Anger Jokes

Following is our collection of funnies and chistes working better than reddit. They include Anger puns, dirty or clean gags suitable for kids, that are actually fun like the best witze.

The Best jokes about Anger

I angered two people by calling them hipsters...

Apparently the correct term is conjoined twins.

My therapist told me that a great way to let go of your anger is to write letters to people you hate and then burn them...


I did that and I feel much better but I'm wondering...do I keep the letters?

Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance

Saturday, Sunday

I received a flier on anger management the other day

I lost it

My wife gave me a brochure on anger management the other day.

I lost it.


My wife gave me a leaflet about anger management last week...

I lost it.

Eyes

Two men are sitting in a bar, talking to eachother. One asks the other if he ever looks his wife in the eyes while making love. "I did once" the other responds, "But I saw a lot of anger in her eyes". The first, looking confused: "Why was that?"

"Because she was looking from outside through the window!"

How to anger Lord of the Rings fans?

When you're watching The Two Towers and the ents are marching, shout "RUN, FOREST! RUN!"

Someone gave me a book on anger Management

I lost it

A mentor of mine once told me

that a great way to let go of your anger is to write letters to people you hate and then burn them. Well, I did that and I feel much, much better, but I'm not sure what to do with all these letters.

Annoying husband

Husband says: When I get mad at you, you never fight back. How do you control your anger?
Wife says: I clean the toilet...
Husband says: How does that help?
Wife says: I use your Toothbrush.....


My therapist gave me a pamphlet on anger management

I lost it.

My son broke my only glasses out of anger

I could never look at him the same

A guy on the street stopped me to give me a flier on anger management.

I lost it.

The Great Writer

There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire to become a great writer.

When asked to define great, he said, "I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain and anger!"

He now works for Microsoft writing error messages.

A woman's anger is like a Check Engine light...

There's no easy way to know what caused it, so just ignore it and hope it goes away.

(Blonde joke I just remembered) A blonde and a brunette...

A blonde and a brunette are walking in a shopping mall and spot a man with really bad dandruff. He has a look of visible anger on his face as he passes the two girls. The brunette says "Wow, that guy could use some Head & Shoulders." The blonde says back "How do you give Shoulders?"

A genie gives a man three wishes...

One day a man was waking along the beach when he tripped over a lamp. He turned around and kicked the lamp out of anger. A few seconds later, a genie popped out of the lamp.

Reluctantly, the genie said, "Even though you kicked me, I still have to give you three wishes. However, because of what you did, I will also give twice what you wish for to the person you hate the most: your boss."

So the man agreed and made his first wish. "I want lots of money", he said. Instantly 22 million dollars appeared in the man's bank account and 44 million appeared in his boss' account.

For his second wish, the man wished for a couple of sports cars. Instantly a Lamborghini, Ferrari and Porsche appeared. At the same time two of each car appeared outside of his boss' house.

Finally the genie said, "This is your last wish, you should choose carefully," and to this the man replied, "I've always wanted to donate a kidney..."

Why was 6 afraid of 7?

Since seven was a child, he has always been a prime number. He excelled at everything he did, but he was kind of odd. Seven was very vengeful and quick to anger. Even though he was popular and well praised, he couldn't stand the sight of six, who was well rounded and has a good circle of tight friends.

When prom came, seven was alone and bitter. Of all his achievements, not one helped him land a date. Then six came in with his +1. Filled to the brim with jealousy, seven spread rumors that 6 and 9 were performing unspeakable acts. Six was alone again.

While walking to class, six saw seven with six's former +1 and averted his eyes. As they passed by eachother, seven whispered into six's ear "now, we're even".


There is a trend in psychotherapy called Anger Expression therapy where the patient is to express any anger immediately no matter how small or trivial.

Its all the rage.

Why is six afraid of seven?

Since seven was a child, he has always been a prime number. He excelled at everything he did, but he was kind of odd. Seven was very vengeful and quick to anger. Even though he was popular and well praised, he couldn't stand the sight of six, who was well rounded and has a good circle of tight friends.

