Angry Wife Jokes

These are 110 angry wife jokes and hilarious angry wife puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about angry wife that are good jokes for kids and friends.

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jokes about angry wife

Best Short Angry Wife Jokes

These are our top angry wife puns. Have fun with a good angry wife joke in English with simple angry wife humour.

  1. 10 years ago today, I married my best friend My wife's still really angry about it but me and Dave were drunk and thought it was a great idea
  2. The next time your wife gets angry... put a cape (or bath towel) over her shoulders then tell her: "Now, you're Super Angry!"
    Maybe she'll laugh...or maybe you'll die.
  3. My wife and kids always look through the window all sad and angry when it rain Maybe I should let them in
  4. I was relaxing in a Jacuzzi when my wife pointed a finger at me and gave me a really angry look... ... I knew I was in hot water.
  5. After a great birthday fishing and drinking with the guys, I came home to a very angry wife. Apparently, "Why don't you tie me to the bed and do whatever you want" had some caveats.
  6. My wife got angry with me for opening a door for her. It almost made me lose control of the car.
  7. My wife and I have agreed never to go to bed angry with one another. So far we've been up for three weeks.
  8. My wife has this mood ring... It turns green when she's happy, blue when she's calm, and when she's angry it leaves a big red mark right on my forehead.
  9. My wife got angry when I said "Samsung"... Apparently that was the wrong answer to: "What oven should I buy to match my cooking style?"
  10. My wife is angry because she thinks I'm letting birds make a home in my beard. They're obviously not staying though. It's just a Hairbnb.

Make fun with this list of one liners, gags and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor found in these angry wife jokes can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of angry wife puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, these jokes offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !

Angry Wife One Liners

Which angry wife dad jokes are funny enough to crack down and make fun with angry wife?

  1. The therapist told my wife and I not to go to bed angry... we haven't slept in 36 years.
  2. Tardiness makes me extremely angry. As my late wife found out.
  3. Why was Moses' wife angry? He gave her the burning bush.
  4. What did one doughnut say to the other... ...you look a little glazed
  5. Me: Alexa, get me a glass of water. Angry Wife: Stop calling me Alexa😠😠
  6. What did a chef cook to his angry wife? Spaghetti Apolognese
  7. My wife and I are doing the whole "don't go to bed angry thing." I'm exhausted.
  8. How do you make both God and Satan angry at you? You r**... Satan's wife.
  9. Why was the Robot angry at the engineer? Because he s**... his wife!

Fun-Filled Angry Wife Jokes to Make You and Your Friends Chuckle & Giggle

What funny jokes about angry wife to tell and make people laugh ? Check out these list of good jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help make angry wife prank.

A Lalu brought a simple, spendthrift wife from a small town in Bihar.
He convinced her that they should go for Honeymoon.
The wife would not understand complex term as honeymoon and kept asking for explanation.
Lalu said, "Let me feel you my manhood in Honeymoon and you would know."
They went.
Had lots of fun and came back.
Wife back at home asked, "I still don’t understand what is this honeymoon that we went for."
The Husband said, "Oh, we were together, had so many hugs, kisses, varieties of s**..., jokes, fun all that is honeymoon."
The spendthrift wife got angry, "You should have told me that before. Back in town, Malu, Kalu, Suru and I were together all the times, and had this fun without spending a dime of my money."

I was invited to a party.
Suddenly I f**... when an angry man shouted: "Why do you f**... in presence of my wife?"
I only gazed him for some moments and calmly told him:"Sorry I didn't know it was her turn."

Larry was not a good gift giver.

Every time he gave his wife a gift for Christmas, her birthday, or their anniversary, she complained about what a sucky gift it was. She was starting to get angry.
"Larry, the next time you give me a bad gift, I will light it on fire!"
A week later was Larry's wife's birthday. She came down to see only one small box. She sighed and went to go get a lighter. She opened up the present. It was a candle.

A group of friends went golfing one day...

