Anger Jokes
133 anger jokes and hilarious anger puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about anger that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
If you're looking for a good laugh, check out our collection of anger jokes. From funny one-liners to hilarious stories, we've got plenty of material to help you take the edge off.
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Funniest Anger Short Jokes
Short anger jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The anger humour may include short rage jokes also.
- How to anger lord of the rings fans? When you're watching The Two Towers and the ents are marching, shout "RUN, FOREST! RUN!"
- A woman's anger is like a Check Engine light... There's no easy way to know what caused it, so just ignore it and hope it goes away.
- Sorry is a really weird word. If a normal person says it, your anger is gone but if a doctor says it, you are gone.
- My therapist told me to listen to classical music before work to help with my anger management issues. This morning I woke up and chose violins.
- There is a trend in psychotherapy called Anger Expression therapy where the patient is to express any anger immediately no matter how small or trivial. Its all the rage.
- Bernie Sanders was asked why he is still in the race and he responded "there are still some states left for me." Those states are Denial, Anger, Grief, Bargaining and Acceptance.
- When I was a teenager, I used to punch my memory foam pillow when my anger was getting beyond control. Now it's memorized all my moves, and I live in constant fear.
- 1. Denial 2. Anger 3. Bargaining 4. Depression 5. Acceptance ... The 5 stages of buying petrol.
- There's a lot of anger out there about the mlk speech/Dodge Ram Superbowl ad... Kylie Jenner should hand out some Pepsi to calm things down.
- I think I might have accidentally angered my doctor during my physical... He told me, "That does it! The gloves are coming off!"
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Anger One Liners
Which anger one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with anger? I can suggest the ones about alarm and gent.
- Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance Saturday, Sunday
- I received a flier on anger management the other day I lost it
- Someone gave me a book on anger Management I lost it
- My son broke my only glasses out of anger I could never look at him the same
- What do you call a protein that has anger management issues? Amino acid!
- 2016 Denial 2017 Anger
2018 Bargaining
2019 Depression
2020 Acceptance - I walked into work and my boss handed me a brochure on anger management. I just lost it.
- What would Jesus say if you angered him? "I'm Crossed."
- Why do T Rexes have such bad anger issues? Because their fathers never hugged them.
- Why is anger the new hip emotion? It's all the rage.
- So I just started anger management Apparently it's all the rage right now
- I slapped my violin out of anger I got arrested for domestic violins
- I always stick up for feminists. Their anger arouses me.
- What makes you irrationaly angery? When I can't express my anger in fraction.
- I threw my mouse at the wall in anger Everyone at the vet looked on in horror
Anger Management Jokes
Here is a list of funny anger management jokes and even better anger management puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- It's best to hire people with anger issues into high positions Most of them have already had management training
- Why did the saxophone player have to go to anger management? He had a bad ALTOtude problem.
- An eye is going to anger management The counselor asks the eye why are you currently in anger management? To which the eye responds Eyelash out at people when I get angry and I can't stop.
- Hopefully I will win the Biggest Improvement award at the anger management ceremony. The competition is fierce.
- I'm starting an anger management group for mechanical engineers. I'm calling it Machine Against the Rage
- Why did the vegan get sent to anger management? He had a bad tempeh...
- Cellphone Anger Management Some people get angry when their cell phone runs out of power: they just need to find an outlet.
- Husband: Everytime I hit you, you never fight back. How do you manage your anger?
Wife: I clean the toilet seat...
Husband: How does it help
Wife: I use your toothbrush! - A documentary of when Elton John developed anger problems and went to anger management. Goodbye Yellow Brick Road Rage.
- I went to an anger management class once. But the teacher looked at me funny and it all kicked off.
Anger Issues Jokes
Here is a list of funny anger issues jokes and even better anger issues puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What does a beatboxer do when he's extremely angry at some boxes? He realizes he has anger issues.
- What do you call a workaholic with anger issues? My father.
- What do you call the glamorously dapper bouncer at the local laundromat who helped the singer of "Never Gonna Give You Up" through his anger issues? Fab Rick softening deter gent.