When prom came, seven was alone and bitter. Of all his achievements, not one helped him land a date. Then six came in with his +1. Filled to the brim with jealousy, seven spread rumors that 6 and 9 were performing unspeakable acts. Six was alone again.

While walking to class, six saw seven with six's former +1and averted his eyes. As they passed by eachother, seven whispered into six's ear "now, we're even".

Bernie Sanders was asked why he is still in the race

and he responded "there are still some states left for me." Those states are Denial, Anger, Grief, Bargaining and Acceptance.

Anger Management

As part of my anger management counseling my therapist said I should "Write letters to the people you hate and then burn them."

So I did, but now I don't know what to do with the letters.

The wife & I have just been to the cinema to see that film, Suffragette.

Two hours of a woman's struggle... full of tears, aggression, sadness, anger and frustration.

Anyway, after she finally managed to park the car in the cinema car park, we rushed in and caught the credits.

When I was a teenager, I used to punch my memory foam pillow when my anger was getting beyond control.

Now it's memorized all my moves, and I live in constant fear.

A painter's patience (my first joke)

A painter asked his client where to start painting his house.

-"Roof" said the client.

-"Ok" said the painter.

Moments later after hard work, the painter went back to ask where to proceed painting.

-"Where now?" Said the painter.

-"Roof!" Yelled the client.

-"I already painted there, tell me where to paint now..." Said the painter with little patience.

-"Roof!!" Yelled the client again

With anger in his eyes the painter said:

-"That's it! This is the last time i paint a dog's house!"

I hope you have a stupid smile because of this stupid joke.

What do you call a protein that has anger management issues?

Amino acid!

Someone at school stole my thesaurus.

My anger is indescribable.

Life has never given me lemons

It has given me anger issues, anxiety, stress, a love for alcohol, and a serious dislike for stupid people

Two chemists walk into a bar

The bartender asks "What shall I get you two tonight"

The first chemist says "I'll take it easy tonight, just give me H2O"

The second chemist says "I'll have some H2O as well"

The first chemist is then filled with anger as the joke he heard gave him false hope in his assassination attempt

An aspiring writer once said, I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain and anger!

He now writes error messages for the Microsoft Corporation.

As I was walking through the woods I got hit in the head by some shell fragments.

I tried to ignore it but it happened a second time and then a third.

Looking up in anger I saw two squirrels that looked like they were up to no good, so I screamed up at them, "what are you trying to do start a war?!?!"

The bigger of the two looked down at me and said, "nah man, just trying to bust a nut."

Trump got angry with computers again...

Trump got angry with computers again, and ordered that White House staff are no longer allowed to use email to communicate.

Conway calmed him down and came up with a work-around. White House staff can continue using email, but in order not to anger Trump, they have to call it by a different name:


"Alternative Fax"

A nun and a priest

A nun and a priest decide to take a day off, so they go golfing.
The nun gets a hole-in-one, but the priest hits it into a sand trap.
He's so angry, he shouts "God dammit, I missed!".
The nun reminds him not to take the Lord's name in vain, and the priest apologizes and tries again.
He hits it into the rough, and in his anger, shouts "God dammit, I MISSED!".
The nun once again tells him not to take the Lord's name in vain, and he apologizes again.
On his third shot, he hits it into the water and yells "GOD DAMMIT I MISSED!" and before the nun can say anything, a bolt of lightning strikes the nun, killing her instantly.
Out of nowhere, a loud voice booms "God dammit, I missed".

2016 Denial

2017 Anger

2018 Bargaining

2019 Depression

2020 Acceptance

In 1978, a Russian man buys a Lada...

After he signs the last form, the salesman says, "You can expect delivery on 4 February, 1981."

The man replies, "Morning or evening?"

This is not the reaction that the salesman expects. The most common reaction, of course, is resigned disappointment. Anger was a close second. He'd seen some giggle at the absurdity, and some swear they'd be calling influential friends.

But this? The salesman is dumbfounded. "Morning or evening?! What does it matter! It's in over 2 years!"