-and after the round one of the men was very distraught after hitting a 107.
-He was so angry that he didn't even want to go to the bar afterwards to have a drink with his friends.
-So he decided to just drive home and take a load off.
-When he walked in the door his wife asked him how his round of golf went.
-He then punched her right in the face and said "I'm hitting everything fat today."

A guy escape from prision

A man escapes from prison, where he sat for the last 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns.
However, the only thing he finds a young couple in bed. He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair. Then he ties the young woman on the bed, comes on top of her and kisses her on her neck. Then he gets up and goes to the bathroom.
While he is there, the husband whispers to his wife: "Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes. He probably long in jail and all those years not seen a woman. I saw how he kissed you on your neck. If he wants s**..., do not go against him, do not complain and make him happy. He is dangerous and if he gets angry, he'll kill us both! Be strong honey, I love you!
"The young woman replied:" He kissed me on my neck. He whispered in my ear. He told me he was gay, that he really liked you and asked if there was some Vaseline in the bathroom. Be strong honey, I love you ... "

My wife got me a mood ring...

When I'm in a good mood it turns blue.
When I'm angry it leaves a huge red mark on her forehead.

Paybacktime


A man left for work one Friday afternoon. But, being payday, instead of going home, he stayed out the entire weekend partying with the boys and spending his entire paycheck.
When he finally appeared at home, Sunday night, he was confronted by a very angry wife and was barraged for nearly two hours with a tirade befitting his actions. Finally his wife stopped the nagging and simply said to him.
"How would you like it if you didn't see me for two or three days?"
To which he replied. "That would be fine with me."
Monday went by and he didn't see his wife. Tuesday and Wednesday came and went with the same results. But on Thursday, the swelling went down just enough where he could see her a little out of the corner of his left eye

That's some solid advice!

A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.
He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair. While tying the girl to the bed, he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom.
While he's in there, the husband tells his wife, "Listen this guy's an escaped convict - look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jailand hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants s**..., don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you."
To which the wife responds, "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked if we had any Vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong, honey. I love you too.

My wife got really angry when I spent a lot of money on a make-your-own perfume kit

...but it made scents to me

Arty

Joe is extremely angry and frustrated with his wife of 20 years and finally decides to find a contract killer to get rid of her. He knows this will cost more money than he has so he asks to borrow some funds from his best friend Arty. Arty surprises Joe by saying, "I have never liked your wife so I will gladly m**... her for only a dollar."
Later, Arty is hiding outside the grocery store where Joe's wife works and as she leaves he drags her behind the store into an alley and strangles her. Just as he is dragging her body behind some bushes, the store manager comes out and sees him. So Arty attacks the manager and strangles him as well. Again, as he hides the body, a clerk comes out of the store so Arty has to do the same thing one more time. By this time, with all of the commotion, the police arrive and discover what has happened. They arrest Arty and the next morning the headline in the town newspaper reads:
ARTY CHOKES 3 FOR A DOLLAR AT THE LOCAL MARKET

Clueless husband

A woman was laying in bed with her husband at night when she said:"honey i m cold" , he said: "wear warmer clothes", then she said "i m still very cold" he responds "cover yoursef with another blanket" ,the wife who seemed displeased said:"when i was cold my mother used to hug me tightly and cuddle til we slept" her husband says in an angry voice:"Are you telling me we should bring your mother to sleep with us,why do you always say unromantic things in bed!".

A mathematician is going out to meet his friends...

so he tells his wife he'll be home at a quarter of 12.
When he stumbles in at 3am, his wife is furious.
"Why are you so angry?" He asks, "I told you exactly when I'd be home."

Breakfast

An angry wife met her husband at the door. There was alcohol on his breath and lipstick on his collar.
"I assume," she snarled, "that there is a very good reason for you to come stumbling in here at six o'clock in the morning?"
"There is," he replied. "Breakfast."

