

When my wife and I got married,

we mutually decided to each select that one person who we'd most like to have sex with and, if by some miracle, it happened, the other wouldn't get angry. She picked Brad Pitt and I went with Uma Thurman (Uma!!). For our 20th anniversary, I thought it would be fun to change things up and she agreed. So, she picked George Clooney and I chose the next door neighbor.

In a confession booth...

ME: I committed all seven deadly sins in 30 minutes.

PRIEST: Wow I gotta hear this.

ME: I was angry and envious at my neighbor so I lazily seduced his wife and ate all his groceries and I didn't share.

PRIEST: You forgot pride.

ME: No, Im pretty proud of this.

caught my wife of 7 years cheating with my best friend.

I caught my wife of 7 years cheating with my best friend, whom I had known since preschool. I can't believe they'd do this to me.

Listen, I'm not a bad guy. I'll grant you that my wife was upset that I was always beating her, and my best friend? He was simply jealous of how much money and property I had.

At my wit's end, I was so angry that when I caught them, I flipped the game board over and left them to pick up all the pieces.

Bob was in trouble

He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really angry. She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE!" The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway. Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought the box back in the house. She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.

You can explore angry wife enraged reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean angry wife cheating husband dad jokes. There are also angry wife puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


My wife and I were camping...

and an angry looking bear surprised us while we were eating. She looked at me and said "Should I give him some of the stew I made?"

I said, "No, he looks angry enough already."

My wife and kids always look through the window all sad and angry when it rains

Maybe I should let them in

MY WIFE IS A LIAR!

'That wife of mine is a liar.' said the angry husband to a sympathetic pal seated next to him in the bar.

'How do you know?' the friend asked.

'She didn't come home last night, and when I asked her where she'd been, she said she'd spent the night with her sister, Shirley.'

'So?' the friend replied.

'So, she's a liar. I spent the night with her sister Shirley!

I was relaxing in a Jacuzzi when my wife pointed a finger at me and gave me a really angry look...

... I knew I was in hot water.

What's the best way to make your wife angry during sex?

Call her and tell her where you are.

Angry neighbour "You slept with my wife, I am going to make you pay for that!"

Man: Bullshit, why should I pay twice.

Mark Zuckerberg's car hit a guy's car

Mark Zuckerberg's car hit a guy's car

Guy (angry) : Do you know who I am?

Mark : Yes, you are Scott Thomas, you have 237 friends out of which 37 are females and your wife doesn't know 12 of them. Last holiday you went to Thailand and there you . . .

Guy : Leave it bro, it was my fault.

Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary

Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really angry.

She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE!!"

The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.

Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway and brought the box back in the house.

She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.

Bob has been missing since Friday.


My wife got angry with me for opening a door for her.

It almost made me lose control of the car.

My wife and I have agreed never to go to bed angry with one another.

So far we've been up for three weeks.

Bob had forgotten his wedding anniversary and was in trouble.

His wife was really angry.

She told him, Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE!

The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.

Confused, the wife put on her robe, ran out to the driveway and brought the box back in the house.

She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.

Bob has been missing since Friday

An escaped prisoner enters a house...

A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed. He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband tells his wife: "Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you." To which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!"

Paybacktime


A man left for work one Friday afternoon. But, being payday, instead of going home, he stayed out the entire weekend partying with the boys and spending his entire paycheck.

When he finally appeared at home, Sunday night, he was confronted by a very angry wife and was barraged for nearly two hours with a tirade befitting his actions. Finally his wife stopped the nagging and simply said to him.

"How would you like it if you didn't see me for two or three days?"

To which he replied. "That would be fine with me."

Monday went by and he didn't see his wife. Tuesday and Wednesday came and went with the same results. But on Thursday, the swelling went down just enough where he could see her a little out of the corner of his left eye

Larry was not a good gift giver.

Every time he gave his wife a gift for Christmas, her birthday, or their anniversary, she complained about what a sucky gift it was. She was starting to get angry.
"Larry, the next time you give me a bad gift, I will light it on fire!"
A week later was Larry's wife's birthday. She came down to see only one small box. She sighed and went to go get a lighter. She opened up the present. It was a candle.

A guy escape from prision

A man escapes from prison, where he sat for the last 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns.

However, the only thing he finds a young couple in bed. He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair. Then he ties the young woman on the bed, comes on top of her and kisses her on her neck. Then he gets up and goes to the bathroom.

While he is there, the husband whispers to his wife: "Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes. He probably long in jail and all those years not seen a woman. I saw how he kissed you on your neck. If he wants sex, do not go against him, do not complain and make him happy. He is dangerous and if he gets angry, he'll kill us both! Be strong honey, I love you!

"The young woman replied:" He kissed me on my neck. He whispered in my ear. He told me he was gay, that he really liked you and asked if there was some Vaseline in the bathroom. Be strong honey, I love you ... "

That's some solid advice!

A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.

He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair. While tying the girl to the bed, he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom.

While he's in there, the husband tells his wife, "Listen this guy's an escaped convict - look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jailand hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you."

To which the wife responds, "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked if we had any Vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong, honey. I love you too.

Lady of my dreams

The wife checked her husband's phone and found these names:
1. The tender one
2. The amazing one
3. Lady of my dreams

She got angry and called the first number to find out that was his mother.
Then she called the second number on which his sister replied .
When she dialed the third number her own phone rang !!!!

She cried until she could cry no more because she had doubted her innocent husband, so she gave him her whole month's paycheck to make up for her doubts and mistrust.
Once his mother came to know of the story, she sold all her jewelery and gave him the money as well.

Husband took the money and bought a gift for his mistress who listed under "Plumber John".

My wife has this mood ring...

It turns green when she's happy, blue when she's calm, and when she's angry it leaves a big red mark right on my forehead.

I made a joke about the plane crash that had no survivors in it to my wife

She got angry at me and called me insensitive.

I told her, "you had to be there"

My wife got angry when I said "Samsung"...

Apparently that was the wrong answer to: "What oven should I buy to match my cooking style?"

Breakfast

An angry wife met her husband at the door. There was alcohol on his breath and lipstick on his collar.
"I assume," she snarled, "that there is a very good reason for you to come stumbling in here at six o'clock in the morning?"

"There is," he replied. "Breakfast."

A guy enters in a bar, angry af, with an assault rifle.

The whole place goes silent as he slams the door.

Angry guy : Who in here slept with my wife?!?

Some random guy at the back of the bar starts to laugh.

Angry guy : What's so funny?!?

Random guy : No chance you have enough bullets in that gun !

My wife just sent me to sleep on the couch.

It's just like camping, but with a big angry bear in the next room.

A couple were having an argument

Angry Wife: "I should have married the Devil... He would make a better husband than you!"

Husband: "Honey, you would have been arrested!! Marriage between relatives is illegal in this country!" ...

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the angry wife father jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working angry wife son piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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