- I've been having anger issues and I keep hitting my keyboard But just today I realised I've lost control
Cheerful Fun Anger Jokes for Lovely Laughter
What funny jokes about anger you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean utter jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make anger pranks.
My therapist told me that a great way to let go of your anger is to write letters to people you hate and then burn them...
I did that and I feel much better but I'm wondering...do I keep the letters?
A boy and his mother are watching TV
There are a lot of guns being fired in the show. So after the show is over the kid has the gun shots in his mind, and keeps repeating "BANG BANG BANG", "BANG BANG BANG"... This continues throughout the day. By the evening the mother is really tired and out of anger tells the boy "Be Silent".
So the boy starts "ANG ANG ANG", "ANG ANG ANG"..
Dolf is the weatherman at KTVY, the local CBS affiliate in Kansas City.
He's also a closet communist, and has a bit of an anger management problem. During their Christmas Eve broadcast Dolf forecasts a cold and rainy Christmas day, then turns it over to Erin, the anchor he's been dating for the past few months:
"Dolf, are you sure its just rain for tomorrow? I bet everyone's praying for a little snow tonight!"
"No no Erin, just rain for tomorrow"
"Are you sure we can't look forward to a white Christmas?"
"NO! RUDOLF THE RED KNOWS RAIN, DEAR!"
The Great Writer
There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire to become a great writer.
When asked to define great, he said, "I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain and anger!"
He now works for Microsoft writing error messages.
Eyes
Two men are sitting in a bar, talking to eachother. One asks the other if he ever looks his wife in the eyes while making love. "I did once" the other responds, "But I saw a lot of anger in her eyes". The first, looking confused: "Why was that?"
"Because she was looking from outside through the window!"
A man takes his wife golfing
They always go together every Sunday for the past 25 years of their marriage
One Sunday they got to the 9th hole and the woman stops her husband and says "Honey, we've been together 25 years and I trust you with all of my heart. With that being said, I haven't been completely honest with you during this relationship."
The wife goes on and eventually explains to the husband that she was actually born a man.
The husband is in shock and walks away in anger after hearing the news.
Finally the husband returns after thinking long and hard about what he had just heard and says to his wife: ......."You mean to tell me all of these years you've been hitting from the women's tees?!"
So I toured America...
I went through three states. Anger, disgust, and disappointment.
A gentleman boasted that his parrot would repeat anything he told him.
A gentleman was boasting that his parrot would repeat anything he told him. For example, he told him several times, before some friends, to say Uncle, but the parrot would not repeat it. In anger he seized the bird, and half-twisting his neck, said: Say 'uncle,' you beggar! and threw him into the fowl pen, in which he had ten prize fowls. Shortly afterward, thinking he had killed the parrot, he went to the pen. To his surprise he found nine of the fowls dead on the floor with their necks wrung, and the parrot standing on the tenth twisting his neck and screaming: Say 'uncle,' you beggar! say uncle.'
-----
This English joke was printed in the Iowa Citizen on October 9th, 1891. It is believed to be the origin of the American idiom of "crying Uncle."
A farm boy comes down to eat some breakfast
On the table, is bacon, eggs and a huge glass of milk. However, before the boy could have anything, his mom demanded that he take out the garbage.
Angry at the world, the boy goes outside to take the garbage. On his way back inside, he stops at the pig pen, and kicks a pig in anger. He stops at the chicken coup and kicks a chicken in anger. He then stops at the cow barn and kicks a cow in anger.
Back inside, the boy feeling better, sits down. Only to find a bowl of dry cereal. He exclaims, "What's this?!"
The mom replies, "Well, because you kicked the pig, you get no bacon. Because you kicked the chicken, you get no eggs. And because you kicked the cow you get no milk."
Suddenly, an angry voice comes from the other room. Tripping, the dad kicks the cat in anger.
The boy responds, "Wanna tell him or should I?"
Life
Old man has 8 hair on his head.
He went to Barber shop.
Barber in anger asked:
shall i cut or count ?
Old man smiled and said:
"Colour it!"
LIFE is to enjoy with whatever you have with you, keep smiling
Multiple-choice test results
I got a 11 out of 200 in a multiple choice test and the teacher was fuming with anger.