"Well," says the man, "It's just that the heater repairman is coming that morning."

USSR Joke Adapted For 2018

On a tour of Washington D.C. a young man lags behind the tour group to take a longer look at the White House. However, he was quite upset with the President and in a moment of anger he shouts across the lawn "The President is a disgusting pig". As he turns to walk away the D.C. police quickly arrest the man and he is taken before a judge. The Judge takes a cursory glance at the charges and sentences the man to 4 years in prison. In disbelief he yells to the judge "I didn't know insulting the President was a crime". The Judge lowers his glasses and says "Insulting the President isn't a crime, but revealing state secrets is".

A farm boy comes down to eat some breakfast

On the table, is bacon, eggs and a huge glass of milk. However, before the boy could have anything, his mom demanded that he take out the garbage.

Angry at the world, the boy goes outside to take the garbage. On his way back inside, he stops at the pig pen, and kicks a pig in anger. He stops at the chicken coup and kicks a chicken in anger. He then stops at the cow barn and kicks a cow in anger.

Back inside, the boy feeling better, sits down. Only to find a bowl of dry cereal. He exclaims, "What's this?!"

The mom replies, "Well, because you kicked the pig, you get no bacon. Because you kicked the chicken, you get no eggs. And because you kicked the cow you get no milk."

Suddenly, an angry voice comes from the other room. Tripping, the dad kicks the cat in anger.

The boy responds, "Wanna tell him or should I?"

A man takes his wife golfing

They always go together every Sunday for the past 25 years of their marriage

One Sunday they got to the 9th hole and the woman stops her husband and says "Honey, we've been together 25 years and I trust you with all of my heart. With that being said, I haven't been completely honest with you during this relationship."

The wife goes on and eventually explains to the husband that she was actually born a man.

The husband is in shock and walks away in anger after hearing the news.

Finally the husband returns after thinking long and hard about what he had just heard and says to his wife: ......."You mean to tell me all of these years you've been hitting from the women's tees?!"

There's a lot of anger out there about the MLK speech/Dodge Ram Superbowl ad...

Kylie Jenner should hand out some Pepsi to calm things down.

Bridge blown up

During a drill a bridge is labeled with a sign as blown up. To his anger the drill instructor sees a whole platoon crossing the bridge. The last soldier has a sign on his back. The instructor pulls out his binoculars. The sign reads: We're swimming.

1. Denial 2. Anger 3. Bargaining 4. Depression 5. Acceptance ...

The 5 stages of buying petrol.

Don't anger a programming wizard.

They'll curse you, and every time you remove it, they'll just recurse.

I slapped my violin out of anger

I got arrested for domestic violins

Why do T Rexes have such bad anger issues?

Because their fathers never hugged them.

When Gandhi was on his first hunger strike

People would routinely bring him flattened bread in an attempt to get him to eat. What people don't understand though is that Gandhi was actually a very temperamental man, and prone to anger. So even when his friends and family were the ones bringing him bread, he would take it and hurl it at them, sometimes leaving bruises and welts. He justified it by saying it was all a part of his philosophy of naan-violence.

My wife was mowing the yard!

I was sitting back on the porch drinking a cold one while my wife was out in the heat mowing the yard. The lady next door came over to me in anger and said you should be hung. I told her I was that's why my wife was mowing the yard.

A Chinese man is making love to his wife...

The man is going for it missionary style, he slides up her body, kisses her softly and whispers in her ear, "Baby, I wanna 69!". Immediately, her face turns from pleasure to confusion and anger, she replies, "You want Salt and Pepper Chicken NOW?"

My favorite bad Christmas joke

Dolf is the weatherman at KTVY, the local CBS affiliate in Kansas City. He's also a closet communist, and has a bit of an anger management problem. During their Christmas Eve broadcast Dolf forecasts a cold and rainy Christmas day, then turns it over to Erin, the anchor he's been dating for the past few months:
"Dolf, are you sure its just rain for tomorrow? I bet everyone's praying for a little snow tonight!"
"No no Erin, just rain for tomorrow"
"Are you sure we can't look forward to a white Christmas?"
"NO! RUDOLF THE RED KNOWS RAIN, DEAR!"

