Angrily Jokes

Following is our collection of disgustedly humor and back one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. They include Angrily puns for adults, dirty sarcastically jokes or clean scowl gags for kids.

There is an abundance of furiously jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 83 funniest jokes on angrily. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any yells witze you can hear about angrily.

The Best jokes about Angrily

"I love you lots snuggles" said my girlfriend

"And I love you tons" I replied.
"Wow fine, you don't have a nickname for me?" She said angrily.
Sometimes I swear the fat cunt's going deaf.

A teacher told the students, "The person who answers my next question correctly gets to leave class early."

A teacher told the students, "The person who answers my next question correctly gets to leave class early."

Suddenly, a pen came flying across to room, practically hitting the teacher in the face.

"Who threw that?!" the teacher shouted angrily.

"Me!" piped up a voice from the back of the classroom. "Can I leave now?"

A girl was about to jump off a cliff...

A girl was about to jump off a cliff to end her life. Just as she was about to leap to her death, a homeless man approached from behind and shouted to ask her a question,
"Excuse me miss! Before you jump would you like to have sex with me?"
The woman replied angrily, "No I most certainly would not! How dare you try and take advantage of me in a situation like this!"
The homeless responded, "Very well then, I'll just wait for you to get to the bottom."

My wife came home from work and stormed angrily into the bedroom where I was sat.

"I get the impression you aren't being loyal to me," she said.

"Why?" I frowned.

"You've been very quiet recently. And you're always hanging around with that girl from work, Rachel?"

"Rochelle." coughed a voice from the wardrobe.

My favourite lawyer joke

A man walks into a bar and orders a drink.
Upon receiving his drink he mutters: 'all
lawyers are assholes.'
A guy down the bar angrily yells: 'HEY!'
'Oh I'm sorry, are you a lawyer?' The man replies.
'No I'm an asshole!'


If your girlfriend's dad ever angrily asks "where do you get off"

"In your daughter" is the wrong answer

Two scientists walk into a bar...

The first one says, "I'd like some H2O."
The second says, "And I'll have some H2... wait. Why aren't you just referring to water by its normal name? I mean, I know it's our job, but we're just getting a drink."

The first scientist slams the table angrily, for his assassination scheme had been foiled.

My ex-girlfriend's father, a 6'4" retired marine, angrily banged on my door last week.

I opened it and he said, "My daughter came back home crying and penniless because of you!"

"Sir?" I asked.

"When you told me she was old enough to move out of our house, I was skeptical..."

"Yes, sir"

"But you talked to me man to man, looked me in the eye and told me you would take care of her!"

"Yes, sir"

"And you promised me that if she moved in with you and took care of the house she could quit her job and you would cover her weekly income!"

"Yes sir, but I believe this is simple misunderstanding. When I said that, it was two words, not one."

The other night I overheard three very hefty women talking

Their accent appeared to be Scottish, so I approached them and asked: "Hello, are you three lassies from Scotland?"

One of them angrily screeched: "It's Wales, Wales you bloody idiot!"

So I apologized and replied: "I am so sorry. Are you three whales from Scotland?"

And that's the last thing I remember.

A programmer

A programmer is going to the grocery store and his wife tells him, "Buy a gallon of milk, and if there are eggs, buy a dozen." So the programmer goes, buys everything, and drives back to his house. Upon arrival, his wife angrily asks him, "Why did you get 13 gallons of milk?" The programmer says, "There were eggs!"

One day, a teacher said "Whoever can answer my next question can get dismissed now".

Tom threw his bag outside the window.
The teacher asked angrily "Who threw the bag?"
Tom answered "It's me! "

Tom got dismissed early.


Two men in a park.

A creepy guy walks up to another man in a park.
Creepy guy leans close to the man and whispers "do you have any naked photos of your wife?"

The man angrily says "certainly not".

Creepy guy says "would you like to buy some?"

A computer programmer was sitting at home with his wife.

He takes a cigarette out of his pocket, lights it, and takes a puff.
His wife looks at him angrily and says,
"You really need to stop doing that. Can't you see the warning on the box? It says 'hazardous to health!'"
The programmer takes another puff of his cigarette and says,
"I'm a computer programmer. I don't care about warnings. I only care about errors."

I got distracted today while driving and rear-ended the car in front of me.

The car door opened and out hopped the driver. He stormed up to me, all 3' 9" of him, and angrily blurted out "I AM NOT HAPPY!"