To demonstrate how bad I did he took out an empty answer sheet, put a shoe mark on it and fed it into the marking machine.
The result is 18 out of 200...
Great Place to Deal with Anger Management
My wife look upon me in disgust and anger when she found out i slept with my patients.
Its not my fault i am a vet
Annoying husband
Husband says: When I get mad at you, you never fight back. How do you control your anger?
Wife says: I clean the toilet...
Husband says: How does that help?
Wife says: I use your Toothbrush.....
3-year-old girl
My 3-year-old niece, stomping her feet in anger, making faces.
Me: What's wrong ?
3-year-old: NOTHING!
Phew! she's already a woman :-o
Today is the day when Marty Mcfly was supposed to arrive in the future and we still don't have hoverboards!
I bet you that Michael J. Fox is just sitting at home shaking with anger
Why was 6 afraid of 7?
Since seven was a child, he has always been a prime number. He excelled at everything he did, but he was kind of odd. Seven was very vengeful and quick to anger. Even though he was popular and well praised, he couldn't stand the sight of six, who was well rounded and has a good circle of tight friends.
When prom came, seven was alone and bitter. Of all his achievements, not one helped him land a date. Then six came in with his +1. Filled to the brim with jealousy, seven spread rumors that 6 and 9 were performing unspeakable acts. Six was alone again.
While walking to class, six saw seven with six's former +1 and averted his eyes. As they passed by eachother, seven whispered into six's ear "now, we're even".
A genie gives a man three wishes...
One day a man was waking along the beach when he tripped over a lamp. He turned around and kicked the lamp out of anger. A few seconds later, a genie popped out of the lamp.
Reluctantly, the genie said, "Even though you kicked me, I still have to give you three wishes. However, because of what you did, I will also give twice what you wish for to the person you hate the most: your boss."
So the man agreed and made his first wish. "I want lots of money", he said. Instantly 22 million dollars appeared in the man's bank account and 44 million appeared in his boss' account.
For his second wish, the man wished for a couple of sports cars. Instantly a Lamborghini, Ferrari and Porsche appeared. At the same time two of each car appeared outside of his boss' house.
Finally the genie said, "This is your last wish, you should choose carefully," and to this the man replied, "I've always wanted to donate a kidney..."
How do you handle a redheads anger?
Gingerly.
Bridge blown up
During a drill a bridge is labeled with a sign as blown up. To his anger the drill instructor sees a whole platoon crossing the bridge. The last soldier has a sign on his back. The instructor pulls out his binoculars. The sign reads: We're swimming.
I hate when people make fun of people with epilepsy
It makes me so mad I shake and twitch with anger
What does Metallica's St. Anger and Star Wars VIII have in common?
No solo.
If anger from hunger is called "hanger", what is sadness called?
"Melancalorie"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Life has never given me lemons
It has given me anger issues, anxiety, stress, a love for alcohol, and a serious dislike for s**... people
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Chinese man is making love to his wife...
The man is going for it m**... style, he slides up her body, kisses her softly and whispers in her ear, "Baby, I wanna 69!". Immediately, her face turns from pleasure to confusion and anger, she replies, "You want Salt and Pepper Chicken NOW?"
Every animal goes through the stages of grief (denial, bargaining, anger, deppresion, etc.)
except ants, for some reason.
Someone stole my anger management medication...
You can probably guess how I feel about it.
I MEAN, WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WITH THIS PENT-UP RIVER OF ANGER TO KEEP IT FROM SPILLING OUT??!?!?!!!?!
DAM IT!!
Trump got angry with computers again...
Trump got angry with computers again, and ordered that White House staff are no longer allowed to use email to communicate.
Conway calmed him down and came up with a work-around. White House staff can continue using email, but in order not to anger Trump, they have to call it by a different name:
"Alternative Fax"
US Representatives are like the dislike button on Youtube comments
They are supposed to be there to represent your dissent and anger, but never actually do.
What's the difference between American currency and monopoly currency?
One has destroyed homes, torn families apart, and has created anger and sadness. Oh, and the other is American currency.
The wife & I have just been to the cinema to see that film, Suffragette.
