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Angry Jokes

151 angry jokes and hilarious angry puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about angry that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Laughing at the world's woes can often be a great release, and that's exactly what these angry jokes aim to do. From the livid husband and wife to the nomads who can't stay put, and the infuriated in-laws, these jokes are sure to make you chuckle - and might even make you less irritable. Check out this collection of angry jokes and see what tickles your funny bone.

Funniest Angry Short Jokes

Short angry jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The angry humour may include short furious jokes also.

  1. I was really angry at my friend Mark for stealing my dictionary. I told him, - Mark, my words!
  2. I just bought a thesaurus and when I got it home, all the pages were blank. I have no words to describe how angry I am.
  3. My girlfriend was really angry when I gave her a box of photos of all her old boyfriends for her birthday. I don't know why, she said she wanted an ex box.
  4. Just found out that "Aaaaaaarrrrrrggggghhhhh" isn't a real word. I can't tell you how angry I am.
  5. 10 years ago today, I married my best friend My wife's still really angry about it but me and Dave were drunk and thought it was a great idea
  6. I received a thesaurus in the mail today, but when I opened it all the pages were blank. I have no words to describe how angry I am.
  7. I locked my key in my car outside an abortion clinic They get really angry if you go in and ask for a coat hanger
  8. Was sleeping in my girlfriend's house last night and her dad wouldn't let us sleep in the same bed I was really angry because he is actually really handsome
  9. "You wouldn't like me when I'm angry... Because I always back up my rage with facts and well documented sources" -The Credible Hulk
  10. The next time your wife gets angry... put a cape (or bath towel) over her shoulders then tell her: "Now, you're Super Angry!"
    Maybe she'll laugh...or maybe you'll die.

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Angry One Liners

Which angry one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with angry? I can suggest the ones about enraged and pissed off.

  1. If you rearrange the letters of POSTMEN... They become VERY ANGRY.
  2. If you rearrange the letters of MAILMEN you get them VERY ANGRY
  3. Did you know that if you rearrange the letters of "Postmen" They get really angry
  4. If you rearrange all the letters of POSTMEN You will get them VERY ANGRY
  5. What is the one type of person that will never get angry? A nomad.
  6. Just found out that 'aaaaarrrrggghhhh' isn't a real word I can't tell you how angry I am
  7. I took a pole and found out that 100% of people were angry when the tent fell down.
  8. there's no need to be angry at lazy people they didn't do anything.
  9. I ate a kids meal at McDonald's today... His mom got really angry with me...
  10. What do you eat when you're cold and angry? A BRRRR GRRRRR.
  11. I recently took a poll and found out 100% of campers were angry when their tent collapsed
  12. How do you make a pirate angry? By taking away the P.
  13. Christians don't get angry. They hey cross.
  14. What happens when you provoke an angry redhead? Ginger snaps.
  15. Why are people so angry at lazy people? We haven't done anything???

Angry Wife Jokes

Here is a list of funny angry wife jokes and even better angry wife puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • My wife and kids always look through the window all sad and angry when it rain Maybe I should let them in
  • I was relaxing in a Jacuzzi when my wife pointed a finger at me and gave me a really angry look... ... I knew I was in hot water.
  • After a great birthday fishing and drinking with the guys, I came home to a very angry wife. Apparently, "Why don't you tie me to the bed and do whatever you want" had some caveats.
  • My wife got angry with me for opening a door for her. It almost made me lose control of the car.
  • My wife and I have agreed never to go to bed angry with one another. So far we've been up for three weeks.
  • My wife has this mood ring... It turns green when she's happy, blue when she's calm, and when she's angry it leaves a big red mark right on my forehead.
  • My wife got angry when I said "Samsung"... Apparently that was the wrong answer to: "What oven should I buy to match my cooking style?"
  • My wife is angry because she thinks I'm letting birds make a home in my beard. They're obviously not staying though. It's just a Hairbnb.
  • My wife just sent me to sleep on the couch. It's just like camping, but with a big angry bear in the next room.
  • I told my wife she has no sense of direction, she got angry at me, she packed up her bags and right

Angry Woman Jokes

Here is a list of funny angry woman jokes and even better angry woman puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • You woman gotta' realise, making us sleep on the couch ain't that bad... It's kinda manly, makes us feel like we are camping. With an angry bear nearby.
  • What do you say to an angry woman sitting at a sewing machine? You seem stressed.
  • I was driving down the highway today and saw a woman in the lane next to me reading a novel while driving I was so angry that I stopped texting and flipped her off
  • An angry woman on her period... Is clearly ovarie-acting
  • How do You Tell if a Woman is a Feminist If the boring clothes, weight problem, lack of makeup or angry demeanour doesn't give it away, she'll tell you within 2 minutes.
  • Behind every angry woman is a man who has absolutely no idea what he did wrong.
  • Traffic shut down in many US cities today Have you ever seen a angry woman drive?
  • What would you rather be stamped on by a herd of elephants or an angry woman in high heels... At least the elephants you could reason with
  • You can tell a lot about a woman's mood just by her hands... For example, if she's holding a gun, she's probably angry.
  • Adrian Veidt's wife walks into his bedroom and finds him with another woman. As she approaches him with angry tears, he says "I did it 35 minutes ago."
Angry joke, Adrian Veidt's wife walks into his bedroom and finds him with another woman.