*"Which one are you then?"*

I got into a car accident with a midget...

He got out of his car, angrily shaking his fist and yelled, "I'm NOT happy!"

"Well," I replied, "which one are you?"

A man comes home really really drunk....

...clenching a bouquet of flowers.

He goes to the bedroom, turns on the light and in a slurry voice he says:

"Here ya go honey, these are for you.."

To which his wife angrily replies; "Oh well that's great, I guess now you expect me to spread my legs?"

The man looks at the bouquet, then back at his wife and says:

"Why, you don't have a vase?"

His Girlfriend just broke up with him.

After a long day at work he comes home to find more bad news. He walks in on his girlfriend packing her stuff in a backpack.

He asks "Honey I had a bad day at work please don't leave me"

She replies "You don't think I would have found out would you? People are telling me that you're a sick pedophile"

He angrily replies "OHHHH Big word coming from a 12 year old"

edit **thanks ctechastronomy

So a blonde girl takes her goldfish to the vet...

...and she says to the veterinarian, "Hey, I think my goldfish has epilepsy; it has these awful seizures!"

The veterinarian takes one look at the fish and replies, "Well, it looks alright to me."

The blonde replies angrily, "Well Jesus, let me get it out of the bowl first!"

Argon walks into a bar

The bartender looks up angrily, yelling at him, "Get out! We don't take stuck up snobs like you!"

Argon doesn't react.


Dirty Joke

A man and a woman meet in an elevator. "Where are you heading today?" the man asks.
"I'm going down to give blood."
"How much do you get paid for giving blood?"
"About $20."
"Wow," says the man, "I'm going up to donate sperm, and the sperm bank pays $100." The woman angrily gets off the elevator.
The next day, the man and woman meet in the elevator again.
"Fancy meeting you again. Where you off to today?"
"Sperm bank," she says with her mouth full.

A drunk man goes into a restaurtant

A drunk man goes into a restaurtant. He tells the waiter: "I'll have one portion of Carbonara and 2 beers."

The waiter tells him: "Sorry, we don't serve drunk people. Please leave."

The man angrily leaves, comes back 15 minutes later and says: "I'll have one portion of Carbonara and 2 beers."

The waiter tells him again: "Sorry sir, I already told you. We don't serve drunk people. Please leave."

The man leaves again, comes back 20 minutes later and says: "I'll have one portion of Carbonara and 2 beers."

The waiter shouts at him: "Get out of here now! I told you 2 times already: WE DON'T SERVE DRUNK PEOPLE!"

The man asks him: "Dude, is there a restaurant you don't work at?"

A guy with a wooden eye goes to a dance.

He searches the room for a lady ugly enough to dance with someone like himself. He spots one with jutting buck-teeth. He asks, "Will you dance with me?" She replies excitedly, "Would I!?" He angrily yells back at her, "BUCK TEETH!"

So this nun is driving along...

... when suddenly a drunk staggers out into the road in front of her. She skids to a stop, gets out, and scolds him severely, making several derogatory remarks, and angrily lecturing him on how dangerous he was being. The drunk looks at her for a minute, then punches her in the face, knocking her out cold.

Standing over her prone form, the drunk grins triumphantly, and slurs out "Yeah! Not so tough now, are you Batman?".

Grandmas don't know everything.........

Little Tony was 9 years old and was staying with his grandmother for a few days.

He'd been playing outside with the other kids for a while when he came into the house and asked her,
'Grandma, what's that called when two people sleep in the same room and one is on top of the other?'

She was a little taken aback, but she decided to tell him the truth. 'It's called sexual intercourse , darling.

Little Tony said, 'Oh, OK,' and went back outside to play with the other kids.

A few minutes later he came back in and said angrily,
'Grandma, it isn't called sexual intercourse . It's called Bunk Beds.

And Jimmy 's mum wants to talk to you.'

I saw biggish girl at the pub last night,

Her t shirt said "watch out I'm a man eater!"

I went up to her and said " excuse me, love ... About your t shirt slogan."

She interrupted me and angrily snapped " oh let me guess: you want to know how many man I've eaten? Well, you know what, I can't help my size."

I said "Actually, no, I wasn't going to say that at all. "

She looks happier and smiled as she said "Oh yes, what did you what to say then?"

"That's not how you spell manatee."