Joke told by my pastor

There was a couple riding in a car together, arguing. Neither wanted to concede the argument, so they didn't stop. Eventually, they both got tired out, and settled into an angry silence.
A few miles down the road, they passed a barn full of the most disgusting pigs and cows imaginable. The angry wife sniped at her husband, "Are those part of your family?"
The husband responded, "Yes, they're my in-laws."

My wife...

My wife was counting all the nickels and dimes out on the kitchen table when she suddenly got very angry and started shouting and crying for no reason. I thought to myself, "She's going through the change."

Chinese takeout

My wife has been angry at me all night for bringing her six bowls of soup back from the local Chinese restaurant.
I don't know what her deal is, she very clearly asked for wanton soup.

Drunk man was sitting in restaurant.

While eating he farts very loudly in a restaurant.
The man on the next table gets very angry and says, "Excuse me, you have no decency. You f**... before my wife."
Drunk Man: "Sorry, I did not know it was her turn."

Adrian Veidt's wife walks into his bedroom and finds him with another woman.

As she approaches him with angry tears, he says "I did it 35 minutes ago."

I caught my wife cheating with my best friend.

She was upset that I was always beating her, and he was jealous of how much money and property I had.
I was so angry when I caught them that I flipped the game board over and left them to pick up all the pieces.

An escaped prisoner enters a house...

A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed. He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband tells his wife: "Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants s**..., don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you." To which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!"

My wife and I were camping...

and an angry looking bear surprised us while we were eating. She looked at me and said "Should I give him some of the stew I made?"
I said, "No, he looks angry enough already."

MY WIFE IS A LIAR!

'That wife of mine is a liar.' said the angry husband to a sympathetic pal seated next to him in the bar.
'How do you know?' the friend asked.
'She didn't come home last night, and when I asked her where she'd been, she said she'd spent the night with her sister, Shirley.'
'So?' the friend replied.
'So, she's a liar. I spent the night with her sister Shirley!

Good Answer

A white couple gets a black child.
Angry husband asks- You white, Me white. Why is baby black?
Wife- You hot, Me hot. Baby burnt!

caught my wife of 7 years cheating with my best friend.

I caught my wife of 7 years cheating with my best friend, whom I had known since preschool. I can't believe they'd do this to me.
Listen, I'm not a bad guy. I'll grant you that my wife was upset that I was always beating her, and my best friend? He was simply jealous of how much money and property I had.
At my wit's end, I was so angry that when I caught them, I flipped the game board over and left them to pick up all the pieces.

I tried to tell my wife about the water flowing on Mars, but she was too angry to listen.

I guess there was blood flowing on Venus.

A maths teachers husband buys an Aston Martin.

He pulls up into the drive of their house, eagerly awaiting his wife's response.
Instead, she looks angry and horrified. She storm up to his window and says "You ALWAYS leech off of MY money!"
"W-What?"
"LOOK AT YOU! I don't know HOW you earned this car!"
"Why?"
"YOU DIDN'T DO THE WORKING FOR IT!"

Shopkeeper receives flowers at the opening of his new store...

And the card says "Rest In Peace". So he calls up the florist, angry, and she says, "Sir, at least you weren't the one who got flowers at your wife's f**... that said, 'Congratulations on the new location.'"

I was really angry when my wife tried to sue me for impotence

But luckily they couldn't make it stand up in court

My wife was counting all our pennies out on the kitchen table...

My wife was counting all our pennies out on the kitchen table, when she suddenly got very angry and started shouting and crying for no reason.
I thought to myself, She's going through change.

What's the best way to make your wife angry during s**...?

Call her and tell her where you are.

For our 10th wedding anniversary, my wife wanted me to surprise her.

But when i introduced her to my mistress, she got very angry.
There really is no pleasing some people.

What's the difference between a dry, moldy cranberry and an angry blue bird?

One's a crazy heron, the other's a hairy Craisin.
^^^^^Credit ^^^^^to ^^^^^my ^^^^^wife.

My angry wife controls everything. She even said I had to stop eating candy at work...

