Anesthesia Jokes

Following is our collection of recovery funnies and operation chistes working better than reddit jokes. They include Anesthesia puns for adults, dirty anaesthesia jokes or clean anesthesiologist gags for kids.

There is an abundance of hospital jokes out there, and you're fortunate because we've a collection of favorite ones. Check out the funniest 20 jokes on the internet, even funnier than any procedure witze you can hear about anesthesia.

The Best jokes about Anesthesia

At the dentist

The wife says, -I have to get a tooth pulled and I have no time for any anesthesia. Just pull the tooth out as quickly as you can so we can get going!
The dentist was really impressed, -You are indeed a brave woman! Which tooth is to be removed?
She turned to her old man, -Show him your tooth, dear!

A lawyer had just undergone surgery

...and as he came out of the anesthesia, he said,
"Why are all the blinds drawn, doctor?"

"There's a big fire across the street and we didn't want you to wake up and think the operation was a failure."

Why did the hipster refuse to undergo surgery?

The anesthesia wasn't local.

A shy woman decides to have surgery

She wants to have surgery to remove her large vaginal lips which have always made her self conscious. She finds a doctor and schedules the procedure but swears him to secrecy. "No one can ever know" she admonishes, and he agrees. After the anesthesia wears off she awakes to find three roses on her hospital tray. Angry, she calls for the doctor.

"Let me explain" the doctor says..."No one knows...the first rose is from me. I know how difficult this was for you. The second is from my nurse...she had the same procedure a year ago"

The woman is somewhat calmer. "But what about the third???"

The doctor says "Now don't get upset...He doesn't know who you are. But the man in the burn unit wanted to thank you for his new ears".

Lawyer and his wife

A lawyer was just waking up from anesthesia after surgery, and his wife was sitting by his side. His eyes fluttered open and he said, "You're beautiful!" and then he fell asleep again. His wife had never heard him say that so she stayed by his side.
A couple of minutes later, his eyes fluttered open and he said, "You're cute!" Well, the wife was dissapointed because instead of "beautiful," it was "cute." She asked, "What happened to 'beautiful'?" His reply was "The drugs are wearing off!"


That's the word I was looking for! (Possibly NSFW)

A man walks into a doctors office and says to the doctor "I want you to castrate me"

The doctor says "NO! I will never do such a thing"

Man: "What if I give you $1000 in cash?"

Doctor: "No"

Man: "What about $5000?"

Doctor: "Well... if you insist"

And so, the doctor puts the man under anesthesia to perform the castration



When the man regains consciousness, the doctor tells him

"The castration was a success. And, since you paid me so much, I decided to give you a circumcision as well"

The man slaps himself on the forehead and says

"CIRCUMCISION! That's the word I was looking for!"

A man was just waking up from anesthesia after surgery, and his wife was sitting by his side. His eyes fluttered open and he said,

A man was just waking up from anesthesia after surgery, and his wife was sitting by his side. His eyes fluttered open and he said, "You're beautiful!" and then he fell asleep again. His wife had never heard him say that so she stayed by his side. A couple minutes later his eyes fluttered open and he said "You're cute!" Well, the wife was dissapointed because instead of "beautiful" it was "cute." She said "What happened to 'beautiful'? His reply was "The drugs are wearing off!"

A nurse met with an accident

... and was brought to the hospital. Her injuries are not severe, but the surgeon opts for general anesthesia anyway. Just as he was about to complete the minor surgery, the patient wakes up, in shock, and would like to know what is going on.


I'm just about to close the nasty gash, the surgeon said.


The patient got paranoid and said, I'm not going to let you do that. I'm a senior nurse, I can close my own wound.


The surgeon hands her the thread and said, Suture self .

Did you hear about the Buddhist monk who refused anesthesia for his root canal?

He wanted to transcend dental medication.

Anesthesia

A man was just coming out of anesthesia after a series of tests in the hospital, and his wife was sitting at his bedside.

His eyes fluttered open, and he murmured, "You're beautiful."

Flattered, the wife continued her vigil while he drifted back to sleep.

Later, her husband woke up and said, "You're cute."

Startled, she asked him, "What happened to beautiful?"

"The drugs are wearing off," he replied.

A doctor performs surgery using local anesthesia

- Relax, Ernest, it's just a few cuts with a scalpel. Don't panic, the doctor says.

- But, doctor, my name is not Ernest.

- I know... just talking to myself.


What do you call a skeleton who just had anesthesia?

A numbskull

A woman who was very skeptical of modern medicine, had to get surgery...

A woman who was very skeptical of modern medicine, had to get surgery. She was in pre-op and asked the nurse if there was any way she could administer the anesthesia medication herself. To which the nurse replied "I am not sure, I will go ask the surgeon." The nurse leaves to check with the surgeon. After a few minutes the nurse walks back into the room, with the surgeon behind her.
Again, the woman asks the surgeon if she can administer the anesthesia medication herself. The surgeon replies "Sure, knock yourself out!"

A monk refused to use anesthesia during a root canal...

Apparently he wanted to transcend dental medication.

Surgeon's joke.

There used to be a rule that in order to get into anesthesia, applicants had to have an IQ greater than their body temp. For a while they couldn't get any new anesthesia trainees because nobody would pass.

Then they decided to switch from farenheit to celsius, and now there's a lot of them.

I went into surgery yesterday

After the anesthesia wore off the nurse said if I didn't pee within 2 days to go to the ER. To help, she recommended sitting in a warm bath and peeing in there. I told her "No problem, I've been doing that since I was 2"

The embarrassed sexually active middle aged woman

A sexually active middle aged woman informed her plastic surgeon that she wanted her vaginal lips reduced in size because, over the years they have become loose and floppy.

Out of embarrassment, she insisted that the surgery be kept secret and, of course, the surgeon agreed.
Awakening from the anesthesia, she found 3 roses carefully placed beside her on the bed.

Outraged, she immediately called in the surgeon.
"I thought I specifically asked you not to tell anyone about my operation"!
The surgeon told her he had carried out her wish for confidentiality and
that the first rose was from him.

"I felt so sad for you, because you went through this all by yourself."
"The second rose is from my nurse. She assisted me in the surgery and
understood perfectly, as she had the same procedure done some time ago."
"And what about the third rose?" the woman asked.
"That's from a man in the burns unit -

he wanted to thank you for his new ears!"

What's the worst thing you can hear a surgeon say during your surgery under local anesthesia?

Oops

Every time I mention to a woman that my favorite name is Anesthesia, it doesn't end well

For her


When performing surgery on a grape, you don't need to use anesthesia.

It'll only let out a little whine.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends.

Joko Jokes