Husband Wife Angry Jokes

Here is a list of funny husband wife angry jokes and even better husband wife angry puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Angry husband filled wife's car with concrete after she changed her surname She could take him to the court. She had.... concrete evidence
  • Why did the husband get angry at his wife for cleaning the table? He wrote an important phone number on the dust.
  • Angry husband fills wife's car with concrete after she changed her surname I hope she takes him to court, she has concrete evidence
  • Good Answer A white couple gets a black child.
    Angry husband asks- You white, Me white. Why is baby black?
    Wife- You hot, Me hot. Baby burnt!

Angry Birds Jokes

Here is a list of funny angry birds jokes and even better angry birds puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • What do you call an angry singer flipping someone off? A song bird.
  • The birds fighting outside remind me of Donald Trump... No matter how angry they get, the most they can muster is angry sounding tweets.
  • Whenever I get very angry or if I hurt my self, I shout out the sounds of migratory birds... ...which usually leaves me apologizing to someone for using fowl language.
  • What's the difference between a dry, moldy cranberry and an angry blue bird? One's a crazy heron, the other's a hairy Craisin.
    ^^^^^Credit ^^^^^to ^^^^^my ^^^^^wife.
  • What would you call a furious group of girls? Angry Birds!
  • What do you call an Angry Bird who just got back from the spa? A Bird.

So Angry Jokes

Here is a list of funny so angry jokes and even better so angry puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Joke my kid made up when he was like 4.... What do you call an angry shopper using bad words? A cussomer.
  • What happens if you you cross an angry cow with an angry sheep? You get two animals that are in a *baaaad moooood.*
  • My girlfriend is angry with me for incorrectly quoting the Princess Bride Unbelievable!
  • The next time your gf gets angry, drape a towel over her shoulders (like a cape) and exlaim: Now you're SUPER ANGRY
    Maybe she'll laugh
    Maybe you'll die
  • Angry feminist told me that men are animals, men are pigs! So I told her that women are equal to men.
  • Flat Earthers It's funny making a flat earth beliver angry, but if you push them over the edge then you're only proving them right.
  • A buddy of mine is one of those flat Earther's. He said he's angry and going to the edge. I have a feeling he'll come around.
  • I was angry at my friend and he sarcastically asked "what would Jesus do?" So I flipped over the table and chased him from the building with a whip.
  • What did the doctor say to the angry midget? "I'm going to ask you to be a little patient."
  • It gets me very angry to see people fat-shaming Please guys, they have enough on their plate already
Angry joke, It gets me very angry to see people fat-shaming

Share Hilarious Angry Jokes and Enjoy Unforgettable Laughter

What funny jokes about angry you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean infuriated jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make angry pranks.

So did you hear about the Angry composer?

Apparently, he had a few scores to settle.

Does your dog bite?

A man walks in the park and sees a man with a dog sitting on a bench.
"Does your dog bite?", asks the first man.
"No"
The man proceeds to pet the dog, but the dog bites him.
"I thought you said your dog didn't bite?!", he says quite angry.
"This is not my dog."
My mom told me this joke, it's from one of the films of 'pink panther'. I've never seen the film though.

s**... Leia

A man comes home to his girlfriend who is in a s**... Leia costume, chained to the bed and stretched out seductively. The man gets angry and says "I'm not that fat!"

I don't swear because I'm religious.

I swear because I'm angry.

I caught my wife cheating with my best friend.

She was upset that I was always beating her, and he was jealous of how much money and property I had.
I was so angry when I caught them that I flipped the game board over and left them to pick up all the pieces.

My wife and I were camping...

and an angry looking bear surprised us while we were eating. She looked at me and said "Should I give him some of the stew I made?"
I said, "No, he looks angry enough already."

MY WIFE IS A LIAR!

'That wife of mine is a liar.' said the angry husband to a sympathetic pal seated next to him in the bar.
'How do you know?' the friend asked.
'She didn't come home last night, and when I asked her where she'd been, she said she'd spent the night with her sister, Shirley.'
'So?' the friend replied.
'So, she's a liar. I spent the night with her sister Shirley!

Husband's night out

An angry housewife met her husband at the front door and immediately noticed he smelled of alcohol and perfume.
"I assume," she said with her most acidic sarcasm, "That there must be a very good reason for your coming home at six o'clock in the morning with booze on your breath and another woman's perfume all over you."
"There is," he said. "I'd like breakfast."

caught my wife of 7 years cheating with my best friend.