3 drunk men

Three men hail a taxi. The driverβ€”seeing that they're drunkβ€”decides to pull a fast one. So he switches the engine on, then quickly switches it off and announces, We're here!
The first guy hands him the fare, the second guy says, Thanks, but the third guy angrily smacks the
cabbie's head.
What was that for? asks the cabbie, afraid he's been caught.
That, says the passenger, is for driving so fast!

While playing in the backyard, Johnny kills a honeybee

While playing in the backyard, Little Johnny kills a honeybee. His father sees him killing the honeybee and angrily says, "No honey for you for one month!" Later that afternoon, Johnny's dad catches him tearing the wings off a butterfly. "That's it! No butter for you for one month!" says his dad. Later that evening as Johnny's mother cooks dinner, a cockroach run across the kitchen floor. She jumps and stomps on it, and then looks up to find Little Johnny and her husband watching her. Little Johnny looks at his father and says, "Are you going to tell her, Dad, or do you want me to?

The funniest joke I've heard happen organically.

I was sat in front of a couple I didn't know on the bus who were arguing. The girl was asking why the guy never made more of an effort romantically, but he's saying that it doesn't come naturally to him to make these big gestures. She keeps angrily saying he needs to be more spontaneous.

He says "I'm a guy, I can't just turn it on like a tap."

She says "Force it!"

He says "Fine, I can't just turn it on like a faucet".

Unsurprisingly, this didn't help. Neither did it help that the guy in front of them cracked up and turned around for a high five.

A man and a woman meet in an elevator.

After making small talk the man asks the lady where she's headed.

" I'm going to the blood bank. They're paying 10 dollars to everyone who donates blood this week. " she responded.

The man responded back, " Oh, what a coincidence. I'm headed to the sperm bank. They are paying 100 dollars to everyone who donates sperm this week. "

Without saying another word the woman stormed off the elevator angrily.

The next day they both happen to be on the elevator again together. The man asks her " So, where are you headed today? "

The woman responds with her mouth full " The sperm bank. "

Quit bugging me

While playing in the backyard, Little Johnny kills a honeybee. His father sees him killing the honeybee and angrily says, "No honey for you for one month!"

Later that afternoon, Johnny's dad catches him tearing the wings off a butterfly. "That's it! No butter for you for one month!" says his dad.

Later that evening as Johnny's mother cooks dinner, a cockroach run across the kitchen floor. She jumps and stomps on it, and then looks up to find Little Johnny and her husband watching her.

Little Johnny looks at his father and says, "Are you going to tell her, Dad, or do you want me to?"

Another blonde joke...

A blonde was speeding on a highway when a policeman pulled her over.

The policeman walks up to the blonde and say "excuse me ma'am can I see your driving license and registration."

The blonde looks at the policeman angrily and says "I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you took my license away and then today you expect me to show it to you."

Appalachian couple get married

Jethro and Ellie Mae get married, and after the wedding party they happily drive off in his 68 Ford truck for their honeymoon. But about an hour later, Jethro storms back into his parents house, angrily slamming the door.
The father asks what's going on, and Jethro says, "The weddins off!" The father says, "Well, now sit down there young fella. I don't understand it. Uns had a nice big weddin, all the clans showed up, you youngins seem perfect for each other, what could go wrong?" Jethro says, "I know pa, but she's a virgin!" And the father says,"Well then you dun the right thing: if she's not good enuf fer her own family, she ain't god enuf fer ours."

An officer pulls over a speeding blonde woman

After she rolls down her window, he asks her to take out her license.



She angrily exclaims "Yesterday you guys took away my license and now you expect me to have it on me?"

Joke about how dangerous China is

An American tourist came to China and fell into a construction ditch, he came out, injured, and angrily told the tour guide, "In America, in a dangerous area, we always put up red flags to warn people! Why wasn't there one here?"

The Chinese tour guide very calmly replied, "Didn't you already see it when you entered the country?"

Oh little Johnny you are a real pain

While playing in the backyard, Little Johnny kills a honeybee. His father sees him killing the honeybee and angrily says, "No honey for you for one month!"

Later that afternoon, Johnny's dad catches him tearing the wings off a butterfly. "That's it! No butter for you for one month!" says his dad.

Later that evening as Johnny's mother cooks dinner, a cockroach run across the kitchen floor. She jumps and stomps on it, and then looks up to find Little Johnny and her husband watching her.

Little Johnny looks at his father and says, "Are you going to tell her, Dad, or do you want me to?"