Two hours of a woman's struggle... full of tears, aggression, sadness, anger and frustration.
Anyway, after she finally managed to park the car in the cinema car park, we rushed in and caught the credits.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What could be a polite British way of letting out frustration and anger?
s**... my T!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A painter's patience (my first joke)
A painter asked his client where to start painting his house.
-"Roof" said the client.
-"Ok" said the painter.
Moments later after hard work, the painter went back to ask where to proceed painting.
-"Where now?" Said the painter.
-"Roof!" Yelled the client.
-"I already painted there, tell me where to paint now..." Said the painter with little patience.
-"Roof!!" Yelled the client again
With anger in his eyes the painter said:
-"That's it! This is the last time i paint a dog's house!"
I hope you have a s**... smile because of this s**... joke.
(Blonde joke I just remembered) A blonde and a brunette...
A blonde and a brunette are walking in a shopping mall and spot a man with really bad dandruff. He has a look of visible anger on his face as he passes the two girls. The brunette says "Wow, that guy could use some Head & Shoulders." The blonde says back "How do you give Shoulders?"
As I was walking through the woods I got hit in the head by some shell fragments.
I tried to ignore it but it happened a second time and then a third.
Looking up in anger I saw two squirrels that looked like they were up to no good, so I screamed up at them, "what are you trying to do start a war?!?!"
The bigger of the two looked down at me and said, "nah man, just trying to bust a nut."
Woman Talks
An elderly couple talk in the evening: Honey,
I'm so sorry that I let out my anger at you so often.
How do you manage to stay so calm with my foul moods?
I always go and clean the toilet when that happens.
And that helps? Yes, because I'm using your toothbrush.
RuPaul quit playing poker in anger when he learned...
A straight beat three we queens.
My family and I rode Space Mountain as Joy, Disgust, and Anger from Inside Out.
It was a rollercoaster of emotions.
What's Orpheus's most hated song?
Don't look back in anger by Oasis
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
USSR Joke Adapted For 2018
On a tour of Washington D.C. a young man lags behind the tour group to take a longer look at the White House. However, he was quite upset with the President and in a moment of anger he shouts across the lawn "The President is a disgusting pig". As he turns to walk away the D.C. police quickly arrest the man and he is taken before a judge. The Judge takes a cursory glance at the charges and sentences the man to 4 years in prison. In disbelief he yells to the judge "I didn't know insulting the President was a crime". The Judge lowers his glasses and says "Insulting the President isn't a crime, but revealing state secrets is".
My granddad ate the confetti thrown at him out of sheer anger
In spite of my anger, I decided not to bring my wetsuit to the beach.
It was a rash decision.
The Teacher tells her class: Your science test was terrible. 32% of you got an F.
A blonde student shouts in anger: That can't be right, there's not even 20 of us in the class!"
If anger can be expressed as "Ire"
is Ireland the land of angry people?
When Gandhi was on his first hunger strike
People would routinely bring him flattened bread in an attempt to get him to eat. What people don't understand though is that Gandhi was actually a very temperamental man, and prone to anger. So even when his friends and family were the ones bringing him bread, he would take it and hurl it at them, sometimes leaving bruises and welts. He justified it by saying it was all a part of his philosophy of naan-violence.
What do you work with?
... anger
A well and a bucket had a fight. The well left in anger. It returned after a few days. What did the bucket say?
Hope you're well.
My friend gave me the phone number for an Anger Management Counselor the other day
I admit, I lost it
"May your thousand generations be childless!" yelled my best friend in anger.
He never did think his curses through...
I went to the doctor and he cloned me without my permission.
I was beside myself with anger.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
If ire is an old fashioned synonym for anger,
Is Ireland the land of angry people?
Why shouldn't you anger a violinist?
Because they'll get violint
A husband asks his wife, "You never argue when I get mad at you. How do you always control your anger?"
"I clean the toilet."
"How does that help?"
"I use your toothbrush."
Scientists have discovered a certain activity that diminishes a woman's anger by 90 percent.
SHOPPING
If the coca-cola bear had random anger fits,
he'd be a bi-polar bear.