I caught my wife of 7 years cheating with my best friend, whom I had known since preschool. I can't believe they'd do this to me.
Listen, I'm not a bad guy. I'll grant you that my wife was upset that I was always beating her, and my best friend? He was simply jealous of how much money and property I had.
At my wit's end, I was so angry that when I caught them, I flipped the game board over and left them to pick up all the pieces.

There's so much n**... on TV these days, it makes me so angry.

I just sit there, shaking my fist.

What's the best way to make your wife angry during s**...?

Call her and tell her where you are.

My Asian friend came out ..

My Asian friend came out to his dad today and said "Dad I'm gay" . His dad after being angry for a moment said, "why not Gay+"

I just bought a thesaurus

I just bought a thesaurus from the book store, however when I got home I found that all the pages were blank! I have no words to describe how angry I am.

I got a thesaurus the other day, but all the pages were blank.

I have no words to describe how angry I am!

My Dad got me a thesaurus for Christmas last year

But when I opened it every single page was blank.
I didn't have the words to describe how angry I was.

A boy goes to a s**... club. His mom gets angry & asks him: Did you see anything there that you were not supposed to see?

Boy: Yes, I saw dad!

What do you call an angry Muslim in Ramadan?

Fastin' Furious

A Rastaman with a bag full of m**... walks into a bank...

and hands it to a cashier. The angry cashier asks 'Sir, what is this...?' The rasta replies "Wa yah ask foolish question, mi come to open a joint account!!"

What did the man say to the feminist to get her angry?

Nothing. The fact that he didn't say anything to her made her think that he thought he was superior and therefore a sexist, misogynistic, s**... of the earth

I told my gf the world was flat and she became angry with me

I told her she was my world and she got angrier

When my wife and I got married,

we mutually decided to each select that one person who we'd most like to have s**... with and, if by some miracle, it happened, the other wouldn't get angry. She picked Brad Pitt and I went with Uma Thurman (Uma!!). For our 20th anniversary, I thought it would be fun to change things up and she agreed. So, she picked George Clooney and I chose the next door neighbor.

Some one has stolen my thesaurus.

I can't find the words to describe how angry i am.

My husband is like the New York subway...

He makes me angry, frustrated, and late for work but I still can't help but ride him every day.

How many angry people does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None, they tell it to screw itself.

Do you look at your wife's face when you are having s**...?

I did once and she looked really angry.
Why angry?
Because she was watching from the window!

The dictionary I ordered on eBay had only blank pages

I have no words to describe how angry I am.

One day, Obi-Wan and Luke visit a Chinese restaurant...

Obi-Wan is eating normally, but Luke is having so much trouble with the chopsticks he's spilling the food all over the table.
Eventually, Obi-Wan becomes angry and says, "Use the forks, Luke!"

Why did the p**... get angry after having s**... in an apple orchard?

Because her client came in cider.

Blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her, so she goes out and buys a gun.

She goes to his apartment unexpectedly and when she opens the door she finds him in the arms of a redhead.
Well, the blonde is really angry. She opens her purse to take out the gun, and as she does so she is overcome with grief.
She takes the gun and puts it to her head.
The boyfriend yells, "No, honey, don't do it."
The blonde replies, "Shut up, you're next."

My wife was surprised to hear that I actually enjoyed her punishment of making me sleeping on the sofa. I said that it made me feel manly, like I was camping...

...with a really angry bear somewhere close by...

The Mexicans are really angry about the wall.

Don't worry, they'll get over it

An angry man with a gun walks into a bar and yells WHO HAD s**... WITH MY WIFE

A man sitting in the corner replies,
You won't have enough bullets

I want to try translating an Iraqi joke to English and see if it works. A man is sitting in a cafe...

A man is sitting in a cafe when suddenly someone he knows comes running to him in panic shouting "Quick, your wife is cheating on you with your best friend in the forest". The man runs out of the cafe angry and furious to see for himself and returns after a short while and sits back down on his chair. The people in the cafe and the guy that told him are confused and ask what happened. The man says "this son of a b**... was just exaggerating, firstly, it was just a couple of trees he made it out like it was a forest, secondly, best friend he says?! It turns out I don't even know the guy". Thank you

A woman placed an ad in a news paper. 'I am looking for a male partner who needs to meet these three requirements.

1. He shouldn't beat me.
2. He shouldn't leave me.
Third and most important.
3. He should be great in bed.
One week later, her door bell rang, and she opened the door to find a man.
The man said, "Hi, I'm Peter. I don't have hands, so I can't beat you. I don't have legs so I can't leave you. I think I'm the guy."
The lady in an angry voice asked him back, "How the h**... are you supposed to be great in bed then? Didn't you read the third requirement?"
I think You're mistaken my lady.
Peter replied, "I rang the doorbell. Didn't I?"