Little Johnny kills a honeybee

While playing in the backyard, Little Johnny kills a honeybee. His father sees him killing the honeybee and angrily says, "No honey for you for one month!"

Later that afternoon, Johnny's dad catches him tearing the wings off a butterfly. "That's it! No butter for you for one month!" says his dad.

Later that evening as Johnny's mother cooks dinner, a cockroach run across the kitchen floor. She jumps and stomps on it, and then looks up to find Little Johnny and her husband watching her.

Little Johnny looks at his father and says, "Are you going to tell her, Dad, or do you want me to?"

A bus conductor pushes a guy out of the bus...

... for not having the money to pay for the ride. The guy dies and the passengers angrily take the conductor to court.
The trial finds him guilty. He is sentenced to death by the electric chair.
Soon he is bounded on the electric chair and the power is fed to the chair. But nothing happens and the man does not die.
The next evening, a lady falls out of a moving bus, the conductor of that bus tries to save her but he couldn't get hold of her and she dies. In light of the previous event, the passengers accuse him of pushing the lady out of the bus for not paying and takes him to court. He is found guilty and gets sentenced to death by the electric chair. But this time, he, being a good conductor, dies.

Do you really have to lick the knife? she growled angrily. Sorry, force of habit. I chuckled. Lots of people do it though, don't they?

Yes, but not during surgery, doctor.

2 spies were captured by the goverment

They both sat in the interrogation room.

The first spy whispered to the second spy "Whatever you do.... Dont say a word..."

An officer came into the room and asked "what is your name?"

The second spy just looked down for a few seconds and said "jabbaracko"

The first spy stared at the second spy angrily and whispered "what did i just say?!"

The second spy looked at the other and said "Oh when we played Scrabble you said 'thats not a word' but NOW its a word"

Borrowed Car

One day Phil had to borrow a car, so he asked his friend Bob. Bob said that it was fine, so he gave Phil the keys and told him to return them by the end of the day. A week later, Phil hadn't returned the car. Bob called Phil angrily and asked why he hadn't given it back yet. Phil replied, "I drove by your house a bunch of times, but I didn't see your car in the driveway, so I thought you weren't home!"

A fat British man walks into a store...

... He sees a box of pills labeled "Lose 50 Pounds Instantly, if it doesn't work we'll give you your money back!". Excited and with nothing to lose, the man promptly purchases the pills and gobbles them down on the spot, but to not effect. Angrily, he tells the cashier it didn't work and he wants his money back. The cashier replies "Yes it did, you have the receipt as proof."

An Australian man has just arrived to America

An Australian man has just arrived to America and almost got hit by a car while crossing the road.

The American driver got out of his car very angrily and yelled:

"Did you come here to die?!"

"No, I came here yesterday."

A man attacks a woman wearing a fur coat..

..and shouts at her angrily - "Do you have any idea how many minks had to die for you to wear that fur??"

"It is not mink, it's polyester!"

"Doesn't matter!! Do you know how many polyesters had to die!?"

You've Got Blonde

A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his attractive blonde neighbor came out of the house and went straight to the mailbox. She opened it then slammed it shut and stormed back into the house. A little later she came out of her house again, went to the mailbox and again opened it, and slammed it shut again. Angrily, back into the house she went.

As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, she came out again, marched to the mailbox, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever.

Puzzled by her actions the man asked her, "Is something wrong?"

To which she replied, "There certainly is!"

My stupid computer keeps saying, "You've got mail!"

A pizza guy enters an obesity clinic and says, "I have 15 meat lover pizzas with extra cheese."

The nurse at the receptionist desk angrily asks him, "Why would you come here and mock our patients?"

The pizza guy defensively answers, "It's just what the doctor ordered!"

An old man is walking through a crowded cafeteria...

Blocking the exit is a man with 14 children.

The old man scowls and makes his way through the children, but his metal cane hits some of the childrens' legs as well as the man's legs.

The man angrily says "Hey, could you put some rubber on that tip of yours! You're bangin' us up!"

The old man haughtily replies "If you had done that before then we wouldn't be in this situation!"

A man marries a women who is a very good cook..

Every time she makes something he says,
"This doesnt taste like how my mom used to make it."

Final after a year of this at every meal she angrily asks, " How did your moms taste??!!"

"Awful" He replies.

Two salesmen were going door to door

Two salesmen were going door to door. They knocked on one door and a woman answered. She was extremely unhappy to see them.