I always stick up for feminists.

Their anger arouses me.

A blonde walks into a shop and asks the worker how much for this tv?

The worker replies sorry we don't sell to blondes.

So she leaves, goes home and dyes her hair, and comes back to the store a brunette. She then asks the worker again how much for this tv?

He again replies with sorry, we don't sell to blondes.

So she goes home yet again, dyes her hair red, and walks back to the store and asks how much for this tv?

The worker responds yet again with sorry, we don't sell to blondes

The woman, in anger replies with HOW CAN YOU TELL IM A BLONDE??!!

The man calmly states that's not a tv, it's a microwave.

The Teacher tells her class: Your science test was terrible. 32% of you got an F.

A blonde student shouts in anger: That can't be right, there's not even 20 of us in the class!"

Why did the saxophone player have to go to anger management?

He had a bad ALTOtude problem.

It's best to hire people with anger issues into high positions

Most of them have already had management training

A man catches his wife in bed with another man. He pulls out a gun...

...and holds it to his head, saying "I'm going to kill myself!"

His wife turns to her lover and says "See? I told you he was an idiot."

The man turns red-faced with anger and shouts "Oh, don't you worry, you heartless bitch. You're next!"

US Representatives are like the dislike button on Youtube comments

They are supposed to be there to represent your dissent and anger, but never actually do.

What makes you irrationaly angery?

When I can't express my anger in fraction.

A boy and his mother are watching TV

There are a lot of guns being fired in the show. So after the show is over the kid has the gun shots in his mind, and keeps repeating "BANG BANG BANG", "BANG BANG BANG"... This continues throughout the day. By the evening the mother is really tired and out of anger tells the boy "Be Silent".

So the boy starts "ANG ANG ANG", "ANG ANG ANG"..

Train accident..

There was an accident at this train station and 20 people were dead or badly wounded after a train had hit them. Surprisingly all victims were blonde. However, there was one blonde who was intact.

A TV reporter asks the blonde, "It was a very unfortunate accident. What do you think was cause?"

Blonde replies with excitement and anger, "It happened because of wrong announcement at the station when the train arrived!"

TV Reporter is surprised, "Wrong announcement?"

Blonde says, "Yeah! The announcer said the train was coming on the platform no. 2. All these people waiting for the train on platform number 2 rushed off platform and came on the tracks."

TV Reporter is speechless, "Ummm... well... fortunately you stayed at the platform and now you are safe."

Blonde replies, "What fortunately? I came here to commit suicide!"

I watched a man get cut in half in a car accident today

By the time I got to him, he was delirious, clearly in his dying moments. He glanced to his left where his lower half was lying motionless, then up at me with a look somewhere in between anger and humor, and uttered his last words:



"I am beside myself right now!"

In spite of my anger, I decided not to bring my wetsuit to the beach.

It was a rash decision.

There once was a young man who wanted to become a great writer...

When asked to define "great" he said, "I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level. Stuff that will make them scream, cry, and howl in pain and anger!" He now works for Microsoft, writing error messages.

I threw my mouse at the wall in anger

Everyone at the vet looked on in horror

How do you handle a redheads anger?

Gingerly.

Woman Talks

An elderly couple talk in the evening: Honey,
I'm so sorry that I let out my anger at you so often.
How do you manage to stay so calm with my foul moods?
I always go and clean the toilet when that happens.
And that helps? Yes, because I'm using your toothbrush.

An eye is going to anger management

The counselor asks the eye why are you currently in anger management? To which the eye responds Eyelash out at people when I get angry and I can't stop.

David wanted to be a writer!

There was once this young man who professed his desire to become a great writer. Say hello to David. When asked what he wanted to write, David would say with great enthusiasm, " I want to write stuff that the whole world will read. Stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level. Stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain and anger!"



A decade later, David did fulfill his dream:

David now writes the error messages for Python interpreter.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends.

Joko Jokes