The Best 41 Angels Jokes

Following is our collection of Angels jokes which are very funny. There are some angels omnipotent jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud. Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these angels demons puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Funny Angels Jokes and Puns

So a blonde died and went to Heaven.

God was at the gate and said to her, "Before entering, you will see 10 angels, and each one of them will tell you a joke. If you manage to not laugh at all, you may enter."

The blonde walked up to the first angel, listened to the joke and did not laugh.

She then went to the second and again did not laugh.

This happened every time and she finally reached to the last angel.

When the last angel was at the middle of the joke, the blonde started laughing REALLY HARD.

The angel then asked, "Woah, is my joke really that funny?"

The Blonde, laughing non-stop, said, "No... I JUST GOT THE FIRST JOKE!"

Recently I came back from Vatican City where I have realized that angels are real. One of them offered me to show the path to Heaven and I agreed.

Sadly, she charged me 50 Euros for the session.

Its the Christians vs Muslims football game...

and the Christians score a goal. From his seat in heaven, surrounded by angels, God cheers.

after a while the Muslims score a goal. Again God cheers. The angels are now confused... "Whose side are you on, Lord?", they ask. "Niether", replies God, "I am just enjoying the game."

(modified from Catholics vs Protestants)

My girlfriend is an angel

Because angels don't exist and neither does my girlfriend

Two angels run out of weed...

One angel is very upset but the other consoles him. "Fear not," he says and he points to Jesus. "For he has resin."


What do you call angels without wings?

Friends.

What do you call angels without wings?

Friends.
How about a friend that **has** wings?
An employee at KFC.

What do Angels fans and gay men both have in common?

They both love Pujols

I would've felt a lot less cheated...

...if "Charlie's Angels - Coming Soon" was actually the movie they led me to believe it was.

The last time we had a white Christmas, I made snow angels.

I skidded on the ice and took out three pedestrians.

An older woman's husband dies during a bdsm session.

She decides to do something crazy with her life, and buys a Harley, gets a few tattoos, and goes out in search of the Hell's Angels.

When she finds them they give her an initiation test.
"You ever killed a man?" They ask.
"Yep" she says. "Killed my husband."
"You ever steal anything?" They ask.
"Oh all the time." She replies.

"You ever been picked up by the fuzz?"

"Sure have, and strung up by my nipples".

You can explore angels halos reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean angels angelic dad jokes. There are also angels puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


Female Ghostbusters?

What about male Charlie's Angels?

I figured out why there are so many masturbation-related injuries

that's when all the guardian angels cover their eyes

After God created 24 hours of alternating darkness and light, one of the angels asked him, "what are you going to do now?"

God said,

"I think I'm going to call it a day."

I made three snow angels the other day.

I skidded on the ice and took out three pedestrians.

In Heaven, the angels asked God where he would spend his next vacation.

Definitely not earth, God said. Last time I went there, I got a girl pregnant and they still haven't stopped taking about it.

Where do Angels go for Shopping?

Saintsburys

Cheesecake

God: (creates cheesecake)

God: (While stuffing his face in front of the angels) Oh wow! This is so great!

Angel: Don't you think you should be sharing that?

—pause—

God:(creates lactose intolerance)

I made snow angels this Christmas...

My car skidded on the ice and I hit 3 pedestrians.


What is in a Nanaimo Bar?

Hells Angels, cocaine & strippers

God was creating all the countries and it was Canada's turn

He turned to his angels and said "this country will have unmatched beauty, plenty of natural resources, and its citizens will be the happiest and friendliest in the world"

The angels ask God, "aren't you blessing this country a little TOO much?" and God replies, "wait till you see who their neighbour is"

God was creating the countries when it became Brazil's turn

God: This land will be a land filled with natural resources, the women will be beautiful, there will be no hurricanes or tornados, they will also have a lot of forests.

The angels were thinking this was a little too much and asked God, Isn't this a little too good?

God calmly answered: Wait for their politicians

"Excuse me, is this pool stirred up by angels and imbued with healing properties?"

"No, Sir, I'm afraid this font is sans-Seraph."

In the book of Mark, Chapter 12, Verse 25 the jesus says, "In heaven there is no marriage." No men, no women, only angels...

Sooooooo, it's like Berkley?

Mark 12:25 And Jesus said; In heaven there is no marriage. No men, no women, only angels.

So it's Social Justice Warrior paradise? Like Berkeley?

If god is bowling when its thundering...

If God is bowling when it's thundering and the angels are crying when it's raining, then what's going on up there when it's snowing...

Why are arc angels in Muslim art so beautiful???

They had a limit for the number of eyeballs

Los Angeles is so embarrassed by their baseball team, the Angels

so much so, they changed the city's name to Spanish to avoid association. They now have another team called the Dodgers

How do angels heat up their leftovers?

In the microwave on high

Last winter, I made snow angels

I lost control and took out three pedestrians

Why do angels have wings?

So they don't trip over all the fetuses.

God was showing off the mountains he made to his angels...

He showed them the Alps, the Himalayas, and the Pyrenees.

Impressed, the first angel said "that's nice, got any more?"

God replied, "oh yeah, Andes."

We are not grammar Nazis,

We are grammar guardian angels.

What do angels use to make music?

Soundclouds

God is talking to one of his angels and says

Do you know what I have just done? I have just created a 24-hour period of alternating light and darkness on Earth. Isn't that good?

The angel says, Yes, but what will you do now?

God says, I think I'll call it a day.

Sister: Did my brother come from heaven?

Mother: Yes.

Sister: Well, I don't blame the angels for chucking him out

A woman came up to me the other day

A woman came up to me the other day complaining about her kids.

Woman: My kids are so terrible!

Me: My kids are angels.

Woman: So they're well behaved?

Me: No, they're dead.

God was handing out talents one morning

To some, He gave the power to create life. The angels around Him were in awe as crops flourished and population soared. To others, he gave fine skills and artistry. His angelic entourage marveled at intricate needlework, tapestry, and sculpture.

God stooped down low and found a man waiting in the darkness, just before dawn. He gave him the power to sprinkle water on the grass as the sun rose. The angels were confused. "You gave amazing abilities to all others. Can this one really care for himself with such a small talent?"

God simply replied, "He will learn to make dew."

A Russian cosmonaut and a Russian brain surgeon were discussing religion.

A Russian cosmonaut and a Russian brain surgeon were discussing religion. The brain surgeon was a Christian but the cosmonaut was an atheist. The cosmonaut said, "I've been out in space many times but I've never seen God or angels." The brain surgeon said, "And I've operated on many clever brains but I've never seen a single thought."

How do angels light a candle?

With a match made in heaven.

God wants to go on vacation

So he asks his angels for suggestions. Venus? asks one, god says no too hot. Another says Mars; no too cold. What about earth? Earth! No way, god says. 2000 years ago I hooked up with some girl there and they're still talking about it!

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the angels harp jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working angels satan piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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