She told them angrily she did not want to hear their offer and slammed the door in their faces. But to her surprise, the door bounced back open. She tried again and really slammed the door hard, but again it was the same result – the door bounced back open.

Convinced the rude salesmen were sticking a foot in her door, she reared back to give it a huge slam that would teach them a lesson, when one of the men said, Ma'am, before you do that again, you need to move your cat.

A dad has 3 daughters and 1 son

They all live in a pretty casual house.

One day, one of his daughters came into his room and said: "Um, hey Dad, I'm lesbian."
Fuming, he sends her to her room angrily.
Then comes his 2nd daughter: "Um, hey Dad, I'm lesbian too"
The father is now angrier than humanly possible, right then, the 3rd daughter came in: "Um, hey Dad, I'm also lesbian..."
With all the might he can, he shouts: "DOES NOBODY IN THIS DAMNED HOUSE LIKE BOYS?!"
In comes his son: "Um, hey Dad..."

Mail

A man was in his front yard mowing grass, when his attractive blonde female neighbor, Judy, came out of her house and went straight to the mailbox. She opened it, then slammed it shut and stormed back into the house.
A little later she came out of her house again, went to the mail box, and again opened it and slammed it shut again. Angrily, back into the house she went.
As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, she came out again, marched to the mail box, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever.
Puzzled by her actions the man asked her, "Is something wrong?"
To which she replied, "There certainly is! My stupid computer keeps saying, YOU'VE GOT MAIL."

A platoon of soldiers is overseas fighting the battle of a lifetime

when all of the sudden, Private Smith runs out of ammo. He yells over for his Sergeant for some more, when the Sergeant throws him a stick. "What am I supposed to do with this?!" Smith yells angrily. In a joking manner, the Sergeant replies "Point it at the enemy, and yell BANGITY BANGITY BANGITY!!!

Private Smith mutters "You've gotta be kidding" but just to prove his Sergeant is an idiot, he does it. An enemy soldier comes up, he points the stick at him and yells BANGITY BANGITY BANGITY. Enemy dies. Smith thinks "There's no way that worked, someone else must have shot him, let me try it again." BANGITY BANGITY BANGITY! Another soldier goes down. Bewildered, he does it again, and again, with great success. Private Smith kills many people in this manner, and he begins to get very cocky.

His platoon is patrolling a rural road, when they get ambushed, and Private Smith knows that to do. BANGITY BANGITY BANGITY!!! BANGITY BANGITY BANGITY! BANGITY BANGITY BANGI-AAAAGGGHHHH! He starts writhing on the ground in immense pain. His Sergeant pulls him to safety and asks whats wrong. Smith replies "Somebody yelled tankity tankity tankity"

An officer pulls over a speeding blonde and asks her for her license.

She angrily exclaims "Yesterday you took away my license and now you want to see it again?"

A man gets married and wants to have children

A man gets married and wants to have children. His wife works hard at her job performing autopsies, and they save up enough money to where the husband starts talking seriously about having a child. She is very stand-offish about it, but he continues to bring it up repeatedly. One day, after picking her up from her job at the morgue, he confronts her, asking "Why don't you want to have children?" Angrily, she turns to him and tells him "Because nobody puts a baby in a coroner."

This father has always been disappointed by his son...

One day he sees his son watching tv and asks him

"Son, how old are you?"

"I'm 5 Dad!" says his son, joyful

To which the father angrily replies "Me, at your age, I was 6!"

This husband wins the fight every time.

A newlywed couple are having their first big fight since being married. Things start getting heated when the husband angrily says "You know I'm right, I'm twice as smart as you!" Furious, the wife asks incredulously "What the heck, how could you say that!" The husband responds, "Well, just look at who I married compared to who you married, and tell me who is smarter!"

Use this one with caution in your own marriage :-)

Blonde + Computer = ?

A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his attractive blonde female neighbor came out of the house and went straight to the mailbox.

She opened it then slammed it shut and stormed back in the house.

A little later she came out of her house again went to the mail box and again, opened it, slammed it shut again.. Angrily, back into the house she went.

As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, here she came out again, marched to the mail box, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever.

Puzzled by her actions the man asked her, "Is something wrong?"

To which she replied,"There certainly is!"