... so I had to fire her

A couple were having an argument

Angry Wife: "I should have married the Devil... He would make a better husband than you!"
Husband: "Honey, you would have been arrested!! Marriage between relatives is i**... in this country!" ...

My wife is angry because I brought home a B.L.T. instead of a roast beef sandwich.

Oops, wrong sub.

My now angry wife asked me how much I thought she weighed, and I knew it was over 200, but instead I said:

"A hundred and plenty?"

Tea is an Evil Substance

Tea is an evil substance, more dangerous than beer.
I discovered this last night, when I drank 14 beer till 3AM at the pub while my wife was just drinking tea at home. You should have seen how angry and violent when I got home. I was peaceful, silent and headed to bed as she shouted at me all night and even in the morning. Please Ladies, don't drink tea!

Bob had forgotten his wedding anniversary and was in trouble.

His wife was really angry.
She told him, Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE!
The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.
Confused, the wife put on her robe, ran out to the driveway and brought the box back in the house.
She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.
Bob has been missing since Friday

When my wife and I got married,

we mutually decided to each select that one person who we'd most like to have s**... with and, if by some miracle, it happened, the other wouldn't get angry. She picked Brad Pitt and I went with Uma Thurman (Uma!!). For our 20th anniversary, I thought it would be fun to change things up and she agreed. So, she picked George Clooney and I chose the next door neighbor.

0-100 real quick

So the wife is extremely angry at the husband for forgetting their anniversary. She yells at him,"I BETTER SEE SOMETHING IN THE DRIVEWAY THAT GOES FROM 0-300 IN 6 SECONDS" and storms off. The next day when she wakes up, she finds a giant box in the driveway. She gets dressed and goes to the driveway to investigate. When she opens it she finds a bathroom scale...

My wife says I have a problem with alcohol a**....

I politely told her I don't. I managed to stay calm and kiss her goodnight even though I was getting so angry.
When she went to bed I punched my bottle of Jack Daniels.

So I finally decided to introduce my girlfriend to my family.

g**... how angry my wife was.

I made a joke about the plane c**... that had no survivors in it to my wife

She got angry at me and called me insensitive.
I told her, "you had to be there"

A man and his wife just had an argument, and are very angry with each other.

The man is driving his wife to a family gathering when they suddenly see a herd of pigs crossing the road in front of them. Seizing the chance, the husband cheerily asks:
- "Hey, look! Are they some relatives of yours?
And his wife quickly replies,
- "Yeah, my parents-in-law!"

Moms and wifes act the same way

You bring a friend home to play with,without telling them and they always wanna get angry

Do you look at your wife's face when you are having s**...?

I did once and she looked really angry.
Why angry?
Because she was watching from the window!

My wife got angry at me because I didn't hold the door open for her

....Well I was trying to swim to the surface

Lady of my dreams

The wife checked her husband's phone and found these names:
1. The tender one
2. The amazing one
3. Lady of my dreams
She got angry and called the first number to find out that was his mother.
Then she called the second number on which his sister replied .
When she dialed the third number her own phone rang !!!!
She cried until she could cry no more because she had doubted her innocent husband, so she gave him her whole month's paycheck to make up for her doubts and mistrust.
Once his mother came to know of the story, she sold all her jewelery and gave him the money as well.
Husband took the money and bought a gift for his mistress who listed under "Plumber John".

My Wife Got Angry I Was m**... Our Neighbor

I told her but the bible says "Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself".

Wife is angry as husband stands!

Wife is angry as husband stands too close to a
beautiful girl in the bus,
.
.
.
.
A few minutes later the girl slaps him for
pinching..
.
.
.
.
Husband to wife:
I swear I didn't
.
.
Wife: I know, I did it.

Drinking tea is bad for you.

