Angeles Jokes
72 angeles jokes and hilarious angeles puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about angeles that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Discover some of the best Los Angeles jokes that take a humorous look at life in the City of Angels. From witty wordplay to good-natured leads, these jokes explore the lighter side of life in LA.
Funniest Angeles Short Jokes
Short angeles jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The angeles humour may include short lead jokes also.
- After God created 24 hours of alternating darkness and light, one of the angels asked him, "what are you going to do now?" God said,
"I think I'm going to call it a day." - I live in constant fear that Trump will deport my Latina mother in law Who lives at 324 3rd st. Los Angeles. She gets off at 6
- When the smog clears over Los Angeles... ... U.C.L.A.
I am not at all sorry for this joke. - Two married man talking.. 1st man: Im so lucky, my wife is an angel.
2nd man: Good for you! Mine's still alive. - God making Adam Angel: What do you call it?
God: A human.
Angel: What does it do?
God: It doesn't annoy me, Jeff. That's what it does. - In Heaven, the angels asked God where he would spend his next vacation. Definitely not earth, God said. Last time I went there, I got a girl pregnant and they still haven't stopped taking about it.
- My wife is an angel. Bob and Harry are fishing one day....
Bob.... "How's your wife been?"
Harry...."She's an angel, how about yours?"
Bob...."Egh, mine is still alive." - Sister: Did my brother come from heaven? Mother: Yes.
Sister: Well, I don't blame the angels for chucking him out - The angel of death appears before a lawyer and says "Your time has come". The lawyer starts crying and wailing "But I'm only forty" Angel of death says "Not according to your billable hours"
- Meteor Meatier joke God: Hey Angel, did you give the dinosaurs more muscle like I asked? I asked you to make them meatier.
Angel: Make them… a meteor.
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Angeles One Liners
Which angeles one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with angeles? I can suggest the ones about luck and los angeles.
- What happens when the smog lifts from Los Angeles? UCLA
- How do angels light a candle? With a match made in heaven.
- Why did the Italian get kicked out of heaven? He ate too much angel hair
- Hey girl, are you an angel? Cause so was satan.
- What do you call someone with a lisp who murders angels and ghosts? Ethereal killer
- My wife is an angel. All my friends are jealous because their wives are still alive.
- I went to the fountain and removed all of its angel statues. It's now a sans seraph font.
- What do angels use to make music? Soundclouds
- If the angel Gabriel came from heaven how was he so sure that Mary was pregnant?
- Hey babe are you an angel? Because I'm allergic to feathers.
- My girlfriend is like an angel... ...she's invisible:(
- Have you heard about the Angel of Death that's not so intelligent? The Dim Reaper?
- I hate it when kids spell "angel" as "angle" They're just trying to be edgy.
- I didn't know angels could fly so low.
- What's a medical doctor called, who is also part of a motorcycle club? Health Angel
Los Angeles Jokes
Here is a list of funny los angeles jokes and even better los angeles puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- How do you reply to an email about someone freaking out at the Los Angeles International Airport Re:LAX
- Los Angeles announced plans to lease 288 all-electric police cars. Do you know where they'll use them? In Watts.
I'll see myself out now. - Did you know that the Super Bowl was just on?? Apparently, neither did the
Los Angeles Rams. - I heard there's a pretty good Halloween display in the Los Angeles Harbor this year. Everywhere you look is quite the freight.
- I want to get one of those LA hats everyone has nowadays When people go to ask me "hey man, are you from Los Angeles?"
I'll be like "nah dude,I just really like the french feminine definite article" - Do you want to know my favorite Los Angeles Dodger? O.J. Simpson
- A blonde woman calls the airport - Good morning! How much time will it take for me to get from Los Angeles to New York?
- Just a moment.
- And back? - When the Mexicans finally invade and take over Los Angeles, what will the city be renamed to? El Eyyyy
- Where's the best view of falling stars in Los Angeles? The Betty Ford Clinic
- People of New York, Los Angeles & Miami, did you know you are living in 3 cities at the same time?
Delightful Fun Angeles Jokes for a Roaring Good Time
What funny jokes about angeles you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean beef jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make angeles pranks.
Pack your Bags
A woman was going to Los Angeles from New York City for an extended stay. With permission from the airline was permitted to bring five pieces of luggage.
As the clerk was starting to take the luggage, the woman says, "I would like you to send the first bag to Miami, the second bag to Chicago, the third bag to Dallas, the fourth bag to Phoenix and the fifth bag to Seattle."
The clerk says looks at her for a second, then types a few things in his computer, then looks back at the women and says, "I'm sorry, we can't do that!"
The woman says, "Well why not? You guys did it last time without me even asking?"
(My favorite joke)Who is best at apprehending criminals?
The CIA, the FBI, and the Los Angeles Police Department (LAPD) are all trying to prove that they are the best at apprehending criminals. The President decides to give them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest and each of them has to catch it.
The CIA goes in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations, they conclude that rabbits do not exist.
The FBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit and they make no apologies. The rabbit had it coming.
The LAPD goes in. They come out two hours later dragging a badly beaten bear. The bear is screaming, "Okay, okay! I'm a RABBIT!! I'm a RABBIT!!"
Police Lineup
Police in Los Angeles had good luck with a robbery suspect, who just couldn't control himself during a lineup. Detectives asked each man in the lineup to repeat the words, "Give me all your money or I'll shoot."
One of them, when it was his turn, shouted, "That's not what I said!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Morris Schwartz is dying and on his deathbed.
He is surrounded by his nurse, his wife, his daughter and two sons, and knows the end is near. So he says to them:
"Bernie, I want you to take the Beverly Hills houses."