"My stupid computer keeps saying, **'YOU'VE GOT MAIL!'**"

Obama's no longer President

January 21,2017 an old man walks up to White House gate and tells security guard: "I want to see President Obama."
Very patiently the guard says: "He's not President anymore." The old man quietly walks away.
January 22 same old man walks up to the gate and says: "I want to see President Obama."
Same guard says: "He's not President anymore." The old man quietly walks away.
January 23 same old man walks up to the gate and says: "I want to see President Obama."
Angrily the guard says: "I told you the last two days that he's not President anymore."
The old man turns away and quietly says: "I just like hearing you say it."

Mike and his Grandpa

Mike was 5 years old and was staying with his grandfather for a few days.
He'd been playing outside with the other kids, when he came into the house and asked,"Grandpa, what's that called when two people sleep in the same bedroom and one is on top of the other?"
His Grandpa was a little taken aback, but he decided to tell him the truth. "Well, Mike, it's called sexual intercourse."
'Oh,' Little Mike said, 'OK,' and went back outside to play with the other kids.

A few minutes later he came back in and said angrily, "Grandpa, it isn't called sexual intercourse. It's called Bunk Beds....And Jimmy's mom wants to talk to you."

A couple was having a quarrel in a lodge...

The man calls the manager and says, "I'm having an argument with my wife, and now she wants to jump out the window please come fast!"

The Manager angrily responds, "I am sorry sir this is your personal issue, please do not waste my time again."

The Husband replies back, "The window is not opening. This is not a personal issue, this is a maintenance issue."

A slightly overweight transgendered person walks into a health food store

the manager instantly runs up and tells her to leave the store, "why?" she asks confusedly, the manager points angrily at a sign on the door

"No trans fats"

(I dont mean to offend anyone, I just heard this from a trans friend.)

What did Gordon Ramsey shout angrily at his girlfriend?

"IT'S ALL PINK IN THE MIDDLE"

A redneck and a midget get into an accident

The midget gets out of his car, hands on his hips and squeaks angrily, "I am not happy!"

The redneck spits and drawls "so which one are you?"

Can I get the Wifi pass ?

Today I went to the restaurant. I saw there is WIFI service. So I ask for the password. The waitress told me eat first. So I place my orders. After eating I ask again for the password and again she told me eat first. Feeling frustrated, again I order black coffee. After drinking again I ask for the password. They told me eat first. I then angrily ask the restaurant manager for the password. He replied eat first. Before I wanted to explode, I finally saw a sign showing the WIFI password: "eat first"

Homework.

A girl is doing her homework and her little brother walks in. She asks him for help with a question and he refuses. Angrily she says "Just tell me what the division of two cells is and I won't hurt you". He still won't tell her so she stamps on his foot. "Tell me!" she yells "ouch! mitosis!."

A guy walks into a hotel

He asks at the front desk for his reservation .

The manager asks about his details and then gives him the key.

The guest then takes his room key and goes into the elevator.

After half an hour he comes back and angrily complains the manger that he couldn't find his room

The manager calmly replies," Well what did you expect when you booked room 404?."

Johnny and his Bugs

While playing in the backyard, Little Johnny kills a honeybee. His father sees him killing the honeybee and angrily says, "No honey for you for one month!" Later that afternoon, Johnny's dad catches him tearing the wings off a butterfly. "That's it! No butter for you for one month!" says his dad. Later that evening as Johnny's mother cooks dinner, a cockroach run across the kitchen floor. She jumps and stomps on it, and then looks up to find Little Johnny and her husband watching her. Little Johnny looks at his father and says, "Are you going to tell her, Dad, or do you want me to?"

I came home to my wife yelling "The square root of pi!" angrily.

I told her she was being irrational.

The attorney filed a motion for a new trial. The judge barked angrily "On what grounds!?"

"Your honor," the lawyer explained, "my client has discovered some money that I didn't know he had."

An old Jedi master named Ben stole Luke Skywalker's last pastry.

Angrily, Luke shouted after him as he ran away, Hey, you Owe Me One Canoli!

Blonde father

A blonde guy and a brunette girl were happily married and about to have a baby.

One day, the wife started having contractions, so the husband rushed her to the hospital. He held her hand as she went through a trying birth. In the end, there were two little baby boys.

The blonde guy turned to his wife and angrily said, All right, who's the other father?

My boss called me.

"Why are you late?!" he asked angrily.

"I'm stuck behind a group of bikers." I replied.

He said, "Can't you just ask them to move over?"

"But they look tough," I replied, "And the barman hasn't served them yet."

A woman goes to the doctor to ask how she can get bigger boobs...