A boy asked a girl in a library, "Do you mind if I sit beside you"?

A boy asked a girl in a library, "Do you mind if I sit beside you"?
The girl answered with a loud angry voice; "I don't want to spend the night with you!!"
All the people in the library started staring at the boy and he was embarrassed.
After a few minutes, the girl walked quietly to the guy's table and said to him," I study psychology and I know what man is thinking, I guess you felt embarrassed, right?"
The guy responded with a loud voice,"$300 for one night. That's too much!!"
And all the people in the library looked at the girl in shock and the guy whispered in her ears, "I study law and I know how to make someone guilty."

Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary

Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really angry.
She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE!!"
The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.
Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway and brought the box back in the house.
She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.
Bob has been missing since Friday.

A man walks in a bar and shouts free beers outside! So everyone in the bar, except the bartender, ran outside in excitement.

The bartender, visibly angry, yells at the man what the h**... did you do that for? Now i have no customers!!
The man says Sorry mister, i honestly didnt fink any of those men would be brave enough to fight a grizzly beer, let alone free of them

Angry neighbour "You slept with my wife, I am going to make you pay for that!"

Man: b**..., why should I pay twice.

A black man walks into a restaurant..

There is a huge sign on wall that says "Colored People Not Allowed."
The man takes a seat and a white man comes over in a hurry and says, " Excuse me son, we don't serve colored people in this restaurant. Im going to have to ask you to leave."
The black man smiles, looks at the white man and says, "Sir, when I was born I was black, when I am sick I'm black, when I'm cold I'm black, when I'm angry I'm black and when I sad I'm black.
But you, sir, when you're born you're pink, when you're sick you are green, when you're cold you turn blue and when you're angry you turn red.
And you have the nerve to call me colored!"

Mark Zuckerberg's car hit a guy's car

Mark Zuckerberg's car hit a guy's car
Guy (angry) : Do you know who I am?
Mark : Yes, you are Scott Thomas, you have 237 friends out of which 37 are females and your wife doesn't know 12 of them. Last holiday you went to Thailand and there you . . .
Guy : Leave it bro, it was my fault.

A guy is sitting on his porch when his blonde neighbor walks out to her mailbox.

She opens the mailbox, looks in, colses it up and walks back into the house. Five minutes later, she does the same thing. After another five minutes, the same thing, but this time she's visibly angry. She comes out again after another five minutes, looking furious. She looks in the mailbox and slams it closed. As she's walking back to the house, the guy says,
"Not to be nosy, but are you expecting an important package?"
The blonde answers, "No! It's my d**... computer! It keeps telling me I have mail!"

Why is Donald Trump actually angry about the election outcome?

It's a loss he **can't** write off on his tax returns.

Two scientists, Jim and Dave, walk into a bar...

... Jim asks for a H20.
Dave asks why he ordered it like that, and Jim says that they're scientists and so should present themselves as such.
Dave replies "whatever, I'll have a water too".
Jim watches the bartender get Dave's drink, angry that his assassination attempt failed.

What do you call a person that travels a lot and never gets angry?

A nomad

Man buys a talking centipede.

Man buys a talking centipede for $5000 and takes it home in a small box.
When he gets home, he opens the box and says "Would you like to go for a beer?"
The centipede doesn't answer...
Raising his voice he repeats the question, still no reply.
30 mins later and getting angry, thinking he's been ripped off, he shouts the question loudly.
At which the centipede sticks his head out of his box and says "I heard you the 1st time...I'm putting my f**... shoes on!!!"

I took my 8 year old niece to the zoo last week...

..we were walking around the various cages and enclosures when all of a sudden she yells, Look Uncle John! It's a frickin' Elephant!
I was shocked and slightly angry, as everybody was looking at us. What did you just call it? I asked.
It's a frickin' Elephant, it says so on the picture! she said, ... and so it did, A F R I C A N Elephant.

In a confession booth...

ME: I committed all seven deadly sins in 30 minutes.
PRIEST: Wow I gotta hear this.
ME: I was angry and envious at my neighbor so I lazily seduced his wife and ate all his groceries and I didn't share.
PRIEST: You forgot pride.
ME: No, Im pretty proud of this.

Bob was in trouble

He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really angry. She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE!" The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway. Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought the box back in the house. She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.

Q: You're riding on a horse at high speed chasing a zebra. To your right is a sheer dropoff. Two feet to your left is a grizzly bear. Right on the heels of your horse is an angry lion. What do you do?

A: Get your drunk a**... off the merry-go-round!

What do you call a huge, angry, green man that cites all his arguments from peer reviewed journals?

The credible hulk

Angry joke, What do you call a huge, angry, green man that cites all his arguments from peer reviewed journals?

jokes about angry