Tea is more dangerous than beer. You should avoid it, and just say NO.
I discovered this last night. I had drunk 14 beers, until 3:00 am at the pub, while my wife was sitting at home, drinking tea.
You should have seen how angry and violent she was when I got home.
I was peaceful, silent, and heading to bead as she shouted at me... All Night Long. Even into the next morning!
Please, ladies.... If you can't handle your tea, then just don't drink it!

My wife just sent me to sleep on the couch.

It's just like camping, but with a big angry bear in the next room.

My wife was surprised to hear that I actually enjoyed her punishment of making me sleeping on the sofa. I said that it made me feel manly, like I was camping...

...with a really angry bear somewhere close by...

10 years ago I married my best friend.

My wife's still angry about it but I and Harry were drunk and thought it was funny.

Next time your wife is angry....

Put a cape on her and and say, "Now you are, super angry!!!"
Disclaimer: results may vary

A guy enters in a bar...

A angry guy enters in a bar with an assault rifle in his hands. When they saw him, every customers went silent in fear. The angry guy screamed : " where is the guy that slept with me wife?!? " Every customer stared at each other, then started laughing. "What's so funny?", asked the one holding the gun. A customer at the back of the back then yelled : "No chances you have enough ammo in there! "

An angry man walks into his bedroom, carrying a sheep

His wife doesn't seem pleased. The man yells out angrily "This is the pig I have s**... with when you have a headache"!
The wife replies "that's no pig, thats a sheep".
The man says "I was talking to the sheep"!

My wife handed me a bag of clothes

She wanted me to donate it to the poor and hungry. When I threw it in the trash she got angry. I told her, any one that can fit in those clothes dosen't know hunger.

Why did the husband get angry at his wife for cleaning the table?

He wrote an important phone number on the dust.

I bought one of those stickers that says "this machine kills fascists" today, but I don't know why my wife is so angry about it...

It's not like it's covering the license plate...

Why did Barry's wife get angry when he ate all the fruit?

'Cause that was the last straw, Barry.

A guy enters in a bar, angry af, with an assault rifle.

The whole place goes silent as he slams the door.
Angry guy : Who in here slept with my wife?!?
Some random guy at the back of the bar starts to laugh.
Angry guy : What's so funny?!?
Random guy : No chance you have enough bullets in that gun !

I just proposed to my best friend of 25 years

My wife got a bit angry, and Brian also seemed a bit confused

My wife was so angry today. She said that she'll never public breastfeed anymore.

She also told me that she'll do it only after our first child is born.

I told my ex-wife that world is flat, she got really angry...

when I told her she my world, she decided to divorce.

An angry man with a gun walks into a bar and yells WHO HAD s**... WITH MY WIFE

A man sitting in the corner replies,
You won't have enough bullets

BE CAREFUL IN SUPERMARKETS!!!

My wife and I went to grocery. Of course, we had face mask and goggles to be safe.
When we got there, wow, there are still too many people. Scary !
I decided, and I pulled my wife to go home cos we might even catch Covid there.
But, contradicting me, she wants to let go and doesn't want to go home!
Oh my goodness! I really dragged her back to the car.
In the car, she ignores me and is angry.
When we arrived home, when we remove face mask.
She is not my wife.

Angry wife

I can't believe that you've been visiting prostitutes for s**..., my wife screamed at me. I'm really disappointed.
You can hardly blame me, I answered. It's not like I was getting any from you.

Well, that's your own fault, she replied. You never told me you were willing to pay for it.

Jokes are a form of humor that often involves clever wordplay, puns or unexpected twists in a story. These are usually short narratives or anecdotes crafted with the intent of amusing its audience by ending in an unexpected or humorous punchline. Jokes are a universal form of entertainment that people of all ages like kids and toddlers can enjoy. They can be verbal, as in a play on words, or narrative, often involving a set-up and a punchline. JokoJokes has it all! Jokes in Spanish are also found. Teens are often joking with 4 year olds and 6 year olds. Found out more in our Jokes FAQ section

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The impact of these angry wife jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social gatherings to professional presentations, and are often employed to lighten the mood or enhance a story.