The doctor says: "just rub a piece of toilet paper between your boobs every day"

1 month later she still has no result despite doing exactly what the doctor asked. The woman goes back and asks angrily: "doc, i rub a piece of toilet paper between them every day, yet my boobs are still the same size! How is this possible?"



The doctor says:" Well, i dunno it worked with your ass..."

Two mexican children are learning how to count in english

The first one asks: "What was it that comes after twenty?

The second one absentmindedly replies: "What?"

To which the first one angrily responds: "Twenty, Juan!"

A little girl runs to her mum

"Mummy, I just saw a rat as big as an elephant!".
Her mum starts shouting angrily at her: "I told you one hundred thousands billions times not to exaggerate things!"

The 16-yo son returns home at 10am the next day..

.. The Father asks angrily: "Son, where have you been for such a long time?"
Son replies: "Dad, I'm not a virgin anymore!"
The father in relaxed tone: "Son, sit down and tell me the whole story".
The son replies: "Telling the story OK, but sitting NO!"

A man and his daughter get into an intense arguement.

Finally the daughter can take it anymore and storms off to her room shouting "Jim Morrison is over rated" before angrily shutting her bedroom door.

Her father equally as angry yelled back "How many times do I have to tell you? In this house we dont slam The Doors."

The preacher arrived at church...

...muttering angrily under his breath.

"Goodness, what's wrong?" asked his secretary when he came into the office.

"It's raining like crazy out there," said the preacher, "and I can't find my umbrella! I had it here at the church last week, and I think one of the congregation must have stolen it. Well, I'm not gonna stand for it! This morning I'm gonna give an old-fashioned fire and brimstone sermon reminding them of the fiery fate that awaits sinners! It'll put the fear of God in them! Then I'll recite the Ten Commandments, and when I get to the one about stealing, I guarantee the thief will break down and beg for my forgiveness!"

An hour later, after the service, he came back to the office.

"Did it work?" asked the secretary? "Did the thief confess when you got to the commandment about stealing?"

"No," said the preacher. "When I got to the one about adultery, I remembered where I left my umbrella."

Doctor's Office

A man is called into the doctor's office for his yearly checkup. When he enters the office, the doctor tells the man that he needs to stop masturbating.

The man is taken aback. Angrily, he asks the doctor why.

The doctor says "So I can examine you."

A beautiful blonde strode angrily into the large store,

A beautiful blonde strode angrily into the large store and slapped a package on the counter, and loudly expressed her dissatisfaction.

The clerk asked, "What's the problem? Wouldn't your cat eat them?"

The woman's eyes got very large, and she whispered, "Do you mean to tell me that 'Pussy Treats' are meant for 'cats'?"

Getting punch at a party.

A drunk stumbles into a party and gets in line to grab a drink from the punchbowl. Upon reaching the terminus, he spills the entire bowl all over the table and those closest to him in line. A bouncer seizes him by the scuff of the neck and angrily declares: "Look what you've done! You've screwed up the punchline!"

Little Susie

Little Susie came home from school one day and shouted "Mom! Mom! I made $5 today!" Her mother asked "How did you do that, Little Susie?" Little Susie said "I was walking home from school when a man offered me $5 to climb a pole!" Her mother was appalled and said "Little Susie, don't do that! That man just wanted to get a look at your underwear!"

The next day, Little Susie came home from school and shouted "Mom! Mom! I made $5 today!" Her mother angrily said "Little Susie! What did I tell you about that? That man just wants to look at your underwear!" Little Susie smiled and said "But mom I tricked him... I wasn't wearing any underwear."

A large group walks into a bar...

The first guy orders a shot of rum and asks the bartender to open a tab for him. The next person also asks for a shot of rum and asks the bartender to open a tab for her. The third person does the same. After the twentieth person in the row does the same thing, the bartender screams angrily, storms out of the bar, gets into his car, and immediately gets into an accident. A member of the group, confused, asks his friend what had just happened. He responds, "Well we had too many tabs open, and he ran out of rum, so he tried to force quit and ended up crashing."

A penitent man decided to give up sex for Lent...

A penitent man decided to give up sex for the Lenten season. His wife was not informed of this situation, however. One the second night after Ash Wednesday, she showed some interest in relations. Rebuffing her advances he said, "I'm sorry, honey--I can't. It's Lent."

Angrily, she replied, "To whom and how long?"

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

Joko Jokes