"Sybil, take the apartments over in Los Angeles Plaza."
"h**..., I want you to take the offices over in City Center."
"Sarah, my dear wife, please take all the residential buildings downtown."
The nurse is just blown away by all this, and as Morris slips away, she says to the wife, "Mrs. Schwartz, your husband must have been such a hard working man to have accumulated so much property."
Sarah replies, "Property shmoperty...the s**... had a newspaper route."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Morning Jew
Morris Schwartz is on his deathbed, knows the end is near, is with his nurse, his wife, his daughter and 2 sons. "So", he says to them:
"Bernie, I want you to take the Beverly Hills houses."
"Sybil, take the apartments over in Los Angeles Plaza."
"h**..., I want you to take the offices over in City Centre."
"Sarah, my dear wife, please take all the residential buildings downtown."
The nurse is just blown away by all this, and as Morris slips away, she says , "Mrs. Schwartz, your husband must have been such a hard working man to have accumulated all this property".
Sarah replies, "Property? The s**... had a paper round!"
5.5 Quake Shakes L.A.
Every 20 years or so, a large earthquake rattles Los Angeles as a result of the tremendous buildup of pressure in every Angeleno to talk about something other than show business.
~ Scott Miller
Usain Bolt got arrested in Los Angeles...
It was the first time he'd ever been LAPD.
So a man calls an airport
A man calls an airport. The receptionist answers.
"Hello."
"Yes, hello. I have a question. How long is the flight from Los Angeles to Paris?"
"Just a minute."
"Thanks," says the man and hangs up.
A young man goes into the Job Center in Downtown Los Angeles, and sees an advertisement for a Gynecologist's Assistant.
Interested, he goes to learn more. 'Can you give me some more details?' he asks the clerk.
The clerk pulls up the file and says, 'The job entails getting the ladies ready for the gynecologist. You have to help them out of their underwear, lay them down and carefully wash their private regions, then apply shaving foam and gently shave off the hair, then rub in soothing oils so that they're ready for the gynecologist's examination.
There's an annual salary of $85,000, but you're going to have to go to Albuquerque New Mexico. That's about 620 miles from here.'
'Good grief, is that where the job is?'
'No sir... that's where the end of the line is right now...
What do you get when you get in a fight with the Los Angeles Lakers lead point scorer?
What does Egyptian airport security have in common with Los Angeles airport security?
Both have LAX security.
The St Louis Rams are moving to Los Angeles...
And Im too lazy to move out of my parents house
If you set sail from Los Angeles, CA to Barrow, AK, what would your bering be?
Strait
Today in Los Angeles it's kobe bryant Day
No passing allowed on the freeways
What did the Los Angeles Lakers finish on tuesday?
Kim Kardashian's chest.
I live in Santa Monica, Los Angeles. My girlfriend is taking a flight from London to come see me. I have promised her that I'll go pick her up from the airport
We'll both leave our respective houses at the same time :|
It used to be if you wanted to go to an NFL game in Los Angeles you couldn't....
Now you just don't want to!
Why does every person from San Diego have dead electronics?
Their chargers relocated to Los Angeles!
Disaster at the Los Angeles zoo today
when the snake pit was accidentally filled in. The zoo keeper said "it's terrible terrible news, now the snakes don't even have a pit to hiss in.
Did you hear, they are changing the name of the airport in Los Angeles?
I guess now it will be ex-lax.
Texted my buddy in Los Angeles to see how things were...he replied
"It's Lit"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What does a Los Angeles police officer get at a s**... club?
a l**...
A guy walks into a golf shop in LA and starts yelling at the employees about how they have the worst drivers in the world...
The employees say welcome to Los Angeles
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Johnny Carson Classic
The air quality in Los Angeles is so bad...
How bad is it?
When locals want to breathe fresh air, they s**... the air out of tires from cars with out-of-state license plates.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I would hate to fly on an airline out of Los Angeles...
The security there is always so LAX
Los Angeles is so embarrassed by their baseball team, the Angels
so much so, they changed the city's name to Spanish to avoid association. They now have another team called the Dodgers
22, Male, Los Angeles, and hoping to find some hot tinder matches in my area
Please, this shelter's getting too crowded. I don't want to lose my house again.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I met a Hippo in Los Angeles wearing fishnets and a tank top
She referred to herself as a Hungry Hungry Clitpo
What's the difference between the President of the United States and the management staff of a Los Angeles baseball team?
One of them drafts Dodgers. The other dodges drafts.
Everyone is upset about the ufc moving the event from Las Vegas to Los Angeles
I say it's their Los
Recently went to Los Angeles and was driving slow down Highway 1 when I noticed that Kobe was driving behind me for hours.
I wonder why he didn't pass?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Work has already begun in preparation for the 2028 Olympic Games in Los Angeles
Mostly by ISIS
A passenger at an airport in New York was at the counter
-I'm going California for business, I want to go to Los Angeles, I want to send the big suitcase in my right hand to San Francisco and the smaller suitcase on ground to San Diego.
-Excuse me sir, but I'm afraid that's not possible, we can't do that.
-Great then, because that's what you did on my last flight.
Got my wife during the game last night
Hit my wife with this yesterday during the game, paraphrasing:
Wife: so it's the Los Angeles Chargers now?
Me: yeah they moved the team a few years ago
Wife: but aren't the raiders Los Angeles?
Me: no it's Las Vegas
Wife: oh I got the Los and Las mixed up
Me: hmm I guess you're at a Los for words
She didn't like it as much as I did :D
